Lost That War
by redhandedwickedlittlemachine
Summary: Aria's life is shattered in one night. She starts shutting people out - especially Ezra - until she finds out he understands more than she ever imagined he would. Ezria. Slightly AU. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK/Don't like? Don't read!
1. She Feels Lost In Her Own Life

**A/N: **Hunker down for a bit of a long authors note, please. **And PLEASE read this before going on!**

This story is very honest, real, and raw. I don't often put this in these stories, but this story is drawing off of personal experiences. It's going to be long, rough, and there are probably going to be some of you who don't like it, or disagree with the story line. But as I said with 40 Days, **this is my story. I'm just sharing it with you.**

This story is definitely going to be all over the place. I generally write in second person, but this story, while Ezria, is definitely encompassing other characters as well. This is a story that affects a lot of people.

Also, the updates may be more stagnated than they were/are with 40 Days/Say Anything. That said... You can find the video and banner for this story on my profile page. **Finally: the basic idea with this story is that it's been about a month since A was found out. I'm going with the show on this one. Aria and her friends have just returned from their class trip to DC...Oh, and Ezra still works at Hollis. It's also slightly AU and very OOC. **That is all.

_Lost That War_

_Chapter 1_

_She Feels Lost In Her Own Life_

When she stared at him, it was like her eyes were made of ice. It was so cold and unforgiving, so refusing and shut down that his whole body ached for her.

It hadn't always been like that. There had been a time when she was like an inferno, in every sense of the word. Her skin used to be hot enough to set his senses on end. She stared into him, seeing more than he ever wanted her to know. And she had a sharp tongue, too.

In a way, she still had that sharp tongue. But the words coming out of her mouth weren't ones that were loving anymore. They didn't drift into his ears like they should've been lyrics to a song. They felt more like knives being driven into his chest. Another fist to the gut before he could catch his breath from the last blow.

He knew that it wasn't his fault. It wasn't her fault either. But something inside of her had broken that day. Something he knew of all too well. And he wanted so badly to tell her, so that he could be there for her. But then, how could he, really? How could he make her understand that he knew how it felt to be that violated? How could he go there, when he wasn't really being honest with himself?

"You don't know what you're talking about."

_I brought my sword, of this I'm sure_

_I'll use it on myself instead_

Ezra sat on the couch with his hands clasped over the back of his neck. His elbows were digging into his thighs from the pressure that was being applied. He was shaking from the emotions running through them, and unable to stop the tears that were running down his face.

He wanted to hurt someone. He wanted to hurt that **boy**. He clenched his eyes shut, and suddenly he was sick to his stomach as waves of flashbacks ran past his eyes.

Pinned to the ground. Arms squeezed so tightly, wrists were bruised. Lies about why school wasn't important that day. A made up story about why it hurt way too much to move.

"_I just, I wanted to get home, cause we were supposed to have dinner, a-and he offered me a ride. I was so late, because Hanna asked me to stay."_

He could hear her sobs in his head, replaying the story over in his head. It made him want to vomit.

"_After I called, he pulled off the road. I knew what he wanted, so I got out of the car, and I was gonna run. He got out too, though, and threw me against he car. He tore my clothes. He kept hitting me, kept telling me to shut up. He wouldn't let go. And he-…" She shook her head. _

Ezra dug his fingers into his scalp, his knuckles white as his hands continued to shake.

"Hey man, its okay. Breathe." Hardy's voice was soft as he placed a wastepaper bin in front of Ezra. He placed his other hand on the middle of Ezra's back.

He felt sick, even just to be touched at a time like this. His hands moved off his neck and he gripped the wastepaper bin, heaving into it. His body shook even harder as bile and stomach acid burned his throat and coated his tongue.

"Z, man, just try and take a breath." He patted Ezra's back.

He heaved into the bin again, squeezing it tighter. It grew to a point where he was sure there was nothing to give back, but his body continued to find fluids to throw up.

"Hardy." Ella's voice was soft. "Why don't you try and-"

Ezra was able to suck in a deep breath after a moment. His forehead was coated with a shade of sweat, and he was still ready to vomit at a moments notice.

"Is there anything I can do, man," Hardy asked.

"Keep your fucking hands off of me," Ezra spat through clenched teeth.

Hardy moved away from Ezra and stood. "Ezra, man. I never-"

"How the **hell**did this happen," Ezra growled, looking up at Ella and Byron. "You were supposed to pick her up."

"I had a late meeting," Ella explained. "Emily was going to get her home."

"But Emily left because Mrs. Marin called. Her dad had been in an accident. Hanna left with her," Spencer said from the doorway. Her voice was shaking and tears were in her eyes. "There were fifty people in my house. I couldn't leave, Ezra-"

He shook his head as he stood, keeping his eyes closed. "I didn't say it was your fault. I should've gone and gotten her, like I offered to."

"Ezra- Z-"

Everyone piped in at once, ready to shut down his self-guilt.

"Can't believe I let this happen again," he murmured to himself, too quietly for anyone else to hear.

"Alright," Ella said after a long moment of silence. "We all need to take the time to just… sleep on this."

Ezra shook his head at her. A pained expression coated his features as tears filled his eyes.

"Nothing is going to change between tonight and tomorrow morning," Ella finished, her voice quivering.

"Can-"

Ezra cut Spencer off. "I **need** to see her, before I leave."

Ella nodded to him. Ezra walked out of the room and headed up the steps.

Once he was out of earshot, Byron and Ella turned to Hardy.

"Hardy," Byron asked softly. "What's he…Something more is wrong than just this."

Hardy shook his head. "I can't, Mr. Montgomery. Ezra…That's his own thing. He's gotta tell you that in his own time."

"Can you tell us anything," Ella asked.

Hardy shrugged, looking down at the floor. "The Hollis Paper. Last year's editions. That's all I can tell you."

_We are broken_

_What must we do to restore our innocence?_

The knot in Ezra's chest was so tight, it was hard just to get in a decent breath. He stood outside Aria's door, trying to muster the courage to knock on it.

How could he find the words to comfort her? What could he say that could possibly help her in this moment? He knew she had to be reeling. She had to be pulling apart at the seems, and completely at odds with what had happened.

Truth be told, he didn't really want to go in there. He knew what would happen when he walked in. They had talked about having sex more and more in recent weeks. Ever since her parents seemed to have semi-okayed their relationship. The discussions hadn't grown so serious that they were set on it happening just yet, but they'd had a few close calls. Every single time, one of them put the other off, having to run off somewhere instead.

"Ezra?"

He pushed her door open. She was curled up into a ball on her bed, wrapped tightly in one of her blankets. He stood there in the doorway. He didn't know whether he should go to her, or just stay where he was standing. He opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it a moment later. What _could_ he say?

"Aria…"

She pushed her torso up off her bed. "Could you come over here?"

Ezra walked over to her. He sat down on the bed, but didn't dare to touch her. "Are you…." He didn't know how to end that sentence. Okay? He **knew** she wasn't. In pain? Probably. Sane? He sure as hell wasn't.

Aria dropped her blanket. She was in a pair of loose sweats that had the name of the school she'd gone to in Iceland. "Are you okay?" She asked him.

He would've laughed if it didn't hurt so much just to take a breath. "I should ask you that."

"I'm not the one who's afraid to move," she replied quietly.

"Sorry," he murmured just as softly. "I just wanted…." He shook his head and looked down at the floor.

"To make sure I was okay?" Aria asked.

Ezra just nodded. He reached a hand up and cupped her left cheek, brushing his thumb gently to wipe away tears that had fallen earlier. "I'm so sorry, Aria. I'm sorry I wasn't there, I-"

His words stopped when he felt 105 pounds of force launch against his chest. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder.

Ezra wrapped his arms loosely around her, trying with everything inside of him to not fall apart. His hands began shaking again, and more flashbacks hit him like a runaway train. After a few minutes, he pulled Aria's hands off his shoulders and clenched his fists. He didn't want her to know he was upset. She deserved to have his support.

"Ezra?" She frowned at him, confused.

"S-Spencer wanted to see you before she went home," he said. The words ran out of his mouth before he even knew what he was saying. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He walked out of the room and bounded down the stairs, trying with all his might to catch his breath. It only seemed to be getting harder to breathe.

"Is she alright," Spencer asked as he stepped into the foyer.

Ezra stared at her with his jaw clenched. His hands were still shaking. He clenched his fists again. Spencer shuddered as a loud crack filled the room. Ezra had punched the wall with his right hand as hard as he could.

"Ezra-" "Z, man-"

He punched it once more, and then again, each time with increasing force.

Hardy reached out to stop his fist before it hit the wall a fourth time. He threw off Ezra's aim, and it hit the stained wood that covered the walkway into the sitting room.

"Fuck!" He glared angrily at Hardy, angry tears brimming in his eyes.

"Are you proud of yourself now?" Hardy was clearly just as angry as he was. "C'mon, I'll take you to the hospital. You probably broke your wrist."

Ezra opened his mouth to protest, only to be met with an onslaught of Ella, Byron, and Hardy telling him that there wasn't anything more he could do there. Angry and feeling defeated, he walked out of the house with Hardy, and to his car.

"What about my car," he asked with a low voice. His anger was still very present.

"God knows they're going to give you vicodin, which means you not knowing me from Adam. I'll sleep on your couch, and I'll take you to get your car in the morning."

The rest of the ride was silent as Ezra brooded. As the time passed with each minute on their way to the hospital though, the pain in his hand and wrist grew, spreading from just his wrist to almost up to his forearm.

When they walked into the ER, he was slightly surprised to find that it was virtually empty. Whether people were driving drunk or just being plain stupid, a few hours earlier, the room had been packed with people. Almost immediately, a nurse took them back to the first trauma room.

"I don't want to be in here," Ezra told her. He refused to even step through the doorway.

She turned back at him. "Excuse me?"

"I'll wait for another room," he told her, holding his right arm to his chest.

"Mr. Fitz-"

Hardy shook his head at her. "Don't push it. He's had a lot of bad things happen in that room. One of them was tonight."

She looked at them both suspiciously for a moment and then led them to the second trauma room. She flipped the light on and then gestured to the bed for Ezra to sit on. He walked over to it and settled on the end, still keeping his arm against his chest.

"It says that you're here because of a potentially broken wrist?" She asked him.

"It is," he replied without hesitation. He'd had broken bones before. He knew what it felt like.

She nodded, looking through his chart. "Alright. I'll get the-"

Before she could say doctor, a male attending stepped through the doorway. He was of average height, with salt-and-pepper colored hair. He was the same man who had helped do a rape kit on Aria barely two hours earlier.

"Weren't you here earlier," he asked.

"With a colleague," Ezra fibbed. He was there **with** a colleague, sure. But he definitely hadn't been there **for** Byron.

The man nodded, looking down at the chart. "What seems to be the problem."

"My wrist is broken," Ezra replied. His tone was bored.

The nurse turned and exited the room, leaving just Ezra, Hardy, and the doctor in the room. He pulled the curtain shut behind himself and then sat down on the rolling stool and settled it in front of the bed, offering his hands out to examine Ezra's hand and arm.

"You didn't go looking for trouble," the doctor asked. Probably to make sure he hadn't tried to kill anyone.

"No," Ezra replied. "The wall got the brunt of my anger."

The doctor nodded, not bothering to even try moving Ezra's hand. It had already started to swell.

"Well, why don't we get a few x-rays to make sure this isn't going to require surgery, and then if all is well, we'll get you into a cast and send you on your way."

Ezra nodded.

He spent most of the next hour and a half staring at the ceiling as x-rays were done, and then sitting on the hospital bed while the doctor and nurse wrapped his forearm, wrist, and bandaged two of his fingers where he'd broken knuckles.

By the time he stumbled into his apartment in a drugged stupor, it was almost 1 AM. He tripped over his own feet as he walked towards his bed, struggling first out of his shoes, and then out of his jeans.

Hardy shook his head as he pushed the door to Ezra's apartment shut, and locked it. He made sure the chain was up as well, before following his friend over to the bed, where Ezra was still trying to get out of his jeans.

"Stop squirming so much before you hurt yourself worse," he scolded.

Ezra scowled at Hardy, pushing his jeans down his legs with his feet. Vicodin also like to knock him into next week. Hardy pulled the jeans from Ezra's legs once they were most of the way down, and then passed him the pair of pajama pants that were folded up at the end of the bed. Ezra took them and started to pull them on, almost tripping in the process.

Hardy caught him, and pushed him back up into an upright position and grabbed the sides of the pajama pants, pulling them up in a single swoop.

"Now lay down and go to sleep," he ordered.

"Bite me," Ezra growled, even as he moved towards his bed.

Hardy laughed sarcastically. "I would, but I like being alive."

A moment later, Ezra thumped against the bed. Hardy looked over his shoulder and chuckled quietly. His former roommate was already asleep.

He walked over to the bed and pulled the covers up over Ezra before snatching the extra pillow on the bed and walking over to the couch. He tossed it down on one of the arms and then pulled the blanket down that was lying over the side of it and laid down.

_I trust you with my tears_

_And my secrets never told_

Byron stood in his office, having pieced through over half the papers that the journalism department had given him. They were out of order, so everything he was flipping through was all over the place.

He'd managed to find a couple of headlines that Ezra had bylined, but there was nothing out of the ordinary there.

He tossed another paper down on the desk and shook his head, frustrated. He was getting towards the bottom of the stack, and he hadn't managed to find anything useful. He huffed, frustrated. He ran a hand over his face and pushed back from his desk and walked over to the door. He opened it up, making sure that his students were free to come find him if need be. He was never in the office on Fridays, but he didn't feel that there was much he could do at home, and curiosity beckoned at him to find out what Hardy had been talking about.

The younger man was passing by his door, carrying a stack of teachers manuals and a grading book under his left arm.

"Hardy!" Byron called out to him.

Hardy stopped in his tracks and turned around, looking at the older man. "Mr. Montgomery. What's up?"

"What's up, is the journalism department gave me a hard copy of every paper printed last year, and they're completely out of order."

Hardy furrowed his brow. "Late February. Early March."

Byron groaned and turned back into his room. He headed over to his desk and picked up the stack that he had already pieced through, flipping through the dates. It was a bi-weekly paper, which had lessened his load considerably than what it would've been if it was a daily edition.

After flipping through his already-read stack, he pushed it aside. He hadn't read anything that Hardy was referring to.

Hardy walked a few feet into the room, settling his books on the coffee table in front of the couch in Byron's room.

"It, ah, was a front page story for about a month." He looked down at the paper in the unread stack on Byron's desk. "There. That one."

Byron looked down at it.

_**Campus Stalked By Rapist, Hunting Male Students**_

He opened his mouth, but there were too many questions, and somehow, a part of him didn't even want to know the answers.

"You had to find it yourself," Hardy said softly. "Ezra... He doesn't talk about that month."

_"I tried to do things your way, and I know you and your wife want to brush this all under the rug. But I can't. No matter how hard I try not to, I love your daughter. Not because of the fact that she makes me happy, or makes things feel more real than they've felt in longer than I can remember...Aria saved my life, in more ways then I'll probably ever be able to explain to you." _

Byron pressed his index finger into the headline, looking up at Hardy. "Ezra, he was involved in this?"

Hardy shook his head. "I shouldn't even be-"

"**You** opened the door to this," Byron argued. "WAS Ezra involved in this?"

Hardy closed his eyes and shook his head. "Ezra got the worst of any of that, Mr. Montgomery. And I'm not saying anything else. I'm sorry." He picked up his books and headed towards the door.

"Just one more question," Byron said just as Hardy reached the door. "Not related to this."

Hardy turned around and looked up at him. "What?"

"Did Ezra ever try to kill himself? After?"

Hardy took a deep breath and looked down at the floor, and then back up at Byron. "Ask him about his wrists sometime when you're alone."

With that, Hardy walked out of the room and left him standing there, wondering what exactly he was supposed to ask.

Byron sunk down into his chair with a heavy breath and picked up the newspaper. He shook it out and then began to read the article.

_A campus-wide curfew is in effect starting tonight, after numerous attacks have been reported. The assailant has yet to be captured, and is only known to be wearing a black ski mask during the attacks. _

_Male students are warned, as all victims so far have been men, to keep their doors and windows locked. Safety regulations should be followed to a T during this time of duress. _

_Hollis administrators ask that all students, male and female, not travel anywhere alone. _

_Curfew regulations have been posted in each student hall, and each floor's bulletin has the schedule. _

_On behalf of the administration, and Hollis Paper, PLEASE BE SAFE!_

Byron dropped the paper on to the desk and placed his hand over his upper lip, shaking his head. Ezra had the byline.

He set the paper aside. The one under it had a similar headline.

_**Curfew Still In Effect; More Students Come Forward**_

He read the short article that went along with it; it was almost word for word what Ezra had written in the release 2 weeks prior, but it wasn't his byline.

Byron furrowed his brow and shook his head, picking up the paper. The next three papers had headlines that spoke of the rapist. After that, news of it dispersed, but no article after the first one had Ezra's name in it.

As he restacked the papers, curiosity started to build. Had the story been passed around the room? Had the story been taken away from Ezra? Or had he refused to continue it after something had happened?

Byron picked up the phone on his desk and dialed the number to the house as he placed the newspapers back in the bag that he'd been given when they gave him the copies. After a minute, the line clicked over.

"_Byron?"_

"Yeah, he replied, making sure that the five papers were set aside at the top of the stack and then placed the bag on the floor. "We need to talk about Aria and Ezra."


	2. Don't You Ever Wonder How We Survive

**A/N: **This chapter clears a lot of things up and answers a lot of questions. It's a slow and steady build to answering every question you guys are asking, but give it time. This story is dark enough as it is. ;) And as always: REVIEW! I'm out on a ledge, writing this story, and knowing what you think and that you like it, helps!

_Chapter 2_

_Don't You Ever Wonder How We Survive? _

Ezra held his arm near his chest as he flipped through the teachers manual on his desk. Even though he had taken the day off and given his students a free day, he still didn't want to be at home. Ever since the night before, his memories had been running rampant on him, and the last thing he wanted to do was have time to be left alone with his thoughts.

A knock at his door brought his focus upwards. It was Jackie.

"What do you want?" His tone was emotionless. He was still incredibly pissed at her for the stunt she'd pulled with Aria a few months earlier, but he really didn't want to argue with her about it.

"I came to ask if I could borrow your book on the Spanish Inquisition," she said softly from the doorway. She only took a few steps into the room when she spotted the cast on his arm. "What happened to your wrist?"

Ezra turned to the bookshelf behind him and began searching through the books, running his left index finger along the spines of the books to find the one she was asking for.

"You didn't try and talk Professor Montgomery again, did you?"

Ezra sighed, continuing to look through the books. "No. My fist had a long talk with a wall last night."

His fingers twitched, giving off the threat that if the discussion went any further, he was going to start shaking again, from the damn memories.

"Damn, Z…" Ezra pulled a book out of the bookshelf and settled it on the desk. He looked over his shoulder at her as he did so. "You're not allowed to call me that anymore. We're not friends."

He turned back to the bookshelf. He knew he had a better book with more information, if only he could find it…

"So what are we then," she asked curiously. "You lend books to people who aren't your friends?" Ezra pulled the book out of the shelf and settled it on top of the other book as he turned around. He pushed the books towards her. "We're colleagues. Just like me and Mr. Montgomery."

"Really? Even though you're sleeping with his daughter," she said in a snarky manner.

"Aria and I aren't sleeping together," Ezra growled at her. It was like dominoes falling, remembering what she had looked like the night before when she walked into the Montgomery home. Being at the hospital with her. Remembering. "Damn it, Jackie."

She had picked up the books, but placed them back down on the desk, reaching a hand out to touch his left hand, whish he'd pounded onto the desk.

"Ezra…What happened?" He looked up at her after a moment. "None of your damn business."

She tipped her head at him. "Ezra, I know you better than most people."

He looked up at her to say something, and then looked past her. Hardy was standing in the doorway.

"I was gonna ask if you wanted to grab lunch." Hardy said. "What's Psycho Wannabe Vanessa Hudgens doing here?"

Jackie rolled her eyes, turning around. "Really, Hardy? Ezra's-" "Dealing with a lot of crap today? I knew that last night. See, some people are more privileged to his life than you are."

Ezra huffed and rolled his eyes at them. "Really, you two? Arguing over something this stupid." He looked over at Hardy. "I'm not hungry. Thanks, though."

Hardy crossed his arms. "Have you eaten anything today? I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to pop Vicodin on an empty stomach."

Ezra shook his head, becoming more annoyed with each passing second. "Would you let it go?"

"Let go of the fact that the most serious thing that's happened to you since your parents split up is affecting you right now? No. I'm not above calling your mother, either."

Jackie looked back at Hardy. "He told her?"

"No," Ezra said sternly, looking at Jackie. He looked back at Hardy again. "Call my mother, and I'll tell your girlfriend you hooked up with three different girls the first month you were together." Hardy rolled his eyes. "You really think **that** is going to stop me?" "I am **not** inept to breaking my other hand," Ezra growled. "Let. It. Go."

"What is _**wrong**_with you?" Jackie asked. "I've **never** seen you talk to him like that."

_He was laying in his bed, legs curled up to his chest with the blanket pulled tightly over him. At least from the top bunk, he could see if anyone was breaking in before they actually got in the room. _

_He felt sick with himself. He hadn't moved since stripping the bottom bunk the day before, and cleaning up the room. He couldn't stand the idea of having to look at those sheets and blankets, knowing what had happened with them. He couldn't stand the idea of eating something; putting it in his mouth and swallowing it. _

_The dorm room door opened. He clenched his eyes shut and covered his arm over his eyes, feigning sleep. That plan quickly faltered when flashes of the night before ran through his mind, and he threw his arm down, resigning to staring at the wall again. Hardy moved about the room, unzipping his bag and tossing things onto the floor. _

"_Where's all of my clothes?" Hardy said aloud. "Those blue jeans had that girl Maria's number." _

_He turned around and looked up at the top bunk. "Z, man. Did you do laundry?" _

_Ezra looked down at Hardy. He nodded silently. _

"_Did you clean out the pockets first?" Ezra knew he had, but he had no idea what he'd done with the notes and other miscellaneous things that he'd found. He slowly moved his blankets off of him and moved down off the top bunk, never once turning his attention away from Hardy. He dug through the things he had put on Hardy's desk and then turned to him when he had found the napkin. He handed it over. _

_Hardy looked over at him and took the napkin. "What's got you so quiet? You break something?" _

_Ezra turned around and walked back to his desk. If he wasn't focusing on Hardy, then he didn't have to answer him. _

_He started shifting things around on his desk, moving and restacking things just to look like he was actually doing something. _

"_I see you stripped my bed," Hardy exclaimed. "Are you sick or something?" _

_Still, Ezra kept his back turned, rearranging his textbooks in order of the days he had classes. He nearly jumped when Hardy yelled a moment later. _

"_What the fuck is this? Seriously, you'd have sex with some girl in my bed and not even dispose of the condom?" He was scowling at Ezra. _

_Ezra looked at the used condom. He had no idea at what point it had been used the night before, but it wasn't as if he could see much to be sure anyway. He looked at Hardy and then back at the condom and shook his head. He opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't figure out a way to lie that didn't not make him feel more sick than he already did. _

"_This is sick, Z. And really low coming from you," Hardy said. _

_Ezra just stared at him for a moment and then turned and walked into the bathroom. He shut the door behind him and then stepped over to the toilet and squatted down in front of it and threw up. _

"Ezra!"

He looked up at Jackie and Hardy, who were both now standing directly in front of the desk. "Sorry." Hardy shook his head. "You need to talk to someone. You haven't been like this since-" "I told you to let it go," Ezra countered.

"God damn it, Ezra. No! I'm- hell, **we're** worried about you."

"Its not-" His words trailed off as he looked up to see Byron standing the doorway. "What's up?"

"Are you joining us for dinner? Ella said Aria's been asking to see you since she woke up this morning." Byron said.

Ezra nodded, picking up his up of coffee off the desk. He took a drink from it. "I'll be there."

Byron nodded and walked out of the room.

"Ezra, you're on a dangerous road to self destruction," Hardy warned.

Ezra looked back him with an expression of complete contempt. "Yeah, and you haven't got a damn clue what you're talking about."

"Right, because someone else was living with you in that dorm for two months! Someone else told your mother to make sure you didn't try to hurt yourself. How damn long do I have to watch your back and worry whether or not you pick up another blade to try and do yourself in again?"

Ezra shook his head and clenched his fists. "Get the hell out of my office, and don't come looking to talk to me again."

He and Hardy stared each other down, until finally Hardy turned to Jackie.

"It'd be in your best interest to avoid this disaster before it blows up in your face." He walked out of the room, and a moment later, Jackie walked out behind him with the books Ezra had borrowed her.

Ezra picked up the copy of Sense and Sensibility he had sitting on his desk and threw it across the room with every amount of force he could muster.

_-  
>Days too dark and nights are pain<br>- _

Ezra pushed the lasagna on his plate around with his for. He'd taken all of two bites out of it so far.

He looked over at Aria. She hadn't said much since he'd shown up, and she hadn't eaten much either.

"Are you two alright?" Byron asked as he finished off what was on his own plate.

Aria shrugged, looking over at Ezra. "Just not hungry," she said quietly. She dropped her fork on her plate and wrapped her arms around her legs, which she had pulled up to her chest.

Byron and Ella both looked to Ezra.

"Big lunch," he lied. "Sorry. It tastes good, though."

Ella and Byron began clearing away the table and suggested Aria and Ezra talk as they did so. Neither of them seemed to have any objection to it. Anything was better than sitting in front of a plate full of food that wasn't going to get eaten.

Ezra followed Aria into her room, and sat down in the brown leather chair next to her bed while she wrapped herself up inside her blankets. She curled up at the end of the bed, looking over at him.

"How was your day?"

Ezra shrugged. He had his legs pulled up behind him in the chair. "Work. How was yours?" He tried to feel interested, but he was torn between being locked up in his own thoughts, and physically hurting because of how easily he could see that she was. He hated seeing her so torn down and vulnerable.

"Nothing special," she replied softly. "My mom went and got some of my homework so I could focus on something." Ezra nodded. Silence quickly filled the spaces around them again. He didn't want to open his mouth to say another word. He feared that the next thing he said would be something about the secret he was trying too hard to keep hidden and buried. He loved and adored Aria, but he couldn't actually imagine having her know those things.

"Is there anything I can do?" He asked after a while. He looked over at Aria.

She had been crying quietly. He was surprised. He hadn't even heard her sniffle. "Come sit up here with me?" Ezra nodded slowly. He pushed up out of his chair and walked over to the bed and laid down on the side nearest to the wall. He extended his arm to wrap around her once she had shifted so that she was lying next to him.

Aria nuzzled her chin against his chest as Ezra ran his fingers up and down the side of her upper arm. They continued to let the silence linger, both too afraid to say something. Ezra wondered if Aria knew. Aria wondered if he thought she was damaged now.

"I love you," he whispered after a while. The room was mostly dark, except for the touch lamp Aria had next to her bed, which was on its lowest setting.

"I love you too," she whispered back.

Ezra slipped his arm under hers and let her interlace their fingers. Silence was rampant once again as they laid there.

After a while, he jumped when a loud noise filled his eardrums. It phased him that he had fallen asleep. Aria was still curled up against him, and the table lamp was off.

He popped his head up above hers, feeling the stiffness in his bones. The clock said it was 1 AM.

Ezra looked down at Aria. She was sleeping soundly, not appearing to be in any type of distress. It surprised him slightly. His clothes were half-stuck to his body and he was covered head to toe in sweat.

He couldn't remember much of his dream, beyond being back in his dorm room during senior year. He'd woken up as his attacker was pulling off his mask, leaving him once again in the dark.

Ezra gently slipped his arm out from under Aria and moved off the bed as quietly as possible. Aria turned over as he got off the bed and curled up next to the pillow he'd been sleeping on. Ezra leaned over and kissed her cheek and then turned and walked out of the room.

He walked down the hall, stopping when he reached the bathroom. He flipped on the light as he stepped inside. He looked up at himself briefly in the mirror and then just as quickly turned away. Too easily, he could see all the emotions behind his eyes that were conflicting him. He could see things too easily that he didn't want other people to know.

He turned on the tap and removed his watch from his left wrist. He settled it on the side of the vanity and placed his hands under the tap. As he waited for the water to turn room temperature, he stared at the scar on his wrist. It had only been a year, but it was still there to remind him of all the things that had happened.

_He was perched in the corner of the bathroom farthest away from the toilet. It wasn't a big room to begin with, but it was as far away from the dorm room and everything else that he could get without actually getting up and leaving. His head was resting between his knees, his hands dug into his hair. _

_The logic that this was his life just didn't seem to fit right. Just six months ago, things had been so different. He had been engaged to be married. He had been starting the tedious job of picking out china patterns for a post-graduation wedding. Hell, he'd been on good terms with Jackie. Now he couldn't stand to look at her. _

_He pulled his hands out of his hair and crossed them over his knees, still keeping his head down. He was ninety-nine percent sure that Hardy thought he was off his rocker. And why wouldn't he? It wasn't like Ezra ever talked to anyone anymore. _

_He slowly lifted his head up and rested it on his chin. From where he sat, the ceiling and the top of the wall reflected off the mirror. Great. At least he didn't have to see how horrid he looked. No one was ever going to see him as worthy again. All of this had done the opposite, and made him worthless. Worthless and damaged beyond repair. _

_All for a fucking byline. _

Byron stood just outside the bathroom for a moment, watching as Ezra gripped the edges of the toilet bowl, retching. After a few seconds, it phased him that the younger man was choking, trying to breathe while his body worked against him. He walked into the bathroom and squatted down near Ezra.

With a few generous slaps to the back, stomach acid and bile finally ran up Ezra's throat and into the toilet. He retched again, heaving more stomach acid into the porcelain bowl.

A few moments after he was able to take a breath, he slowly lowered back and sat down on the floor, resting his arms across his knees. He pushed his hair back, sweat from struggling to get sick making it slick.

Byron stood and grabbed a paper cup from next to the sink. He filled it with cool water and then handed it to Ezra.

Ezra looked up at him briefly as he took the cup. "Thanks," he said breathily.

Byron nodded. He leaned back against the sink. "You sick?"

Ezra shook his head before he even had a chance to think about a logical excuse that didn't give away the deepest secret he'd ever kept. "Probably should've eaten more today," he said after a minute.

Byron's brow furrowed in confusion. "I thought you had a big lunch?"

"I lied." Ezra resigned.

Byron placed his hands on the edge of the sink on either side of him and curled his fingers around the underside of it. "Did you and Aria talk?"

Ezra tossed the now empty paper cup into the trash next to the toilet and crossed both his arms over his legs. "About what?"

Byron just looked down at the floor. **That** definitely wasn't the way to start this conversation.

"I know we've come to some form of an agreement, letting you and Aria have an open relationship. I never imagined that there could be so much understanding between you two, though."

Ezra looked at him suspiciously. "What are you getting at, Mr. Montgomery?"

Byron opened his mouth to reply, and then second-guessed himself. Was this really the right situation to talk about things that happened to Ezra? Wouldn't it be better for Aria to come to them when the time was right and have her tell them what Ezra had told her? Did he even really **know** anything? Or was he just guessing things? Maybe it really _was_ just Ezra being affected by what Aria had been through.

"Byron?"

Both Ezra and Byron looked up as Ella stepped into the doorway. She looked as if she'd just woken up.

"Ezra's still here?" "Aria and I fell asleep earlier," Ezra said quickly. He pushed up from the floor and brushed his hands down his pants. "I should go."

He walked out of the room and down the stairs, leaving them standing there together. Ella turned and watched his shadow retreat down the staircase.

"I'm worried about them." She said.

Byron looked towards the staircase. After a few moments, the front door opened quietly, and then closed. "Maybe I jumped to conclusions. Maybe-"Ella shook her head at him, narrowing her eyes. "No. Aria ate more of her food than he did. Something is wrong with him." "Is it really our place to question, though?" Byron asked. "Ezra's life is his own."

"Really?" Ella asked. She crossed her arms. "You **do** realize what your daughter has just been put through, don't you? Ezra is either going to be the first person she pushes away, or the first person she lets in. And if Ezra-… if he's been… through what you say he's been through-" "I didn't _say_ anything," Byron commented. "I guessed, from what I'd read."

"The both of them could be hurt very bad, very fast," Ella finished.

_-  
>I'm coming home, I'm coming home<br>__Tell the world I'm coming home  
>- <em>

Aria ran her fingers through her hair as she settled her coat over the side of Ezra's couch. He was standing in the kitchen, half awake, trying to put together. It was almost noon, but she could tell that he hadn't slept well.

"Do you need any help in there?" She chuckled softly as he walked into the counter. He scowled and placed the coffee pot onto the heating pad before flipping the switch for the coffee to start brewing.

"S'fine," he said as he walked back across the room. He grabbed a t-shirt off his bed and then circled around the couch, sitting in the spot on the other side of the couch from her. He pulled the shirt on.

Aria scooted a few inches over and grabbed his broken hand. She brushed her fingers over his injured knuckles.

"You did this the other night?"

Ezra nodded. "Mmm."

Aria looked up at him, lacing her fingers gently between his own, being wary of his broken knuckles. "Are you okay, Ezra?"

"Why do you keep asking me that?" He questioned. "I'm not the one who's been hurt."

Aria shrugged. "I honestly don't know. But something about you seems…That's just it. I don't know."

"Aren't you supposed to be hurting?" He asked her. The lack of pain he'd seen her exude made him feel so inadequate. Was he really _that_ damaged?

She bit her tongue for a moment and shrugged. Her eyes became glassy. "I am. I just… I don't know. It doesn't feel like it's okay to be hurt." Ezra's head dropped forward an inch. "Doesn't feel_ okay_? Aria, someone…" It almost hurt him too much to say the words. To lift that thin veil so high that it was almost obvious he understood her. "Someone took something from you, that they didn't have any right to. Stripped you of every possible defense just to have control and cause you suffering. How is it not_ okay_ to feel that?"

"I don't know," she murmured with a wavering voice.

Ezra extended his arms towards her. She moved across the couch and turned around so that she was resting against him. He wrapped his arm gently under hers. Aria held his broken hand under her chin. Ezra rested his cheek against her hair.

For a while, they sat there in silence. Long after the coffee percolator stopped processing the water, they still sat there in the same position. Ezra wavered back and forth on a tough decision. He wanted so badly to make Aria see how easily he could understand what she was feeling and what she was afraid of. In the same difference, he didn't know how he could honestly tell her the truth, and not feel like he was being selfish.

But was it okay to be selfish?

He opened his mouth, searching for the right words to start.

"How can someone do something so sick and selfish, and be okay with themselves?"Aria's voice was soft, but he could tell that she'd been crying quietly.

He closed his mouth. "I don't know, baby."

Aria pushed herself up and turned to face him, though she still held his hand against her body. "I mean, I know women do it too, but why do men think that they can do things like this? And why do **I** have to be the one that suffers? Why do I have to be the one that's made worthless? Screwed up? Damaged?"

Ezra opened his mouth again, and closed it. Again. No, it wasn't fair.

He lifted his left hand to her cheek and leaned forward. "You're not worthless, screwed up, or damaged. You are Aria Montgomery, and you're beautiful, and oh, so loved." He pressed his lips to her forehead.

Aria closed her eyes, bringing her other hand up to his left wrist, wrapping it there as his lips were on her forehead. Tears fell down her face as she blinked.

Ezra rested his forehead against hers.

"I just don't understand what I did to deserve this," she whimpered, shaking her head.

Ezra felt like someone had kicked him in the chest. **Hard**. How many times had he asked himself the same question? And if it wasn't something he had done wrong in the past, what future wrong could he possibly do?

What he did know, though, was that even if **he** was wrong for letting this relationship, Aria wasn't. She was the life story of innocence and beauty. There wasn't anything that she had done to deserve this. Even if it made it all his fault.

"It's **not** your fault," he said firmly. _It's mine. _

_-  
>I drew my line across the sand<br>__And set my flag in no-man's land  
>- <em>

Ezra pushed up from his bed, groaning softly as he leaned on his right elbow. His left hand brushed over his eyes, wiping away the gunk that had gathered in the corners of his eyes.

Aria looked down at him. She had her laptop open on her lap.

"I fell asleep?" He asked.

She nodded, setting the machine down at the end of the bed. "I never knew Vicodin made you so loopy."

Ezra shrugged, pushing himself up into a seated position. He leaned back against the wall behind him. "I've only taken it on a handful of occasions." Aria chuckled. "Handful."

Ezra rolled his eyes, though he smirked at her twist on his comment. After lying on the couch for a while, the pain from his wrist had eventually escalated enough to a point where he needed to take something. The last thing he remembered before waking up was lying down in his bed next to Aria.

"Did you sleep?" He asked.

"A little," Aria replied. She pulled her laptop back into her lap. "After a while, I just got up and started hanging out on google."

"And what did the lofty search engine turn up?"

Aria shrugged. "Not much. A few victims support websites." "Oh, yeah? I-" He wasn't sure what scared him more. The words that had almost come out of his mouth, the look on Aria's face, or the fact that he didn't know how he was going to cover this lie. Ever since Aria had found out about Jackie working at Hollis, he had avoided anything that meant lying to her. He knew how much lying affected her relationships, because of the lie her father had asked her to tell with his affair with his own student.

"I've heard of those." He said after a moment. He hoped she hadn't caught onto him.

Aria shrugged, leaning back against the bookcase behind his bed. "Some of them are dead. Others aren't posted on very often. I found one though, that seems to be alive. It's a broad spectrum forum."

Ezra nodded, peering over her shoulder. "Posting already?" Aria shook her head. "Just snooping."

Ezra laid back down on his bed, happy to let her peruse the internet if she was content to do so, and closed his eyes. He didn't sleep, but he rested. The night before hadn't been fair to him in the way of sleep. It had brought plenty of nightmares and more than enough restlessness.

After a while, Aria closed her computer and put it down on the floor. She laid down next to Ezra and looked over at him.

"Can I ask you something?" He opened his eyes and looked down at his cast. Down the inside of his forearm, she had scrawled something.

_He's the air knocked out of my lungs -  
><em>_He's the reason I can't breathe  
><em>_He's the push that makes me hit the ground -  
><em>_He's the reason I can't stand on my own_

_He's the sun, he's the light  
><em>_He's my dream every night  
><em>_He's the air, he's the fire  
><em>_He is my every desire.  
><em>_-Love, Pookiebear_

He looked up at her. "You wrote this?"

She shrugged. "It's been blank. I thought it needed some love."

Ezra smiled at her. "It's beautiful. Thank you." Aria nodded. "So, my question?"

Ezra nodded as well. "Anything."

"Are you friends with Jackie again?" Ezra furrowed his brow, almost in a grimace. "Not at _all_. What would give you that idea?"

"My dad said she was in your office yesterday with Hardy," Aria replied. Her voice was innocent, non-judging.

"She stopped by and asked if she could borrow a book. I don't have any wish to be friends with her, but if it makes her students smarter, then who am I to stop her from learning more so they can?"

Aria nodded. "So that was all?"

"Yes," he drawled out. "Why?"

"I don't know." Aria shook her head. "It's nothing," she said after a moment. _You seem different. I just can't put my finger on it. Or maybe its me,_ she thought to herself. _Maybe I'm too fucked up now, and you're just too nice to admit it._

Ezra started to open his mouth. Maybe he really should tell her. Was she suspecting?

_What the hell is it that you keep stopping yourself from saying? Why can't you just open your damn mouth and say we can't be together anymore? How long is this going to drag out?_

"I don't want to be with Jackie," he said finally. "Besides, she left with Hardy," he lied. _Well she __**kind-of**__ did…_

He'd just told her not two hours earlier that she wasn't screwed up or damaged, and yet Aria wondered if that's exactly what he thought she was, as he continued to dance around her with almost-perfect answers, instead of just the truth. Maybe that's exactly what he thought of her, if he couldn't just tell her what was on his mind.

But for Ezra, it was anything but that simple. It was too easy to dance around the truth, to push it aside like food on a plate. It was never convenient for him to face his life in this context. There was always something better, something more important. And Aria had always given him a perfect excuse to push it to the back of his mind.

And there was that feeling again. The one that said what happened to her was his fault, because he couldn't deal with his own life. That someone was slapping him in the face with reality because he needed to finally open up to what had become of his life.

Even as she slipped her fingers into his palm and wrapped her fingers around the plaster cast, it was like someone was tearing a lightening bolt down between them. Just shy of the perfect answer wasn't what she was looking for, and the truth wasn't something he was willing to give. They were starting to slowly pull apart at the seams.

_Because she __**was**__ damaged, _she thought.

_Because she deserved better than someone who was too screwed up to face the reality his life had become, _he believed. _She deserved to have someone who could really help her through this, instead of someone who continued to run from it all. She __**was**__ better than him. _

"I love you, Aria." _But you won't love me when you know just how fucked up I am._

_The not-damaged parts of me, right? _She thought. "I love you too."


	3. Walking On A Tightrope I Am So Afraid

**A/N: **Trust me, it is **KILLING **me to make Jackie a good person in this story. I swear it's worth it, though.

_Chapter 3_

_Walking On A Tightrope, I Am So Afraid To Fall_

Aria stared at the open books in front of her on her parents table. If there was one thing she was grateful for in the last few days, it was the fact that A was gone and dead. With everything that had happened to her in the last few days on top of how Ezra was acting, it was too hard for her to even think of someone trying to stalk her.

Spencer sat down at the table next to her and placed a glass of water next to Aria. Aria looked up at her. She dropped her pen on her notebook and sat back against the chair she was in, wrapping her arms around her legs.

"Gotten any work done?" Spencer asked tentatively.

Aria shrugged. "Some. I'm getting nowhere on this paper my mom wants done next week though. I just…" She trailed off, shaking her head.

Spencer furrowed her brow. She pulled one of her legs up onto the chair she was sitting in and tucked her ankle under her knee, resting her arm over the neck of the chair. "What is it?"

"I'm scared," Aria said honestly.

"That's understandable," Spencer replied.

Aria shook her head, running a hand through her hair. "No, not about getting hurt. I'm worried about Ezra. He's been really…distant. Something's wrong with him."

Spencer furrowed her brow. She picked up her glass of water and took a drink from it. "Are you sure? Maybe he just doesn't know how to be since everything that happened with-" Aria shook her head again. "No, Spence. I'm telling you, something is wrong with him."

Spencer opened her mouth to reply, but she looked up a moment later as Ella walked into the kitchen.

"How're you two coming along with your homework?"

Aria looked up at her mom. "It's not. Can't I just…have an extension or something on this paper? I don't know what to write."

Ella tilted her head to the side, pondering the question for a moment. "You can have an extra day. Why don't you just take some time and get out of here for a little while. I'm headed over to Hollis to talk to your father anyway."

"Do you have to go?" Aria asked.

Spencer and Ella exchanged a look. Spencer reached a hand out and touched Aria's arm. "Don't worry. I don't have to be anywhere. I'll stay here with you, or we can go to my place." "Okay…But we can stay here," Aria murmured.

Ella leaned down and placed a kiss on Aria's head. "I'll be back in a little while. I left a twenty on the counter for dinner if you want to order in." "Alright."

_-  
>This place we used to go<br>__Today I went alone  
>- <em>

Ella knocked lightly on the door in front of her, even though the door was already open. Ezra looked up from the book he was currently flipping through on his desk.

"Ella, hi. Is something wrong?" She looked out into the hall and then turned back to him.

"Um, can I talk to you for a few moments?" Ezra stared at her, doe-eyed for a few moments before he nodded. "Absolutely. Is something wrong with Aria?"

Ella stepped into the room and pulled the door shut behind her. She looked him over. He looked pallor in color and tired. She could see dark circles were trying to form under his eyes, so he clearly wasn't sleeping well.

Ella took a long deep breath and then folded her hands in front of her. She was honestly nervous about having this conversation. She knew that Byron desperately wanted to shrug this entire situation away and not talk about any of it. She knew if Byron could have it his way, there wouldn't be a discussion at all. They would just brush the entire issue under the rug. Then again, Byron wanted to do the same thing with everything Aria was going through, too, because he didn't want to face what had happened.

Ezra walked around his desk and leaned against the front of it. "Please sit." He waved his good hand towards the couch.

Ella shook her head. The nervous energy pacing through her was too much to keep her from moving for more than a few seconds. She took a deep breath and finally started.

"You know we spent a year overseas in Iceland, correct?"

"Right." Ezra nodded. "Aria and I met the day you got back. We told you about that."

"No, I know," Ella agreed. She was tentative to even try and ask him about these things. "But- You know, when we were away, we didn't really know much about what went on here locally. We really didn't look into it that much I guess, either." She paused for a moment, pondering her questions for a moment before she spoke again. "Byron recently saw some papers from last term-" Ezra bit down hard on his tongue. "Did you guys talk to Hardy?"

Ella looked at him with her mouth slightly ajar. She didn't know how to answer his question without worrying that she had upset him. The last thing she wanted to do was make him feel like they were prying into his life. Her face took on a pained look. She didn't want to hurt him.

"The night Aria was hurt, we asked why you were so upset. He wouldn't say anything beyond the papers. Ezra, we-"

Ezra shook his head, pushing off of his desk. "You don't want anything more than to pry into my past is what you and Byron want."

"No," Ella insisted. She waved her hands in a wind-shield wiper motion. "Byron and I wanted to apologize, Ezra."

His brow furrowed in confusion. _"Why?" _

"For accussing you of all the things we did, when you and Aria came to us. If we had known-"

"Stop!" He said angrily. "There's a reason no one knows about those things. They're in the past. And its feels really disrespectful that you would suddenly decide that the choices we made weren't wrong anymore because you can see that I'm damaged now."

Ella shook her head. "Ezra, that's not at all what I'm saying."

"I really can't deal with this right now," Ezra insisted. He turned around and faced his desk, moving things around just to keep himself focused on anything but what she was bringing up.

"Ezra, please just listen- Oh screw it. I'll talk to your back if I have to." Ella crossed her arms. "You know the reason that I was the first to come to you and tell you that it was alright to see Aria is because I understood how real this is for the two of you. Aria is my oldest child, and my only daughter. I expected this to happen a few years from now. I never expected that she'd find… you, at sixteen."

Ezra turned around to look at her. "Your point?" His voice was raw with pain.

Ella let out a shaky breath. She could see how much this conversation was hurting him, and she hadn't even asked him anything yet about what he'd been through. "When I started accepting that I couldn't change how you and Aria feel about each other, I knew that I had to start accepting that, like it or not, you're a part of this family now. We care when things happen to you." Ezra nodded, clenching his jaw as he leaned back against his desk again. His fingers gripped the edges of it as he stared at the floor.

"It was about a year ago," he said softly. "I was twenty-one, and I was alone on campus for the weekend. And he, ah, broke the hinge on my window. I should've been on the top bunk, but Hardy was gone for the weekend, and I had been studying in the library." He bit his tongue and his brow furrowed. His chest caved as a silent cry moved through him. "When Hardy came back Sunday evening, he thought I'd lost my mind, because I wouldn't say anything. And then he got pissed because he thought I threw a party while he was gone. It took me missing three days of classes and an STI for him to realize what had happened. Not sure he's ever gotten past the way he treated me that week."

Ella had to keep her arms crossed to keep from moving or doing anything. She felt her heart breaking for the younger man standing in front of her, and she desperately wanted to do something, anything to show him that it was okay; that what he was remembering was in the past. But she didn't really feel like she was the right person to do that.

"He came back," Ezra forced past a knot in his throat. "More than once. And he took everything I had. When I met Aria, I had no idea who I was. I never thought there was any chance of things happening the way the did between she and I, because there was so much she didn't know. And, I never understood why those things happened to me the way they did." He finally took a long breath and turned back to face his desk."I do now."

Ella stared at him, confused by his final statement. "What do you mean?"

"It's nothing," Ezra murmured. "Was that all you wanted to know."

Ella narrowed her eyes at him. "No, Ezra. No. You don't get to blame yourself for what happened to Aria. The things that that boy did to her aren't your fault."

"You say that like you understand what we've been through, but you don't." Ezra said.

"Maybe so," Ella replied. She walked over to him and pushed his arm back as she came to stand beside him, trying to make him face her. "But I know that there's not a single thing that you could have done to have stopped what happened that night. Neither could Aria have. There are a lot of people who could take the blame for what happened that night, but the honest truth is that a lot of things fell out of place and she was left to fend for herself. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't right, but it's what ended up happening. That doesn't mean its your fault."

Ezra looked up at her. His jaw was tight. "Then explain to me why…" He shook his head.

Ella frowned. She reached a hand up and cupped his cheek. "Ezra, if I knew the answer to that question, I'd stop my daughter from crying in her sleep, and I'd tell you, too. I honestly don't know why those things happened to the two of you. And I don't want to say the wrong thing, because I think any wrong thing is just going to hurt the both of you right now."

"I probably earned it," Ezra told her. "But Aria **never** should've been hurt like this."

_-  
>I woke up before the sun<br>__Chased your ghost across the yard  
>- <em>

Ella pulled the door to Byron's office shut. Her nerves were so completely shot. She couldn't believe so much of their lives had changed so much in the last few days.

Byron looked up at her from his desk. "What's wrong? You look upset."

Ella nodded, rubbing her hands up and down her forearms. "I am. I just came from Ezra's office."

Byron popped up out of his chair. "Is he alright? Aria? Is something-"

Ella extended her hand out and rested it on his shoulder as he came to stand in front of her. "Aria is fine. But I told you before that I was worried about Ezra. I went to talk to him about the things that we read in the papers from last year."

"Ella-"

"Byron, stop." She insisted. "It was true."

"What do you mean true?" Byron asked.

Ella shook her head, looking down at the couch. "He didn't tell me much, but he told me enough to tell me that he definitely knows what Aria is going through right now. I don't even know where to begin with all the things that those two are dealing with, but I'm worried. I'm worried about him, and her separately, and I'm worried about them together. What if they become codependent?"

"We won't let them," Byron told her softly.

Ella shook her head, turning back to face him. "How did we let this man into our lives, and not see **any** of this? How did we not see his pain? How did we over look all of this when he and Aria came to us? I **don't** understand, Byron. I really don't understand how we didn't see any of it. I mean, were we _really_ that blind?"

Byron shook his head at Ella. "No. Ezra and Aria are very good at hiding things. That's probably one of the ways they found each other."

-  
><em>now again i've found myself<br>so far down away from the sun again_  
>-<p>

Aria leaned against Ezra, closing her eyes as they laid next to each other in her bed. She knew she was really tempting fate, laying with her back against him, but he was the safest place she knew, whether he was being distant or not. She held his cast-wrapped hand against her body as she laid there with her eyes closed.

"How was your day?" She asked.

Ezra brushed his fingers through her hair, watching her while she rested. It broke his heart to see her resting so peacefully. He hated knowing that she was hurting.

"It was alright," he replied. "Nothing too special about it. How was yours?" Aria rolled her shoulders. She moved her thumb in circles against his hand. "It wasn't anything special either. My parents aren't sending me back to school until next week, so I was kind of lazy on homework. Just…kind of sat around." Ezra leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "You doing okay otherwise?" Aria shrugged again. "I guess. I'm just tired, mostly."

"Go to sleep," Ezra told her softly. "I'll be here as long as you need me to be."

Aria shifted slightly against him, nuzzling her face into the side of his arm as she still held it against her. Ezra just continued to brush his fingers lightly through her hair.

He tensed lightly when Ella came to lean against the doorframe. It made him nervous to not know why she was standing there. Was she going to ask him about earlier? He wasn't sure he was ready to tell Aria about those things…

"Everything alright in here?" "Mmm," Aria murmured. "It's all peachy."

Both Ella and Ezra could hear the sarcasm that Aria was trying to hide in her voice, but Ezra didn't seem to mind it. He knew he'd been distant the last few days with everything gong on. Part of it was because he honestly didn't know how to approach how this affected he and Aria. He didn't want to hurt her.

"Ezra, are you staying?" Aria tightened her grip on his arm. The corners of his mouth tugged up into a tight smile. "For now."

Ella nodded. "If you wouldn't mind, Byron and I would like to speak with you before you go." Aria opened her eyes. "What'd he do now?"

Ella shook her head. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong." Ella looked Ezra clear in the eyes. "Just a few questions about the end of the year mixer."

Ezra lifted his hand up and and looked at the time on his watch. "Why don't we just do this now then. I've got finals that I haven't even started pulling together."He started to push himself up off the bed, but Aria pulled on his broken wrist.

"Wait. Are you coming back?"

Ezra looked up at her as he moved to step off the bed. "Maybe. I don't know. I'll come say goodbye though."

He kissed her forehead and then pulled his hand free from her grip and walked towards the door. He grabbed his jacket from Aria's desk chair and followed Ella out of the room, down the stairs into the sitting room.

Byron walked out of the kitchen, carrying a glass that appeared to have scotch in it. "Ezra."

Ezra nodded to Byron. "What's up?"

"We're…" Ella looked to Byron.

"Worried," Byron said.

Ezra took a frustrated breath, rolling his neck as he pressed his tongue into his cheek. "My life isn't open enough to you already? It's not enough to know every move Aria and I make _on top_ of the things you-"

"Ezra." He hated it when Ella talked like that. She had the ability to make him feel like he was child caught with his hand in the cookie jar before dinner.

"_What?_"

His steely-eyed glare certainly could compete with hers as they stared each other down.

"Hey," Byron interjected. "Nobody wants to start an argument right now. And just so we're clear, I was the one who looked into what happened last year. We were worried after how you reacted the night Aria-"

"Your daughter was raped," Ezra said bluntly as he turned to look at Byron.

Byron took a step back, as if the harshness of Ezra's words were coming as fresh news to him. He and Ella looked back and forth between Ezra and each other.

"I'm sorry," Ezra said critically. "You're living in a world where things are just supposed to pick up and get better, and that's living in a dream world. Someone has just ripped the rug out from under Aria without so much as a reason why. You're **lucky** your daughter is even on speaking terms with anyone at the moment. It's a hell of a lot better than where I was when…" His voice trailed off and he shook his head.

"Ezra-"

"No," he argued. "Why do are you two so insistent on knowing every _little_ thing?"

"Stop!" Ella bellowed. "Take a deep breath and get a handle on yourself," she insisted.

Ezra shook his head at her. "I'm done with this. You can tell Aria I'll see her tomorrow." He turned on his heel and walked out of the house, pulling the door shut behind him as he stepped outside, with a slam.

A few moments later, Aria raced down the steps and leaned over the banister. "Where's Ezra?"

Ella looked up at her from where she stood in the sitting room. "He left, sweetie."

Aria sighed and settled down on to the steps. She chewed lightly on her bottom lip as she wrapped her arms around her legs.

Ella walked over to the steps and walked up them until she was standing at eye-level with Aria.

"What's wrong with him, mom?" Aria asked softly. "I mean, is it me? Am I too screwed up for him now? Does he not love me anymore?"

Ella swallowed a hard knot in her throat. She gave Aria a small smile and sat down next to her. She wrapped her arm around her daughter. "I'm **very** sure that that is absolutely **not** the reason why Ezra his reacting the way he is."

Aria turned her head to look at Ella. "Then what, mom? Because I don't understand why he's… I don't know. He won't talk to me anymore, not really. Its like every time we get close to finally being honest about what's going on, he puts a wall up. And lately it seems like he's always _just _about to say something, and then he changes his mind? I mean, am I that damaged that he can't be honest with me anymore? He used to tell me everything."

Ella wrapped her arm around Aria. Aria rested her head on Ella's shoulder.

"I think whatever it is that Ezra is going through, he'll come to you when he's ready. But I'm absolutely positive that it has nothing to do with you or anything you've done, sweetie. Just give it time. You're both in very tough places right now."

_-  
>Just close your eyes and let me lead<br>__Follow me home to where the lonely ones roam  
>- <em>

Ezra tossed his keys onto the coffee table in his apartment as he pulled on the buttons of his vest. He nearly jumped at the sight of someone sitting on his couch.

"What the fuck?"

Jackie turned around and looked up at him. "I've been waiting _hours_ for you."

Ezra shook his head, narrowing his eyes at her. "What are you doing in my apartment, Jackie?"

She pushed up from her spot on his couch and handed him a cup of coffee. "I was returning a key and some other things. I was cleaning out boxes."

Ezra shook his head at her. "How do _you_ have a key to my apartment?"

Jackie sighed. "I don't. I tried to get your best friend to give you back this stuff, but he threw his key at me and told me to do it myself." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a key ring. One key hung from it.

Ezra reached out to grab it, but at the last second, Jackie pulled her arm back. Ezra huffed and clenched his aw. "What do you want, Jackie?"

She dropped her hand, keeping it fisted around the key. "Why are you so pissed at Hardy? You've never treated him like you have been lately." "People stop being friends," Ezra chided. "Shit happens. Why the hell does it matter?" "Because!" Jackie argued. "You're a lot of things, Ezra, but you've NEVER been the kind of person who would be cold to your friends. I know you better than to think that you would suddenly decide to make your best friend hate you without some reason why." "You don't know me at all, Jackie." He simpered. "Hell, you were the one who tried to take all the good things in my life away from me!"

Jackie shook her head at him. "I admit that there were things I did a few months ago that were wrong, but that doesn't change what's going on now. Have you ever really even faced-"

"My life isn't any of your business," Ezra said.

"Ezra! You know that telling me things like that isn't going to make me go away."

He laughed cynically and turned towards his kitchen. He walked over to it and settled the cup of coffee on the counter. "Why the hell can't you ever just leave me alone?"

Jackie crossed her right arm across her body and took a drink from her own cup of coffee that she'd bought with her. "You know, you're really not getting across what you want to. You wanna try screaming at me again?"

Ezra glared up at her. Jackie shuddered as he slapped his hand across the counter. A glass went flying off of it and continued shooting through the air until it hit the opposite wall and shattered. It fell to the floor in pieces.

"Are you gone yet," he growled. "Cause you're really starting to piss me off."

Jackie glared back at him. "Bullshit, Ezra. You're already pissed. And I get that it has something to do with last year, but I don't understand why."

He laughed again, waving his hands in the air as he pushed stuff around on his counter. "Why can't you people just stay out of my life?"

"Who is _you people_?" Jackie asked.

Ezra groaned and thrust his broken wrist in the direction of the door. "Get. Out."

"Professor Montgomery knows?" Jackie asked. "Is that it? Does Aria know too?"

Ezra dug his fingers into his hair, digging his nails into his scalp. The anger alone from how he was feeling was building up too much for him to even know what to do with himself. He hated feeling that way. The last time he had felt this angry, he'd punched a wall. The time before that, he'd put scars on his wrists.

He turned around and sunk down onto the floor, forcing deep breaths in and out in attempt to get a handle on his anger.

Jackie walked over to him, her boots click-clacking on the floor as she walked around the counter. She knelt down a few feet away from him.

"Ezra, no one wants to hurt you. We're all worried about you. Even Hardy."

Ezra shook his head. His diaphragm spasmed twice as tears glistened in his eyes. He rested his head back against the cabinet behind him as he pulled on the tape keeping his broken knuckles straight. He looked over at her.

"Aria doesn't know anything. At least, as far as anything I've said." He looked over at her as tears started to fall down his face. "I don't know if her parents have said anything to her. Her dad went through the papers from last year, and figured it out. Or, her mom figured it out- I don't know. I don't understand why all of this happened. What did _**I **_do?"

Jackie frowned. She moved towards him and wrapped an arm around him, resting her other arm on his forearm.

"You didn't do anything, Ezra. Sometimes things happen to people that shouldn't."

He looked her in the eyes. "Nothing has _ever_ happened in my life before that I didn't deserve." "Bull," Jackie argued. She rested her hand on the base of his neck, making him look at her. "You didn't make your mom get cancer when you were fifteen. You didn't make your brother decide to skip out on med school. You didn't-" "Alright," Ezra said. He strained to speak past the knot in his throat. "I get it." "Maybe so," she agreed. "But getting it is different than accepting it. What brought all of his back up again, anyway? I mean I knew you never really dealt with it, but generally when you stuff these things down, they don't just come back up on their own."

"And what do you know about it?" Jackie laughed. "Really, Ezra? I **teach** psychology. I know these things."

"Really?" He laughed. "I thought you taught it because it was an easy subject. No proper answer and all." "Hey! Jackie chuckled. Her smile dropped a moment later. "Seriously, though. What's got all of this started up again? If I know anything about you, its that you are a mastermind at shoving things around in your life when you don't want to deal with them."

Ezra shook his head, looking at her. "It's not my place…"

"Ezra," Jackie said his name softly, trying to coax him to tell her. "Something is _tearing_ you apart. I can see it."

Ezra rested his arms on his knees and dropped his chin over them. "Aria was raped last week."

Jackie gaped at him. "_What_?"

Ezra looked over at her. "I shouldn't even be telling you this. Its not my information to share."

"Have you told Aria about anything that happened last year?"

Ezra shook his head. "I never told her about any of that. There were already so many issues when we met each other. I always thought I would, when the time seemed right. Funny how the time never falls into place _before_ things happen."

He looked over at Jackie. "You _realize_ this is my fault, right? What happened to her is my fault. If I hadn't-" "No!" Jackie insisted. "It is _not_ your fault. You couldn't have prevented what happened to her."

"I should've been able to though," Ezra strained.

Jackie shook her head, rubbing her hand down the back of his head. "Ezra, you can't think like that. You couldn't have known that was going to happen." Ezra closed his eyes and shook his head, wrapping both of his hands around his head as he laid his head against his knees. Jackie couldn't stop the tears that fell from her own eyes as he began to cry hard and his sobs became audible.

_-  
>If I'm home, I'll be alone<br>__If I'm home, I'll be alone  
>- <em>

Ezra pushed the door to his office open, taking a long drink from his piping hot coffee as he did. He looked like absolute shit. He had circles under his eyes, he hadn't spent much time on his hair, and his clothes were less than stellar. There were wrinkles in his shirt. He'd opted for jeans instead of dress pants. He just looked rugged all around.

He walked over to his desk and settled his back next to it, placing the coffee down on the desk. He sunk down into his chair and draped his arms out in front of him before resting his head down on the desk. He was fucking exhausted.

He'd barely slept the night before. It seemed like every time he got to sleep, he was waking up screaming and sweating. If he wasn't dreaming about the past, he was dreaming about things that could happen in the future. If it wasn't that, he was dreaming about Aria being raped. No matter what he did, he couldn't escape it.

Even as he closed his eyes, the visions of what he had dreamt about the night before plagued his mind. There was just no getting around it.

A knock on his door forced him to look up. It was Byron.

"What's up?" He asked wearily. He rubbed a hand over his face and realized that he hadn't shaved that morning. He had stubble growing. Ezra picked up his cup of coffee and took a drink from it. It was still piping hot.

"I was just coming by to see if you were okay, but I can gather that answer for myself. What are you doing here? You look like you haven't slept in days." Ezra settled his coffee back on his desk and pressed his lips together. "Sleep implies the body wanting to shut down and rest, which mine does not."

"Maybe you should take the day," Byron told him. "You look like hell."

"I have students," Ezra said.

Byron shook his head. "Leave your lesson plan. I'll make sure they get it." Ezra shook his head. "So what, I can go home and not sleep some more?"

Byron stared sadly at the younger man. He honestly didn't know what to do for him. He cared about Ezra like a second son, but he truly didn't know what to say to help him. He didn't even know what to do to help Aria.

"Lets just go," he said after a minute. "Get off campus, we can go anywhere. You need a day away."

Ezra stared at him skeptically for a moment. If he wanted to say no, the yawn that pushed its way through his chest and out of his mouth defied him. Once he'd let it out, he finally nodded. "Okay."

He pushed up from his desk and grabbed his bag. He scribbled a note out and then placed a piece of tape on the top of the sheet before grabbing his coffee. He hit the lights on the way to the door and then followed Byron out of the room. As he pushed the door shut, he pressed the tape against the window of the door, alerting his students he wasn't in.

He followed Byron out of the building, opting to follow the older man to his car. He wasn't really in the position to be driving anyway. His eyes were barely focusing straight as it was.

Ezra tossed his bag into the backseat of the car and then pulled on his shoulder belt before leaning back against the seat.

Byron started the car and pulled out of the parking lot a few moments later. He flipped through the radio stations until he found something that they both could agree on before simply just giving his attention over to the open road. He had no spot set in mind, and no plan of action. Whether Ezra talked, or didn't talk at all, it was about getting away from everything.

After about twenty or so minutes, he looked over to ask if Ezra minded stopping by the Montgomery home for a few moments. He closed his mouth before the words even came out. Ezra was fast asleep in the seat next to him.


	4. Just Close Your Eyes, The Sun Is Going

**A/N:** **M rated, detailed flashbacks ahead.**

_Chapter 4_

_Just Close Your Eyes, The Sun Is Going Down_

Aria tiptoed through the sitting room of the Montgomery home. Ella waved her through to the kitchen quietly. She crossed past the couch and walked into the kitchen. She settled an empty glass on the counter and then opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water from it.

She cracked the cap and then took it off, pouring the water into the glass.

"Why is Ezra asleep on the couch?" Aria whispered.

Ella flipped a teachers book shut on the kitchen table. "Your father figured he needed a day from work. Said he looked like crap when he went by Ezra's office."

"And?"

"He fell asleep in the car," Ella said.

Aria looked over towards the sitting room. Even though she couldn't see Ezra, it occurred to her that maybe what was happening to her could be affecting him too. She hadn't really considered that before; at least not really. She had only assumed that he must've thought she was damaged now because of how distant he had been.

Aria looked back towards her mom. "Well, I- ah, I finished that paper. Edited it and everything."

"Aria-" Aria whipped her head around. Byron walked in from the back door, carrying a stack of books.

"Shh," Ella whispered. "He's still asleep."

Byron settled the stack on the counter. "That's good. I'm surprised he made it this far. He must've been running on caffeine and willpower." Aria ignored the rest of her parents conversation. She grabbed her glass off the counter and walked back through the kitchen. She walked past the couch, and then turned and looked at Ezra. She watched him for a minute as he shifted, pulling on the blanket that Ella must've placed over him after Byron had coaxed him into the house.

He was wearing the green shirt she'd seen him in the day she had told him that Jackie had threatened her. That same she'd seen him after not being able to for a month.

She exhaled a long, quiet breath and walked over to where he was. She knelt down next to the couch and brushed her fingers gently through his hair. It was an utter mess. As she sat there next to him, she saw the things that she hadn't. Things her parents had seen. The dark circles under his eyes. The stubble on his chin that she almost never saw, unless it was because she had woken him up on an early morning.

She moved her hand down to his right hand. She could see where she'd written lyrics on the inside of his wrist. The same ones she'd written about him when her parents wouldn't let them see each other. She brushed her fingers over his taped knuckles. He had done this because of her.

"Aria."

She looked up. Her father was standing a few feet away.

"Lets try not to wake him," Byron said softly. Aria nodded and pushed up from her spot on the floor. If she was keeping him up at night, then she didn't want to be the one who woke him up. She walked through the house to the stairs, and climbed them up to her bedroom.

Moments after her door clicked shut on the second floor, Ezra rolled over on the couch and began to murmur incoherently. Over the next few moments though, several words became more clear. Byron and Ella exchanged glances.

"_No." "Stop." "Leave me alone." _

Ella shook her head and walked past Byron, into the sitting room. She leaned over the side of the couch and brushed her hand on the inside of Ezra's left arm.

"Shh, it's just a dream." She continued the motions and repeated the phrase a few times, until Ezra settled.

"What are we going to do about Aria going back to school?" Byron asked a few minutes later. Ella was stuffing her teaching books into a bag. "She's barely been there at all these last two weeks."

"The school year is over in less than a month," Ella said. "As long as she stays up on her homework and her grades don't slip, I don't see why she can't keep going as she feels comfortable. Lets just get her through the end of the year, and then she'll have the summer. Hopefully by the time September comes, she'll be in a different mindset."

Byron stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Aria isn't Ezra, Ella. And for arguments sake, I think the only reason Ezra seemed as put together as he did these last few months was **because** of Aria. I highly doubt that something is suddenly shake her loose and make her suddenly feel differently."

"No," Ella said. "But there's no reason why that boy shouldn't end up in jail." "_If_ Aria agrees to go to trial. Do you really think that's fair of us to do that to her? To ask her to face this kid on a stand? A jury?"

Ella gaped at Byron, leaning against the kitchen table. "You really would rather see this boy **get away** with what he's done."

"No!" Byron said firmly. "But is it really fair to do that to Aria?" Ella picked up her books off the table. "I think what is _fair_ is to let Aria decide what she wants to do. She's been forced to do enough lately."

She looked down at the time on her watch. "Mike is going to be done at school in a few minutes. Why don't we go get him and grab some dinner. I think Aria and Ezra need to talk."

Byron looked over his shoulder at Ezra sleeping on the couch. "Alright."

_-  
>And it never fails<br>__The sun comes up, the story dies  
>- <em>

Aria looked over at Ezra as her fingers rested on the keys of her laptop. Her parents had been gone for more than an hour, and in that time, she'd been surfing the internet. She was trying to find anything to pass the time, but kept finding herself back on support forums, reading what other people were saying and talking about.

"Aria?"

Ezra's voice was soft and cracked. She could tell that he was still exhausted, even though he'd probably slept most of the day. She felt bad that she hadn't known he was there. She'd slept until 11 AM and then spent most of the early afternoon in her room.

She placed her laptop down on the coffee table and sat forward on the chair. She rested one arm across her knees and rested her chin in the palm of her opposite hand.

"Sleep okay?" She asked.

Ezra groaned as he pushed himself up into a seated position. "I guess. What time is it?"

Aria looked up at the clock as he brushed a hand through his hair.

"Four thirty."

"What?" Ezra gaped. "I slept all day?"

Aria nodded. "And apparently you needed it. My dad said you fell asleep in his car."

Ezra shook his head, dropping it into his hands. "'m sorry."

He waited a few moments and then looked up at her. "How was school?"

32Aria shrugged. She pulled her legs up onto the chair with her and wrapped her arms around them. "I didn't go. I did all my school work from home today."

Ezra furrowed his brow at her. "Are your parents okay with that?"

Aria shrugged. "They don't seem to care. Grady is out on bail."

Ezra's jaw line tightened. "He's the guy-"

"Yeah," Aria replied quickly. "So, what's going on? My parents said you looked like you hadn't slept in days when they saw you."

Ezra nodded slowly. "That's true."

Aria brushed her hands down on her legs and moved them to the floor. She stood up and walked over to him. She was dressed lazily in a pair of bright pink sweat pants and a black hoodie. She sat down next to him.

"I know things have been weird for us lately, but I wish you had told me that this - what happened to me - was affecting you. It _is_ affecting you, right? That's what all of this is?"

Ezra nodded slowly, looking over at her. "That. And more."

"Like what?" Aria asked.

Ezra stared at her for a long moment. He considered telling her, but if she wasn't even going to school, then the idea of putting his own issues on her didn't feel right. Regardless of how it was affecting him, she didn't deserve to have more on her plate than she was already dealing with.

"I'm not ready to talk about it," he said softly. "But when I am, I'll let you know. Besides, that doesn't matter right now." He moved his hand down onto her knee. "You-"

Aria shook her head, pushing his hand off her leg. "I'm so _sick_ of people asking me how I am. Why can't everyone just drop it and let me feel it for once?"

"Okay," Ezra said quickly, nodding. He knew what it was like for people to be constantly asking if he was okay, and just wishing that they would stop. "But I'm here if you need to talk."

Aria pushed up from the couch and walked across the room. She turned around and looked back at him. "Why, Ezra? Every time you and I are around each other, it seems like the last thing you want to do is talk. It's like you're always just _about_ to say something, and then you stop."

"Does that bug you?" He asked.

"It more than bugs me. It feels like you're always just about to tell me…" She shook her head. She turned around and looked up at the pictures on the wall.

Ezra stood, but he didn't move towards her. "About to tell you what?"

Aria huffed. She spun around to face him. "Like you're about to break up with me."

Ezra's jaw dropped. "Aria, that's not it _at all_."

"Then why are you acting this way? Why can't you just tell me whatever it is that's bugging you?"

He shook his head, tucking his hands into his pockets. "It's not important right now."

"Really?" She argued. "Because it doesn't seem that way, when you always seem just about ready to say something, and then you don't."

"I just don't feel like it's the right time to say anything," he said honestly. He walked over to her and took both of her hands in his. "I swear that it's not you."

"Then why can't you just tell me? We've never had a judging relationship."

Ezra looked back and forth between her eyes, wishing he could figure out how to tell her about everything. A part of him desperately wanted to tell her, just so that he wouldn't have to keep up with telling her nothing and beating around the bush. Even so, it didn't feel right to him. He didn't feel okay with pouring all of his burdens on to her, at the hardest time in her life.

"I know we don't. And I can't explain to you why this is the way it is right now. I just need you to understand that I'm not ready to tell you these things, but that I will."

Aria pulled her hands from his and waved her hands at him. "How is that fair, Ezra? I've always told you everything."

"Really?" He countered. "What about 'A'?"

"That's not fair," Aria argued. "'A' knew things about _everyone_. Wanted to **hurt** everyone!"

She turned to walk to the kitchen. Ezra grabbed her arm.

"Aria, please."

She looked up at him. Ezra had tears in his eyes.

"I'm not asking you to not be upset with me. I'm asking you to just give it time."

Aria shook her head, biting her tongue as she reached up to wipe away one of the tears on his face. "I can see that something is affecting you, and I don't like it. I don't like that you won't tell me what it is, either."

"I promise I _will_," he said. "Just not now. I need to figure some things out first. But I promise it's not you."

Aria took a long breath and then nodded. "Just stop making me feel like you're lying to me."

"I will," he said softly. He looked down at his watch. "I gotta get home. Will you come with me?"

Aria smiled solemnly. "Your car is at Hollis, remember? I'll take you over there and then follow you back to your apartment. Just let me leave a note for my parents."

_-  
>Every breath you take<br>__Every move you make  
>- <em>

Aria flipped through a magazine as she laid on Ezra's couch. He was standing next to his bed, digging through a mess of clothes on top of it.

"Have you thought about the fact that maybe you haven't slept well because there are clothes are all over your bed?" She asked.

Ezra laughed. He picked up a black long-sleeved shirt and stood up straight. "My bed got like this at four o'clock this morning when I couldn't get to sleep. I figured…Actually, I don't know what I figured. I just thought that doing something physical might help more than laying in bed and letting my head keep going. Mostly it just made me more exhausted."

He pulled the shirt over his head and then snatched a pair of jeans off the bed a moment later. He pulled them on and then buttoned and zipped them. He walked over to the couch and sat down, moving Aria's legs into his lap. She sat up and looked at him.

"So what's keeping you up?"

He tilted his head at her. "Aria…"

"Sorry," she sighed. "I'm just worried about you."

Ezra brushed her hair out of her face. "Well you don't need to be. Now, I haven't had _anything_ to eat in like two days, and I'm craving chow mein. Does that interest you?"

Aria nodded. "I could go for some orange chicken."

"Great."

Aria pulled her legs back and Ezra got up. He walked across the room and picked up a menu off the desk. "I'm going to put in a call."

Aria nodded. Ezra stepped out of the apartment while she continued to flip through the magazine. It was a tabloid, although nothing was sparking her interest. She supposed it was because she'd spent too much time lately surfing the internet and watching E!.

Ezra walked back in a few moments later. "Thirty minutes." He said.

He walked over to his desk and settled his cell phone on top of it before sitting down in the chair and turning to face it. It was quiet for a few minutes as he worked on things from Hollis, and Aria continued to flip through the magazine. After she grew bored with it, she tossed the magazine onto the table.

"Hey." Ezra turned in his chair and looked over at her. "Yeah?"

"How's your wrist?" She asked. "I know it's kind of my fault that you-"

Ezra shook his head, narrowing his eyes at her. "It is _not_ your fault that I broke my wrist. I like to blame the doorframe in your living room. And, well Hardy."

Aria laughed softly. "What did Hardy have to do with anything?"

"He knocked my hand," Ezra said in a dismissive manner. He turned back to his desk.

"So, are you and Hardy not talking? O-Or are you not friends anymore?"

Ezra shook his head, turning around to look at her. He tossed his pen onto his desk. "We're just not on good terms at the moment. We had a disagreement, and he's meddling in things he doesn't belong in."

Aria exhaled a long breath and leaned back against the couch with a huff. It irritated her knowing that there was something he was keeping from her.

She got up from her spot and walked over to his stacks of books next to the doors that led out to the balcony. She lifted one off the top of a stack and looked at it for a moment.

"You read Charles Dickens?" She asked.

Ezra looked over at her for a moment before turning back to his work. "I did in college." Aria flipped the book open. A piece of newspaper was lying inside of it as a marker, but it was only part of an article. "What's this?"

Ezra looked up at her, and his eyes grew wide. Before she could turn it over, he walked over to her and snatched the paper out of her hands. He turned it over. It was the one and only news article he'd written for the Hollis paper on the campus rapist. His jaw tightened. He crumpled the paper in his hand.

"It was just something I used as a marker when I didn't have anything else."

"It's cut out," Aria countered.

Ezra shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it right now."

Aria looked up at him. "I don't like this, Ezra. I don't like knowing there's this part of your life that you won't share with me."

"I know," he said softly. "I just need time to figure it all out."

His answering machine clicked over.

"Why didn't your phone ring?" Aria asked.

"I turned it to silent last night. I thought maybe if I didn't hear it ring then I'd sleep better."

Aria furrowed her brow, tilting her head to the side as the voicemail kicked in.

"_Hey, Z.I know normally I'd never call you at home, but I was wondering if you still had that book I got you when we were in Italy. It's okay if you don't. I just-…Damn, this sounded so much better in my head. I hope you're okay. After last night, I didn't really feel any better leaving you. Please, just call me back, so we can talk. I'm worried. I don't want things to happen that you're not ready for." _

Aria looked up at Ezra. "You and Jackie?"

He shook his head at her. "Aria, no. It's not like that at all. We're not-"

She slapped him. "You're sleeping with Jackie! I can't believe I didn't figure it out before now!" She walked past him, but Ezra grabbed her arm.

"Aria, don't go. I can explain-"

She shoved him away from her, shaking her head widly. "Not ready to talk about it? Don't want to burden me? Sure, because it would definitely be a burden to tell me that you're **fucking** your ex-fiancée!"

"That's not-"

"I don't want to hear it!" She yelled at him. She grabbed her bag off the table. "Just leave me the hell alone!" She walked over to the door and walked out, slamming it behind her.

"Aria!" Ezra stared at the door angrily. He looked down at the balled piece of paper in his hand.

_His body felt exhausted. He was normally a heavy sleeper, and rarely woke in the middle of the night, so he didn't quite understand why he was awake. _

_He moved to rub his eyes, only to find that his right hand was restrained. He pulled on it, but the rope only dug into his skin. He repeated the same motion with his left arm, and got the same result. _

_Hands began to roam his back under his t-shirt. He jumped and whipped his head back and forth, trying to see who was behind him. All at once he could feel a body hovering over his. From his peripheral vision, he could see what looked liked a ski mask. _

"_You've only got yourself to blame for this." _

_It suddenly phased Ezra that he didn't have any pajama pants or boxers, which only served to terrify him more. _

_He didn't understand why this was happening. He followed all the rules the campus had asked for. He stayed in his dorm at night, he traveled with a friend outside of his dorm room, and he didn't try to cause any trouble for the investigation. He printed their story on the front page, just like they had asked. _

_He could feel movement behind him, and then felt something obtrusive brushing between his thighs. _

"_Please, I-I don't- d-don't know. What-What'd I do?" _

_He squirmed hard against his restraints trying to get free. He knew what was about to happen, and yet there was a determination too strong inside of him to do anything to keep it from happening. He could feel the man adjusting himself just behind him, and then start to push himself down on top of Ezra. _

_He yanked harder on his wrists, but the ropes only dug harder into his wrist, making them burn. He could feel his body stretching against the intrusion, trying to accommodate the invasion, but the pain alone was enough to make him scream. Not three seconds later, a large hand clamped down over his mouth. _

"God damnit!"

Ezra shook his head as he came out of the flashback. He picked up the book Aria had been looking at, and threw it across the room. It fell to the floor, anticlimactically.

_-  
>All these stars around,<br>__Let them shine on down  
><em>_Shine all over you  
>- <em>

Ezra looked over at the door to his apartment. He'd been staring down the bag of takeout since it had been delivered nearly three hours earlier. He didn't know if he was more pissed that Aria thought he was sleeping with Jackie, or that she'd left him. A knock had knocked him off of his thought process.

"Door's open."

He pushed up from his spot where he was sitting on the coffee table as the door opened. Byron walked into the apartment and closed the door behind him.

"What do you want now?" Ezra said snidely.

Byron walked into the apartment. "Are you drinking?"

Ezra rolled his eyes. "I haven't touched anything. At all."

Byron nodded. He looked around the apartment. "Well my daughter is telling a very interesting story. She seems pretty upset too."

Ezra groaned. "I didn't sleep with Jackie!" He walked over to the kitchen and picked up the bag of food. Not even bothering to open it, he opened the fridge and settled the bag inside. He grabbed beer and popped the top off before taking a drink out of it.

"Jackie left a message because she showed up here last night with some of my things she still had. She was here because she knows about everything that happened last year. I was upset, and whether I like it or not, the woman still sometimes knows me better than I know myself. She stayed because I was upset."

"So you're not sleeping with your ex?"

Ezra shook his head, feeling a knot rise up in his throat. "No. I hate telling her anything that has to do with my life, but Jackie was there last March. She read the papers, she saw the other students… She didn't even believe that it had happened to me until she met another guy a few months later who had a similar story. When I got home last night, she was here, and I was pissed. You and Ella keep asking questions that I'm not ready to answer. It's like I told Aria. I'm not ready to talk. I don't want to."

"Isn't that a little hypocritical?" Byron asked. "You're telling Aria to be open and talk about how she feels and what she's been through, and you won't say a word. Every little thing that we've all found out has been drug out of you or found by other means."

"I don't _want_ Aria to know about those things," Ezra insisted. "I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to deal with it, I just want it it all to go away."

"I'd think you, of all people, would know it doesn't work that way," Byron said. "You can't bury this and expect it to go away."

"Why not?" Ezra countered. "I did it before."

Byron nodded. "You're right. You did. But clearly that wasn't the right way to go about things, because it came back up. And I know that you'd love more than anything to bury it again, but I don't think that's going to happen. I think maybe it's time to take some of your own advice and face what's going on."

Ezra shook his head slowly, closing his eyes. "You have no idea what you're asking me to do."

"Maybe not, but-"

Ezra looked up at Byron. "The last time I tried to go down that road, it almost cost me **everything**."

"You're not alone this time," Byron replied. "And I know my daughter well enough to know that she won't judge you for this."

_-  
>Come morning light<br>__You and I'll be safe and sound  
>= <em>

"What did I do, mom? Why would he do this to me?"

Ella shook her head as she sat next to Aria on her daughter's bed. "Sweetie, I don't think you did _anything_. Are you **absolutely sure** that Ezra has been with his ex?" Aria whipped around her bed, pushing herself up so that she was at eye-level with her mother.

"Why else would he do this? Why else could she have possibly been at his apartment last night? He says they're not friends, and he hasn't kissed **me** in forever!" Ella nodded, but she still had doubts. It was one of the reasons she'd sent Byron to Ezra's apartment. The likelihood of him suddenly deciding to go back to Jackie just didn't fit right with everything they had learned in the last few days.

"_If _he did, then…I don't know. The mother in me says that he doesn't deserve a second chance, but the wife in me says that if he matters enough to you, that you'll find a way to make it work."

Aria shook her head. Her bottom lip trembled as several tears fell down her face. "How can I forgive him for this? He knows about everything that's happened lately. I mean, I thought we were doing well. We were out in the open, you and dad seemed to finally accept everything, and now…"

Ella hugged Aria, rubbing her hand up and down Aria's back. "I think you just need to sleep on it, sweetie. I know you're upset, but maybe you just need to give it time. Just try and get some sleep."

Aria whimpered, but she pulled her blankets up around her and closed her eyes anyway. Ella moved off the bed and walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind her. She walked down the hall to her and Byron's room. He was removing his jacket.

"How'd it go?" She asked.

Byron turned around and looked at her as he tossed his coat onto a desk chair. "Pretty much like I thought it would. Ezra's not sleeping with his ex."

Ella pushed their bedroom door shut. She leaned against it. "And you're absolutely sure about that? Because I know we've come around on Ezra and Aria's relationship, but I won't sing the good graces of a lying man to my daughter."

Byron shook his head, pulling the tie around his neck loose. "Ella if you could've seen him tonight. It scares me, how much he's keeping buried inside. I can tell that this is screwing with his head in the worst ways. It scares me that he won't tell anybody. I'm afraid he's going to hurt himself."

"What about his family?" Ella asked. "I thought you were going to ask his friend, Hardy? About getting in touch with his parents."

Byron shrugged. "Ezra and Hardy are _not_ on speaking terms. I'm not quite sure what exactly happened, but Ezra said something to upset him. All Hardy would say was that he would do what he could to get in touch with Ezra's mother. He also told me he couldn't make any promises. He seemed pretty worried, though. It surprised me, actually."

"Aria said he hasn't kissed her in a long time," Ella said. She wasn't quite sure what she expected that statement to mean though. It was just what was running through her head at the moment.

"It doesn't surprise me," Byron replied. "I think the only reason he let us get him into the house today was because he was half-asleep and too exhausted to fight. Ezra really doesn't seem like he wants anything to do with physicality of any kind at the moment."

"Then he needs to tell Aria," Ella said. She was firm with the idea. "If he doesn't, this is going to implode right in front of them."


	5. I'm Scared And I'm Alone

**A/N: **Sorry for taking so long to update! I'll try and not take so long next time!

_Chapter 5_

_I'm Scared, And I'm Alone_

Aria stared at the high school from her spot in her car. Part of her wanted to go inside and just go to class like a normal person. The other half of her just wanted to go back home and crawl under her blankets. Even so, it was Wednesday, and she hadn't been to school yet this week.

Ella grabbed her bags from the backseat and looked up at Aria. "You can stay, or you can go back home, but you've got to make a choice. You don't even have to stay the whole day. Your father and I just think it would be good to spend some time around your friends."

"Half the school thinks I'm lying," Aria replied. There were tears in her eyes as she looked over her shoulder at her mom.

"Don't listen to what the other kids say," Ella told her. "Spencer, Hanna, Emily…They'll all be here for you. Just let your friends be here for you. I promise that if at lunch, you want to leave, then you can go home."

"What about Grady?" Aria asked.

"You'll have an escort to each of your classes, so if he tries to do anything, you won't have to worry about it." Ella stood up straight and opened the drivers side door to see Aria. "Your friends want you here. They ask every day if you're going to be here."

"Mrs. Montgomery!"

Ella turned and looked over her shoulder. "Spencer's here."

"_Is Aria here today?" _

Aria exhaled a long sigh and wiped away one of the tears on her face with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. She wasn't dressed like she normally did. She had on a pair of blue carebear "Grumpy" sweatpants, a white and grey striped long-sleeved shirt and a thin black Roxy sweatshirt to top it all off.

She pushed her door open and then grabbed her bag from the floor of the car before swinging it over her shoulder. She walked over to Spencer with her arms crossed again. Spencer wrapped her arm around Aria and squeezed her arm comfortingly. They walked towards the school wordlessly, bumping into Hanna and Caleb as they reached the front steps.

"Nice outfit," Hanna said with a surprising tone. "Comfy?"

Aria glared at her. "Yeah. I am."

"What happened to you last night?" Emily asked as she walked up to them. Her attention was on Aria. "You were supposed to come meet me at the library."

Aria shrugged, wrapping her arms even tighter around herself as they approached the doors. "I had a fight with Ezra. I went home instead. I'm sorry."

"You guys fought?" Spencer asked sadly. "What about?"

Aria gripped one of the doors to the building. She looked over her shoulder at Spencer briefly. "About him sleeping with his ex-girlfriend."

Spencer and Hanna gaped at Aria as they walked in the school behind her. Of all the conversations, thoughts, and other things that related to Ezra Fitz in their minds, cheating on Aria was never something they had thought he would do.

"Seriously?" Hanna asked. Her voice was high-pitched.

Aria glared at her as she turned around. "Yes, seriously. Do you mind not telling the entire _school_?"

Hanna shrugged, taking on a calmer demeanor. "Sorry."

Aria sighed, shaking her head. She had a lot of built up emotions from being raped and from her struggling relationship with Ezra. She hadn't meant to take out her anger on her friends.

"No, I am. I'm just…This is all too much for me to handle right now."

Hanna and Spencer each looped an arm in one of Aria's.

"Well you've got us _all day_," Spencer said. "We're here for you, no matter what."

Aria looked up at her. Tears were in her eyes again. "I wish that made me feel better. I don't understand any of this crap. I don't understand why I did to make him got back to _Jackie_of all people. And…"

Her voice trailed off as she spotted Grady across the hallway about ten feet down the hall. He laughing and talking with Noel and Sean, among other people. Her stomach churned as she watched him laugh.

She'd known Grady Murphy since middle school when his family had moved to town. Once upon a time in middle school, they had even kind of been friends. They ran within the same crowd of friends.

Aria had always knew he had a thing for her but she had always also thought that he knew well enough to not cross the line between knowing with something was consensual or not. He had proved her wrong _that_ night.

"Hey," Spencer said, stepping in front of Aria's line of vision. "Don't pay attention to him. You know that's what he wants. He wants to get inside your head and screw with you."

"I hate him," Aria said softly. "I wish he'd drop dead."

Both Hanna and Spencer hugged her. Aria was grateful for it.

_-  
>I know you never meant to make me feel this way<br>__This cant be happening  
>- <em>

"So _damn_ tired," Ezra muttered to himself as he laid back on his couch. He had two hours before his next class and he was desperately in need of a nap. He had slept the night before at least by other people's accounts. It wasn't really what he counted as sleep, though. He'd tossed and turned most of the night, and woke up screaming and covered in sweat. He did that a lot now.

He draped his arm over his eyes and crossed his legs as his feet dangled on the edge of the other end of the couch. As he laid there, he didn't actually fall asleep, but it was still refreshing to just rest his eyes.

At some point though, he must have fallen asleep, because before he knew it, he was being shaken awake. He groaned as he opened his eyes and squinted somewhat. Jackie was sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

"You okay?" She asked.

Ezra yawned as he pushed himself up on his couch. "I'm not sleeping, so why don't you reconsider that question."

Jackie frowned. "Because of your stuff, or because of your girlfriends?" She offered him a cup of coffee as she took a drink from one in her other hand. Ezra took it gratefully. Coffee was all that was keeping him alive these days.

"Both," he murmured, bringing the cup to his lips. He took a long drink, thankful for the heat sliding down his throat. "Although, now she's 99 percent positive that I'm fucking you."

Jackie furrowed her brow. "How could she possibly think that? You look like hell, Z."

Ezra shook his head, looking down at the cup of coffee as he held it in his hands. "I don't know. She overheard the message you left on my answering machine yesterday, and I guess she read into it differently than she should have. She didn't even give me a chance to explain."

"I _am_ capable of being a friend, you know," Jackie said to him.

Ezra looked up at her. "Maybe so, but it became really hard to trust you when you told Aria to break up with me."

"Well have you told her about everything that happened to you?" Jackie asked.

Ezra just shook his head. "I can't. She doesn't need that-"

"Ezra!" Jackie shouted his name in a scolding manner. "You _can't _keep this from her! Especially if you want to **keep**her as your girlfriend! I mean, you said her parents know, right?"

Ezra nodded, keeping his eyes on the floor. "Not because I wanted them to…"

"Then you can't tell me that Professor Montgomery hasn't told you the same things I am. You can't keep this from her, Z. And if you don't tell her soon, then I've got half a mind to do it myself."

Ezra shook his head at her, clenching his jaw at her comment. Logically, he knew that Jackie wasn't so likely as to do something like that. She was a firm believer in everything she had both learnt and taught in psychology. She knew very well that forcing a rape victim to talk about what they had been through before they were ready could have cataclysmic effects. Even so, he also knew that when she was determined, she could stick things to a person.

"I just need _time_," he told her firmly. "I'm not ready for her to know. I'll tell her soon."

Jackie opened her mouth to say something back but she was cut off as the door to Ezra's office opened again. They both looked up to see Byron standing there. The look on his face was grim.

"You need to sooner than soon," Byron told him. "You're very close to the verge of losing Aria, and for as much as my family has accepted you into it, I'd hate to see you two crash and burn over this after all you've done to stay together."

Ezra couldn't find the words to reply to the older man as they stared each other down. He knew that if anyone knew how shaky the stability of his relationship with Aria was, it was her parents. And the idea of losing Aria was terrifying to him.

_-  
>Your words in my memory<br>__Are like music to me  
>- <em>

Aria prided herself in the fact that she made it through the entire day of school. It hadn't been without tears and an almost total breakdown, but she managed. As Hanna and Spencer had promised, one or both of them accompanied her in the halls from class to class, along with a teacher escort. She got plenty of catcalls, but that was something that had become the norm ever since her rape had become public knowledge.

It wasn't that she had wanted it to. In fact, it had been the very opposite. However, there was very little she could do to keep Grady from telling other people. That probably would have required actually speaking to him, and that was the _last_ thing Aria wanted to do. In fact, she was sickened each time he passed her in the halls and made sexually harassing gestures and comments.

Regardless, she had forced herself to stick it out and make it through the school day, even when she fell apart at lunch in her mother's classroom after being shoved into a locker repeatedly by a group of girls in her grade who were friends with Grady, and repeatedly called a whore. She had bruises on her left arm, hip, and shoulder from the shoving fest, and in return, her fellow classmates had earned detention. Aria hardly considered herself proud for getting other students in trouble, but if they were going to fight, then she was going to fight back.

She found herself walking across Hollis campus with her arms tucked tightly around her while she waited for her parents. Her mother had come up with the (less than) stellar idea, in Aria's opinion, to have stop by and visit Byron on campus, as he was having a late night. Aria didn't really want to be there because she knew Ezra was on campus as well today, however she hadn't been able to persuade her mother to take her home instead.

She walked down the hall by her father's office and turned the corner. Familiarly, he could hear Ezra chattering at someone in his office. It took her a moment to realize that it was Jackie. Curious, she leaned up against the wall outside the door and listened.

"_What's so bad about telling her, Z? I'd imagine if anything, she'd be pretty damn understanding to you, considering she knows how it feels-"  
><em>

Ezra cut her off. _"She doesn't deserve to have to deal with my crap, and that's the end of it, alright?" _

"_Right," _Jackie replied sarcastically. _"Because it's so much better to let the girl you love believe that you're sleeping with me instead. I'm sorry, but when did this turn into __**me**__ convincing __**you**__ that this relationship was right for you!" _

Aria became confused as she stood there. If what she was hearing was real, and they weren't just saying those things because they knew she was outside the door, then Ezra hadn't cheated on her. But more than that, he was keeping something from her that Jackie already knew. Which mean that it had either happened when they were friends, or that he had told Jackie before he told her.

"_I don't have the patience to keep arguing with you about this, and I'm running out of things to break," _Ezra said in a frustrated tone.

Aria heard Jackie sigh heavily.

"_Whatever, Z. For your sake, I hope her parents just tell her and get it over with already." _

Aria narrowed her eyes even more so in confusion at Jackie's final comment as she stood there. She shot up straight a moment later though, as the older woman walked out of Ezra's office. She and Jackie shared a brief glance.

"Get him to talk," was all Jackie said before she walked away.

Aria took a deep breath and then turned and walked into the room. Ezra immediately looked up at her. A wave of nerves washed over him. She couldn't have possibly _not_ heard him talking to Jackie.

"How much of that conversation did you here?"

"Enough to know you're not sleeping with her," Aria said guiltily.

Ezra nodded. His features softened, but at the same time, they firmed up. He was less nervous, but he was also frustrated that she hadn't given him the time of day the night before to explain.

"If you had let me explain last night, I would have told you she was there because she was returning things," Ezra told her. "That it was because Hardy and I aren't speaking right now, and when Jackie wanted to give some things back, he gave her his key."

Aria shook her head, looking down at the floor. "I know I dug right into you without really giving you a chance. I'm really sorry. I just don't know how to deal with all of these emotions."

"You **know** you can always come to me to talk," Ezra said to her.

Aria nodded. She walked over to his desk slowly and tentatively, and leaned against it as she came around it. Ezra leaned back in his chair.

"I just hate everything that's going on right now," she said. "I have to go to the doctor so that they can draw blood and make sure I'm not knocked up and I don't have any STDs."

Aria shook her head as tears filled up her eyes. "I hate this, Ezra. All of it."

He stood up and wrapped his arms around her, rubbing his left arm gently up and down her back. "It'll get better. I promise."

He felt horrible as soon as those words left his mouth. Even if he wanted to believe what he was telling her, he knew that coming from him, it was a lie. He was nowhere near over what he'd been put through. He hadn't even started facing it, even though he swore up and down to people that he had. It was his own private joke with himself about how he constantly told people he was over what he'd gone through the previous year, even though he just kept pushing it aside.

Aria let out a long sigh, breathing in the mixed scent of Ezra's cologne along with his own natural scent.

"I love you," she whispered softly as he kissed the top of her head. "I need you so much right now, and I feel _so _guilty because of it."

"I love you too," Ezra replied back just as softly. He brushed her hair out of her face as he lifted her face up to look at him. "And don't you _ever_ feel bad for needing someone. I'll let you in on a little secret. I need you too."

Aria nodded, smiling sadly up at him. "Right. Because of whatever it is that you're not ready to tell me, but that I already know about?"

"Pretty much," Ezra said softly. He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. "I'm sorry that it bugs you that I haven't told you." He shook his head, unable to stop the tears that filled his eyes. "I just don't know how to right now. I guess I'm hoping eventually the right words will come together."

"I don't like that you feel like there's a part of your life that you have to keep a secret from me," Aria said softly to him. "It scares me."

Ezra blinked, and turned his head away as the tears in his eyes began to fall.

"Can I just ask you one thing about it?" Aria asked.

Ezra nodded.

"How does Jackie know about it? I don't mean to come across as the jealous girlfriend-"

Ezra shook his head, moving his hand up to wipe the tears away from his face. "I get it. I don't think you're jealous, though. Jackie knows because she was there when it happened. It's one of the reasons we broke up."

Aria exhaled a sigh. She looked around the room absentmindedly. She was resigned to the fact that regardless of whether she asked repeatedly, beating around the bush of whatever Ezra was keeping from her, that he wasn't going to tell her. She hated it, but she didn't know what to do to change it, either.

Prince of nothing charming  
>-<p>

Thursday wasn't much better than Wednesday. The only real difference was Aria and Ezra's combined ability to get more than shitty nightmare-filled sleep the night before. He had fallen asleep next to her on her bed after they had spent the evening talking, and had decided to stay through the night when he woke up at 2 AM and realized they had fallen asleep.

Aria only attended half the school day, after another bully fest broke out and girls were shoving her around amongst each other and continuing to catcall her. They knocked her to the floor outside the commons just after lunch had started and caused her head to be split open. It wasn't bad enough for stitches, but she had bled quite a bit.

After she'd left with Ella, they headed over to the clinic, where her physician proceeded to ask her several dozen questions about how what she had been through had affected her, and then draw several vials of blood. Aria was left to sit and wait with Ella while they waited for the test results to come back.

Only slight comfort was brought as the test results came back negative on both counts. She was grateful to not have any STDs, but she was more grateful to not be pregnant. Stupid as it was, that was something she wanted with Ezra, five or ten years down the road. She couldn't imagine what she would have even done if the test **had** come back positive. As liberal as her family was, Aria didn't believe in abortion. She saw it as a terrible way out of an unfortunate situation, regardless of why. Even so, she had no idea how she ever would have managed to raise a baby conceived from rape.

She pushed her books aside on the kitchen table and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her chin on one of her knees. Her head was still throbbing from being knocked earlier in the day.

"C'mon, sweetie," Ella coaxed as she settled a bowl of potatoes on the table. "You've got to keep up on your homework."

"I hate school," Aria replied. "I hate being there. Every time I'm there, all I hear about is how much of a whore I am. How I should just slit my wrists and drop dead because of how hated I am."

Ella shook her head at Aria. "You can't let them get you down, Aria. Kids are viscious, but-"

"But ever since I let you and Dad convince me to tell the cops what happened the night of the party, I've become the most hated person in school. Do you know how hard it is to take that title away from someone who's dead?" Aria asked. "Alison owned that title for the last few years. And now I'm the one that everyone hates. **I'm** the one who everyone says should drop dead and disappear. Just for telling the truth."

Ella nodded sadly and settled another bowl of food down on the table. "Let's just try and get through the end of the year. If things don't get better or change, then when registration comes in August, we'll try and find something else. Even if it means commuting. I'm not telling you that you have to go to school every day, but you can't let this ruin your grade point average, Aria. I know you've worked too hard to have it all go down the tubes now. Now can you help me carry some of these out onto the back deck? It's nice enough to have dinner outside."

Aria pushed up from her seat glumly and walked over to where her mom was placing the bowls She picked up one of them and then walked over to the sliding doors and opened them. She walked out onto the deck and placed the bowl down before walking back into the house.

In the front of the house, Ezra and Byron were both parking their cars. Byron was pulled up further in the driveway so that Ezra wouldn't have to park on the street.

"You really ought to tell Aria today," Byron said as they walked towards the front door.

Ezra stopped in his tracks. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his khaki shorts. "Pressure, pressure, pressure. Are you _ever_going to let up on this?"

Byron nodded. "Right about the time you tell Aria the truth. Look, Mike is over at a friends house for dinner, and he won't be back till late. It'll give the four of us plenty of time to sit down and talk about all of this. And I guarantee you Aria isn't going to judge you for any of this."

Ezra sighed as Byron pushed the front door open. "I'll see what I can do. But I'm not making any promises."

Byron stared him down for a few moments. "I guess that's all I can ask for."

He turned and walked into the house, and Ezra followed a few feet behind him. Once inside, Ezra pushed the door shut behind him, and followed Byron into the kitchen, where Aria and Ella were finishing placing food into bowls and taking them out onto the deck. Ezra waved nonchalantly at them as he kept his other hand buried in his pocket.

Aria walked back in the house as Ella headed out with the last bowl of food. She walked over to Ezra and wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling as she leaned up to peck him on the lips. He kissed her back and smiled back at her.

"Please tell me your day was better than mine," Aria asked.

Ezra and Byron exchanged a glance as he took her hand in his. "Can I jus talk to you for a few seconds?" He asked. He could see the older man watching them expectantly, obviously hoping that Ezra was finally going to tell Aria the trouth.

Aria let out an exasperated sigh. "I suppose. What crap do you have to add to my pile," she said snarkily.

Ezra opened his mouth to speak, but he titled his head to this side just slightly. The weight of what she had just said hit him hard, like driving full speed at a brick wall. Yet again he was feeling like he had no place to even talk about what was affecting him. Why right did he have to even THINK he did? She deserved someone better who could help her. Someone who wasn't going to suck her down with his own issues.

"I was just joking," Aria said after a moment with a light laugh. "At least, sort of. I'm sorry. I've had a really crappy day. Kids at school are being cruel and saying things, and its making me crazy."

"It's not like that, " Ezra insisted. "I just wanted you to know I'm here for you."

Aria smiled solemnly at him. "You tell me that every day." She leaned up and wrapped her arms around him tightly, closing her eyes as she breathed in his scent. "Was that really all?"

Ezra hugged her back, nodding. "Yeah." He swallowed a hard knot in his throat.

"Are you sure?" Aria asked. "It seems like there's something more you wanted to say." After a moment, "oh crap, this wasn't about what's going on with you was it? I'm really sorry, Ezra-"

Ezra shook his head. "No, I ah...I just, I have to go. I just remembered, I have these papers I have to get graded, you know, with finals coming up."

Aria furrowed her brow. "I thought you were taking a break tonight because of your hand being cramped up."

Ezra nodded, "Yeah, I was going to, but I can't put this off. It's important."

Aria crossed her arms. She was torn between feeling incredibly guilty for making him feel like he couldn't tell what it was that was tearing him apart, and annoyed that he wouldn't just tell her anyway. She took a long breath and shook her head.

"Alright, if you insist. But I'm here for you too, like I said yesterday. I mean it. Regardless of what it is. You can tell me whatever."

Ezra nodded. He smiled as he reached a hand up to her cheek. He brushed his knuckles against it and then leaned down and kissed her lips. Aria placed her hands on either side of his face as she kissed him back.

It was sweet and sensual, but lacking their usual gusto. There was not arguing of the tongues, and not a lot of heart behind it. It seemed it was more out of habit than anything else.

"I really love you," she told him softly as he pulled away.

Ezra nodded, placing a kiss on her forehead. "And I really love you too. But you know, finals to put together and all."

"I thought you said you were grading papers," Aria said suspiciously.

"I am," Ezra said quickly. "But I still haven't finished pulling together the final exams that I have to give," he said. "I have them ready for review next week, and I've only got one of the three done. I'll see you tomorrow though?"

Aria nodded. She was sad as he released her hands from his, and he walked out of the house. When the door shut behind him, she sunk down onto the couch and brought a hand up to her chin. She sat there frustrated, trying to figure out what it was that she had kept him from saying. It scared her that he was keeping something from her that so obviously affected her.

"Aria? Are you and Ezra coming out?"

She let out a long breath and pushed up from the couch, pulling down her skirt. She walked through the house to the back deck and joined her parents at the table. They exchanged a look as she sat down in front of them.

"Isn't Ezra going to join us?" Ella asked.

"He left," Aria said sadly. "Something about grading papers and getting finals ready." She shook her head, dismissing the obviously transparent alibi.

"Did he tell you anything before he left," Byron asked tentatively. He knew immediately after asking the question that it was useless. If Ezra had really told Aria about last year, then he probably wouldn't have left so quickly, and she would be falling apart.

"No," Aria replied. She pulled some portions of potatoes and barbequed chicken onto her plate and looked around at their back yard. "I just don't understand…" Her voice trailed off and she turned her attention back to her parents. "But you guys know. I heard Jackie say that yesterday. What is it that he won't tell me?"

"Aria," Ella said nervously. "It's not our place. That's something that you should leave to Ezra to tell you. It wouldn't be fair of us to tell you that without his consent."

"But he _won't_ tell me!" Aria whined. She let out a groan as she pushed peas around on her plate. She felt as if she had only herself to blame. Ezra had been so close to telling her whatever secret he was keeping, and she had screwed it up by whining about her day. She knew in the back of her mind that on some level she had a right to. It had been a long, stressful day, and she was always there for Ezra when he had days like that, and she knew he felt the same way towards her when she had tough days.

Still, she couldn't shake the feeling that whatever this was, it wasn't good at all. She knew that it was affecting every aspect of his personal life. That couldn't be denied at all. All someone had to do was look at him to be able to see that he wasn't sleeping. She knew he wasn't eating very much either, because every time they shared a meal, he only pushed the food around on his plate instead of actually eating much of it.

Aria pursed her lips as she returned her attention to the yard, wracking her brain with what it could possibly be that was getting to him. Did he have a sibling who had been raped in the past? That didn't seem likely to her. Ezra only had a brother, Elijah. He was two years younger than Ezra and far too much of a party boy to have been through something as horrific as rape.

A fleeting thought passed through her mind for less than a second that maybe it was Ezra, but that just didn't seem possible to her either. They had come close to making love multiple times before Grady had attacked her, and he had never once exhibited the signs of someone who had been sexually abused.

She knew if she kept thinking about it though, she wouldn't be able to kick the thoughts and that it would cause her own issues to weigh on her for the rest of the night. Resigned, she turned her attention to her parents and did her best immerse herself in their conversation. With any luck, tomorrow would bring another chance or Ezra to tell her.


	6. You're Still An Innocent

__**A/N: **Ask, and you shall receive...

_Chapter 6_

_You're Still An Innocent_

She looked at him like he was ice. It made him sick. There had been a time when she looked at him, hell, gravitated towards him, like he was fire. But it seemed these days, she only looked at him as if he was colder than anything she'd touched. Like he was damned with her, damaged beyond repair without her.

"I said you don't know what you're talking about," Aria insisted.

He'd found himself standing in his office, trying to talk to her because she'd had a crappy. He was trying to sympathize with everything she was going through, without making her feel pressured or like he was belittling what she'd had to put up with. But she had dismissed him like nothing more than an unwanted phone call. And that made him feel low.

Ezra shook his head, bringing his good hand up to his forehead. He rubbed it, frustrated.

"You know, people _are_ capable of understanding what you've been through," he told her harshly.

"You have _no _idea what it's like!" Aria cried. "You don't know-"

He whipped his head around at her, glaring at her with so much fire inside of him, he felt like he might actually shoot it out of his head. "To hell with the idea that I don't know what you're talking about! I know what you're talking about more than **you **know what you're talking about!"

Aria shrank back against the top of his desk. He'd never yelled at her like that before. She'd never even heard him speak that way, to anyone. "Ezra-"

"No, Aria!" He shook his head as tears burned over the edges of his eyelids. "I can't even…"

It took everything in him not to find another wall to punch. Didn't know how much this hurt to even _think_ about? She had to have figured out _something_ that he was dealing with. She had to have just at least an _inkling _of what it was that he'd been keeping from her.

Aria looked around the room, tears filling her own eyes. She was scared, but she wasn't quite sure if she was more afraid of his emotions at the moment, or what he was going to do to himself because of them. He'd already broken his wrist in the midst of everything.

He sucked in a deep breath between clenched teeth and shook his head again as he blinked, and tears began to run down his face. "I get it, alright? I didn't want to tell you any of this."

Ezra looked up at her, angered by the fact that more hot tears filled his eyes. "Was my senior year of college, Aria." A knot was tight in his throat, threatening to keep every word he was trying to say keep from getting out. "And someone was going after guys on campus."

Aria stared at him, torn between being angry with him for not telling her sooner, and scared of how upset he was. "So?"

Ezra looked down at his cast. He clenched and unclenched his fist. "He broke in when Hardy was out of town visiting family. I liked to sleep on the bottom bunk when he was gone so I didn't have to do the ladder.

I woke up, and he was behind me, and I couldn't move. I tried to scream, and he shoved a sock in my mouth, and then shoved my face down in the pillow so I couldn't spit it out. I screamed as loud as I could when he finally. And the funny thing was, all I could remember thinking was how awful that sock tasted, and how I was going to do laundry once it was all over.

When he finally got off, I thought maybe he'd leave, but then he made me lick him. MADE me suck on him. He came on my face and then FORCED me to get off. And while he did he got off a third time.

He left the key to the handcuffs in one of my hands and left me there. When Hardy came home, I had barely moved, beyond getting dressed."

"Did they catch him?" Aria asked softly.

Ezra shook his head. "And he came back. I was his first and only repeat victim. Something to do with getting revenge, because I put the article on the front page of the Hollis paper. The last time, he followed me right back from the infirmary and jumped me with my door open. Everyone was in class, and I just given the police a statement. When they finally came along, he locked the door and then tortured me until he was satisfied. He beat the hell out of me too."

Aria's shoulders we slumped as she sat on the desk, her arms tightly crossed. "What about Jackie?"

Ezra forced laugh as several tears fell from his eyes. "She didn't believe me. She said that it wasn't possible. Jackie said a lot of things, and we didn't speak for almost eight months. That day, that photo you saw of us from Italy? She had messaged me. She was working with one of the other victims, and wouldn't you know it, he said he knew me. She asked him how. He told her he'd seen a photo of me when the police asked if he knew any of the other victims. We even met once. He came by the dorm when I was packing my things to move into my apartment. Asked if we could talk. I asked him why. He showed me his discharge papers from the hospital."

"Someone raped you, _multiple times _last year…And you're just now telling me?" Aria said. She was having trouble absorbing the information.

Ezra forced a gulp down, nodding his head. "I didn't know where my life was when I met you. I was trying just to get through things day to day, and you made things a whole hell of a lot better. When I found out I was your teacher, I pushed you away because I didn't want something to happen to you where I ended up hurting you like I'd been hurt. But when I came back from New York… I'd seen my mom and brother while I was there. They both knew about what happened, and they knew I was seeing someone, without even saying anything."

He walked over to her so that he was standing in front of her, but he didn't touch her. "I _**hated **_falling in love with you. That's why I left. I hated feeling that vulnerable again. If I could be so vulnerable that someone could come after me in what I felt like was my home, then what stopped them from coming after me at my apartment."

Aria reached her hands up and gently cupped his cheeks. "I get it."

Ezra shook his head. "I thought I could keep this from you. I thought that if I never said anything, then you would never know. Ever since that night, though…Ever since I was in that room with you at the ER…" He closed his eyes, tilting his head down towards the floor as a pained expression covered his face.

"What about the ER?" Aria asked, coaxing him gently.

He opened his eyes and sighed a heavy breath. His shoulders dropped as he looked her in the eyes. "That room, where you had your exam. The last time I saw that guy, before he disappeared, I told you he beat me up really bad. Up to that point they were having trouble even getting anyone to give anything in way of DNA. I just wanted him caught, so I let them take everything. But I hate that room. I won't let them treat me in there, even if it means waiting."

"So when we were in the ER the night Grady raped me, that's what brought this all back up for you?" Aria asked.

Ezra shook his head. "No, I d-…It was a mix of things, because I tried to bury it. All I know is every night since then, it's come back clearer and clearer. "

Aria shook her head, blinking several tears away. "I don't want to be the reason this is happening to you."

Ezra grabbed her hands in his and shook his head. "This is _my _fault. You **can't** bury this, Aria. It'll come back to get you. I should know."

Aria looked down at his cast, and then to his other wrist. "That's why you broke your wrist. Is that why you tried to kill yourself too?"

Ezra gulped, following her line of vision down to his wrists. He'd never told her much beyond the fact that he'd been through something really terrible, that led to the suicide attempt. He had also told her that his mom and brother had been the ones who had stopped him.

"_Can I ask you something?" _

_Ezra lifted his head up off the back of the couch and groaned as his neck popped several times. "Of course." He tightened his arms around her as he tried to shake off his exhaustion. _

_Aria brushed her thumb over the scar on his left wrist. "Why would you do this to yourself?" _

_Ezra looked over her shoulder at the faded scar. "You know I had an entire 21 years of life before I met you." _

_Aria nodded, turning in her seat to face him. "You never struck me as the kind of person who would hurt themselves, though." _

_Ezra shook his head and shrugged. "I did try to kill myself, I'll admit to that." He pressed his lips together for a moment, trying to find the right words. "Things happened, before I had done it. Things that affected my life in ways that I can't really explain right now. But it was bad. In the worst way." _

_Aria exhaled a long breath. She gently let go of his hand and wrapped her arms around his neck. _

"_It's alright," he said softly. "My mom, and my brother were both there. They changed things." _

Aria shook her head, reaching up to wrap her arms around Ezra's neck. She pulled him tight against her, shaking her head as tears began to run down her face.

"I wish you had just told me before."

Ezra brushed his hand through her hair, kissing the side of her head. He pulled back gently and looked her in the eyes.

"Do you remember when you came to me and told me about Jenna? How afraid you were that I would see you differently?" He asked.

Aria nodded. "You thought I would think less of you for this? Why would I _ever _think less of you because of rape?"

"It's a _lot_ more common with women," Ezra replied. "I was nowhere near ready to face it when it happened, and when it **kept** happening, all I wanted to do was forget. When I started remembering these last few days, I was right back I that place. I ran from Hollis last April because I was terrified, and then when I came back to work here, I thought everything was okay. I thought because he was gone, things would get better. But it seems like it's just gotten worse."

"Of course it has," Aria said matter-of-factly. "The person who hurt you is out there somewhere instead of jail where he should be."

"But you're-"

Aria shook her head at him. "Grady's every step is being watched by cops. I'm afraid of a lot of things, including him, but I'm not afraid that he could do it again."

"Doesn't matter," Ezra said dismissively. "He's not in town. He hasn't been around in over a year."

Aria laced her fingers around Ezra's neck, shaking her head as she struggled to keep his eyes focused on her. "You can't tell me that it doesn't bug you that he might be out there somewhere, waiting."

Ezra shook his head at her. "I can't let that get to me. If I thought about that, I'd never sleep. I did _everything_ I could to help the cops."

"Sounds more like you're trying to talk yourself _in_ to being okay with it," Aria murmured.

Ezra shook his head. "Whatever."

"Well, I-" Aria cut off, looking over towards the door. "Dad."

Ezra turned his head and looked over as well. Byron was standing there.

"I was headed out. Your mother said you were here," Byron said.

Aria nodded. She looked back to Ezra. "Can we continue this conversation later?"

Ezra looked down at the floor and then at her. "Your parents know, Aria."

Her jaw dropped, though Ezra quickly shook his head.

"I didn't tell them," he insisted. "I can't stop your parents from reading the paper, though."

Byron nodded guiltily from the doorway. "We had hoped he would tell you."

"Well, great, then,," Aria murmured. "Lets go. I'm _super_ hungry."

Ezra couldn't help but laugh. "You know, so am I."

_-  
>Lie awake at night<br>__You keep running through my mind  
>- <em>

Dinner brought the most pleasant conversation that either Aria or Ezra had been a part of in days. It was also the first time since everything had happened either of them had eaten something more than few bites of food.

"Are you sure you don't want any ice cream," Ella asked Ezra with a chuckle. Mike had been in the midst of telling all of them a joke that he'd heard earlier in the day just moments before.

Ezra shook his head, grabbing the glass of wine Byron had given him when they had all sat down to eat.

"I'm good. Thanks, though." He tipped the glass back and swallowed the little that was left in the bottle.

Aria licked from her own cone, which had been topped with mocha mudslide. "I've got homework," she murmured to him. "I'll see you later?"

Ezra looked up at her and nodded. "I'll come up before I leave. I swear I won't flake this time."

Aria leaned down and pecked him on the lips before she and Ella walked out of the kitchen and headed towards the stairs.

Byron settled his own glass along with Ezra's into the dish washer and then closed it before opening the fridge as Ezra pushed up from the table.

"Ezra."

He looked up at Byron. Byron had a beer in his hand, extened towards Ezra. "Let's talk."

Ezra looked at him nervously. The last time he'd had a serious conversation one-on-one with Byron, it had been Byron telling him that he was going to call the cops so that Ezra would never be able to see Aria again.

He walked across the room and took the bottle of beer tentatively, and then followed Byron through the kitchen, out onto the deck in the back yard. Byron gestured toward the seat opposite to the one he took.

Ezra walked over to it and sat down across from Byron. "What's up?"

"We have had a real conversation since I ripped your head off that day in the apartment," Byron said. "At least, not a normal one. With all of the things that have happened lately-"

"You mean Aria being raped and my whole life becoming public knowledge to everyone in this family **but** Aria?" Ezra asked blatantly.

Byron cleared his throat, but nodded nonetheless. "Ella and I have done our best to keep away from asking two many questions-"

Ezra turned is bottle of beer on the table. He moved it down to the corner and used he edge to pop the top off. "Aria and I have had to field through a lot of things since we first met. I always planned on telling her, but a month turned into two, turned into six, and it seemed a hell of a lot easier to sweep it under the rug when being around her meant that I didn't have to think about any of it."

"Out of sight, out of mind," Byron asked.

Ezra nodded. "I never understood how people could say that they had been through something like that, and then didn't think about it, and basically forgot about it until something brought that memory back. But that night, after sitting in that trauma room with her, all I could think about was being in the room 11 months earlier while doctors were poking and prodding and doing things that I didn't want anything to do with.

Byron just nodded. Ezra took a long drink from his beer.

"I'm sorry, you wanted to talk about something," Ezra said.

Byron nodded again. "Yeah. As I said, Ella and I have done our best to not ask too much, because we don't want to make you feel that you have to tell us your life history right now. But I had to ask you something after talking to Hardy.

Ezra chuckled and raised his eyebrows, taking another drink from his beer. "I hope he sold the information to you. Might as well get _something_out of telling all my secrets."

"It was really more so something you said," Byron clarified. "He told me to ask you."

"Is that so?"

Byron nodded. "The day you and Aria came here and said you were going to be together regardless of what happened, you said something."

"I said a lot that day," Ezra replied. "But what is it that stuck out to you?'

"After you got so upset, and broke your wrist, something didn't add up. I mean more than what already didn't. I kept scrambling to figure out where the pieces didn't fit, but I kept coming back to that statement you made to me out here that night. When you looked at me and said she made things feel real again. That she saved your life. At the time, I thought it was all something to do with her making you feel better after a bad breakup. But after that night…"

Byron shook his head.

Ezra leaned back in his seat,, turning his bear on the table. He nodded. "I tried to kill myself. Yes."

"Why?" Byron asked. "When?"

Ezra shook his head, looking around the dark yard. Only the porch lights illuminated the yard.

"I couldn't stand living in the dorms anymore. My grades had dropped so far that I wasn't going to graduate if I kept going at the rate I was, and most of the problem was the fact that I couldn't sleep at night.

About a week before I got my apartment, I went up to New York for the weekend, to see my mom and my brother. She knew something was up, because I hadn't returned calls in weeks. I wasn't really talking to anyone that I didn't have to. I was dodging my professors because I didn't want to deal with what had happened, and I definitely didn't want to tell them.

Anyway, I was at home and every single time my mom asked what was going on, I kept putting her off. I wouldn't discuss anything that had to do with me. By Saturday night, she was making comments about calling Hardy, my best friend, and I- I just _**couldn't.**_ I couldn't deal with her knowing, with she and my brother knowing. It felt like too much.

Ezra scooted forward on his chair and began removing his watch. The thick band always kept the scar on that wrist covered.

"I knew how to break a razor blade, so after she had gone to bed, I broke one and cut both of my wrists until I knew I'd cut veins."

He shook his head, looking down at the table as he tossed the watch band down onto it. Byron's gaze fell from Ezra's face to his wrist. He reached across the table and gently pulled Ezra's arm forward, bringing the scar into light. It was four inches long, and wider than most scars that he'd seen before.

"I guess could say that I got lucky. My mom hadn't gone to bed at all. She made good on her comments, and called Hardy. I don't know how either of them knew, but he told her to check in on me and make sure I was okay. I had just dropped the razor when she walked in. She called 911, and made my brother come in and hold towels against my wrists until the EMTs showed up."

"Damn, Ezra." Byron's voice was sot, filled with sorrow. He brushed his fingers over the scar. The comment wasn't intended to hurt Ezra. It was simply the only thing Byron could think to say. For how little he had known Ezra, truly. For how harshly he had judged him when he'd first met the man, and all awhile, he really had no idea.

"I wonder if Aria ever would have told you, if she hadn't been forced by the state she was in when she came home," Ezra mused. "It killed me to have to tell that story to my mother. Anyway, when I got out of the hospital, I got an apartment my first day back in Rosewood, and told Hardy I was moving out of the dorm. Once I was out of the dorms, I sucked down all the extra credit and did all the make-up work that I could do. I barely pulled most of my grades up to a C average by the time finals rolled around. All but one pulled up to a B minus when finals were over."

"You failed one of your finals?" Byron asked. It seemed illogical to him that Ezra could've been failed anything. Wouldn't he have just told his professors?

Ezra shook his head. "I got an A in Advanced comp," he said with a chuckle. The very same class he now taught. "The only prompt given was where life would go after college. I had no fucking clue."

Byron nodded as Ezra pulled his arm back across the table. He went to work trying to get his watch back on.

"Did any of your professors know?"

Ezra shrugged. "I'm sure some of them guessed. It was public knowledge that there was someone sexually abusing students on campus and that he had a type. I met a few of his other victims, but, ah, suffice to say, he never went after any of them four times."

"Why?"

Ezra took another drink from his beer. "Police think it's because I was the person who wrote the first article about someone hunting male students. I was the editor in charge, and I made sure it went on the front page. And I mean, I wasn't exactly a jock; I was an English major. But I had friends that **were**."

Byron shook his head disapprovingly. He took a drink from his own beer. Things were silent for a few minutes.

"Does Aria know," he asked after a few minutes.

Ezra was attempting to scratch his palm under his cast. "Aria knows something very bad happened. She's seen the scars including the ones on my back, but she doesn't ask questions, and I don't talk about it. All I ever told her was that some really bad things took place. Things I wasn't ready to explain at the time."

He took a deep breat hand looked Byron in the eyes for the first time since they'd come outside. "Truth be told, I wasn't going to stay in Rosewood. My mom really wanted me to move back to New York and take a job at NYU. I had applied for the job at Rosewood right after graduation, and then took off to New York for the summer. I met Aria two days after getting home."

Byron nodded silently as they sat there. "So, when I asked if she'd been in your apartment that afternoon- I mean when I insinuated…"

Ezra couldn't help but chuckle. "Sleeping with **anyone** at this point would mean explaining at least twenty different reasons why they can't do this or touch me like that," he explained. "Considering Aria didn't **know **anything, you've got nothing to worry about."

Ezra tipped his beer bottle back and took another drink from it, finishing what was left in it. He looked down at his watch. "I should get going."

He pushed back from his seat, and Byron stood as well.

"You know you always have an open-ended invitation to stay here."

Ezra nodded. "I'd rather not be a bother," he said as he stepped through the patio doors, into the house.

Byron shook his head at Ezra. "We don't consider you a bother."

Ezra dropped his empty bottle into the recycling bin and looked over at Byron.

"I scream in my sleep," he explained. "A lot. Ever since that night in the ER….Most nights, I wake up shaking and covered in sweat. I don't want to subject Aria to that."

Byron stared at him solemnly. "You know, trust be told, the only time I haven't heard Aria scream in hier sleep is when she knows you're here."

Ezra stared down at the floor. He didn't want to make Byron feel like he didn't care about Aria, but he didn't want to subject her to worry when she had her own issues to deal with. Telling her about everything that afternoon had been hard enough.

"When are you going to stop running from her? From being honest about everything?" Byron asked.

Ezra looked up at him. "I can't now. It wouldn't be fair."

Byron shook his head at Ezra. "And going about it this way is fair to you? You'd be amazed at how understanding Aria can be."

Ezra nodded. "I know she is. And that's why it wouldn't be fair."

"You know, far be it or me - the person who almost destroyed it all - to give you some advice on how to keep your relationship with my daughter going, _but_, it seems the selfish choice you've made in over a year was falling in love with her. And every day that you keep burying what you've been through to make her feel like you're paying attention to her is undoubtedly only going to make your suffering worse."

"I'm not suff-"

"Bull." Byron rolled his eyes. "I call your bluff. Someone who isn't suffering doesn't scream in their sleep, or hide something as painful as multiple rapes."

Ezra took a deep breath and shook his head, walking towards the sitting room. He grabbed his bag off the couch. He looked up towards the door, only to see Ella standing there in front of him.

"Seriously? What's with the double team here?"

Ella crossed her arms and leaned against the doorway. "We're worried. I told you that you've become a serious part of this family. And while I respect what you've done to try and be fair to Aria, we're worried all of this is going to drive you into hurting yourself. Again."

Ezra clenched his jaw. "With all due respect, you do **not** know me. What I've been through is my business. And what I do about Aria is my business too."

"And if I have to pick up my daughter off the floor because you withhold information with the intent to 'help' her, I'll guarantee you, you'll be sorry about it," Byron said sternly. "I respect the fact that you want privacy, but a year is a long time to keep a secret that deep. Someone's gonna get hurt, Ezra. We'd rather it not be you or Aria."

As if on cue, she was leaning over the banister of the stairs. "Are you leaving?"

Ezra looked up at her. "I'm coming up."

He looked at Byron, and then at Ella. With a heavy sigh, he dropped his bag near the stairs and proceeded to climb the stairs. He followed Aria into her room and sat down on the bed next to her.

"Were you fighting with my parents?" Aria asked.

Ezra shook his head. "They're having a disagreement with me about certain things. Anyway…"

"Will you stay, please."

Her tone broke her heart. For as much as she was trying not to sound like she was begging, Ezra could hear it in her voice. He knew he had clothes in his car, but he worried that he would wake her up if he woke up screaming. But his mouth betrayed him.

"Yeah. I've got a bag in the car. Just let me go grab it."

Aria released his hand tentatively, and watched as he exited the room. She stepped into her bathroom and turned on the faucet, using the spare time to brush her teeth and then she pulled her out of the bun she'd had it up in all day. When she walked back into her room, Ezra came up through the hallway. He must've stopped in the bathroom in the hall, because he'd changed into a loose pair of sweatpants.

He dropped his bag next to her dresser and then walked over to the bed. Aria flipped the lights off and then walked over to the bed and laid down next to Ezra. He moved his arms and granted her room to lie down next to him.

After a while, they both laid there still awake. Aria looked up to see him staring down at her.

"What're you think about," she asked.

Ezra shrugged. "You."

Aria blushed, struggling to hold in a giggle. "What about me?"

Ezra rolled his eyes. The answer was so cheesy, but it was true. "How much I love you."

Aria smiled. She pushed her weight against him to move further up on the bed. She pressed her lips to his. Ezra moved his hands into her hair, kissing her back. It seemed like it was been forever since they'd kissed. But as their lips pushed each others apart and Ezra's tongue brushed over hers, it burned with so much unrelenting and harsh passion, that if there was one thing that was clear to the both of them, it was how much they still loved each other.


	7. I Just Need You Now

_Chapter 7_

_I Just Need You Now_

Aria awoke violently in the middle of the night. It surprised her, mostly because it was the first time in days that she wasn't waking up in the middle of the night from her own nightmares. She looked towards the clock. 12:34 AM.

She look over in the spot next to her, and the sight broke her heart. Shaking and covered in a sheen of sweat, Ezra had the blankets clenched tightly in his fists. She couldn't even begin to fathom what had happened to him in his senior year of college, and the largest part of her really **didn't **want to know.

"Stop! No!"

Aria leaned over and shook his shoulder gently, trying to be careful that she didn't scare him or hurt him. It took several minutes, but eventually his eyes opened, and he looked up at her, rather quizzically.

She brushed her knuckles against his cheek, frowning. "You okay?" Ezra struggled for a few moments to recall what he'd been dreaming about. As it came flooding back to him, his face turned red. "Fine. I didn't hurt you, did I? I didn't kick you or-"

"No," Aria insisted. "You were shaking, and you're soaked."

At her comment, Ezra looked down at himself. His pants were sticking to his legs, as was his shirt. He groaned and himself up into a seated position, and moved off the bed. "Maybe I should just go."

Aria grabbed his broken wrist, turning his attention back to her. "Don't. Please. Just sleep in your boxers. I told you, I sleep better when you're here."

"How can you say that? It's my fault you're awake _right now_."

"Please, Ezra," Aria begged. "Don't leave."

He let out a heavy sigh and then removed his shirt from over his head. He used it to wipe away the sweat on his forehead and his neck, and then ditched his sweatpants as well before he moved back onto the bed. Aria followed after him and laid down next to him, resting her hand gently on his chest. Ezra held her hand gently. She could feel his heart racing, and her knowledge of his personality was well enough equipped to tell her that regardless of what he was telling her, he wasn't fine. He wasn't even remotely calm.

"Talk to me, please," she asked him. "I know you're not okay."

Ezra shook his head at her. "It's memories, that's all. It doesn't mean anything."

"It's not all," Aria insisted. "You're upset." It amazed her, how easily her frame of mind around him had shifted. Like, because she understood this new piece of the puzzle so clearly, having been through it herself, nothing had really been missing. It was more like discovering a hidden piece of him that she could relate to, rather than finding a missing piece.

Even so, it didn't do anything to quell her fears. She knew how she had been feeling for the last few days, and seeing him suffer like this wasn't helping her at all. She also knew that for as long as she might've been suffering, he undoubtedly had been suffering for much, much longer. He had kept this secret from her for almost a year.

Aria exhaled a heavy breath, knowing that, by his silence, he wasn't going to give anything away. She turned on the bed and rested on her back, and did something she'd never done before.

"Come here. Let **me **_hug _**you.**"

Ezra raised an eyebrow at her, obviously not entirely sold on the idea. Even so, Aria kept her arms open, and a few moments later, he moved towards her, and he rested his head just under her breasts. Aria ran her fingers through his hair and listened as his breathing seemed to slow and then even out as he drifted off to sleep. It almost seemed too easy, but if that's what helped, then that's what she would do.

She looked over at the clock. It was nearly 1 AM. With any luck, she'd be able to get a few hours of sleep before going back to hell. Oops, sorry. School.

_-  
>They say before you start a war<br>__You better know what you're fighting for  
>- <em>

Aria was screaming when she awoke the next morning, and tears were running down her face from a dream that she'd forgotten as soon as her eyes opened. Ezra had been asleep next to her, both of them asleep long past when her alarm should've gone off.

Byron came to stand in the doorway of the bedroom and looked at the both of them with a concerned expression as Ezra enveloped Aria in his arms.

"What was it?" He asked softly, brushing a comforting hand through her hair. Aria just shook her head, clinging tightly to him as she curled up in his lap.

Byron turned and walked out of the room, leaving Aria and Ezra to talk alone. When she finally calmed, she looked up at the clock. "It's almost nine thirty. Why are you still here?"

Ezra shrugged, brushing her tears off her face. "Alarm never went off. What had you so upset?"

"I don't remember," Aria said softly. "All I can remember is Grady's face, and then I woke up."

Ezra brushed his lips against her temple with a sigh. He hated knowing that she had been screaming in her sleep. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" She asked, wiping at her eyes.

"Everything," Ezra said softly to her. "Not being there that night. Having to tell you about all of my crap…" Aria shook her head at him, placing her hands on either side of his face. "If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to make you see that none of this is your fault."

His eyes dropped to the floor, and Aria tilted her head to the side. It hurt her to see him this beside himself, and to truly understand he was feeling the way he did. She moved one of her hands behind his head and pulled him down to her, brushing her lips against his cheek before she hugged him. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, placing several kisses to his neck a she nuzzled her face there.

Ezra's arms looped slowly around her and he hugged her back for several minutes, before finally resigning to the fact that they would have to leave Aria's bedroom at some point to face the day. When she finally pulled her arms down from around his neck, he grabbed his bag from where he'd left it the night before and then headed across the hall towards the bathroom.

Aria sank down against her bed as she watched the bathroom door close. She'd never seen Ezra this closed off. She'd never seen him so completely shut down and unwilling to connect, in any manner. Yet as she sat there, her heart literally ached for how much she missed their connection. She missed their ability to sit and talk for hours about absolutely nothing. She still felt comfort when she was in his graces, but it wasn't the same. It was like he was as scared as she was, and that did very little to comfort her fears of Grady.

What scared her more though, wasn't what she had been through, or even what could happen. She was absolutely terrified of seeing something happen to Ezra that he couldn't stop or control.

Aria let out a shaky breath and then moved off her bed. She walked across her room and pulled her closet open. After looking at it for a few moments, she finally pulled out a midnight blue dress. She walked into her bathroom and slipped out of her pajamas before pulling the dress over her head. She ran a brush through her hair afterwards and then applied a bit of makeup before heading back out to her bedroom.

She walked over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of tights, and slipped them on before pulling a pair of black wedges from her closet and slipping her feet into them. She retrieved her school bag from the floor and then slipped over her shoulder and walked out of the room.

Aria made her way downstairs and walked into the kitchen. Byron and Ezra seemed to be mid-conversation, but it stopped as soon as she walked into the room. Aria glanced at Ezra's choice in clothing. He was dressed in a black dress-shirt with a green t-shirt poking out around the collar, and matching black dress pants.

"I'm gonna go to school," she murmured. "Can I have the car keys?"

"I have to run up to Philadelphia in about an hour," Byron replied. "I think Ezra's on his way in to Hollis though. Could you drop Aria by the high school?"

Words didn't need to be said to note how heavy the tension was in the room, but Ezra gave in to the offered up idea anyway, and led Aria out to his car. She settled in the passenger seat and he in the driver's, but nothing was said between them as they pulled away from the Montgomery home.

Halfway to Rosewood Day, Ezra pulled over on an empty street and shut the car off. Aria had been staring out the window, wishing for the ride to come and go as smoothly as possible. She was surprised when she saw that he pulled over instead.

"What?" She asked.

"You're upset," Ezra replied simply. "And you're upset with me."

Aria shook her head, taking a deep breath. "I'm not upset _with _you. I'm scared **for** you. There's a lot about everything you've been through that I still don't understand, because you won't let me in. I don't know how to help you." "You don't need my crap on top of your own," he murmured dismissively.

Aria groaned. "And we're _right_ back where we were when you tried to end our relationship without asking me how I felt about it! These aren't one-sided decisions, Ezra! You don't get to make them without me!"

"You don't **want** my crap," Ezra argued back as he glared at her. "You don't _want_ to know the things that went on last year, Aria! They would sicken you! Good god, they make **me** sick!"

Tears ran down Aria's face before she was even aware that she was crying, and she was torn between being angry with him and hurt by his lack of believing that she could be empathetic to his situation.

"You know, I thought _I_ was unfair for the way I treated you yesterday, but you're being just as unfair to me. I **am** capable of understanding what you've been through Ezra, without judging you or looking at you like you're damaged."

Ezra shook his head, gripping the steering wheel in his hands. "It has nothing to do with whether or not I think you're capable of understanding me or what I've been through. It has to do with the fact that I don't want my crap affecting what you're already being forced do deal with. This was put on **me** to deal with. Not you."

"So I'm not allowed to be here for you?" Aria asked. Her tone dripped with how much he was hurting her.

Ezra looked up at her, the pain clear and evident on his face. "What do you want me to tell you, Aria? That the first time it happened, Hardy came back to the dorm, found a condom on the floor, and thought I was screwing some girl in his bed? How other than those occasions, I've _never _had an STD? How it makes me sick that **because** of that guy I've had STDs? Or would you rather hear about how I sat in the ER for six hours with doctors poking and prodding me and cops asking me the same question fifty different ways? I **hated** my life at that time."

Ezra knew what he said to her had been mean. He knew it was wrong if him to go off on her like that. But it was that very reason that he didn't want to have to tell her about his past in the first place. He didn't want her feeling like she was being forced to carry his burdens because he couldn't deal with what had happened to him.

Aria shook her head as she wiped the angry tears from her face. "That was unfair, Ezra. And uncalled for."

He stared out the window, struggling to keep his own emotions in check. It seemed lately that that was an impossible task, and it made him crazy to no end. Why couldn't he accept what was in front of him?

"I don't want to hurt you," he said, enunciating each word. It took everything in him to get that sentence out, past the knot in his throat. "I don't want what I've been through to affect you. It's not fair, Aria."

He looked over at her as she reached a hand across the seat and ran it down the back of his head to the base of his skull.

"I think we've both learned pretty recently that life isn't fair, Ezra." She pursed her lips for a moment. "But why should that stop me from being able to be here for you? Or you for me? I still love you, broken up or all together. You're still Ezra to me."

"And you're still Aria to me," he murmured back. "But don't you ever wonder if maybe how we view each other isn't who we're supposed to be?"

Aria frowned. "You can't think about it like that. It'll eat you up inside." "It's already started," he whispered. He shook his head and reached up to start the car again. Aria reached her hand out and placed it over his, stopping him from actually turning the key in the ignition.

Ezra looked at her with a frustrated expression. "Please, _do not _try and lay a speech on me about how things are going to get better, because I _may_ just vomit on you. Comments like that are a dime a dozen in counseling."

Aria raised her eyebrows at him. "You were in counseling? I didn't know that."

Ezra looked down at the radio console as he shrugged his shoulders. "You had your secrets about 'A'. All those weekends I spent up in New York up until a couple of months ago were because the only way I was ever going to get suicide watch off my record was to agree to counseling. I didn't want to go anymore, and my therapist and I couldn't come to an agreement. I didn't want to talk about what had happened, and she said she didn't know how else to get through to me. She agreed to let me take a six month break, and see where things ended up in July, given the promise that if things got bad again, I'd get help."

"And are they?" Aria asked. "Getting bad again?"

"Aria-"

She tilted her head at him, clenching her jaw. "Don't close up on me again. Is it getting bad again?"

"You have to understand-"

Aria huffed, shaking her head. "I don't have to _understand_ anything! Tell me you're not feeling like you want to hurt yourself again, and if you **are**, that you're going to talk to someone!"

"Don't push this," he begged her. "Don't ask me to go down that road, Aria."

Aria breathed in a shaky breath, biting her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. "I'm not pushing you down any road," she whimpered. "You're already on it."

_-  
>Don't you know you should never<br>__Treat a girl like that  
>- <em>

Aria and Ezra parted when he finally dropped her off, but she didn't feel any better about their current situation. She coasted through the two classes she had before lunch, and then struggled to pay attention. By the end of the day, she was sitting in her mother's classroom, but memories of when Ezra had worked there plagued her in ways she couldn't stand.

She stood up and began to pace. Mike gone with his friends, and all of her friends had already headed out for the day. She was left waiting for her mother to go home.

Ella walked into the classroom, carrying a stack of books in her arms. "Sorry, sweetie. Meeting ran late…" Her voice trailed off as she saw Aria pacing. "Aria, what's wrong?"

"I'm terrified Ezra's going to hurt himself," she said bluntly.

Ella settled her stack of books onto the desk at the front of the room and turned to face her daughter. "Where is this coming from?"

"Did you know Ezra tried to kill himself last year?" Aria asked.

Ella shook her head as she started placing her books into her bag. "Vaguely. Your father mentioned it last night after they talked. Why?"

Aria shook her head, leaning back against one of the desks. "Because he did it after everything that happened to him last year. He did it because he couldn't deal with what happened."

Ella's brow furrowed in confusion. "I'm sorry, I don't understand where you're going with this. Is it that you're feeling like hurting yourself? Because, Aria-"

"No," Aria insisted. "I told you, I'm afraid Ezra's going to hurt himself. Today- Before he dropped me off at school, we got in an argument. I-In the car. I wanted him to tell me what was wrong because he keeps shutting me out. He keeps thwarting conversation and he won't face everything that's in front of him."

"Sometimes people aren't ready to, Aria. You know that," Ella said in a consoling tone.

Aria shook her head, feeling tears burn in her eyes. "I know, and it's not that. I couldn't make him deal, and I _wouldn't_…But what if he tries to hurt himself again, mom? Am I supposed to just be okay with that?"

Ella frowned. "All you can do is be there for him. And if it gets too serious, where you think he's seriously going to do something, call 911."

Aria stared at the floor with her arms crossed. She sniffled. "That doesn't help much."

Ella walked over to her and wrapped an arm around her. "I know. Just give it time, sweetie. You know that Ezra's got your best interest at heart."

Aria sniffled, resting her head on her mother's shoulder. "But I don't think he has his own."

_-_  
><em>It's late and i am tired<em>  
><em>Wish i could spark a smile<em>  
><em>- <em>

Aria leaned back against the book case that sat behind Ezra's bed with her arms crossed. He had yet to return from work, but she didn't want to go home. More than that, she was terrified of him being alone. What he was going through scared her, because she knew how felt. She knew how much he just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

She stared down at the small scab on her forearm. She rolled her eyes a moment later and then pulled the sleeve of her shirt down. She was _such_ a hypocrite. She was becoming all the things she said she'd never be. But then, wasn't that the point of never saying never? That things could always happen when you least expected them?

She exhaled a breath and shook her head, trying to breathe through the tears that were silently rolling down her face. She really didn't understand how this had become their life. Had a light switch really flipped that fast in their lives? And, a part of her wondered, if this hadn't happened to her? Would Ezra have ever told her about what he'd been through. She had a bad feeling that he wouldn't have.

The door creaked open across the room, but she didn't move. She watched as he entered the apartment and walked over to his desk. He must've spotted her bag on the couch though, because he quickly turned around and looked at her.

"Aria…" She lifted a hand and waved at him before wiping the tears off her face. Ezra settled his bag on the chair in front of his desk before walking over to his bed and sitting down across from her.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

She shook her head, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Nothing. Everything. You know?" He nodded. He reached his broken hand out and wrapped his fingers around her hand. Aria curled her fingers around his and closed her eyes, resting her head on her knees. They sat like that for a while.

Eventually, she lifted her head up and moved over to the edge of the bed, sitting next to him. "I hate everything about my life now," she said honestly. "I hate it. I don't want to be here like this anymore."

He wrapped his hand around the side of her head and pulled her towards him, pressing his lips to her temple. He knew hugging her was probably the last thing she needed for him to do.

She pushed her sleeve up on her arm, scratching the back of it absentmindedly. Ezra looked down nonchalantly at the moment, but he spotted the very distinct, _straight_ scab on her arm. In fact, his eyes zeroed in on it, as soon as it was in sight. He reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her arm up.

"Aria, did you do this?"

She opened her mouth to say something, but words evaded her. "I…"

"I'm begging you, **DON'T **do this. Aria…Please… I'm always here if you need to talk to someone or it's too much to handle. I will NEVER tell you no."

"I ju-…I don't know what to do…"

Ezra's entire upper body shook as he exhaled a shaking breath. "I have walked towards death, greeted it with open arms, and it looks great when you're running from all of this, I know, but I swear to you, there is nothing more painful, more **terrifying **than the look on someone's face when they find you. Don't make me have to go through that with you. **Please.**"

Aria looked down. "I'm sorry."

The knot that had formed in Ezra's throat was almost too tight to breathe past. He yanked off his wrist watch and then grabbed her hand gently and placed her fingers on the large scar. "I had my mother **terrified **that I was going to die right in front of her. You never know who's going to find you, and it…" He shook his head. "And I know there's a difference between cutting and suicide, but… Please, Aria." She kept one hand gently wrapped around his wrist while her other hand reached up and wiped the tears off his face. She cupped his cheek and leaned into him, kissing him chastely. "I'm sorry. If I had known… I'm sorry." "Don't apologize," he told her softly.

She shook her head, pressing her forehead against his. As she closed her eyes, several tears ran down her face. "I don't know how to deal with all of this. I don't know how you did…" Ezra laughed, but it wasn't out of cheerfulness, or even because he thought it was funny. "I didn't deal. I ran away from everything and everyone. I buried everything after I tried to kill myself, and I left it there. And I put on a good face because I thought it was what I was supposed to do." He leaned back after a moment and leaned back to look at her, cupping her face in his hands. Tears glimmered in his eyes. "Aria, regardless of what I've said or done, don't model your choices after mine. They were wrong. I stuffed everything away where I didn't deal with any of it, and pretended to be someone I wasn't. It didn't solve anything, though. If anything, it's made it harder."

Her chin trembled and she rolled her shoulders as she stared up at him. "But burying it is just so appealing."

Ezra blinked, and a tear ran down his cheek. "Nothing stays buried. I think we both know that."

He closed his eyes, exhaling a shaky breath.

_It seemed the room was spinning around him. How had he found himself here? This hadn't been his life. This wasn't how he had been raised. His parents had raised him to be a good person that stayed out of trouble. He was expected to graduate from college and make a name for himself as an author like his mother. So why the hell was he standing here like this?_

_His hands shook as he gripped the bathroom counter. He couldn't bare to look up at his own reflection, but fading bruises covered his face from the final attack he'd endured at the hands of his anonymous abuser. There were purple rings around his eyes, and he'd definitely lost weight in the last few weeks. He couldn't bare to actually digest anything. He'd barely skated by the past thirty-six hours in his mother's home, telling her that he just wasn't feeling well, because every time he ate something, he only threw it back up. _

_The unpackaged razor sat on the side of the counter in front of him, and he knew that if he did this, there was no going back. If he did this, this was it. Yet, he wasn't sorry about it. He didn't want this life. He didn't want to be the guy that everyone knew because his face was all over the news. He didn't want to be known for this. A suicide wouldn't rate very high on the news though. Hell, the most he'd probably get was an obituary in the Hollis paper and the local paper in Manhattan. _

_And that just sickened him more. He was a purebred New Yorker. His parents were both from well-off families, and even divorced, they both expected highly of him. He was a golden child in the eyes of a lot of people, both in New York and in Rosewood. He wondered if they knew the kind of weight that put on him - especially now. And really, what use would they have for him when they knew the truth. They could never find out, and the only way to keep that from happening was to just not exist anymore._

_He grabbed the razor blade and squeezed it in his hand, letting the double-edged blade dig into his palm and his fingers as he walked out of the room. He looked both ways down the hall, and didn't see his mother. She must've stepped into her room to take a call. _

_He walked in the opposite direction to his bedroom, and then pressed the door shut behind him. He looked around his room. _

_His desk was perfectly arranged so that nothing was out of place. So were his bookshelves. His bed was made perfectly, pulled tightly enough that you could bounce a quarter off the top of it. He walked over to his iPod base and pushed the power button on the far left side. Music slowly started to flow through the speakers._

_He sank down to the floor and uncurled his fingers, revealing crimson liquid as it ran over the dull silver blade from his palm and fingers. The cuts were superficial, and they certainly wouldn't compare to what was about to cover his arms. _

_He rested his head back against his blankets where he was leaning against his bed frame and squeezed his eyes shut. This was the right thing, right? _

"_Why can't they remember  
><em>_What I'll never forget  
><em>_How these dreams can come undone  
><em>_When you're young…"_

_He opened his eyes lifted his head, letting his line of vision fall back to the blade in his hand. He picked it up with his other hand and let out a shaking breath as his trembling fingers brought the blade down against his wrist, vertically. Slowly at first, and then more persistently, he pushed the blade down. As it broke through the first few layers of skin, the pain was clear. But as he pushed past the fleshy skin underneath, the pain was welcomed more. He knew the minute he had cut something by the way blood suddenly began running so much faster from him. _

_He moved the blade to his other hand, and blood was quickly running over him, onto his dark blue jeans, his baby blue t-shirt, and onto his stained wood flooring. He was quicker this time, pushing the blade down deeply into his skin and dragging it across quickly. It was that simple, and, for as sick as it might've been, he felt relief. This hell he'd been living in for weeks, he was finally going to escape from. He finally felt like he wasn't so terrible anymore. _

"_You give what you give cause they make you  
><em>_Trapped inside a place that won't take you  
><em>_They want you to be what they make you  
><em>_It's already over and done when you're young…"_

_And just that fast, his door burst open, and his head whipped up, and a fresh wave of panic rushed through him. He wasn't supposed to be found like this. Not this soon. Or maybe not at all? _

_"M-m-" She screamed before he could say anything, and suddenly Anne Fitz was across the room, screaming her younger son's name as she snatched a discarded t-shirt from nearby and wrapped it tightly around Ezra's left wrist. Tears were present in her eyes, and she looked horrified._

"_Ezra, sweetie," she cried as she squeezed her hands tightly around his wrapped wrist. Elijah Fitz trotted into the doorway a moment later, and his eyes grew wide at the sight. _

"_Mom?" _

_"Grab a shirt and wrap his wrist," Anne commanded fearfully. Ezra dropped his head back behind him and shook his head. Fresh, hot tears ran down the sides of his face. This wasn't supposed to happen. He didn't want them to know this. And yet, two seconds later, his baby brother was at his side, squeezing his wrist and holding his arm over his head to slow blood flow while also talking to a dispatch operator. _

"_Why didn't you tell me," Anne cried as she held Ezra's arm with one hand. Her other was cupped around his already cooling fingers. _

_Ezra shook his head at her. "I didn't want you to know this!" _

_"Honey…" _

_He shook his head as tears continued to run down his face. This was his own personal business. He didn't want people knowing. _

"_Ezra," Elijah murmured. He looked over at his younger brother, and the fear in his eyes matched that, that was burning in his mothers eyes. His chin trembled and more tears ran down his face._

_"What happened?" Ezra shook his head, sniffling as he sucked in a breath. "I c-…I can't." _

"_Days never seem longer  
><em>_They say its better this way  
><em>_I hope one day I'm stronger that I feel  
><em>_And I hope that it feels different than today…"_

_He threw his head back against the boards of his bed behind him, wishing with everything inside of him that he wasn't there, and that he could get away, but he knew there was no chance of that happening. He couldn't bury this now. Not from them; his own family. No, he was screwed now. _

Aria watched Ezra as she laid next to him. She found it ironic that her parents were willing to let them stay together in his apartment alone, but considering the circumstances, she supposed that she probably shouldn't have. She was dressed in a pair of his old sweatpants and one of his t-shirts, while Ezra had on a pair of flannel pajama pants and a hoodie.

She tapped buttons on her phone, moving through the different apps on it as the wireless radio played on it. Suddenly a very familiar song came on. Ezra whipped his head up and looked at her.

"Turn that off." Asking no questions, Aria pushed the little stop button and closed the application. She watched once more as he traced an indolent finger over his wrist, running it over the scar he'd put there himself. His watch was settled on the nightstand next to the bed.

"Is there a specific reason you don't like that song?" She murmured.

Ezra nodded, continuing to brush his thumb over the scar. "It was playing the night I tried to kill myself." "You remember that night?" Aria asked.

Ezra shrugged. "Most of it. I mean by the time I got to the hospital, things started getting a little hazy, but I remember doing it, and then my mom catching me, and Elijah seeing everything. I remember thinking that killing myself was going to solve everything. If I was dead, then no one would ever know."

Aria took several long breaths, continuing to watch as he traced his finger over his wrist. "Do you regret it?"

Ezra lifted his head to look up at her. "Trying to kill myself? Or getting caught?"

Aria shrugged, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around them. She rested her head on her knees, still looking at him. "Any of it."

Ezra sighed, pressing his lips together firmly for a moment. "I didn't regret it when I first did it. But when I saw my mom, and my brother…" Ezra's brow furrowed as he recalled the memories. It was treading a thin line answering that question. Sometimes, especially lately, he wished he'd never been caught. He wished he would've just carried out the deed, and have been done with it. He wished no one knew this, especially Aria. Not because he didn't trust her with the information, but because it felt like he was giving too much of himself away. He felt like everyone pulling him apart slowly, and he wondered if there was going to be anything left when everyone was finished dissecting him.

"I wish a lot of things," he said finally. "I wish I'd never hurt my mom and brother that way. I wish they would've never had to find out those things. Because that's what drove it," he said, turning to face her. "I never wanted them to know."

Aria nodded. She looked down at her phone, and at the song title blinking on and off, asking to be played. She pushed the button curiously. It wasn't a song she knew.

"_Oh my, look at those eyes  
><em>_Look at the trouble that they hide inside  
><em>_See the flicker of the pain on the rise  
><em>_Oh, my, look at those eyes_

_And maybe they're like mine  
><em>_Things I wish I did not see  
><em>_Push away all the dirt and debris,  
><em>_But what'll be left of me…"_


	8. Where The Lonely Ones Roam

**A/N: **As you've probably noticed, certain parts of season 2b are going to leak into this story, while other parts of it will stay AU. But then, I'm pretty sure I said at the beginning that this story was complicated. That said, there's something you'll find out in this chapter that emerged among the new theories this season, and it's one I like. That said…

_Chapter 8_

_Where The Lonely Ones Roam_

Aria flipped through her journal glumly. There were two weeks left to the school year, and she was wishing it was already over. She hated knowing that there were eight more days she would have to spend seeing Grady in the hallways. She wanted to be finished with it all.

Ella leaned against the doorway as she came to lean against. She tucked a hand in her pocket and smiled at her daughter. "Why don't you go over to Hollis and see what Ezra is up to? It's a long weekend as it is." Aria shook her head, settling her book down on the ledge of the window as she turned her head to face mother. "I feel like I've screwed Ezra's life up. Before all of this, he was fine."Ella pushed up from the doorframe and walked into the room. She walked over to Aria and sat down on the ledge of the bay window that looked out over their backyard, next to Aria. "You didn't do this, Aria. What Ezra's going through, he's _always _been going through. Do you remember what I told you when you asked me about blocking out memories?"

Aria nodded. "People file things away until they're ready to deal with them. Time can heal." She laughed at the irony of the comment.

Ella squeezed Aria's hand lightly. "Sweetie, I don't think Ezra ever intended on facing what was in front of him. It may very well be that the mere idea of looking at what was staring him in the face was too big a cross to bear. That fear can weigh very heavily on a person."

"Do you think he would've ever told me if he hadn't been forced to?" Aria asked.

Ella pressed her lips together and bit down on them, though she shook her head a few moments later. "I don't want to lie to you and say yes. I can see from spending time with the two of you these last few weeks that swallowing what you've both been through is something very tough, and honey, I think he's choking. I think he has been for a long time."

Aria gulped. She looked out the window, wrapping her arms under her knees. It was bright and sunny, and quite warm outside. And yet, she had no desire to go outside and enjoy it.

"I just hate knowing that he's suffering," she murmured. "I hate that he's got all of this going on, and he didn't feel like he could tell me."

Ella shook her head. "I don't think that it was that he didn't feel like he could tell you, Aria. I think Ezra never wanted anyone to know." Aria chewed on the inside of her cheek as she listened to her mother. She knew that there was a possibility that Ella was right. After all, the last thing she had ever wanted after everything had happened with Grady was for her family to find out. She hadn't really been given a choice when she'd shown up at the house, and they had seen her with her clothing torn and her mascara run down her face from tears. And if she hadn't been faced with the fact that Ezra had been there when she got home, she probably wouldn't have wanted to tell him at all.

She turned her head to look back at her mother and rested her head on her knees. "Do you think we can ever get anything back? I mean after everything that happened this year with my relationship with Ezra, and Mike, and…" Ella shook her head. "I spent a long time looking to get this family back to something that I had in my head. Something I wanted so desperately to believe in, because I think I thought that if I achieved that, then maybe everything else would be easier. But I think at some point, I realized that it wasn't possible to keep trying to put thing _back_ to the way they were. I think I wanted to fix the situation with a bandage rather than solve it by talking about everything we've all gone through. It was a good thing to get Mike into therapy, but I never really considered that maybe we all needed to go as a family."

Aria nodded. "So is that what we're doing now?"Ella shrugged. "Its an option that's been placed on the table. Your father and I don't want to force you or Mike into anything, though. We both understand that this has been a tough year for you. But, we would like you to consider going to see a therapist yourself. And, if the circumstances fall into place, you and Ezra together."

"Okay," she murmured softly. "So Dr. Sullivan-"Ella shook her head. "Dr. Sullivan gave me the number for a different therapist. Something to do with a conflict of interests. She wouldn't tell me anything else."

Aria leaned back against the wall behind her and dropped her head against it. "Figures. Why bother having _anything_ work out well these days. Why can't anything be simple anymore?"Ella chuckled. "Should I give you the speech about how life is _never _simple?"

Aria shook her head, looking back out the window.

The next few moments passed quietly, and then Ella pushed up from where she was seated and walked towards the doorway. Aria turned her head in time to see Mike walking into her room. She forced a small smile onto her face.

"Hey, Mike."

He walked tentatively into the room, returning her smile. "Hey." He was quiet for a few moments as he looked around the room. His eyes fell on a photo of she and Ezra on the dresser. It was a picture her mother had taken just before the DC class trip. They were having a cookout with Hanna, Spencer, Emily, Caleb, Toby, and Paige. It was cool out and Aria only had on a t-shirt and jeans, and a thin red slouch beanie. They had been talking with Spencer when Ella had come up behind Spencer with a camera. Ezra was holding Aria's hands in his out in front of them. His smile was cheerful, while Aria's was content. The look on her face gave away clearly that she couldn't be happier anywhere else.

"Are you alright?" He asked, pulling his gaze away from the photo.

Aria shrugged. "Shouldn't I be asking _you_ that? After everything that's happened in the last few weeks, you've **got** to be feeling like-""I _feel_ like I've seen my sister go through hell these past few weeks. I don't care about anything else." Mike told her. He walked over to her and sat down where Ella had been just a few moments earlier. His hands curled around the edge of the window sill, and he stared down at the floor.

"When you and Ezra went to mom and dad to tell them about your relationship and everything happened, I wanted so badly to agree with them, but I saw how much it hurt you two. I saw how it affected the both of you when I hit him. And for a long time, I thought I was nuts, because I _swear_ I saw this look in his eyes when I punched him that day. I saw this look, and for weeks after that, all I could think about was whether or not I was just seeing things. And I saw how much everything that happened hurt you, and it made me crazy. It was like our whole family was falling apart again. And then Ezra stood up to dad, and I let myself be stupid enough to believe that things would get better."

Aria chuckled. "Did you hear what mom said about trying to get back to what we used to be?"

Mike nodded. "Maybe she's right. Maybe we need to stop trying to achieve something that used to exist, and start trying to be something else."

_-  
>I just wanna run to you<br>__And break off the chains  
>- <em>

Aria sunk onto the couch in Ezra's office and crossed one leg over the other. She had changed out of her sweats into a jean skirt, with black leggings that were cut at the knee. She also wore a black tank top, and a thin red jacket that only fell to her rib cage. The sleeves were pushed up to her elbows. She took a sip from the coffee she'd picked up from a vendor in the quad and flipped open the textbook she had resting in her lap. Even though she wasn't going to school every day, she was doing her best to stay caught up on the studies that everyone else was doing so that she would be ready for finals in two weeks.

Ezra walked into the room and looked up at her, surprised to see her there. He took several steps out of the room and looked to his left. "Lets finish this later."

Aria furrowed her brow at him. "Huh?"

He shook his head at her as he walked back into the room. He was dressed in a black button-down and wore a midnight blue vest over it, with a pair of khaki cargo shorts. Aria could hear the click-clacking of heels walking down the hall as Ezra pulled his door shut.

She pointed towards the door. "Jackie?"

Ezra waved his arms out in a shrug as the door clicked shut. "She knows things. And my best friend hates me right now."

Aria raised an eyebrow at him. "So you don't hate _him _anymore?"

Ezra shook his head, bringing the up of coffee he was holding to his lips. He took a drink from it and then walked over to his desk and settled it off to the side as he turned a page over on the teacher's textbook lying open in front of him. He leaned against his desk, gripping his hands against the edge of it. Or rather, his left hand held most of his weight while his right just kind of sat there. His hand had minimal strength gained back, even though it had been about a month since he'd broken it.

He closed his eyes, lingering there for a few moments. Coffee worked a solution to exhaustion only for so long. He needed desperately to get a few hours of sleep.

He finally opened his eyes and grabbed his cup of coffee and then walked over to Aria and sat down next to her. He rested his arm behind her and laid his head back as he leaned into the seat.

"Have you slept at all?" Aria asked as she turned to look at him. They hadn't slept in the same bed together in over a week, either because Aria was with her friends or family, or Ezra was struggling to get everything ready for the finals he needed to give for his classes before the end of the year. They had barely seen or spoken to each other in the last few days, though it wasn't for lack of trying. In fact quite the opposite; they were almost constantly trying to get in touch with one another, but it was always a near-miss.

He shrugged, turning his head over to look at her. "A little. A few hours here or there. But every time I get to sleep…"

"It's one nightmare after another," Aria murmured. "I never really thought about how that affected everyone else. I mean I'm lucky. Both my parents are teachers, and they've made it possible that I don't have to go to school every day. I never thought I'd actually want to say it, but sometimes I'm just _so _grateful when I get so tired from going and going on nightmares, because I finally get so exhausted after a few days that my body just shuts down and I actually manage to get a few solid hours of sleep."

Ezra raised an eyebrow at her, chuckling softly. "I wouldn't know. When I was in college, I pushed myself every day to ignore almost everything. Before I tried to kill myself, it was all about being consumed by everything I was feeling, and after, everything I did was in an attempt to _ignore _what I was feeling. Those last six weeks of school, I buried myself into my books as best I could. When it was over, I did everything I could to keep myself busy. I went wherever I had to, to keep my thoughts optimized on anything but my own life, even if it meant walking through central park with my iPod blasted at two AM."

Aria nodded slowly. The muscles around her mouth twitched. She wasn't sure if she should smile or frown. In the end, she sighed, reaching a hand up and brushing her fingers through his hair. "I hate that you went through that. I hate that you're going through it now."

Ezra grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing her fingers. "Let's talk about something else. What's new and interesting in your life?"

Aria shrugged. "I have a lawyer fighting to go to trial. Oh, and apparently I have to get a new therapist."

Ezra furrowed his brow. "I thought you liked the one you have?"

Aria nodded. "I do, but I guess she told my mother there's some sort of conflict of interest in the treatment. My mom told her she wanted to get us into family counseling, and for me to start going to see a therapist alone as well. She also suggested the two of us see someone." She paused for a moment. "Together."

Ezra raised his eyebrows, lifting his head up off the couch. He pressed his lips together for a moment, brushing his hand down the back of her head. "What's your therapists' name?"

"Anne Sullivan," Aria replied.

Ezra nodded. He pulled his hand down from around her and looked down at the floor as his hands both wrapped around his coffee cup. He rested his elbows on his knees as he took a long drink from his cup of coffee.

"What is it?" Aria asked.

"Were you sent to see her?"

Ezra chuckled as he shook his head. "No, no." He turned his head to look back at her. "She's my mom."

Aria's eyes grew wide.

"_She threatened my son."_

Those words were clear in her head, ever since the night Mona had been killed. She remembered the look in Dr. Sullivan's eyes that night.

"Mona…" Aria murmured softly.

Ezra nodded slowly. "She told me about the threats being made. We argued, but she kept telling me how she just wanted me to be safe after everything that had happened."

Aria gave a small smile. "She's pretty great."

Ezra nodded, though his eyes drifted back to the floor. "I've never forgiven myself for what she was put through because of me last year."

Aria looked around the room for a brief moment and then narrowed her eyes at Ezra. "Wait. Then does she know about me? I- I mean about us?"

Ezra chuckled. "Yeah. She knows how we met, and that we've been together for eight months. She also knows that being your therapist now is a conflict of interest."

"Right," Aria said with a sigh. "Wish I had known all of this when I met her. I would've tried to like her less."

Ezra laughed. "It took a long time for her to forge a path of her own away from my father. It's why she goes by her maiden name instead of Fitz. She's been published on the effects of codependent relationships after a loss. I swear, from the time I said I wanted to be a writer in school, my dad was always telling me that I had to fight for what I wanted because it didn't come easy in the writing world. People told me I was stupid for even trying. But my mom was always there to tell me that if I worked hard enough and wanted it bad enough, it would happen."

Aria leaned into him and kissed his jaw. Ezra wrapped his arm around her and leaned back against the couch.

"Let's take a nap," she murmured, kicking her legs up onto the coffee table.

Ezra laughed. "My neck is stiff enough from lack of sleep without trying to sleep here.""Then lets go," Aria offered. "Please?"

Ezra stared at her curiously for a few moments before nodding and moving off the couch.

_-  
>Won't you come out, I've been waiting for you<br>__Holding my breath till my body turned blue  
>- <em>

The sun had set when Aria pushed herself up off of Ezra's bed. She had changed into a pair of sweats he had given her instead of staying in her confining leggings and skirt. Ezra appeared to still be fast asleep next to her. She reached over and grabbed her phone off the nightstand. It had been set to silent since they'd gotten there.

She had several missed calls from her parents. Curious, she picked up Ezra's phone and checked the screen. Three missed calls from Dr. Sullivan, as well as two missed texts. She typed a quick text to her mother and then settled her phone back down on the table and laid back down, snuggling into Ezra's embrace.

She found that she liked laying next to him when he was asleep. It was the only time these days when he didn't look scared or upset, or entirely exhausted. She'd seen him so affected by the rainbow spectrum of emotions he was feeling the past few weeks that it killed her to know he was suffering so much. But when he slept, he seemed to be peaceful. Granted, there was the occasional nightmare that he woke up from screaming, but she didn't mind that. It was a comforting feeling to her to know that it wasn't as frequent when she was with him.

She brushed her fingers through his fringe and leaned down to kiss his lips. Ezra stirred in his rest and opened his eyes, looking up at Aria as she pulled away from him. She smiled down at him.

"I have to go. _Our_ parents have been looking for us. And its almost nine."

Ezra rubbed his eyes, sitting up on the bed. "Really?"

Aria nodded. She moved off the bed and grabbed her phone off the nightstand. She was going to call her parents, but her phone rang instead in her hand.

"_Caterpillar in the tree,  
><em>_How you wonder who you'll be  
><em>_Can't go far but you an always dream  
><em>_  
>Wish you may and wish you might<br>__Don't you worry, hold on tight  
><em>_I promise you there will come a day-"_

She pushed the green button the screen of her phone and turned to walk away as Ezra's phone started ringing on the table. He moved off the bed and reached out to grab it.

"_Storms are coming,  
><em>_I feel it underneath my skin  
><em>_S.O.S. on my bedroom floor_

_See, I see a light house  
><em>_Even when it's still so dark out  
><em>_I know I'll make it to the shore-"_

Aria looked over her shoulder at Ezra as she crossed the apartment into the kitchen.

"_You're both alright?"_ Ella asked from the other end of the phone line.

"Yeah," Aria murmured. "Just fell asleep. But um-"_"Your father and I would like it if you'd come home right now, and bring Ezra. The four of us need to talk."_"But mom-" She wanted to know if Ella knew about Dr. Sullivan being Ezra's mom.

"_Aria. Just come home. We need to talk. We'll see you in a bit." _With that, the line clicked dead, and Aria pulled it away from her ear. She was slightly frustrated at her mother's lack of giving her the time to ask, but there would be time to do that when they got back to the house.

"We going to your place?" Ezra asked.

Aria nodded, walking over to the couch, where she'd left her skirt and leggings folded up. "I'm just going to change, and then we can go."

_-  
>Forever young, I wanna be forever young<br>- _

"You sleep alright?"Ezra squeezed Aria's hand lightly as they stepped through the doorway of the Montgomery home. They had seen the lights on in the dining room from the car when they had shown up. They knew that her parents were still up waiting for them.

"Aria? Ezra?"Aria clasped her hand tightly in his as they stepped into the dining room. Her brow furrowed at the sight of Dr. Sullivan standing next to her father as he poured tea into a cup she was holding.

"What's…going on here?"

Ezra's jaw dropped slightly at the sight of his mother standing there in the kitchen. She had called him to see if he was with Aria while Aria was on the phone at his apartment, but he hadn't known that she was here.

"We wanted to speak with you two," Dr. Sullivan said. She nodded to Ezra. He pulled his fingers from Aria's and slipped his hand around her back. They walked over to the table as Ella settled two fresh cups on the table and poured coffee into them. The older adults were drinking tea, but Ella knew Aria and Ezra well enough to know that they preferred coffee. Byron walked back into the kitchen with the teapot and then returned a few moments later with a tray filled with milk, cream, and sugar.

Ella, and Byron sat down on the side of the table opposite from Aria and Ezra, while Dr. Sullivan took the seat at the head of the table. Aria exchanged a look with Ezra before sitting down next to him. He sat between her and his mother, while Byron sat between Dr. Sullivan and Ella.

Aria filled her coffee with sugar and cream before taking a long sip from it.

"So what's going on?" Ezra asked as he slipped his left hand around his coffee mug.

"We're worried," Ella said simply. "You two…"

"We want to be sure you're both safe," Dr. Sullivan said.

Aria and Ezra exchanged a surprised look. While they were spending more time alone together, they had both assumed that their parents knew better than to think they were having sex.

"Dr. Sullivan, we-"Dr. Sullivan shook her head. "Please, call me Anne. And we are aware that you two aren't doing anything more than actually **sleeping** when you're together." She turned her gaze to Ezra. "But we _are _worried. You both have people who want to hurt you that are out there."

"Mom-"

Anne shook her head. "Ezra, you **don't** know where that man is. I always thought it was rather convenient that he managed to disappear after more people started going to the police, but I don't really believe that he's gone. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he waited for things to quiet down to come back."

"What use am I to him now?" Ezra argued. "He's been gone for over a year."

"Because you _ran _him out of town, babe," Anne said, squeezing the cast on his broken wrist lightly. "I've seen it enough in victims who don't report-""I'm not-""Nobody is calling _anyone_ a victim," Byron cut in. "But we do have the both of you to worry about, whether you like it or not. You're both in very difficult situations at the moment."

"Oh," Ezra said sarcastically. "You noticed."

"Hey." Anne's voice was firm as she pushed Ezra's arm, bringing his attention back to her. "No one is denying the hell you're both going through. But this vicious rage you're expelling on everyone around you needs to be spent in a gym."

"I can't really spend time in a gym when I never sleep more than forty-five minutes without waking up." Ezra said angrily.

"Then you need to find someone to-"

Ezra pushed up from the table. His breathing quickened as the rage she was speaking of started building again. "I am _not _going to be someone who's dependant on drugs to keep me from going nuts. We've had this argument before!"

"Ezra Jamison Fitz!" Anne pushed up from her seat and stared Ezra down. Their silent argument carried on for several moments before Ezra huffed.

"What are we supposed to do?" He said after a few deep breaths. "Aria can't stop going to school, and I'm **not** going to quit my job. I've fought hard enough to get back-"

"Ezra, you haven't gotten back **anything**," Anne argued. "You've spent months running from everything by pushing things around like food on a plate. You can organize your life into different corners until everything is perfectly in it's place, but that's never going to change the fact that trying to put a problem to rest by ignoring it instead of facing it."

He shook his head at her, clenching his fists. His face and neck felt hot, and his fingers were ice cold. "_Please. _Explain to me how I'm supposed to **deal** with what he did to me? Explain to me how I'm supposed to just be okay with it all?"

"Being okay with it is not what I'm telling you to do!" Anne said to him. "But you need to get help before it drives you back to where you were last year. I will **not** watch you nearly bleed to death all over again."

Aria gulped as she pushed back from her seat. The surprised look on her parents face combined with listening to Ezra argue with Dr. Sullivan was taking a toll on her, and she didn't want to have to keep listening to them.

"Stop arguing," she said angrily. She looked to Dr. Sullivan. "Just tell us what we're supposed to do."

"School is out in less than two weeks," Dr Sullivan said, looking at her. "We want the two of you to stay surrounded by people as much as possible until then." She looked back to Ezra. "I'd like for you to stay at my place until this guy turns up."

"And what makes you so sure he will?" Ezra asked.

Dr. Sullivan shook her head. "Mother's intuition? Look, your father and I both know enough in our fields to know that someone like this doesn't just disappear. It's very likely that this guy was getting very close to being caught, which is why he ran."

Ezra laughed, shaking his head. "My father, the cop, whom I haven't seen since I was fifteen. My _father _who said I should've tried _harder_ when he found out I almost killed myself? My father, the drunk-"

"Al_right_," Aria growled, whipping him around to look at her. "He's less than exemplary as a role model. But would you let your mother finish?"

Dr. Sullivan nodded to Aria thankfully. "Your father was a heavy drinker for a lot of years, Ezra. I know that he's said a lot of horrible things to you in the last seven years, but when it comes to special victims, he knows what he's talking about. What you and he do now that he's sober is up to the two of you, but what's important is what he knows from twelve years as a cop."

"What does all of this have to do with me?" Aria asked.

"Whoever this guy is, he's probably back in town and stalking you again, waiting for the perfect moment to strike." Dr. Sullivan explained. "He's beaten Ezra within an inch of his life before, and I promise you, there's nothing that will stop him from coming back when he can't wait any longer. We're worried that if you two are alone together when he turns up, he'll kill you both."

Aria wrapped her arms around Ezra's left arm and leaned into him. "You can't let that happen."

Ezra turned his head and brought his hand up to her cheek. He brushed his knuckles against it, looking down into her eyes. "I won't let **anything** happen to you."

"No!" Aria cried. "I don't care about me. I don't care if someone tries to hurt me. But if someone killed you…" She shook her head as tears started to run down her face.

"No one here is to blame for this," Byron said, extending a hand as if it would stop them all from arguing. "And we're not going to let _anything _happen to the two of you."

"So what are we going to do then?" Aria asked.

"Mike is on a plane to LA right now," Ella said. "He's going to stay with your grandmother and finish out the year after this is all said and done. We're going to stay with Dr. Sullivan at her place, so that you two are safe."

"And you and I are going to go to and from work every day together," Byron said to Ezra. "We're going to do everything possible to keep from letting anything happen."

Dr. Sullivan looked from Byron to Ezra. "There's a bit of a discrepancy over where he's going to strike."

"How so?" Ezra looked back and forth between the three adults. A moment later, a knock at the door distracted him for a brief second. He looked to Dr. Sullivan and then to Aria's parents. "You're kidding, right?"

Ella walked out of the room.

"Seriously? I haven't seen him since the day he left back in New York, and the last time we spoke, he was disappointed that I failed in trying to kill myself!"

"And that was wrong."

Aria and Ezra both turned at the sound of an unfamiliar voice. Aria was taken aback as she looked at the man behind her. He looked exactly like Ezra, except that he had wrinkles brought about from the twenty or so more years than he'd spent on the planet than his son. He was dressed in a leather jacket and a sea foam green long-sleeved shirt, with black jeans and black running shoes.

Ezra glared at the older man, wrapping a protective arm around Aria's waist and pulling her closer to him. He pressed his lips into the top of her head, though it was more to keep from saying something he would regret than anything else. Aria wrapped her fingers over his and laced them together.

"Ethan." Dr. Sullivan said, nodding to him.

Ethan Fitz nodded back at her. "Anne." He turned towards Byron and Ella and extended his hand. "Ethan Fitz." He spoke officially. They each shook his hand and introduced themselves before stepping aside and letting the previous conversation resume.

Ezra looked over his shoulder at his mother. "Would you like to finish this conversation? Because I'm still confused as to what exactly is going on at the moment. Discrepancies?"

"There's an argument as to where he's going to strike," Byron said.

Ezra raised his eyebrows and moved his head in a curious manner. "Okay? What?"

"I know enough from the years I've spent being a cop to know how this guys thinks." Ethan interjected.

Ezra turned around and looked at the older man heatedly.

"Look, we can argue later. I've looked over what Rosewood PD would let me see from their basic profile, and it goes hand-in-hand with what I've figured from what little I know. This is someone who is going to strike somewhere familiar. My best guess is that one of the reasons he disappeared last year is because you were no longer in the dorms."

Ezra shook his head. "He came after me in the library last year."

"Right," his father agreed. "But after you moved out of the dorms last year, its my understanding that you spent as little time as possible at Hollis."

Ezra nodded tersely. "I didn't want to be there."

"I believe that after you went to the cops and moved out of the dorm, this guy got pissed and left town. I think- no, I know, he went looking for someone to replace you. After I went through their files this afternoon, I told them to look into similar crimes with men fitting your likeness. They got hits all up and down the east coast in dorms. This is probably some guy who originally attended Hollis, and then re-enrolled in a different school after the end of last semester at a different college. When too many of the same crimes started happening, he probably started showing up on different campuses, still looking for someone to replace you." Ethan explained.

"Then how do you know he's not still doing that?" Ezra asked.

"Because nothing has turned up in the last six weeks," Ethan said. "I _guarantee _you that this man is back in town, and he's done everything he can to hunt you down. He's going to do **everything **he can to get to you, and the fact you're working at Hollis now has made this game that much more fun for him."

"Game," Ezra said incredulously. "He's enjoying this?"

Ethan nodded slowly. "I'm sorry, EJ, but I promise you he is."

Ezra's head began to spin with all the information flying at him. This was all too much for such a small amount of time. His stomach was churning. Someone was actually getting _enjoyment_ out of attacking him. His father had just called him the nickname only he had ever called him, after seven years of nothing. His eyes burned with tears that were threatening to fall.

He pulled his arm free from Aria and ran it through his hair, pulling tightly at the roots. He shook his head and walked out of the room.

Aria followed after him as he walked into the kitchen and began to pace.

"Ezra-"

"Don't." He insisted, glaring at her for a brief moment before he turned and continued to pace.

One by one, each of the adults trickled into the kitchen behind Aria until they were all standing either beside or behind her.

"I can't do this anymore," Ezra said as his hands began to shake at his sides. He stared his mother clearly in the eyes. "I can't repeat last year. No, I **won't** repeat last year. And I won't put her in the position to risk being hurt again."

"You need to take a few deep breaths and calm down," Anne said to him.

Ezra shook his head, turning towards the trash. He threw the cover off of it and curled over it as he began to heave. Aria ran to him and rubbed her hand up and down his back as his body shook from the burning liquid running out of him.

He managed to stop after a few moments and opened his eyes. He stood up slowly and wiped the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand. He used his other hand to wipe the tears that hadn't fallen from his eyes, blurring his vision.

Aria stepped away from him and grabbed a glass from the drying rack next to the sink. She filled it halfway with water and pulled Ezra towards her. He took the glass from her and rinsed his mouth out before forcing down several gulps of water.

"How is this going to work?" Ezra asked. He wasn't entirely sold on not trying to kill himself again, but he was willing to do anything to protect Aria.

"Ethan is going to go back to your place with you so that you can pack a bag. We're all going to meet at the grill and then go over to my house." Anne said. "We'll work out the logistics of everything tomorrow morning."

"Do you even have enough room for all of us, mom?"

Anne nodded. "It's a four bedroom house," she said. "Elijah is up at NYU."

Aria wrapped her arms around Ezra's waist from where she stood behind him and rested her head between his shoulders. Ezra squeezed her hands lightly.

"Then let's do this."


	9. I Don't See What I Can't Quite Reach

**A/N: **I made sure that I had the right first name for Dr. Sullivan before I went further with this arc in the story. That said, when she's speaking with Ezra, she'll be referred to as Anne, or his mother. When she's speaking with Aria, she'll be referred to as Dr. Sullivan. There is really no specific reason behind that, beyond the fact that it just seems more logical.

ALSO! I'm **sooooo **sorry for not updating sooner! I wasn't able to get online, though the plus side was that it gave me a LOT of time to write. That said, I give you chapter nine. And I SWEAR Say Anything will soon get an update. Chapter 3 just isn't finished yet because I've been working hard on this :).

**Disclaimer: **Or rather, claimer! The poem/lyrics used in this chapter is mine.

_Chapter 9_

_I Don't See What I Can't Quite Reach_

Ezra huffed for what had to be the tenth time as he shoved the door open to 3B and walked inside. His emotions had yet to compartmentalize, which wasn't helping him at all. He desperately wanted to turn on his heel and punch Ethan in the face for all the things that he had done to hurt him in the last decade. Ezra remembered very clearly how messy his parents divorce had been. He knew it was one of the reasons Ethan had turned so heavily to alcohol, and had nearly lost his job with the NYPD. In one of the last interventions that he was given at work, his bosses threatened his job if he didn't get help. He was on desk duty for almost a year before he was allowed back into the field, but he never returned to the special victims unit.

Ezra walked over to his closet and yanked the door open. He pulled a duffel bag from it and tossed it on the bed before pulling down several shirts and pairs of jeans from hangers. He looked over his shoulder for a brief moment. Ethan was looking around the apartment, though he seemed to stay standing in the same place, next to the couch.

"What do you think?" He asked. He didn't actually care, or at least he tried not to. He wanted nothing more than for his father to leave and have never shown up in the first place. Too many things had happened in the past few years to forgive.

"It's nice," Ethan said. "It's very clear that you live here. All the books, and the paintings. I never got to tell you, but I was proud to hear that you were accepted to Hollis."

Ezra shook his head, stuffing things into his duffel bag before he turned towards his dresser. "I really don't care _what_ you think about me getting into Hollis. I haven't seen you in years, and after the last thing you said to me…" He clenched his jaw, shaking his head again.

Ethan tucked his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. "It was wrong," he said. "**I **was wrong, for the things I said to you, and for not being there for you and Elijah after your mom and I split up. I never should've told you to try harder when I found out you tried to kill yourself. And it's no excuse, but I was so far inside of the bottle at that point, I was sure that I was going to kill _myself_. It was shortly after that, that I was told to either get it together or lose my job. I promised myself that once I got it all together, I'd find you and Elijah and try and fix things." "And how's that working for you?" Ezra asked sarcastically. He picked up a bag off the floor next to his bed and then walked over to his desk and grabbed his laptop from the top of it and it's charger.

"I've seen Elijah a few times," Ethan admitted. "And I'd be lying if I said I haven't avoided Rosewood because I don't know what to say to show you just how sorry I am for what I said. The last thing I would **ever** want is for you to kill yourself."

Ezra laughed at his comment, stuffing his computer into its bag. He added his charger before zipping the bag shut and then walking over to the bathroom and turning on the light inside. He grabbed several toiletries before returning back to his apartment and placing them in his duffel bag. He zipped it shut and then slung both bags onto his shoulder and crossed the room. He grabbed his keys off the counter and looked to Ethan.

"Ready to go?"

Ethan nodded and walked over to the door behind Ezra. He followed him out of the apartment and then looked back and forth up and down the halls as Ezra locked up his apartment. When Ezra turned around, he moved to head towards the end of the hall, and instead ended up bumping into Ethan.

"Look," Ethan said. "I know I screwed up, and I promise I'm going to do everything I can to make up for that. But if there's nothing that will stop me from making sure this guy never touches you again."

Ezra bit his tongue to keep from saying anything as he stared his father down. He desperately wanted to tell his father to stop lying to him, but he could see in his eyes that Ethan was being genuine. He didn't know if that helped him to feel better or irritated him further about the entire situation.

"I never wanted to see you again," Ezra said finally. "**Never.** After that conversation last year, I didn't care if you ended up dead in a ditch. But I swear to God, if anything happens to Elijah or Aria because of this, you're the first person I'm going to blame."

Ethan nodded slowly. "Understood."

Ezra pulled his buzzing phone from his pocket a moment later as it began to play a new ring tone.

"_Mayday, Somebody save me now_

_And I'm closing my eyes_

_Cause once the sun rises, _

_It's out of my hands…" _

He slid the green arrow across his iPhone and brought it up to his ear, smirking at the irony. "Hey. What's up."

"_Are you alright? I keep getting phone calls from everyone telling me to stay in New York because they're worried about __**you**__. Is something going on, Ezra?" _

"I'm just peachy," Ezra replied. "Hanging out with dear old dad as we speak."

"_Dad?" _Elijah replied, surprised.

"I'll explain everything later. Just do what everyone says and stay in New York for now. I'll call you when everything is clear here." Ezra explained. "Just stay safe for now."

"_What the hell do you mean __**safe**__, Ezra! What's going on!" _

Ethan took Ezra's phone from his hand and brought it to his ear. "It's nothing you need to concern yourself with right now, Elijah. Just focus on your studies and making it through finals. Your brother is right. You don't need to focus on what's going on here. Your mother and I will see to it that everything is fine."

With that, he ended the call and passed the phone back to Ezra as they stepped out of the apartment building, into the darkness of the May evening. Ezra stood there on the steps of the building for a few moments. Ethan stopped and turned a few steps ahead of him and turned to look back at him.

"I don't trust you," Ezra said blatantly. "I don't even want anything to do with you." He nodded slowly. "But what you just did for Elijah was good."

_If ever your world starts crashing down_

_Whenever your world starts crashing down_

Aria sunk into the plush couch that sat in the family room of Dr. Sullivan's home. It was a huge house; at least as large as Spencer's parents place. She had changed into an old t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts, but her extended nap with Ezra that afternoon left her too wide awake to sleep at the moment.

Dr. Sullivan walked into the room a moment later as Aria pulled a thin midnight blue fleece blanket with snowflakes printed on it down over her legs. She smiled up at her former therapist as she handed Aria a mug of hot chocolate. Aria took a sip from it and closed her eyes as the warm liquid ran down her throat. Dr. Sullivan sat down on the opposite end of the couch, crossing one leg over the other as she looked around the room.

"Can I ask you something?" Aria murmured.

Dr. Sullivan nodded, smiling at Aria. "Anything."

Aria bit the inside of her cheek nervously for a moment before she settled her cup of cocoa on the table next to her and wrapped her arms around her legs. "It's just that…You don't really seem old enough to have a twenty-two year old son."

Dr. Sullivan chuckled and nodded again. "You're right. Ezra was born when I was 17. Ethan was twenty and working as the assistant varsity volleyball coach at my all-girls high school. We were smitten with each other within weeks." She paused for a moment, pressing her lips together as she recalled memories. "I made some choices that I was probably too young and naïve at the time to make, but I don't regret them, because it gave me Ezra, and then three years later, Elijah."

As Aria listened to her talk, her understanding of everything Ezra had ever told her about his parents seemed to make more sense. She couldn't imagine getting pregnant at her age and getting married. It gave her a sense of understanding as to why Dr. Sullivan and Ethan had cheated on each other in their marriage. Marrying a such a young age hardly left any room for discovery beyond that first real love.

"Can I ask you something else?" Aria said.

Anne laughed. "As I said before: you can ask me anything."

Aria blushed slightly, reaching for her up of cocoa. She held it in her hands and let the heat warm them. "Hardy? I just…" She shook her head. "He's so…" "Opposite?" Dr. Sullivan replied with a chuckle. "I'm very aware. To be honest with you, when I met Mr. Danielson, I was honestly floored by his personality. I've been very lucky with my boys. They were always very quiet and well-mannered. Meeting Hardy was like having a tornado brought into my family. He certainly brought out a louder side in Ezra." "That didn't irritate you?" Aria asked.

Dr. Sullivan shook her head. "Quite the opposite, actually. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love how sweet my sons have always been. But sometimes it seemed as if their enthusiasm for life was contained. Hardy seemed to pull that out of Ezra from the day they met." She took a sip from her own mug of cocoa. "I've seen it happen because of you as well."

"Really?" Aria asked curiously.

Dr. Sullivan nodded again. "I met Jackie a few times while she and Ezra were together, and while I admit he seemed happy with her, it wasn't quite the same as how happy he seems to be with you. I think that Ezra was looking for the same thing that his father and I had thought was right for us, and that he thought that because he had never really had feelings like the ones he had for Jackie, that she had to be 'the one'. The funny thing about the first heartbreak, though, is that it teaches you what you really want. That first relationship is always a whirlwind, and I think a lot of the time, people get it wrong, because they're so taken by what's been put in front of them, that they think that's the best it can possibly get, until they realize it can get better." Aria struggled to keep her smile on her face at Dr. Sullivan's comment about first relationships. She knew the woman was talking about the first time you really fell in love, and Aria could swear up and down that she had loved before, but the truth was that she had never really loved someone as much as she loved Ezra. He was truly her first real love.

"Now, of course," Dr. Sullivan added, patting Aria's knee. "I didn't say _all _first loves don't work out. I think that if it's meant to be; you and Ezra have it in you to see this relationship through."

The weight on her chest lifted as quickly as it had settled there, and Aria smiled once more. She took a large gulp from her cocoa and leaned back into the comforts of the couch.

"So you didn't completely hate Jackie when you met her?" Aria asked.

Dr. Sullivan shook her head. "Hate is a very strong word to use. I'm not sure there's anyone I really hate, other than the man that keeps hurting my son. No, I would say that I didn't entirely care for Ms. Molina. Elijah, on the other hand… He didn't care for her from the start. I suppose he saw what Ezra couldn't. Or maybe he felt like she was taking Ezra away from him. Either way, I don't think Ezra and Jackie were ever meant to last. But then, I suppose we may never really know."

"Not at this rate." Aria looked up towards the doorway that led to the kitchen. Ezra leaned against it. He had changed into a pair of black flannel pajama pants and had a black sweatshirt on as well. Ethan stood next to him.

"Hey," she murmured.

Ezra smiled wearily at her. Dr. Sullivan pushed up from the couch and walked over to Ezra. She pressed a kiss to the side of his forehead and then walked out of the room. Ethan followed slowly behind her.

Aria looked around the room as she took another drink from her cocoa. Pictures of Elijah and Ezra lined the walls, from baby pictures all the way up to Ezra's college graduation. There was no doubting that Ezra and Elijah were the most important things in Dr. Sullivan's life.

Ezra walked over to her and sat down on the couch in the middle seat. Aria finished off her cocoa and then settled her mug on the table next to the couch before shifting on the seat and leaning into Ezra. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head before resting his chin there.

"I always envisioned being in New York when I met your mom," Aria said with a soft laugh. I figured she'd be shorter. And older." Ezra laughed. "A lot of people say that when they meet her. They have different expectations. Jackie was sure I was introducing her to my sister when they met the first time. A lot of my friends have said the same thing over the years. I can't even tell you the hell I went through when I was trying to have sleepovers as a kid." Aria giggled. "I can imagine."

They sat in silence for a few moments before Aria turned and rested her legs in Ezra's lap so that she could see him.

"I'm confused. Back in October, you said you went home to New York to visit your family. But wasn't your mom already here?" Aria said.

Ezra shook his head. "She moved here after I went to New York." He brushed his fingers through her hair, brushing his thumb against her cheek. "When I told you I went looking for another job so that we could be together, it wasn't entirely true. I still was, but I was afraid. Like I told you before, you made me vulnerable. I didn't know what to do, but my mom knew that something had changed. She told me that I needed to prove to myself that I was capable being vulnerable without being hurt. I almost didn't come back, but Elijah convinced her to follow me back, and she decided to stay. We weren't exactly in a position to be explaining our relationship, and telling you _why_ she was here would've opened up a can of worms that I wasn't ready for."

Aria nodded slowly. "Seems a bit weird that she was seeing me as a patient while we were dating."

Ezra shrugged. "She didn't know when she was treating you. She _did, _however, know when she got back to town last month. The plan was to have a meeting after you got back from your class trip."

Aria exhaled a sigh, leaning against the couch. "Everything was supposed to get better after the DC trip. All the fighting was supposed to stop. We were supposed to be happy. And now we're running from a maniac."

Ezra exhaled a long breath and shook his head. "It's not fair to you, I know. If I had known this would happen…" Aria perked up fast, grabbing his face in both her hands. "I don't care about this being _unfair_ to me. What I care about is you being safe. And speaking of safety, I get why you're going to be followed around like the owner of a puppy, but what does any of that have to do with me?"

Ezra shook his head. "I don't know the logistics of it all. Ethan seems to think that your involvement in it all has likely only angered this guy more. You're not an original piece to the puzzle." "But I thought you weren't with Jackie-" "I wasn't," Ezra said. "But we hadn't entirely given up on our relationship yet. Or, at least, I hadn't. Anyway, our relationship was torn apart completely when she didn't believe what had happened. My parents seem to think that this guy already knows that you know about everything, and because we're still together, they think he won't hesitate to try and hurt you if he needs to. Something to do with the fact that he sees me as a possession. You being in the middle messes with that. I guarantee you there's probably nothing this guy hates more than the fact that you're in the middle of it all, because you've probably screwed his plans more than once. The only thing that _**I**_ don't understand is why he didn't do anything while you were in DC. And I'm sure it's all part of his sick little game."

_She falls asleep and all she thinks about is you_

_She falls asleep and all she dreams about is you_

Ezra settled into a crimson chair that rested in bedroom he and Aria were staying in. It was the bedroom he had chosen for himself shortly after Anne had bought the house in Rosewood. He'd only stayed there on a handful of occasions, but there were plenty of books there already. It was also a place he trusted enough to leave anything related to all the things that had happened in his senior year of college. He knew that his mother was the one person he could trust to keep all of his secrets without actually knowing them.

He exhaled a long breath as he looked over at Aria. She was stretched out on the full-sized bed in the middle of the room. It was the same bed that he had slept in for over a decade when he was growing up in New York. Or rather, the black bed frame was. The mattress and box spring were relatively new.

The chair he sat in was something that came from his maternal grandparents. They had bought it for Anne when she and Ethan moved into a townhouse apartment, and it had been an antique from the nineteen-twenties that they had reupholstered and back into working shape. It was a large rocker with a low back and wide seat.

He turned open the journal he held in his hand and ran his fingers down the page. The only light that shone in the room was from a small desk lamp a few inches away, with a red light bulb. It had been in the lamp from the time he bought it a few months earlier, but he generally used it only for the purpose of managing to bring just enough light to read in the chair without lighting the entire room.

The journal he held was the one that held all his entries from the second semester of his senior year of college. He brushed his fingers over the date in the corner of the page he was looking at. It was the last entry he had made before his whole world came apart at the seams.

_**February 14**__**th**__**, 2010**_

_I spent tonight with Hardy and Jackie at Snookers. They had this ridiculous couples party tonight, and Jackie was less than pleased with me. I was really late, but I had to get that article typed up and sent to copy for Monday's release. I don't know much about these guys getting jumped, but I sure as hell hope they catch whoever it is sometime soon. It seems like whoever it is, is getting closer to our circle. I'd hate to see anyone I know affected by any of this. _

He had read that entry over and over to himself so many times in the past year. He'd read it the day he found out he got the job at Rosewood. The day he found out Aria was his student. The day before he went back to Rosewood after running away. Almost every major moment in the past year had culminated in him reading these entries and recalling where his life had been when he wrote them.

_**February 25**__**th**__**, 2010**_

_I keep looking for the right words to write, and yet they don't seem to be coming together. I was SO sure of who I was three days ago. Now I don't know what the hell to do. I can't tell Hardy. I can't tell my parents. I'm so sick of myself and my own head. I haven't even touched the homework I've got from the last few days. Why should I? What the hell is the meaning of any of this anymore anyway? _

_I don't know how to __**not**__ be sickened by all of this. Hardy found a condom when he got back on Sunday, and I don't know if I can explain that it's not what he thinks. I don't know if I can ever explain to anyone any of this._

He looked up across the room and watched as Aria's chest rose and fell while she slept. He had to wonder if she knew how comforting it was to have her there, even when her whole world was crashing at her feet. For as much as Jackie might try, she was never going to get high enough on his list of priorities again. He believed for years that she was who he was meant to be with. But then he met Aria, and she was everything he had found in Jackie and more. It made him realize all the things he was missing because he refused to let go of what had been in front of him. He knew that there was a high chance that one day Aria was going to want to find out if there was something else out there besides him; that she would want to be absolutely sure she was making he right choice, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Aria was who he was truly meant to be with, so if he had to, he would wait.

His phone buzzed in the pocket of his sweatshirt. He pulled it out and pushed the slide button across the screen and then opened the new message. It was a new thread from Jackie.

**What happened? I thought we were**

**Going to meet at your apartment?**

Ezra tapped the small white bubble at the bottom of the screen and waited for the keyboard to pop up. A moment later, he began to let his fingers drift over the screen, typing back a message.

**New developments. Ethan's in town.**

**It's late. I'll be at Hollis in the morning.**

He turned the page and then paused. The writing on the page was the lowest he had ever gotten. It was after he had told Hardy about what had happened, but before he told his mother. His whole world had started pulling apart at the seams and he had no idea what to do about any of it. It was just before he'd taken off to New York and nearly killed himself.

_I live inside a hell  
><em>_That was never given a name  
><em>_Every day it goes on  
><em>_Every day it's another game_

_I live inside a hell  
><em>_That twists and turns each day  
><em>_I'm walking without help  
><em>_Like walking through a mirror maze_

_I live inside a hell  
><em>_Where no one understands  
><em>_There's not a hand to grab  
><em>_There isn't anywhere to land_

_I live inside a hell  
><em>_And I just want to run away  
><em>_But there's no one to talk to  
><em>_And no one to tell me it's okay_

_I live inside a hell  
><em>_Filled with false promises of hope  
><em>_When the day goes on  
><em>_There's still nowhere to go_

_I signed a deal with the devil  
><em>_At some point in my life,  
><em>_Because I live inside a hell  
><em>_That takes away every breath_

_I live inside a hell  
><em>_Where I scream out with no name  
><em>_There is nothing here to help me  
><em>_I'm stuck inside a game_

_I live inside a hell  
><em>_Where I only pray to sleep  
><em>_Because the light of day  
><em>_Only makes me weep_

_I live inside a hell  
><em>_Where everyone is right  
><em>_But still I fall to the ground  
><em>_And I cant seem to escape_

_I live inside a hell__Where it storms all the time  
><em>_And a cloud hangs over head  
><em>_Following wherever I lay_

_I live inside a hell  
><em>_From which I cannot get away  
><em>_Another day goes on  
><em>_Another day, I must stay_

_I live inside a hell  
><em>_Where no one I can invite  
><em>_Stuck here on my own  
><em>_Someone give me flight_

_I live inside a hell  
><em>_Where there's voices in my head  
><em>_Telling me to give up  
><em>_Just lay down and go to bed_

_I live inside a hell  
><em>_A hell that has no name  
><em>_I live inside a hell  
><em>_And everything is always the same_

He closed the journal and settled it up on the table, pulling the blanket on him closer around his body. Aria stirred for a brief moment on the bed and then settled once more.

"Still awake?" Ezra looked over his shoulder, and forced a smile as Anne leaned against the doorway.

"I never really do sleep much anymore," he murmured. "At least, not what you can actually _constitute _as resting."

"Not even when she's with you?" Anne asked as she pointed towards Aria.

Ezra shrugged. "She helps, but she doesn't really stop the nightmares. She has enough of her own as it is. She doesn't need me adding to it."

"Have you considered the idea that you wouldn't be adding to her problems? Maybe you two can help each other." Anne said.

Ezra narrowed his eyes at her. "Don't they call that codependency in your field?"

"Victims can help each other without becoming codependent," Anne told him. "C'mon hon. I'll make some tea."

Ezra exhaled a weary sigh and pushed up out of the seat, pulling the blanket he'd covered up with up with him. It was the same blanket Aria had been using out in the sitting room, and it was his. It was a blanket his parents had gotten him for Christmas right before they split up.

He walked out of the bedroom and followed Anne down the hall into the kitchen. He sat down on a barstool at the counter while she started the preparations for coffee.

"So why aren't **you** sleeping?" Ezra asked as he attempted to itch under his cast. Anne grabbed a butter knife from the drying rack and passed it to him. He smiled thankfully at her before gently pushing it a few inches under his cast and carefully moving it back and forth. He let out a sigh of relief as a reprieve from the itching came over him.

Anne chuckled as she settled the teapot on the stove and turned one of the knob. The electric heating base took on an orange tint as it started to warm. She turned back around and settled two teacups on the counter with saucers and then walked over to the fridge and opened it. She retrieved the milk and poured a small amount into each cup. She placed the carton back into the fridge and turned back to Ezra.

"You know I don't sleep when I'm worried," She said softly as she rested her hands over his.

"Elijah is safe in New York, and I'm not going anywhere until morning," Ezra said. "Nothing to be worried about."

"My son is being stalked by a psycho who wants to use him as a toy, and possibly kill one of my former patients in the meantime. I hoped when things suddenly changed last year after you came back to Rosewood, that it was because this guy had either been in some sort of accident or gotten arrested. The fact that he probably hasn't and is waiting in the wings to get to you at the perfect chance is making me absolutely crazy." Anne explained.

Ezra yawned as he settled the butter knife on the counter and then lifted his arm up and rested his elbow on the counter, dropping his head into his hand. "Worrying isn't going to stop him from turning up. Hell, if he knows, he'll probably enjoy it that much more. Right?" Anne grimaced. "I'm trying not to think too much of it."

"Good." She tilted her head to the side and Ezra turned in his seat. From the other side of the room, Ethan emerged from a short hallway that led to the other two bedrooms in the house. He was dressed similarly to Ezra in a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. He crossed the room and came to lean against the counter a few inches away from Ezra.

"Good?" Ezra repeated in an inquiring manner.

"Yes," Elijah murmured with a nod. "Good."

"Tea, Ethan?"

Ethan nodded again. "With-"

"A teaspoon of honey," Anne finished as she retrieved another saucer and teacup. She settled them on the counter in front of Ethan and then retrieved honey from a cupboard and poured a small amount into the cup. The teapot began to sing as she placed the honey back in the cupboard. She turned off the stove and then grabbed the teapot and poured the water into each of the glasses. Ezra and Ethan each grabbed a teabag from a small box resting on the counter and dropped them into the teacups.

"Thank you, Anne." He turned his attention to Ezra. "You two don't need to be worrying about what _might _happen. It's going to make you too careful, which is going to make you reckless. You'll get it in your head that being too careful is stupid, and then you'll start doing things that you shouldn't, and that's going to put you **right** where he wants you."

"So instead you're going to follow me around like a puppy and try and seek this guy out," Ezra questioned sarcastically. "How fun." "It's not **fun** watching you suffer like this, EJ. I just want you and Elijah safe. So drink your tea and go to sleep. I should imagine that we're all going to be sick of each other in a matter of twenty four hours or so, and the last thing any of us needs is to be cranky _and _exhausted."

"There's the Ethan Fitz I know," Ezra said sardonically. "Dishing out orders like a sergeant." Anne squeezed Ezra's hands. "He's right, hon. Get some sleep. You're going to collapse one of these days if you don't."

"I'm _fine_," Ezra insisted as he picked up his teacup and took a sip from it.

Anne chuckled, patting Ezra's left hand. "You could probably get away with lying if you didn't work with your girlfriend's father. We had a long enough discussion before you showed up at the Montgomery home this evening for me to know how many times you've almost passed out from exhaustion, and how you fell asleep in his car a few days ago. So please, if nothing else, take care of yourself. I'd like to still have two sons when all of this is said and done."


	10. Waiting For Rain As I Stand In The Deser

_Chapter 10_

_Waiting For Rain As I Stand In The Desert_

Ezra sighed as he pushed papers together on his desk on the floor of his lecture hall. Ethan was seated in a chair in the top row on the other side of the room, scribbling notes down into a notebook, though Ezra was sure they weren't notes about what he'd been teaching. He sat down in the chair at his desk and rested his head against the palm of his hand. He wasn't going to give his parents the satisfaction of knowing it, but his exhaustion was certainly starting to get the best of him.

"Ezra?"

He looked up towards the door. Byron was standing there holding an armful of books and papers.

"What's up?"

"Two PM meeting for the English department," Byron said.

"Really?" Ezra whined. He exhaled a heavy breath and pushed up out of his seat before moving papers around on the desk again, trying to pull everything together. He finished settling papers back into their perspective folders and then picked them up off the desk and headed over to the door. He had half a mind to leave Ethan sitting in the class room and not tell him where he was going, but as he moved to cross through the doorway, Ethan spoke.

"Going to leave me here all alone? I'm not going to disappear that easily, EJ."

Ezra rolled his eyes, turning to look back up at his father. "I am **seriously** annoyed by the fact that you keep calling me that. I'm **not** a kid anymore, and you really haven't done anything to actually _prove_ that you want to attempt to be a parent again." He took on a perplexed expression. "So, I'm gonna work. Maybe you should attempt to do that too."

Ezra followed Byron down the hall. They stopped off at his office long enough for him to drop his class notes off and grab a notebook and legal pad before he and Byron headed down towards the conference rooms in the English department. They barely had five minutes before the meeting was going to start.

"Have you eaten anything yet today?" Byron asked as they passed vending machines.

Ezra shrugged. "Not all that hungry at the moment."

Before Byron could lay into him like his parents had been, he walked into the conference room and took a seat between the Western Lit professor and a woman who was teaching a course in expository writing. The meeting started a few minutes later, once everyone had settled into chairs and the dean of the department took his place at the head of the table. Carafes sat on several parts of the table, and in front of each seat, glasses had been filled with water. There were also cold cuts laid out on plates across the table. Ezra scrawled the date across the top of his legal pad and then leaned forward and grabbed his glass. He took a long drink from it and then leaned back in his chair.

_-  
>When I fall asleep I feel you with me<br>-_

Aria dropped into a desk in the front row of her mother's classroom and crossed her arms, pouting. She had a feeling that this requirement of constantly having to be in the same place as one of the adults was going to grow old quickly. She was already getting bored with it.

Ella looked up from the paper she was grading and frowned. "I told you to bring a book. We're going to be here at _least _until five." "Can't I just have Spencer drop me off at Hollis?" Aria whined. "I've spent so much time studying at home, I feel like my head is going to explode if I study any more."

"Aria, Dr. Sullivan, Ethan, your father and I all agree on the fact that we want you and Ezra kept safe. I realize that the major reason we're doing this is because we want to keep Ezra safe, but we want to keep you safe too. I know nothing compared to Dr. Sullivan and Ezra's father, but to the best of my knowledge, an opportunistic rapist will probably strike again given another **opportunity**."

"Fine." Aria said sternly. "Then can I at least go get a book from the library?" She looked out into the hallway and then whipped her head back around fast. "Spencer's right out in the hallway. I'll walk over and back with her. _Please?_"

Ella pursed her lips for a brief moment and stared Aria down for a few minutes before nodding. "Fine. Do it quickly."

Aria shot up out of her seat and grabbed her bag from the floor. She dashed out into the hall, over to Spencer. Spencer shut her locker and turned to face Aria.

"What's up?"

Aria sighed. "Under house arrest." She leaned back against the lockers and crossed her arms. "You know, you'd think I would _enjoy_ spending unlimited time with Ezra, but all I really want is to not have to spend every single moment under somebody's watch. It's barely been sixteen hours and I'm sick of it."

Spencer chuckled sympathetically. "Isn't it better than the alternative?"

Aria's pout returned to her face. "I don't like either option. Let me phone a friend for option C."

Spencer laughed. "Didn't I hear you say something to your mom about going to the library? Let's go. I've got four hours of studying to do_ before _I do my homework."

Aria scowled at Spencer as she pushed off from the lockers and they headed down the hall towards the library. They entered the room a few moments later and Aria headed off for the fiction novels.

She perused the shelves for a while, searching for a specific book. Spencer followed a few steps behind her and tapped quietly on her phone as Aria ran a finger over spines of books, searching for the right label to the book she wanted.

Time wasn't high on Aria's priority list as she turned the corner to the other side of the shelf and continued through the alphabet of authors names. Spencer followed after her, continuing to keep her attention on her phone. When she bumped into Aria, Aria looked up at her.

"Okay, I know you and your phone share an invisible tether, but it's never like this," she said. "What's up?" Spencer shook her head. "It's… can you just hurry?" Aria crossed her arms again. "Spencer, what's wrong?"

"Melissa has been having early labor pains all day. She's been in the hospital since noon. My parents told me to stay through the end of the day." Spencer said.

Aria's eyes grew wide. "What? Spencer, go!"

"But you-"

"I'll be **fine**," Aria insisted. "My parents are more worried about me than they need to be. **Go**. And call me when you know something."

Spencer nodded. Aria hugged her tightly for a few moments, and then released her. She watched as Spencer headed towards the exit, and then turned her attention back to the books. Her eyes flitted over the titles, and a moment later, she found it. _Free Fall, _one of her favorite books. It was the follow-up to a book whose plot a man and a woman who shared a child together. In the first book, their shared daughter brought them back together after five years and pulled them away from their 'second choices' and back to each other. _Free Fall _was supposed follow them as they continued repairing their relationship, and dealt with the fallout ending the relationships they'd been in when they had come back into each other's lives.

The first book had come out after Ezra had come back from New York, and Aria had enjoyed the irony of how it seemed to draw symmetry to her own life. While they didn't have any children, there was certainly a push-pull element to their relationship. He tried to push her away to Noel, and then when he came to his senses, he had to pull her back in.

When the second had come out just after she and Ezra had told her parents about their relationship, Aria was sure someone was reading her journal, as all the elements in the book character's lives tried to pull them apart, but they persevered. It had been a quote from the book that had driven Aria to tell Ezra that they needed to fight harder for their relationship.

"_**What worth is there in the trying, if you give up on it when it gets too hard?" **__Aria looked up at Ezra as she closed the book and rested it in her lap. "I keep reading that over and over, and it's not making me feel any better, Ezra. Are we __**really**__ going to throw in the towel now because my parents told us no?" Ezra shook his head at her, as he stopped pacing and turned to face her. "Your father threatened to call the police, Aria!" He breathed several heavy breaths, trying to get past the knot tightening in his throat. He walked over to her and squatted down in front of her, resting his hands on her knees. "I __**want**__ to be with you, Aria. But at the cost of my job? My reputation?" _

_Aria settled her book beside her and leaned forward, cupping her hands around his face. Tears brimmed her eyelids as she rested her head against his. "I don't want to __**try**__ to get my parents to listen. I want to __**make**__ them listen. Force them to come down to our level and listen, whether they want to or not. _

_Ezra laughed once. "What's the worth in trying if you give up when it gets too hard?" Aria smiled. "Exactly." _

She walked out of the library with the book in hand and flipped the book open as she made her way towards her mother's classroom. The school was pretty empty, except for kids who were staying after for tutoring and extra-curricular activities. For the most part, the school was silent, except for the cafeteria and the gymnasium.

She turned the pages over until she found the page she was looking for. She already owned the book, but she doubted her parents would be going home until all of this blew over, and she didn't want to be without her favourite book. As she found the page, the lighting on the book became dark and then before she knew it, she had stumbled backwards and hit the floor.

"I'm so sorry," she said, rushed. She reached forward and grabbed her book. A hand extended to her.

"No, I am." Her head suddenly whipped up, and she attempted to pull her hand back as she came to stand on both her feet. She tried once again to pull her arm free, but Grady's grip held on hers. She shuddered as he tauntingly backed her up against a wall.

"We need to talk," he said mockingly. "The things you're saying are _really _affecting my life right now."

_Aria stumbled over her feet and laughed as she gripped the railing of the winding staircase in Spencer's home. Her parents were out of town and she had decided to throw a small get-together. Of course, because they were in high school, the small get-together had quickly turned into a crazy party, and while she wasn't trashed, she was definitely tipsy. _

"_C'mon Aria. Let's get you out of here." Her head spun as she looked up at the tuft of curly black hair and brown eyes she'd known since her first day of preschool. "Holden, you can't leave, but __**I**__ should. I'm so late for my date." _

_"I'll get you home." _

"You're sick," she growled. She shoved him forward and started heading down the hall again. She only made it five or so feet though, when he grabbed her arm and spun her around. He clapped his hands down on her biceps and grasped hard. He was at least a foot taller than her and towered over her. Aria cowered as she started to tremble under his grip.

"Tempt me, Montgomery," he seethed. "I'll do it again."

"Do what again?"

Aria popped her head around Grady's shoulder and spotted Mrs. Welsh. But before she could say anything, he was twisting a story about someone bullying her and making himself look like the hero. The mere idea of the story he was spinning made her sick to her stomach, but she didn't waste her time waiting around. She beat-foot it into her mother's classroom and then slammed the door shut behind her.

_-  
>Lift it up like a banner<br>__Hold it up over me  
>-<em>

Aria stared out the window as she rocked back and forth in the rocking chair in Ezra's bedroom. Her history textbook rested in her lap, but she wasn't actually reading anything in it. She hated being stuck constantly around adults, but Grady's words were clear in her head. For the first time in days, she understood the fear that coursed through Ezra with the knowledge that his attacker was still out there somewhere.

And sure, Mrs. Welsh had seen them in the hallway, but the stories around school were wildly misconstrued. Most of the student body bought his version because he was friends with Noel and Sean. Aria hated it, but she knew that when they went to trial, evidence would stand up better than his lies would.

She looked over to the bed where Ezra was curled up into the blankets. She knew he had been watching her the night before when she slept because he had told her, but she hated knowing that he was so physically exhausted that he could barely make it through a day.

She closed her history book and leaned forward, resting it on the desk before she got up and walked over the bed. She rested a knee onto the mattress and then crawled onto it and laid down. She rested her head on the crook of Ezra's arm and snuggled up against his body before closing her eyes. He groaned wearily; he'd only been asleep for forty minutes or so. His eyes fluttered for a brief moment as he looked down at her and then closed his eyes again as he wrapped his arm around her.

"Okay?" He murmured.

Aria nodded, pressing her face into his chest. She breathed in his smell and let it comfort her as she laid there in his arms. His breathing grew shallower as he drifted back to sleep, and she turned her head slightly. She rested her head against his chest and listened to his heart thump softly while her fingers traced small circles.

"_When are you going to get it through your head that I __**meant**__ it when I said I would go to the police?" Byron's voice boomed in Aria's ears as she stood next to Ezra. Her hand was wrapped tightly in his, and he was as determined to refuse understanding now as he had been two weeks ago. Tears made slow paths down her cheeks as she looked up at Ezra. He breathed shakily and nodded. _

"_You want me to leave, but your daughter said something to me, and she was right. When we came to you before, I tried to level with __**you**__ and listen to your opinions." Ezra looked down at Aria and then back up at Byron. "Now I'm going to make you listen to me."_

_Aria looked to her mother as she stood next to Byron. While he looked as if there was no changing his mind, there was conflict in Ella's eyes. She could see how this truly affected Aria. _

_"I tried to do things your way, and I know you and your wife want to brush this all under the rug. __**But I can't. **__No matter how hard I try not to, I love your daughter. Not because of the fact that she makes me happy, or makes things feel more real than they've felt in longer than I can remember...Aria saved my life, in more ways then I'll probably ever be able to explain to you." _

Aria awoke to the sound of something loud slamming. She jumped into a seated position on the bed, and Ezra's arm fell from where it had rested across her ribs to her lap. He groaned and pulled his other arm down from over his eyes and looked over towards the door.

"What _was _that," he murmured.

Suddenly Byron appeared in the doorway with a smile on his face. Ella stumbled into him a moment later, smiling as well. "Sorry about that! We'll be quieter!"

Aria rolled her eyes and dropped back against the bed as Ezra covered his eyes again. They laid in silence for a while as they both slowly started to wake up. She wasn't sure how long she'd been sleep, but it couldn't have been more than half an hour or so, because the sun was only starting to set. She looked over towards Ezra and brushed her thumb against his jaw. He groaned softly and moved his arm up behind his head so that he could see her.

"You sleep okay?" He asked.

Aria shrugged. "I barely got to sleep."

Ezra moved his arm around her head and brushed strands of her hair off her face. "How was school?"

Aria looked down at her hands as she lifted them up to pick at her nails. "It was alright. Nothing too special happened."

"Really?" He asked, shaking his head as he narrowed his eyes at her. "That guy didn't corner you in the hallway?"

Aria rolled her eyes. "How did you find out?"

Ezra chuckled and pointed his eyes towards the doorway. "The parents talk. Specifically outside my office, when they think I'm sleeping. I overheard your dad telling Ethan about it. If wasn't pretending to rest, I probably would've jumped up and hunted the kid's address down."

"Please don't," Aria begged. She turned over on the bed and rested her upper arm on the bed, letting her fingers dig into her hair while her other hand rested on his chest. "The last thing we need is more trouble."

"_Maybe someone should wake the children and tell them dinner is ready!" _

Aria and Ezra shared a glance and they both giggled before moving off the bed. Aria walked out of the room first and Ezra followed after her, slipping his arma round her waist as they walked down the hall and into the kitchen.

"C'mon outside you two," Ethan said cheerfully. "It's beautiful out here."

They crossed past the kitchen counter and walked out to the backyard. If the size and beauty of the inside of Anne's home was any indication, the outside was just as beautiful. It arced out in a wide half-circle that was entirely landscaped. The backyard was separated from other homes by elm and pine trees that were at least twice the size of the three men.

Byron held a glass of scotch in his hand as they all stood outside the home, while everyone else had water or soda. Steaks were finishing up on the grill, and Anne occasionally stepped inside to check on potatoes she was cooking. The mood was light and wildly different from the atmosphere that had surrounded them all for the last twenty-four hours. There was a comfort in the chatter, instead of fear and discomfort.

Eventually, they all settled at a picnic table on the large deck that sat outside of Anne's home for dinner. Aria end Ezra sat side by side, while Ella and Byron sat between Anne and Ethan. Conversation was still light and unfocused. It shifted continuously from Rosewood Day to Hollis, to things that seemed entirely irrelevant.

By the time the sun had finally fallen under the horizon, they were all sated in ways of food, and conversation had slowed some. Aria and Ezra stuck to their general picking at their food, though they both seemed to eat more than usual.

Ezra pushed up from the table first, taking everyone's plates into a stack and carrying them inside of the house. Aria watched as he walked over to the dish washer and loaded the dishes into it, one by one. She pushed up from the table as well as the conversation among their parents shifted to a more serious manner, and they started talking about Grady and Ezra's unnamed assailant.

She walked into the house and leaned against the counter as Ezra pushed the dishwasher door shut and stood up straight. He turned around and filled a glass with water before taking a drink from it.

"I'm _extremely _bored," he said honestly.

Aria giggled. "Me too. Your mom's got a great house here, but-""It's not home," he finished for her. "Although, I'm not sure I'm staying in that apartment after all of this is said and done. I haven't signed a new lease yet, and I'm not risking staying in that place if he knows I live there."

Aria rested her chin on her knuckles, furrowing her brow. "Where will you go?"

Ezra shrugged. "I'll probably stay here for a few weeks while I find a new apartment somewhere in the city. Maybe Philadelphia. It's only a 20 minute drive."

"But-"

Ezra shook his head. "I _know_ we've talked about New York, and LA and Seattle, and a dozen other cities, but that's next year, and it's a long way off from college acceptance letters. For now, I need to find somewhere that is actually in Rosewood, but close enough that I don't have to quit my job."

He settled his glass of water on the counter and then reached over and pulled her hands out from under her chin, squeezing them lightly in his own. "I'm **not** leaving. We didn't fight for our relationship as hard as we did just to lose it like this."

_Aria squeezed Ezra's hand tightly in her own as the silence between them and her parents wavered on. She was entirely grateful that Mike was out of the house with friends._

"_You," Byron finally said, pointing to Ezra. "Outside." He pointed towards the sliding doors in the kitchen that led out to the back yard._

_Aria gulped as Ezra looked down at her and gently released her hand. He took several steps forward before she wrapped her hand around his bicep and pulled. He looked back at her, but her eyes turned towards her father. _

"_**Don't**__ hurt him."_

_Ezra pushed her hand off of his arm and walked out of the house, closely followed by Byron. Aria turned towards her mother. Ella hadn't moved much or spoken since Ezra had insisted that they listen. _

"_Mom-"Ella raised a hand to Aria as a dozen thoughts rushed through the older woman's mind, from the initial conversation they'd had after Ezra had come to them the first time, to the argument that was had the next morning, and all the conversations she'd had with Byron since._

"_So this thing that's been going on with Holden the last few days," she said. "He's known about this?" _

_Aria started picking at the bright blue nail polish on her nails. She opened her mouth to say something, but there was only thing that made sense. She'd said it before and yet it seemed that every time she tried, she was shot down. But she had to keep what she'd said to Ezra at the front of her mind. _

"_I love him, mom. Not this stupid, childish, brainwashed way that you and Dad think, but real __**honest**__ love." She whimpered and tears fell from her eyes. "I just want to be with him, mom. And I know it doesn't look right, but-" _

"_But __**nothing**__, Aria," Ella said firmly, shaking her hands at her. "It doesn't look right because it __**isn't**__ right." _

_Aria crossed her arms over her body. "I won't give up, mom. I can't give up just because it's hard now." _

_Ella narrowed her eyes at Aria. "Because it's hard __**now**__? Has it really been that easy up to now? Aria, your father and I are trying to save you- hell, we're even trying to save Ezra, from a __**world**__ of pain." _

"_I'm __**not**__ hurting mom!" She cried. "At least because he's hurting me. What's hurting me is you and dad keeping us apart. And if you keep doing it, we're just going to keep finding ways to see each other."_

_Ella shook her head at Aria. "You're really going to fight your father and I like this?" _

"_I'll do whatever it takes to be with him," Aria replied. _

"What's that you're reading?" Ella asked.

Aria looked up at her briefly and then held up the book. Ella chuckled.

"I thought your and Ezra's thing was old novels." Her mother said as she crossed the room. She sat down on the couch next to Aria and passed her a cup of tea. Aria took a sip and then settled it on the table nearby.

"I **love** _To Kill A Mockingbird _and _Sense and Sensibility _is still my favourite, but something about these books…" She looked up at Ella. "Their determination to fight for each other and make it work, even when everything has pulled them apart. Something about it just gets in my head."

"Familiarity?" Ella chuckled, taking a sip from her tea. "I read the original novel shortly after you bought it. You left it in class, remember?"

Aria nodded. It had been right after her mother had been hired on at Rosewood Day as a substitute. "And what did _you_ think?"

Ella shrugged. "I remember after you and Ezra came to your father and I the second time, I saw you had that book on your desk, and it was open." "To what page?" Aria asked.

Ella offered her hand, and Aria passed the book to her mother. Ella flipped through the book and then stopped a few pages too far and flipped backwards. She began to read.

"'_Your parents will never change their minds,' Riley said incessantly. 'Too much time has passed, and you've had to deal with too much because of me. It'll never change.'_

But its this part," Ella said. "Under it, highlighted in blue." She looked over at Aria. "It was this."

Aria smiled. Her favourite part.

"'_Pessimism never won a war,' Devon replied. 'And I thought you were willing to do whatever it took?' _

'_I AM,' Riley insisted. 'But-' _

'_Then __**but**__ nothing. What's the worth in trying, if you get up as soon it gets too hard, Riley?'_

_An unwavering silence fell between them, until finally, Devon spoke once more. _

'_I'm not giving up on this — us. What we have means everything to me, and I'm not going to let people pull us apart because they don't understand.'"_

Ella passed the book back to Aria with a smile. "Something tells me that's your favourite part of the book."

She shrugged slightly, turning the book back to the page she'd been on. "It's among them. I swear it wasn't planted-"Ella shook her head. "No, Aria, I would never say that. But I saw how you had that line underlined and then circled in pen, and I realized what it must mean to you. It's why I went to Ezra before you father did. Why I changed my mind sooner."

Aria bit down on her bottom lip as she set the book on the table next to her and grabbed her cup of tea. She shifted on the couch so that her back faced the corner of it and looked back up at Ella. "Did finding out about what happened to him make you and dad change your minds?"

Ella smiled sadly. "Her certainly does believe that, doesn't he?"

Aria nodded. "I think he feels like its unfair if you judged him because he thinks you and dad see him as damaged now."

Ella shook her head. "That is not how we see _either_ of you. And if I'm being honest, I think if your father and I had known about Ezra's past when we found out you two were dating, we would've been more scared than anything. Especially if we had known that he wasn't dealing with it. Things like that eat away at a person in the worst way. I would've hated to have had to see you go through losing him over something caused by all of that."

"I was scared."Ella and Aria looked up. Ezra was standing in the doorway with his hands tucked in his pockets. He pressed his lips together in a thin line and then bit his tongue for a moment, nodding.

"I was terrified, actually," he continued. "I think in the back of my mind, I knew he was still out there, and talking about it makes it real. If I didn't have to talk about it, then I didn't have to deal with any of it, and I could sweep it under a rug. With Aria, I could be someone else; someone who wasn't who I used to be, and someone who _wasn't _one of the students attacked by the campus rapist. Every day got a little easier, and I stuffed it a little further down."He paused for a moment, staring down at the floor. "And then you were walking through the door at your house, and I knew everything before you even said it, and we were at the hospital _in that room_…"

"But it was never your fault," Anne spoke from behind him.

Ezra shook his head, though he didn't look up. There were a few tense moments of silence. Finally, Ella spoke.

"C'mon children. Let's get you tucked into bed."Ezra chuckled softly, slowly lifting his head up to look Aria. "We better shoo so the adults can talk."

She pushed up off the couch and grabbd her tea. Both Aria and Ezra said their good nights to their parents and then walked off towards Ezra's bedroom. They each climbed onto the bed and snuggled down under the blankets, but sleep didn't come easy. They both could tell that it wasn't going to be an restful night.

Aria rested her head on Ezra's chest, rubbing his back under his shirt as they laid there, talking quietly.

"Do you think this will be over soon?"

He shrugged, running his fingers lazily through her hair. "I hope so. My father seems to think that if the guy is still out there, he'll do something before the end of the year. Says he won't be able to resist it. "

Aria tilted her head up and looked up at him. "Does that scare you?"

"It terrifies me," he said honestly. "I mean, you know how they always tell you that you'd never let it happen again, given the choice? How some people go catatonic and block everything out, but therapists always tell you fight or flight will kick in, and you'll do everything you can to make sure it never happens again?"

Aria nodded.

"It doesn't take that long for a repeat offender to make you feel like it's your fault that things keep happnening to you. And even with our fathers at Hollis…" Ezra shook his head, staring off at a random spot on the wall. "I can't help but think that this guy is going to strike when I least expect it."


	11. Now You're Just Somebody That I Used To

**A/N: **I keep getting messages about my tumblr not working, and I never thought to mention this: I changed my screen name. It's now** lucyygooseshmianharding**. In other news, I also got questions about the book Aria was reading in chapter 10. Is it real… Um well it's not published, but it's not nonexistent. In all technicality, it's my story. Let You Go (The story before Free Fall) was written by me last year for NaNoWriMo (national novel writing month for those of you who don't know. I competed last year and won with LYG). I intended to edit it and then start writing Free Fall a few months later. So if you're asking yourself if you can read this story…. Let me know if you want to read Let You Go. Free Fall hasn't even been started. And if you're asking yourself why? 40 Days And Counting was given that attention. And then Lost That War. And now it's LTW, Say Anything and Heartbeat. My year is pretty much booked solid in terms of writing. I've got so much writing to do, plus the stories I **WANT** to write.

…And in the off time, I still squeeze in time to play Angry Birds. That said…

_Chapter 11_

_Now You're Just Somebody That I Used To Know_

Ezra pushed his spoon around in his coffee cup as he stared across the booth at Aria. A light smirk played on his face.

"We're going to get in so much trouble for this," she said, settling her starbucks cup down on the table.

Ezra shrugged. "We're out in public. The only other place we'll be besides the house is my car. And I was going **nuts** sitting there with nothing to do. It's not like they'll miss us anyway. My father's in Philadelphia, and the other three adults are in meetings until 5 PM. What else were we supposed to do? Sit in front of the TV and knit?"

Aria giggled. "You don't knit." "I would if my mother had anything to say about it," Ezra said.

This was their pathetic attempt at staging somewhat of a coup. As Ezra had stated, each of the parents was involved in something that was keeping them away from Dr. Sullivan's home. Ezra had been 'ordered' to pick Aria up from Rosewood Day and then take her back to the house. That's what they were _supposed_ to do. Instead, they had decided to get coffee and enjoy as much of the outside world as they could before 4:45. Ella and Dr. Sullivan's meetings were both over at 5 PM, and Ezra and Aria had no intention of getting caught breaking the rules.

Ezra took a gulp from his latte and pulled his phone free from his pocket as it began to ring.

"_Mayday, somebody save me now  
><em>_And I'm closing-"_

Ezra furrowed his brow as he opened the new text message and read it. A moment later his eyes grew wide and he looked up at Aria.

"We have to leave. Right now."

Aria raised an eyebrow at him. "What? I thought we were staging a coup d'état!"

Ezra chuckled, grabbing his coffee with his free hand. "We were, until Elijah decided to drive down from New York and crash the party."

Aria's eyes popped. "Your brother? Mr. Super-genius–"

"Fitz family extraordinaire, determined to defeat every record I've managed to set in this family? Yep, that's the one," Ezra finished. "C'mon, we gotta _go." _

Aria pouted as she moved out of booth and followed Ezra out of the coffee shop. They got into his car and he started it while pulling his phone free from his pocket as it rang again. He slid the arrow over on the screen and lifted it up to his ear.

"I'm driving back _right _now. Give me five minutes-" He shoved his keys into the ignition and rolled his eyes, laughing as Elijah growled at him from the other side of the line.

"That's a _great _question. I'm leaving starbucks right now. I'll- yes. Five minutes."

He rested his phone in the dash and pulled his seatbelt on before pulling out of the parking space. Aria eyed him curiously as he continued to chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

Ezra shook his head, turning the steering wheel as they pulled out onto the road. "Elijah was complaining about no one being at the house, and asked me who takes their house keys to college."

Aria stared at him as if she was questioning whether he was serious. She chuckled a moment later.

"It's a _logical_ question," Ezra laughed. "I didn't bring keys with me when I came up here for school, and I never got locked out. I always made sure there was a spare key in my glove box, though."

True to his word, Ezra pulled up to Dr. Sullivan's home about five minutes later. He and Aria got out of the car and walked up to the house, though Aria was slower behind him as she spotted a man with dark brown hair leaning against the railing as he flipped through a book. She eyed him warily as she followed Ezra up the steps. He turned their way and smirked.

"Z!" Elijah looked from Ezra to Aria, and then down to his broken wrist. "What the hell did you do?"

Ezra pushed his house key into the lock and looked over at Elijah. "Punched a wall. Hardy got in the way."

Elijah nodded. He looked over at Aria and she stared back at him. He looked a lot like Dr. Sullivan, but he had the same piercing blue eyes that Ezra and Ethan shared.

"Aria, right?"

She nodded slowly. Elijah extended a hand towards her.

"Elijah Fitz."

Aria extended a tentative hand and shook his. He smiled at her and then walked over to the door as Ezra pushed it open and walked inside the house. Aria stepped up behind Ezra and wrapped her hands around his arm, leaning up to his ear.

"Z? I thought we got away from that nickname."

Ezra chuckled, tilting his head back to look at her from the corner of his eye. "Who do you think came _up _with it?"

They walked into the house and Aria pushed the door shut behind her. Elijah dropped his bag next to the couch and dropped down onto it. Aria looked between the two boys and then back to Ezra.

"I'm gonna go write a novel or something."

She walked out of the room and left Ezra standing there. He looked down at Elijah for an awkward moment before walking to the kitchen with what was left of his coffee. He grabbed a mug from one of the cupboards and then poured the latte into it and tossed the paper cup it had been in, into the trash. Elijah walked in the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before hopping up onto the counter. He twisted the cap off and tossed it into the trash before taking a drink from the bottle. "So do you want to tell me why mom and dad **both** told me to stay out of Rosewood until the end of the semester?"

Ezra shook his head, looking up at his younger brother. "You obviously don't listen very well as it is, so why should I bother?"

"Because the last time I had to do something because of you, I was holding a shirt to your bleeding wrist. So tell me why I'm supposed to be in New York right now?" Elijah insisted.

"You want the easy answer?" Ezra asked. "Go home and study for your damn finals unless you want to flunk out of college."

Elijah chuckled. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? You'd love for everyone to leave and stay out of everything that goes on in your head. Tell me, does _she_ know what's going on here?" He pointed towards the hallway.

Ezra gripped the mug in his hand tightly. "You certainly do like to push buttons-"

"I'm not an idiot, Ezra!" Elijah scolded. "Mom's being dodgy, dad tells me to stay in New York. I called Hardy and when he couldn't tell me anything, I buried enough of my hate to e-mail Jackie, and she called me back and told me that you guys think that guy is back in town!"

"Then why the hell did you come home!" Ezra yelled. Elijah hopped down off the counter. Flat on their feet, he and Ezra stood head-to-head. There was no height difference between them, and they each had the ability to carry the rage that they knew so well from the Fitz side of the family, but Ezra carried his mother's passive ways much more heavily than Elijah did. While Elijah was always quick to argue, Ezra preferred to be clear with his words without actually getting into a shouting match.

"Because I don't want to get a phone call two weeks from now telling me that you're in the hospital, or worse; dead," Elijah finally said. "Tell me, Z; is that what I have to look forward to? Am I going to get a phone call next week telling me that something's happened to you?"

Ezra shook his head. He wanted to yell at Elijah for so many different things, but he knew he couldn't answer the question his brother was asking him with full certainty. Especially not after the conversation he'd had with Aria the night before.

"I don't know what's going to happen next week," he said after a few moments. "All I know is that our parents think that this guy isn't finished with what he's done, and they think he's back in town. But you know Ethan. He's always got a plan up his sleeve."

Elijah nodded slowly. Ezra could tell he wanted to push the subject more, but he seemed to let it slide away. After a moment, he spoke again. "So you're speaking to him again?"Ezra rolled his eyes, leaning back against the counter behind him as he took a sip from his mug. "Can't really avoid him when we're staying in the same house. I'm more surprised by the fact that our parents haven't torn each others eyes out yet, though."Elijah chuckled. "I suppose this is going to make for an interesting weekend, eh?"

Ezra nodded. "You should've been here last night. I swear mom actually laughed when da- Ethan told this story about this drug addict he picked up-""Yeah, yeah!" Ethan laughed. "The one who started doing pirouettes in the holding cell and saying he was the Easter bunny!"

_-  
>Each shadow I walk<br>__To the edge of the forest  
>-<em>

The surprised mood that covered Dr. Sullivan's home when the adults started returning back to the house slowly began to fade as conversation bloomed across the household. Elijah brought with him a lively attitude, and a cheerfulness spread throughout the home as they talked about what everyone had been up to, though they left out a few key details for Aria and Ezra.

Questions that Ella and Byron had been burning to ask for days finally were asked, as well as a few things that Aria also wondered. Pictures of Elijah and Ezra as kids emerged, and with them came stories of a time when the Sullivan-Fitz family wasn't so broken.

Aria giggled as she stared down at a photo of Ezra. He couldn't have been more than two, but he stood in front of the fridge, arms and legs spread wide in nothing more than a diaper with his eyes and mouth wide open.

"Y'know, I remember taking that photo," Ethan said with a laugh. "He wasn't even talking yet, but my parents were in Manhattan for the weekend for a visit, and we were trying to get the house ready.""Right!" Anne said with a chuckle. "Ezra spilled grape juice down the white t-shirt I'd put on him. I'd gone to get some clean clothes for him, and your parents showed up, and he adored his grandfather."

Aria laughed, resting her hand on Ezra's thigh as she looked over at him. He smiled back at her and turned the page.

"So why do I keep hearing that Elijah is the 'Fitz family extraordinaire,'" Byron asked, tucking his phone into his pocket as he came to sit down next to Ella.

Ethan and Anne exchanged a look and laughed.

"Those two boys have had a rivalry for as long as I can remember,' Anne said. "Anything that Ezra could do, Eli always wanted to be able to do it better.""That's not true!" Elijah insisted.

Ezra glared up at him, pointing his left index finger at him. "It **is** true! I broke the school record for men's breast stroke in swimming sophomore, junior, and senior year.""And Eli broke it all four years," Anne said.

Ezra nodded, looking over at her. "I got the best score senior year for cross country _and _took first place all-state in track and field senior and junior year."

"Eli topped all three scores and won both junior and senior year," Ethan said.

"They are the _epitome_ of 'anything you can do, I can do better'," Anne laughed.

"Thank god he's a phys. Ed major," Ezra said distastefully. "Otherwise I'm sure he'd aim to be published before me _and _be rated higher."

"C'mon!" Elijah feigned a cry. "You can't **not** aim high in this family. Mom was published at 26, dad was a detective before he was thirty; hell Ezra graduated at seventeen and then spent six months interning at HarperCollins."

Ezra chuckled. "That's _right_. I **did **manage to beat you when it came to graduating high school."

"Alright, boys," Anne insisted. "Retract your claws and get some plates set out. Dinner should be here shortly."

Ezra took the photo album and flipped it shut before moving out of his chair and walking over to the counter. He settled the photo album down and then grabbed a stack of paper plates and settled them in front of chairs at the table while Elijah retrieved glasses from the cupboard and handed them out.

"Ella, Byron, would you like any wine?" Anne asked as she retrieved a bottle from a liquor cabinet on the other side of the room. "It's cabernet."

"Sure," Ella murmured as she settled into the chair opposite to Aria's side that Ezra had been sitting. Elijah settled wine glasses in front of Ella and Byron, and then placed a glass in front of Aria before walked over to the fridge. He pulled out several two liter bottles of soda and settled them on the table before sitting down in the chair across from Aria's. He picked up one of the bottles and poured it into his glass.

"So, Aria. How does a sixteen year old talk my do-gooder twenty-two year older brother into falling in love with him?" Elijah asked.

Ella and Byron all gaped at Elijah. Ezra walked up behind him and smacked him on the back of the head.

"_What_?" Elijah whined. "It's an honest question!"

Aria shook her head and laughed as she poured herself a glass of root beer. "I went to get something to eat. We met at Snookers. I might've let him think I was older than I was."

Ezra tilted his head towards her and raised an eyebrow at her. "_Might_ have? You let me assume you were an English major at Hollis. My exact words when I saw you in my class room the next morning were-"

"Holy crap," Aria said, smiling at him. "Are you going to say you regret it?"Ezra laughed quietly and shook his head at her. "I'm not answering that question."

The doorbell rang a moment later, and he popped up out of the chair. "Saved by the doorbell!"

Aria chuckled as he walked out of the room. Elijah followed after him. They returned to the room a few moments later, each carrying two boxes of pizza. They settled the boxes along the table and then Ethan cut the tops off of each of them before tossing them off to the side.

"Dig in!" He said as he settled back into a chair next to Elijah.

They were all quiet for a few minutes as they started eating. After a bit of silence, Aria broke the silence.

"So if you're a PE major, what're you in school for?" She asked.

Elijah swallowed down a bite of pizza and then settled the remaining piece on the plate in front of him. "I want to be an athletic director. Turns out all those sports I competed in to surpass all of Ezra's accomplishments actually gave me a passion for it all. That, and running is a lot healthier than punching walls."

He turned towards Ezra and glared at him as he spoke the last sentence, and Ezra glared back at him with equal vigor.

"So you don't have _any _passion to write a book?" Aria questioned.

Elijah laughed. "I don't even want to _read _a book that isn't absolutely mandatory for reading in order to make a grade, let alone _write _one. I think if I ever **do **read an actual book ever again, it'll be his."

Ezra blushed as he took a drink from the glass of water he'd gotten himself.

"Supportive family," Aria teased, poking Ezra in the ribs.

Anne nodded, taking a sip from her glass of wine. "We may be a little pulled apart at the seams, but we're there when it counts."

_-  
>Calling on St. Christopher<br>__Gonna need some help tonight  
>-<em>

"Want some cocoa?"

Aria looked up from the journal she held in her hands over at Ezra as he came into the room. He walked over to her and handed her one of the mugs.

"What've you got there?" He furrowed his brow and sat down on the bed behind him. "And why do you look like you've been crying."

Aria shook her head, closing the journal and placing it up on the desk along with the mug. "I came in here to lay down cause I had a headache, but I couldn't sleep, and I was gonna write a little bit, but then I realized it was your journal. I know I shouldn't have started reading, but…"

Ezra grabbed her hand and pulled her up off the chair and onto the bed. He pulled her legs up into his lap and brushed a hand across her cheek.

"That journal is from last year," he murmured. "Those words are old."

Aria's bottom lip trembled as more tears ran down her face. "But the things you wrote are _real_. I don't know if it hurts more that I understand it, or that it's **you** that wrote those words. I keep trying to partition all these thoughts in my own head, and it's _killing _me knowing that you're dealing with the things you are. I can't stand it."

Ezra opened his mouth to say something and then paused and shook his head. "This is why I didn't want to tell you about all of this. I didn't want you worrying about me when you're trying to heal."Aria whimpered as he reached up and cupped his face in her hands. "You are _not _a burden to me, Ezra. But I'm scared that when this guy finally decides to strike, that he's going to put you right back where you were the last time you had to suffer at his hand. I'm afraid that, for as much as you have all around you, it's not going to be enough to pull you back from the edge."

Ezra tilted his head up and pressed his lips to her forehead. "I promise you, I will use every bit of willpower I have to see that that doesn't happen. I'm not going to leave you, Aria."

"What if promises aren't enough?" She murmured softly, looking up at him. "I know you mean well and you're determined and all of that, but I **know** what you're feeling." She pressed her hand to his chest, feeling his heart pound in his chest. "I _hate _thinking about it, but I realize that something bad could happen before this is all said and done, and it could hurt you really bad."

Ezra rested his hand over hers and squeezed it gently. "Nothing is going to keep me from coming back to you, alright? If you can't trust anything right now, then trust in that. I **promise** you that."

Aria exhaled a sigh. She wasn't entirely sure that he was right, but pushing the subject was unavailing.

"C'mere," Ezra murmured as he moved back on the bed. He laid down on the bed and offered her the room to lie down next to him. Aria did so, and rested her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arm across his waist. She closed her eyes and inhaled deep breaths of his scent as she closed her eyes.

_Aria looked up at Grady, giggling. "N-no, I should find Hanna."_

"_Hanna left with Emily," Holden said, wrapping an arm under her so she didn't fall down the steps. _

_Aria nodded, waving a finger up at him as she struggled to plant her feet on the step she was trying to stand up straight on. "Right. Which means Spencer is going to need your help." She patted his shoulder. "I'll be alright."_

"_I'll make sure she gets home," Grady insisted, pulling Aria's arm around his neck as he stepped up and took Holden's place. "It's on my way anyway."_

Aria shot up from the bed, her entire upper body shaking as she sucked in gasps of air. Hands pulled at her arms and she screamed, trying to break free of their hold.

"Whoa, hey!" Ezra cooed from behind her, sitting up. He cupped one hand around the side of her head while the other stayed wrapped around her waist as he kissed the top of her head. "It's just me."

Aria looked up at him and then began to weep, gripping his arm as she buried her face in his shoulder. He rubbed gentle circles on her back, whispering soothing words to her as he gently rocked her back and forth. He made no move to try and tell her to calm down, but instead told her repeatedly that things would be okay, and let her shed the tears that she needed to.

After a long while, she began to grow tired from the crying, and her sobs faded to hiccups and soft sniffles. She slowly lulled back down and then let him soothe her into a fitful sleep. She rolled onto her stomach, facing away from Ezra. He pulled the blanket at the end of the bed up around her body and then pressed a kiss to the side of her head before moving quietly off the bed. He snatched a pair of jogging pants from the floor and changed into them before removing his watch and heading out of the room.

He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a fresh mug from the counter. He filled it with steaming coffee and then stirred in the proper amount of cream and sugar for his taste before walking out onto the back deck. Anne stood near the edge of it with her arms crossed. She donned a thick taupe shawl over her shoulders as she watched squirrels and raccoons scurry across the yard after each other.

She looked over as Ezra came to stand next to her. She smiled at him and reached up, brushing her hand down the back of his head. He looked over at her and forced a small smile.

"Aria have a nightmare?" She asked.

Ezra nodded, taking a sip form his cup of coffee. "I love that girl, but I hate sleeping next to her. She doesn't need my screaming to add to hers."

"Is that why you barely sleep?" Anne asked him. "You're afraid of her seeing you scream in your sleep?""She already has," Ezra explained. He looked over at his mother. "It's not fair. I'm supposed to be helping her through what she has to deal with right now, not the other way around. She shouldn't have to be worrying about whether some psycho is going to try and jump me. She should be focused on healing."

"With your help, right?" Anne asked.

Ezra nodded.

Anne nodded as well. "But don't you deserve the same things, EJ? Don't you deserve to have the one person you trust most be there for you to help you through this? Shouldn't you be afforded the same things she is while you're healing?"

Ezra shook his head, turning his head to look down at the picnic table next to him. He settled the mug on it and crossed his arms over his chest. "Its not fair, mom. This wasn't supposed to happen – not to her." He looked over at Anne. "Tell me how this isn't supposed to be my fault, because I can't see it."

Anne stepped towards him and rested her hand on the back of his head again. "Ezra, there's no way you could have known this would happen. Even in a perfect world where all the pieces fell into place, and Aria got home on time, there's no knowing what that boy would've done. She could've been targeted just as badly as you were."

"Why?" Ezra strained past the knot forming in his throat. "She's never done anything wrong. She's never hurt anyone on purpose. She's the total opposite of most girls her age. Why was it _her_ that he went after?"

"Why her? Or why you?" Anne asked him.

Ezra stared at her for a moment before he nodded. "Yeah. Why me? What did I ever do? I followed all the campus rules to a T. I made sure all the people on my floor did the same. I didn't go out after curfew, and I made sure everything was locked. So why me?"

Anne shook her head at him, frowning. "I don't know, sweetheart. I'm asked that question repeatedly every year, and I could give you the technical jargon that they feed to us in med school, but I know it's not the answer you're looking for. To be honest with you, I'm not sure even your attacker could give you an honest answer that would suddenly make everything make sense and be better. You and I both know that rape is all about control, and we can talk about how it's not fair until we're blue in the face, but that won't change what's already happened."

"Then tell me how I'm supposed to understand this," he begged. "Tell me how I'm supposed to apply this to my life in a way that makes it easier."She shook her head again. "I don't think you _are_." She said. "I don't think there's a quick fix that's going to suddenly make it right, and suddenly make things understandable. I think that with time, and talking and healthy ways of coping, you learn to deal, and learn how to put it behind you in the right way.""I tried doing that," Ezra muttered, trying to gulp past the knot in his throat. "It didn't work."

"No," Anne disagreed. "You pushed it around into different places so that you wouldn't have to deal with it. But you can't keep moving things around in your life to make it fit somewhere else, Ezra. Eventually you're going to have to face what's trying to stand right in front of you, because it'll stop fitting in other places. Eventually it's going to glare at you right in the face, if it hasn't already. You need to be able to open yourself up to that when it happens so it doesn't eat you alive like it did last time."

His chest caved several times as he struggled to hold his emotions together. "Do you have any **idea** how painful it is just to go through _one day_ feeling like you're too damaged to be helped? Like someone has tainted you with their touch, and nothing you do can take it away? I can't **handle **living like that again. It makes me physically _ill _to even be in my own skin. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror, or even associate with the thoughts that run through my head when I think about the body I'm in and the things that I've done with it."

Anne shook her head again. "You didn't _do_ those things, Ezra. They were forced on you. And that doesn't make you weak or pathetic or worthless. It means that someone used your own disadvantage against you in a very sick and demeaning way because they wanted control."

Ezra stared hard down at the ground, and Anne knew she hadn't gotten through to him. She exhaled a frustrated sigh and gently squeezed the back of his neck.

"Look, I'm not saying you have to talk to me, or even that you have to see a therapist if you don't want to. Therapy doesn't work for everyone. But you might find that with a few tools at your disposal, that some healthy coping skills will help you to deal with what's been put on your plate. And you've got a multitude of people around you, ready and wiling to help if you'll let them; even your father."Ezra forced a laugh, looking back up at Anne. "Why should I give him the time of day, or even the satisfaction? He told me I-""I _know _what he told you," Anne insisted. "And while I fully understand if you decide to never forgive your father for that comment, I also understand that he's cleaned up his act and is clean and sober, and he's here and willing to help. Your father loves you, Ezra. He always has. All he wants now is to be a part of your and Elijah's lives. He's not even asking you to give him an open door. He's just asking you to leave it unlocked."

Ezra shook his head. "I don't know if I can do that, mom. It feels like every time we try and let him in, he just slams the door shut, and after everything that's happened, I don't know if I can trust that he won't do it again."Anne nodded, understanding. "Well maybe after all this is over and done, you'll feel differently. I know there's nothing more that your father wants right now that to find a way to keep you and Elijah and even Aria safe."She looked down at the watch on her wrist and then leaned forward and kissed the side of Ezra's head. "It's getting late. I'm going to head in. You coming?"Ezra nodded. He picked up his coffee cup and followed her into the house. He walked over to the sink and dumped what he hadn't drunk of his coffee while Anne locked the door and then headed to the sitting room to make sure the front door was locked as well. She returned to the kitchen a moment later, and then walked down the hall behind Ezra. He waved to her as he stepped into the bedroom and closed the door gently behind him.

He walked over to the bed and pulled off his jogging pants before slipping beneath the blankets next to Aria. She rolled into him and draped her arm over his chest. He felt wetness on his shirt almost immediately, and turned her head gently, looking for blood. Instead, he found himself chuckling softly as he wiped away the small amount of drool that had run out the side of her mouth.

Aria groaned and opened her eyes. She looked up at him. "Hmm?"

Ezra shook his head at her, smiling. "Nothing. Just go back to sleep."


	12. Its Already Over And Done When You're

_Chapter 12_

_It's Already Over And Done When You're Young_

Aria slugged into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes as she scowled from the bright sunlight glaring across the walkway from the sitting room, as well as windows in the kitchen. She walked over to the coffee percolator and grabbed the pot off the heating base. She retrieved a clean mug from the counter and filled it before placing the pot back on the base and bringing the mug to her lips.

"So you're as much of a slave to coffee as my brother?"

Aria turned around and leaned against the counter. Elijah was seated at the table with several textbooks laid out in front of him. He also had an empty bowl nearby and a glass half-filled with orange juice.

"And you're a slave to your work as much as he is," Aria observed.

Elijah shrugged. "Ezra got almost all A's his first year in college. I'm determined to not get anything less than that."

Aria laughed. "Still competing, eh?" Elijah shrugged again, smiling cheekily at her. "Keeps things interesting. Oh, and it gives him something to fight for."

Aria nodded, setting her coffee cup on the counter. She added cream and sugar to it, and then grabbed a spoon to mix it in. "You love him a lot."

Elijah chuckled. "He's my brother. He's been my best friend since I was born. Of course I love him. I've always tried to be better than him, but it's only because I wanted him to be proud. You know our parents divorced when I was nine, and my dad has been a detective for years. He was gone so much that the only real male figure I had around was Z– er, EJ, as my parents usually call him."

"So knowing that guy hurt him, it didn't change how you see him?" Aria asked.

Elijah's features hardened as he stared down at the pen he was turning in his fingers. "I never saw him differently in a bad way. If anything, it made him a hell of a lot stronger in my eyes than he ever had been in the past. I always saw him as soft when we were growing up, you know? I mean he was the one who did swimming, and track, and cross-country, but he was never a jock. If anything, he was a nerd. He worked hard and passed all his classes, and he was nice to everyone, even to the point where he would let people walk on him."

"Like Jackie," Aria murmured.

"Exactly!" Elijah said. "He always let her do what she wanted in their relationship, and he still loved her. I hated her _so _much for what she said to him last year when everything happened. How she told him that she didn't believe him. Ever since all of that stuff happened last year, I've become so much more aware of the ways that people continue to find ways to victimize the victims. I'm honestly _sick_ t the things people will do to hurt someone because they don't believe that they're pretty enough, or, just the opposite — that they're _too_ good looking to be raped."

"Have we really come so far as to live in a society where victims are bullied and blamed?" Aria murmured. She shook her head a moment later and waved her hand at Elijah, picking up her coffee mug. "Don't answer that. I already know the answer."

"Sickening," Elijah said, "isn't it? How we live in a world now where people will blame the ones who are already suffering, rather than the people who are responsible for that suffering. How these days, its always the victims fault, instead of the perpetrator." He paused, dropping his pen onto his notebook. He took a drink from his glass of juice and ran a hand through his hair. "You know, I used to subscribe to the theory that if something happened to a person like that, then it was probably at least a little their fault. And then I was sitting on the floor, watching blood run over my fingers because my brother tried to kill himself, and he was talking about things I didn't understand, and all I wanted to do was kill that guy. I really hope to god that if he _is _back in town now, that he gets what's coming to him. I can't think of anyone more deserving."

_-  
>Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star<br>__One with a permanent scar  
>-<em>

The morning slipped away slowly, with Aria and Elijah parked at the table with their textbooks. Ezra sat a few chairs away from both of them with a stack of papers to grade. By the time noon greeted them, Aria's head was throbbing from reading her textbooks and notes over and over. She flipped her books shut and shoved them aside.

"I'm bored. Is there anything else to do besides study?"

Ezra chuckled, flipping one of the papers he was reading shut. "It's Saturday. Coffee and cartoons?"

Aria perked up. "Can we go get the good stuff?"

Ezra looked up at the adults where they were gathered near the counter, talking about the events that were going to come up in the next few days. Byron would be gone Sunday and Monday to Florida for an end-of-the-year conference. Ella, Ezra, and Aria would all be very busy with finals. Thursday and Friday would be spent grading finals and packing up boxes at Hollis and Rosewood Day. Elijah would be back in town late Friday evening.

And somewhere in the midst of it all, a man was likely to come creeping from the shadows, with his sights set on Ezra. Nothing mattered more to Ethan than making sure that the stress-filled week to come passed without a single hitch.

"Straight to the coffee shop and back," Ethan ordered them before turning back to Byron, Anne, and Ella. The four of them were trying to pull together some kind of schedule that would ensure as little conflict as possible.

Aria shot up out of her chair with a large smile and packed up her books into her school bag and then charged down the hall to the bedroom. She dropped the bag just inside the door and then grabbed her duffel from the floor. She dug through it and then pulled out a pair of white shorts and a white matching white t-shirt with patterned yellow flowers covering it. She quickly slipped out of her pajama pants and ribbed green tank top into the cool summer clothes before grabbing her wedge flip flops from the floor and slipping her feet into them.

By the time she returned to the kitchen, Ezra had slipped on her usual black Converse high-tops. He was dressed simply in a loose black t-shirt with some sort of dragon design and khaki shorts. He was checking his wallet as he crossed the room. He stuffed it into his pocket and then offered his hand to her.

"There and back. I mean it," Ethan repeated.

Ezra chuckled as he took Aria's hand in his, and they headed for the front door. They headed out of the house. Within seconds of pulling the front door shut, they both let out heavy sighs of relief. Any chance of escape, regardless of how short, was better than being forced to spend every waking moment confined in the same space as five other people, though for the weekend, it was now six.

"If I ever get the bright idea of having a large family ten years from now, remind me of this week," Aria laughed as she let Ezra pull her towards the car. He looked over his shoulder back at her and laughed as well.

"I promise to do _just_ that." He let go of her hand as he reached the driver's door and pulled his keys from where they were clipped on a belt loop. He shoved the car key into the lock and then turned it before opening the door as Aria rounded the car. He hit the lock switch as she reached for the door handle, and a few moments later, they were both seated with their shoulder belts locked into place.

As he often did when they were in the car together, Ezra let his hand linger on her thigh while Aria stared out the window. Conversation didn't take place, but it often didn't when they were together in his car. More often than not, when he thought of their times spent in his car, they were spent exchanging heated kisses. Two stuck very clearly in his mind.

The first had been when he finally resolved that he couldn't stay away from her, regardless of how hard he tried. He'd seen her standing in the rain outside a cafe with a cup of coffee, and a thousand different thoughts had run through his head. Some were ridiculously sinful, while others were very simple. What if she got sick from walking home in the rain? Would she catch a cold? Or the flu? And if she did, how long would it be before he saw her again in class.

And it had been that simple for him to stop and open his door for her, because he knew he couldn't stand spending more than sixteen hours before he saw her again. It was hard enough going through the weekends without her. He couldn't manage _days _without her, even if it was only to stare at her from a distance in his classroom.

The second was just as equally heated as the first — when he had begged her to forgive him after he had tried to end their relationship because he'd seen her with Noel. It had been a pathetic move, but he had truly meant it when he said that all he wanted was for her to be happy. Granted, he also didn't want to hurt her with his own problems, either.

He remembered how he had felt when he had seen her kissing Noel in the cafeteria that morning. The sense of betrayal running through him was coursing through his veins as hard as the fear of actually losing her, as well as the fact that if he did indeed try to change things, that eventually he would have to tell her about what had happened to him. There had been so many things that he knew would have to change that day. It had made the decisions he had to make and remake that day very tough.

"What're you thinking about," Aria asked.

"October fifteenth," Ezra murmured as he shifted the gearshift as they drove.

Aria looked at him, perplexed. "The day Hanna got hit by Mona? Why?"

Ezra chuckled, squeezing her leg lightly. "A lot more happened that day than just Hanna getting run down by Mona."

Aria nodded slowly. "I know. But what about it?"

Ezra shifted the car into park as they pulled up outside the café. He looked over at Aria. "I was remembering how I had no clue what I was going to do. When I came back from New York and saw that you might be with Noel, I didn't want to hurt you if you were truly happy with someone your own age, but it wasn't just because I wanted you to be happy. I knew that if I made the choice to stay with you and continue to try and make our relationship work, that eventually I was going to have to tell you about what had happened in the dorms. A large part of me didn't know if I could do that."

"You know I never would've insisted you tell me something you didn't want to," Aria murmured.

Ezra nodded. "I know. But I didn't want to tell you just as badly as I didn't want to tell my mom or Eli when I went home last April."

Aria leaned across the seat and cupped her hand around the back of his head, bringing him towards her. She pressed her lips to his. Ezra smiled against her lips and cupped her face with his left hand while his right rested on her hip as his tongue pushed their lips apart. Moments like these seemed to be far and few between lately.

After several minutes, they broke apart and settled back into their seats, taking a few moments to catch their breath. Aria pulled down her rearview mirror and checked her hair and her lipstick before turning to look at Ezra.

"This car has some good juju."

Ezra chuckled as he pushed his door open. Aria did the same and they both got out.

"What makes you say that?" He asked as he hit the lock button on his key fob and rounded the car, taking her hand into his once more.

Aria giggled as he pulled the door open to the café. "We've had many good moments in that car. In fact, I'm pretty sure we haven't yet had a dull moment in it."

Ezra raised his eyebrows at her as they stepped in line behind several eager college students who were clearly cramming in last-minute study time before finals started in forty or so hours. "Not even the argument we had?" Aria shrugged. "It was passionate, wasn't it?" Ezra chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

They waited several minutes in line, and Aria looked around the coffee shop, taking in the view of other people as they studied or worked. After a moment, she spotted a row of books and released Ezra's hand to go over to them. Her fingers brushed over the titles, and she couldn't help but smile as she spotted Free Fall. She looked around herself and then opened the book to the page with her favourite quote, and folded down the bottom corner before tucking the book back in the shelf.

"English nerd?"

Aria nearly jumped as she looked up. The man standing in front of her couldn't have been more than twenty-one. He had spiky sunlight yellow blond hair and baby blue eyes, and chiseled features much like Ezra's. His voice was low and gravely.

"I guess," she murmured. She felt like his eyes were prying at her, which got under her skin. "I'm here with my boyfriend."

The man in front of her nodded, looking around the café. Aria's finger drifted upwards and she pointed to Ezra as he ordered their latte's.

"He an English nerd too?" The guy asked. "Certainly looks bookish."

Aria couldn't help but laugh at the comment. The fact that someone who didn't now Ezra at all saw him as _bookish _was hilarious, especially when you saw what his apartment looked like.

"I-" "Aria?"

She looked over at Ezra and raised a finger to him to wait a moment before turning back to the guy she'd been talking to.

"Aria," he said as she looked back up at him. "Like an opera song?"

Aria nodded.

"What's the guy's name? Oratorio? Cantata?" Aria raised an eyebrow at him and crossed her arms. "Ezra. What's your name? _Sonet?" _

He laughed and shook his head, extending a hand to her finally. "No. My name is Jeff. It's nice to meet you, Aria."

Aria shook his hand quickly and then turned and looked back at Ezra. He was picking up their lattes from the counter. "I gotta go. It was nice meeting you."

She crossed the café and took her latte from Ezra before he took her hand in his and walked out of the café.

"Who was the guy?" He asked as they walked out. "Someone you know from school?" Aria shook her head, turning to look back inside the building. It took her a moment to spot him, but she saw him seated at a table in the furthest corner. He was flipping through a textbook, but he was also surrounded by notebooks and other textbooks. Yet another college student cramming for finals.

"I saw Free Fall on the shelf and folded the page with the quote on it. He was teasing me. Oh and he called you bookish," she chuckled.

Ezra looked down at her. "Are we really _that _transparent when it comes to books?"

Aria giggled. "Apparently."

_-  
>I remember when you came with me that night<br>__You said forever, that you would never let me go  
>-<em>

Ezra took a sip from his beer as he settled on the deck in the back yard. He and Aria had spent most of the afternoon curled up in the sitting room watching cartoons and old movies, just like they so often did on the weekends. They ate leftover pizza for lunch and then Ethan prepared lasagna for the seven of them.

It was close enough to midnight though, and Aria was curled up in his room talking with Ella while Byron and Ethan had been talking in the kitchen over coffee. His mother was already fast asleep in her room. Knowing she was, brought back a flood of memories from the night he'd tried to kill himself.

"Ezra?"

He looked over his shoulder. Ethan was standing a few feet away, holding a coffee mug in one hand and a sweatshirt in the other. He offered the sweatshirt to his son.

Ezra settled his beer bottle on the stoop next himself and took the sweatshirt from Ethan. He pulled the sleeves on, one at a time, and then zipped it up. He grabbed the beer bottle by its neck and turned his attention back to the empty yard.

Ethan walked around Ezra and then sat down a few inches away from him, holding his coffee cup tightly between his fingers. He watched Ezra for a few moments as he took another swig from his beer.

"You being careful about your alcohol intake?" He asked.

"Yep," Ezra said curtly. "I don't guzzle alcohol, and I rarely keep it in the house."

Ethan nodded, turning back to look out at the scenery before them. One of the perks of living in Rosewood was the amount of stars one could see at night. Even though it was close to Philadelphia, it was far enough away that a person could see more than ten or twenty stars in the sky. And though Rosewood had a population of nearly eight thousand, the city shut down by ten PM, leaving the town lit only by the moon and stars, and the occasional streetlight.

"Do you hate me?"

Ethan looked up at Ezra, surprised by the question. It was so simple – just four little words –, but it carried _so_ much weight. He knew that Ezra's real question was why he'd said the things he had last year. And no answer he ever gave his son was going to be good enough to make up for saying something so cruel.

"No," he said honestly. He stared down at the grass as Ezra settled his beer down again and draped his arms over his knees. "I never once hated you. I never thought ill of you. I always wanted the best for you and Eli. And I believed that you two both had the capability to do anything you set your mind to."

"You told me to try harder to **kill** myself, _dad_." Ezra turned his head look at Ethan. "**Days** after getting out of the hospital!"

Ethan pressed his lips together and shook his head. "It was wrong, EJ. Nothing else I'm ever going to be able to say is going to be able to fix the wound that those words created for you. I was in a very dark place, and to be honest with you, I think I was furious that you were as far down as I was, if not farther, but you weren't letting your fears stop you from just being finished with it all. it's a terrible thing to be jealous of, and today I'd sooner smack you in the back of the head and tell you there's nothing you can't get through, but at that time…"

"I don't know that I can ever forgive you for saying that," Ezra said honestly.

Ethan nodded again. "I wouldn't expect you to. What I said to you was cold, and cruel. It was selfish, and if I was in your position, I don't think I could either." Ezra stared hard down at the ground as several tears ran down his face. For the first time in a long time, however, they weren't because of everything his attacker had done to him or because of Aria. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life hating you because you said something that wasn't fair," he said.

"Then don't," Ethan said. "Your mother would be the first person to tell you that if you don't want to feel something, then don't feel it. I promise you that if you'll give me the chance to prove it to you, I'll show you that I'm not the same person I was for these past few years, EJ. And I promise you things **will** get better."

"I don't even know how to _begin_ to start over," Ezra murmured. "I mean, here I've spent the last twelve months trying to pull myself together and everyone's telling me that I've only just been pushing my problems to the side instead of actually facing them?"

"We understand that you were put through something severely traumatic," Ethan replied softly. "But there's a difference between saying you're dealing with something, and actually doing it. Someone who is healing and dealing with what they've been through doesn't carry it with them everywhere like you do. Regardless of what you'd prefer at the moment, this trauma is** with** you, Ezra. You carry it around with you and on you constantly. And I'm not saying that its something people can see because its there, but it _is_ there."

"Good to know," Ezra said sarcastically. He picked up his beer and took a long drink from it before Ethan grabbed it from his hands. Ezra scowled at him, and became even more frustrated when Ethan sent the bottle sailing across the yard.

"Don't drown your pain in alcohol, or any other unhealthy choices." He pointed his finger towards the door behind them. "You've got a girl in there who loves you for who you are, and doesn't see you any differently than the day she met you; who **wants** you to open up to her. Coming from a man who drove plenty of people away out of fear of what they would do if they knew the truth…You don't want to lose her because you're too afraid to be open and honest." "I don't-" Ethan cut him off, shaking his head at Ezra. "She's probably the greatest thing you're ever going to find, Ezra, and she's entirely open to you right now. I know you keep telling her to not hide how she's feeling and be open about it, but if the one person advocating the strongest for her is doing the exact opposite of what he's preaching, she's going to start getting mixed messages."

"So what do you suggest I do?" Ezra replied.

"I already told you. Be honest with her. Tell her the truth and don't bury how you're feeling. Everything will happen in its own time."

_-  
>I've got my sights set on you<br>__And I'm ready to aim  
>-<em>

Aria closed her textbook as Ezra pulled the blankets back and slipped underneath them. She looked up at him and smiled, letting her text book drop a few inches as she moved it over the side of the bed to place on the floor. She crossed her arms loosely over her stomach.

Ezra kissed her forehead as he pulled his arms free from his sweatshirt and tossed it to the floor. He furrowed his brow and brushed his thumb over the spot on the side of her head he had just kissed. Aria tilted her head up to him, perplexed.

"What're you doing?"

Ezra shook his head, pecking her on the lips. "No scar."

"Huh?"

Ezra chuckled, shifting the blankets around a bit. "When you got hurt, you had that cut on your head. It's finally healed up completely."

Aria nodded slowly. She couldn't resist the urge to reach up and touch the spot on the side of her head that he was talking about. It was just on the curve of her skull, above her eyebrow. She'd been covered cuts and bruises that night, and most of them hadn't even scarred, except for a thin cut that had run from halfway down her arm to just above her elbow. Now it was nothing more than thin, pink scar, but for Aria, it was a physical reminder that all her suffering wasn't for naught. To her, it was a reminder that she had come out on the other side, and was still fighting.

"I can't believe the school year is over after all this time. It feels like it's been going on forever." Aria said.

Ezra chuckled. "Certainly feels like I've been out of college for longer than that."

Aria curled up against him as they both laid down on the bed, pulling the blankets up tighter. Ezra pushed the blankets in under her side and wrapped his arm over her, though the bulk of his cast dug slightly into her side.

"Did you ever think we'd end up here?" She asked after a few minutes.

Ezra looked down at her. "I guess you'd have to ask me at different points this past year, and somehow all the answers end in disaster." Aria looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

Ezra chuckled, rolling his eyes as if the answer should've been obvious all on its own. "Because none of those theories involve me telling anyone about my life last year. In fact, most of them involved me being absolutely positive your father was going to riddle me with bullets." Aria giggled and shook her head. "My dad doesn't even own a gun. Spencer's dad, on the other hand…"

"How did your mother even get it in her head that I was dating Spencer? Didn't she know about Spencer dating Toby?" He asked.

Aria shrugged, shaking her head. "I don't know. I guess between the dance-a-thon and then seeing Spencer in your car, she somehow two and two together in the wrong way."

Ezra nodded, and then looked down across the room as if he was thinking of something. He looked back up at Aria and smiled.

"What?" She asked.

Ezra shrugged. "I was just remembering the dance-a-thon. I almost told you everything that night, when we were in the parking lot."

Aria rested her chin on his shoulder, tightening her grip on him where her hand rested on his ribs. "Why didn't you?" Ezra lifted his hand up to hers and laced his fingers with hers, looking down at their joined hands. "I chickened out. When I was going to kiss you, and then we heard other students, I panicked. It was another reason I never could've been with Simone, regardless of what you thought. She was too polished and pristine. She never would've had the capacity to understand things the way you would have."

Aria pulled her fingers free from his grasp and moved her hand up to his face. She rested them on the side of his face and smiled at him before both of their heads titled towards one another. Aria's fingers moved into his hair as her lips parted, granting his tongue access to her mouth. They parted a moment later and she pouted slightly.

"What?" Ezra chuckled.

Aria shook her head, moving her hand back down to hold his. "I just miss this. I miss your kisses."

Ezra nodded, narrowing his eyes at her as he moved is other arm across her body. "You know what I miss?"

"What?"

Aria quickly got her answer and let out shrill squeal as his fingers dug into her sides. She twisted and squirmed for freedom, laughing loud enough to be heard across the house, and Ezra couldn't help but laugh along with her.

_-  
>I didn't meet you in the park<br>__I never kissed you in the dark  
>-<em>

Byron settled the paper he'd been reading through on the nightstand as Ella sat down on the bed next to him. She pulled the towel she had her hair wrapped in off her head and tossed it to the floor.

"Do you think we're making the right decision, being here? I understand needing to keep Aria and Ezra safe, but is it really such a good idea to let them sleep together?"

Ella stared at Byron for a long moment. "Do you _really_ think they would do those things?" "I'm not sure," Byron said. "That's why I asked. I want Aria to be happy just as much as you do, but they're sleeping in the same bed."

"And that's _all _they're doing," Ella reminded him. She opened her mouth to say something else, but was cut off by the loud squeal of laughter from the next room. She raised her eyebrows at Byron. "When's the last time we heard _that_? Can you even **think **of the last time Aria was that happy?"

Byron shook his head. "I'm honestly not sure. But I'm also worried about those two spending too much time together. What if it affects them detrimentally, Ella? I'm not sure we're going to be albe to pull them apart-" "We _wont_ let that happen, Byron. Between us and Ezra's parents, I'm sure those behaviors won't go unnoticed. As it is, summer vacation starts this week, and we agreed to start seeing a family therapist this week as well." She paused for a moment, moving beneath the blankets. "Look, I'm fully understanding and sympathetic to your worries about those two, and I share them. But at the moment, Ezra is the one person who can seem to keep Aria happy, and if he can continue to do so without their relationship becoming codependent, then I've got nothing against it continuing this way. It's comforting to know my daughter screams less in her sleep when he's around."

Byron nodded, though there was a small twinge of jealousy at Ella's final comment. It wasn't one of hatred, but that of a father knowing that his daughter was no longer a little girl. It seemed more and more these days that he was being forced to face the reality that Aria was in fact going to be an adult very soon.

"Seems like it was just yesterday that she was running in to jump into bed with us because of a thunderstorm, doesn't it?" He asked softly.

Ella nodded, smiling at him. "Sure does."


	13. Let It All Fall Down

_Chapter 13_

_Let It All Fall Down_

Aria awoke in the middle of the night, weary and befuddled as she rubbed her hand over her eyes. She turned over, having been facing the wall, and slowly started to realize why her body had awoken. First and more prominently, she was freezing. Ezra had taken a hold of most of the blankets. She tugged gently on them as she moved closer to him. The second issue was that he was entirely restless and clearly having a bad dream. As she sidled up next to him, she rubbed his shoulder wearily, murmuring his name. It took about a minute, but he eventually began to rouse, and looked over at her.

"Hmm?"

Aria yawned, letting her head fall onto his shoulder. "You were having a nightmare." "Mmm."

The next time they both awoke, it was well into the morning, and light was streaming through the window. They each had the blanket tugged over their heads to block out the sun. A sudden tug on the blanket brought out a squeal from Aria, though she quickly reached for her pillow and yanked it over the top of her head.

"Up and at 'em!" Ella's voice came cheerfully. She hadn't pulled the blankets completely off of them, but they weren't within arms' reach, either.

Aria groaned, waving her arm at her mother. Ella chuckled and shook her head.

"If you're not up in ten minutes, you're not getting starbucks."

She left the room a moment later, and Aria whined. "Ezra, grab the blanket." Silence. She whipped her head around to look at him. The space next to her was empty. He was yanking a pair of jeans on next to the bed.

"You're ditching me for coffee?" She pouted.

Ezra chuckled. "I'm getting up because I have twenty papers to grade before I return them to my students tomorrow while finals start. You should get up too. There's only so much time left to study y'know," he teased.

Aria stuck her tongue out at him and then flopped back down on the bed and yanked the blankets back up the bed and over her head. She closed her eyes again and laid there for five minutes before giving in to the fact that her body was not going to go back to sleep again. With a heavy sigh of frustration, she tossed the blankets back and moved off the bed.

She ran a quick brush through her hair and then removed her pajamas, which lately consisted of a pair of shorts and one of Ezra's t-shirts, before pulling on a pair of Bermuda shorts with frays and rips, before slipping on a yellow lace camisole, and a black zip-up tank top.

She walked into the kitchen once she was fully dressed and satisfied with her appearance, in time to snatch the final cup from two trays that sat on the kitchen table. Each of the adults as well as Ezra all had their own cups as well.

"You're lucky," Ella told her. "Elijah was insistent he was going to beat you to that cup."

Aria lifted the cup to her lips and took a long drink from it before smirking at her mother as she swallowed. "you snooze, you lose."

Elijah entered the room a moment later and tossed his arms up in defeat. "Aw, come on! I've gotta drive back to New York today! That's almost a three hour drive!"

Aria extended the cup towards him teasingly. "Want it?"

Elijah walked up to her and raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?" Aria nodded. He took it from her tentatively. Not entirely sure, he sniffed it, and then continued to eye her curiously. Just as he was about to take a sip from it, she spoke again.

"I spit in it."

Elijah rolled his eyes and handed the cup back over as Ezra and the parents laughed, both at Aria's comment, as well as Elijah's reaction.

"Here," Dr. Sullivan said to him, extending to him one of the coffees in her hands. "I made sure to grab you one. We just wanted you kids awake. Plenty of studying to be done today. You three are going to be here alone for most of the day. I've got paperwork to sort out before the week starts tomorrow, so I'll be at the office all day."

"I'm leaving town at two," Elijah said. "I've got to make a call for a U-haul before they're all gone."

"You're welcome to leave your things at my place for a few days," Ethan offered. "Speaking of, I need to head back up to New York. I'll be back in the morning."

Aria looked up at her parents. "What about you?"

"We've got classrooms to pack up," Ella replied.

Ezra opened his mouth to insist that he did as well, but he was quickly cut off by Ethan.

"**You** can pack your things after this is all over and done. You need to stay safe right now." He said. "Which means you need to stay here."

Ezra scowled at his father, but dropped the subject anyway. One by one, their parents dribbled out of the kitchen, and then out of the house. Aria and Elijah each retrieved their books while Ezra gathered what was left of the papers he had to grade. They each parked themselves in seats spaced out between each other. Textbooks and papers in plastic binders coated the top of the table in scattered circles.

After a while, Aria and Elijah exchanged flashcards and quizzed each other on different subjects that they were studying for their finals while Ezra put the finishing touches on the final he would be giving for his class.

The afternoon drifted away in much of the same fashion. Aria and Ezra saw Elijah off when he left to drive back to New York, and then ordered in Thai food before she tucked away her books and he finished off the last bit of grading he had left to do. There was a comfort in the convenience of the large sitting room in. Dr. Sullivan's house. After dinner, they settled onto a chaise longue together and cuddled up to watch The Notebook on TV. Halfway through it, Aria dozed off, and Ezra soon joined her.

They were awoken at the sound of chatter a while later, and Aria nearly fell from the seat as she moved to sit up. Ezra caught her and helped her sit up before he sat up himself.

"What time is it?" She murmured, rubbing her eyes before a yawn escaped her.

Ezra looked down at his watch. "Almost nine."

"Sleep will do you two some good," Byron said as he removed his shoes. "Long days ahead of you tomorrow."

_-  
>I'd rather make sandcastles<br>__Instead of these wide-world decisions  
>-<em>

Monday morning brought the stress that it promised. Everyone was awake by six AM, and out the door by seven thirty. Aria found herself excited when her mother allowed her to leave in her own car for the first time in days. She already had plans to fill the afternoon with Hanna, Spencer, and Emily as soon as they were released for the afternoon. Rather than spending the afternoon studying, she and Hanna were going to get mani-pedi's, and then they were going to meet Spencer and Emily at the grill for an early dinner.

When she arrived at school, Aria spent a few minutes at her locker, pulling out the textbooks she had to return before she stuffed them into her bag and then arranged the things settled on the top shelf of her locker so that she could just grab them and go once finals were over on Wednesday.

She headed to her first class – English with her mother – and settled into her seat. She removed the cover she'd put on her textbook at the beginning of the year and then walked the book up to the front of the room and settled it on her mother's desk before returning to her seat. She made sure her phone was turned off and she had pencils and erasers ready to go.

Students filed into the room over the next few minutes, and ten minutes later, their final was under way. It covered everything they'd studied over the second semester, and then required a two page essay to be written in the ninety minutes they were given. She was finished just as nine o'clock ticked by, and she pushed the thin packet to the edge of her desk, leaving it flipped over so that the only thing that showed was the little bit of writing that hadn't fit in the space allotted on the front of the page. She spent the remainder of the hour reading a book.

The rest of the school day passed in the same fashion, and by two PM, she and Hanna were settled into chairs at the nail salon, resting comfortably as water bubbled against their calves.

"What're your summer plans?" Aria asked as she let her phone buzz against her leg. She had another text message from Ezra.

Hanna shrugged. She'd recently gotten her hair cut up to her shoulders, and the ends were highlighted in bright pink. Aria thought Hanna wore the pink hair better than she ever had.

"I'm supposed to go to Spain with my dad, Kate and Isobel in July. Apparently it's their way of trying to 'bond' all of us. My mom and I are going to take a trip to California next week though. I'm going to meet Caleb's mom." Hanna said.

"Wow," Aria replied as her eyebrows raised in surprise. "That's big."

Hanna chuckled. "Yeah, and you're living with Fitz's mom, who is _also_ our former therapist. I think you take the cake on that one."

Aria shook her head, picking absentmindedly under her fingernails. "It's just temporary. And believe you me, I think it's just as weird as you do. I guess the up side is that at least she's not some crazy mother who hates every woman her son dates."

"She doesn't hate Jackie?" Hanna asked.

Aria shook her head. "Nope."

_-  
>You used to be so careful with me<br>__Making sure that we would always be each other's missing piece  
>-<em>

Aria and Hanna met up with Spencer and Emily at the grill as promised, and even managed to fit in a little bit of study time while they waited on their food. Afterwards, she parted ways with them and headed over to starbucks to pick up herself a cup of coffee. She wasn't entirely ready to head back to Dr. Sullivan's place and call it a night.

After she put in her order for her coffee, she walked over to the book shelf and ran a finger over the spines as she looked over the titles. She smiled when she noticed that the copy of Free Fall that she'd been looking at the day before was gone. She wondered if someone had noticed the page she had dog-eared.

"Are you a coffee junkie or something?"

Aria spun around, surprised at the sudden interruption. Justin stood in front of her, holding a fresh coffee in one hand and a textbook in the other. She looked down at the cover. Russian.

"I could ask you the same thing," she replied as she folded her arms. "Cramming for some major test?" He raised an eyebrow at her for a brief moment before looking down at the textbook in his hand and murmuring an 'ohhhh'. "Finals week. I'd think you'd know that. You don't look older than eighteen." Aria chuckled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Seventeen. I was just dropping in to grab some fuel for a bit of last-minute studying, anyway. Nothing as tough as Russian, though. Basic history and botany for me."

"Study of flowers," he teased. "How _girly_."

Aria rolled her eyes, walking back over to the counter as her order was called. She pulled her wallet out of her purse and placed a five dollar bill on the counter before picking up her latte.

"Botany is the study of _all_ plants. Not just flowers," she retorted. "Anyway, there's a nice, comfy chair at home with my name on it. It was nice seeing you again."

She gave a small wave before she headed out of the coffee shop and made her way to her car.

The drive back to Dr. Sullivan's house was quiet, and she was sure she was going to be on the other side of a lecture as soon as she got there. She was supposed to have gone back as soon as dinner was done with her friends, but she was desperate for a little freedom away from spending every single second surrounded by adults.

As it was, she pulled onto the street a few minutes later and parked her car in front of the house, a few feet behind her father's car. She grabbed her school bag and her coffee and then headed up towards the house. She didn't even make it to the door before it opened and Ella stepped outside. By her expression alone, Aria could tell she wasn't pleased with her.

"I _do_ love you, Aria, but what part of get back to the house right after dinner was so tough to understand," she asked as they stepped into the house.

Aria sighed and dropped onto the couch, looking up at her mother as she let her school bag drop onto the floor. "I only went to get a coffee," she insisted. "And then I came right here. I just didn't want to rush back. Besides, it's not like I went anywhere that wasn't out in public or wasn't safe." "No," her mother agreed. "But you were alone. Someone could've grabbed you and hurt you." "No one is going to kidnap me," Aria laughed disbelievingly.

"Don't be so sure about that." Ethan's voice surprised her. She wasn't used to people getting in the middle of her arguments with her parents. She wanted to argue the point further, but she was entirely befuddled that he had placed himself into the discussion to begin with.

"Why not?" She asked finally.

"You have no idea who this man is, that is after my son. We don't know what he looks like. Ezra has told me he only vaguely remembers the sound of the man's voice. That does little to help us. And as we explained the other day, there's no knowing whether he may want to hurt you." Ethan explained.

"And how can you be so sure that you wouldn't run into Grady," Ella said insistently as she sat down next to Aria. The mere mention of his name made her flinch. "I know you hate talking about him, but being out in public alone? He could have grabbed you, too." "Keep in mind, he's an attacker of convenience," Ethan reminded her. "Given the 'right' circumstances again, he'd be likely to try and hurt you a second time. Your attacker is different in Ezra's in one way. His is waiting for the perfect moment to strike. This Grady boy, he'll take the first one that appeals to him. And make no mistake, he'd probably be likely to try and hurt you worse this time, especially if he knew it would keep you quiet."

Aria sighed and nodded. She didn't want to discuss the subject further. "Can I go study now?"

Ella nodded.

Aria stood and walked down the hall the bedroom. Ezra was already curled up on it asleep. It was only going on eight PM, but from the way he was curled into the fetal position, she could only guess that he probably had a migraine from the day's events.

She quickly changed out of her shorts and t-shirt into a pair of pajama shorts and one of Ezra's t-shirts before grabbing a light blanket from the edge of the bed and curling up in the rocking chair with her history book. She spent the next hour reading and re-reading the last few chapters they'd studied in class before pulling out her flash cards that she'd made to study with, and went over them until she was sure she had them memorized.

After a while, she simply sat there in the rocker, staring out the window at the moon with her arms wrapped loosely around her legs. She knew Ella and Ethan were right about Grady. He'd made that very clear when he had cornered her in the hallway the week before. She also knew that they had been right about her going to get coffee. If he had been there, he could have easily chosen to go after her when she was walking in or out of the coffee shop. She hated knowing that he had any kind of power over her, but until there was a trial, there was little she could do to stop him. She already knew that he was slimy enough to work his way around a restraining order.

"Why are you still awake?" Ezra's voice was matted with sleep as he blinked at her wearily.

Aria looked over at him. "Just up thinking. Are you feeling any better. Hungry?" He shook his head tentatively. "Head still hurts. Lie with me?" Aria moved off the chair and walked over to the bed. She slipped beneath the blankets and rested her head up on her pillow. Ezra turned over as well, and her arm wrapped under his. She rubbed slow circles on his chest as they laid there, and eventually she fell asleep.

_-  
>We had the best and nothing less<br>__But the second we fell out of step, you up and left  
>-<em>

Ezra awoke late the next morning. Aria was already gone, and though his first class wasn't until ten, he already felt behind. His head was still throbbing, though not at the velocity it had been the night before.

He moved slowly off the bed, trying to be careful of any remaining dizziness or nausea that might be lingering, as he made his way out of the bedroom and across the hall. He ran a hot shower for himself and then stepped inside the tub and let the water beat down against his skin for a while. The pulsing spray helped to loosen up some of the knots in his neck and shoulders.

He quickly washed up after standing under the spray, and then rinsed off and got out. He wrapped a towel around himself and then headed back across the hall and changed into a pair of black denim shorts and light blue dress shirt. He rolled the sleeves up and then headed out of the room. Byron and Ethan were both seated at the table with mugs of coffee and a piece of the newspaper.

Ezra pulled the strap of his watch through the loop before adjusting it on his hand and checking the time. "Was anyone going to wake me?" "It's only quarter after nine," Ethan said. "Besides, I heard you wake up." Ezra nodded. He filled a glass with water and then grabbed a bottle of asprin off the counter and took two before drinking most of the water. He poured the little that was left down the drain and then grabbed his shoes and pulled them on.

Half an hour later, he was shuffling things around his desk. He'd sent in an order for a new coffee table a few days earlier, and he was hoping for the paperwork to come back through before summer break officially began. It had come with the office and was looking as if any little thing was going to be the end of it, so he'd decided to buy a new one out of his own pocket.

He huffed a sigh, realizing he didn't have the time to stand there and wait for someone to show up with the paperwork. He grabbed his thermos of coffee and then grabbed a stack of papers off his desk. Ethan tucked his phone in his pocket.

"Try and not be so grumpy," he teased lightly.

Ezra rolled his eyes at his father. "I'd like to be done with this place on Thursday. Once all the boxes are packed, I don't want to see this room for three months."

Ethan chuckled. "I'm sure whatever you're waiting on will come through soon enough. But a watched pot never boils. Now lets go before your students think that you've given them a free pass on their final exam."

They walked out of the room, but Ethan sensed that Ezra wasn't thawing any. He stared at his son as they walked down the hall, perplexed. "Unless, something else has got you rattled?"

Ezra stopped in his tracks, staring up at his father. "I thought you said this guy was going to show up, that he couldn't _not_ do it." "I did," Ethan nodded. "And I have absolute faith that he will. But if you spend all your time worrying about it, then it's only going to make the inevitable harder. Try to ignore it. You've got plenty to do here as it is."

Ezra scowled at his father, but he didn't have any time to stand there and argue the point more if he wanted to be on time to the start of his class. They walked through the halls in silence and entered the lecture hall the same way. Class was called into session a few minutes later, and Ezra forced his problems to the back of his mind as he gave basic instructions while he passed out packets. A few minutes later, silence fell over the room as the students worked on their finals. Ezra sat down at the desk on the floor and attempted to work on grading the finals he'd given the day before. He was interrupted a few minutes later, however, when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and brought the screen up.

_**I'm coming down the hall. **_

_**-Jackie**_

He closed the message and looked up around the room. A student looked up occasionally, or twisted a strand of hair as they worked. He exchanged a glance with Ethan before pushing up out of his seat and walking out into the hallway.

Jackie came around the corner from the end of the hall and walked over to him. She handed him a cup of coffee and then crossed her free arm under her chest, resting her fingers over her upper arm. "How's life?"

Ezra shrugged. "Life. What's up?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You say we're going to meet up and talk when you have a free minute, and a week passes. What's so important that you couldn't fit me into your schedule?"

Ezra shook his head. "I'm sorry. I got caught up with all this stalker crap, and the parents have been all over Aria and I about not spending a single moment alone. They've got this theory that one single moment alone is going to get one of us jumped."

"And you're so sure that they're right?" She asked.

Ezra shrugged and shook his head again. "I don't know. What I **do** know is that I don't want another bad memory to add to my list from last year. And the **last** thing I want is for things to backfire for Aria. She's had enough trouble as it is."

"Are you at least being honest with her now," Jackie asked.

Ezra rolled his eyes and she scowled at him.

"Get pissy all you want," she said. "But you're going to screw things up for yourself if you don't stop hiding your emotions to protect her. I've heard you talk about how she's the greatest thing that's ever happened to you, but you treat her like she's not worthy enough to know the real you."

"She-" Jackie shook her head at him. "Face it, Ezra. As long as you're doing all this dancing around the truth, you aren't really letting Aria know who you really are. I might've been wrong for things I said last year, but at least I knew the _real_ you. I saw what everything happening last year did to you, yet you hide it from her. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that she would understand and sympathize with you, so I'm just going to tell you this: girls get tired of waiting for the truth. And as much as she loves you and probably **needs **you right now, girls also hate being in a one-sided relationship." She paused for a moment, pressing her lips together. "I'd fix that before it becomes the downfall of your relationship."

_-  
>I took a chance, I took a shot<br>__And you might think I'm bulletproof  
>-<em>

Aria yawned, pushing up off the bed to remove her boots. She'd fallen asleep about an hour earlier after spending most of the afternoon outside with Ezra and their parents, and she'd been too tired to kick her boots off when she had come in and laid down.

Ezra pushed up off the bed behind her and grabbed the heel of her other boot and pulled it free. Aria turned her head and looked over at him.

"Figured you'd still be outside," she said as she yawned again. She dropped back down against the pillows and rolled into him, wrapping her arm over his side as she buried her face into his chest. Ezra's fingers moved into her hair.

"I came in a while ago," he whispered quietly. "Still got that headache."

"Tell me about it," Aria muttered. "I'm going to be so glad when finals are over and its finally summer vacation." She tilted her head up to look at him. "I think I actually might _vomit _if I have to read **one more word** from a textbook."

Ezra laughed, but she could tell that there wasn't any mirth behind it. She frowned and pushed up further on the bed so that she was face-to-face with him. Almost immediately, she spotted the tear tracks on his face, but he quickly turned away.

"Hey," she exclaimed. "Don't shut me out. What's wrong?"

Ezra looked over at her. He honestly didn't feel that it was fair to be telling her about all of his own crap, when he knew she was dealing with her own thing. He was all too aware of how unfair it was to her that everything he was dealing with at the moment was totally overshadowing what she had just been put through. His issues weren't even new, but they were being given more attention than his.

"This isn't fair to you," he said finally. "Everyone's focusing on me and my crap, and yours just keeps getting pushed to the side, like it means nothing. It's not okay." Aria nodded, biting the inside of her cheek for a moment. "I know you're right, but I know that's not the only reason you're upset. So what is?"

He rolled his eyes as tears ran down the sides of his face. Her thumbs brushed against his temples, wiping away the salted drops.

"I keep thinking about everything my dad has said and how things just seem to be going in circles. I mean they're talking about how this guy is waiting for 'the perfect moment', but yet I'm constantly surrounded. Somehow to me, it just feels like he's not going to wait for the most 'perfect' moment. I just have this really bad feeling."

Aria leaned forward and kissed his cheek before wrapping one arm under his neck and the other over his torso, hugging him as tightly to her as she could without hurting or choking him.

"You can't think like that," she said insistently. "I could list a dozen obnoxious reasons about why you shouldn't but the one I know will work is this one: if you think like that, I'm going to think like that, and neither one of us is going to get any sleep. I **know** you don't want that."

Ezra cracked a smile, and Aria grinned. He lifted his chin and kissed her chastely. "You're pretty great, you know that?"

Aria chuckled and gave a small smile. "You're not so bad yourself."

"I think I'm okay to sleep now," he murmured softly. Aria exhaled a sigh and moved back down on the bed. She rested her head on his chest, placing her hand up near his heart as Ezra tugged on the blankets and covered them both with a thin comforter.

He laid there in silence with her and brushed his fingers through her hair, listening intently as her breathing slowed and became deeper until she was fast asleep. He let his mind wander as they laid there together, and he couldn't help but let his thoughts fall back to what he'd told her. He genuinely meant it when he told her he was scared. He was terrified that this would go wrong and come back to slap him in the face. He desperately didn't want it to, but he also knew that not many things had worked out in his favor in the last few months.

All the lectures he'd received from everyone lately were clear in his mind also, though. He remembered everything Ella, Byron, his parents _and _Jackie had said to him about being honest with him. He'd be lying if he said that a part of him didn't desperately want to just drop his guard and tell her everything he was feeling. Keeping every single thought and emotion a secret from her just to protect her was a heavy undertaking, and it weighed on his shoulders.

But even though it did, he hated the idea of hurting her even more. He knew that she was suffering in silence because of him. Because of his issues, she was burying everything she was feeling. That had become clear to him when he'd seen the cut on her arm the previous week. It was his fault that **she** didn't have anyone she felt she could confide in, because he should've been that person. But instead, he was sucking up all the extra attention himself because of a psycho wouldn't leave him alone.

He'd never wished bad things on people, but a part of him hoped like hell that one day someone was going to make that man suffer the way he had made Ezra and so many other college students suffer. Even though he wasn't the first victim to the man, he felt largely responsible – at least for the abuse that more current victims had suffered. It seemed pretty clear that _those_ attacks were his fault.

Yet again he was blaming himself for ever running that article. And it **was **his fault, after all, wasn't it? He'd written and released the story, hadn't he? He'd insisted it went on the front page, above the fold. Everything that had happened to him because of that man was entirely his fault, and he knew it.


	14. That's One Way To Afford A Horizon

_Chapter 14_

_It's One Way To Afford A Horizon_

Aria scowled as she drug her feet lazily into the kitchen the next morning. Her scowl deepened as she bumped into her father.

"Coffee," she growled.

Byron chuckled and stepped aside. He was chatting on his cell phone to someone, but Aria ignored him as she grabbed two mugs from the counter and filled them. She added cream and sugar to both before stirring them with a spoon and then grabbing the mugs and walking back to the bedroom.

She settled one mug on the table next to Ezra and then shook his shoulder gently. He groaned and looked up at her. She offered him the mug she was still holding. Ezra sat up and took it from her. Aria picked up the other mug and took a long drink from it.

"Last day," he murmured after taking a drink from his own cup. He let out a soft moan of approval at its taste.

Aria chuckled, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Yeah, and then all I have to worry about is finding a new therapist, going through a trial, and figuring out whether I'm staying at Rosewood Day."

Ezra gave her a sympathetic smile before taking another drink from his coffee. He reached over and grabbed his watch off the table, checking the time. "We should get up. Its almost seven."

Aria pouted. "I'm sleeping 'til noon tomorrow."

Ezra chuckled. "I'll hold you to that."

They both moved off the bed, and Aria grabbed a pair of clean clothes from her duffel bag before walking out of the room and into the bathroom. She turned the shower on and let the water run for a few moments as she stripped out of her pajamas, and then stepped under the stream.

She pulled the glass door shut behind her and let the water wet her hair. After she was thoroughly wet, she washed her hair and then washed her body. Once she rinsed off she got out of the shower and quickly dried off and then dressed. She pulled on dark grey denim shorts that fell mid-way to her thigh, and a long black tank top. She adjusted it on her shoulders before walking across the hallway back to the bedroom. Ezra had dressed in a pair of blue jean shorts and a sea foam green shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

Aria tossed her dirty clothes into a basket resting on the floor and then opened her duffel bag again and pulled out a hairbrush. She ran it through her hair before pulling her hair up into a high ponytail.

"You look nice," Ezra teased as he pulled a sneaker on one of his feet. Aria smiled at him.

"Likewise."

Before either of them could say anything else, Ella popped her head around the doorframe.

"We need to get going," she said.

Aria nodded. She picked up her bag from the floor and then leaned over and pecked Ezra on the lips. She smiled at him before walking out of the room.

"Bye, honey. I love you," he called teasingly after her. Aria popped her head back around the doorframe and stuck her tongue out at him.

She took on the highest pitch sing-songy voice she could. "Bye, baby. Olive juice too."

Laughter crossed the house at their antics, and Aria giggled as well as she walked into the sitting room. She grabbed her sandals from the floor and pulled them on her feet. Afterwards, she followed her mother out of the house and toward their cars.

_-  
>Listen, listen, I would take a whisper<br>__If that's all you had to give  
>-<em>

The morning passed easily for Aria. She buckled down and managed to do pretty well on her finals, before heading back to her locker and clearing it out. It took her a bit, but most of the students were gone at that point, except for a few who'd had their lockers plastered with photos and pin-ups.

She headed down the hallway, tossing a crumpled ball of paper into the trash as she came around a corner. She was happy that the school year was finally over. It meant that she wouldn't have to see Grady on a daily basis anymore, and that her world was wide open. Granted, there were the things she'd talked to Ezra about that morning, but those things wouldn't monopolize her entire summer.

She stumbled as she was suddenly yanked to the side, and winced as her back slammed into the wall. Her eyes opened a moment later as she was shoved through a door. Before she could manage to gather her bearings, she was pinned up against a wall.

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right here."

His voice was loud, and his breath smelled terribly. Aria grimaced as she opened her eyes to look at him. His hand was resting at the base of her neck, and his body was pressed up against hers. He wasn't squeezing her throat, but she knew if he wanted to, he could hurt her.

"What?" She murmured.

"Casey Walker dumped me because of you. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't snap your little twig of a neck right now and leave you here." He seethed.

Aria looked up into his steely green eyes, clenching her jaw as she swallowed hard. "At least she knows the truth about you. She deserves better." He squeezed his hand around her throat and Aria squirmed. He let up his hold a moment later and laughed as she struggled to take a breath, but his body was still pressed up against hers, keeping her pinned against the wall.

"You're a whore and you know it." His words dripped with malice. "You earned everything that happened to you. What kind of sixteen year old in their right mind sleeps with a twenty-three year old. Fitz sees you for the **whore** you are. I just capitalized on it." She'd be lying if she denied that his words stung her, even if they weren't true. But she couldn't dwell long, as his hands roamed over her body and moved under her shirt, pulling at the button on her shorts.

Aria suddenly whipped her body away from him, only to have him press her up against the wall, face first. He shoved his hand into her panties, and she cried out as his nails dug into her skin from the roughness of his movements. He let up on her a few moments later to remove unbutton his own jeans, and she chose that moment to strike.

With the small amount of room, there was very little she could do to move, but she managed to elbow him in the side of the head. He fell into the wall next to them, and Aria turned around and charged for the door, just two feet away.

Grady grabbed her arm and slammed her back against the wall. His hand slapped across her face, knocking her to the floor. He came down on top of her and attempted to pin her arms above her head, hitting her several times in the face in the process. Aria screamed and squirmed below him, and said a silent prayer at her years in gymnastics as a kid when she managed to get a leg tucked up to her chest.

With all the force she could muster, she kicked him squarely in the chest, knocking him off of her again, and onto the floor. She pushed herself up from the floor quickly and then ran for the door once more.

She got it pulled halfway open when he yanked on her ponytail, but she let out a shrill scream. He gripped her face in his other hand so tightly that his nails dug into her skin, and began spewing out a stream of curses at her.

The door behind him opened a few moments later, and he was yanked off of her by the principal and two teachers. They tried to tend to Aria, but she quickly pushed past them and walked out of the room. She left her dropped bag on the floor and walked through the halls until she came to stand in front of her mother's classroom.

"Mom?" Her voice trembled as Ella looked up at her.

Ella gaped at the sight of her daughter and quickly dashed over to her. Aria jumped when her mother actually touched her. Her shorts were still unbuttoned, and the collar of her shirt was ripped.

"Aria, what happened?" Ella cried.

Aria shook her head. Her hand shook as she reached down and struggled to button her shorts. She could see that she had scrapes on her hands and arms, and her wrists and throat hurt where he'd grabbed her.

"I don't know exactly," she murmured. Her mouth felt incredibly dry. "I was leaving, and he grabbed me, and pulled me in the bathroom. I j-just kept screaming."

Ella shook her head, grabbing her bottle of water and a box of tissues from the front desk. She took the cap off the water and poured a small amount onto a tissue and as she helped Aria to settle on the top of one of the desks. She wiped gently at the smeared make up, but her main concern was a bleeding cut next to Aria's left eye.

"He won't get away with this," Ella said firmly. "Did…Did he-"

"No," Aria said quickly. "I kept fighting him, and screaming. The principal, a-and Mrs. Welsh, and some other teacher must've heard me." Ella nodded, frowning. She walked over to her desk and opened it. She pulled out a first aid kit and opened it up, and then placed two thin strips over the cut on Aria's face. She had a few other scrapes, but none of them were bleeding as badly as the one next to her eye, and they didn't warrant bandages.

"My bag," she said softly. "I dropped it when he grabbed me. I have another shirt in it."

"I've got it." Ella and Aria looked up toward the door as the principal stepped into the room carrying Aria's bag. He walked over to them and handed over the bag. Aria took it from him nervously. She dug through it with twitchy fingers until she found the t-shirt. She pulled it out and then moved off the desk.

"Use the teacher's bathroom," Ella said. "It's just a few doors down." Aria nodded. She walked out of the room and into the teacher's bathroom. Once inside, she locked the door behind her and then changed numbly into the clean shirt. It was a very light pink with dinosaurs on it. After she changed, she looked up at herself in the mirror. Bruises were trying to start to come through on her neck. She frowned at her reflection, and several tears ran down her face.

She turned the faucet on at the sink and washed her hands quickly before grabbing her ripped shirt and walking out of the room. She walked quickly back to her mother's classroom. Ella was stuffing things into her briefcase.

"Ready to go?" She asked Aria.

Aria nodded.

Ella walked over to the door and flipped the light switch off. There was nothing that needed be done so urgently that day that couldn't be put off until the next. Once they were out of the room, Ella wrapped a loose arm around Aria, rubbing her hand comfortingly up and down Aria's arm.

_-  
>Meet me in the shadows<br>__Won't you tell me what you've found  
>-<em>

Ezra looked over at Ethan as he dropped a book into a box and pulled the flaps down. He could tell that Ethan was bored. And even though he should've been grading papers, all he wanted to do was get the office packed up. The less time he had to spend in it, the better.

"Why don't you just go," he asked. "I'm sure Byron has something _really _interesting going on in his office." Ethan chuckled. "There's a reason I'm here." Ezra rolled his eyes. "Yes, a reason that hasn't made itself very present. He's obviously not going to show up today. I'm just waiting for the paperwork on the new coffee table, and then I'm leaving, and I'm not coming back until some time tomorrow afternoon to finish cleaning things up in here."

Ethan shook his head at Ezra. Ezra returned to packing boxes, and things were silent for a few minutes, before Ethan's phone began to ring. Ezra looked up at him for a brief moment before turning his attention back to the boxes.

"You did **what**!"

Ezra looked back up at his father again, eyes wide. That was a tone he knew well, and he was pretty sure that Ethan had probably done something stupid. He shook his head, though he couldn't help but laugh a little. It was nice to see his brother get a little bit of parenting after the past week being focused all on him.

"Damn it, Eli. I'll see what I can do. I'll call them back in a bit. Hang tight, alright?" Ethan said. He hung up his phone a moment later.

Ezra raised an eyebrow. "What'd he do?" "Joined a protest against some study that's supposed to happen in the science department. Apparently it's cruelty to animals, and he joined a couple of friends. Some of the kids got rowdy about it though, and a bunch of them got arrested. They're saying they won't release him because he doesn't have the money for a bond." Ethan explained.

Ezra cackled softly as he shook his head. "Just go. He needs you more right now than I do."

Ethan stared Ezra down. "I **won't** leave you vulnerable to this psycho, EJ. I just won't."

"Byron is just a few hallways away," Ezra insisted. "And I'm leaving here in just a bit. I _swear _I'm just waiting on that paperwork. Half-hour, tops, and I'll be out of here. Now **go**. Your other son needs you right now."Ethan clearly wasn't sold on the option, but he didn't fight it any further anyway. He tucked his phone into his pocket and then looked back up at Ezra. "**Anything** happens, and you call me first thing, alright?"Ezra nodded. He waved as Ethan headed out of the room. He spent the next few minutes continuing to pack things up into boxes. He already had the finals that he needed to grade packed up into his bag to take home and grade.

"Ezra Fitz?"

Ezra looked up from his desk, holding a book in his hands. A man was standing in the doorway with a clipboard in his hands. A silent rush of mirth rushed through him. He'd be able to get out of there quicker than he planned.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

The man nodded. "Got some papers for you to sign for a new table ordered?" The name on his shirt said Adam.

Ezra nodded, looking over at the one still sitting in the room. It looked desperately pathetic compared to all the other furniture in his office. It was easily obvious that it was old, and not in a good way. He walked over to the man and took the clipboard from him.

"Just need your account number and a few signatures," Adam said as Ezra looked over the sheet. He looked around the room. "You seem to have a nice setup here."

Ezra looked up at him and then back down at the papers he was signing. "Thanks."

"Certainly have come a long way in a year."

Ezra furrowed his brow and looked up at the guy. "Excuse me?"

"Don't recognize me?" Adam asked.

Ezra looked at him suspiciously. "Excuse me?"

Before he realized what had happened, he was on the ground, blood dripping from his lower lip. He brought his good hand up to his lip "What the hell?" His eyes grew wide as he watched Adam pull the door shut. Suddenly he couldn't scramble fast enough to get to his feet as dozens of new flashbacks ran through his mind like a racing movie reel. "Get the hell out of here, now!"

"**You** drove me out of town," Adam growled as he advanced towards Ezra. He punched him again, and then kneed him in the gut. "Had a pretty nice setup before you went to the paper."

He shoved Ezra to the ground and dropped next to him, holding him by the collar of his shirt as he returned to punching him.

"You were raping students," Ezra argued as he tried to deflect the man's fists. He screamed as Adam brought his knee down on his healing wrist.

"I should've killed you that day in your dorm," he growled s he picked up Ezra by the collar and slammed his head back into the floor. He moved to his feet and began kicking Ezra in the torso.

Ezra struggled to get onto his elbows and knees, trying to get in a breath. "Why come back now," he gasped in several short breaths.

"Because you're the unfinished piece of the puzzle," Adam growled. The memory rang in Ezra's mind of his father saying that. Adam stomped on Ezra's cast-covered arm several times, causing the plaster to fracture and weaken as he did so. He pushed himself up onto his hands with less restraint from the cast, and Adam kicked him, knocking him into the coffee table. It finally gave way, and one of the legs snapped off.

"You'll never get away with his," Ezra groaned, spewing blood from his split lip. "Someone will catch you eventually."

Adam kicked him in the side of the head, effectively knocking him unconscious. The last relevant thought running through his head was that this was the same man he'd spotted chatting up his girlfriend a few days earlier in a coffee shop.

_-  
>No I've never seen the sky<br>__As vanilla as tonight  
>-<em>

Byron walked through the halls towards Ezra's office. He'd just gotten a call from Ethan asking for him to check in on Ezra, when a phone call had gone unanswered. Normally, he would've drummed the missed call up to kids being kids, but after the call he'd gotten just minutes before that from Ella telling him that Aria had been attacked at school, he wasn't leaving anything to chance.

He pulled the office door open, and the sight before him made him want to vomit. By the look on the man's face in front of him, he very clearly wasn't supposed to have stumbled upon the current situation, but from what he could tell, his daughter's boyfriend wasn't exactly conscious to consent to it.

Blind rage filled him, and he dove after Adam before he could even pull any sort of weapon. He sent the younger man flying into the remnants of the coffee table nearby, crushing it to the ground as two more of the table legs snapped off. Byron's fists drilled into the man's head, and though Adam tried to fight, Byron's rage allowed him to dominate the situation.

"Hey- hey! Don't kill him!"

The voice broke through Byron's reverie and he looked up to see Jackie kneeling over next to Ezra. There was so much blood running down his face that he was nearly unrecognizable.

"If you kill him, Ezra is going to kill you," Jackie said. "Just keep him there."

Byron looked back down at the man pinned beneath him. He was breathing raggedly, and was bleeding from his nose and upper lip, barely conscious. "Don't worry. He's not going anywhere."

Jackie nodded, dialing a number on her cell phone. Byron could tell by the words exchanged that she was talking to an emergency dispatcher. He couldn't help but chuckle at her choice in words, even though it wasn't funny.

"_You need to send an ambulance and the police to the Hollis English Department. Your campus rapist just tried to attack again."_

The next few minutes were passed quietly, as Byron kept his grip tightly on the man pinned beneath him, and Jackie tried to coax Ezra back to consciousness. From what Byron could see, he had a few cuts on his head, and a nosebleed that had stopped, but there didn't appear to be anything life-threatening.

"Do you know how far he got," Jackie asked tentatively, looking up at Byron.

Byron shook his head. He reached a hand back and gently squeezed Ezra's fingers. Ezra attempted to squeeze his in return. "He's coming around."

"I took it _all _the way," Adam said spitefully. Byron pulled his hand free from Ezra's and punched Adam as hard as he could. The younger man groaned.

Jackie took off her jacket and began to wipe away the blood covering his face. Ezra groaned and winced under her touch.

"I swear to God, I'll drive the spike of my heel right into your throat if you don't shut the hell up," she growled at Adam. "I'll leave it there, too. You can't really wash **scum** off of two hundred dollar shoes."

"S'not worth it," Ezra groaned, leaning his back up off the floor as he coughed.

Jackie leaned down towards him, turning his head to her line of vision. "What hurts?"

Ezra winced. "The table leg digging in my back."

"Don't move him."

Jackie looked up towards the sound that the strict order had come from. An EMT was coming towards them. He was quickly flanked by police officers and more EMTs, who had a stretcher with them.

"Sir, you can't-"

"That's my son in there!"

Jackie and Byron whipped their heads around at the police officer trying to bar Byron from getting into the room.

Ezra strained to see through the blood that had run into his eyes. "S'my dad," he rasped.

"Let him in," Jackie told the cop at the door. "I want out of here."

"We need your statement," another piped in as he shoved Adam to his feet.

"So follow me to my office," she argued with the officer. "I didn't touch anything in here besides him, anyway."

Ethan walked over to Ezra and brushed his hair away from his face as he knelt down next to him on the floor.

"Broke my cast," Ezra said. His voice was cracked and raw from choking and coughing. "Ow, damn it!" He growled at one of the EMTs as he moved Ezra's arm. "You **DO **realize the kind of force it takes to break plaster, don't you?"

"Sorry, Mr. Fitz.""Mr. Fitz is my father," he murmured wearily a moment later.

They finally shifted him, rolling him off the table leg that had snapped off the coffee table so that they could put the body board under him to put him on the stretcher.

"I'm gonna follow you up to the hospital," Byron insisted as he lifted his phone to his ear. He pushed up from the floor and walked out of the room.

Ethan was pushed back as the EMTs worked to get Ezra settled onto the stretcher and then pulled him out of the room. An officer pulled him aside and asked a few questions about Ezra before he was ushered out of the room so that they could start taking photos and sketches of the crime scene.

_-  
>No it don't feel like sleep<br>__When I miss a lot, its true  
>-<em>

Aria paced the waiting room of the hospital as they waited on Ezra's doctors. As far as they knew, he wasn't so severely injured that he needed surgery, but none of them had been allowed back into his room yet, either.

Her hand was covered in a black brace, which was issued when her mother insisted she get checked out after they'd shown up at the hospital. Her bruises were coming in more and more as time passed, and she had one on her hip from being thrown into the wall that hurt pretty bad, but her left wrist had been sprained from Grady throwing her around.

"Aria, sit down and breathe," Ella said softly.

Aria shook her head, continuing to pace in a straight line in the waiting room. "Not until I know something."

Byron walked into the room carrying a tray of coffees. Aria's eyes quickly fell to his knuckles as he pulled one of the coffees out and offered it to her. They were bruised and bandaged from going after Adam. She took it tentatively, but then resumed pacing.

Ethan walked into the room a moment later and looked from Aria to her parents, and then to Dr. Sullivan. He walked over to a free chair between Dr. Sullivan and Byron and sat down.

"Did you find anything out," Dr. Sullivan asked.

Ethan shook his head, taking a coffee from Byron. "Not much. The police don't want to say much. I know that they're getting in touch with other precincts that have victims. This case just went federal. The FBI wants to come in and hang him."

"Good." Aria stopped pacing, and each of the adults looked up at her, slightly surprised in her reaction. She looked to Ethan. "That's good, right?"

Ethan nodded. "To a degree, yes, but its going to be a tight ship from here on out. They're going to want him on the stand, though. I know that for sure. He's got too much a stake in this case to not be up there."

"Alright," Dr. Sullivan said. "Just remember that you're his **father**, and that's what he needs you to be. He doesn't need another cop around him right now."

"Anne Sullivan?" Aria spun in her place at the sound of what she assumed was a doctors voice. Ethan and Dr. Sullivan stood from their seats and walked over to the doctor. Aria stood nearby, but she didn't attempt to barge into the conversation. Even so, the doctor spoke in an even tone loud enough that she could hear him clearly.

"We're just getting Ezra ready to discharge right now. He's got a nasty concussion, and the attack aggravated his broken wrist. I'd like to keep him in a temporary cast for a few days until the swelling goes down, and then take another x-ray. With any luck we won't have to do surgery. He came through pretty well otherwise. He's got a myriad of bruises and cuts. He _did_ warrant stitches in his bottom lip and forehead, which will need to be removed in a few weeks. He's also got some major bruising on his ribs, but with rest and no major physical activity, he should be alright in a few weeks." The doctor paused for a moment, making sure they heard what he was saying before he continued. "Now, I've explained all of this to your son, but we gave him something for the pain, so he's going to be out of it for a while. I also wrote him a prescription for the next few days for the pain. We'll reevaluate an extended script when he comes in for more x-rays next week."

"Can we see him?" Dr. Sullivan asked finally.

The doctor nodded. "He kept asking for someone named Aria?"

Dr. Sullivan extended an arm to Aria. Aria walked over to her, and welcomed the arm that wrapped around her shoulders. They followed quietly behind the doctor as he led them through the doors that blocked the waiting room from the trauma rooms. After a few minutes, they entered the room together.

Dr. Sullivan quickly dashed to Ezra's side as he swayed on his feet, struggling to button his shorts. He looked up at her, and his eyes grew wide for a moment as she helped him to sit back down on the bed.

"Ezra, what're you doing? You could've hurt yourself!"

"Just wanna get out of here," he murmured, keeping his eyes shut for a moment. "My head is spinning."

"That tends to happen when you get kicked in the skull," Dr. Sullivan said. "Did the police question you?"

He nodded slowly. "Couldn't tell them much. I don't even know what he did."

Aria stood in the doorway with her arms crossed tightly, watching as Ezra interacted with his mother. He had a black eye from being kicked and punched repeatedly, and bruising along his jaw. They had only done so much to clean him up, so she could still see blood near his nose from being punched there.

Ezra finally looked up at her, and his mouth dropped as he saw her face and neck. "What the **hell** happened?"

It broke Aria's heart that even in his current state, he could ask her what had happened to **her**. She shook her head as she walked over to him and grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly. "It doesn't matter. I'm okay. Let's just get you home."

_-  
>Its so hard to give you up<br>__But so easy to pretend  
>-<em>

Ezra winced as he settled back against the pillows on the bed in his room. They had stopped at the pharmacy long enough to fill his prescriptions, which consisted of pain medications, topical ointments for his cuts, and preventative antibiotics. Aria had gone back to her house with her parents long enough to retrieve some fresh clothing before returning to Dr. Sullivan's house. Even though Adam had been arrested, they had no clue as to whether he would be released on bail, and Aria was insistent that she wanted to be with Ezra. There was nothing her parents could do or say to change her mind.

She walked over to the bed and at down in the space next to him. She handed him a glass of water. Ezra took it from her and took a drink before settling it on the nightstand nearby. They both shifted down on the bed and Aria wrapped her arms around Ezra as he rested his head on her chest. She brushed her fingers gently through his hair.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly.

"Bad, _bad_ headache," he murmured softly. He closed his eyes, only to open them moments later. Every time he closed his eyes, he kept seeing Adam's face just before he'd lost consciousness. He didn't know much beyond what technical jargon he'd heard the doctors and police saying. When he'd come to in his office, the last thing he remembered was getting kicked in the head, but all they were saying was 'possible penetration'. The unanswered question running through his mind was plaguing him.

Aria pulled her hand gently from his hair.

"Don't stop," Ezra said softly. "That feels good."

She resumed the movements with her fingers as they laid there, taking comfort in the fact that he seemed to relax as they laid there. After a while, though, she worried whether he was okay mentally. She was sure he was wondering the same things she was.

"Are you alright? In your head I mean," she asked.

"I just want to know what he did when I was out," Ezra said wearily. "How far did he get?"

Aria tilted her head down and kissed the top of his head. She moved her free hand under his shirt and rubbed circles on his back. Ezra moaned softly in approval. She could tell that he wasn't going to be able to cling to consciousness for much longer, no matter how hard he tried.

"Sleep," she commanded softly. "I'll still be here when you wake up."


	15. In The Morning I'll Be With You

**A/N:** So's... I haven't updated in forever, right? Well I'll be updating again tomorrow since I'm at my sisters for the night. Anyhow... I give you chapter 15. (While I figure out how to write 24...)

_Chapter 15_

_In The Morning, I'll Be With You_

Aria pushed the blankets off of her body and winced as she sat up. She stretched her arms over her head, biting hard on her bottom lip in attempt to quell the dull ache next to her eye. She opened her eyes after a moment and looked around the room. She turned her head, bringing her hand up to her neck as it ached when she turned it. Having forgot about the clunky brace on her wrist, she was surprised when it scraped gently against her neck. She pulled her hand away and looked down at it. Memories of the day before started flooding into her mind, and suddenly the bruises on her neck and arms made sense.

She leaned over and kissed Ezra on the side of the head and then moved off the bed. She walked out of the room and headed down the hall to the kitchen. Ella was settled at the counter with a stack of papers. She looked up as Aria entered the room, and pushed a cup of coffee across the counter.

"You father picked it up before he went over to Hollis."

Aria took the cup from the counter and brought it to her lips, taking a long drink. It was a vanilla latte, and close to room temperature.

"I thought you said you were sleeping until noon today," Ella said as she marked a paper with a red pen.

Aria turned and looked at the clock. It was only nine AM. "Couldn't sleep anymore. Ezra kicks when he's drugged."

Ella chuckled and looked up at Aria. "So do you. And you roll around like a worm when you're sick."

Aria scrunched her nose in distaste. "Don't remind me. Can I go hang out with Spencer today?"

Ella settled her pen on her paper and folded her hands over it, smiling up at Aria. "Sure. I just figured you'd want to spend today with Ezra. After yesterday, and everything you both went through…"

Aria looked down at the floor. "I just don't want to be sitting here in silence, thinking about it all."

Ella nodded. "Well, I'm going to head over to the high school and finish up this grading and box up the rest of our things and then take them home. But I _may _have asked Dr. Sullivan if she would mind the girls visiting you, if you weren't up for going out."

"Thanks," Aria murmured.

Ella nodded again. She pushed up off the stool she was seated on and stuffed the papers she was grading into the folder nearby and then placed it in a bag lying on the counter. She walked around it and kissed Aria's forehead.

"Your dad should be back sometime in the early afternoon. Call the girls."

Ella walked out of the house and Aria stood there for a long moment. This was a first for her. She was used to spending the first day of summer with her friends, somewhere in the city or at one of their houses. Even when she had spent the previous year in Iceland, her first day of summer was spent at a party on the beach. She woke up the next morning next to a guy she'd met at the end of the school year and walked home.

She was used to having her entire summer planned out before she even started her final exams. Still being in the house with no plans this far into the summer was saying a lot.

Aria took another drink from her coffee and then walked down the hall to the bedroom. She walked around the bed and grabbed her phone from the desk and then walked back out of the room. She dialed Spencer's number as she walked back into the sitting room. The line clicked over on the first ring.

"_Hey! What happened yesterday?" _

Aria exhaled a sigh as she sunk down onto the couch in the sitting room. "Come over and I'll tell you. It was a long afternoon."

"_Okay. Hanna and Em are here-" _

"Bring them too," Aria murmured.

"_Alright. We'll be over in like half an hour with breakfast." _

Aria pulled her phone away from her ear and settled it on the table next to the couch. She took another drink from her cup of coffee and then pushed up from her seat again.

She back to the bedroom again and grabbed her duffel bag with her clean clothes. She opened it up and pulled out a pair of shorts and a white tank top and then walked across the hall to the bathroom to change. Once she was dressed in fresh clothes, she changed the bandages on the side of her head and then walked back to the bedroom and tossed her pajamas on the floor and walked back to the sitting room. She grabbed her coffee from the table and then walked into the kitchen and looked around. She had time to kill before her friends showed up.

She wandered across the room and headed down the hall on the other side of the house. She'd never seen that side of the house. She walked over to the first door and turned the knob.

The bedroom must've been Elijah's, because it was the epitome of sports. Posters of football players and basketball players and swimmers covered the walls. There was a corkboard on the wall with papers tacked onto it that seemed to hold stats on them. The bed was unmade from Ethan sleeping in it, and there were notebooks and clothes all over the floor.

She closed the door and then walked a few feet down, across the hall to the room where her parents had been sleeping for the last few days. She opened the door and looked around. It was a bland room. The walls were white, and the bedding was a plain black chiffon. There were a few large black and white photos hanging on the walls. They were the kind that you could buy in the stores with photos of places that you'd never heard of.

She turned towards the end of the hall. There was a bathroom another few feet away, and then one more room at the very end of the hall. She walked over to it and opened the door. Her jaw dropped slightly as she looked around. There were instruments everywhere, as well as a baby grand piano in one of the corners. On the other side of the room sat a couch and a small entertainment system, though the TV was bigger. There were also gaming systems all over the floor, and a Wii was currently connected to the TV.

She walked over to the guitars and picked up an acoustic from it's stand. She walked over to the piano bench and sat down. She balanced the guitar on her knee and then strummed a few chords on it. After a few strums, memories of guitar lessons a boy in Iceland had given her started coming back. She did a few different chords to make sure she had them right, and then started strumming a repetitive variation before finding her footing with the song that was stuck in her head.

"Playing something magical?"

Aria jumped and looked up from the guitar. A bleary-eyed Ezra was standing in the doorway, leaning up against the doorframe. She smiled up at him.

"I've got a song stuck in my head."

Ezra nodded. He stood up straight and walked over to her, sitting down gingerly. She took the time to take in his appearance. Over night, bruising had filled in under his bottom lip, and around the stitched cut on his forehead, but from what she could tell, some of the swelling in his various injuries had also gone down as well.

"Play," he insisted.

Aria looked back down at the guitar. She strummed a few chords and then began to play.

_"Here in the stillness, the quiet place  
><em>_Where I'm lying with a down turned face  
><em>_You come and distract me  
><em>_From what's coming at me..."_

She watched as a slow smile started to pull across Ezra's face.

_"Give me something to look forward to  
><em>_Truth be told, sometimes it's only you  
><em>_Nothing is at stake here  
><em>_When we are awake here_

_It's you who brings the morning  
><em>_And you who takes the sun when I sleep  
><em>_you're the only who stuck around  
><em>_For me when I was losing  
><em>_Faith in what I thought I would be  
><em>_you're the only one in the dark I see  
><em>_The dark I see  
><em>_The dark I see_

_I know I lose my heart so easily  
><em>_Trying to only show the best of me  
><em>_And I go into hiding  
><em>_Each time I stop trying_

_Oh, you remind me of the little things  
><em>_'Til I forget the part that's troubling  
><em>_And I feel so much better  
><em>_When we are together_

_It's you who brings the morning  
><em>_And you who takes the sun when I sleep  
><em>_you're the only who stuck around  
><em>_For me when I was losing  
><em>_Faith in what I thought I would be  
><em>_you're the only one in the dark I see  
><em>_The dark I see  
><em>_The dark I see_

_'Cause it's you who brings the morning  
><em>_And you who takes the sun when I sleep  
><em>_you're the only who stuck around  
><em>_For me when I was losing  
><em>_Faith in what I thought I would be  
><em>_you're the only one in the dark I see..."_

She settled the guitar aside. Ezra brushed his finger through her hair and leaned forward. He kissed her chastely and smiled at her as he pulled away.

"How do I even begin to put into words how much I love you?" He murmured.

Aria smiled back at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She leaned over and kissed him again. Ezra brushed his hand up her back but Aria winced when his cast bumped a bruise on her spine.

"Ow." The word was spoken simultaneously between them. Aria pulled away and the pained expression was clear on both their faces. Ezra pulled his arm back and brought his hand up to his mouth. A cut inside his lip had split.

"Since when did kissing become dangerous for us?" Aria giggled.

Ezra shook his head, licking away the drop of blood on his bottom lip. "I don't know." He was about to say something else, when the doorbell rang. He raised an eyebrow and then winced again.

Aria stood and put the guitar back on its stand and then turned back to Ezra. "Spencer, Hanna, and Emily are coming over with breakfast. That's probably them now."

Ezra nodded slowly. "I'm going to go change."

They walked out of the room and down the hall together. Aria turned her head and looked up at Ezra.

"I _am_ curious. Who's the musical one?"

Ezra shrugged, moving the fabric of his temporary cast and itching the skin under it. "I started taking piano lessons when I was five. Elijah was always into the whole idea of being in a band, so he started playing guitar when he was eight, but for me it was always about doing something cathartic. Playing the piano did that for me." Aria smiled at him. She pushed up onto the tips of her toes as they walked into hallway leading down to Ezra's bedroom and grabbed the collar of his t-shirt. She kissed him quickly and then walked over to the door and opened it. Spencer smiled at her and lifted a bag of food.

"Eggs and bacon?"

Aria smiled and nodded, stepping aside. The girls streamed into the house and they each took the time to look around the room. Aria sat down on the couch where she usually sat, while Spencer sat down on the opposite end. Hanna sat down on a chair nearby and Emily sat down on the floor on the other side of the coffee table. Spencer settled the bag of food on the table while Emily pulled coffees out of a tray she'd carried in. She offered one to Aria. Aria took it from her and set it on the table next to her before grabbing the one her mother bought for her. Aria took a drink from it.

"So what happened?" Spencer asked as she pulled to-go boxes from the bag she'd brought in.

Aria took a drink from her cup of coffee as she tucked her feet under her. "Grady was at the school-"

"We heard about that," Emily said. "Casey Walker told someone who told someone else. Long story short, it got to us. But why didn't you call after that?"

"She was with me."

All of the girls looked up towards the doorway as Ezra walked into the room, dressed in a pair of shorts and a red t-shirt. Aria could see the shock in her friends faces as they took in the bruises and injuries that coated Ezra's skin. Staring at him from with their perspectives in mind, Aria could see how this was an entirely different side of Ezra that they never expected to see.

"B-breakfast?" Spencer stammered when she was able to find words. "We brought you some, too."

One corner of Ezra's mouth pulled up into a smile and he walked over to the couch. Aria moved over to the middle seat and Ezra sat down next to her. Aria handed him her unfinished cup of coffee and then reached over and grabbed the new one. Spencer passed over another to-go tray and then settled the empty bag on the floor.

"Is Grady back in jail?" Hanna asked as she stabbed her fork into her fruit salad.

Aria shrugged and shook her head. "I don't know. I didn't stick around long enough to find out what was going to happen to him. I just wanted to get out of there."

Ezra brushed a hand up and down her back gently as he poorly attempted to stab his fork into scrambled eggs. His broken hand was extremely weak. Aria rolled her eyes at him and grabbed his fork. She stabbed it through several eggs and then handed it back to him. He smirked at her and then proceeded to drop the fork.

"Face it," she murmured. "You're one-handed for a while."

Ezra moved his arm from around her back and grabbed his fork with his left hand. They all ate in relative silence, though they talked here and there about their summer plans. Emily was leaving for camp for swimming around the same time Hanna would be leaving for California with her mom and Caleb. Spencer was going to be in town, but she'd also be traveling back and forth from Philadelphia and taking classes over the summer at Hollis.

After a few hours, the girls left, and Aria curled up with Ezra on the couch. The TV was on, but neither of them focused much on it.

"What if yesterday had gone differently," she murmured, nuzzling her face into his arm as she stared out the window. "He could've killed you."

Ezra laughed just once, but Aria could tell he didn't think it was at all funny. "Trust me, he intended to. He probably would have if your father hadn't come in and beat the hell out of him."

Aria tightened her grip around his arm as she ran her fingers over those on his right hand. His nails were chewed down to the cuticle.

"I'm not the only one who was hurt yesterday," Ezra said as he brushed his other hand over her hair and kissed the top of her head. "I don't want you worrying about this. That guy is in jail now, and he's probably never going to see the outside from behind a gate ever again."

Aria turned slightly in her seat. Ezra winced as she leaned back against his leg.

"What?" She asked.

Ezra's eyes were wide as he pushed her over a few inches. "I've got bruises _everywhere._ What were you going to ask?"

Aria shrugged. "Does it bother you that he's probably never going to know life outside a jail? That everything that's about to happen is probably about to change his life?"

Ezra stared at her for several long moments, perplexed by her question. He pushed himself up so that he was sitting up straighter and pulled his legs up more. Aria sat between them and her own legs dangled over his with her feet resting on the coffee table.

"Does it bother me that a man is going to spend the rest of his life in jail after his first step into my life was breaking into my dorm room and ripping away every hope and dream I ever had?" Ezra questioned. He shook his head. His face was straight, lacking emotion. "Not at all."

Aria nodded, biting down on her tongue as she leaned back against the couch. Ezra could see that his answer wasn't the one she was looking for. He leaned forward and cupped her face in his hands, making her look t him.

"I know why you asked me that, and in this case, it's different," Ezra said. "I never knew that guy before that night in my dorm. You've known this Grady kid your entire life. And I don't think it makes you nuts to feel some sense of guilt that his life is going to be changed by what he's done to you. But I wish you didn't. He took something from you that you're never going to get back."

"Do you hate him?" Aria asked.

"Adam or Grady?" Ezra murmured.

Aria shrugged. "Either."

Ezra considered her question for a moment. "Hate is a strong word. I haven't used that word in a serious context since I really learned the meaning of it in middle school." He paused for a moment and then shook his head. "No. I don't hate them. Someone once told me that hating someone means you wished they would fall off the face of the earth, and everyone is loved by someone. Regardless of the terrible things those guys have done, their families don't deserve more pain than they've already put onto them."

_-  
>You should've heard the way that his momma called him baby,<br>__Daddy calls him boy, his friends call him crazy  
>-<em>

Aria looked up from her journal as she heard footsteps walking out of the house behind her. A soft melody filled the air from Ezra's humming. She turned back to her journal and began to write again, though she welcomed the warmth of a blanket when he draped it over her shoulders and then sat down next to her on the deck.

"What're you humming," she asked once he'd sat down next to her.

Ezra shrugged. "I haven't got a clue. It's stuck in my head. I'll figure it out eventually."

Aria narrowed her eyes at him, settling her pen inside her journal before closing it. "Do you remember any of the words?"

"Don't want to worry the rest of my life," Ezra recalled softly. "Probably something I listened to a lot last year when everything happened. That's been happening a lot lately."

Aria raised an eyebrow at him. "What song was it when you were in the ER with me?"

Ezra pursed his lips thoughtfully for a few moments before speaking. "Come Undone by Jackson Waters. Specifically this part," he said, reciting the lyrics. "There are scars that I've been hiding, there are ghosts that I do not need; there are closets I do not care to open, but they open all the same."

"Poetic," Aria commented with a soft laugh. "What about yesterday?"

"Lifehouse." Ezra said quickly. "Don't Wake Me When It's Over." He paused for a few moments. "Do you know the song Echo?"

Aria nodded.

"I used to play that on the piano at three AM as loudly as I could," Ezra said. "The words in that song tore me apart every time I listened to it. Feeling that lonely can kill someone."

Aria exhaled a sigh and wrapped her arms loosely around his right arm, pressing her face into his tricep. "Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright, but it's never enough?"

Ezra nodded, resting his chin on his shoulder as he looked down at her. "I've never understood how someone can torture someone so easily, and enjoy making them suffer."

Aria reached a hand up and brushed it gently through his hair, being careful of the bruises on his face. "Have you remembered anything from yesterday?"

He shrugged and shook his head. "Only things I already knew, like when the table broke. I can't remember anything after he kicked me in the head until I woke up and your dad was there." He shook his head, frustrated. "If I have to lose twenty minutes of my life, why can't it be vomiting in Central Park after the Independence Day parade last year from heat exhaustion? That's information I wouldn't mind being without."

Aria frowned. "I'm sorry."

The door opened behind them and both Aria and Ezra turned as Ethan, Elijah, Anne, and Aria's parents walked out onto the deck. Byron was carrying a bag of cartons that were supposed to be Chinese food. Ethan had gone up to New York late the night before and bailed Elijah out. They had spent that morning packing up his dorm and moving his things temporarily to Ethan's apartment before driving back to Rosewood.

"I got Kung Pow for you Aria," Byron said as he settled the bag on the picnic table and started pulling out cartons. "Ezra, you wanted dirty rice?"

Ezra nodded, pulling Aria up from the ground before shaking out his wrist. The temporary cast was irritating the hell out of him.

Elijah grabbed a carton from the table and tore it open. Lacking proper attention, he knocked a glass he'd carried out of the house to the ground. Glass shattered across the cement deck and Ezra's line of vision, followed the glass as it did so.

_The room was spinning around him and he hadn't even opened his eyes; he wasn't even sure he could. The throbbing in his head was matched by the stabbing pain in his side between his ribs and hip. He could feel his clothing being rustled and tried to scream, but the best he could manage a low groan. _

"Ezra?"

His brow knit in confusion as he tried to process the memory, but as quickly as it had run through his head, it had ended abruptly, leaving him with even more fears and questions.

"Don't touch him." His mother's voice registered in his head.

"Why?" And there were his father and brothers voices.

He looked up slowly, taking several slow, deep breaths. "Flashbacks that are strong enough can send someone into shock," he murmured.

Ethan looked back and forth between Ezra and Anne. "Did you remember anything about yesterday?"

Ezra pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth for a moment. "Not enough to tell if anything happened. Just a lot of pain. Certainly would be more convenient if he'd just tell the truth."

Ethan shook his head, picking up a glass of sprite off the table. "He'll never do it. He gains too much by holding it over your head. And if not yours, then that of your family and friends. In short, he gets too much enjoyment-"

"Out of making me squirm," Ezra finished. "Surprise, surprise." He huffed and shook his head, grabbing one of the containers of food from the table.

They all slowly settled around the table, shifting containers around amongst themselves to pile food onto plates. Aria held most of the containers while Ezra struggled to get the food out of them. Ethan stepped away from the table a few minutes later when his phone rang while everyone else picked at their food. Conversation drifted loosely among them, though Elijah carried most of it, talking about the protest that he'd taken part of the day before.

Ethan returned to the table after several minutes and sat down next to Ezra, tucking his phone into his pocket. The grim look on his face accompanied with his silence made Ezra nervous.

"Something wrong?"

Ethan looked up from his plate, settling his fork on the edge of it. He grabbed a nearby napkin and wiped the corners of his mouth. "No. That was the police department. They arraigned Adam earlier today. He's being held on a half a million dollars for bail and named a flight risk." He paused for a moment, and a small smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. "There's a very good chance that he might never see the light of day from outside a jail ever again."

Ezra stared at him for several minutes, trying to digest the information. After more than a minute, he dropped the fork that he was still holding in his hand, and pushed away from the table. Aria moved to go after him, but Dr. Sullivan reached out and grabbed her hand gently.

"Don't go," she murmured. She settled her napkin on the table and then pushed up from the table and walked into the house. She looked towards the sitting room and then across the room towards the hallway that led to Eli's and the guestrooms. She stood there for several moments before she crossed the room and headed down the hallway.

The sounds created by tiny hammers hitting wires filled the hallway, and the sound grew louder as she walked down the hall towards the music room and leaned against the doorframe as she watched Ezra attempt to play the piano with both hands. It was a melody she knew well, and it was also one that scared her. It reminded her of the previous summer, waking up night after night to the sound of the piano. It reminded her of nights spent sitting on the couch, staring out the floor-to-ceiling windows of their 10th floor apartment and watching cars race through the city even in the middle of the night. Nights that she stayed up well past the time she should have, working on paperwork for her patients so that she was sure that Ezra wasn't alone in his bedroom with a blade pressed to his wrist.

She exhaled a sigh and crossed the room. She sat down next to Ezra and watched his movements with his right hand before lifting her own and continuing the movements on the keys. Ezra continued to play with his left hand for a few moments before he stopped abruptly.

Anne watched as he stood up and crossed the room. "Talk to me, EJ."

Ezra turned around to look at her with a stern look on his face. "When did my life crumble into _such_ crap? Because I honestly can't remember the last time things didn't **suck** this much!"

Anne exhaled a shaky breath. "You're cycling. He's in jail now, but things don't make anything better because it can't change what's already happened. You're safe, but you don't really _feel_ safe. Right?"

"Don't shrink me," Ezra cried softly. "What the hell did I ever do to deserve this? I thought it was because of Aria and because I couldn't protect her, but then, why this? Why now? Why wasn't everything he'd already taken substantial enough?"

"Do you remember something?" She asked.

Ezra turned around and stared out a large window that looked across the yard. He curled his left hand into a fist and rested it against the wall, staring out the window. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Talking is better than suffering," Anne said, trying to coax him.

Ezra shook his head, looking over at her. "But it doesn't stop it."

"With time-"

Ezra pounded his fist against the wall, glaring at his mother. "I'm sick and tired of **time**! I'm so sick of being told that _time_ is going to make everything better! Every time I'm left alone with my thoughts, I feel **sick**. And I **do** wish I was dead, because at least I wouldn't be stuck in this god-ridden hell!"

He clenched his fingers in both hands as his arms trembled from the anger running through him. Or rather, his left hand was tightly fisted while his right curled weakly. He felt the familiar sense of his head spinning, and his breathing quickening, and then it was like the world faded away around him.

Anne pushed up from her spot on the piano bench and walked over to him. She cupped her hands around his face, but the glassy look in his eyes were clear to her.

_His feet pressed flat against the ground and he gently pushed himself up. He turned onto his side, coughing wetly as he struggled to bring air into his lungs. His head throbbed and his throat was tight with the need to vomit, but as people started to surround him, all he wanted was space. This wasn't how he wanted to be known by his fellow students; curled up on his dorm room floor lacking all the answers to their questions. _

_He sucked in a breath, trying to tune out the voices of his peers as his eyes slipped shut. This was all too much for him to handle. _

A light tremble moved through his body as the world seemed to phase back in around him. His eyes drifted across the room, from the window, to the piano, and then finally to his mother. She frowned as she saw his change in awareness and dropped her hands from where they had still been on his face.

"I wish I knew how to fix this for you," she said softly. "Not as a psychotherapist, but just as a parent. It kills me to see you like this."

Words evaded him as to what he could possibly say in response. As much as he hated suffering himself, he hated seeing the people around him suffer at his own cost, more. He hated knowing that everything he did – everything he **felt** – affected his family and friends.

"I can't keep doing this to the people around me," he said softly a few minutes later. He moved to walk past his mother, only for her to grab his arm and stop him. They stared each other down. "Running away won't save you, Ezra."

_The sun beat down hard on his skin as she stared down at his arm. He was picking lightly at the tape holding the gauze to his wrist as he sat on the ground. He'd just signed the lease for his apartment, which would get him out of the dorms and away from all the sickening memories that came with living in them. _

"_Should you be doing that?" Ezra squinted as he looked up at Hardy. "What are you? My snitch?" _

_Hardy shrugged as he sat down on the ground with a paper bag. He opened it and tossed a wrapped burrito to Ezra. _

"_You really wish you were dead right now?" He asked. _

_Ezra stared absentmindedly down at the burrito resting between his legs. "I wish people would leave me the hell alone and stop asking me about it all." _

"_Running away isn't going to solve your problems." Hardy replied. _

"_Gee, thanks mom," Ezra chided. _

"**Please**, Ezra, stop running! Let me help you!" Anne begged him. He was vaguely aware that he'd spent the last few moments pleading with him to not leave, but he'd missed most of it, recalling an argument with Hardy. He couldn't help but wonder what his so-called best friend thought of him now.

"Tell me how to fix this," he said, struggling to get past the knot forming in his throat. "Because I don't know how much longer I can keep burying everything around me."


	16. Can't Go Back, I'm Haunted

_Chapter 16_

_Can't Go Back, I'm Haunted_

Aria stared out the window from her bedroom as she watched her parents carry out boxes to the car. She was beginning to think she was wasting her summer, but she had little want to go out and shop with Hanna, or hang out in Philadelphia with Melissa. It seemed like the more time that passed, the less she wanted to be around people. Each day that passed, she closed off just a little more from her parents. She checked her text messages and phone calls less and less, and spent even less time trying to actually get in touch with anyone.

They had been back at home for two full weeks. Mike had been home for about ten days. Or rather, he'd come home ten days earlier and then proceeded to finish his exams late (with pardon given from the principal after the events that Grady had created on the last day of school) before he had convinced their parents to let him join some friends at a lacrosse camp. He had the option of coming home on weekends, but so far he hadn't graced the house with his presence. He occasionally called Aria, but she'd ignored his calls as well.

It wasn't that she didn't love her brother or her friends, but she didn't know how to connect with them on the level that they needed her to. The things that she was suffering through in her head were tearing her apart, and the only person who understood her had refused to see her since the night that she and her parents had returned home. 'The adults' had all agreed that it was safe enough for the Montgomery's to return home after Adam had been arraigned, and with Grady under heavy supervision until the trial started, they saw no reason that they shouldn't be back in their own homes. Ezra hadn't helped by standing there completely silent to her through the entire conversation. He hadn't even said goodbye to her. Every time she attempted to call or go see him, her attempts were thwarted. Dr. Sullivan was always telling her that he was resting or busy doing something else. She couldn't recall a conversation that they'd had where he said that they were over or even taking a break, which made his distance all the more bothersome.

She sniffled and wiped a tear from her face. The more time she spent trying to understand his choices and antics, the more it ate at her. It made her feel the same way she'd felt when she'd first been raped and he was acting odd; like he thought of her as a freak and too damaged to spend any time with. She wanted to believe that he really didn't feel that way about her, but he was doing little to show that he felt any differently.

"Aria, are you coming?"

She looked up at her father standing in the doorway, and she felt even worse. She tried her best not to fall apart when her parents were around; especially her father. Every time she seemed to be upset and he saw it, she could tell it hurt him too. She hated that.

She wiped the tears on her face and nodded before moving off the window ledge and grabbing her bag from her desk chair. She slung it across her shoulder and then ran her hands down her white lacy tank top and her denim yellow shorts before following him out of the room. As she followed him down the hall and stairs and then out of the house, the heat snuck up on her and wrapped tightly around her. It was at least eighty degrees and extremely humid. She was grateful that she'd had enough mind to pull her hair up into a bun that morning.

She didn't necessarily want to go anywhere, but her father and Ezra had been offered a summer slot for their proposed joint class. The dean had called her father not even three days earlier and essentially told him that if they wanted the slot, it was open for them to take, and if the class went over well, that they would reconsider a full semester course when the school year started again. Byron had been sure to make sure that the dean stipulated that they both had to cover the course in order for it to be passed.

From what she knew, the class almost hadn't come to pass. Apparently, Ezra had initially told the dean that he wasn't interested, but with some persuasion, he gave in and agreed to it.

She settled into the backseat of her dad's car and settled her bag next to her, placing her iPod headphones into her ears as he started the car. She buckled herself in and then turned her music up as loud as it would go.

The drive might've been five minutes, or it might've been twenty. She paid no attention to the clock, or really anything else as she stared out the window and watched the streets pass by. A part of her longed to feel the joy of kids she saw running through the parks they passed. She wanted to feel their elation as they played lava tag and kick ball. She wanted to find the excitement that a group of kids shared as they swapped nickels and dimes for ice cream. She just wanted to **feel**.

When they pulled up to the college campus, she got out of the car and walked away, leaving her parents to the boxes that sat in the back of the car. Since Byron and Ezra would be working through the summer, they would see very little vacation time, and Byron had insisted that it would be easier to get his office set up again now instead of having to spend the two weeks he would get as a vacation at the end of the summer to do it.

She walked down a pathway paved with thin cement blocks, still listening to her music as she walked. She stopped long enough to buy herself a lemonade slushy at a vendor and then proceeded on her way until she was halfway across campus. She pulled the doors to the psychology department open and walked inside.

As she walked, she turned off her iPod and tucked it into her bag, slowly drinking her slushy. It was something nice for such a hot day and she relished the cool liquid running down her throat as she walked through the halls.

She finally came upon Jackie's office and stood outside for a moment to make sure she wasn't going to be interrupting anything before she knocked twice. A response to come in was given, and she reached out and opened the door before walking in.

She shuddered as a rush of cool air swirled about her as she stepped into the darkened room. Only a lamp on the desk was on, and an air conditioner in a window high off the ground was on full-blast. Jackie looked over at her and her eyes grew wide as she ran a hand through her hair.

"Aria…"

Aria looked around the room nervously. It had the same basic setup as Ezra and even her father's office, but there was a certain touch to it that seeped with Jackie's personality. Aria had never actually expected that she'd find herself standing in this room, but yet here she stood. She looked back at her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend as her moving lips brought her back to the present.

"Sorry, what?" She murmured.

"I asked what you're doing here," Jackie said.

Aria gulped. Cool droplets of water ran over her fingers as her slushy slipped a few millimeters between her fingers. She tightened her grip on it and refocused her attention.

"I wanted…" She paused and shook her head, looking down at the floor. "I wanted to thank you. F-for being there for Ezra, and for keeping my father from becoming a murderer. I know you probably didn't do it for the reasons I'm thanking you for, but…still…"

Jackie looked down at the pen in her hands as she twirled it back and forth between her thumb and index finger. Aria chewed nervously on the inside of her cheek as she stood there in their awkward silence. Finally, Jackie looked up at her.

"I didn't do it because I wanted to send Ezra back to you, if that's what you mean," Jackie said. "But…" She paused, shaking her head as she pressed her lips together in a thin line. "You have something I will **never **have, Aria. You have an understanding of what Ezra's been through. I know it's not something that you're proud to have, but you also didn't look at him and tell him that he was too 'pretty' to have something so serious happen to him."

Aria stared at Jackie curiously for several moments. "Why did you say that to him?"

Jackie shook her head as she looked down at the floor. "The easy answer is that I meant it, but I don't really think I did. I knew that there was a lot of crap going on around campus and that something shady was happening to the guys. Most of them weren't saying anything, and a lot of speculation and rumours were going around because not many of them were actually **admitting **anything. I'm not even sure how the information got out there far enough that a story was needed to be put in the paper. But when Hardy told me that Ezra was in the hospital because he tried to kill himself because he'd been raped, I didn't believe him."

She walked around her desk and leaned back against it, gesturing for Aria to sit on the couch. Aria walked over to it and sat down tentatively. She shivered as the cool leather touched her bare skin. Jackie took a few steps over to the window and turned a knob on the air conditioner.

"When Ezra came back to school, I asked him what happened. He told me the same thing that Hardy told me, and I told him he was lying because it wasn't possible for someone like him to get hurt like that. Even then, I was considering the fact that I'd made a mistake breaking up with him, but when he told me everything, I was too afraid to try and act on my feelings. I knew that there was no way I'd ever be able to understand him. I thought if I denied it long enough, then eventually he would say it hadn't happened too, and we could fix things." She looked up at Aria. "That's why I did what I did when you came to me about the paper. He seemed so happy and put together with you, and I started telling myself again that it was nothing more than a made up story, and even if it wasn't, I could learn to understand him. I was so sure…"

Silence lingered between them as Aria took in what Jackie was saying. She couldn't imagine how she would've felt if someone close to her had said those things to her after everything that had happened with Grady.

"When I went to his apartment that night, I saw what he was **really** like for the first time in a long time. It surprised me that he had buried so much in attempt to ignore what had happened to him, and it scared me. I stayed there with him because I was afraid of what he might do to himself if he was left alone. And I've **stayed **around since because I know he's not in the best place with Hardy right now. I understand that I hurt you and I hurt him too, but I still care, Aria. I've learned to love him without being _in love_ with him, but I still care. At one point and time, he was my best friend. I desperately want him to work through everything in front of him and get better. It took me a long time to realize that the person to help him do that isn't me, though. It's you."

_-  
>Its getting dark and it's all too quiet<br>__And I can't trust anything now  
>-<em>

Aria walked up to Ezra's office door and knocked lightly on it before taking a few steps inside. Someone was leaned over the desk scribbling a note, but it wasn't Ezra. She looked down at her phone and checked the time. He was in class with her father.

The man at the desk stood up, and Aria looked at him in surprise. "Hardy?"

He looked back her, equally surprised. "Aria. You seen Ezra?"

She shook her head, looking around the office. There were no traces left that could give even the slightest inclination that anything had happened a few weeks earlier. There was a new coffee table with a marble top on wooden metal legs. The couch had been replaced as well. The new one was black and looked to be covered with velvet.

"I haven't seen him in weeks," she admitted softly.

Hardy nodded, staring down at a random spot on the ground for a moment. He seemed frustrated. "I'll find him later, I guess."

He walked across the room. As he was passing Aria, she turned and looked at him. "Are you and he talking again?"

Hardy shook his head, exhaling a long breath. "I was trying to change that." He turned his head as if he was going to walk out of the room, and then turned back to look at Aria. "Are you okay? Did he tell you everything finally?"

Aria nodded. "A few weeks ago. I was just talking with Jackie, actually."

Hardy nodded. "I heard she stopped your dad from killing that guy," he said with a light laugh. "Never quite thought psycho Barbie actually had an actual heart."

Aria managed a small smile. Hardy turned his arm and looked at his watch before saying something about needing to get to a meeting before walking out of the room and leaving Aria there alone. She walked over to the couch and sat down, settling her bag on the floor next to it.

She looked around the room for a few minutes, bored, and then laid down on the couch and grabbed her iPod from her bag. She turned it on and then curled up and closed her eyes.

_-  
>Whenever we're together no one's a star<br>__I can pour it all out straight from the heart  
>-<em>

Byron handed over a packet to Ezra as he talked about the syllabus he'd put together. "After that, we can-"

Ezra raised his hand to Byron, shaking his head as he strained his exhausted ears, and then exchanged a worried look before he and Byron dashed down the hall at the sound of Aria's screams. He burst through the doorway and realized that she was screaming in her sleep. He gripped the doorway for a moment, trying to steady from the spinning in his head. He walked over to Aria a moment later as Byron came up to the doorway and perched on the edge of the coffee table, shaking her lightly.

Aria shook in her sleep, continuing to scream. It was the typical ensemble of 'no's and stop's until Ezra finally managed to shake her awake. Her eyes shot open with her hand still shaking as she realized that what she'd been dreaming wasn't actually real. Her face was wet from tears she'd shed while crying in her sleep, and she launched herself at Ezra, wrapping her arms tightly around him as she cried into his shoulder.

Ezra wrapped his arms loosely around her and rubbed his hands up and down her back. "Shh, it was a dream. He's not here. He can't hurt you anymore."

Aria shook her head, tightening her arms around him as she pressed her face into his neck. She hadn't been dreaming about Grady. She'd been dreaming that she had shown up at Hollis on the last day of school and saw Adam attacking Ezra, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get to him.

"Shh," he murmured, brushing his hand down the back of her head as he pressed his lips to her temple. "Everything's okay."

Aria lifted her head slowly and looked up at him. He looked as bad as he had before finals, when he wasn't sleeping at all. His bruises had faded and the stitches he'd gotten after Adam attacked him were gone. By all traces on his body, unless you were close enough to see the thin scars, you wouldn't even know anything had happened.

Ezra gave a very small, sympathetic smile and pressed his lips to her forehead. Aria lifted her head and looked up at him before kissing him softly. It took a moment, but Ezra responded and kissed her back for a few moments before someone clearing their throat pulled them apart. Aria peeked over Ezra's shoulder. Byron was still standing there, though Ethan and Elijah were standing just inside the room.

"Sorry," Aria murmured. She moved from Ezra's lap and stood, grabbing her bag from the floor along with her forgotten iPod. Ezra stood as well and walked around the table to his desk.

"I just spoke with the prosecutor on Aria's case on my way out of the police station. He knows that we're closely involved, and he informed me that he's going to be getting in touch with you soon," Ethan said. "He seemed in pretty good spirits about it, too."

Aria looked between her father and Ethan and then to Ezra. "That's good, right?"

Ethan smiled and nodded. "That's **very **good. He also said- Whoa- Ezra-"

Ezra stood there as his father spoke, trying to get a handle on his exhaustion and dizziness. He'd been avoiding sleep at all costs lately, because he often found himself in the same position as Aria, waking up because someone was telling him he was screaming in his sleep. His legs began to shake under him and he gripped his desk, but before he knew it, the room was spinning too much to keep enough of a grip on anything, and things started to fade out.

Ethan and Elijah both shot across the space between them and Ezra, and managed to throw themselves under Ezra before he hit the floor and hit his head on anything. Aria walked quickly over to him and knelt beside him.

"Is something wrong with him?" She asked fearfully.

Ethan looked up at her as she ran her hand down Ezra's cheek. "He's physically drained. He hasn't been sleeping much."

Ezra's eyes fluttered a moment later, and he groaned, taking in his surroundings. "What happened?"

"You need to sleep," Ethan said, not bothering to answer his question. Ethan grabbed Ezra's keys from where they were clipped on his belt loop and handed them to Aria. The scowl on Ezra's face showed clearly how he felt about his father doing such a thing. "Take him home and make sure he sleeps. He **needs **to rest."

Ezra sat up, continuing to scowl at Ethan. "I don't need-"

"Yes you do!" Ethan insisted. He turned back to Aria. "And don't let him try to strong-arm you into doing anything else. He needs the rest whether he thinks he does or not."

Aria stood up and everyone else followed in suit.

"I have work I need to do," Ezra insisted.

"I'll do it," Byron interjected. He looked over at Aria. "Take him to our house. It'll be empty all afternoon."

Aria nodded. Begrudgingly, Ezra followed her out of the room and they walked silently through the halls. She didn't mind the silence though, knowing how exhausted he was.

Once they stepped outside, she stopped at the vendor she'd gotten her smoothie from earlier and ordered a small iced coffee for each of them. She wasn't entirely set on keeping Ezra awake. She just wanted him to stay conscious enough to make it to her bedroom.

She handed over cash to the vendor before proceeding to walk with Ezra to his car As they walked, she tentatively moved her hand towards the inside of his and brushed her fingers up against his. A few seconds later, she dared a quick glance up at him. His fingers slipped loosely between hers as he took a drink from the coffee she'd bought him.

They arrived at the car a few moments later, and Ezra briefly considered an argument over driving before he dropped the thought and got into the passenger seat. They both rested their drinks in the centre console and pulled their seatbelts on before Aria started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

She held his hand lightly as they drove, though she still didn't attempt any type of conversation. In the silence, she eventually reached up and punched a button on the radio console, and a CD kicked in.

"_Why you keep me around?  
><em>_When you can have anyone in this town  
><em>_Am I the best you hope for  
><em>_Just the best that you found  
><em>_And there's no way to explain it,  
><em>_But either way I'll take it_

_Through the haze of the whiskey lights  
><em>_And the haze of the angels dressed in cocaine white  
><em>_I'm not trying to make you change  
><em>_But love, I know what I like  
><em>_First you play along, you know what's wrong  
><em>_But then it starts feeling right…"_

Aria smiled at the familiarity at the song, and Ezra seemed to lift his head up at the sound of the song. A moment later, he rested his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes.

"_The more I drink  
><em>_The less I feel sorrow  
><em>_The more I make  
><em>_The less that I borrow  
><em>_The more I love ya  
><em>_The less I feel alone  
><em>_Stoned, kicking my heels alone  
><em>_Stoned, kicking my heels alone…"_

The rest of the drive proceeded in silence, and neither of them made an attempt at conversation. Aria eventually pulled into a spot near her the driveway of her home and coaxed Ezra awake. He opened his eyes and looked up at her before taking in his surroundings and unbuckling his seatbelt. Aria got out of the car and walked around it as Ezra pushed his door open.

She walked up to the house, making sure to stay beside him incase he got dizzy again. Once they were up to the house, she pushed the door open and then let Ezra step past her before she followed him in and locked the doors.

"Can you make it upstairs?" She asked.

He nodded wearily and made his way towards the stairs. He only stopped and turned around when he realized Aria wasn't following him.

"Aren't you coming?"

Aria nodded, stopping mid-way across the sitting room. "I will be in a minute. I just want to make sure the sliding doors are locked."

Ezra gave a tired nod and then turned and resumed climbing the stairs. Aria walked into the kitchen and over to the doors that led to the back yard. She checked the locks and then walked over to the sink and grabbed a glass from one of the cupboards and filling it with water. She leaned against the counter for a few moments and took a few sips from her glass.

A part of her desperately wanted to go upstairs and crawl into bed next to Ezra, but she couldn't help but feel like he didn't want to be around her. She'd wanted to see him so much in the past few weeks. More than that, she'd **needed** to talk to him during the fourteen days of exile he'd left her to. She didn't have anyone else to talk to who understood what she was feeling, and he'd just abandoned her.

As much as she wanted to be angry, however, the other half of her felt bad for even being angry at him. How could she blame him, after everything he was dealing, and then having more piled on top when Adam had attacked him in his own office. Her heart was having an argument with her head, and she hadn't figured out yet who was winning.

She finally settled her glass in the sink and then walked out of the room and headed towards the stairs. She was quiet as she ascended them, and walked down the hall to her room. The silence in the house was too much for her comfort, but as she came up to her bedroom, she realized soft music was playing.

She pushed her bedroom door shut and then locked it behind her before walking over to the bed and lying down next to Ezra. Between the air conditioning in the house and the hot summer heat, she was comfortable with covering up with just a light blanket, like Ezra was.

She curled up next to him and wrapped her arm loosely under his side, pressing her face into his back. It was warm, and the deep, even breaths in and out of his natural scent calmed her. Ezra moved his arm over hers in his sleep.

She strained her ears to listen to the music wafting softly from her iPod base. She'd left her bag downstairs, so she knew that it had to be Ezra's iPhone playing.

"_Close to you, so far away  
><em>_A rented room, an empty space  
><em>_Sirens bleeding through the open doors_

_Movie scene in black and white  
><em>_The snow falls down alone tonight  
><em>_And no one's ever felt like this before_

_What went wrong with you and me  
><em>_This is my apology  
><em>_Cause even when I fall asleep  
><em>_You stay with me, you stay with me…"_

She pressed her lips gently into the back of his neck as her free hand moved up to his head and gently brushed it through his hair.

She knew that he wouldn't just choose some random song to listen to, and as she continued to listen to the lyrics, her heart hurt that much more for him. She knew that he was trying to tell her in a way that he was sorry for avoiding her, but as the song faded through the second chorus into the bridge, her heart broke even more.

"_Every letter that you wrote, stays with me  
><em>_And every promise that I broke, stays with me  
><em>_And everything that's left inside,  
><em>_Stays with, it stays with me…"_

She hated knowing that he blamed himself for what happened to her. She wanted so badly to go back to the days before anything had happened, but she knew even then it wouldn't be far enough. A part of her desperately wanted to go back to his senior year in college. She would've opted to stay in Rosewood that year if she'd known it was going to lead her to Ezra. If she could've done anything to protect him from any of this, she would have.

As she laid there and thought about it though, she knew it wasn't any different than the fact that she blamed herself for not knowing who Adam was when he'd approached her in the coffee shop, and for not being there when he had finally struck. It wasn't fair – the things that Adam and Grady made them feel. She hated them both equally.

Ezra stirred in front of her and tensed up. She gently ran her hand up and down his chest, trying to calm him from whatever nightmare he was having in that moment. She reached behind her and turned off her iPod base before pushing herself up on the bed a few inches so that her head was in line with his, and pressed her chest up against his back. She kissed his cheek and then laid her head back down against the pillow and stared out the window. He was still tense, so she began to sing, hoping it would calm him.

"_its just you and me  
><em>_And there's no one around  
><em>_Feel like I'm hanging by a thread  
><em>_It's a long way down_

_I've been trying to breathe  
><em>_But I'm fighting for air  
><em>_I'm at an all-time low  
><em>_With no place to go  
><em>_But you're always there_

_When everything falls apart  
><em>_And it seems like the world is crashing at my feet  
><em>_You like me the best when I'm a mess  
><em>_When I'm my own worst enemy  
><em>_You make me feel beautiful  
><em>_When I have nothing left to prove  
><em>_And I can't imagine how I'd make it through  
><em>_There's no me without you…  
><em>_No me without you…"_

She smiled softly to herself as he relaxed next to her. She yawned, still tired and moved to lean against him, but he suddenly turned to face her and his eyes fluttered for a moment. He looked up at her, as if trying register whether not he was dreaming, and then closed his eyes again, wrapping an arm loosely around her back.

Aria snuggled into his chest and closed her eyes. She had missed this feeling so much in the last two weeks. She missed not being able to all asleep next to him; not being able to feel his body heat radiating off towards her. She missed how her hands always found their way under his t-shirt when they were sleeping and rested over his heart. She missed listening to his heart beat while they laid together. She missed being able to feel and hear him breathe. He was so much of a comfort to her, and she was pretty sure that he didn't have a clue about any of it.

She gulped down a knot trying to form in her throat and blinked a few times, pushing away the dryness that filled around her eyes from the notion that she might start to cry, and tightened her arms around him. As if instinctively, Ezra tightened his arms around her as well. Aria pressed her lips together, once again quelling the need to cry, and closed her eyes. So what if he wasn't going to be there when she woke up? At least he was there for the moment.


	17. Everything Changes If I Could Turn Back

_Chapter 17_

_Everything Changes If I Could Turn Back The Years_

Aria groaned as she awoke later that day, stretching her sore muscles. As she did, she realized the space next to her was empty. She pushed up from her spot and ran a hand through her hair. The sun was setting outside, and it seemed as if the evening had brought some cooler air as well.

She pressed her lips together as she sat there, trying to get a hold of her emotions. She felt alone, and she didn't even know how to begin to explain that to anyone, let alone Ezra. She was so afraid to tell him anything about how she felt because she didn't want him worrying about her. The look on his face the day he'd seen that cut on her arm had been enough to scare her out of doing anything that was easily seen to the naked eye for him. The look on his face had broken her heart.

At the same time though, she didn't quite know what she was supposed to do. She wanted so desperately to be there for him and help him as much as she could, but the more she did, the more she felt like she was falling apart on her own. Two weeks without him had been hell. She couldn't imagine going that long without him again.

She exhaled a long sigh and pushed off her bed. She walked out of her room and down the hall. At the very end of it on the other side of the stairs was a door. She walked over to it and opened it. Inside the room, moonlight streamed from a window. She hadn't noticed it before, but it was pouring outside.

She turned a lamp in the corner of the room and let the dull lighting fill the room. She hadn't been in the room in several months. There wasn't anything besides a piano in the center of the room that she'd had for years, and a few family photos. She walked over to it and sat down on the bench.

She pulled up the cover on the keys and ran her fingers over them. She began to play a moment later.

"_Say you have a little faith in me  
><em>_Just close your eyes and let me lead  
><em>_Follow me home  
><em>_Need to have a little trust in me  
><em>_Just close your eyes and let me lead  
><em>_Follow me home  
><em>_To where the lonely ones roam…_

_Won't you come out,  
><em>_I've been waiting for you  
><em>_Holding my breath  
><em>_Till my body turned blue…"_

"Writing a masterpiece?"

She jumped as she suddenly stopped playing and looked up towards the doorway. Ezra stood inside it, leaning up against the framing. "I thought you left?"

Ezra shook his head, furrowing his brow as he walked over to the piano bench and sat down next to her, though he faced away from the piano. "No. I went downstairs to see if your parents were here, but they aren't. There's a note on the counter about them meeting with your lawyer."

Aria nodded.

"I didn't know you played piano," he said.

Aria shrugged. "I don't much…At least not anymore."

Ezra shook his head. "Why not?"

Aria pulled the cover down over the keys on the piano. Her hands rested there for a moment. "I don't know. I guess after everything that happened, I didn't have the drive for it. It was hard enough just to pick up a pen again"

"You know you're not alone though, right?" Ezra asked.

Aria nodded. She turned on the bench to face him. Her feelings were less than agreeable to what he was saying, though. Ezra reached a hand up and cupped her cheek. He pressed his lips to her forehead.

Aria pulled her legs up onto the piano bench and crossed them in front of her as she turned to face him. "I have a question for you."

"Okay," Ezra replied.

"Why does your mom hate that song so much?" She asked. "Echo?"

Ezra dropped his head back and looked up at the ceiling. "I used to play it in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep."

Aria nodded. "I know. You told me that. But that doesn't answer my question."

"I couldn't stand to even be in my own skin at that time. I was sleeping about as much as I have been lately, and I didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything that meant being forced to talk to anyone. _That_ left me feeling so alone, even if it was of my own doing.

"I started learning the song by ear when I was walking around the city in the middle of the night because I didn't want to sleep." He laughed. "I used to piss off the dorm monitors because I'd walk in at four AM and sometimes I would accidentally trip the alarm. They hated me by the time I moved out of the dorms.

"When summer came, I told you my mom wanted me to move back to New York. But I knew that he was still out there somewhere, so my sleeping patterns didn't change. When I was up late at night and I couldn't sleep, I would usually walk around the city, but our apartment in New York had an alarm system that I kept setting off, so instead of going out to walk around, I started staying in and playing the piano. Ethan moved into the dorms early and took a summer semester, but my mom and I were still in the apartment, and even though I would play other stuff too, I always played that song when I was having really bad flashbacks."

"Like what?" Aria asked tentatively.

Ezra pressed his lips together and then bit down on them for a moment. "Like being pinned to the floor of my dorm room, choking, while everyone else is class."

Aria looked down at her hands as she picked under her nails. She wasn't sure why she'd even asked him that question. Every time he told her about things he'd been through, it made her feel like her pain was inadequate. It wasn't for anything he said, but she always felt like anything she'd been through, he'd been through ten times worse. It was a stark difference to the way she'd felt the day she had told him that he had no idea how she felt.

Ezra placed his freshly broken hand over her fingers and wrapped his own fingers around hers as best he could, drawing her attention up to him.

"Why don't you ever say anything about how any of this affects you?" He asked.

"I do-"

He cut her off before she could say anything more. "No, you read my journal and told me what _that _upset you. But you've never told me how any of what you're going through is affecting you, or anything that's happened in the past few weeks. Not since Adam turned up."

She shrugged her shoulders, looking back down at her hands. "It just doesn't feel like it's important to anyone."

Ezra moved his hand up to under he chin and lifted his up. "Why?"

She averted her gaze around the room as her bottom lip twitched like she might start to cry. "I don't know. It just seems like every time I turn around, something else takes precedence. It's not like it matters."

Ezra swung his leg over the bench so that he was facing her, and wrapped his hands under her calves and pulled her forward. He cupped his hands around her cheeks and shook his head. "I know that when you say something else, that you mean me. And that is **not** true. I am in no way more important than you."

Aria stared off into a different direction, trying to keep her emotions in check. She didn't feel like she had the right to fall apart, or even be upset. Ezra moved a hand around her neck and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers, bringing her attention back to him once again.

"You don't have to hide yourself in front of me. I've been through everything you're feeling."

Aria closed her eyes as her bottom lip began to tremble. She opened them a moment later, and tears rolled down her face. "Exactly. And you've felt it all tenfold. So what reason do I have to complain?"

Ezra's brow furrowed in a mixture of hurt and frustration. "Are you blaming me for what you're going through?"

"No!" Aria cried. She whimpered as several tears rolled quickly down her face. "I'm saying that what I feel compared to you, can't match up."

"It's not a contest," he countered. "I get that knives-in-the-chest feeling. How you feel bad when you wake up screaming, and you've woken someone up. How you feel like it's not okay to talk about how you feel. But that doesn't mean I don't love you or don't want to know how you're doing."

"Then why did you avoid me for two weeks?" Aria argued.

Ezra pushed up from the bench, and immediately, Aria could tell he was avoiding answering the question.

"Don't you **dare** leave like this. I'm getting sick of people walking out on me and treating me like I can't handle things!"

Ezra stopped in front of the door, though he didn't turn around. A pregnant silence filled the air between them with a tension so quick it could be cut with a knife.

"Why are you doing this?" Aria asked angrily.

He finally turned around and looked at her, but the anger that she felt was just as clear on his face. "Because you deserve better than what I can give you."

They stared each other down, but Aria wasn't quite sure what to say to him. A part of her wanted to scream, but hadn't she known that he felt this way for quite a while now?

"I know that you want me to be here for you, and that you need someone who understands what you're feeling to talk to, but I'm not that guy." He said, shaking his head. He breathed out a shaky breath as his eyes became glassy with tears. "You think I don't know that you need someone? It **kills **me that I can't be there for you like I should be able to be. I feel like I've abandoned you at the worst possible time, and I have no _fucking_ clue how to fix it because I'm too damaged to figure it out!"

Aria clenched her teeth against each other as she breathed heavily; angrily. There was so much she wanted to say, but mostly she just wanted to scream at him. To make him hear just how much he was hurting her by pushing her away.

"Leave." She growled.

"Aria-"

"No!" She yelled at him. "You don't want to be here, so don't be! Leave, just like everyone else has been lately!"

Ezra stood there in front of her, surprised by her sudden change in emotion. Before he could say anything to the contrary, though, she dove at him and shoved him towards the door.

"Get **out**! Leave! I don't _want_ you here!" She screamed. If looks could kill, he would've dropped to the floor dead in front of her. Reluctantly, he turned and walked out of the room. Aria followed him out of the room, only to make sure that he actually left the house.

Once the door shut, she turned and walked down the hall to her bedroom. She wanted desperately to break something, but she knew that kind of rage could lead to broken bones. Her eyes came to fall on the photo of she and Ezra on her dresser. She picked it up and stared at it for a moment. Her hands shook from how angry she was.

She threw it across the room at the wall, and watched as it shattered and then fell to the floor. Something had to give.

_-  
>Loathing, unadulterated loathing<br>__Of your face, your hair, your clothing  
>-<em>

Hardy walked through the counseling centre, passing by several patients as he made his way up to the front desk. The woman behind it looked up at him. "Can I help you?"

He nodded. "Is Dr. Sullivan here?"

"Are you a patient?" The woman asked.

He looked down at his watch and sighed. He knew there was only way to get in to see her without making trouble. "I'm family. Tell her it's Hardy."

The receptionist looked at him suspiciously for a few moments before grabbing the phone off the receiver and pushing several buttons. A moment later, she spoke, and after a minute, she placed the phone back on the receiver and then looked up at him. "You can go back. First office on the right."

Hardy thanked her and then walked away from the window and headed into the hallway. He knocked on the door when he reached it, though it was already ajar.

"Come in, dear."

A small smile pushed onto his face as he walked into the room. Dr. Sullivan smiled back at him as she stood from her desk.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Hardy Danielson in the flesh." She chuckled. "What's brought you here tonight?"

Hardy pushed the door shut behind him and leaned against it. "Is Ezra alright?"

She nodded, closing a file on her desk. "He's staying at my house right now. You two still haven't spoken?"

Hardy's expression changed to one of discontent. "He made it clear that if I wanted to meddle with things that I should stay out of his life."

Dr. Sullivan laughed softly. "That didn't stop you from calling me after you heard Ezra tell Aria about everything."

"He's still my best friend," Hardy replied. "I didn't want that psycho killing him. I wouldn't have even done anything, but I called Eli, and he said he'd been talking to Ethan. I'm pretty sure he thought **I** was the stalker when I called him and told him that the guy was never caught."

Dr. Sullivan nodded. She picked up a coffee cup from her desk and walked around it before sitting down in her chair. "Well, what you did set in motion what kept my son from getting killed."

Hardy nodded, pressing his lips together. "Somehow I don't think Ezra is going to see it that way. He's on better terms with Jackie than he is with me. I never thought that was possible."

Dr. Sullivan laughed. "I think they only reason he doesn't hate her right now is because she kept Aria's father from killing that boy. I wouldn't say he deserved it, but something tells me that if my son had found out that the man who made his life hell for over a year was killed by someone else's hand, he probably would've never gotten over it. I don't think he actually cares that it was Jackie who stopped Byron. As it is, it doesn't matter now. The FBI is pulling together an ironclad case, and he's probably never going to see life outside of prison again."

She took a long breath and then shook her head. "Why are you here?"

Hardy ran a hand down the back of his head, trying to subdue the eeriness of what he was about to say. "I _may_ have seen him pass out at Hollis today. I **wasn't**stalking. I was passing the room, and I didn't stop because we're still not speaking. I just wanted to see if he was okay."

Dr. Sullivan laughed, shaking her head at him. "I swear you two can be worse than EJ and Eli when they're arguing. Always keeping an eye on each other and wanting to know if the other is okay."

Hardy raised his eyebrows, considering her words. "_Except_the part where I'm pretty sure he doesn't care what's going on in my life at the moment."

"I doubt that's true," Dr. Sullivan replied. "Anyhow, he's- well, I won't say **fine. **Truth be told, he's sleep-deprived, and if he doesn't rest soon, he's going to end up in the hospital with no immune system to fight whatever super bug he manages to catch in the middle of summer."

Hardy's face took on an expression of sadness. "Is there anything I can do?"

Dr. Sullivan shrugged, shaking her head. "I'm not sure. I know he's looking at new apartments right now in surrounding cities. Something tells me he's not planning to spend the rest of the summer at my place. Just try reaching out to him. You two have been friends too long for this to all fall apart now. And I'm sure hell be receptive to talking to you again."

_-  
>Just like Johnny and June<br>__They wrote their name on the moon  
>-<em>

Aria brushed her shoe over a cluster of leaves before lying down thin blanket and sitting down on the ground. The sun had finally set, and she was sure that if anyone saw her out that they wouldn't approve of her hanging out in a cemetery, but the last place she wanted to be was at home.

"Hey, Ali," she said softly as she wrapped her sweater over her legs. She let out a long sigh and picked at the polish on her fingernails. She'd never been here before; not since the burial almost a year ago.

"I was going out of my mind trying to figure out what to do. I don't know what you do up there in heaven," she laughed. "I _hope_ you're in heaven." She shook her head, trying to keep from crying again. "Everything has been really tough since Grady-… I don't know what to do. Ezra and I are doing **really **bad. I keep wanting to bring him here, to introduce you. I realize how stupid that sounds, but…"

She sighed heavily and rolled her eyes at herself. "I sound like a nut job. I'm talking to a gravestone." She looked back down at the headstone. "I just keep trying to figure out what to do, and who I could talk to, and you seemed like the best option. That's not really fair because technically you're the only one who won't answer me in a bad way, but I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I try to figure out what you'd say if you were here, but I really don't know what you'd say. You were usually just so blasé about serious things, but I hope that you wouldn't have been that way with me about all of this."

Tears began to roll down her face as she sat there. "I hate all of this. I feel **so** stupid about it all, and I feel dumb and broken and I don't know how to fix anything. Ezra said to me tonight that he was damaged, and it made me wonder if that's how he sees himself, then what he must see me as.

But maybe I'm just an idiot, right? I mean that's got to be it, right? I can't really be worth much at this point anyway. I don't know why he ever loved me to begin with."

"Aria?"

She quickly reached up and wiped the tears away on her face as her head turned in the direction of the voice she knew so well. Holden was standing a few feet away, walking towards her.

"Hey," she said softly.

He walked over to her and sat down on the open space on the blanket she'd put down. "Hey. Regaling Alison with new happenings?"

Aria laughed and then shook her head. She covered her eyes with her right hand as she began to cry again. Holden wrapped an arm around her and hugged her tightly.

"Hey," he said softly. "It's okay."

She shook her head, wrapping her arms under his. She'd barely spoken to him since the night of the party, but she knew he wouldn't judge her. In an odd way, Holden was like Ezra. She knew he loved her as a friend, but that she could trust him as well.

"It's not," she cried into his shoulder. "I'm too screwed up to fix anything, and I'm going to lose Ezra because of it."

Holden shook his head, continuing to comfort her. "You're not **supposed **to be all put together right now, but you are NOT screwed up, Aria. What happened to you isn't anyone's fault but Grady's and you have every right to take a detour from your life to get through everything in front of you right now."

Aria lifted her head up and leaned back so that she could see Holden. Tracks of tears ran down her face as she cried. "I can't _fix_ any of this, Holden! He's the only person I know who doesn't make me feel like I'm too broken to be loved, and he thinks **he's** too damaged to help me." She fell into another wave of tears. "He's going to leave, and there's nothing I can do to stop him."

"No he won't," Holden disagreed. "If he's really the guy that everyone keeps saying his is, then there's no way he would leave you."

_-  
>It can get so lonely here<br>__Still I know I'm not alone  
>-<em>

Ezra sighed heavily as he walked into his apartment. He hadn't been there in weeks other than to pack boxes, but he didn't really want to go back to his mother's house at the moment.

"Shouldn't you be at home sleeping right now?" Ethan asked.

Ezra groaned, dropping his head back. "C'mon! I don't need a lecture right now."

Ethan chuckled. "You're the one who said you were willing to give up the lease. I was just packing books into boxes. You know, trying to be of some help?"

Ezra walked over to the couch and sank down onto it. "Yeah, well the last thing I want to do right now is deal with Elijah following me around like a puppy, trying to figure out why I'm mad. I figured I could do some packing."

"What you **need **to do is get to some sleep," Ethan said. "I'll do the packing."

Ezra leaned forward and grabbed a book off the table. It was the same book that Aria had been looking at the day she'd found the article that he'd taken from her. After she'd left, he'd uncurled the paper and shoved it back into the book.

He turned the book open and picked up the crumpled paper. He didn't need to read the article; he knew it by heart.

"What've you got there?" Ethan asked.

"An article I wrote for the Hollis paper in my senior year on the campus rapist. It was the only one I ever wrote," he said quietly. He turned and looked up at Ethan as Ethan folded down the ends of a full box and then moved it to the floor. "This is my fault, right? Because under any other pretense, it doesn't make a lick of sense."

Ethan exhaled a long breath and walked around the coffee table. He sat down on the opposite end of the couch from Ezra. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Because," Ezra stated. "People keep telling me it's not my fault that Aria was raped, and unless what happened to me isn't of my own volition, then how else is any of this _possibly _capable of happening."

Ethan's expression changed as his brow knitted together and he clenched his jaw for a moment. "I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say that, but it doesn't change the fact that you didn't do anything wrong, under any circumstance. It isn't your fault that that man hunted you, or that Aria was raped. There's _nothing_ you could've done."

Ezra shook his head, huffing through his nose. "I should've picked her up that night. Just like I should've had enough sense to make sure my windows weren't broken and…."

"And what?" Ethan asked him. "Made another student write that article? Because maybe then it wouldn't have been you who was hurt? I know for a fact that you're not that kind of person, EJ. You would never wish bad things on someone."

"Then why the hell can't I have one thing work right in my life?" He cried, turning to look at Ethan. "I'm _this_close to losing Aria, and I don't think there's any possible way to fix it. I don't know how to be there for her. I don't even know how to fix my own life."

"Just give it time," Ethan said softly.

"Time isn't going to fix anything!' Ezra yelled. "Time is what got us into this mess!"

"Time** heals**," Ethan said. "You two need to take enough time to cool off from your argument and get your heads in the right spot. "Just give yourself some time to cool off. You never know; tomorrow you might wake up with a fresh perspective."

Ezra laughed sardonically. "Somehow I doubt that. Pretty sure when I wake up tomorrow, I'm still going to be as damaged as I am right now."

Ethan reached a hand out and gripped Ezra's shoulder tightly. "You are **not** damaged."

Ezra shook his head, turning it to look down at the floor. Arguing with Ethan was about as worthwhile as arguing with Anne. They always refuted every derogatory statement he made about himself.

"C'mon," Ethan said as he stood up. "I'll follow you back up to the house. I need to talk to your brother."

_-  
>I just got the first buck of the season<br>__I made the front page of the Turner Town Gazette  
>-<em>

Ethan retrieved a box from the back of his car, looking up briefly to make sure Ezra had headed into the house. He kicked the door shut and walked up towards the door.

"Do you want to explain to me why my daughter is so upset that her closest guy friend is sleeping at my house right now?"

Ethan turned around, surprised by Byron. He hadn't seen him drive up or even heard him get out of his car. "Where did you come from?"

"I showed up here fifteen minutes ago to talk to your son," Byron said angrily. "Considering his current situation, I figured he'd be around soon. Back to my original point; why is my daughter so upset?"

Ethan shook his head, walking up to the house with Byron. When they reached the door, he walked inside and then settled the box he'd been holding on the couch and closed the door once Byron was inside.

"I don't know everything," he said finally. "But I **do **know why they had an argument."

"Ethan?"

He turned his head as Anne walked into the room, perplexed at the sight of both Ethan and Byron.

"What's going on here?" She inquired.

"Where's your son?" Byron asked.

"He went straight back to his room," she replied. "You can go back if you need to speak to him, but I'm pretty sure he's going to sleep. Ethan?"

Byron took a step forward, but Ethan grabbed his arm and stopped him from walking further. "No." He looked up at his ex-wife. "I brought some of Eli's stuff. He was supposed to pick it up tomorrow, but I've got to get back to New York to finish packing up my place." He turned his attention back to Byron. "Now while I'm sympathetic to your daughter's situation and everything she's dealing with at the moment, the last thing **my son **needs right now is for you to go in there and yell at him."

Byron glared at him. "I came home to broken glass in her room and doors left unlocked. I don't' think I need to explain to you, or well," he paused for a moment, laughing cruelly as he bothered a glance at Anne, and then turned back to Ethan. "I guess you _wouldn't_ understand how terrifying that is."

Ethan shook his head. The comment clearly affected him, but he did his best to shrug it off. "I entirely respect the fact that those things probably scared the hell out of you, but that's still no reason to jump down my son's throat. He's carrying just as much weight around as your daughter, if not more."

Byron narrowed his eyes at Ethan. "Are you belittling what she's been through?"

"No!" Ethan snapped. He paused to take a breath in attempt to bring even the slightest calm to himself, but it did little to make him feel better. "Look, your daughter was raped. I spent more than a decade as an SVU cop. I understand that world. I also understand that whether it be her _or_ him, living inside their minds right now is not easy in the slightest. And I realize how selfish this is going to come off, but your daughter had a lot going for her when she got raped. She had you, and your wife, and she even had my son. As I understand it, she also had her friends at her side at school." Ethan scrunched his nose and shook his head as he brushed a hand under his nose. "My son had no one the first time around. His roommate thought he hooked up with someone, and he let him believe that. When he finally **did** tell people, he tried to kill himself. I was wrong for it, but I told him he should've tried harder. That aside, he's been forced to relive that torture four more times. And now that this guy is finally in jail, he hasn't got a clue how to fix anything. Screw the fact that there's a trial coming up later this summer; I'm not sure he's even going to make it that long. He never sleeps. I know he screams and sweats in his sleep because the nightmares are that bad."

"So your son is more important than my daughter," Byron inferred. "Because he's suffered more, by your interpretation."

Anne stepped forward in the room. "I would normally never come between an argument like this, but if you would give me a moment-"

Byron turned his attention toward her curtly.

She gulped at his obvious outward showing of anger. "I understand that you're upset. And I understand it probably scares you that your daughter is having such a harsh outpouring of emotion, but coming from a parent whose child bottles it all in, you should consider it a good thing. My son my scream in his sleep, and he may occasionally let someone see how much this all really affects him, but that's rare, and when he does, he makes it very clear that it's not alright. And as scary as it is I **wish** he would let out some of that emotion."

_-  
>I remember what song was playing<br>__And that it was raining  
>-<em>

Ezra stared down at the keys in his hands as he sat in the booth farthest back in the bar. He hadn't snuck out of his room since he was a freshman in the dorms, but he couldn't stand the arguing going on between Byron and his parents any longer, so he'd gotten redressed and then slipped out of the house from the door in his mother's room. He had walked aimlessly for a while until he found himself standing in front of Snookers.

He hadn't really wanted any alcohol, but he also hadn't wanted to go back home. The bartender was busy mopping up vomit from an earlier patron, so he found a booth and had slipped into it. He'd been sitting there ever since.

The door opened across the room as he stared down at his phone sitting on the table. The only reason he knew was by the cool breeze that came through the room. The bar desperately needed a new air conditioning system.

The bartender asked the newest patron if they wanted anything to drink. The female had replied negatively. She'd caught Ezra's attention then, and looked up as she headed towards the booth and slipped into it across from him.

"Thought I might find you here."

He looked back down at his phone, raising his eyebrows as if the answer was obvious. "It was better than listening to your husband argue with my parents. How's you know?"

Ella shrugged, settled her hands on the top of the table. "My daughter has told me a few stories since revealing your relationship. How you met might've been one of them."

Ezra nodded slowly.

"Look," she said. "I didn't come here to yell at you. I can understand both your predicament, as well as Aria's. What bothers me is that you both seem to have this issue with not actually communicating how you're feeling about the actual problems you're having, and instead leave it to the situation at hand. I think tonight is the first time in weeks that I've actually seen her let out some of what she's been feeling ever since she was raped."

"Glad I could be of service," Ezra said in a snarky manner.

Ella gave him that look he knew well from the police station, and shook her head. "I came here because I would hate to see you two lose each other now, after all you've done to fight for your relationship. You deserve to see it through. I know you both still care very much for each other. I guess what I'm saying is to not give up so easily. It's the same thing I told Aria when she told me about your argument. As odd as it might be, you two seem to be the best thing for each other in this situation, and I'd hate to see it end now. So just give it a chance, okay?"

He could've said no. He could've come up with a dozen different lies about why he didn't really care about Aria and he only cared about himself, but there was a subtle hopefulness that Aria carried within her, that he knew came from Ella, and he could see it on her face. There was no way he could say no.

"Okay."


	18. Wash This Hopeless, Broken Life Away

**A/N: **The song Aria is playing while talking to Simone is Between Shades Of Gray by Gavin Mikhail. It's a beautiful instrumental, and I swear I love this man's work. It's definitely worth listening to while reading.

Also, this chapter was intended to be something entirely different, but it's quickly become my favourite to write so far.

_Chapter 18_

_Wash This Hopeless, Broken Life Away_

Aria pulled on a loose thread of her red sundress as she rocked back and forth on the swing situated on her parents porch. It was another dangerously hot day, and the last thing she wanted was to give her parents another reason to hover over her. Sitting on the porch allowed her to enjoy the weather – at least as much as she enjoyed anything these days – without being stuck under the stifling sun. She had a battery-operated fan in her lap, but she wasn't actually using it, and a bottle of icy water nearby to keep her cool.

Her phone buzzed where it rested on her knee, and then fell onto the swing on the side of her leg as she released the thread she was pulling on. She reached down and grabbed it, but only to turn it to silent. She had no interest in talking to anyone. She knew that her friends had been trying to get in touch with her for days to make plans for Independence Day, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to do anything with them lately.

"Aria?"

She looked over from the tree she was staring at. It took her a moment to register the fact that Simone was walking up the steps of her house. She forced a smile onto her face, but she could tell just by the way her face felt that it wasn't exactly selling.

"Hey," she murmured softly.

Simone walked over to the swing and sat down next to her.

"What're you doing here in town?" Aria asked. She began pulling on the thread on her dress again.

Simone pushed buttons on her phone for a few moments and then looked up at Aria. "I came to visit my parents, and I ran into your mom at the farmer's market. She said you were going through some tough stuff and home alone. I thought maybe you'd like some company."

Aria looked over Simone. She was tempted to yell at her and just be blatant about the 'tough stuff' she was dealing with, but at the last moment, she hanged her mind. She turned her head back towards the tree that was still holding most of her attention.

"Last I heard, you were in a serious relationship," Simone said, trying to change the subject. "You posted something on facebook about a double date?"

"Yeah well that might be over," Aria replied stiffly. She hadn't seen Ezra in two days, and she wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to. It was silent for a few minutes before Aria finally turned her head around again to look at Simone.

"What do you really want, Simone? I spend enough time acting happy for my parents," she snapped.

Simone leaned back an inch or so, surprised at at Aria's sudden scorn. "Aria-"

"Why don't you just go find Ezra Fitz," Aria growled. "I'm sure he'd be happy to entertain you for a few hours. At least he's single enough for you to throw yourself at him now."

"Aria!"

The suddden change in Simone's voice surprised her as she realized what she'd just said. She felt guilty for saying something so rude, but apologizing would mean telling Simone about everything. She wasn't quite sure she could do that. She exhaled a long sigh as her bottom lip trembled and quickly whipped her head away. She was sick and tired of the water works.

"You've **never **been like this," Simone observed. "Do… Did a boy do this?"

Aria's diaphram spasmed as if she might laugh, but only a heavy breath pushed through her nose. "Sure. Yeah. A boy did this."

Simone sat behind her, perplexed by her attitude. She knew that there was a hint of sarcasm in Aria's voice, but she couldn't quite place why.

Aria's phone blinked in her lap, and she growled, picking it up and answering it. She really didn't want to talk to anyone, but it was better than playing twenty questions with Simone.

"**What**!" She growled into the phone. There was a brief moment of silence before Ezra's voice finally came over it.

"_I've been trying to call you since yesterday morning." _

"Right," she acknowledged. "And I've been ignoring them. What do you want?"

_"To talk with you," _he replied simply. _"Is that at all possible?" _

She breathed out a frustrated breath, weighing her options. Finally she responded, "I guess. I'm alone all day. I'm sure you can get a key from my father."

She didn't bother saying anything else to him or waiting for him to say anything back as she pulled the phone away from her ear. She got up off the swing and walked around Simone, into the house. She was about to shut the door behind her, when Simone caught it and then stepped in the house and followed her in. She closed it behind her.

"Do you act like that towards your parents?" Simone asked. Aria could hear the authorative tone in her voice.

She spun around quickly, pointing a firm finger at Simone. "**Don't **talk to me like I'm a child. I'm not a child."

"Really?" Simone asked, crossing her arms. "Because you're certainly throwing quite a tantrum right now."

Aria bit her tongue for several moments. Why did **everyone **in her life have to know? Why couldn't she have one secret to herself?

"A temper tantrum would imply that I have a childish reason to be upset, and last I checked **rape** isn't something _childish_," she chided.

Simone's jaw dropped as she stared at Aria for a few moments. It was only a few moments longer before Aria stormed past her and walked to the front door to lock it before she stomped up the stairs. She shoved the door to the piano room open and walked over to the piano. She lifted the cover up and then sat down, pushing down roughly on a few keys.

A few minutes later, she looked up at a random spot on the wall as Simone came into the room. She leaned up against the door frame as Aria continued to punch keys on the piano with her index finger.

"I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry," she said.

Simone nodded, tucking her hands into the pockets of her shorts. "I understand."

"I hate telling people," Aria said quickly after her. "I hate it all. I feel like you'll all just see me as tainted."

"I don't think you're tainted," Simone said. She walked over to the piano and sat down next to Aria. "I can't even begin to understand what you've been through, but I respect you for having the stamina to even get out of bed in the morning."

Aria gave one nod, continuing to push keys on the piano, though she became less angered, and eventually rested both her hands on the piano and let her fingers moved slowly over the keys. She knew the song by heart, and she didn't need to think much at all to play it.

"It was mean of me to say what I did about Ezra," she murmured.

One corner of Simone's pulled up into a half-smile. "You always did have a crush on him, didn't you?"

Aria looked up at Simone, surprised her mother hadn't told her. Her mouth hung slightly ajar for just a moment before she said it. "Simone, Ezra's my boyfriend. He has been for almost a year."

Simone raised her eyebrowas at Aria, clearly surprised. "Really?"

Aria nodded, looking back down at the piano as her fingers drifted down from the high end of the piano as she recalled the notes of the song. "We met on Labor day. I told my parents a few months ago."

"And they just _let_ you two continue dating?" Simone asked.

Aria shook her head, keeping her eyes on the piano. "They wanted us to break up. But we fought for our relationship, and then I went on my class trip to DC. The day after I got back, we were supposed to have dinner with my parents, but it never happened."

"Why not?"

Aria gulped, feeling warm tears fill her eyes. "Because I decided to go to a party that night, and Grady Murphy decided to-…" She shook her head, unable to finish the sentence. "I got home that night, and they were all here waiting for me. Things have kind of been a mess ever since." She laughed sadly. "Ezra and I are barely even speaking right now."

"He's abandoned you like this after fighting for your relationship?" Simone asked, taken aback. "Seriously?"

Aria whipped her head up, looking up at Simone. "No, Simone, its not like that. He's-"

"Aria, don't defend him for 'not being able to handle it' or whatever pish-posh he fed you. That's pathetic and very low of him to do."

"It's not like that," Aria interjected. "Ezra would never do something like that."

Simone gave her a confused look. "Then what **is** it like?"

"It's _'like'_I know everything she's feeling because I've lived through it."

Aria and Simone both turned to see Ezra standing by the door. He was holding his hand close to his body like he often did when it was having pain. Aria watched Ezra and Simone exchange a look. They'd only met twice, but Aria couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever told Simone anything about his senior year in the dorms. The last time they'd seen each other was when he'd met her editor, and from what she knew of that meeting, Ezra had told Simone that he had a girlfriend, but had left it at that.

"So you two were dating when your mom tried to set me up with him?" Simone finally asked as she turned back around to look at Aria. Aria nodded, feeling her cheeks flush slightly.

"Thanks to you, he told me he loved me," Aria said self-consciously.

Simone chuckled, wrapping an arm around Aria. "Well, glad I could be of some service to **someone's** love life! Though, if I might ask, how in the world did he break his wrist? Your mom said it was a story worth hearing."

Aria let her attention be pulled back to the piano as Ezra walked over and sat down tentatively on her other side. She kept her attention on the keys, just letting her memory guide her fingers again.

"I punched a wall," Ezra said. "Or at least I was trying to. My best friend disoriented me and I ended up hitting the doorframe."

"Ouch," Simone commented, feigning a look of pain. As she exchanged look with Ezra, she could see the fading scars on his face.

They sat and chatted for a few more moments before she got up and walked out of the room, telling Aria she'd see her later. Aria scooched over on the piano bench to create some room between she and Ezra, though she continued to play the piano.

"Are you still mad at me," he asked nervously.

"You made me feel abandoned," she said simply.

Ezra reached up and grabbed her hands off the piano, forcing her to look up at him. "I never meant to hurt you. I'm just scared I'm going to hurt you more than you already have been. I don't want to do that."

Aria reached a hand up and rested it on his cheek. She looked at him similarly to the way she had the day he'd caught Jackie threatening her in his office, before she'd left for school. "You hurt me more by shutting me out. I hate being alone, Ezra."

He kissed her forehead. "I wish I knew how to field through all of this crap and know how to be here with and for you without being codependant, but I don't. I swear I'm trying my best."

Aria closed her eyes. Once again she found herself grateful just to have him there with her.

"Tired?" He asked her.

She looked up at him and forced a small smile onto her face. "The only time I really sleep mildly well is when you're here."

Ezra swung around on the piano bench and then stood and offered his hand to Aria. "Then let's take a nap."

She took his hand and followed him out of the room. She pulled the door shut behind her and began to follow him down the hall. Halfway to her room, she jumped suddenly at the sound of a very loud crack. Ezra chuckled and turned to her. The loud sound was enough to scare her to tears.

He kissed her forehead again as he rubbed her back comfortingly. "It was just thunder. There's supposed to be storms all afternoon."

"Are you sure?" Aria asked.

Ezra nodded, pulling her down the hall to her bedroom. Once inside, he pointed towards the window. Much to her surprise, there was rain slapping against the window, and the sky had grown quite dark.

"I think the door is unlocked downstairs," she said nervously.

Ezra let go of her hand. "I'll go make sure it's locked. Why don't you change?"

Aria watched him leave the room, and sunk down onto her bed. She couldn't help but think about how if things had happened differently, they might've found themselves utilizing this afternoon in a very different manner. Now she wondered if they would ever have sex. She wasn't entirely rushing towards it at the moment, but it didn't mean she didn't love him, and she couldn't help but feel like they paled in comparison to Hanna and Caleb, who had barely been together a few weeks before they'd had sex. She and Ezra were going on almost ten months, and they still hadn't explored that world yet.

He walked back into the room a few moments later, bringing her out of her thoughts. He was talking about the doors, but she was to distracted in her own thoughts to hear him at first. When she finally did look up, she realized she'd misseds something.

"Sorry, what?"

Ezra chuckled. "I asked why you didn't change."

She shrugged. "Oh, I… No reason, I guess. I'm fine sleeping like this."

"Okay," Ezra said nervously. He walked over the bed and settled his phone on the nightstand next to where Aria had put hers when they came into the room.

She let him take the outside of the bed for once, but curled up against him, wishing for something to drown out the claps of thunder outside her window. Ezra rubbed his hands up and down her back comfortingly as they laid there. Eventually, the first round of storms seemed to move far enough away that it wasn't thundering every two minutes, and she calmed.

She tilted her head up to look at him, and he smiled down at her. She moved a hand around his head and brought his lips down to hers. They kissed chastely for a moment before she opened her mouth. At the same moment, Ezra slipped his tongue past his own lips and brushed it into her mouth.

Aria's heart began to beat faster as her stomach flipped like fireworks were setting off in her body. It had been quite a while since he'd really kissed her like this. She let her hands move to his hair as their tongues brushed over one another, and she felt Ezra's hand grip her leg, pulling it over his. His hand moved up and down the back of her thigh, moving dangerously higher each time.

Willing to give the same daring amount as action as he was, one of Aria's hands moved down to his jean shorts, and her fingers curled lightly inside his waist band. She didn't do anything more, but as the kissing grew more heated, he rolled them over so that she was on top of him, and things quickly went south. Tremors filled her body, and it only took a moment for her to wonder why she was shaking so violently until she realized that he was also shaking. She moved off of him, pulling her hands up to her chest as she laid back down on the inside of the bed, facing the wall.

"I'm sorry," Aria murmured quietly. She felt bad for not only for trying to insinuate anything, but for the fact that she knew she'd aroused him as well. "I thought I…" She shook her head, biting down on the knuckles of her index fingers.

Ezra rolled into her and wrapped an arm around her side. He kissed her bare shoulder and rubbed his hand up and down her upper arm. "Don't apologize. You weren't the only one."

Aria nodded, but it really wasn't much comfort. After a few minutes, Ezra reached around and grabbed one her hands and squeezed it lightly. She laced her fingers into his hand, rubbing her thumb over the top of his.

"You don't think we're stupid?" She asked after a while.

"No," he replied quietly. She could tell that he'd started to doze. "I think we're both curious to see how far things can go before they blow up."

She let out a small laugh. "You think we'll ever just be normal?"

"Maybe one day," he said in a light tone before yawning, "when you're thirty or fourty."

Aria laughed, and her nerves began to fall away. She let herself turn over and curl up against him again. Ezra wrapped his arm around her back, and they both finally let themselves succomb to sleep.

_-  
>Bring on the rain, let it wash away<br>__The past, the pain we've been feeling  
>-<em>

Aria jumped awake sometime later when another rush of storms hit, bringing with it loud rumbles of thunder. As she pushed up from the bed, she looked down at the spot next to her. Ezra's expression was knit into one of disontent, but he was still fast asleep.

She moved quietly off the bed and walked over to the window. Rain was coming down harder, if it was even possible, and the sky was getting darker. She reached over and grabbed her phone off the nightstand. The screen lit up with missed calls and text messages from her parents. She read all of them and then walked out of the room and pulled the door shut behind her.

She tiptoed down the hall as she brought her phone up to her ear while it rang. She made her way down the steps and then walked to the front door and unlocked it before opening it. Thunder rattled the house as she took a step out onto the porch. Water was coming down off the roof in sheets, and each tepid gust of wind brought the wetness up onto the porch. The sky was dark and thick with nearly black clouds.

She stepped back in the house a moment later as her call was finally received. She locked the door.

"_Aria? Are you okay? Is Ezra with you?" _

"Yeah," she replied to her mother. "It's a little hard to hear you."

"_I'll probably lose you soon," _Came Ella's crackled voice over the line. Aria moved through the house quickly trying to find a better spot for reception. She settled on a spot near a window in the sitting room where the fuzziness and crackling was at a minimum. _"Your dad and I are in Philadelphia right now, trying to wait out the storm. Are you guys safe?"_

"Yeah," she replied quietly. She watched as the water flooded down the side of the window, giving the world a distorted view. "We're at the house."

"_Okay," _Ella replied. _"Stay there. There are some tornado warnings in surrounding cities, so be careful. We might not make it back tonight; the rain is supposed to keep coming until tomorrow afternoon. You sure you'll be okay?"  
><em>

"Yeah, Aria said again. "We'll manage."

"_I spoke to Dr. Sullivan and if there's any lull in Rosewood, try to get over to her house, alright?" _

Aria replied affirmatively, but she knew both from what she was seeing outside and from her mother's voice that neither of them were expecting anything of the sort. A moment later, the crackling took over the phone line and then it cut dead. Aria pulled the phone away from ear and looked at the screen to be sure before turning the volume back up on it. She wasn't expecting any more messages or calls, but at least if she got any, she'd be able to hear it.

She walked into the kitchen and settled her phone on the counter before heading over to the sink. She made sure all of the appliances were unplugged incase of a power surge, and silently prided herself in charging her phone that morning. She grabbed a glass out of one of the cupboards and then walked over to the fridge and grabbed a pitcher of iced tea and filled the glass with the amber liquid before placing the pitcher back in the fridge.

She walked back into the sitting room and through the house, making sure anything with electricity flowing was unplugged and capped before she headed back up the stairs. She walked back to the piano room and opened the door once more. With the darkened skies, lighting was minimal. She walked over to the small closet inside the room and opened it up. Inside it rested emergency supplies. She moved a few boxes around and then grabbed one with flashlights and candles. After giving one of the flashlights a quick shake, it came to life. She used it to search through the rest of the closet. Box by box, she pulled one out after another.

She distributed candles around the room and then lit them. Even though the power technically wasn't out, she didn't want to do anything reckless.

After the candles were lit and properly placed so that they wouldn't drip wax everywhere, she returned to the boxes. She found several large first aid kits, no doubt for any kind of natural disaster. There were several packages of batteries of all different types to keep things charged. There was an emergency radio at the bottom that needed the batteries changed, but she couldn't find a screw driver.

Giving up for the moment, she went into Mike's room and made sure all of his power sockets were covered and that nothing was plugged into anything before she left the room. She nervously headed to her parents room and pushed the door open. She unplugged the TV in their room and capped the socket before checking the alarm clock that rested next to her mother's side of the bed. It ran on batteries, so she left the room a moment later.

She walked into her room quietly, and smiled as she saw Ezra was facing the wall. If she could be quiet and quick, then she hoped he would sleep through her taking precautions.

She checked her own sockets after unplugging her alarm clock and covered them with the small plastic caps before checking her bathroom as well. Afterwards, she walked back through her room. She grabbed her journal from her dresser and then walked back down the hall to the piano room.

Light danced on the walls as she settled her journal on the piano and walked over to the boxes. She found extra sleeping bags, thermal packs, and packages of bottled water, among many other things. She let herself resign to the fact that she'd done enough to keep the house in order for the time-being, and sat down at the piano bench.

"_Can I ask you something?" _

_Aria stared at a random spot on the floor, counting tiles if only to distract herself. She traced her finger against the movements of the water droplets on her slushy, but her attention was more on the conversation at hand. She couldn't actually believe she in the same room with this woman, carrying on a real conversation. _

"_Sure," Jackie replied softly. _

"_That night when you were in his apartment…" She took several breaths, nervous. Jackie had already explained to her why she stayed. But a part of her desperately wanted to know everything that had taken place, regardless of how innocent._

"_I never would've tried to do anything with him," Jackie said. She swallowed hard, and for the first time since Aria had met the woman, she thought she might actually see her cry. "I remember he was being really snarky, and he was angry. He was yelling at me and accusing me of meddling because I called him out for being so rude to Hardy. I kept pushing him, because I knew him well enough to know that he needed to let out what he was feeling before it ate him up, but he kept telling me to leave._

"_He was really upset and trying to calm down, and I asked him if he'd told you about anything yet. He started asking me why things happened – you know, the typical questions – and I was telling him he didn't do anything. He kept telling me it was his fault that you were raped; that he somehow should've been able to prevent it. _

"_He started to cry, and I did too because I'd never seen him that upset. Like I told you before, I was afraid to leave him. We actually sat there until midnight because I was afraid that if I woke him, he'd get upset again. He woke up from a nightmare screaming, and I offered to stay, but he said he was just going to go to bed, and politely asked me to leave. So I did." _

She stared down at the words on her journal page. She'd written the lyrics right after Ezra had told her about everything had happened to him, the night she'd slept over at his apartment. He had been asleep next to her, but when she couldn't sleep, she'd decided to write out how she felt, which had culminated in most of the song. The rest had come after Jackie had told her about the night in Ezra's apartment.

She placed her journal down on the stand behind the keys and bent it back so that it would stay open before she placed her fingers on the keys. It took a few moments before she found a rhythm, but after a bit, she began to play.

"_I remember tears streaming down your face  
><em>_When I said I'll never let you go  
><em>_When all those shadows almost killed your light  
><em>_I remember you said, don't leave me here alone  
><em>_But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight_

_Just close your eyes  
><em>_The sun is going down  
><em>_You'll be alright,  
><em>_No one can hurt you now  
><em>_Come morning light,  
><em>_You and I'll be safe and sound…"_

Outside the room and down the hall, Ezra began to rouse at the sound of Aria singing and playing the piano. Thunder continued to roll as he pushed off the bed and walked out of the room. He came upon the room as she started what he assumed to be the chorus. He walked into the room and sat down next to her.

Aria looked up at him, suddenly stopping.

"Keep playing," he coaxed.

She turned back to the piano and began to play again, though slightly nervous.

"_Don't you dare look out your window,  
><em>_Darlin, everything's on fire  
><em>_The war outside our door keeps raging on  
><em>_Hold on to this lullaby  
><em>_Even when the music's gone, gone_

_Just close your eyes  
><em>_The sun is going down  
><em>_You'll be alright  
><em>_No one can hurt you now  
><em>_Come morning light,  
><em>_You and I'll be safe and sound…"_

Her voiced trailed into a series of 'ouu's and and 'ahh's as she sang, and Ezra watched her fingers dance along the keys as he drank in the sound of her voice.

"_Just close your eyes  
><em>_You'll be alright,  
><em>_Come morning light,  
><em>_You and I'll be safe and sound…"_

Aria looked up at him when she finally finished playing the song. "I wrote it about you," she said quietly.

Ezra nodded. "I gathered that. How long have you been up?"

She shrugged, pushing down on the keys at random. "For a little while, I guess. My parents are stuck in Philadelphia, and there's a bunch of weather warnings. My mom said if the weather cleared up enough, and we could make it over to your mom's house, that we should try. But we're pretty much-"

"Boxed in," Ezra finished for her. He nodded, looking out the window. The weather hadn't changed at all since Aria had gone out onto the porch while she was on the phone. He looked around the room and then eyed Aria cuiously. "Candles, thunderstorm, no one to catch us. If this weren't the reality we were stuck in, I'd swear you were trying to seduce me."

Aria giggled. "Is it working?"

Ezra leaned into her and kissed her softly on the lips. She brought her hands up to his face and held it gently as she kissed him back.

"Absolutely," he whispered with a smile playing on his lips.

"What're we really going to do with the next twelve hours alone?" Aria asked.

Ezra dropped his head back as he laughed at the comment that ran through his head. When he managed the gather himself, he looked back at Aria. "I was just thinking about how if we were at my mom's she'd tell us to knit. I told you that's what she'd have me do if she had a choice in any of it."

Aria chuckled. "I'm **not** spending the next twelve hours knitting."

Ezra shrugged, looking around. "Got any board games?"

Aria smiled at him cheerfully. "I got the turntable version of scrabble for my birthday this year. I haven't even opened it yet."

Ezra chuckled. "A couple of English nerds like us? I guess that's the perfect game."

Aria stood and grabbed her journal, and Ezra followed after her. As they reached the door, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against him.

"Just one thing?" He whispered.

She looked up at him curiously. "Yeah?"

"Prepare to eat my dust, Montgomery."


	19. So Yeah, You Said You Heard This One

_Chapter 19_

_So Yeah You Said You Heard This One,  
>Maybe Lived It Twice<em>

Aria stared out the window as Ezra poured apple juice into wine glasses on the coffee table behind her. They were making bit of a mockery of what they deemed could've been a perfect date night, if they didn't have the current troubles in their lives. Instead, she had opened the brand new scrabble box while he had searched freely through her cupboards and hunted down some chips for them to munch on.

"There's really no reason why **you **couldn't have alcohol," she said as she watched a tree bat up against the window. She grimaced at the sound it made scraping at the glass. "Is this safe? It seems like one big gust is going to send it into the living room."

Ezra looked up at her as he lit two candles on the table. "I can't because I'm still on pain medication, and as far as the tree, I'd say staying away from the window is your best bet. If that thing blows in, there's going to be glass and water everywhere."

Aria walked over to the couch and sat down, keeping her arms crossed in front of her. She'd changed into grey cotton shorts and a blue tank top, but without any cool air moving through the house, and little change in the heat outside, it was warm in the house. Ezra still had on his shorts and t-shirt, though she was sure it was because he was being modest for her sake.

"I think I saw some tarp upstairs in one of the boxes, incase any of the windows _do _blow open." She said. "There's so much up there. Cases of water, first aid, boxes upon boxes of cereal…"

Ezra chuckled, shaking the Scrabble box to mix up the tiles. "At least your parents are prepared. My mother owns a first aid kit and extra sleeping materials for unexpected company, but she hardly has any sense of a preparedness plan. Neither does my father."

Aria smirked, laughing. "My parents always used to tell Mike and I that if an earthquake happened and we were separated, all these different places we'd meet up, depending on where we were at the time. Like when we moved back from Iceland, they told us if it happened after school hours, we were supposed to meet at Hollis, on the roof of the English department."

They both laughed together for a few moments, trying to imagine such a situation. After a bit, Aria picked up the pen and notebook off the table that she'd gotten from her room and wrote her name near Ezra's before drawing a line between their names and under each of them.

They spent the next hour playing a game before Ezra went upstairs in search of supplies, and to use the bathroom. Aria washed out their glasses and then filled them with more juice before returning to the sitting room. She settled them on the table before a loud smack against the window made her jump. In just a matter of two or three seconds, dozens of memories where she was whipping around to see what had caused a certain noise for fear of 'A' being there buzzed through her mind.

She turned around and looked up at the window. Either the wind, rain, or both were picking up speed once again in their turmoil against each other, because it was slapping hard against the window. She could hear Ezra talking from the top of the steps and turned her head towards them.

"What?" She called across the house. With no flow of electricity at the moment, and nothing else to bring noise, she could hear him alright if he spoke just a little louder than normal.

"I said one of the windows broke upstairs," he said. His voice grew louder as he came down the stairs carrying a box. Both his arms were under it, but she could tell that his left arm was taking most of the weight.

"I covered it with a tarp as best I could and grabbed a few things." He winced as he settled the box on the coffee table, and Aria could see he'd cut his hand with the glass.

She walked over to him and pulled one of the first aid kits from the box. He'd also brought down another tarp, some nails, a hammer, and what looked to be an exacto-knife. She lifted it up and looked at him curiously. "What's this for?"

Ezra looked up at the window she was so wary about as the tree branch beat against it. "If the wind blows any harder, that branch is going to be in the living room. We can cover the window as best as possible if it blows open, but if we don't cut some of those smaller branches, it's they're going to break through the tarp."

Aria nodded, settling the sharp object on the table. She opened up the first aid kit and grabbed a few moistened towelette packages and tore them open. She wiped down Ezra's hand while he took one of the towelettes and wiped down his forearm. There was a relatively steady flow coming from a knick on the side of his wrist that he'd covered with a cloth, but everything else would be fine with a bandaid.

She pulled out antiseptic spray and sprayed it on his wrist and then his hand before wiping it down with a few pieces of gauze. She placed the weaved bandaging on his wrist and ordered him to hold it there while she placed bandaids on the cuts he'd gotten on several of his fingers before she tore open a fresh package of gauze. She squirted antibiotic ointment on it and then put it on his wrist before using a roll of gauze to wrap twice around his wrist to hold the bandaging in place. She cut it with a pair of small scissors in the kit and then taped down the bandages.

She looked down into the box as she zipped the kit shut and her brow knit in confusion. "Dried beef strips? What is this, the Hunger Games trilogy?"

Ezra chuckled. "I saw them up in the boxes."

Aria nodded suspiciously. She looked over at the window again and then turned back to Ezra. "Can you go get the towel off the counter in the kitchen?"

He walked out of the room and she took a few steps closer to the window. It took everything in her to not flinch as the tree branch slapped into the window.

"Ezra, bring that whole basket," she called out loudly. The volume was needed, as a moment later, a loud crack began to file down the glass, and within a few seconds, it gave way. The next few seconds blurred together as a dull ache filled her right hip, and a stabbing pain covered most of her left arm. She opened her eyes and looked up to see Ezra hovering over her. He was only there for a second, before he moved away from her for a moment and grabbed a small towel from the basket and wrapped it around her arm. The ache in her side made sense; he'd tackled her to the floor.

"Don't worry about me," she insisted. "The window."

Ezra turned back to it. The first initial gusts had blown most of the easily breakable pieces into the house already. He had socks on, but he grabbed several towels and laid them on the floor over the mess anyway before grabbing the exacto-knife from the table and walked over to the window.

Breaking off the first few branches were easy and barely took him a minute. Even so, after he got some of it cut away, he knew he would have to cut at least half the branch in order to keep the tarp from being ripped. It was possible, but would take more than two minutes, and likely soak his cast in the process.

"Let me help," Aria said as she came up to his side.

"You're bleeding," he told her.

"And you're going to smell wretched if you cut it down." She said.

"It doesn't matter," Ezra argued. You're too short. You'll end up hurting yourself. But I you want to help, hold the tree branch still while I cut. Maybe we can do this faster."

"Wait," Aria insisted. She walked over to the basket of towels and grabbed one. She wrapped it around Ezra's cast and tied it in place around his hand and around his forearm before reaching her hands up to grab the branch. It was just within her reach, and she held as tightly as she could as Ezra sawed against it. After a few minutes, she felt it give way, and she tossed it out the broken window.

She passed Ezra a fresh towel and he used it to quickly remove the rest of the glass and place it into a paper bag Aria managed to find.

Afterwards, she grabbed the tarp and helped him to get it up as best she could. For the most part, she stood by his side and made sure water wasn't coming in through the sides or the bottom.

Once everything was covered, Ezra took her over to the couch and cleaned and bandaged the cut on her arm. It wasn't deep, but it stretched from her elbow all the her wrist on the other side of her arm, and had cut her tank top and nicked her chest before it had hit the floor.

After he got her cleaned up, she rewrapped his wrist and then they finished cleaning up what they could of the mess on the floor before laying a few more towels down incase any water came in. Finally, after about half an hour, they decided that they'd done enough work and agreed that her bedroom was probably the safest place to be. Aria put Scrabble back in its box and handed it to Ezra before she grabbed the box he'd brought down and followed him up the steps.

"Funny, isn't it?" She asked. "We've been here alone two hours, and we've already managed to get injured."

Ezra chuckled as he reached the top of the steps. "Well you **are** a walking accident."

Aria raised an eyebrow at him. "This coming from the guy who punched a wall and broke his wrist."

Ezra nodded teasingly at her. "Yes, but I was _looking_ to get hurt. Maybe not to that degree, but either way…"

They walked down the hall to her room, and Aria settled the box on her dresser and then pulled open one of the drawers. She pulled out a clean tank top and then opened another drawer and grabbed clean shorts before finally opening yet another and pulling out clean undergarments.

She turned around and looked at Ezra and his soaked-through clothes. She walked over to her closet and opened it. On the floor rested a bag with clothes that he'd left there in the past two months.

She pulled it out and tossed it to him. "I think there's shorts and a t-shirt in there."

She walked into her bathroom and closed the door behind her until only a slight stream of light came through, before settling her clothes on the vanity. She desperately wanted to take a shower, but doing it in the dark reminded her too much of the night she'd been raped.

"_Hey, I'm gonna be there in like ten minutes," she murmured into her phone cheerfully. "I can't wait to see you." _

"_Aria!"_

_She looked up at Grady and ended her conversation with Ezra, walking down the driveway towards his car. _

"_Duck!" He yelled at her. And she barely had two second to drop close to ground before one of the partygoer's tossed a beer bottle over her head. It smashed into the outside light on the porch, breaking the glass and taking out the light as well. _

"_Well **that's** great," she said sardonically as she headed towards Grady's car. "Spencer's mom is going to kill her."  
><em>

"_Oh big deal," Grady said as she got into the car. She pulled her phone out of her pocket as she tugged her seatbelt on, and redialed Ezra's number. _

"_Sorry I hung up on you. I'm on my way home, though," she said cheerfully. "Ten minutes." _

"_Just talk to me till you get here," Ezra replied. _

"_Why? I'll be there in a few minutes." _

"_Sue me. I haven't been able to talk to you in days, and your first day home, you chose a party over me," Ezra teased. _

"_I did **not** choose a party over you. I wanted to blow off some steam. Besides, we can always leave after dinner." _

"_Fine," he feigned a whine. "I'll see you soon." _

_She tucked her phone back into the pocket of her skirt and looked out the window in her door. She realized they weren't headed towards her house and turned around to say something, only to catch Grady's eyes on her. Something about the way he was looked at her wasn't right. She thought maybe she ought to say something, but then what **was** there to say? _

"_Grady, where are we going?" She asked nervously. _

"_It's a shortcut." _

_It was a flat-out lie, and she knew it. If there was a shortcut from any one place to her parents house in Rosewood, she'd found them all in the past few months. Dating Ezra meant being crafty about her escape routes. _

_The car seemed to slow after he drove dramatically over the speed limit through the backstreets before slowing as they reached somewhere near the city limits, and suddenly were surrounded by trees and greenery. _

_Before he even had the car off, Aria threw her seatbelt off and shoved her door open. She moved to dive out, only to be yanked back by her hair. She screamed and whipped her head around in his grip, biting down as hard as she could on his forearm. He yelled, releasing his grip. _

_She pushed herself to her feet and stood up straight out of the car. She barely had her balance before she began to run. She'd done it in heels before, but it wasn't easy, and she didn't have the time to stop and remove them. She caught her heel on a twig and yanked her foot, trying to get it free. The grip from the ground was unforgiving, and that was all it took for Grady to catch her and tackle her to ground. At least a dozen different broken sticks and twigs dug into different parts of her body as she struggled under him. She screamed, but he quickly brought his hand down over her mouth and pinned her head to the side. He was yelling at her, but she wasn't paying attention. All she wanted was to get away from him. _

_She stopped suddenly when something sharp dug into the side of her arm, and his hand gripped around her throat tightly. _

"_I said **shut up**," he growled. Aria tugged hard on his hands, wincing both from the digging pain in her arm and her inability to breathe. "You think I don't know about you and your teacher? You're a whore, and if you're going to give it away that easily to everyone else, I want a piece too." _

She walked numbly into her bedroom and sat down on the bed. Her arm throbbed from getting cut as she wrapped her other arm loosely around it.

Ezra walked into the room, freshly dressed in a grey t-shirt and shorts, but he could see that something had quickly swooped into her thought process and taken over her attention. He walked over to the bed and moved the scrabble box onto the floor before sitting down in front of her at the foot of the bed.

"Aria?"

She looked up at him sadly. "Can I ask you something really personal?"

Ezra raised an eyebrow at her. He wasn't sure that they could get anymore personal with each other than they already had in the last few months, but curiosity beckoned him to find out if it was actually possible. "Sure."

"What was the worst thing imaginable that you didn't want to happen last year after everything happened to you?" She asked.

Ezra considered her question for a long minute. For a long time, he had believed that the worst thing that could happen to him was for the people closest to him to find out what had happened. And for the briefest moment, he had thought maybe it was Jackie knowing the truth, but it took her nearly a year to come to that knowledge freely.

"If I ever saw him again," he said gruffly. "I knew if I did, he'd torture me and then kill me. He was angry enough the last time I saw him before he took off; it was why he beat me up so bad. At least that's why the cops tell me. Why?"

Aria clasped her hands together and rested her chin on them. "Because I was terrified that I'd end up pregnant and I'd have to have his baby." Her eyes darted around the room as she thought about the real possibility that had almost become her life. She looked back up at Ezra. "I couldn't have done it. I mean, I don't believe in abortion, but I couldn't have had his baby. I couldn't-"

She shook her head as tears began to run down her face. Ezra moved tentatively towards her, not sure if she needed to be comforted by being hugged, or if just his presence would be enough. Once he was close enough to her, he gently reached a hand up and wrapped it around her neck, pulling her gently towards him. He kissed the top of her head and she leaned into him, crying quietly into his chest.

He let out a quiet sigh of relief that she didn't jump away from him, and wrapped both arms around her back, rubbing soothingly. He wasn't going to fill her head with the false sense of the idea that one day things would get better. He still hadn't seen that come to pass for either of them, and he wasn't holding his breath. Instead, he sat next to her and rubbed his hands up and down, content to be whatever she needed him to be in that moment.

_-  
>It's the truth before the lies<br>__It's the way she doesn't try  
>-<em>

The night passed in much of the same fashion. Neither of them slept very much – too restless by their own memories to really give into the exhaustion that silently begged their bodies to sleep. Aria sat up in her window with a flashlight and her journal while Ezra sat nearby in her reading chair. His wealthy New York roots showed as she watched him in the chair. His legs were kicked up over the side of one arm while he leaned back against the other. She'd taken a leap of faith and given him her journal from the year she spent in Iceland.

She settled her pen on in the binding of the journal and settled it under her legs, turning to look out the window. "Reading anything interesting in there?"

Ezra chuckled, looking up at her as he shoved his finger into the journal as he turned to look up at her. "Other than the fact that I don't understand how we went to the same raves and didn't run into each other."

Aria looked at him, perplexed. "Wasn't Jackie attached to your side like a flee?"

Ezra laughed. "Yeah, I guess. It's just weird reading it from your perspective. Not withstanding the boy that keeps coming up in this passage."

Aria giggled. "I mean this in the least slutty context, but we were just having fun. I didn't meet very many girls who liked American girls. They have a different kind of lifestyle over there, y'know."

Ezra nodded, and Aria couldn't hold back the laughter she felt when she noticed his cheeks reddening.

"Did girls throw themselves at you?" She teased.

Ezra rolled his eyes at her, shaking his head. "Never mind. Story-time over."

Aria jumped suddenly as thunder cracked loudly across the sky and lightning lit the room up brightly for a brief moment, nearly tumbled off the ledge of her window. Ezra laughed as she got down off of the ledge and walked over to her bed. She dropped down onto it and then groaned as her elbow hit something hard. It was another journal.

She picked it up and looked it over for a moment. "This isn't mine."

Ezra looked up at her and nodded. "It's mine. From last year. Figured, since you let me read yours…"

Aria looked down at the journal in her hands again, her mouth slightly agape. "Ezra…My journal is filled with juvenile anecdotes about beach parties. This is bound to be _really_ heavy after what I've already seen."

"And Alison," Ezra added. "I've seen her name come up more than a dozen times. You've got heavy in you, too."

Aria nodded quietly. "Sometimes I still miss her, you know? And the sometimes I wish she was hear so we could scream at her. Lately I've been wondering what she would say if she was here now and she knew about everything, but mostly I just wonder if she'd be as vicious as she was about everything else and tell me to get over myself."

Ezra raised his eyebrows, surprised. "Really?"

Aria nodded, turning over the cover of his journal. "She could be really sweet when she wanted to, but then she could be really cruel for her own pleasure. I always felt bad because it seemed like I took the least of her baggage, but she used to treat us like dirt. I remember the year before she died, we all made plans to meet up at the Hastings' barn to exchange gifts, and at the last minute I had to cancel to go to Manhattan with my parents for Christmas with my grandparents. She didn't let that go for months."

"Well sometimes people come into your life to teach you something," he said. "Sometimes they're not meant to be there for anything else."

Aria let her attention be pulled into his journal, and Ezra turned back to hers, continuing to read about her time in Iceland.

Aria targeted her way through the journal up to the entries around and after Valentines day. It broke her heart to see how his life had gone from doing so well, to torn down to shreds by a few vindictive acts.

_**May 24th**_

_Graduation is shaping up to be ABSOLUTELY ridiculous! The only plus side to it is being involved in all the preparations, and that's even more ridiculous when I'm trying to cram for exams. I've spent most of the past few weeks shoving down every bit of extra credit I can to get a handle on my grades so I don't have to spend the next six months redoing this semester. I've got this damn comp. assignment that doesn't make any sense. How in the world am I supposed to know where my life is going to go after college? I can't even figure out where my life is going to be next week. _

She looked up at him, and Ezra looked up at her at the same moment. He smiled at her.

"What?"

She shrugged, running her fingers over the page. "Do you still have that paper? The one you wrote?"

Ezra pushed up from the chair and walked over to her. He leaned down over the bed next to her and thumbed through a few pages before pulling out a folded sheet near the back of the journal. He unfolded it and handed it to her.

"It's the only copy I have, and I can count on one hand how many people have read it, so be… delicate?" He said.

Aria gave a small smile and took the sheets of paper tentatively from his hands. Ezra walked back over to the chair and Aria waited until he was settled comfortably in it and pulled back into the entries of her journal before she finally opened up the folded paper. She adjusted her flashlight and shook it a bit for more power before she began to read.

_**Life After Graduation**_

_**Ezra Jamison Fitz**_

_**Advanced Comp., May 25th, 2010**_

_You must give up the life you had planned, in order to have the life that is waiting for you_

_-Joseph Campbell_

_I've been putting off this paper for days now because the prompt had me personally stumped. There's been so much to happen in the last few months that ripped out the rug from the plans I thought I'd see myself executing now. At the beginning of this year, I was so sure of what I'd be doing right now. Graduation, marriage, and, hopefully, teaching somewhere in Pennsylvania or New York. One by one, those plans fell through and now I'm questioning whether anything I set my sights on will come to pass. _

_The easy answer to the question is that I haven't got a clue. Lately I've just been trying to live my life day to day, getting through one moment after another. I think I'd be over-estimating if I tried to figure out where I would be six months from now. I've certainly got some offers, but lately it's just been hard enough getting through one week at a time. _

_And so, I come back to where this started; the quote on the top of the page. I haven't got the slightest clue what my life isn't going to bring me after college. A big part of me wishes I did, because there are a lot of serious questions I need answered, especially with all the things that are about to change. I can't stand the idea that I might finally figure out a way to put my life back together, just to have it all ripped out from under me again. _

_-  
>I'd go where I know if the earth could find my feet<br>__I would run away and go where I know  
>-<em>

Aria groaned as she pushed herself on her bed. She looked around the room wearily. Ezra was curled up in the chair by her bed with his head on his knees, still sleeping. She didn't know how long he'd actually been out, but for the sake of his bones, she hoped that it hadn't been long.

She exhaled a sigh and grabbed her phone off the nighstand. The time on it read 11 AM. She moved off her bed and walked over to Ezra, shaking his shoulder lightly. He groaned as he looked up at her. "Hmm?"

"My bed's free. You're going to hurt yourself sleeping there."

Ezra scowled as he moved is legs off the chair and stood. The aching caused from being cramped up in the chair was clear. He moved towards the bed and then stopped, narrowing his eyes at Aria. "Did you hear that?"

Aria tilted her head to the side, straining her ears to hear. After a few moments, they heard the movement of steps on the first floor. Ezra walked over to the door and Aria followed closely behind him. He pulled the door open quietly and then they both walked out.

She followed him down the hall, grabbing his hand when he moved to hold her behind him. They tiptoed down the stairs and headed towards the kitchen when a voice suddenly made them jump.

"Byron, it's pouring outside. Just get it later!"

Aria walked around him and into the kitchen by her mother. Ella was pulling groceries out of bags.

"How did you get home?" She asked as she walked over to the table.

"Hey sweetie," Ella replied. She quit pulling food out of bags and filled two mugs with coffee before walking over to the table and settling them down in front of Aria as Ezra came to stand behind her. "There was a lull in the storming, so we drove back. Did you two manage okay?"

Aria looked up at Ezra she took a drink from her coffee mug. "Yeah. Except for the windows breaking, everything was fine."

Ella nodded. "Your dad is going to put a call in about a temporary window and see if we can't get it fixed tomorrow."

"There's one broken upstairs by the piano too," Ezra said.

Ella folded down the paper bag she had been pulling food out of and settled it in a cabinet under the counter. She walked over to Aria and Ezra. "The storming should stop in the next few hours, but some of the roads are flooded out." Her gaze fell upon Aria's bandaged arm. "What happened?"

"The tree knocked through the window finally," Aria said. "Glass went flying."

Ella nodded, gently taking Aria's arm and pulling back the bandaging. "Looks okay. It should be safe if you want to go shower and then get dressed. I'll put a call into Dr. Michaels and see if your appointment is still on for this afternoon."

"Okay," Aria murmured quietly.

_-  
>Everywhere you go it seems lightning strikes and then you crash<br>__I don't know how you do it; it always ends the same  
>-<em>

Aria stared out the window of Dr. Michaels office as she waited for the woman to return from taking a call. The rain had cleared up into a bright, sunny day, and the heat was back with a vengeance. She was dressed in khaki shorts so small that if it wasn't almost a hundred degrees outside, she wouldn't be wearing, and a baby blue tank top. Ezra had gone home to his mom's to get some sleep and change, but he'd told her that he would see her again later in the day.

The door opened across the room, but she didn't look up as she ran her hands up and down her arms. Air conditioning was great when things were comfortable.

"Is it a little too cool in here?" Dr. Michaels asked as she walked over to the central air panel. "I'll turn it down a bit."

Aria gave a slight nod as she continued looking out the window. "I was going to fill up my summer with classes at Hollis this year. I wanted to take an art class and a composition course."

Dr. Michaels walked over to her chair and sat down. "So why not still do it?"

Aria turned around and leaned against the window sill. "Trial starts in a week. According to my lawyer, it's an open and shut case as far as evidence. Sometimes I wonder if the things they say about the way girls dress is right though."

"What did you wear that night?" Dr. Michaels asked.

"A jean skirt and a black long-sleeved shirt. It was nice out, but cool. I mean the shirt wasn't low-cut, but it wasn't tight against my neck either, and it was a comfortable fit."

"Does it make you uncomfortable to dress in loose or short clothing now?"

Aria shrugged, looking down at her legs. "I don't know. I mean I'm not with Ezra, but sometimes when I'm with other people I feel like I should cover up. Sometimes I feel like the clothes I used to wear every day are too revealing now."

Dr. Michaels nodded. "Like what? Tell me about a regular outfit Aria Montgomery would've worn earlier this year."

Aria nodded slowly. "I have this black sleeveless dress that zips up the front, that I was going to wear to school one day. I'd had a tank top on under it, and thigh-high leggings with knee-high boots. A few days later I wore a strapless dress that was really short on a date with a friend." She looked up at Dr. Michaels. "Did I ask for this? I mean did I send him the wrong messages? No one knew I was dating anyone until recently, and even then…"

Dr. Michaels shook her head at Aria. "No, Aria. No one asks to be raped. And it is **never** the victim's fault, regardless of the propaganda that the attacker or their lawyer fills your head with. There was **no** reason for that boy to do the things he did. He had plenty of chances to show restraint; to stop. What he chose to do to hurt you lies squarely on his shoulders. Don't you let anyone tell you any different."

Aria dropped her arms, but began to pick at her fingernails. "It's just that… I see how Ezra beats himself up about every little thing. If he had done this or that, and he says he's too damaged, and it makes me wonder how he must see me if that's how he views himself."

Dr. Michael nodded. "Victims often have a flawed view of themselves, even when they can look at someone else and see something entirely different. It's a vicious circle, because they can look at themselves and see only the bad, and then look at another victim and commend them for being strong and fighting through their pain."

Aria nodded, pressing her bottom lip up against her top, struggling not to cry. She finally walked over to the couch and sat down, and pulled her legs up onto it under her, leaving her flip-flops resting on the floor. "He **is** strong, and it hurts that he doesn't see it." She reached a hand up to stop a tear from falling as it welled up in her eye. "He let me read his journal from last year last night, and all I could think was how I wished I could be strong enough just to get through the things I've had to deal with, because he's been through so much more."

"You don't know that," Dr. Michaels said softly. "You can't measure your pain against his. You might be feeling just as much suffering as he is."

"I just wish I could fix him," Aria replied. "Take away all this stuff he's had to deal with."

Dr. Michaels gave a small smile. "It seems like letting yourself focus on him makes this easier for you."

"It does," Aria murmured.

"But not in the right ways."

Aria looked up at her, perplexed. "What do you mean?"

"Focusing on his pain and suffering keeps you from really having to pay much mind to your own pain. It's great when you can find a way to step back from your own troubles; I'm not going to refute that, but you could go about it in a better way. Writing, drawing, taking classes like you suggested. I'm not saying that it will get better all at once, but dealing with your pain by not dealing with it is what leads to bad coping skills like eating disorders and self-injury. Everything becomes too much to deal with, and suddenly you're looking for control."

"But Ezra-"

"Needs to stop running from his own problems as well." Dr. Michaels said. "The sooner you face what's in front of you, the sooner you can start to heal."


	20. I Am What You See But I Am Not What They

**A/N:** Shall we discuss the issue that I still know nothing about trials? The only time I've ever been in a court room was to sign settlement papers for being hit by a car, and that was very laid-back. Maybe someday I'll do jury duty and know more about what I'm writing, but for now, we're going purely off of what I've watched on SVU.

I promise I'm trying to get updates posted in a more timely fashion! Things have been... different i the past few months in my life, but I have NOT given up on these stories!

_Chapter 20_

_I Am What You See But I Am Not What They Say_

Aria stared down at the course booklet in her hands, circling a number in black felt pen before folding down the corner on the page. It was all she could do to keep herself distracted and from falling entirely into a panic attack. Upon Dr. Michaels suggestion, she had asked Byron about joining few summer semester classes. She desperately wanted to take the one that Ezra and her father were teaching, but it seemed that there wasn't any chance of that happening, given the bias it would cause.

"Aria, are you set to go?"

She looked up at her mother nervously. "Are we going in already?"

Ella sat down on the bench next to Aria. "In a few moments. Just take a deep breath. You're just giving an account of what happened and then cross-examination. There's **nothing **they can say that's going to rock the boat on this. We've gone over it with your lawyer repeatedly. Okay?"

Aria nodded, though she was chewing nervously on her bottom lip. "What about dad and Ezra?"

Ella looked down at her watch. "They're cutting it close, but they said they'd do everything to get here. That was your dad on the phone a few minutes ago, and they were **running** out of Hollis to get here."

The woman representing Aria walked up to them. "We're set to go in in about five minutes."

Aria looked up at her and nodded. She was still distracted, though, and she desperately wished Ezra was there. She needed more support than a bunch of adults who didn't understand how she was feeling could give.

Footsteps filled the hallway and she whipped her head around. It wasn't Ezra, but the sight surprised her anyway. Ethan headed towards them dressed in a three piece suit. The gruff look she was used to seeing him in – the leather jacket, jeans, stubble on the chin – was all gone. He'd gotten a hair cut and looked well groomed. If she had never realized before that how much Ezra looked like his father, the resemblance was more than clear now.

He walked up to them and introduced himself to the lawyer before sitting down on the other side of Aria. "My son _just_ called me. They're coming off the highway from across town. They should be here in just a minute or so."

"Can we go through it one more time?" Aria asked shakily.

Her lawyer nodded. "We're going to go into the courtroom. They're going to bring in Grady and he'll be on the other side of the room. Then the judge is going to come in. He'll call the room into session-"

Aria jumped up from her spot on the bench and tossed the course booklet into her mother's lap. She ran down the hall and around the corner. "You ma-…de it." Her voice trailed off as she realized the people coming through weren't Ezra and Byron. They walked around the corner past her, and she sighed. Her bottom lip trembled. She turned around to head down by her mother, Ethan and her lawyer.

"Aria!"

She whipped around and ran back down the hall again. She didn't say anything as she jumped off the ground and threw herself into Ezra's arms, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. There was a moderately loud 'oomph' murmured in her ear as he stumbled back a few steps and caught his footing.

He settled her on the ground a moment later. Tears were starting to run down her face. He reached up and wiped them off her face and then kissed her cheek before hugging he once more. "I'm going to be sitting right next to you the entire time. You don't have to worry about anything."

_-  
>She thought love was gonna fight<br>__She thought love was gonna take her home  
>-<em>

"The court calls Aria Montgomery to the stand."

Aria looked over at Ezra. Her hands were shaking in his.

"Just breathe," he told her softly. He kissed her temple. "It'll be over before you know it."

She stepped out of the aisle and kept her line of sight to her side of the court room as she was led to the witness stand. Her hands were still shaking as she was sworn in and then settled into the seat. She clenched one hand around the other, tying to bring warmth back into them as she took long deep breaths to try and keep her emotions in check.

Her lawyer walked over to the stand. "Aria, can you tell me what happened on the evening of April 15th this year?"

She bit her tongue nervously for a few moments. "I was raped."

"And the person who raped you is in this room?" Her lawyer asked.

"Yes."

Her lawyer turned towards the court, looking down at her file. "For the record, would you point that person out?"

Aria squeezed her hands tightly for a moment before lifting her left hand and pointing to Grady.

"Let the record show that the witness has identified the defendant as the assailant." Her lawyer said. She turned back to Aria. "Can you explain to the court what happened that night?"

Aria looked over towards her parents and Ezra. Byron and Ella were squeezing each other's hands tightly. She had never told them, or even Ezra about what had happened that night. Ezra was staring down at a spot on the floor, but she knew it wasn't because he didn't care; rather, that he was trying with everything inside him to not jump up and dive across the gallery at Grady.

"I went to a party with my best friends. We were supposed to go and leave together, and I had plans for dinner with my parents. It was at one of my friends house, and the other two left together, so Grady offered to give me a ride home. I've known him since middle school, and knew him well enough to think there was no reason I couldn't trust him.

"We left the party, and I was on the phone with my boyfriend. When I hung up, I realized we weren't headed to my house, and he was speeding. When he slowed down, we were on the edge of the city by the woods. I knew there wasn't anything good that could happen, so I tried to get out, but he grabbed me and yanked me back by my hair, so I bit him. I got out and started to run, but I was in high heels, and my heel caught in a hole, o-or on a branch. My leg twisted, and I couldn't get it free, but he caught me and tackled me to the ground. I was screaming and fighting, and then I felt something really sharp dig in my arm, and he grabbed me around my throat. I stopped fighting, and he told me to shut up. He pulled back what he had against my arm, and I tried to grab it. I realized it was a knife when he cut my hand. He put it up against m-my throat and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop screaming."

She paused, scared to continue. She didn't want to tell anything more.

"Aria?"

"He shoved his hand under my skirt and ripped my panties, and then he, um, r-removed himself from his pants and he e-entered m-me. I don't know how long it was, but he took a long time to finish, and then when he did, he yelled at me to get up, and told me he'd hurt me if I told anyone. He told me to get in his car, and I said no. He threatened to stab me, s-so I did what he said. He took me home, and that was the last I saw of him."

Her lawyer nodded. "Did you ever say no, or tell him to stop?"

"Yes," Aria replied firmly. "When we were fighting on the ground, and then when he was… when he raped me."

"Thank you, Ms. Montgomery." Her lawyer turned to the judge. "That's all, your honor."

Aria watched her lawyer walk back to her seat and the tremors in her hands began again. She clenched them tightly together again. She finally looked up at Grady's lawyer when he came around the table and walked towards her. She had no interest in even looking at or around Grady.

The man walked up to her and jumped right in.

"Ms. Montgomery, how well would you say you know my client?"

Aria shrugged, looking up into the man's deep green eyes. "Mild to moderately well? I said I'd known him since middle school."

"Yes you did," the lawyer said, looking down at the file he was holding. "Had you ever spent any time with Mr. Murphy alone before that night?"

Aria thought about it for a moment.. "Not that I can recall."

"But you knew him well enough to take a ride from him, correct?"

Aria nodded. "That's what I said."

"Explain to me how something like that happens," his lawyer said.

"We shared friends," Aria said. "So we'd been to the same parties and hung out in a group before. It's Rosewood, so everyone knows everyone and their parents. I'd babysat his brother a few years back. I thought I could trust him."

"Alright. So you took a ride from Mr. Murphy. Why not get a ride with a friend or have your parents pick you up?"

"The party was at one of my girlfriend's houses. The other two left when one of their parents was in an accident." Aria explained. "My parents were in work meetings."

"Objection," Aria's lawyer called as she stood from her seat. "What does this have to do with the case?"

"I'm simply asking why the witness didn't get a ride with anyone else," Grady's lawyer interjected.

"Sustained," the judge said, glaring at Grady's lawyer. "Stay on course, counselor."

"So you agreed to take a ride from Mr. Murphy," his lawyer said. "Why didn't you say anything when you first realized you weren't on course?"

"I was on the phone-"

"With your boyfriend, yes," her lawyer said. "Isn't it true that your boyfriend is over the age of eighteen?"

Aria gulped, looking over at Ezra. "Y-yes."

"And that he used to teach at your school?" The man continued.

Aria opened her mouth, trying to remember to breathe. The case was about Grady. Why were they trying to railroad her and Ezra?

"Objection," her lawyer called again, this time more angrily. "Your honor-"

"Calls to the witnesses judgment," Grady's lawyer said.

The judge glared at the both of them the same way he had previously at Grady's lawyer. "Sustained. Counselor, this is your second warning."

The man exhaled hard, clearly at least mildly flustered. He looked to Aria again. "Ms. Montgomery, what did you wear that night?"

"A black long-sleeved shirt and a jean skirt." Aria said.

"And heels, right? That's what you said in your recount of what took place?" He asked.

Aria nodded. "Yes."

"Why dress in something so… revealing? As the jury has seen, your shirt was made of thin material, and your only came to midway down your thigh. Were you dressed up for someone?"

"No," Aria said, though she had a hint of doubt in her voice. She hadn't consciously dressed up for Ezra, but she'd never considered that maybe she had done it unconsciously.

"Because it was rather cool that night," Grady's lawyer said, pulling a sheet from his file. He showed it to the judge and then handed it to the foreperson on the jury. "This is a print-out of the weather from that night. It was only sixty degrees that night. So were you dressed up for any special reason that night?"

"I don't know," Aria shook her head, speaking honestly. "Maybe, I guess it's possible subconsciously."

"And isn't it true that you had suggested sexual activity earlier in the evening?" The lawyer asked. The confused look he earned from Aria made him smile. "We'll come back to that. Ms. Montgomery, why did it take you so long to realize you weren't headed home?"

"I was on the phone with my boyfriend," she said, quite bored.

"Yes, I believe she's made that quite clear," the judge said tersely.

Grady's lawyer nodded. "And what did you talk about?"

Aria shook her head, shrugging. "We hadn't seen each other since before my class trip to DC. We were having dinner with my parents. He just wanted to talk."

"Did you make any suggestive sexual remarks during that conversation? More importantly, didn't you say, verbatim, 'I wanted to blow off some steam. Besides, we can always leave after dinner'?"

_-  
>I'll never be good enough<br>__You make me wanna die  
>-<em>

"He's going to get away with it," Aria cried.

"No, Aria. No."

She was surrounded by adults; Ezra's parents, her mom and dad, and her lawyer were all standing with her in a deposing room, trying to calm her down. Ezra was also there, seated next to her and trying to calm her as well. She was sure that after the defense had made her look bad to the jury that there was no possible way to come back from it. The jury had been sent out to deliberate, but there was no knowing how long it could take them.

"It doesn't matter what they said," her lawyer insisted. "Regardless of what you wore or said or _did_ that night, you said no. No is **always **when it's time to stop." She looked down at her watch. "Look, it could be a while before an answer comes back. I'm going to call in for an early dinner." She grabbed a stack of menus from the middle of the table. "Pick something out and then I'll call it in. I'm gong to step out and see where we are."

She passed them out and then stood and walked out of the room. Aria opened the menu, but only looked it over for a minute before closing it and pushing it back on the table. She moved to cross her arms and then huffed. She yanked her arms out of the black blazer she was wearing and crossed her arms once more.

"Aria-"

"I want this day to be over," she said curtly, looking over at Ezra. "I want to be done."

"I'm sure we'll be out of here soon," he said reassuringly.

Aria stared at a random spot on the table, wrapping her hands tightly around her upper arms. The air conditioning made the room cold, and she'd only had on a black t-shirt under her blazer.

Her lawyer returned a few minutes later with a legal pad and proceeded to take an order from everyone. When she reached Aria, Aria told her to order a second of whatever Ezra had ordered before resuming her silent attitude.

They were left waiting long enough for dinner to show up, and then for all of the adults to eat. Aria only took a few bites of the burrito she'd apparently ordered for herself. Ezra didn't eat much more than her, though she didn't quite know what it was that was bothering him.

Small talk was attempted several times, but eventually the adults gave up on it, and Aria was grateful for it. She didn't want anyone trying to get her to talk about how she felt when she was upset. It was a while longer before her lawyer finally got a call to tell them to come back into the courtroom. One by one, they filed out of the deposing room and headed down the hall back to the courtroom. Once they were back inside, the judge called the room back into order and called for the foreperson to give their ruling.

"On the count of rape in the first degree, we find the defendant," the foreperson looked over at Aria briefly. Aria looked back at her. "Guilty. On the count of battery, we find the defendant guilty."

"The defendant will be taken into custody until sentencing, to be decided at a later date. Ms. Montgomery, counselor, you are dismissed."

_-  
>You can bandage the damage<br>__You never really can fix a heart  
>-<em>

Aria let out a long sigh of relief as she walked out of her bathroom, dressed in red sweatpants and a black tank top. She wrapped a hair-tie around the loose braid she'd put in her hair and then walked over to her bed and picked up her journal off the nightstand. She opened it up and turned to the entry she'd made the night Grady had raped her.

_**April 15th**_

_I don't even know where to start. Ezra… _

_Grady raped me tonight. I'm so sick to my stomach over everything that happened tonight. I don't even understand it all. I just want to wake up tomorrow and have everything go back to how it was when I woke up this morning. _

The page was covered in tear stains. Some of the ink had run a bit. She couldn't help but feel like that that night had been the beginning of everything coming apart.

She placed the journal back on the table and then moved off her bed and walked over to her dresser. She picked up the photo of she and Ezra. It was in a new frame and freshly reprinted, since the other one had been scratched when she'd broken the glass in the frame.

"Where's your head at?"

Aria looked up. Ezra was standing against her door. "Just thinking about everything that's changed since all of this started."

Ezra nodded.

"You're staying tonight, right?" She asked.

"If that's what you want, I'm more than happy to." He replied.

She ran her hand down her forearm, gently brushing her fingers over the healing cut from the week before. "It's what I'd like."

Ezra nodded. He reached down beside the door and picked a bag up from outside the room. "Glad I brought this, then."

Aria chuckled. "Bathroom's free if you want to change."

Ezra shrugged. "I'm fine for now."

She walked over to her bed and sat down. Ezra followed her over. He'd changed out of the dress clothes he'd been in for most of the day for work and then the trial, and was now dressed in shorts and a light green t-shirt.

Aria crossed her legs in front of her and picked lightly at the polish on her nails. "My dad said that there's no reason I can't start the classes at the beginning of July."

Ezra nodded. He reached over and grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly. "I'm really proud of you for today, and even more that you're not spending the rest of the summer on the couch."

Aria laughed once. "I'd lose my mind if I spent the summer on the couch. Sometimes I get so bored sitting here at home. At least if I'm taking classes, I'm getting out of my head for a while."

Ezra nodded. Aria yawned and laid down on her bed, staring up at him from where he sat.

"I'm sorry about today," she said quietly. "That you had to hear all that stuff."

Ezra shook his head, reaching up and brushing a strand of hair off her face. "You have nothing to apologize for. You did nothing wrong."

Aria nodded, staring down at the wall. "I know all I wanted today was to get out of there and leave, but I'm glad I did it. Because he's never going to **not** be known for what he did now."

"Good," Ezra said, commending her. "I'm glad you feel that way."

Aria turned her head to look back at him. "What about you? Are you going to go on the stand when that trial starts?"

Ezra sighed, and Aria knew just by the expression on his face and the way he had breathed out that it wasn't a subject he was very excited to talk about. "The people running it all want me to. I don't know that I want to, though."

Aria pushed herself up on her bed, looking at him with a surprised expression. "What? Why not?"

"Aria, he took more than a year of my life away. I don't ever want to see him again. And besides, they've got plenty of accounts from other guys that he went after." Ezra explained.

"Maybe, but those guys aren't you," she countered. "They don't have the stake in this that you do. They don't-"

"It's **my **fault that those guys even have to be involved in any of this, Aria. If I had done something sooner, if I had gone to the police-"

"He **still** could've run," she reminded him. Ezra's brow knit in frustration and she moved closer to him, wrapping her arms under his. She rested her cheek on his shoulder, looking at him. "You can't blame yourself. There's **nothing** you could've done."

"There should have been," he replied quietly.

_-  
>We were more than just a slice<br>__Of american pie  
>-<em>

Aria looked down at Ezra sleeping next to her and then turned back to the journal he was still letting her read. She stopped when she reached a page that had been written in early April. It was before anything had happened to her, but she'd never really considered the idea that maybe his issues were affecting him before anything had happened to her.

_**April 5th, 2011**_

_I've been watching this all come back around  
><em>_Watching all these branches fall down  
><em>_Seeing teardrops turn to rain  
><em>_In a storm to survive the pain_

_Seeing the river overflow  
><em>_Barriers breaking, wash away my boat  
><em>_Lost in darkness, out of bounds  
><em>_Taking my breath in an undertow_

_Take away all the lights  
><em>_And leave me standing in an endless night_

_I can't figure out how to heal this wound  
><em>_Can't stop these tears any quicker  
><em>_Than I can reach the moon  
><em>_Can't stand for justice  
><em>_Or fall like rain  
><em>_Only to mess up again_

_So burn me up  
><em>_To the largest fire you can make  
><em>_And find me standing in the shadows  
><em>_Of a sea washing away_

_Then freeze it over  
><em>_And burn it down  
><em>_And find me in ashes  
><em>_On the ground_

_Take away all the air  
><em>_And leave me standing in despair_

_I can't figure out how to heal this wound  
><em>_Can't stop these tears any quicker  
><em>_Than I can reach the moon  
><em>_Can't stand for justice  
><em>_Or fall like rain  
><em>_Only to mess up again_

_Somewhere, someone's crying to a beating  
><em>_Taking the pain that's surely meant for me  
><em>_And I know, I know it's all my fault  
><em>_If I could only stand back up again  
><em>_  
>Take away all the life<br>__And leave me alone in this fight_

_I can't figure out how to heal this wound  
><em>_Can't stop these tears any quicker  
><em>_Than I can reach the moon  
><em>_Can't stand for justice  
><em>_Or fall like rain  
><em>_Only to mess up again_

_Can't hold your hand,  
><em>_And find my way through  
><em>_When I only know me because I know you  
><em>_Can't find the answers to make me understand  
><em>_When everything fell, you're where I land…_

_Can't stand for justice  
><em>_Or fall like rain  
><em>_Only to mess up again…  
><em>_(reach the moon, let me touch the moon)_

She looked over at him, tears welling in her eyes as she looked back down at the page again. It dawned on her that the reason he'd been so held together while he was with her was because she was happy when she was with him. When her life came apart, so did his. He couldn't hide behind her happiness if there wasn't any. Logically, she knew that wasn't healthy, but it still made her hurt for him.

She closed the journal and shut her flashlight off and then slipped underneath her blanket and sidled up next to him and wrapped her arm around him, placing a kiss on his bare shoulder. In the darkness, she could still feel the scars on his back from last year. She rested her head in the space between his shoulder blades and listened to him breathe. She wanted to be as much for him as she had been before, but she wanted him to be healthy again too.

"I love you so much, Ezra," she murmured softly.

"Aria," he said back quietly. She popped her head up, wondering if he was awake. A moment later there was just the slightest hint of laughter as she laid next to him, and she knew he was still asleep. She laid back down next to him, hoping that the laughter would stay, instead of the tears and screaming that were all too normal and present so often. Somewhere in the silence and the comfort of his quiet breaths, she dozed off and fell asleep as well.


	21. Waking Up Only Brings Me Down

**A/N: **The website referred to in this chapter doesn't exist as far as I know, but it's largely inspired by an actual website I used to visit, called Teen Help. Also, there's a nod to a comment a friend made to me in IM the other day in this chapter. She knows who she is. Also, slight Criminal Minds crossover with this chapter, but very specifically with one character, whom I love. Have I mentioned that show is like my version of crack? I can't get enough of it (even when it scares the crap out of me…)

_Chapter 21_

_Waking Up Just Brings Me Down_

Aria squirmed in Ezra's arms as she opened her eyes. She looked up at the clock on her nightstand. It was only 3 AM; she'd barely been asleep two hours. She gulped and let out a shaky breath, tugging hard on Ezra's arm when it suddenly tightened around her waist.

"Shh, you're okay," he said wearily behind her. He loosened his arm on her and pushed up on the bed. "You were crying in your sleep."

Aria pushed up on the bed and leaned back against the wall, crossing her arms under her chest. She looked down at Ezra and knit her brow.

"How did you manage to soak a blanket? It's like fifty degrees in here."

Ezra shook his head, rolling his eyes. "Stupid dreams."

"Stupid dreams or bad nightmares?" Aria asked.

Ezra looked up at her. "Does it really matter? Are we staying awake?"

Aria shook her head. "You can go back to sleep if you want."

Ezra sighed, pushing himself up into a seated position and leaned back against the wall. He rubbed his forearm under his cast, massaging the bone. "No, I don't want. So what's up?"

Aria shook her head, looking over at him. "It's really fine. I'm just not tired right now."

Ezra raised an eyebrow at her. "It's three AM and you're not tired?"

"**No**," she said insistently. She reached down beside her bed and pulled her laptop up from the floor and then pushed the lid open and pushed the large power button on the side. She looked over at Ezra when he continued to stare at her. "_Seriously_."

She could tell he didn't believe her, but he laid back down anyway. He looked up at her once more and then closed his eyes.

Aria turned her attention back to her laptop. She dimmed the screen and turned the volume down before loading up her browser. It loaded up and she quickly logged into her account on her home page. It was a broad-based forum called young adult support. She'd found it that first afternoon in Ezra's apartment a few months back, and seemed to house a range of users from the ages of 14 to people in their mid-twenties, but all seemed to be welcomed with open arms.

It was a typical forum in the sense that it was open and you were free to say whatever you wanted, but pseudonyms were strongly encouraged, as well as therapy and, if needed, immediate help. She'd revisted the site many times in the past two months, most often on nights when Ezra wasn't around. She'd posted a few times, but for the most part she trolled the forums and read what other people were posting.

She scrolled through the forum labeled for victims of sexual abuse and scrolled down the page until she found the thread that she'd made a while back. She clicked on it and then scrolled down until she could see her entire message. The user pane gave little away about her. She had an icon of a girl sitting in the rain with a black umbrella, and her age showed, but that was it. Unlike other users who listed their name, age, and place of residence, she wanted to keep those things to herself. Partly because she was afraid of anything ever happening from meeting someone online, but mostly because she didn't want to risk posting something and having someone at school find out what she said. She was sure there was going to be enough backlash from Grady's trial as it was.

She began to read her initial post from about a month before.

_ShatteredPieces: _

_Hey guys. I know I've only posted here once or twice before, but I'm needing to get some thoughts out of my head and I figured this might be a good place to do it. _

_If you haven't seen my other post, a close family friend recently attacked me, and we're awaiting information on trial and all that **great** stuff [I hope the sarcasm transcends through the internet…] Anyhow, things have been a struggle with my boyfriend lately because of that. I posted in my other thread that it was because he saw me differently, and now, I honestly wish that **was** the reason why he's been acting so weird. _

_We had an argument the day before yesterday, and he told me that last year he went through a similar (if not worse) trauma. My recent trauma brought up memories of his _

_In short, what he's going through just plain scares me. I haven't got a clue what to do or say, and I feel like everything I say is wrong, because I only seem to hurt him. I guess what I'm asking here is if anyone has been in a similar situation and what I could possibly say? _

She scrolled down the page, past the posts from people she didn't know telling her that they were available to talk if she needed it. Halfway down the page was a message from a girl she'd shared a few messages with since joining the site.

_SummerSunshine09: _

_Hey, SP. Just read this and…wow. I've read our conversations right again, and I can definitely say that this wasn't what I expected. I have no idea what to even say, because I don't have a single clue of what it's like to see someone you love suffer like that, but if you need to talk at all, I'm always here to listen. _

She continued reading, scrolling down to the end of the page and continuing on to the second page. She was surprised there were so many messages, but the 'support' in the title of the forum was pretty well held up from what she'd been able to gather since joining the sight. She had yet to see a derogatory comment posted.

There were several more posts of people offering support, but the last one had stopped her the first time she'd read it, a day after the initial post. Every time she logged in though, she couldn't stop herself from reading it again.

_DamagedEclipse: _

_I've read this over three times, and a part of me has wondered if maybe I know you, but then, we live on a planet of almost seven billion people so that's probably pretty unlikely. Even so, I can definitely relate. My love just recently suffered a similar situation and she's really struggling with it. I've been through my own stuff too, which has made it harder too, but best I can bet is that unless you're telling him that what happened is his fault, you're really **not **making it worse. If he's got any lick of sense left, whether he's denying everything you're saying that's uplifting or not, you're probably getting through to him at least a little bit. Still, it's hard to believe in good things people say about you when you can't see it yourself. I'm sure you've encountered this already. _

_I'm going to take a guess and assume that, considering what you've said so far, it took this guy a bit to come to you. At best guess, that might be what you have to do again. He'll come to you when he's ready to talk._

_And, as with the typical posts on here, you can always drop me a message if you need to talk._

"Get off of me."

Aria's brow knit as she looked down at Ezra. She'd thought for sure that he was still awake, but the slurred muttering gave away the fact that he was asleep. She closed her laptop and moved it to the floor, and then laid down next to him, running her fingers through his hair.

"Shh," she whispered. "It's just a dream."

He seemed to settle under her touch, but she repeated the motions for a few minutes before she turned over and pulled a pillow down from under her head. She wrapped her arms around the pillow and pulled it against her chest, burying her face in it. It smelled like Ezra.

Silent tears started to run down her face, but she was careful to not breathe through her nose so she didn't awake or startle Ezra. Crying at night seemed to be the only time she felt comfortable letting her emotions out lately. Whether it was because of arguing with Ezra or not talking with Ezra because they were avoiding each other, the loneliness seemed never ending. She wanted desperately to let him know how she was feeling, but she didn't feel like he was really available to her all the time. It really sucked having a conditional boyfriend.

_-  
>I am what you see, I am not what they say<br>__But if I turned out to be, could you love me anyway  
>-<em>

Aria awoke to the sound of screaming and crying, and she was sure her parents had agreed to baby-sit for their neighbors again. With a heavy groan, she rubbed her eyes and pushed her blankets off of her. She moved to get off the bed and realized the sound was fading. Why would they put a baby in bed with her?

Her eyes grew wide and she dashed back to the bed, shaking Ezra awake. He shot up on the bed and looked up at her. There was only a moment before he grabbed her and wrapped his arms tightly around her, like he physically needed to know she was real, but there was a clear look of fear in his eyes. She brushed her fingers through his hair, murmuring soothing words, though she could see that it provided little comfort.

"Ezra, it was a dream," she murmured softly. "It's over now."

He shook his head as Aria lowered down onto the bed and sat down next to him. "It's not. It's never-ending. Nightmare after nightmare, night after night."

Aria frowned. "Ezra…"

He looked up at her and shook his head again. "Don't start, Aria. My mother is on me all the time about going to see someone. And I'm not saying that therapy doesn't work for some people, because you **do **seem to be doing better. But all it did for me was make things feel worse."

"Maybe you just haven't found the right person," she said. "I met three different doctors before I picked the one I'm seeing now."

Ezra shrugged, staring out the window. "I just don't see the use of spending an hour on a couch every week pouring out my feelings. I did it for months last year, and it didn't help at all."

Aria stared at him sadly. She wanted to suggest that maybe it was because he wasn't putting in the effort to change things, but she didn't want to start another argument with him. She sighed and turned her head to look at the clock. 11 AM.

"I should get up," she said. "Because I **do **have a therapy appointment today."

She moved off the bed and walked over to her closet. She picked through it for a few moments before pulling out a pair of hunter green denim shorts and a lavender tank top. She turned around to look over at Ezra. "Will I see you again today?"

He shrugged. "I've got that class at noon, and then I'm looking at an apartment in Philadelphia. I've seen it once before, so I'm probably going to be signing papers, but if you want to drive out, I wouldn't mind."

"Okay," she nodded.

_-  
>Underneath my bed, there's a raincoat<br>__Packed with scarves and books, just go look  
>-<em>

"So how are you doing today?" Dr. Michaels asked as she sat down in her chair.

Aria shrugged, staring down at her journal in her hands. Her weekly homework was to journal whenever she was having emotions too strong to handle. "My dad is getting me enrolled in those classes at Hollis. The trial is over. I never thought they went as quickly as it did. I mean TV shows…"

"They really make them seem drawn out," Dr. Michaels said, nodding. "Usually, unless it's something major with a lot of testimony and evidence, it only takes a few days. From what I've seen in the paper though, the FBI trial won't be as short."

Aria nodded, wrapping her fingers around her journal. "I asked Ezra last night about his trial and whether he'd be involved in it, and he said no. I mean I guess I don't understand what he's going through the way he does, but…"

Dr. Michaels settled Aria's file on the table and folded her hands in her lap, leaning forward in her chair. Her long sandy blond hair framed around her face. "Aria, let me give you a piece of advice that I hope you'll take. Don't comparison grieve."

Aria furrowed her brow, confused. "What?"

"It means to base the level of your own grief on someone elses, and every week, you come here and we spend ten minutes talking about you, and the rest is spent taking about your relationship with Ezra, and how you're worried about **him**, and how to fix **his** problems. But he's not the one devoting his time in an office to make things better. Now I'm not saying he's not worthy of having help, but unless he makes the choice to get it himself, our hands are tied, and it's also wasting the time you're spending trying to get help for yourself."

"But he won't go see anyone," Aria replied.

Dr. Michaels nodded sympathetically. "But that doesn't make it **your** issue to deal with. Should he decide to join you in therapy, that's a choice on his own part. But for now, we should focus on you. How have you been doing?"

"I don't know," Aria replied, shrugging her shoulders. "Okay, I guess. I mean Grady is in jail, and the trial is over."

Dr. Michaels nodded. "How about your friends? Have you spoken to them?"

Aria shook her head. "No. Emily and Hanna have been in and out of town, and Spencer's always back and forth between Hollis and Philadelphia."

"There's an unconscious choice to separate yourself from the people who remind you of who you used to be before you were raped. I've seen it before, which can make things tougher. Now, I know you told me you've seen your friend Holden, but even if you choose to transfer schools there are always going to people around who remind you of who you used to be, but it's going to be hard to make new friends who can make healthy decisions. If your old friend are accepting of you and what's happened, you're more likely to find that they'll be receptive to being there for you."

"Are you saying it's a problem to be friends with people who understand what I've been through?" Aria asked.

"No," Dr. Michaels insisted. "In most cases it can be the opposite, and it can be helpful, in a **safe** setting. But sometimes when you become friends with someone who's been through a tough situation like yourself, it becomes a problem because you become dependent on each other to get through the situation, and then end up indulging each other in harmful behaviours, whether intending to or not."

Aria considered what she was saying, and silently wondered if that's what she'd been doing, talking to people online.

Their visit finished half an hour later, and as usual, Aria was given 'homework'. It wasn't the typical homework as most people were used to. Therapy homework generally involved journal writing and something along the lines of what she had been told to do today: make plans to meet up with Spencer, and, if she so chose, continue with the plans to enroll in summer classes at Hollis. She also wanted her to find a way to open up more, but apparently she wasn't 'expecting miracles' as she'd said to Aria.

After she left the appointment, she headed out of the city towards Philadelphia. Ezra was planning on spending the rest of the day there, so she had made arrangements immediately after leaving to go see Spencer, who was hanging out at Melissa's place.

She arrived in the city shortly after half past one, but traffic kept her from arriving until almost two PM. Once she reached the place, she headed up to the condo, hoping desperately that they were going to be inside because the heat was sweltering yet again, and the humidity made breathing almost impossible.

Spencer opened the door after only two knocks, though Aria wasn't sure if it was because she was excited to see her or some other reason. She stood there for a moment, smiling nervously up at Spencer. Spencer stared back at her until she realized that they were making an odd situation.

"Come in," she said, finally letting a smile form over her lips. She stepped out of the way and allowed Aria into the condo.

Immediately, Aria was more comfortable. The heat was gone, but the air conditioning made the place comfortable instead of cold.

Spencer walked over to the couch and sat down, and Aria followed behind her, taking a seat on the other side of the couch. There were textbooks all over the coffee table in front of them.

"Where's Melissa?" Aria asked.

"She's got doctors appointments all day," Spencer replied. "Ever since she went into early labour the last week of school, she's been in the hospital every week so they can make sure the baby is okay."

Aria nodded. "Is she okay?"

Spencer nodded. "So far. She's at risk for pre-eclampsia, but she hasn't ended up with it yet." She was quiet for a moment and then looked back at Aria. "What about you? Didn't you just have your trial?"

Aria nodded again. "How'd you know?"

Spencer reached under one of the textbooks on the table and pulled free a Rosewood Observer. She handed it to Aria. "Top of the fold."

Aria narrowed her eyes at the paper and took it from Spencer and read the article.

_**Prison before Graduation**_

_Rosewood PD has been rocked to its core in recent weeks with two major sexual assault cases. _

_The first recently spent four days in court while Rosewood Day student Grady Murphy was tried for the rape of an unnamed victim. Little has been said about the actual case as it was closed to the media, but Judge Cara Sanders confirmed this morning that he was found guilty of his crimes. _

_A sentencing date has yet to be set, but Murphy, who is seventeen, was tried as an adult and, according to judge Sanders,will serve the full term. _

_The second case is set to go to court in just a few days. For more information, turn to A2. _

Aria quickly turned over the newspaper, daring a brief glance up at the TV, where Spencer had CNN on. Her brow furrowed. "Since when is Rosewood national news?"

Spencer reached over the coffee table and grabbed the TV remote, and turned up the TV.

"_Keller, why is this trial set in this tiny town? It's an FBI case, is it not?" _The reporter on the left side of the screen asked. He was in a news room.

There was a woman on the other side of the screen, standing in Rosewood's town square, talking back to the man in the newsroom.

"_Even though the case is federal and crosses over more than twelve states, the majority of victims are from the small down in Pennsylvania. Now Brian, the police and the FBI are being very quiet about everyone involved, but there's a lot of talk about one __**specific **__former student who still resides in Rosewood and is a key part of the investigation."_

"Right,"

Brian replied. _"The man responsible for the capture of this man. Keller, I know there's a lot being kept under wraps for now, but has there been any news about how this man was able to evade arrest for so long?"_

"_It's true," _Keller said. _"Very little is being said about this man. We only found out today that his real name is Adam Jenner. He's lived with many different aliases over the past few years, always under the illusion of a student. Now, for as much as information has been kept from the public, we did get the announcement today that the trial will start in just eight days."  
><em>

Aria's jaw dropped as she pulled her phone from her pocket and began to search for Ezra's number in her contacts. "How in the world did the news get the information before we did?" She asked as she looked over a Spencer.

Spencer simply shrugged.

Aria lifted her phone to her ear. It rang four times before Ezra picked up.

"_Hey. What's up?"_

"Have you seen the news today or talked to your dad? Or your lawyer?" She rambled quickly.

"_What? No. Why?"_

Aria opened her mouth to tell him about the news, but he spoke before she could.

"_Hang on. My dad is on the other line calling right now."_

Aria sighed as he switched the line. She looked back at Spencer. "I can't believe this got onto the news before he knew."

Spencer frowned sympathetically at her.

The line came through a moment later and Ezra's voice was angry.

"_You still there?"  
><em>

"Yeah," she replied. "What'd he say?"

_"I'm right here, Aria,"_Ethan replied. _"I was just telling Ezra that it wasn't planned for this information to go public before we knew. I've already spoken with the lead agent on the case, and this was __**not **__supposed to hit the news today. We were intended to receive a call today with the announcement, but someone heard something and told someone else information they weren't supposed to have. Now, they're going to do everything they can to keep you two out of the press, considering, but until this is all worked out, you both need to stay as far away from the press as possible. They may not know your names but-"_

"But its Rosewood, and nothing scandalous stays a secret for very long," Aria said.

"_Correct," _Ethan said. _"I know you're both in Philadelphia for the day, so just stay there for now. You're a lot less likely to run into reporters there."_

"_If I'm staying in Philadelphia-"_

"I'll send Eli with the moving truck. Did you sign the papers?"

Ethan asked.

"_Yeah."_ Ezra's voice was still tense with anger. _"I'm gonna go," _he paused tersely. _"Find something to eat or something."_

"_Just don't go punching any walls," _Ethan commanded.

A few moments later, the conversation ended, and Aria pulled the phone away from her ear. She looked over at Spencer, exhaling a heavy sigh. "I'm banned from Rosewood until further notice. Apparently the press is taking over the city like vultures."

"What about Ezra?" Spencer asked.

Aria shook her head. "He's moving into a new apartment here in Philadelphia." She sighed, resting her head in her hands as her elbows rested on her knees. "I can't believe this is happening like this. He's going to lose his mind over this."

"Do you want to go over and be by him?" Spencer asked.

Aria looked up at her. "Would you want to come? His brother is bringing a truck with a bunch of his things."

Spencer nodded. "Sure. Should I call Toby to help? I mean Ezra's wrist is broken right?"

Aria stood up from the couch and pulled her keys from her pocket. "I don't know. I'll call Ezra and ask him after he tells me where this new apartment is."

_-  
>The cactus in the valley<br>__that's about to crumble down  
>-<em>

Aria pulled a piece of pepperoni off of a piece of pizza and chewed it. She was still in Philadelphia with Ezra, Spencer, Elijah, and Toby, but they'd had the truck unpacked for hours, and most of the boxes had at least been opened. The five of them had put together Ezra's bed and then Toby and Elijah had carried the furniture inside. Afterwards, they had divided up opening boxes filled with books while Aria and Ezra attacked the kitchenette. They eventually grew hungry, though, and decided to order in dinner.

"What're you going to do with that back bedroom?" Aria asked as she picked another piece of pepperoni off her pizza.

Ezra shrugged. "Either make it an office or get a roommate. It's smaller, so I don't know who'd be up for it, though."

"You really think you'll be okay here on your own?" She murmured. She looked over her shoulder at Spencer, Toby, and Elijah. They were in the sitting room talking about hockey.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "All I know right now is that I want to get as far away from that man and everything that reminds me of him. I moved into that apartment to escape the dorms, but I never really got away from it all. I hate to say it, but Rosewood carries a lot of bad memories for me."

Aria nodded. "I've lost my fondness for it quite a bit in the last few years, too. Alison's death, and Mona, and Grady…"

"Just one more year," Ezra replied quietly. He gave a small smile. "And then we can get as far away from this city as we want."

Aria smiled. She leaned forward and pecked him on the lips. Ezra slipped his fingers into her hair and cupped her head, kissing her back for a few moments.

"I love you," Ezra said when he pulled away. "I'm sorry if I haven't said that enough lately."

Aria smiled again and kissed him once more. "I love you too."

They finished dinner and then began unloading boxes filled with books with Spencer, Toby, and Elijah. They had only just finished a box when there was a knock at the door. Aria and Ezra exchanged a confused look.

"That couldn't possibly be the press," he murmured. "I just signed the papers today. They couldn't possibly be in the system already."

Aria walked over to the door and looked through the peephole. A man with black hair dressed in a black suit stood on the other side. She opened the door. "Can I help you?"

"Is Ezra Fitz here?" The man asked. "I'm with the FBI."

Aria raised her eyes at him. "Can I see some form of ID?"

He lifted his credentials and showed her the badge and ID before narrowing his eyes at her a bit. "You're Aria, correct?"

Aria nodded. "And you are?"

"SSA Aaron Hotchner with the FBI. I've been running the case since it became federal." His eyes looked up from her to behind her, and Aria turned around as Ezra came to stand behind her.

"I'm Ezra Fitz. What do you want?"

"I'd like to speak with you about the things that are about to take place with this case and how it involves you. If I might come in?"

Ezra eyed him suspiciously for a few moments before nodding. He and Aria stepped out of the way and allowed the agent entrance into the apartment.

Spencer, Elijah, and Toby looked up as they came into the sitting room. Before Aaron could say anything, Spencer was quick to say that she and Toby should go, and Elijah mentioned something about meeting up with a friend. A few moments later, they were gone.

Ezra settled down on the couch while Aria sat next to him. Aaron sat in the chair across from them. He looked to Ezra.

"It's come to my understanding that you don't want to have any part in the trail," he said. "And while I can respect your apprehension, I going to ask you to reconsider."

"Why?" Ezra asked. "You've already got at least a dozen other men giving testimony."

"True," Aaron agreed. "But none of them have as solid a case as you. Some of these guys have compromised evidence because they waited too long to come forward. Others only have their word. I hate to say it, but with three DNA matches plus actually **catching **him in the act, you're the most solid witness we have."

Ezra shook his head. "I don't **want **anything to do with this guy or this trial. He did what he did, and it's over now. You can put him in jail without my help."

Aaron nodded, but the grim look on his face told a different story. "You're absolutely right, Mr. Fitz. There's a whole lineup of guys who have agreed to get on the stand, but with the diminished charges from lack of evidence and he-said-she-said, his sentence is going to be dramatically lowered."

Ezra sighed. His eyes slipped shut and he brought a hand over them, shaking his head. "You're saying without me up there, there's no case."

"I'm saying it's definitely going to struggle, and this guy may very well see the light of day again in just a few short years." Aaron replied. "And with our profile, I wouldn't put it past him to come after you again, restraining order or not."

Ezra dropped his elbows onto his knees, rubbing his fingers against his temples. "What do you want me to do?"

Aria rubbed her hand up and down his back, trying to comfort him.

"Mr. Fitz, we're sympathetic to the fact that this is something you want very little to do with. Unfortunately, you're the linchpin in this case, and we need your testimony. The lawyer on the case will be able to tell you more, but right now I need your word that you're on board with this." Aaron said.

Ezra sat there for several moments before finally looking up at Aaron. "Fine. But I want to know something first."

"Okay," Aaron said warily.

"You're a profiler, right? You figure out why criminals do what they do?" Ezra asked.

Aaron nodded. "Yes, that is what I do, but-"

"I want you to tell me why he did what he did to me. Why it was, as you guys like to call it, such a game for him to tear my life apart," Era said firmly.

"Mr. Fitz-"

"Ezra…"

He turned his head to look at Aria. "What? You're telling me if someone could give you a reason why Grady hurt you, you wouldn't want to know?"

Aria's shoulder's dropped and she frowned. She knew no matter what she said, it was going to upset him. "Okay."

She rested her cheek against his shoulder, looking back up at Aaron. Aaron folded his hands in his lap and pressed his lips into a thin line.

"He's a repeat offender. This is a guy that is **never** going to stop abusing, given the choice. He likely searched for the perfect victim until he found one who suited his personal– for lack of a term, lets say choice qualities. For whatever reason, that happened to be you. However, when you got the police involved, he was forced to run in order to avoid getting caught, and after that he searched over and over again to find the perfect replacement. However, we believe that he kept his attention on the news here in Rosewood, and on your life. He waited for what he felt was the perfect moment, and you taking a job at Hollis College made it that much more fun for him.

"We knew he came back when the attacks in different states stopped, but just like you, we didn't know his name, where he was, or what he looked like. It was one of the reasons we were behind Rosewood PD keeping an eye on you incase he turned up. We hadn't intended on him getting as close to you as he did, though."

He paused for a few moments. "I understand that you probably think that this is all your fault, but it's not. He sooner would have continued searching for the another victim if he'd been able to get away, and there's nothing you could've done to stop him."


	22. Left My Armor Back At Home

_Chapter 22_

_Left My Armor Back At Home_

Aria shivered lightly as she sat down in a booth in the grill. She had agreed to meet Spencer for lunch but it had more to do with her choice of not wanting to be at home with access to the television and the internet more than much of anything else. The last three days had brought more frustrating news as information continued to come in. She hated that the press knew so much when the cops and FBI were doing everything they could to keep things from them. There was discussion of a leak somewhere in the department, which had led to a lockdown in the investigation. If someone wasn't pertinent to the case, they weren't involved anymore.

Still, there was a frustration among the police department. They wanted the FBI to stop taking over so much of their space, but the mayor had insisted on Rosewood giving them proper accommodations. Aria's opinion fell quickly in with what Ethan had said the night before.

"_What, it's fine when they need the help to solve the case, but once the suspect has been apprehended they're supposed to hand it over to the people who let him get away and forge the path of destruction he created?" _

"Hey, sorry I'm late."

She looked up at Spencer as she came to sit down at the table and smiled. "It's alright."

"It's crazy, trying to find a parking spot out there. I've never seen Rosewood so packed," Spencer replied.

Aria nodded, taking a sip of the caramel frappaccino she'd ordered herself. The cool icy liquid slid easily down her throat and comforted her heated insides. "Ezra's dad says its because of all the witnesses coming to town for the court case, and their families."

"How's Ezra taking it?" Spencer asked. "With the trial coming up, I mean."

Aria shrugged, frowning for a moment. "Not very well. They said it's probably going to be a public trial which means press, and that's the last thing he wanted. He wanted this to be over and done with in a few weeks and not have to ever see or talk about him ever again, but the cops are pretty sure the press is going to be all over him once the trial starts."

"I can't even imagine," Spencer said sympathetically.

Aria nodded, twirling her straw in her frappaccino. "They did a debriefing last night and it was _insane_. I've never seen so many people and known…" she shook her head thinking back to all the guys she'd seen. How when she looked around the room, she could see resemblances to Ezra in every one of them. They ranged from eighteen to twenty-five, and there something key in them that she could compare to Ezra.

Like the guy who had the same bone structure, but whose blue eyes were closer to midnight blue than Ezra's powder blue Siberian husky shade. Or the one three seats down from him who had the same hair color, but whose skin wasn't quite the golden shade that Ezra's was. She couldn't help but wonder if the few victims before him felt the way he had – that the blood of every other guy in that room was on their hands.

Aria took a sip from her frappaccino and looked around the grill. Some of those same guys were in there. One was there was a girl who Aria assumed was his fiancée. Another guy who bared a striking resemblance to Elijah seemed to have his entire family in town. And then there were the few stragglers who were there with friends.

"It's like a Fitz bomb went off in Rosewood," Spencer murmured as she followed Aria's line of vision.

Aria looked back at her and glared. "Don't say that to Ezra. He'll lose his mind over it."

Spencer tugged her phone free from her purse as it started ringing and tapped on the screen. It lit up and she ran her fingers over the on-screen keyboard. A moment later, she set it back on the table and looked up. She was about to say something when her brow furrowed. She looked back at Aria.

"Isn't that Jackie?" She asked, pointing across the grill . "Ezra's ex?"

Aria turned her head and looked over towards where Spencer was asserting her attention. Sure enough, Jackie was standing at the counter, reading off a list of orders. She must've volunteered to buy coffee for the afternoon meeting that was supposed to happen at Hollis. She turned to step out of her seat when she spotted Ezra a few feet away. Jackie looked up at him and said something, but the chatter in the grill was too loud to hear what they were saying to each other. He pulled his wallet out of the pocket of his khaki shorts a moment later though, and he handed over a bill. He murmured something back to her and she nodded before he looked around the grill and spotted Aria and Spencer. He walked over to them.

"Caramel frappaccino?" He asked.

Aria nodded. "Working late tonight?"

He shook his head. "The meeting should be over by two and then I'm heading back to Philadelphia. You want to have dinner?"

Aria nodded, giving a small smile. Ezra turned and looked back at Jackie just as she was picking up trays off the counter. He leaned down and kissed Aria chastely before walking across the room and taking a tray from Jackie. Aria turned back to Spencer, waving to Ezra as he headed out of the grill, passing Hardy on the way, though neither of them gave the other any mind.

Aria opened her mouth to ask Spencer if they should order lunch or go somewhere else when Spencer's jaw suddenly dropped. Aria raised an eyebrow at her and then turned around. Hardy was standing next to Jackie, holding to trays and chuckling. A moment later, they kissed.

_-  
>It's good to hear your voice, I hope you're doing fine<br>__And if you ever wonder, I'm lonely here tonight  
>-<em>

Aria pulled chow mein out of a carton of food onto a plate with a fork as Ezra poured each of them a glass of juice. She had chosen orange while he had settled on strawberry-apple.

"How was your meeting today?" She asked as she scraped general tso's chicken onto her plate.

Ezra pushed a glass across the counter towards her and then walked over to the fridge and put the bottles of juice back in the fridge. "Boring. They usually are." He looked up at her and smiled briefly before grabbing a carton of dirty rice. "How was your day?"

Aria shrugged. "Boring. I can't start those classes until after Independence day, which means I have nothing else to do for the next couple of days. Spencer and I had lunch and then Holden came by the house for a while. We watched part of the Star Wars marathon."

Ezra stabbed a fork through a piece of broccoli on her plate and then brought it to his mouth and ate it. "So all in all, an easy day." He chuckled. "Can't say we've had very many of those lately."

Aria stared down at her plate for a moment, unsure as to if he knew about what had happened between Jackie and Hardy, or if they were possibly dating. He quickly caught on to her distraction though, and spoke up.

"Where's your head at?"

Aria looked back up at him and shrugged. "Nowhere. Here. I- W- I was just thinking about how crazy it was in the grill today."

Ezra nodded tersely, picking up his plate and glass. He walked around the counter and sat down on the stool next to Aria. "Rosewood is going a little nuts with all those guys here. Three of them turned up at Hollis looking for me. Fortunately, I was teaching at the time."

"You think they wanted to talk to you?" Aria asked.

Ezra shrugged, chewing down a bite of dirty rice. He swallowed it. "I really don't know or care enough to find out. I don't want to know them. I'll testify in the trial and then that's the last time I want to see any of those guys or talk about it."

Aria pressed her lips together to keep from making any expression that would end up upsetting him. She loved him, and she didn't want to hurt him by telling him that once the trial was over, that didn't make all the pain go away. He'd find out eventually anyway.

After a few tense minutes, she dropped her fork onto her plate and wiped her mouth before turning on her stool to face him. "I've got to ask you something."

Ezra looked up at her, settling his own fork on his plate before he wiped his mouth with his own napkin. "Alright. What's up?"

"You're… _friends_ with Jackie again, right?" Aria asked tentatively.

Ezra shrugged. "I guess. I mean we speak, but I wouldn't say we're best friends. Why?"

"A-And you're- are you speaking to Hardy again yet?"

Ezra shook his head, picking up his fork again. He began pushing chow mein around the plate. "Nope. I've seen him a few times around campus and he was at the grill to help with that coffee order today, but we haven't spoken since the end of April. Why?"

Aria chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, unsure about whether she should tell him what she'd seen or whether he'd even care to know. There were too many questions that his reaction would leave her with. Like what if he cared when she told him? Would it be because he was jealous of Hardy? Or would he be jealous of Jackie instead? Would he not care at all?

"Obviously you're asking me this for a reason," Ezra said, looking up at her again. "What is it?"

"I saw them today," she replied. "Kissing."

Ezra's eyes grew wide, and then before Aria knew what was happening, he was laughing. It wasn't the fake laughter she was used to coming from him now, but instead one of the rare times where he was actually amused. "You're joking right?"

Aria shook her head. "It was right after you walked out of the grill. Spencer saw them first and then when I turned around…"

He chuckled a bit more, shaking his head. "Wow. That's definitely the last thing I expected to hear today."

They continued with dinner and then afterwards, they rinsed their dishes and then left them in the sink before walking over to the couch. Ezra kicked his feet up on the coffee table as he often did, and Aria curled up next to him. They flipped through the channels on the television, passing many sitcoms and a few movies before finally settling on a documentary about some musician that neither of them really paid much attention to.

After a while, she tilted her head up just an inch. It wasn't enough to see him, but enough to make him aware that she was still awake.

"When's the last time you were really happy?" She asked.

Ezra shrugged, looking down at her. "I don't know. Why?"

Aria let out a long breath. She couldn't keep from frowning or feeling sad. "Because the other night when you let me read your journal again, I saw those lyrics you wrote in April."

Ezra leaned back a bit, and Aria pushed herself up more so that they were able to see each other. "Okay?"

"I guess I just always assumed that the problems you were having these past few months started when Grady raped me. But after I read that, I realized that there was stuff going on before that you didn't tell me about."

Ezra's confused expression fell, and was replaced with one of a sadder nature. "It was always hard. You made things better, but when I was alone at night, I couldn't get out of my own head. Not when I had to be awake at six AM."

Aria nodded. "That's why I asked the last time you were really happy."

Ezra narrowed his eyes and looked off at nothing in particular. After a few moments spent considering her question, he turned back to her. "Right before Christmas. The first photo we took."

Aria smiled before the memory even phased her, and she let out a small laugh. "Get in the bag, Mr. Fitz."

Ezra smiled back at her, and for a moment, it reached his eyes. He leaned forward and kissed her brushing a strand of hair off her face as he did so.

When they parted, Aria became more curious. "Why?"

Ezra licked his lips quickly and swallowed, shrugging. "I guess I was doing okay at the time. I wasn't in therapy anymore, and winter break was coming so I wouldn't be in Rosewood for a few days. Honestly, it was right before things got tough with us and I was terrified when you found out about Jackie working at Hollis that you'd break up with me and that I'd never see you again. But that night was a really good night for us. It was one where I was really happy."

"That was the night Garrett showed up at your apartment asking questions," Aria laughed.

Ezra shrugged, wrinkling his nose. "Details."

Aria yawned, stretching her limbs before she curled up next to him again. "Why can't we just stay here for good and never go back to Rosewood?"

Ezra chuckled, resting his chin on the top of her head as he wrapped his arm around her waist. "Because I have work and a trial, and one day, about eight weeks from now, you're going to have to go back to school."

Aria shook her head, looking up at him. "I'll go to Philadelphia public school. My parents will totally swing it."

Ezra laughed. "Sure they will."

_-  
>Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same<br>-_

Aria handed Ezra a cup of coffee and came to stand on his right side while Ethan stood on his left. He was talking into his phone, arguing with someone.

"Are your parents coming?" Ezra asked.

Aria shrugged, swallowing down a gulp of coffee. "I don't know. My dad said he was going to come because they want him to testify about what he walked in on. But since we don't know when you're going to be up on the stand…"

Ezra nodded, peeling the top off his coffee. He lifted it up and took several large gulps from it. It was piping hot, but he wasn't entirely happy to be there anyway.

Ethan huffed, pulling his phone away from his ear. "Stupid people." He looked up at Ezra and Aria. "I'm gonna take this out side. I'll be back in before they start."

Ezra nodded, and Ethan stepped past them before walking down the hall. Aria pulled her buzzing phone out of the pocket of her blazer.

"I just missed a call from my mom. I'm gonna go outside and see if I can call her back." She said. Ezra nodded.

She turned and walked down the hall, scrolling through her phone contacts until she found her mother's number. She looked up at she brought her phone up to her ear and spotted Hardy. She stopped in her track for a brief moment before waving at him as they passed each other.

Ezra looked up from his coffee cup, and nearly choked on the hot liquid when he remembered to swallow unless he wanted to wear the muddy colored liquid. He hadn't actually seen Hardy face to face in almost three months, and now he was standing two feet away.

"You need a napkin for that dribble?"

Ezra blinked a few times before a snort escaped him and he laughed. "We haven't talked in three months, and that's the first thing you say?"

Hardy shrugged, opening the pastry bag he was carrying. "I come with a surrender flag. Or, well, an apple fritter."

"Stress food!" Ezra chuckled. He shook his head, taking another drink from his coffee.

Hardy smiled nervously. "I think that's how you gained back half the weight you lost last year during finals."

Ezra chuckled, nodding. "Apple fritters and mocha… well, there was a lot of different mocha coffee drinks."

Hardy took a nervous breath, pulling the apple fritter out of the bag. "I know I was an ass the last time we talked…"

Ezra shrugged, taking another drink from his coffee. "I didn't help by screaming at you. I just…"

"It's fine," Hardy said dismissively.

"No," Ezra disagreed. He finally looked his best friend in the eyes. "My mom and my brother might've known about last year, but they didn't live with me, or see what it was like every day. And I'm sure my mother would have at least half a dozen reasons about why we had that fight, but it's over now."

Hardy nodded. He handed over the apple fritter. Ezra gave a half smile, silently thanking him for the gesture. He picked off a small piece and munched on it before he looked up. He spotted a brunette among the crowd of people and then looked back at Hardy.

"I've got a bone to pick with you."

"Okay?" Hardy replied.

"When did eternal loathing transition into hooking up with my ex?" Ezra asked.

Hardy laughed, looking down at the floor. "I _honestly_don't know. One minute she was telling me to get off my high horse with our argument, and the next, I was kissing her goodnight. I don't think we've even figured out how we went from hating each other to…whatever it is now. We're not labeling it and I'm not holding my breath on anything serious."

Ezra nodded, handing over the apple fritter a moment later. "Sorry. I'm just… I might puke in the next few minutes. Nerves, coffee, empty stomach."

Hardy opened the bag and Ezra dropped the pastry inside of it before taking another drink from his coffee. As he gulped it down, Aria walked up with Ella and his mother.

Anne hugged him and smiled at Hardy. "Have you two boys finally made peace?"

"Sure, sure," Ezra said.

"So what's going to happen today?" Anne asked.

Ezra shrugged, looking down at his coffee cup. "Opening arguments. They're putting people on the stand in order of who he went after, so I'll probably be up last."

"That could be days from now," Anne replied. "Weeks even."

Ezra nodded. "Yep." He sighed heavily.

"Hey," She said, squeezing his shoulder. "It's just a couple of hours a day, and you're not the only person feeling that way in that room."

Ezra looked up at his mother. "No, but I **am **the only one he's ever played mind games with. The only one he apparently couldn't 'get enough of'. Need I go on?"

"Can I kill him now?" Hardy interjected. "Really. I mean he won't be that hard to spot, standing at the front of the room in orange-"

"Mr. Danielson," Anne said firmly. "Let's just go into the courtroom. Something tells me that seating is probably going to be a little tough."

_-  
>California, here we come<br>__Right back where we started from  
>-<em>

The opening arguments passed in a blur with the FBI attorney arguing that Adam should be convicted to a life spent in prison while the state-appointed attorney defending Adam was trying to say that he was 'troubled' and needed treatment instead of life in prison.

By the end of the afternoon, Ezra was emotionally exhausted, and struggling enough to keep his own emotions in check. The situation only got worse when Hardy stuck around after while he was talking with the attorney. He would've missed the conversation if one of the other guys testifying hadn't come up and interrupted, just in time for him to catch Adam taunting Hardy, telling him that he was the one he had really been after to begin with.

Ezra knew that wasn't true. Everyone in the court room had known that wasn't true, but it still had taken everything Ezra had left in him to keep his best friend from diving across the gallery and tearing Adam apart.

He sunk down onto the floor of his apartment, settling the glass of wine he'd poured on the floor next to him. He had the central air turned up to it's highest setting and had changed out of his typical dress clothes into jogging pants and a Hollis sweater. He turned the glass on the floor and dropped his head back against the wall.

"_Do you __**know**_ _why you tried to kill yourself?"_

_Ezra stared at the white bandaging on his wrists. It was a stark contrast against the dark green long-sleeved shirt he was wearing. He looked up at the woman sitting across from him. "I don't want to talk about this."_

_The therapist sighed and dropped her pen onto her desk. "I can see that. And we've been going around in circles like this for months. Look, Ezra, I don't want to give up on you, but I don't know what else to do with you. Every week is another brick wall, and while you don't seem to be doing any worse, you're not getting any better with this, either."_

"So?" He muttered disinterestedly.

"_So I'm thinking we should table this for a few months, and revisit therapy if and when you're ready to talk." She said "But only on the premise that if you need help, __**you get it.**__You've got a support system, Ezra. Let it work for you."_

"Ezra?"

He turned his head from where he was staring out the window of his apartment, still sitting on the floor against the counter. "What?"

Aria came around the counter and looked around the room before she realized he was sitting on the floor in front of her. She sank down onto her knees, pulling the sweater she'd put on before leaving home tighter around her. "Hey."

He looked up at her and forced a smile, but it looked more like grimace. "Hey."

She curled her legs under her as she laid her head against the wall. "Are you okay?"

Ezra shrugged, turning to look back out the window. "If it didn't suck already that I have to go to court and see that asshole every day, today I had to stop Hardy from tearing his eyes out because he gets off on playing mind games with the people I love."

Aria's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Ezra looked down at his wrist, staring at the strip on his wrist that was several shades lighter than the rest of his arm because of his watch; namely the scar from where he'd sliced his wrist open. "He told Hardy that he was after him when he came after me."

"But-"

Ezra whipped his head back to look at her. "It's all a head game to him, Aria. He doesn't care about lying to people, as long as he can screw them over and upset them. It wasn't true, but he said it to Hardy, because he knew it would get a rise out of him."

"And you," she added.

"What?" Ezra asked.

"Well you said he did it because he likes to play mind games, right?" She asked. "And he **really **likes to play mind games with you. So why wouldn't the comment he made today be just another mind game? I mean he knew you were standing right there. What better way to get in your head than to tell your best friend, who he **knows** you're closest to, that he was really after him? I mean why _wouldn't_he say something like that in front of you?"

Ezra shook his head, looking up at her. "It doesn't change what he did."

Tears formed her eyes as she reached up and placed her hand on his cheek. "Nothing is ever going to change what he did. Not any amount of apologies or a life sentence. Even when the trial ends…"

Ezra stared back at her, and he didn't know if it hurt worse to hear her say the things she was saying, or that she was crying. He shook his head and wrapped his arm around her, rubbing it up and down her back. Aria rested her head on his shoulder, pulling her legs up so they didn't fall asleep and rested them against Ezra's legs.

_-  
>State of emergency is where I want to be<br>- _

Aria groaned against the brightness of the sunlight glaring through the window across the room. It was one of the things she was quickly realizing that she didn't like about Ezra's new apartment. There were windows everywhere, and he didn't have curtains on very many of them.

She opened her eyes, throwing her hand in front of her face to block the light from blinding her. Ezra was still fast asleep next to her. She was surprised that he wasn't rolling in the blankets after how much he'd tossed and turned during the night.

She pushed the blankets off of her and moved off the bed, walking around it over to the window. She pulled the curtains shut.

"You're awake."

She turned around and smiled at Ezra. "I thought you were still sleeping."

Ezra shook his head, sitting up on his bed. "I've been awake since five. I figured if I was awake, I wouldn't kick you anymore."

Aria giggled, shaking her head as she walked over to the bed. "You only kicked me once. And look, it didn't even bruise." She looked over at the clock and then ran a hand through her hair. "We should get up anyway. I have to go home to change."

"Yeah," Ezra sighed. "I have to shower."

"I'll put some coffee on before I leave," Aria said, getting up off the bed.

Ezra moved after her, and then groaned as his feet slipped on the floor. He grabbed the nightstand as he sat back down on the bed.

"Are you alright?" Aria asked.

Ezra nodded, reaching his hand up to rub his eyes. "Yep. Just dizzy."

"Ezra-"

He looked up at her, stopping her words before she could say anything. "I don't want to argue, Aria."

She sighed and shook her head. "Fine. I won't say it." She looked around the room and then pressed her lips together for a moment, crossing her arms. She leaned down and pecked him on the lips. "I have to go. I'll see you later tonight? Dinner?"

Ezra looked up at her and nodded. Aria stood up and walked out of the room, down the hall into the kitchenette. She walked over to the fridge and opened it to grab the coffee grounds before she walked over to the percolator. She grabbed a fresh filter and opened up the top of the percolator to put it inside before she scooped a cupful of grounds from the bag of coffee and dumped it into the top of the peculator before she put the bag back in the fridge and then grabbed the coffee pot and walked over to the sink. She turned the faucet and then filled the pot before going back to the percolator and pouring the water into the back before settling the pot on the heating base and turning the percolator on.

She walked around the counter and grabbed her flip-flops from where she'd left them the night before and pulled them on before she grabbed her bag off the counter and walked out of the apartment.

She headed down the hall towards the elevator and then slipped inside as a woman stepped out and punched the button to the parking garage before leaning back against the wall. The new apartment was certainly several steps up from the tiny studio apartment Ezra had been in just a few weeks ago, but it also came with security around the clock, and actual rooms, along with the floor-to-ceiling windows and all the other perks that came with living in a twelve hundred dollars-a-month apartment. A part of her had wondered where the money for the deposit had come from when she first saw it, but there was no secret about the fact that he came from money. His parents weren't rich, though that had more to do with the fact that his dad lost most of his own trust being an alcoholic. Still, his mother was more than stable, and Elijah had told her weeks ago that they both had trust funds. Elijah had already spent some of his, but he'd told her that Ezra had never touched his own.

The elevator doors opened and she stepped out of it and then walked over to her car. She pulled her phone from her purse and checked to see if she had any messages. She dropped it back into her purse as she stepped up to the car and pulled her keys out.

She got into the car and started it before putting it into reverse while she pulled her seatbelt on. She locked it into place and backed out of the parking space before heading out of the parking garage. The lighting quickly changed from near total darkness to the bright sunlight that came with early morning. Even though it was only half past eight, the streets were already filled with cars filled with people headed off to work and plenty of other places.

She reached over and punched the radio dial.

"_And today marks the second day in court for the FBI's case against Adam- FBI liaison says they have high hopes- still no news on-" _

She punched the seek button repeatedly until she finally managed to find a radio station that was actually playing music, and then she groaned as she was stopped in a traffic jam.

"_Don't speak, I can't believe  
><em>_This is here, happening  
><em>_Our situation isn't right_

_Get real, who you playing with?  
><em>_I never thought he'd be like this  
><em>_You were supposed to be there by my side_

_When you say that you want me  
><em>_I just don't believe it  
><em>_You're always ready to give up_

_But never turn around  
><em>_But what if I need you baby  
><em>_Would you even try to save me  
><em>_Or would you find some lame excuse  
><em>_To never be true  
><em>_What if I said I loved you  
><em>_Would you be the one to run to  
><em>_Or would you watch me walk away without a fight…"_


	23. Coming Back With Broken Bones

**A/N: **Please excuse me if this chapter seems to go on forever. I apparently didn't know what I was taking on when I started it.

_Chapter 23_

_Coming Back With Broken Bones_

The next few weeks passed steadily as the trial continued. Aria began her classes at Hollis, though she saw less of Ezra because of it. He was at Hollis when he wasn't in court, trying to keep up the paperwork that was piling up. In the rare free moments he had, he was spending time with his family or hanging out with Hardy again.

Aria dropped her books onto the coffee table in Ezra's office as he walked around the desk, over to her.

"Classes go okay?" He asked.

Aria nodded, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him down into a quick kiss. "I've got a thirty page reading assignment for one and a painting for the other. Have you gotten anymore caught up on your class work?"

Ezra shook his head, picking up his travel mug from the coffee table. "Nope. Every day I spend in court is another day that paperwork stacks up. Your dad's taking on more than his fair share, but I've still got students who haven't gotten back papers that were supposed to be returned weeks ago."

"Is there anything I can do?" Aria asked.

Ezra chuckled. "Well considering there are laws against giving jobs to people who aren't legally qualified and the fact that I'm pretty sure this trial is never going to end…" He gave a half-smile and shrugged. "I'm sorry. I should let you study. And I should get back to the papers that should've been given back when last semester ended."

Aria pecked him on the cheek and then dropped down onto the couch. She grabbed the textbook for her English class and the lemon slushy she'd gotten herself on the way over and sat back on the couch. She crossed one leg over the other and turned the textbook open and began to read. She stirred her straw in her slushy as she read. After a while, she grew bored of reading and marked the page before flipping he textbook shut. She looked over at Ezra and chuckled.

"Mainlining caffeine to function **still**?" She asked.

He lifted his head up off his desk and yawned, smiling cheekily. "Yep. I swear, I think my body is actually learning how to function like this."

"Really?" Aria asked.

Ezra shrugged. "Well, it's either that, or I'm extremely vitamin deficient and on the verge of collapsing."

Aria raised her eyebrows, nodding. "I'm gonna go with the latter. You **really **need to get some sleep, Ezra."

Ezra sighed, rubbing his eyes. "You're preaching to the converted, trust me."

"So you're actually going to go see someone?" Aria asked.

Ezra laughed. "No. But-" He stopped talking and looked up towards his doorway as someone knocked on the doorframe and stepped inside. "Um hi? Can I help you?"

"Are you Ezra Fitz?" The guy asked. He had curly black hair and blue eyes like Ezra, but his features were less angular than Ezra's. Clearly one of the guys involved in the trial.

"What gave me away?" Ezra asked sardonically. He shook his head when the guy seemed to be confused by the question. "It was a rhetorical question. What's up?"

The guy standing in the door way looked down at the floor, fingering a key on a key ring in his hand. "I'm Trey. The FBI agent on that case here told me I should look you up."

Ezra shook his head, dropping the pen he was holding onto the desk. "He shouldn't have told you to do that. I don't want anything to do with that trial outside of the courtroom."

Trey looked over at Aria and then back at Ezra. "Look, she's in like every paper in Pennsylvania right now, and that FBI agent said you're probably going to be in every paper in the country in a week, so-"

"So I don't want to have whatever conversation you want to have," Ezra said tersely. "Whatever question you've got, I **guarantee** I can't answer in the right ways, and I want nothing to do with the other guys involved in this, because it's bad enough dealing with **knowing** the trouble I caused for them without actually having to know them."

Aria gulped, watching the exchange between Ezra and Trey. She couldn't help but feel bad for the other guy because she knew Ezra was being rude. Still, she knew how Ezra felt about the trial, and she knew that he was really only being honest.

Trey nodded and turned to walk out of the room, clearly defeated. Aria looked back at Ezra when he was gone and shook her head.

"That wasn't very nice or fair," she said.

Ezra waved his hands out, appalled. "What am I supposed to do, Aria? I'm not and more of a victim than they are, and I'm not going to play spokesperson for those guys. The only reason I'm even getting up on the witness stand is because I don't want him ever seeing the light of day outside a prison yard ever again."

Aria shook her head, stacking her textbook on top of the other one she'd brought in with her. She grabbed both off the coffee table and stood. "Maybe so, but I'm pretty sure no one was ever that rude to you after everything happened to you." She exhaled hard, resting her textbooks on her arm that she held her slushy in so that she could pull her car keys from her pocket. "I'm gonna go home. I'll see you later."

She didn't wait for a response as she walked out of the room and then headed out of the building. She didn't know if she'd upset him with what she said, and a part of her really didn't care. She understood that the way he treated the other victims was about self-preservation, but it didn't make it alright.

She got into her car and tossed her textbooks into the passenger seat before starting the car. She put the car reverse, pushing the volume button on her steering wheel to turn the music up. There was a mix CD in the player that she'd made of songs that reminded her of Ezra. It was a recent one that she'd made in the past few weeks, and the first track always made her think of him.

"_Oh, you remind me of the little things  
><em>_Till I forget the part that's troubling  
><em>_And I feel so much better  
><em>_When we are together_

_It's you who brings the morning  
><em>_And you who takes the sun when I sleep  
><em>_You're the only one who stuck around  
><em>_For me when I was losing faith in what  
><em>_I thought I would be  
><em>_You're the only one in the dark I see…"_

A smile threatened to tug on her face as she pulled onto the road, but she was still frustrated with him for the way he'd treated Trey, so she hit the skip button instead, even though the following song didn't help much with keeping her angry.

"_Something in your eyes makes me want to lose myself  
><em>_Makes me want to lose myself in your arms  
><em>_There's something in your voice that makes my heart beat fast  
><em>_Hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life_

_And if you knew how lonely my life has been  
><em>_And how numb I've been so alone  
><em>_And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along  
><em>_And change my life the way you've done  
><em>_It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me  
><em>_It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from…"_

She pulled up to her parents house a few minutes later and parked her car behind her mother's before grabbing her books out of the passenger seat and walking up to the house. She walked inside and kicked the door shut behind herself before slipping out of her sandals and walking into the kitchen.

"Did you get anything for lunch?" She asked her mother as she dropped her books on the table.

Ella looked up from the papers she was reading over and shook her head. "No, but you may want to go look in the sitting room and see what showed up for you today."

Aria's brow knit in confusion as she grabbed an orange from a bowl of fruit on the table. She curled her nails into the peel and began to pull part of it off as she walked out of the room, into the sitting room. Her jaw dropped .

"Hanna!"

Hanna smiled at her as she hopped up from where she was sitting on the couch. "I was wondering when you'd get here! Your mom said your class was over half an hour ago."

Aria giggled, wrapping her arms around her best friend. "It was. I was hanging out at Hollis for a while." They pulled apart and Aria looked Hanna up and down. "You're so tan! I thought you were- well, where _have_you been these past few weeks?"

Hanna laughed, running a hand through her freshly chopped sun-kissed hair. "I was by my grandma in Baltimore and then down in the Keys with my dad, Kate, and Isabel. We're only back for like two days. Isabel got called into work on some emergency, but my mom insisted on me going on this two week cruise with my dad and Kate even if Isabel can't go."

Aria smiled and hugged Hanna again. "Well good. You seem good."

Hanna shrugged. "I can't complain. But what about you? I hadn't heard from you in weeks, and then all of a sudden Spencer says you're out of your shell? How've you been?! How's… everything?"

Aria gave a small smile and looked down at her orange. "Let me grab something- well, something _else_ to eat along with this, and we can go up to my room and talk."

Hanna grabbed a bag of food off the coffee table. "I brought greek. It's not _as_ good as what I've had on vacation, but I thought we could give it a shot together?"

Aria chuckled and nodded. "Sure. I'll just grab my books."

She walked into the kitchen and grabbed her textbooks from the counter and then she and Hanna walked through the house, up the stairs and into her bedroom. She couldn't help but scowl lightly at the disorganization that had taken over her floor in the past few weeks. Her room wasn't really dirty as much as things were simply just all over the place. Almost every free minute she had lately was spent with someone else doing something somewhere else.

She walked over to her bed and sat down and Hanna followed after her, sitting down on the other side. She opened the bag and pulled out two trays, handing one over to Aria. They began to eat. After a few minutes, Hanna spoke.

"So how has everything been?" Hanna asked again. "The trial?"

Aria shrugged chewing on a piece of lamb. "Okay, I guess. I haven't really had much time to stop and think these past few weeks really, which is a little nice, I guess. The trial…" She shrugged. "Grady's in jail for the next six years, and by then I won't be here in Rosewood anymore, so I can't complain."

Hanna nodded. "Are you going back to Rosewood Day when school starts?"

Aria shrugged again. "I don't know. My parents are looking at Sheridan Prep, and a few other schools close by. I'm just not sure I can go back there after the end of the year. I don't want to run away, but…" she looked down at her tray of food, shaking her head.

"Hey," Hanna interjected. "It's okay. How's Ezra?" She asked, changing the subject.

Aria let out a laugh. "He's- well, he's worse than me, I guess. Just before I came home I watched him yell at some guy for asking questions about the trial. Not a reporter, but…" She shook her head again, popping another piece of lamb into her mouth. "I know everyone copes differently, but I just didn't think it was fair that he yelled at someone who understands what he's been through. But I don't want to talk about me anymore. How are you? Caleb?"

Hanna rolled her eyes, chewing down a bite of food. "I'm alright. Caleb and I have been arguing, but it's because we haven't had any time for each other. We keep missing each others calls and he's till in California with his mom."

"Are you going to see him again before the end of the summer," Aria asked.

Hanna shrugged. "I don't know. His mom really wanted him in California for the summer, and who am I to tell him to do anything different? He really likes having her back in his life."

Aria nodded, picking up her orange from where she'd set it aside. She started peeling it again, tossing the scraps away into the bag Hanna had brought the food in. They continued to eat lunch and talked about trivial things, staying away from anything too serious. After about an hour, Hanna started to pack up to leave, distracted by yet another missed call from Caleb.

"We should have dinner before I leave again," she insisted. "You, me, and Spencer, if she can pull away from her textbooks long enough."

Aria smiled, affording herself a small laugh. "I will if we can make it lunch. Dinner seems to have become reserved for my family and Ezra's."

"Lunch it is then," Hanna said cheerily as she grabbed the bag of garbage and brought her phone up to her ear. She and Aria hugged quickly and then she headed out of the room, chatting into her phone.

Aria grabbed her textbooks from her nightstand and began to read. Her distraction was imminent though, and she quickly found herself stealing glances over at _Let You Go _and _Free Fall,_ both resting on the nightstand. After a frustrated huff, she reached over and grabbed both. She flipped _Let You Go _open and turned the pages until she found the part running through her head.

_Riley leaned over to the coffee table and picked the folder up of of it that Devon had given to him at the café. He flipped it open and turned past the first few pictures, pulling one out where there was a clear resemblance to Samaira as a baby. He flipped past rest and pulled out the most recent one; It was just Harly smiling at the camera. _

_He passed the photos to Gabrielle. "If I had known sooner-"_

_"We wouldn't be together."_

"_No," Riley disagreed. "I don't love Devon. I never did."_

She ran her fingers over the words. They were ones that she'd read over and over after finishing the book. It was such a blatant lie, but to anyone only that far into the story, it made sense. And in recent weeks, she found herself wondering if Ezra didn't think the same way. If it was just easier for him to deny things blatantly to other people, rather than just face what was right in front of him. After all, he'd done that with her for over six months.

She sighed and dropped the book onto her bed.

"Hey."

She looked up towards the doorway. Ezra was standing there holding coffees. "I come in peace," he insisted. "With a white chocolate mocha flag."

Aria gave a small smile and a little laugh at his sorry attempt at humor. She took the coffee when he handed it to her and sipped it. She didn't prefer hot coffee much in the summer, but it tasted good anyway.

"Look, I'm sorry," he said. "What I said to that guy wasn't fair. I should've given him more than half a chance. I just don't want to deal with any of those guys outside of the court room. Maybe it's selfish, but…" He shrugged.

Aria exhaled and she couldn't help but frown in the slightest. "I get it. I just didn't think how you acted with him was very fair." She took a drink from her coffee and her frown turned back into a smile as she swallowed the flavorsome liquid. "Maybe this can all be over and done tomorrow anyway."

Ezra laughed sarcastically, nodding as he took a drink from his coffee. "Sure, on the off chance that the jury returns with a quick verdict after a full day of telling all of Rosewood the things that I never wanted to have to tell anyone."

_-  
>Hold on, its tragic, stumbling through all this static<br>__I just want to talk to you, my broken heart just has no use  
>-<em>

Aria coughed, gulping down a cold sip of water. Being dressed in court clothing wasn't comfortable in the summertime, and it was even worse in the middle of July. She had taken up a supply of colored formal skirt business suits since the beginning of the summer, but even being in a sunlight yellow suit didn't take away from ninety degree heat or air so humid that it was like trying to breathe inside an oven.

"This heat is ridiculous," she whined, sinking down onto a bench inside the courthouse.

"Yep," Ezra agreed, looking up from the newspaper he was attempting poorly to read. "Hell has **literally **frozen over, just in time for my whole life to come crashing down in front of all of Rosewood."

Aria shook her head at him as she dug into her purse for a permanent marker. She briefly considered using something of color, but instead decided on a metallic gold that would stick out against the blue plaster. "Alright," she said, tugging on his arm. "Gimme."

Ezra raised an eyebrow at her, confused. Even so, she pulled his arm over and lifted his hand up and began to write on the plaster. After a moment, she capped the marker and then slipped her hand into his, stuffing the marker back into her purse.

"What'd you write?" He asked, trying to pull his fingers free.

Aria grabbed his hand with her other hand and held it tightly between both of hers, giggling. "Stop! When you're up on the witness stand freaking out, then you can look at it."

Ezra shook his head at her, but he smiled anyway. Aria grabbed her bottle of water from next to her and proceeded a juggling act, having Ezra remove the cap before she took a drink and then passed it to Ezra as he handed over the cap and took a drink of it as well.

"Good lord, you two are like salty, sticky, sweet _nauseating _candy."

Aria laughed, but she raised her eyebrows at Jackie and Hardy holding hands. They were by far the most unconventional couple she ever could've dreamed up and the fact that they were actually dating made it that much harder to understand.

"You, my ex and my best friend, are calling _me_ nauseating?" Ezra simpered. "Six months ago, you two wanted to rip each other's eyes out!"

Hardy shrugged, shaking his head. "So it doesn't make sense. That's why it works."

"I thought you were told not to come back to watch the trial after you almost ripped Adam's throat out," Aria said to Hardy.

Hardy nodded. "Yeah, but I've been told today might be the day this catastrophe ends, and I'm not going to miss seeing that jackass get a returned guilty verdict for anything. Hence the reinforcements to keep my mouth shut."

Aria and Ezra laughed at Hardy. They four of them talked for another minute or so before they all headed into the court room. Aria sat in the first row with Ezra while Hardy and Jackie sat further back, away from the other victims, but not as far back as the journalists and other like media.

The court was called into session a few minutes later, and brief exchanges were made before the FBI attorney called Ezra up to the stand. As with every other victim, he was asked to identify who had attacked him. He gave little attention to Adam after pointing him out.

"Ezra, what was your involvement in the Hollis press last year involving the student rapes?" The FBI attorney asked.

Ezra stared at the crowd of journalists up in the balcony, ready to write down and take in every word he said. "I was the senior editor, so I had control of where all the articles went. The administrators wanted it on the front page above the fold, and I agreed, because friends of friends were getting hurt." He paused for a moment and took a deep breath, letting his eyes fall to the floor. "I decided to write the article myself so that everything that needed to be put in the article _was_in the article."

"So you were the deciding factor behind putting this information out to the college students?" The attorney asked as she walked over to the table and grabbed a laminated copy of the article and then walked over to the jury and handed it to the foreman. "You decided where the article went, what was in it, and who wrote it?"

Ezra nodded. "To a degree. The dean of English always had the option to pull anything, but yes."

"Had you met Adam Jenner before the article was printed?"

Ezra shook his head. "Not at all."

"Can you explain the events of February 24th, 2010?" The attorney asked.

Ezra gulped and looked down at his hands. His brow furrowed in the slightest as he looked at his cast.

"_All the worth in trying and failing comes full circle when you realize that everything you thought wasn't worth anything, is really your entire world."  
><em>_-Free Fall_

He took a deep breath and then looked back up at the attorney. "I was alone for the weekend because my roommate was visiting family in New York. I had a late night studying with the curfew, so I slept on the bottom bunk." He gulped, reminding himself that other guys had told similar stories in recent weeks and that he wasn't alone.

"I woke up in the middle of the night- I wasn't really sure why; I was really disoriented. I went to pull my arms under the pillow, and that's when I saw they were tied to the bed posts. He w- he was behind me, and pushing my shirt up, and telling me that what he was doing was my fault. I tried to get my arms free, and I was asking him why he was doing what he was doing, but he wouldn't say anything. He started to-"

His breath caught in his throat, and he had to stop before he got sick in front of all the people. The FBI attorney walked over to the table and grabbed a glass. She filled it with water and then walked back to Ezra and handed him the glass. Ezra took it from her with his hands shaking and slowly took a few long sips before handing the glass back.

"He started to move in and out of me, and I started screaming. He tried to cover my mouth, but I kept turning my head, so he shoved a sock in my mouth. When he finished, he laid on top of me for a while and then he got off the bed, and I thought he'd leave. He came around the bed and pulled the sock out tried to put his… _member_ in my mouth. I tried to turn my head, so he hit me and then he put it in my mouth and m- made me get him off again. I still thought he'd leave, but he didn't."

He huffed, tired of dragging the story out again, and cut quick to the point. "He raped me again, and made me have an orgasm before he finally untied me and left."

The FBI attorney nodded. They spent the next hour with Ezra explaining his account of each time Adam had attacked him in 2010, and then what he remembered of what happened in May. Afterwards, Adam's lawyer stood and attempted poorly to tarnish Ezra's testimony, but it was nearly worthless, given that it was pretty ironclad.

With a heavy breath, he stepped off the witness stand and walked back over to the gallery and took his seat beside Aria. Closing arguments were had and then the jury headed out into deliberation while everyone else headed outside. The journalists and media were sent out of the building, while everyone else waited in the hallway

Aria almost had to run after Ezra as he pushed through the crowd of people to the nearest wastepaper bin. She should have expected it, but she was still surprised when he grabbed the sides of waste bin and proceeded to vomit into it several times.

When he managed to stop, he was pulled aside by Aaron, the FBI agent in charge of the case, and he and Aria were told that all the victims were meeting in a deposing room. Aria purchased a bottle of water for Ezra from a vending machine and he rinsed his mouth out before they headed over towards Aaron. The crowd gathered was a large one, but before they could go into the room, someone walked up to them.

"Hey, guys, they're coming back with the verdict."

Aaron whipped his head around, surprised. "They went to deliberation less than ten minutes ago."

"Well they're coming back. Now."

Aria looked up at Ezra, and he looked back down at her, equally surprised.

They were led back into the courtroom and everyone sat down, though they stood again when the judge retuned to the room and called them into order.

"Has the jury come to a decision?" He asked.

The foreman nodded. "We have, your honor."

Aria slipped her fingers between Ezra's and rubbed her thumb in circles over the back of his hand as he gripped her hand tight enough to turn his knuckles white. The grip hurt, but there was no way she was going to tell him that he had to let go.

The list of charges was extensive, and his came up last. By the time they reached it, Aria was rubbing her free hand up and down his bicep, trying to keep him calm, but also trying to coax him into releasing his grip even in just the slightest.

"And on the charge of rape in the first degree to Ezra J. Fitz, the jury finds the defendant guilty."

The term was repeated several times for each count, as well as a battery charge for attacking Ezra in his office. When the charges finally came to an end, the judge dismissed all the witnesses and ordered Adam be held until sentencing.

Aria looked up at Ezra, letting out a small sigh of relief as he released her hand. They hugged until they were interrupted by Jackie and Hardy, who also commended him for his testimony and congratulated him on the guilty verdict. It wasn't something that could really be enjoyed in a typical way, though it did warrant the feeling of a heavy weight being lifted off his shoulders.

They headed out of the court room and down the hall, where they were ambushed by both their families, who had been forced to work. Hugs were shared, and Anne and Ethan were in high spirits at the fact that Adam was going to be in jail for a long time.

"Let's head out the back," Ethan suggested.

"Does it really matter?" Ezra asked. "I mean isn't the press going to be at every exit insisting on a quote?"

Ethan stared at him, confused, for several moments before they headed out of the court house through the front doors. As promised, the press was at the base of the steps already asking questions to other witnesses who had testified. Even in the summer heat, the vultures were swarming.

A generous portion of them still looked up when Ezra walked up and began asking questions. He stood there like a deer in the headlights for a moment before Ethan commanded him to start moving and ignore everything they were saying. Their group moved quickly past the reporters and down the street away from the journalists. If Ezra or Aria thought about turning around and telling the press to shut up, they didn't get the chance because Ethan kept telling them to ignore the press and keep moving.

_-  
>Just tell me why you're here and who you are<br>__Cause every time I look you're never there  
>-<em>

Aria settled her phone on the kitchen table, running her hands through her hair. After she had spent dinner with her parents, Ezra's parents, and Ezra, they had all headed off their separate ways. Byron had gone back to Hollis to do work and Ella had gone with him to plan the family vacation they were supposed to be taking in a few weeks when Mike got back from summer camp. They weren't going to be back until late, but she'd decided to stay home alone instead of going with her parents or to Philadelphia with Ezra. Instead, she'd spent the past few hours letting Emily tell her all about swimming camp.

She pushed up from the table and laughed when her phone started to ring again. She picked it up and walked over to the back door and walked outside as she answered the phone. "Hello?"

_"Hey!"_ Spencer's voice came cheerfully over the other end of the phone. _"Did you talk to Em?"_

"Yeah," Aria replied, crossing her arm across her body as she stepped outside. The heat hadn't dropped much, but it was a lot more comfortable in short shorts and a tank top than it was in formal clothing. "She was telling me how she and Paige have been sneaking off on dates almost every night.."

Spencer laughed. _"Who would've thought Emily could be the one to tame Page McCullers?"_

Aria chuckled. "Who knows." She looked back inside the house. "Hey do you want to have lunch tomorrow in the city?"

_"Sure,"_ Spencer replied. _"Are you staying at Ezra's again?"_

"No. Er- I-" She sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know. I'm trying to do this whole thing with distance without being distant, but I don't know how it's going to go."

"_What?" _Spencer asked. _"That made __**no **__sense."_

Aria shook her head. She pulled the door shut behind her and walked over to one of the deck chairs and sat down. "Ezra and I have spent **so **much time practically living together in the past few months and when school starts, things aren't going to be able to stay that way. I just figure it's easier to start separating now instead of waiting until September and having to learn how to sleep alone while juggling a full course load."

_"So you're going cold turkey now instead of a month from now?" _Spencer asked.

"Am I being entirely ridiculous?" Aria replied.

"_I'm not really in a place to judge. I've never been through what you've been through or had to stay with Toby to be safe. I think whatever you do will probably be right. And if it's not, you'll know it."_

Aria laughed. "Thanks for trusting my judgment."

"_My pleasure. Look, Melissa's coming back with dinner in like five minutes-"_

"Say no more," Aria replied. "Text me in the morning and we'll have lunch wherever you want."

"_Absolutely," _Spencer replied. They hung up a moment later and Aria stood and walked back into the house. She locked the back door and then grabbed her things and walked up to her bedroom and settled them on her desk.

She picked up her phone again and stared at the screen for a moment. She jumped slightly when it buzzed in her hand, and tapped the screen.

**Miss you. You okay alone?  
><strong>_-Ezra_

She stared at it for several minutes, trying to decide what to do. While being alone wasn't easy, she was learning not to mind it so much. Ezra was a completely different story though. She was worried about him living alone and not having anyone around, and admittedly, that affected her ability to be able to focus on her own issues.

She settled her phone on her desk and walked over to her bed and sat down, lifting the lid of her laptop open. It loaded up and her web browser was still open from that morning when she'd been reading. She refreshed the page and then looked over the new threads. She was surprised by the new post from one of the few friends she'd made.

_DamagedEclipse: _

_Hi all. I don't think I've actually started a thread on this forum in more than a year. I'm not sure where to even begin. I got some really great news today, but I'm struggling in the worst ways. I don't want to bug my girl or my family with this; they've dealt with it all enough. It is just entirely beyond me at the moment as to how I'm supposed to give up on the life I was supposed to have for what it's supposed to be now. _

She read the post over several times and then shook her head and stood. She walked over to her desk and picked up her phone and then tucked it into her pocket before grabbing her duffel bag from where it laid in front of her dresser. She picked it up and pulled open her drawers, stuffing clothes into the bag before she went over to her closet and pulled out a few pairs of shorts and a couple of tank tops and stuffed them in the bag as well.

After a minute, she had everything she needed, and she headed out of her room, down the steps and into the kitchen. She grabbed her keys from the fridge and then walked out of the house and locked the door.

She walked over to her car, tossed her bag in the passenger seat, and then got in and started the car. With little patience, she pulled her seatbelt on and backed out of the driveway at the same time. She kept the radio off, knowing that it would be littered with talk about the trial ending.

It took all of her attention to keep from flooring the gas and getting herself a speeding ticket as she made her way to the highway and drove to Philadelphia. She would've taken the backstreets under different circumstances, but she'd avoided them since Grady had raped her.

Fortunately, it was late enough into the evening that the highway wasn't clogged with drivers, and she managed to get to Ezra's apartment building after a little more than twenty minutes. She pulled into the parking garage and then grabbed her bag and headed into the elevator. She took it up to the fifth floor, where Ezra's apartment was, and then scampered down the hall to his apartment.

She didn't even bother to knock before letting herself in. She tossed her bag on the floor and looked down the hall before looking back towards the sitting room. She barely spotted Ezra sitting on the floor in front of the couch, but the black hair was hard to miss.

Aria pushed the door shut behind her and then walked over to Ezra and sat down beside him. "Why didn't you tell me that being alone wasn't going to be okay?"

He shook his head, throwing a piece of plastic across the room. "I've taken enough of your time in the last few months, making you worry about me. Making my parents worry about me."

Aria wrapped her arms around him and rested her chin on his shoulder. "Ezra, I love you. And your parents are **supposed** to care and be worried. _I'd_ be worried if they weren't!"

She looked down at his hands as he was turning something between his fingers and realized it was a razor. She gulped.

"I'm never going to be that guy that you thought I was when we met. I'm never going to be that put together, or that worthy. I wasn't worth that much before, but after everything he did…"

Aria rested her head against his and swallowed against the knot in her throat, reaching out slowly to wrap her left hand around his. She slowly eased her fingers over his and then wrapped them around the blade.

"Ezra, you are **so **worth, _so_ much. You are the strongest person I've ever met, and the most amazing, trusting, forgiving, most wonderful man I have ever met," she cried. She gently pulled the thin blade from between his fingers as he turned to look at her. "And you're worth so much more than letting him win by doing this to yourself again."

"You deserve better-"

Aria shook her head, putting the razor down on the coffee table out of his reach before she turned and faced him again, wrapping her hands around his neck and resting them at the base of his skull. "There _isn't _anyone better. I love you so much."

Ezra stared at her for a long minute. His whole body trembled as he let out a long breath. "Just don't leave."

Aria nodded, moving her hands off of his neck. She wrapped her arms around him and curled up against him. "Just promise me you'll see someone. _Please._You can't keep doing this to yourself."

He was quiet again, but she waited for his answer, and when it finally came, it was almost to soft to hear, but the 'okay' that lingered in the whisper that slipped through his lips was enough for her to hang on to. She sung softly as she stared out the Philadelphia skyline with him.

"_So when you find  
><em>_You're spending your time  
><em>_Wanting for words  
><em>_But never speak  
><em>_You tell yourself that the things you need come slow  
><em>_But inside you just don't know_

_My, my, my,  
><em>_How your bright light shines  
><em>_Let your words live on  
><em>_Far beyond this life  
><em>_Does your wild, wild heart  
><em>_Weigh you down sometimes  
><em>_Well my, my, my  
><em>_It ain't the cost of living this life…"_


	24. Please Don't Leave Quite Yet

**A/N: **Picks up where 23 left off. **Also**, the reason I'm updating this twice in one day is because 1) I finished the story about a week ago, and I'm just waiting on one last person to answer me back about her proof-reading before it's done and over with for good. 2) I don't know when I'll be able to update again because I have company coming in 2 weeks and there's family and blah blah. 3) because I really need to get started on the prequel.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Pretty Little Liars, blah blah blah, ABC Family, Sara Shepard, and Marlene King do, among many others. No affiliation, no monetary gain from any of this. All I get is the satisfaction of these crazy ideas out of my head, and putting in all those hours of perfecting my craft. Besides, if I **DID** own PLL, as I said on twitter tonight (sailorninja26 ya'll ;)), the show would be 40 minutes of Ezria and 3 minutes of everyone else.

ALSO: I don't own the lyrics to Crawl. That song is owned by Alexz Johnson, Brendan Johnson, and Laydee Spencer Music Inc. (Cause I'm _fancy_ like that :P) I do however, own the poem at the end. (And if we want to get real technical, I don't own PDLQY either…)

I do however, own Wesley and Abuella, the stuffed ducks I'm going to curl up with momentarily and go to sleep with! ;) And just because these lines are stuck in my head, I'm going to leave you with them before I go (Both from season 2 of the OC, I might add. Such an enigmatic show that defined my early teen years. Ended too soon ):

1. _Now Oats, if he touches you anywhere funny, and I mean (whispers incoherently), you let me know. _

2. _I'm Pippins McGee. Pleased to meet you. _

_Chapter 24_

_Please Don't Leave Quite Yet_

Ezra exhaled a shaky breath and then pushed up from where they were sitting on the floor. "I have to call my mom."

Aria looked up at him and nodded. She watched his line of vision as it fell to the coffee table, and reached out and grabbed the razor blade from it before he asked her to. She could tell that he was struggling with what to do.

"You're calling her about a therapist?" She asked as she moved up onto the couch.

Ezra shook his head, walking over to the counter. His hands shook as he looked around the room while grabbing his phone from the counter. There were far too many sharp implements In the kitchenette that he could use to hurt himself. He picked up his phone and scrolled through the contacts until he found Anne's number. He tapped the screen and then turned and walked back to the couch and sat down next to Aria.

The phone clicked over a moment later as Aria rested her legs across Ezra's lap. The move that normally would've been something done out of comfort was done this time to keep him seated. She rubbed her hand soothingly on the base of his neck.

"_Hey kiddo," _Anne said on the other end. _"I thought you'd be asleep by now." _

"No," Ezra replied. "I know it's late, but can you drive out here right now?"

"_Anything for you, hon. Give me about twenty minutes and I'll be there." _ She paused for a moment and then spoke again. _"Everything alright?" _

"No," he replied again. "I need your help."

"_Alright," _she said. _"Just sit tight." _

The phone call ended a moment later, and he placed the phone on the couch next to him. He looked up at Aria. "You get rid of the razor?"

Aria nodded.

"In the trash?" He asked.

Aria shook her head. "Don't worry. I didn't put it anywhere you can find it."

Ezra pushed the palms of his hands over his eyes until he was seeing stars and shook his head. "I can't. I can't do this. I can't handle this-"

Aria pulled his hands down. "You **can**. He's never going to see you again. He's going to be in jail for _years_."

"It **doesn't** matter," Ezra argued. "He's already done enough damage! You can't _**fix**_ what he's done!"

"You're **not**damaged," Ezra." She insisted. "You're not. What he did is on him!"

"But he still did it," Ezra said. "And no amount of time is going to change that."

Aria shook her head at him, pressing her lips together. "I know what you're doing. And I'm not giving you back the razor. I'm not letting you up to find something else, either. I know as well as you do the reason you called your mother is because you don't really want to do this."

"I don't know **what** I want!" He yelled, moving her legs off his lap. He stood up and turned to walk towards the kitchenette, but stopped before he actually walked into the room. He clenched his fists tightly at his sides.

"Ezra-"

"Stop!" He yelled, turning around to face her. "There's nothing you can **possibly **say that's going to change what's running through my head right now!"

"I understand-"

He cut her off again, shaking his head furiously. "Which makes you **JUST **as damaged as me!"

Aria stared at him. Her mouth was ajar, and she had no idea what to say to him, or if she could even come up with the right words. She knew what he said was meant to cut her on purpose, but that didn't change the fact that the words had still come out of his mouth, and that it hurt worse than anything she'd thought on her own about herself.

She continued to stand there for several minutes, still struggling to find the right words to speak. Ezra hadn't say anything either, but he was still seething.

He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass out of the drying rack and then threw it against the wall. He walked over to the broken pieces and grabbed one from the floor. It was a larger piece with a sharp point and edges. He squeezed it in his hand and then pushed it down into his right arm.

Even with words evading her, Aria knew well enough to stop him. She dashed across the room and grabbed his left hand, trying to pull the glass from his hand. It cut into her own, and they tugged back and forth for a moment before the glass fell to the floor.

"What the hell are you doing?!" She screamed at him.

Ezra glared back at her as she reached over and grabbed a towel from the oven handle. She wrapped it around his arm, ignoring the cuts on her own fingers as she pressed it into the moderately deep wound. She wasn't sure how badly he'd cut himself, but it was definitely in need of stitches.

The door opened a few feet away and Ezra looked up, but Aria kept her eyes on Ezra. She was afraid if she took her attention off of him that he might do something rash.

Dr. Sullivan walked into the room and looked between Aria and Ezra as she walked over to them. "What happened?"

Aria and Ezra both stayed silent, though her attention was drawn down to his arm as blood seeped through the towel and began to run over her fingers. Dr. Sullivan walked over to them and took Ezra's arm from Aria's grip and gently lifted the towel. Blood quickly flooded the open wound and ran over the side of his arm.

"Alright, we need to go to the hospital," she said.

"I need to be put on suicide watch," Ezra said gruffly. Dr. Sullivan stared at him for several long moments before nodding and wrapping the towel around his arm again. "Alright. I'll call Temple University."

"What can I do?" Aria asked.

Dr. Sullivan looked down at her, and noticed the cuts. "You should go to the hospital; make sure you don't need stitches yourself." She opened a drawer under the counter and pulled out a fresh towel before turning back to Aria. "Go into his room and throw some clothes into a bag. Sweats – but nothing with strings. Just enough for a few days."

Aria nodded. She turned and walked down the hall to Ezra's bedroom. She walked over to the closet and then grabbed an over-night bag before grabbing some clothes off the shelves. She walked back out into the bedroom and opened his drawers and pulled out a few t-shirts and pairs of boxers before she walked back down the hall to the kitchen. Dr. Sullivan had rewrapped Ezra's arm with a fresh towel and was stuffing her phone into her pocket.

"I've got the clothes," she said quietly.

Dr. Sullivan nodded, handing Aria a towel for her arm. "I called your parents. They'll meet us at the hospital. Let's go."

Aria followed Dr. Sullivan and Ezra out of the apartment. She locked the doors and then continued following them through the building, down the hall and into the elevator. Once they were in the parking garage, Aria followed them to Dr. Sullivan's car and got into the back seat. Nothing was said as they headed out onto the streets and drove towards the hospital.

When they arrived, Aria followed them into the hospital, though she hung back once they'd gone in to check in herself. She noticed Ezra trying to catch her attention, but she stayed far enough away that she didn't have to look up at him. She hadn't looked him in the eyes since they'd been at his apartment.

_-  
>Can anybody hear me crying for help me<br>__Like a new born baby I can only dream  
>-<em>

Aria watched as the doctor in front of her wiped gently at the stitches in her arm. It was a small wound with only four stitches, and except for the cut on her left palm, there were only superficial cuts on her hands.

"Aria!"

She looked up as Ella walked into the exam room. She walked over to the Aria and the doctor. "Is my daughter going to be alright?"

The woman wrapping Aria's arm up looked up at Ella. "Yes. The wounds weren't terribly deep so her stitches should e removed in a week or two. I'll give her a light pain reliever, but she'll be fine."

She stood from the stool she was seated on and removed her gloves before walking over to the hazardous waste bin and tossing them away. "I'll get her a script. I'll be right back."

Ella nodded and then turned back to Aria. "I don't want you seeing Ezra anymore."

"Mom! He-"

Ella glared back at her, crossing her arms over her chest. "No, Aria! It's not forever, but _this_ isn't okay! He's **clearly**in need of serious help!"

Aria gaped at her mother. "How unfair is that!? No one split us up when I was having a meltdown!"

Ella glared back at Aria. "Aria, you didn't hurt someone!"

"No, I just cut myself!" She argued back. "He came here to be put on suicide watch, mom! He was gonna kill himself before I showed up at the apartment tonight. And sure, what he did was wrong and unfair, but he needs help. Not to be abandoned."

"Aria-"

Aria shook her head, biting her lips to keep from crying. "He hurt me, yes. He said things that he knew would hurt my feelings and he fought me with the glass because he **knew **I'd stop him. Just like if I hadn't put the razor in my pocket, he would've used that." She shook her head, pulling the blade out of her pocket and handing it to Ella. "He doesn't deserve to be abandoned."

"You two still need to take time apart," Ella said. "**This **is not alright."

"Agreed."

Aria and her mother both looked up as Dr. Sullivan walked in the room. She tucked her hands into the blazer she was wearing.

"Ezra-"

"Ezra is on lockdown for the next forty-eight hours. It basically means that until Friday morning, he isn't allowed any visitors, so that the doctors can assess whether he has more problems than just being suicidal."

"Can I see him before we leave?" Aria asked.

Dr. Sullivan shook her head. "They took his straight back after he had stitches and gave him something to sleep. And from my best guess, tonight he probably snowballed. He's been under a lot of stress in the last few months, hasn't slept well since this all started coming apart, and lack of sleep, combined with stress-"

"Can really screw someone up," Aria finished for her.

Dr. Sullivan nodded, turning her attention to Ella. "Look, Ezra has **never** done something like this. Even when he nearly killed himself last year, it wasn't like this. He needs genuine help."

"Then how do you explain him fighting with my daughter over a sharpened piece of glass?" Ella asked.

"He had a clear dichotomy between what he wanted to do and what he **knew **he should do. That's why he was fighting you. He wanted to do what was right, but his emotions were running haywire from everything that's happened, and he lost it. In other cases I've seen like this, he'll probably sleep for thirty or forty hours, wake up and realize he screwed up."

"So?" Aria asked.

"So go home," Dr. Sullivan said. "When he's allowed visitors, I'll call you."

Aria huffed and hopped down off the counter. She held her arm close to her body as the doctor who had applied her stitches returned to the room and handed her mother a prescription along with paperwork on how to treat stitches. They walked out of the room and headed out of the hospital. Aria convinced her mother to drive her back to Ezra's apartment building so she could get her car.

The drive back was as quiet as the drive to the hospital had been. She was angry with her mother and she didn't have any interest in saying anything to her.

When they arrived at the apartment building, Aria grabbed her keys and walked into the building. She took the elevator to the parking garage and then walked to her car. She got in and started it and then headed out of the garage and onto the main street. Ella had already left. She had half a mind to call Spencer and ask if she could spend the night, but she didn't want to impose if Spencer was at Melissa's, so she headed back to Rosewood instead.

When she arrived back at her parents house, she ignored them and headed straight up to her room. She locked the door behind her and went through the process of changing her clothes and then walked over to her bed. She grabbed a pillow next to her and squeezed it in her hands before bringing it up to her mouth. She screamed as loud and as long as she could, and when she ran out of breath, she paused long enough to take a few deep breaths before screaming again.

She leaned back against her wall, wrought with exhaustion twenty minutes later. She was angry at Ezra, angry at her parents, and angry at the entire situation all at the same time. Things were supposed to start getting better, but somehow they felt like they were just getting worse.

_-  
>Goodbye's on the tip of my tongue<br>-_

Ezra groaned as he lifted his head up off of the pillow under him. He blinked a few times and looked around the room. The last thing he remembered was arguing with Aria in his apartment, but he had no clue where he was.

He yawned and pushed up off the bed, looking around the room. There was a window to his right with bars across the outside, an open wood locker across the room by the wall, and a nightstand next to him. Logic told him that he was in a hospital, but his memory was taking too long to catch up with the current situation.

He moved off the bed and walked over to the door. He pushed the button to open the sliding glass door and then walked out into the corridor and looked around. There were several doors both to his right and left and across the hallway. They were all shut and, he assumed, locked.

Midway down the hall was a doorway without an actual door on it. He walked over to it and peered inside the room curiously. A doctor in a lab coat and someone dressed in a business casual outfit were seated at a large table a few feet away. The one dressed in casual clothing looked up at Ezra and smiled. He had dark brown hair and muddy brown eyes.

"Ah, Mr. Fitz. You're awake."

"How did I get here?" Ezra asked gruffly. His voice was rough from sleep and lack of use. "And what day is it?"

The other man stood from the table and shook hands with the man he'd been sitting across from. The doctor go up and walked out of the room.

"It's Friday morning; extremely early. You've been asleep for about fifty-five hours." He extended his hand to Ezra. "I'm Adam Parker."

Ezra cringed.

Adam nodded, looking down at the stack of files on the table. "I've spoken with your mother. Feel free to call me Parker. Most people do."

Ezra nodded slowly. "So how did I get here?"

"You came in on suicide watch Tuesday evening," Parker replied. "Checked yourself in. You explained that you'd been through some trauma in the past few months and it was clear that you were extremely exhausted. We gave you something to sleep. You've been out since."

Ezra nodded slowly, looking around the room nervously.

Parker flipped the file on the table shut. "Why don't you change into some fresh clothes? I'll get the kitchen to bring you up something. Craving anything specific?"

Ezra shrugged. "Bacon."

Parker laughed. "I'm sure they've got some of that. I'll be back."

Ezra walked out of the room after Parker and back over to the room he'd been in. He walked over to the locker across the room and knelt down in front of it. He dug through what Aria had picked out for him and grabbed a pair of grey jogging pants and a black t-shirt, and a fresh pair boxers.

He walked over to the door and then turned left to the small bathroom. He settled the fresh clothes on the sink and then stripped off the clothes he'd been wearing the last three days and tossed them to the floor. He removed the bandages from his hands and arm and then got into the shower. He'd mastered washing up with only one arm inside the actual shower.

He quickly washed up and then got out of the shower and grabbed one of the towels that had been left in the room since he'd checked in and dried off with it before he squirmed into his clothing. By the time he exited the room, the clock on the wall said it was quarter to four AM.

He walked out of his room, back into what assumed was the common room, and was met by Parker, who pushed a tray of food across the table. It was loaded with eggs, bacon, and toast.

Ezra walked over to the table warily and sat down across from Parker. He picked up a piece of bacon off the plate and munched on it.

"How long am I here for?" Ezra asked.

"Legally, we put anyone who checks in under suicide watch under a mandatory seventy-two hour hold. You've been here already for more than forty-eight hours. However, we would like to assess you situation long enough to figure out if you need further inpatient treatment. When we're sure that you're safe enough to go home, we'll release you." He explained.

"So when am I going to see a therapist?" Ezra asked.

Parker looked down at the watch. "I **am** a therapist. When you woke up, I was speaking with the psychiatrist on call about your medication regimen. We understand that they haven't worked for you in the past and that you're not fond of them, so we're looking into some alternatives. In the meantime, we'd like to keep you on medication for sleep."

"Okay," Ezra murmured. "What else?"

Parker folded his hands on the table. "Why don't you eat breakfast, and then we can go down to my office and start talking."

Ezra stared at him nervously for a moment, and then began to eat the food in front of him. He made his way half-way through it before he was too full to finish. When he was finished, he pushed the tray across the table and then followed Parker out of the common room, down the hall to his office.

"Don't therapists work normal hours?" Ezra asked curiously.

"We get paid more to work odd hours," Parker said with a laugh. Ezra wasn't sure if he was serious or not.

He walked over to a rocking chair a few feet across from the large chair that Parker sat down on.

"Where do you want to start?" Ezra asked.

Parker flipped through Ezra's thin file for a moment, and then looked back up at Ezra. "What was your derision to therapy last year?"

Ezra shrugged, leaning back in the rocking chair. "I didn't want to talk about what had happened. We weren't getting anywhere."

"But that changed when?" Parker asked. His brow was knit in determination.

Ezra shrugged. "I don't know. When I started feeling like I was losing my mind, I guess."

"You felt like you were losing your mind? How so?"

Ezra sighed, shaking his head. "I wasn't sleeping most nights, and on the rare case that I did, I was screaming until someone woke me up, covered in sweat. The three or four times I've managed to actually rest through the night, it was because I was so physically exhausted that I just shut down."

"Is that what you did when you were asked about the attacks?" Parker asked. "Shut down?"

"I guess," Ezra murmured.

Parker nodded. "It's my best guess that your last therapist was trying to push you to talk about what you'd been through to deal. I'd like to be clear when I say that I don't want to move forward with this unless you're sure you're ready, and I'll never ask you to talk about things you're not comfortable with. Whatever we discuss is your choice."

"Okay," Ezra muttered nervously.

Parker tossed Ezra's file on the small table between them and smiled, leaning back in his chair. "So let's talk."

Ezra pulled his legs up into the chair and looked out the window. "I'm pretty sure my girlfriend is never going to speak to me again. I called her damaged and then cut her with glass."

"You snowballed," Parker said. "Lack of sleep coupled with about half a dozen other issues led to your emotional response. When someone is stressed and emotionally wrought, things are said and done that we end up regretting. I may have only met you an hour ago, but from what I've been told, read in your file, and witnessed myself, something tells me you're not the kind of person that says vicious things just to hurt someone. I also understand that your girlfriend recently went through a similar situation."

Ezra nodded grimly. "She was raped by a friend. He's in jail now. She's seeing a therapist."

"Did her issues exacerbate yours?" Parker asked.

"I guess," Ezra murmured. "I didn't want to affect her, though."

Parker nodded. "So you attempted to bury your problems, and instead ended up drowning in them."

Ezra shrugged. "It's worked before."

Parker nodded. "It always works when you're running away."

_-  
>Don't let the storm slow you down<br>__No, honey, don't let the storm run us down  
>-<em>

Aria leaned back against the wall, arms crossed over her body. She'd come straight from Hollis, though she hadn't paid much attention to her classes or her work in the last few days. As angry as she still was, there wasn't anything she'd wanted more than to see Ezra when she'd been told he was awake and allowed to have visitors.

"Aria Montgomery?"

She looked up at the female doctor standing in the doorway of the double-doors that led to psych. She was short; about the same height as Aria, with shoulder-length brown hair and crystal blue eyes. "Yeah."

The woman smiled at her and stepped out of the way. "Follow me."

Aria walked after her, still keeping her arms crossed over her body. They walked into the department and then Aria followed her down to the common room. Ezra wasn't there.

"Adam?" The doctor asked. He looked up at her.

"Yep?"

"Where's Ezra?"

"Sleeping," he replied. "His room."

"Where's his room?" Aria asked, stepping around the female doctor.

"804," Adam replied. "Across the hall, two doors down."

Aria walked out of the room and crossed the hall. She walked over to the room and took a few steps inside. Ezra was attempting to shift his arm just the slightest in his cast to relieve itching. He looked up at her when he heard the footsteps coming through the doorway. He gulped, looking at her.

"Hey."

Aria attempted a small smile. "Hey. How are you?"

Ezra shrugged, scrunching his nose as he looked back down at his cast, still trying gain some relief. "Well rested, I guess. They said I slept for like fifty some hours." He looked up at her after a moment. "How're you?"

Aria shrugged. "Okay. Haven't really been able to focus on my classes the last few days."

Ezra sighed, giving up hope on finding any relief with the itching under his cast. He pressed his hands into his knees as he pushed up to his feet. "Yeah. We didn't really leave off on a good note."

Aria laughed, shaking her head. "That's putting it lightly."

"I'm sorry," Ezra said quickly, though it was honest. "I should've have called you damaged. That's not how I see you. I was just…" He shook his head, looking down at the floor. "I was a lot of things. Disrespectful being the most prominent."

Aria nodded. "I didn't know what I was supposed to say to you after we fought."

"I know," Ezra replied. "I knew you were upset with me when you wouldn't look at me the other night. I'm not sure I would've been able to say the right thing as it was, though."

Aria chewed on her bottom lip as she stared down at the floor. "What you said **did **hurt. I wondered for weeks if you saw me the same way you saw yourself, and-"

"I **don't**," Ezra said, walking over to her. He placed his hands on the outsides of her upper arms and tilted his head to the side as she looked up at him. "I do **not **think you're damaged. I think you're extremely strong. I think that if anything, you have every right to walk out of this room because what I said would be a deal breaker in any other situation."

Aria pressed her lips together as she looked up at him. She considered her next words for a few moments before she moved his hands down off her arms. "In any other situation." She slipped her hands into his. "But those situations aren't this one." She took a deep breath and gave a half-smile. "I'm not saying what happened was okay, but I'm willing to work on it."

"That's all I'm asking," Ezra replied.

-  
><em>And I'd tell you that I miss you but I'm sure<br>It doesn't matter at all  
>-<em>

Aria sat down at the piano, running her hands down the sides of her shorts. She'd just come from the hospital to find the house empty, as it usually was. She had never really been aware before this summer, of just how much she and her family spent their time in other places during the summer, or even really during the school year. Now she was almost always alone when she was at home, and while it could be occasionally comforting, it mostly left her feeling like no one really cared.

Ezra was supposed to be in the hospital for at least one more day, but there wasn't any particular day determined for him to be released, which only furthered her feeling of loneliness. She'd agreed to meet Holden for a pizza across town, but she had half an hour of time to burn up before then.

She placed her hands on the keys and began to play.

"_before you've been there before  
><em>_You've opened the door  
><em>_You feel like the hurricane's done  
><em>_But it's just begun_

_You left me holding  
><em>_I'm not even coping  
><em>_Where'd you go  
><em>_Where'd you go_

_Just while I'm hoping  
><em>_My walls are closing  
><em>_Where'd you go  
><em>_Where'd you go_

_Do you ever wonder why you need someone to call  
><em>_When you're lying on that cold floor losing it all  
><em>_Could you ever just agree to how you treated me  
><em>_I'm worth more than that cold floor where you wanted me to be  
><em>_And with it all you begin to crawl…"_

She pulled her hands down off the keys, reaching up to wipe the tears from her face. She reached out and grabbed her journal off the top of the piano and turned it open, looking at the words she'd written the night before.

_starting to see the pieces fall  
><em>_like snow on an ice cold ground  
><em>_or teardrops on your face  
><em>_and nothing ever wipes it away_

_I remember when it wasn't so long ago  
><em>_and now I just feel like a lovesick fool  
><em>_because I can't have that back  
><em>

_where'd I go, where'd I stand  
><em>_where'd I fall, and where'd I land  
><em>_I can't see any of it behind this glass_

_reach to the sky with water running down  
><em>_waves smacking me back to the ground  
><em>_can't stand, can't touch  
><em>_can't even feel  
><em>_wiped away everything he could steal_

_I remember when I knew who I was  
><em>_and now I'm just a damaged dove  
><em>_because I can't have that back_

_where'd I go, where'd I stand  
><em>_where'd I fall, and where'd I land  
><em>_I can't see any of it under this mess_

_unbroken isn't real,  
><em>_damaged is what sticks  
><em>_pain is forever  
><em>_and love and war are my best friends_

_this is where I go, but I don't stand  
><em>_cause when I fell, this is where I landed_

_I can't see anything under this blood-stained dress  
><em>_broken under everything I ever was  
><em>_goodbye to all I've ever been  
><em>_and all I ever wished for us_


	25. Shatter Every Window Till It's All Blown

_Chapter 25_

_Shatter Every Window Till It's All Blown Away_

Aria stared down at her hands, avoiding saying anything to her therapist. It seemed that the closer she got to the beginning of the school year, the more depressed she got. She wasn't sure if it was actually school that was the problem, or everything else.

"You're very quiet this week," Dr. Michaels observed after a few minutes. "Any reason particular?"

Aria shrugged. "Not really. I'm still processing everything with Ezra."

Dr. Michaels nodded. "We haven't talked much about that. Would you like to?"

Aria shook her head, looking up at the window. It had been raining and storming through the final days of July, and the sky was a dull gray. It didn't do much to affect the heat, though. "It was stupid. He apologized."

Dr. Michaels folded her hands in her lap. "Sometimes apologizing doesn't make things better, though. It sounds okay at the time because you don't want to fight, but when you have time to think about it all, it doesn't feel any better."

"So how do we fix it?" Aria asked.

"I'd like to get in touch with Ezra's therapist and arrange a joint session. He's a friend and I've consulted with him on other cases." Dr. Michaels explained.

"Okay." Aria said nervously. "How would that work?"

"We would set up a designated appointment time for the four of us to meet, and instead of talking about what's bothering you or him, we'll discuss what's causing the strain in your relationship, and how what you've both been through has affected it."

"But…" Aria chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. "What about the age difference?"

Dr. Michaels exhaled a deep breath, that Aria was sure meant something bad. "Legally, I don't know anything that's happening to have to involve the police. You're not endangering yourself or anyone else, and Ezra isn't either. Unless that were to change for some reason, I have no reason to call the police."

"Okay," Aria murmured.

Dr. Michaels pushed up from her chair and walked over to her desk. She flipped through an appointment book and then stopped. "I've got some open time in three days. I'll call Adam and see if he's got anything open at the same times." She looked back up at Aria. "In the meantime, I want you to keep journaling. Even if it's bad. It's better to get those emotions out than to let them stay buried inside."

Aria nodded, pushing up off the couch. She brushed her hands down the pleated jean skirt she was wearing and grabbed her bag from the couch. She walked out of the room a few moments later and then headed out from the building. Once she was outside, she jiggled her keys in her hand, looking around. The heat was hot and sticky. She'd only started letting herself wearing the occasional mini skirt since Grady's trial, and even then, she felt uncomfortable any time someone touched one of her legs.

She walked over to her car and got into it before starting it and pulling her seatbelt on. She pulled out of the parking space and then drove out of the lot and into the city. There were a lot of places she could think of that she could go instead of going home, but all of them ended in her ending up back at home anyway, which was really the last place she wanted to be.

She drove through the city for a while before eventually driving across town and pulling up in front of Holden's house. She had seen him a few times since the night at Alison's grave, but he, like everyone else, had a life to live. He had places to go, people to see, and things to do. And since he'd lived out of the country for over a year, he had family to visit that he hadn't seen since before leaving.

She got out of her car and walked up to the house. She knocked twice on the door and then ducked under the small overhang next to it. It was beginning to drizzle, and she didn't want to gt wet.

The door opened a moment later, and Holden smiled at her. "Hey, Aria!"

She attempted a smile back at him. "Hey. Are you doing anything right now?"

He shrugged. "Watching baseball. Come on in."

Aria stepped past him and walked inside the house. The screen door slammed shut behind her and she jumped momentarily before closing the main door behind her as well. She followed Holden down the hall to the family room. He walked over to the end of the couch furthest away from the doorway, while Aria took the end closest to it, leaving a cushion between them.

"How've you been?" Aria asked after a few moments.

Holden shrugged, grabbing a chip out of a bowl on the table and munching on it. "Bored the past few days. We're flying to Seattle the day after tomorrow to go visit my mom's sister and her family, and then driving down the coast and spending most of August in California. Yippee."

Aria chuckled. "What's wrong with California?"

Holden shrugged again, looking over at her. "Not much, if you're a teenage girl." He paused and then looked over at her and smirked. "Hey! How about you go and shop all the west coast stores and hang out at the beach, and **I'll **stay here and have fun!"

Aria laughed, shaking her head. "We're going to Spain when Mike gets home from camp, so that we can spend three weeks on the beach in Barcelona."

Holden laughed. "Planning to come back the same color as Oprah?"

Aria shook her head, rolling her eyes. "You know I'm not a beach bunny. That was always Alison's thing. I just tagged along so that she wouldn't yell at me for not joining them later."

"Sometimes I wondered how you girls could stand her," Holden commented.

Aria rolled her eyes again, shaking her head in disregard. "She was Alison. Hanna used to say that she could make you feel really special when she wanted to. And she could."

"Yeah," Holden agreed. "But she could also make you feel like gum on the bottom of her shoe whenever she wanted. That couldn't possibly have been fun."

Aria shrugged. "She did a lot of cruel things, but Alison's brutal honesty wasn't always a bad thing. And she did a lot of other things for us too. As much as I might want to hate her for the things that she did that were bad, she did some good things too."

"What if she were here today though," Holden asked. "What if she was still alive and she knew about you and Ezra, and she said bad things about him? Or what if she told you that you asked for Grady to hurt you?"

Aria laughed sadly. "If Alison were alive, there wouldn't be Ezra, because knowing her and how she was with Ian, she would've made a play for him the minute she saw him, regardless of how I felt about him. And either she would say that I deserved what Grady did and we'd never speak again, or she'd find a way to permanently hurt him."

"Best friend or worst enemy," Holden inferred.

"Pretty much," Aria murmured.

_-  
>You asked me how long I'd stay by your side<br>__So I answered with only just one reply  
>-<em>

Aria slammed her textbook shut and looked up at Ezra as he walked out of the kitchen carrying a tray. Her parents were busy as usual, so rather than spending the evening at home alone, she'd opted to hang out at his apartment instead. Even though it was still awkward between them, she preferred the awkwardness to being alone.

He settled the tray on the table and moved a glass of iced tea off of it and handed it to her. She took it gratefully from him and took a long drink from it.

"So good," she murmured, taking several gulps of it.

Ezra chuckled, grabbing his glass of the tray as well as he moved a bowl of hummus onto the table and then placed a second, larger bowl beside it, filled with scoop chips. "Do you remember last October when we got that heat wave, and we holed up in my apartment that first Saturday-"

"We drank iced tea all day because it was all you had," Aria giggled, taking another drink from her tea. Ezra had placed a lemon slice inside of it for her, just the way she liked it.

"I hadn't had the chance to go shopping yet," he defended casually, though he laughed too as he sat down.

Aria nodded, smiling as she turned from looking at him to the windows facing out to the city. "That heat didn't really have any chance of competing with how ridiculously hot it is right now, but that was a good day."

Ezra nodded as well. "Yeah, it was. That was one of the first days in a long time that I didn't find myself wanting to live inside a bottle."

"I thought you didn't like alcohol because of your dad," Aria asked as she scooped hummus with a chip and then popped it into her mouth.

"You would be right about that," Ezra said, Except that there was a time last summer when it was very easy to crawl inside a bottle and stay there for a few days. It was towards the end when I moved back to Rosewood. I stopped before I let it get too far because every time I **did**drink, it reminded me of what my dad had said to me that night on the phone, and I couldn't keep doing it. But it was still hard there for a while."

"And here I thought all I helped you get over was Jackie," Aria said lightly.

Ezra shook his head, reaching up to wipe a bit of hummus from the corner of her mouth. "Aria, you helped me get through things a **lot**worse than breaking up with Jackie just by being there."

"Like what?" She asked too quickly to realize what she was actually asking. She paused for a moment and then spoke again. "I mean, if you don't mind talking about it."

"No," Ezra said, shaking his head. "Like, do you remember the morning before our first real date? You were teasing me about the tie from across the quad?"

Aria nodded, blushing slightly as the corners of her mouth pulled up into a smile.

"I had a hard time sleeping the night before and had a lot of nightmares, and when I got to work that morning, I was really glum, but then I saw you and you did that motion of tightening a tie, and I laughed, and it made everything better, because I knew that I was going to get to spend my evening with you, and that was the best possible thing that could happen." He explained.

Aria's cheeks reddened even more, though she couldn't help but smile. "After you told me everything, sometimes I wondered, and still do sometimes, if I just made everything worse."

Ezra pressed his lips together for a moment and then reached out and grabbed her hands gently in his. "You have never made things worse by being here with me. If anything you made them better. And honestly, I think if anyone else had been here with me last week, I wouldn't still be alive. No one else would've been able to stop me."

Aria chewed on the inside of her bottom lip for a few moments as she bounced her feet against the floor. Tears peaked at the corners of her eyes. "It helps, hearing you say that. Cause I just thought I made it worse."

Ezra shook his head, letting go of her hands and reaching up to cup her face. "No. You kept me from doing something really stupid."

She took a deep breath and then reached over and grabbed her bag from beside the couch and began to rummage through it for her journal. "I wrote you something a while back. I was waiting for a time when…" She paused, looking up at him. She shrugged. "You know, I want to say a time when things were better, but honestly, I think I just wanted it to feel right."

"Okay," Ezra said curiously. "What is it?"

Aria finally pulled her journal free from her bag and then stood and walked over to his piano. His mother had had it moved after he'd been released from the hospital. As she sat down, she looked over at him, her brow knit in confusion.

"I thought you said you weren't supposed to live alone after getting released from the hospital." She questioned.

Ezra nodded. "I'm not."

"So?" She asked.

"I'm not," he said again.

Her brow furrowed further in confusion. Ezra chuckled.

"Hardy's moving in," he said. "He's taking that back room. Apparently he's been on a hunt for a new place to live since he broke up with the girl he was dating before he started seeing Jackie." He shuddered slightly as he said Jackie's name. The idea of those two dating still made he and Aria weird-feeling. "Anyway, what is it you've got for me."

She turned her attention back to the piano, lifting the cover up. "It's a song." She placed her hands on the keys and pushed on a few of them before she began to play.

"_I never meant to wither  
><em>_I wanted to be tall  
><em>_Like a fool left the river  
><em>_And watched my branches fall_

_Old and thirsty, I longed for the flood  
><em>_To come back around  
><em>_To the cactus in the valley  
><em>_That's about to crumble down_

_And wipe the mark of sadness from my face  
><em>_Show me that your love will never change  
><em>_If my yesterday is a disgrace  
><em>_Tell me that you still recall my name…"_

Ezra stood from his seat on the couch and walked over to the piano, leaning down over it as she played. She looked up at him and smiled as she proceeded into the second verse.

"_So, the storm finally found me  
><em>_And left me in the dark  
><em>_In the cloud around me  
><em>_I don't know where you are  
><em>_If this whole world goes up in arms  
><em>_All I can do is stand  
><em>_And I won't fight for anyone  
><em>_Until you move my hand_

_And wipe the mark of madness from my face  
><em>_Show me that your love will never change  
><em>_If my yesterday is a disgrace  
><em>_Tell me that you still recall my name…"_

She proceeded into a short piano solo, closing her eyes as she let the music flow through her before going into the bridge.

"_In the shadow  
><em>_Here I am  
><em>_And I need someone by my side  
><em>_You've become so  
><em>_Hard to stand  
><em>_And I keep trying to dry my eyes  
><em>_Come and find me  
><em>_In the valley_

_And wipe the mark of sadness from my face  
><em>_Show me that your love will never change  
><em>_If my yesterday is a disgrace  
><em>_Tell me that you still recall my name_

_And wipe the mark of sadness from my face  
><em>_Show me that your love will never change  
><em>_If my yesterday is a disgrace  
><em>_Tell me that you still recall my name  
><em>_ooh  
><em>_Tell me that you still recall my name, no  
><em>_Tell me that you still recall my name…"_

Aria looked back up at Ezra as she finished the song. He smiled back at her and walked around to the piano, sitting down on the bench next to her.

"That was really beautiful," he murmured. "Thank you."

Aria shrugged, smiling back at him. She turned her head a moment later and looked out the window at the city.

Ezra tinkered his fingers over the keys on the high end of the piano for a few moments before Aria whipped her head back around and looked at him and smiled. "I love that song!"

Ezra nodded, smiling back at her. "It always made me think of you. It was a long time before I realized how suggestive it was with our relationship."

"Switch places with me," she said a moment later. Ezra raised an eyebrow at her, confused before he obliged and moved off the bench so she could scoot over. He walked around the bench and sat down on the other end.

Aria began to push the keys and Ezra pushed the right keys on the low end as she began to sing.

"_If you are a cliff-hanger ending  
><em>_I'm the one that doesn't know anything  
><em>_Like a magpie and a ring  
><em>_I am always going to be looking right to you_

_Oh, you capture my attention  
><em>_Carefully listening,  
><em>_Don't wanna miss a thing  
><em>_Keeping my eyes on you  
><em>_Got me on my toes…."_

She stopped playing a few moments later, but still smiled as the song continuing running through her head. "I used to drive Spencer, Hanna, and Emily **nuts **playing that song. They always used to tell me I needed to find a different song to play when I was thinking of you."

"The song that made me think of you never changed," Ezra replied.

"Happiness?" Aria asked.

Ezra shrugged. "That's a given. But the song that was playing when we were making out in the bathroom."

Aria giggled for a moment. "Reckless One. I haven't heard that one in a while."

Ezra nodded. "Hardy's car broke down in November, and I'd drive him to work, and **every day** he'd threaten to smash the CD if I played that song one more time. Of course, then I countered with threatening to leave him to walk all the way to Hollis, so he stopped saying it."

Aria's smile slowly faded away, and her eyes drifted down to the piano. "A lot's changed in less than a year."

"A lot's changed in _more_ than a year," Ezra muttered quietly under his breath.

_-  
>I checked your phone, cause it was beepin'<br>__Are you alone, I know you're creepin'  
>-<em>

Aria stared out the window of Dr. Michael's office, watching water flood down over the window. The current storm taking place outside was at its peak, and each rumble of thunder was rattling the building with its ferocity. She had shown up a bit early, but yet again it was mostly because she didn't want to be at home alone.

The door opened behind her, and she turned her head as Ezra walked into the room with Dr. Michaels and Adam. Ezra and Adam both were a bit wet from being outside, though Ezra was more so than Adam. Adam was dressed similarly to Ezra, in khaki shorts and a white button-up t-shirt, while Dr. Michaels was in a midnight blue pencil skirt and a powder blue blouse. Aria had opted for high-waisted red shorts and a white t-shirt for the day.

"Why don't we all sit," Dr. Michaels offered as she closed the door to her office. She pulled a chair aside for Adam and then walked over to the air conditioner and turned it down a few levels before returning to her seat.

Aria walked over to Ezra and sat down on the couch next to him. She curled one leg under her as she did so and folded her hands in her lap nervously. She felt out of place, not quite sure how they were supposed to proceed. Dr. Michaels and Adam both got settled as well and then Dr. Michaels spoke.

"Why don't we start with the glaring obvious. How do you both feel about your relationship?"

Aria and Ezra exchanged a look and then looked back at Dr. Michaels, still confused.

Adam scooted forward in his chair, looking up from the legal pad he was writing on. He lifted the hand he was holding his pen in and waved it as he spoke. "Since you argued, how do you feel?"

"We'll alternate," Dr. Michaels said when neither Aria or Ezra said anything still. "Aria why don't you start. And the next question, Ezra can."

Aria shrugged, wringing her hands together. "I don't know. I mean I guess we're okay. I don't really know how to feel. I know he didn't mean what he said, but…he still said it."

Dr. Michaels and Adam both looked up at Ezra. Ezra looked over at Aria sorrowfully. "I feel like she doesn't trust me – or trusts me less than she did before. Like she thinks I actually think the things I said."

"Do you?" Dr. Michaels asked.

Ezra shook his head, looking back at her. "No. I said it because I knew it would make her stop trying to stop me, and part of me didn't want her to. But now it's like no matter what I do or say, it's still hanging there in the air."

"Is that how you feel, Aria?" Adam asked.

Aria shrugged. She cursed the tears already starting to fill her eyes. "I don't **want** to. But it makes me wonder if he wouldn't feel the same way if I told him he deserved what happened to him. Not because I believe that, but because it hurt worse than anything else he's ever said or done."

Ezra turned to look at her. Her confession very clearly had hurt him. "You feel that way?"

She looked up at him, shaking her head. "**No**. But you look at yourself like you don't deserve anything, and the idea that you saw me the same way hurt **so **much. Almost as bad, if not **worse **than knowing that's how you feel about yourself."

"I don't know how to find the worth in things the way you do," he replied, forcing the words past a thick knot in his throat. "I don't know how to look at people I knew before all of this and act as if I can just move on with it all. I know it's because you're trying really hard, but when I look at my parents or Hardy or Jackie, all I see is what isn't there anymore. I see disappointment for what I used to be, and what I never will be."

"But that's not how I see you," she whispered.

"Sorry to cut in here," Adam said, looking up from his legal pad again. "Ezra, do you believe she's telling you the truth when she says that?"

Ezra nodded, looking back at his therapist. "Aria would never say bad things about or **to** someone."

"And what about you, Aria?" Dr. Michaels asked. "Do you think Ezra would really say those things and mean them?"

Aria shook her head, reaching up to wipe the tears out of her eyes. "He's not that kind of person. I guess that's why it was such a shock. He's so passive most of the time, and I'd never really actually seen him get that upset."

Dr. Michaels nodded. "I want you both to do something. I want you each to name three things you admire about each other. You can take turns."

"Right now?" Aria asked.

Dr. Michaels nodded. "And I believe its your turn to start."

Aria glanced up at Ezra quickly. "I admire his strength. He calls me strong, but he's been through worse, and he still gets up and continues to live life every day."

Dr. Michaels and Adam both looked to Ezra. He looked down at Aria.

"I admire that she's willing to do whatever it takes to keep someone when she loves them, even if it means she's going to get hurt." Ezra said.

"I admire that he was willing to do whatever it took to make sure no one in his family got hurt these past few months," Aria continued.

"I admire her ability to try and see good in people, even when everyone else says there isn't any left." Ezra added.

Aria looked up at him and reached over, slipping her fingers inside his. Ezra looked down at their intertwined hands as she named her third thing.

"I admire that he's willing to bury what he's feeling to take care of me and make me feel better."

Ezra gulped, running his thumb over the back of hers, over the blue polish coating her nail. "I admire that she can see things in me that I'm pretty sure haven't been there in more than a year."

_-  
>Two black Cadillac's driving in a slow parade<br>__Headlights shining bright in the middle of the day  
>-<em>

Byron walked into Snookers and raised an eyebrow as he walked over to the bar. Ethan was seated on a stool, twirling a glass of amber liquid on the counter.

"I thought you were in AA," Byron commented as he sat down.

"I am," Ethan replied, continuing to twist the glass. "Just contemplating the current situation."

"Which is?" Byron asked.

Ethan's eyes flitted to the corners for a moment and then back in front of him, down into the liquid inside the glass. "Whether or not I'm going to drink this."

"Why would you want to do that?" Byron asked. "You've finally got your family back. Your kids don't hate you, you helped protect your son from someone who sooner would've killed him-"

"**You** protected my son from someone who sooner would have killed him. All I did was leave him vulnerable to that very same person so that I could go bail my other son out of **jail**. My priorities are _oh so_ clear." Ethan chided.

"You can't really think that lowly of yourself," Byron replied. "You did what you thought was best for both your sons at the time. No one actually thought that he would strike on the last day."

"Still doesn't change the fact that I wasn't there," Ethan said.

Byron opened his mouth to reply, but then stopped as he realized that Ethan didn't mean just that he hadn't been there when Ezra had been attacked at Hollis. He was also referring to the past year before he'd gotten his act together.

"Why would you want to throw away everything you've fought so hard to get back now," Byron asked.

"Because I don't _understand_ how terrifying it is to watch my child **suffer**," Ethan rebuked. "After all that was what you said, wasn't it?"

Byron shook his head. "I shouldn't have said that. I was angry at Ezra for upsetting Aria, and when you wouldn't let me yell at him, **which was the right thing to do**, I took it out on you. But I never should've said that to you."

"Why not?" Ethan questioned. "It's true. I haven't got a single clue as to what it's like to watch my child suffer. I spent years watching other victims suffer, but never once in the last eight years have I done anything to be there for my sons when they were suffering."

"No, but you've been there for them the past few months, and I'm pretty sure that if you do this now, Ezra would never forgive you for it. Your sons love you and respect you. It's clear when you're with them that they're glad to have you back in their lives. But I don't think Ezra would ever let you back into his life if you did this."

"Oh?" Ethan asked. "And what makes you such a genius in the works of my son?"

"Nothing," Byron replied. "But I **have**spent the last year getting to know him, and even though the events of the past few months have changed a few of those views, your son is too passive to tell you that this would hurt him more than anything else you could do or say. He's too nice to tell you all the ways you hurt him, and he's too ashamed to tell you how much it means to him that you've been there since all of this happened."

Ethan whipped his head over to look at Byron. "How the **hell **do you know these things!?"

Byron shrugged. "My daughter talks to her mother. My wife talks to me." He reached out and moved the glass of alcohol away from Ethan. "The way I see it, you've got two choices. You can drink this, I'll walk out of here, and at some point your family will find out about this, and you'll lose both your sons.

"Or, you can walk out that door with me right now, go to an AA meeting, and keep your family for another day."

"And what if I still want to drink after one meeting," Ethan replied.

"Stay for the next meeting," Byron replied. "And the one after that, and the one after that, **and the one after that**. Until you don't feel like going to get a drink anymore."

"What makes you think that will work," Ethan asked.

Byron shrugged again. "I really don't know if it will. But there were a lot of times when I was growing up that I wished my father had done that instead of getting drunk again. And, the way I see it, for as much as my daughter my be able to help your son with everything he's dealing with, he's going to need you and his mother for a while too. You're his parents, and you're the only two people he's going to feel okay running to when every other avenue is exhausted."

Ethan laughed. "My son hasn't trusted me like that since he was five."

"I don't believe that," Byron replied. "But then, I guess it's your choice if you're going to let your conscience beat you into a corner and take you from your family again." He looked down at his watch and then stood. "I've got to get across town to the new Chinese restaurant. Our children are expecting us." He turned to walk out the door and then turned back a few feet away. "Are you coming?"

Ethan looked up at him for a moment and then turned back to face the bar. Byron shook his head and turned and walked out of the bar. He was halfway to his car before Ethan came running up beside him.

"Tell Ezra I'll see him later."

Byron watched as Ethan walked around him and headed towards his car. "Where are you going?"

Ethan looked back up at him as he pushed his car key into the lock and turned it. "AA meeting."

Byron gave a small smile. "Good for you."


	26. You Wait For Rain And I Chase The Storm

**A/N: **Given my few resources, I went with what I was able to find on the internet on Barcelona, including how long a flight takes. There are a few made-up things as well, as well as things made up after real places. I've never flown outside of the US, so I know very little about flying to a foreign country. That said, if anything in here is terribly wrong, please let me know.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own PLL/any of the music used/blah, blah, blah. BUT! **I do own the lyrics at the end and the journal entry! **The lyrics are to a song I wrote a little over a year ago, and the journal entry was slightly modified from something I wrote in May 2011.

And of course I own Elijah and Ethan and the entire plot line. (Because we all know if I owned Ian Harding, he'd be… well, I can't think of a G rated ending to that!)

_Chapter 26_

_You Wait For Rain And I Chase The Storm_

The next few weeks followed in a similar fashion. Aria and Spencer wrapped up their summer classes, and Emily, Mike and Hanna returned to Rosewood. Aria finally settled on a school to attend for her senior year, and she and Ezra continued to attend individual as well as joint therapy sessions. By the time mid-August rolled around, Aria couldn't believe the entire summer had passed the way it had, and she hadn't spent very much of it actually enjoying the break.

She stuffed a third bikini into her dark blue suitcase along the side and then flattened Ezra's Hollis sweater over her clothes and pulled the cap down. It was supposed the warm the entire two weeks they would be there, and she was planning to spend half of it at the beach, and the rest of it trolling through the city.

She placed the bag on her floor and looked around the room. She didn't want to leave anything out of place. The flight was taking off in just a few hours, and they had to be at the Philadelphia airport at 4 AM. Any other night, she'd be tossing and turning until she fell asleep, but she found it easier to sit up and pass the time otherwise, and sleep on the plane. Most people hated flying, but she didn't mind it. There was something soothing about staring down at the world from nearly 40,000 feet in the air.

Aria sunk down onto her bed and grabbed her computer from the end of it. She pulled it into her lap and pushed the lid open. She loaded it up and then opened her browser and her instant messenger. Her screen quickly lit up with missed messages from earlier in the day. She closed them and then looked through her list before she spotted Ezra's name on the list. She double-clicked it and then placed her hands on the keys and began to type.

**RosewoodHappiness10: What're you doing awake? Didn't I just get a lecture earlier today about how many papers there are to grade? **

She clicked on her browser and loaded up her Facebook and looked through the feed. A wealthy portion of the recent posts were her friends posting photos. Melissa had given birth earlier that day, so both she and Spencer had posted several photos from the hospital. Emily had posted photos of she and Paige from swimming camp, and Hanna's page, which seemed to be a shrine devoted to Caleb and her, was filled with photos from her cruise with her Dad, Kate, and Isabel.

Her IM blinked and she clicked on the bottom of her taskbar, bringing it back up to the front of her screen.

**NewYorkFitz10: The papers can wait. Everything else has this summer, and my so-called best friend and his girlfriend are making _far_ too much noise next door. **

Aria giggled and shook her head, laying her fingers back on her keyboard. She began to type once again.

**RosewoodHappiness10: Are they that bad? **

She clicked back on her Facebook and typed Ezra's name into the search bar at the top. His name came up as the top option and she clicked on it. A moment later, the page opened up. She started to laugh as soon as his picture loaded up.

It was from a few days earlier. Everyone had gotten a day off, and Ezra and Elijah came up with the bright idea to have a barbeque. Ezra had invited her and her parents, and they had made an entire afternoon of it. Anne had been taking pictures and had told Ezra to go stand next to Aria so that she could take a picture. They hadn't been ready for the first one because they'd been picking on each other and laughing. Aria was in a tan-shirt and jeans, wearing one of Ezra's black sweaters with her head buried in his chest, giggling. Ezra was wearing a red and black long-sleeved shirt and dark blue jeans, and was wearing a beanie, and resting his head against hers, smiling. They were dressed in warmer clothes because yet another rainstorm had recently swept through Rosewood, and it had brought with it a short-lived cold front, dropping the heat down to sixty degrees.

There were more photos from the day on his feed. The first one showing was her desktop; it was a picture or she, Ezra, and Ethan. She was turned towards Ezra with her hand on his chest, and Ethan had his arm wrapped around the both of them. Ezra had his head tilted against hers and they were all smiling.

She clicked her browser down as her IM lit up again. She clicked on it and it covered Ethan's photo on her screen.

**NewYorkFitz10: They're arguing. I'm pretty sure we're making a transition back to a few months ago when they hated each other.  
><strong>**NewYorkFitz10: …Or they'll make up and I'll want to vomit.**

Aria laughed at his reply, but she couldn't help but slightly agree with his want to puke. The idea of Jackie and Hardy as a couple was just so far out of the realm of normal for she and Ezra that the end of them staying together for a long time seemed unrealistic.

**NewYorkFitz10: Why aren't YOU asleep? Aren't you supposed to be on a plane in like three hours?  
><strong>**RosewoodHappiness10: Yeah. Easier to sleep on the plane tho. It's going to be a long flight anyway. :/ Wish you were coming.**

She brought her browser back up and looked at his news feed. She scrolled past all the new photos to his posts.

_Ezra Fitz: did summer actually happen? I know it's summer, but I swear it went straight from the end of the school year into the next. _

_Hardy Danielson: that's what you get for signing up to teach a summer course_

_Ezra Fitz: oh hush. What'd you spend your summer doing? Sipping margs and eating bonbons? _

_Harding Daneilson: absolutely. That's so much better than teaching a bunch of whining nineteen year olds who are pissy because they decided to take on a summer load in ninety degree heat. _

Aria chuckled and shook her head, scrolling down on his page. There was a lack posts from the past few months, which didn't surprise her. Ezra wasn't the kind of person who liked to share his emotions with the world, and he certainly wasn't the kind of person that talked much about the bad things he'd been through.

**NewYorkFitz10: I'll be there next week. Couldn't get off till then :/  
><strong>**NewYorkFitz10: Something just smashed outside. brb.**

_-  
>She locked herself in the cellar<br>__Listened to the screaming of the wind  
>-<em>

Ezra moved his laptop off his legs and moved over the side of his bed, tiptoeing over to the door. He'd heard Jackie and Hardy bickering for the better part of the past two hours, but he hadn't had any intention of getting in the middle of it.

He opened his door and looked down the hall. Their arguing was too muffled through the words to make out any words, but as he headed down the hall into the kitchenette, he came to the conclusion that whatever what ever had been broken must've been in Hardy's room.

He headed into the kitchen, and grabbed a glass from the drying rack on the counter and then filled it with water. The arguing became louder, and clearer as Hardy's bedroom door opened down the hall. From what Ezra could gather, they were arguing about him, which made very little sense to him. How did **he **have anything to do with _their _relationship.

"You're an idiot!" Jackie yelled at him as he stormed into the kitchen. "You're-"

"I'm an idiot because I've thought better than to let my best friend be in a situation where he might kill himself again!? Wow, some friend you are!" Hardy yelled back. He suddenly ducked when a glass came sailing past him and smashed against the floor, breaking into pieces. The smaller pieces floated along from the water that had been in the glass.

Ezra hit the floor and pulled his knees up to his chest, covering his ears, closing his eyes.

_He stared at the shard of flat, broken glass as the masked man hovered over him and yanked on his arms once more. Hardy wasn't supposed to be gone this long, but if you stayed out too late on campus, they locked the doors. It had been a rule implemented to keep **this** from happening. _

"_Give me a good reason to not slice your throat right now and end all of this once and for all," he taunted. _

_Ezra gulped as he continued to stare at the broken glass. It had a sharp point on it. He already knew from the man running it over his collar bone. He hadn't applied enough pressure to seriously hurt him, but blood had been drawn. _

"_Just do it," he replied back to the man. "You've already taken everything else."  
><em>

He was rocking back and forth when he came out of the flashback, and surprised by the tugging of muscular hands, trying to pull his hands off of his ears.

"Ezra, its just me," Hardy's muffled voice came as he continued to tug on his arms. "You're home. We're not arguing anymore."

Ezra opened his eyes slowly and looked up, slowly pulling his hands away from his ears. Jackie was standing nearby, watching him warily.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

He shrugged, looking back and forth between them. "It's after midnight. Why the hell are you arguing?"

"We're not anymore," Hardy said briskly. "We didn't wake you up, did we?"

"Waking up implies that I would've actually gotten to sleep while you two were arguing," he replied tersely as he pushed himself to his feet. "I'm going to bed. Just…be quieter."

Ezra moved to step forward when Hardy suddenly pushed him backward. He furrowed his brow at his best friend, and then looked down. He'd dropped his glass when Jackie had thrown hers, and there was water and broken glass just in front of him.

He stepped around it and walked down the hall to his room, shutting the door behind him. As much as he loved his best friend, he was quickly remembering just how frustrating living with Hardy had been in the past. He was the friend that liked to go out and party and stay out until three AM when he had to be to work at seven. He was the friend who got into bar fights and had to be removed from the building before the cops showed up. And there was a time when Ezra didn't mind being the friend that stopped him from being that stupid, but his own current problems made Hardy's choices irritating.

He shook the thoughts from his head and walked back over to his bed, picking his laptop up off the edge of it so that it didn't fall. He pulled it back into his lap and clicked on his IM with Aria.

**RosewoodHappiness10: Everything okay?  
><strong>**NewYorkFitz10: Yep. They're arguing. Oh joy.  
><strong>**RosewoodHappiness10: that sucks. I'm sorry.  
><strong>**NewYorkFitz10: Not your fault.**

He clicked on his browser and brought up the Facebook tab. He'd been reading Aria's older posts from before they'd met each other, and he had reached the posts from before she had come back to Rosewood. There was a picture from two days before he had met her in which she was standing next to a boy she'd met Iceland. The tag on the photo said that his name was Orrick. They had their arms wrapped around each other and looked happy. She was wearing a white thin dress, while he had on a maroon sweater and blue jeans.

_Aria Montgomery: gonna miss this guy. Orrick, gotta come to Rosewood and visit!_

_(Click to see larger image)_

He looked up at the post above it from a few days later. It was from the same day that they had kissed at Alison's funeral.

_Aria Montgomery: missed her for more than a year. Not sure if I believe she's really gone. :/ _

_30 people like this_

He scrolled back up to the top of the page and stared at her photo for a long moment. It was a photo from earlier in the summer. She had gone out for lunch with Hanna, and Caleb, and just before they left. Aria was standing in the middle with Hanna on her left, and she and Hanna had their arms around each other and their heads pressed together. Caleb was on her right with his arm wrapped around both girls. He clicked on the photo. The tag line under it read, _best friends are there to make you smile when you can't. _

There were comments under the photo from both Hanna and Caleb saying that they should do it again soon, once their summer plans slowed down. At the time, Caleb had been headed back to California, and Hanna was just about to leave on her cruise.

Ezra shook his head, closing the tab and bringing up his lesson plan for the following week. He really didn't need to teach that much, given the fact that the classes would be ending in just a few short days, and people would be taking a few days off before the regular school year started up again. He only hoped that somehow this year would be better than the past two.

_-  
>You say you want change but you're never sure<br>-_

Aria yawned as she stepped off the plane, and pulled her iPhone from her pocket. She followed her mother through the airport as she waited for her phone to load up. She hadn't even started her vacation, but she was already checking in to see what Ezra was doing.

Ella turned and looked behind her at Aria. "Sweetie, if he stayed up all night talking to you, he's probably still asleep. Why don't you call him once we're settled at the hotel."

Aria sighed, looking up at Ella. "It's been eight hours. I told him I'd call when I landed."

Ella wrapped her arm around Aria, pulling her along through the gate. "It'll be fine. Let's just get our bags and then get some food."

Aria opened her mouth to argue further, but Ella shook her head, and she gave up defeat. She followed her mother to baggage claim and then out of the airport with Byron and Mike. The headed to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel and checked in before heading out to get some food.

For the first time in a while, Aria didn't have to pretend to be happy with her family. Mike seemed in high spirits, and given the fact that he had only been back for a few days, she had missed him and was enjoying having him back.

When they finished dinner, Mike proffered up the suggestion that he and Aria hang on the town for a while. Byron and Ella were both hesitant to say yes, but eventually did, and Aria followed Mike out into the streets. The first moment she was away from her mother, she had her phone out, already calling Ezra.

"Seriously?" Mike whined as he tugged her down a street. "You can talk to Ezra in the morning!"

Aria glared at him, shaking her head. "If I call him at 8 AM here, it's going to be 2AM there."

Mike rolled his eyes, turning back to face the street as Aria lifted her phone to her ear. It started to ring, and then continued to until it went to voicemail. She sighed after a few moments and then gave up defeat and tucked it into her pocket. Maybe it was God's cosmic way of telling her to devote her time away from home to what was currently happening.

She jogged a few feet up to Mike and forced a smile across her face. "Alright, I'm focused. Where are we going."

"Catalonia. A girl I met in the hotel said she was going to be there."

Aria rolled her eyes and chuckled, letting him lead her through the streets. They eventually reached what looked like a bar, and Mike walked up to a girl standing near the door. She smiled at him and then they talked for a few moments before he waved Aria over.

"We're gonna go to Bar Marsella," the girl said. She had a deep Spanish accent.

"The drinking age here is 18," Aria replied. "Neither of us-"

"No one _cares_ how old you are, if you don't get caught," she replied.

Aria looked at Mike skeptically. "I don't know…"

Mike huffed, and Aria could see the discontent in his expression. It reminded her how much he'd sacrificed in the past few months for her. He may not have been directly affected by her issues, but because of them, he'd been sent away before school ended, and then he'd been gone all summer to lacrosse camp. Regardless of the fact that she knew he'd been excited for it, she also knew that he'd left so that he wouldn't have to be around and watch her and Ezra go through their trials.

"Okay," she resigned, smiling ruefully.

She followed them through the streets again, a few steps behind as she did. She knew that Mike liked the girl, and she wasn't going to play mother hen to him when that clearly wasn't what he wanted.

They reached the bar a few minutes later, and Mike turned around and murmured to her to pull out her fake ID. She raised an eyebrow at him and then her other eyebrow raised as he showed her his own fake ID, which said that he was eighteen.

"Did you get that **specifically** for this vacation?" She asked.

He nodded with a wide smirk on his face. Aria rolled her eyes and forced a smile across her face. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the small wallet she'd brought with her. It held one bank card from her parents for emergencies, the little bit of money she actually did have, and a fake ID that said she was 22.

The line in front of them moved swiftly, and before she knew it, she was waving her ID in front of a man by the door. He looked at it for less than a second and then waved she, Mike, and his friend through the door.

Music thumped through the building as she followed him inside. He walked off with the girl that had led them there, and Aria walked over to the bar. She sat down on one of the free stools and ordered herself a glass of scotch. The bartender didn't even bother to look up at her as he grabbed a glass and filled it. Five other people were already shouting orders at him, and as soon as he shoved the glass across the short expanse of the bar to her, he was walking down to the other end to get someone else a drink.

She took a long drink from it as she pulled her phone from her pocket and brought up her text messages. She had hoped she'd have one from Ezra, but Hanna's name was the only one that showed up. She clicked on it and then smiled, shaking her head as he took another drink and tapped on the photo attached at the bottom of the message. It was a picture of she and Caleb, and the message had read _back two hours, and already together. _

She typed back a quick message and then closed it and then opened up her Facebook app and looked at the posts that had been made since she'd last checked it at the hotel. There wasn't much to be seen that she hadn't already read, so she closed it and then tucked her phone back into her pocket.

"Aria?"

She was confused by the voice calling her name, but she turned on her seat anyway. It wasn't Mike, and she didn't know anyone else in Spain, but as soon as she spotted him, a smile pulled across her face. She hopped off her seat and dashed over to him, wrapping her arms around him. Her scotch sloshed in her glass as she hugged him.

"Orrick! What're you doing here!?"

He hugged her back for a moment before pulling away. "Vacation. I'm going back to Iceland in three days. Why are **you **here?"

"Same reason," Aria shrugged as she lifted her glass to take another drink. "We're on vacation before school starts in a few weeks." She couldn't help but smile and hug him once more. "I didn't expect to see you!"

Orrick smiled back at her as she released him a second time. "Likewise." He looked around her for a moment. "No boyfriend?"

Aria rolled a shoulder, shrugging again. "He's got another week of work before he can take vacation, so he won't be here until Saturday."

"So why aren't you dancing like everyone else?" Orrick asked. "You're not the kind of person to just sit at the bar."

Aria looked down at her glass, biting her lips together. She didn't want to have to explain everything to him.

"Did something happen?"

She took a deep breath and then lifted her glass and quickly gulped down all the liquid in it before she turned around and placed it on the bar. "Not at all." She reached out and grabbed his hand and led him over to the dance floor. "Just needed someone to dance with me!"

_-  
>I don't wanna mess this thing up<br>__I don't wanna push too far  
>-<em>

Aria stumbled under own feet as she walked through the hall towards the hotel room she had to herself. It was an adjoining room to her parents, and Mike's room was on the other side of them. She wasn't entirely drunk, but she was certainly feeling the effects of the three glasses of scotch she'd had at the bar.

She hadn't totally hated the night out as much as she thought she would. She'd danced and talked with Orrick about his life over the past year, and checked her phone repeatedly as her friends sent her texts, asking about what'd she'd done in the seven hours since landing. After explaining to them that there was a 6 hour difference and nearing 3 AM, the texts had dwindled. She wasn't accustomed to the time difference, but she felt bad for not devoting her whole attention to Orrick and his stories.

When the bar closed, she finally resigned to going back to the hotel, and had been surprised when she called Mike after being unable to find him, and he told her he was back at the hotel, sleeping.

She stepped up to her door and slipped the key card into the slot before pushing the door open. She dropped the key card and her wallet onto the table and then kicked her sandles away before walking over to her open suitcase and flipping it open. She pulled out a pair of silk blue striped pajama shorts and a tank top and quickly changed out of the red shorts and white tank top she'd been wearing and changed into the fresh clothes. As she pulled her iPhone from her pocket, it began to ring.

"_Wake you up in the middle of the night_

_To say I will never walk away again_

_I'm never gonna leave this bed…" _

"It's almost 4 AM," she whined into the phone. Her words didn't slur, but it_was _obvious that she had been drinking.

"_One night away and already parting?" _Ezra teased. _"And I thought you slept on the plane." _

Aria chuckled, turning on the lamp beside her bed before she walked over to the wall and turned off the light switch. "I did. And Mike dragged me out so he could meet up with some girl he met."

_"Did it totally suck?" _Ezra teased.

"No," she said matter-of-factly, walking back to the bed. She slipped under the covers and then pulled the blankets up and grabbed the remote to the flat screen TV from the beside table and turned it on. "I ran into an old friend from Iceland who's on vacation. We- well, **he **talked about how life has been. I tried to listen while Hanna and Spencer kept texting me about their boys."

"_And you were out until almost 4 AM doing that?" _Ezra asked. There was a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Orrick walked me back to the hotel," Aria said reassuringly. "He's leaving in three days."

"_The same Orrick that you have a picture of on your facebook page?" _He asked.

Aria chuckled, shaking her head as she clicked through the channels on the TV. "He's just a friend, and that's all he's **ever **been. He's so totally gay. Anyway, how was your day?"

"_I listened to Jackie and Hardy bicker in my office while I tried to grade papers. And then when I told them to either break up or leave,… well, actually, they both had this really pissed-off look on their faces. Anyway, I haven't seen either of them since." _He said. _"And then I had dinner with Eli and my dad." _

"Is he doing okay?" Aria asked, referring to Ethan.

"_As best I can tell. Talking to your dad really seemed to help him. He's been going to AA meetings every day and I guess he's been doing pretty good since he got all his work transferred up here."_

"Really?" Aria giggled. "He's not bored by all the small-town ticket giving and lack of interesting cases to crack?"

Ezra chuckled. _"He seems pleased by the fact that there isn't a new murder to solve every other day. Apparently my family is in love with Rosewood."  
><em>

"You going to be okay with leaving it behind next year?" Aria asked.

"_Oh yes," _he replied. _"It's novelty was lost on me a long time ago, when it started carrying more bad memories than good. I wouldn't mind it as a place to visit, but I can't see living here forever." _

"Me either," Aria sighed softly. She dropped the remote by her side, settling on a channel showing a lifetime movie. She yawned.

"_Are you tired?" _He asked. _"Do you want me to let you go?" _

"No," Aria said quickly, crossing her left arm over her body as she held her phone to ear with her right hand. "Talk to me until I fall asleep."

Ezra laughed. _"Wow. That's something we haven't done in a while." _

"Exactly," Aria replied. "So read me something."

Ezra chuckled and then there was a bit of rustling as he looked through things to find something to read from.

"_You've seen this light  
><em>_And learn these lines  
><em>_Lived this night  
><em>_Ten thousand times_

_Tracked it all to where it ends  
><em>_Back before we were friends  
><em>_And you don't know where this stands  
><em>_Shaky ground, in shaking hands_

_I could fall, I could cry  
><em>_Because you'd rather say goodbye  
><em>_Turned this over, turned it down  
><em>_Waiting for you to come back around  
><em>_Found what I lost and saw what I've gained  
><em>_And wondered why you ever came_

_I've seen this movie  
><em>_I know these lines  
><em>_Done this scene  
><em>_Six million times_

_Followed everything to where it bailed  
><em>_Never thought that we could fail  
><em>_And I don't know where this stands  
><em>_Shaky ground in shaky hands_

_I could fall, I could cry  
><em>_Because you'd rather say goodbye  
><em>_Turned this over, turned it down  
><em>_Waiting for you to come back around  
><em>_Found what I lost, and saw what I gained,  
><em>_And wondered why you ever came_

_I don't know how to make this work  
><em>_I don't know how to not be hurt  
><em>_I don't know where all the pieces lay  
><em>_I don't think I can escape this pain…_

_Just tell me why  
><em>_Just don't say goodbye  
><em>_Tell me why, tell me why…  
><em>_Tell me why_

_I don't know where you stand  
><em>_Shaky ground… my shaking hands_

_I will fall, and I will cry  
><em>_Because you'd rather say goodbye  
><em>_Turn this over, and turn it down  
><em>_Waiting for you to come back around  
><em>_Find what I lost and see what I gained  
><em>_And wonder why you ever came_

_I'm not worthy  
><em>_I'll never deserve this  
><em>_You proved that…  
><em>_I'm not worthy_

_Find what I lost and see what I gained  
><em>_And wonder why you ever came…  
><em>_Why you ever came…."_

He waited in the silence of the other end of the phone, and then called her name a few times. She didn't answer. He murmured to her that he loved her, and Aria groaned.

"Hmm?" Her eyes fluttered open and she looked around. "Sorry. I dozed off when you finished."

"_Really?" _ He teased gently. _"Aria, I'll let you go to slee-" _

"No," she cut him off. "Really. That was really sad."

_"I was depressed when I wrote it." _

"Read something else," she murmured.

Ezra sighed on the other end of the phone and then flipped a few pages before he began to read again.

"_Every day that passes, I get closer and closer to labor day. I never really thought that day would mean so much to me. I mean sure, it's an observed holiday, but I never thought there was some big point surround it. And now… I don't know. Ii still, looking back, never thought that when I met Aria that day that it would become this big thing that lasted this long. I never thought she'd be the girl… well the girl I'd want for the rest of my life. I remember how stressed I was about the whole situation when I realized she was my student. _

_More than that though, I remember how much it mattered that she was there for me, even without knowing it. At the time, I thought it was just because I was supposed to learn something from her, but it turned into so much more than that… _

_I never thought so much would change in just a few short weeks. It's weird to think that she had **such** an impact on me, and so quickly. _

_**SPARKS FLY WHEN YOU SMILE**_

_That song says so much of how I feel about her… not necessarily because she's not good for me (Because she REALLY is…) but because she's SO everything I never thought I'd want. _

In the following silence over the phone line, he knew for sure that she was sleeping as he listened to her breathing. Once again he murmured through the phone that he loved her, and then he ended the call.


	27. I Could've Been HeartHealed Strong

__**A/N: **I realize a lot of people won't understand the end of this chapter, but I promise it will all come to light very quickly in the next few chapters.

_Chapter 27_

_I Could've Been Heart-Healed Strong_

Aria spent most of the first week of her vacation hanging out on the beach, even as her parents headed out to do sightseeing. She didn't want to repeat the first night, and she didn't really want to hang out in bars with Mike every night.

She spent the last few days of Orrick's vacation hanging out with him, but as soon as he was gone, she spent most of her time walking along the beach. She passed more than her fair share of kids scampering into the water and families laying out on the beach, but it was rarely the same family twice.

Even so, by the time Ezra's plane landed in the airport, she was sick of hanging out at the beach, and her skin was darker than Emily's.

She bounced on her heels as she watched people pass through the gate. She finally spotted Ezra in the crowd, and a smile crossed her face. She watched him walk through the gate and then couldn't help but gape as he walked right past her. He made it about five feet away from her before he turned around and raised an eyebrow, looking at her. He laughed and walked back over to her and hugged her.

"You look like a brownie!" He chuckled.

Aria hugged him back, rolling her eyes. "Spend a week here and see if you don't end up the same way."

"What sites are you going to drag me out to?" Ezra teased as he slipped his hand in hers and walked out of the gate with her. Going out alone wasn't something she typically did, but her parents had already left the hotel when she'd gotten up, and she'd planned to meet Ezra at the airport the night before when she'd spoken with him at 10 the night before. His flight had left Philadelphia just before midnight.

"So how did all your students do on their exams?" She asked.

Ezra shrugged. "Some passed. Others failed. Same old, same old."

Aria rolled her eyes, smiling at his blasé attitude about it all. "And that's all you've got to say about it?"

Ezra looked down at her as they walked out of the airport. Taxis and shuttles zoomed in and out of parking spots in front of them, picking up and dropping off people. He waved down a taxi and then looked back down at Aria. "I'm on vacation. The last thing I want to do is think about is who passed the class and who didn't. So where are you dragging me off to after we're done at the hotel?"

Aria smiled up at him. "Gothic Quarter. I've been waiting for you to get here to go."

Ezra chuckled, stepping forward and pulling her along with him as a woman stepped out of a taxi. They walked over to it and Ezra placed his things in the trunk before they got into the taxi and told the driver to take them to their hotel.

"So what did you do all week?" Ezra asked when the driver had pulled out of the space he'd pulled into and headed for the toll that would lead them to the exit.

"Hung at the beach," Aria replied as she ran her thumb against the back of his. "Walked, mostly. My parents wanted to go out sight-seeing, but I just wasn't into it."

"But you're going to now?" Ezra asked, raising his eyebrows at her. "Aria-"

She shook her head, looking up at him. "I'm fine. I just didn't want to run all over town and be bored when you came because I'd already seen everything."

He stared down at her for a few moments, unsure if she was telling the truth. Either way, he didn't press her to say anything else, and the rest of the drive was quiet.

When they arrived at the hotel, Aria led him up to her room and he settled his bags by hers. They stayed there long enough for Ezra to shower and change, and then headed out and caught a taxi to the Gothic Quarter. It was an area with little space, but the architecture was beautiful, and housed plenty of cafes and bars, as well as many little shops.

They stopped inside several of the shops, picking up souvenirs and little trinkets before heading off to another place to spend their time. They stopped off at one of the cafés for a caffeine fix before heading off to another shop.

As evening began to set over the seaside city, they both grew hungry and began to head back towards their hotel. They had only walked a few blocks when they ran into Byron and Ella outside of Palace of Catalan Music. It was one of the places on Aria's list of places she wanted to see, and a short walk from the quarter.

"Ezra!" Byron and Ella both said cheerfully. "When did you get in?"

"Around one," he replied, shifting one of the bags carrying his and Aria's purchases in his hand. "We were just heading back to the hotel to figure out what we wanted to eat."

Ella nodded. "We were just planning to do the same. Mike is around here somewhere with…What's her name?"

"Cecilia," Aria replied. She looked around them, and spotted Mike across the block talking with Cecilia outside a café. They seemed to have become good friends in the past week.

"There's a great restaurant a few buildings down from the hotel," Byron said. "It has an **amazing **lobster. We've been trying to get Aria to come all week."

"I could go for some lobster," Ezra said. He looked down at Aria. She shrugged and smiled up at him.

"Sure."

_-  
>We're only worlds apart; something keeps pulling me back<br>-_

Dinner passed in a strange manner, and by the time they were back at the hotel, Aria was beginning to wonder who had replaced her boyfriend. She hadn't seen Ezra be so amicable with her parents since he'd started working at Hollis. She would've been lying to herself if she'd said that it didn't slightly disturb her.

Even so, she remembered the fact that he'd let her slide on not doing much the previous week, and didn't press the subject as they got ready for bed and then crawled into the large bed. It was a California Queen, and even though he was only a few feet away, the week apart coupled with his strange attitude made him feel a million miles away. She eventually dozed off, hoping that when morning came, he would be back to his normal self; or at least what had become normal of him in the past few months.

She awoke later in the night from the cool breeze blowing across the room. Aria turned over in the bed, confused when noticed that Ezra wasn't in bed next to her, or even across from her. She moved off of it and walked out onto the balcony, but he wasn't out there either, even though he'd apparently opened the doors.

She rubbed her eyes and headed towards the bathroom, surprised when she heard sniffling. She pushed the bathroom door open and spotted him leaning up against the wall with his head resting in his knees. She walked over to him and sat down next to him.

"What's wrong?" She asked sleepily. "Don't your sleep meds usually knock you out?"

Ezra nodded, lifting his head to look at her. "They were missing from my luggage when I landed. I packed them – I know I did. Hardy checked my bag three times, and so did I, to make sure they were there. Along with the anxiety medication they put me on."

Aria stared at him with a pitied expression. She was truly sickened that someone would do something that low, even though it shouldn't have surprised her so much. "I'm so sorry, Ezra. Can you get new prescriptions?"

"Not until we get back to the states," he said softly. "I tried to go to sleep, but every time I closed my eyes, I kept remembering the last day of classes, in the emergency room. The cops kept asking what I remembered, and I couldn't tell them anything, because I couldn't **remember **anything. They were in there, and the doctors were doing their damn exams, and…"

"It's so self-depreciating," she murmured, wrapping her hands around his left arm and resting her head on his shoulder. Ezra nodded.

"I kept trying to act like nothing was wrong when we were out today because I thought if I pretended that everything **was **okay, that eventually I'd stop thinking about it and I would actually **be **okay. I didn't want you or your parents worrying about me."

Aria lifted her head up and moved her right arm around his back, running it down the back of his head. "Ezra, I love you **so **much. Drugged up to happiness or down in the dumps and suffering, nothing's going to change how I feel about you. Fuck who ever was so cruel that they took your meds. Nothing changes what's right here and now."

He tried to smile, but it faltered and looked more like a grimace. Aria leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"Will it help maybe if I rub your back?" She asked. Dr. Sullivan had suggested it once a few months earlier, though she'd never thought much to try it.

Ezra shrugged. "Maybe."

Aria pushed up off the floor and then offered him a hand, even though she couldn't actually pull him up. He took it anyway, pushing himself up with the help of the toilet, and walked back into the room with her. They each walked around the bed and got in on either side and then crawled to the middle. Ezra removed his t-shirt and then laid down on the bed on his stomach, burrowing his arms under the pillows.

Aria rubbed slow, wide circles across his back as they laid there, refraining from saying anything. It seemed to take a while, but he eventually dozed off, and Aria prided herself in being able to help him fall asleep, even if he ended up waking up in an hour from a nightmare. She knew they would simply have to manage until he could get a new prescription.

She kissed his shoulder before resting her head on it, rubbing smaller circles on his back until she eventually fell asleep.

_-  
>You come around and you take and you take and you take<br>-_

Ezra groaned, lifting his head up off the pillow the next morning. Aria was still resting with her head on his shoulder where she'd fallen asleep earlier in the night. Hot air was blowing across the room , and the open balcony doors were making it warmer in the room than it would normally be.

He turned his head and looked down at Aria before groaning again, trying to get his arm out from where it was pinned under her. He squirmed free from under her and then moved off the bed and walked over to the balcony doors. He shut them and then walked over to the bathroom and turned the light on. His brow furrowed against the light as he turned on the faucet. He cupped the cool water into his hands and then leaned down and splashed it against his face. He repeated the process a few times and then turned the faucet off. He grabbed a towel off the holder next to the mirror and wiped his hands and face off.

He looked up into the mirror, but his eyes darted away almost immediately after. He couldn't stand to look at himself, and he hadn't been able to for months. The idea of actually looking himself in the eyes made him feel sick to his stomach. Regardless of the fact that he was in therapy, and on medication that seemingly helping him to function more normally, it did nothing to boost his self-esteem. He didn't understand why Aria cared as much as she did when what he saw when he looked at himself was nothing. He'd lost his self-worth a long time, and being with her before Grady and Adam was a well-placed bandaid over a bullet hole.

It had nothing to do with how he felt towards Aria. His emotions were set in all things he'd already been through before meeting her, and what had transpired with Adam since May. As much as he was trying to put on a brave face and mean it when he told people he regretted what happened in his apartment with Aria, a part of him truly wished she hadn't stopped him. He wasn't trying to be dramatic or selfish. He just wanted it all to stop. The memories. The pain. The nightmares. All of it.

Aria stirred in the hotel room and Ezra tried to place his thoughts in the back of his head. He reached up and shut the bathroom light off and then walked out into the room and sat down on the bed next to her. She pushed herself up on the bed and rubbed her eyes.

"When did you wake up?" She yawned.

"Just a few minutes ago," he replied. "You hungry? You didn't touch much of your dinner last night."

Aria shook her head. "Not yet. And you're the pot calling the kettle black. You barely ate anything yesterday either."

Ezra nodded. "Yes, because I was stressed about missing drugs. You…"

"I'm fine," she said before he could say anything else. "Let's just…I don't know. The hotel has a pool. Let's go down there for a while. Cool off."

Ezra chuckled. "Doesn't the room have AC? Can't we just turn that on?"

Aria nodded, giving a teasing smile. "Yes, Mr. Fitz, we can. However, the balcony doors have been open all night and let the heat in, so it's going to take a bit to cool down in here. And I want to go for a swim. So please, lets go."

Ezra rolled his eyes before hopping off the bed and going over to his suitcase. He flipped it open and pulled out a pair of dark blue swimming shorts.

Aria moved off the bed a few moments later, and walked over to her own suitcases. She dug through it before pulling out a white bikini top and black bottoms. She walked across the room to the bathroom and closed the door behind her and then removed her clothes.

Once she was naked, she looked down at her body. She pressed her lips together as she lifted her left arm and looked at the thin scar on the inside of it. It was one of the few scars she had from what Grady had done to her. It was thin and had faded from screaming bright pink to a few shades lighter than her tanned skin.

She hated that that night still affected her. That it had changed her. She couldn't help but wonder if she had dressed differently or done something else differently, if he would have decided not to rape her.

She sighed and reached up, grabbing her bathing suit bottoms from the counter. She curled over to step into them, and then tugged them up to her hips before grabbing her bikini top and pulling it over her head. She grabbed the straps on either side of her ribcage and tied them before retying the knot behind her head. She looked back up in the mirror at herself. Her stomach grumbled.

She opened the door a moment later and walked out into the room. Ezra was leaning against the wall in the swimming shorts he'd put on, waiting for her. He had a bag hanging over his arm. Aria raised an eyebrow at him.

"Can't very well swim with a cast unless I want it to get soaked," he said. "And that's nasty."

Aria chuckled. She hadn't taken that into account.

She grabbed two towels from inside the bathroom and then walked over to him.

They made their way out of the hotel room, and Aria made sure to tuck their room key among their towels once they made it down to the pool. It was early, and the place was deserted. She helped Ezra to ease the cast protector over his arm and made sure it was sealed so that nothing would get to the plaster.

She walked over to the pool and walked down the steps into the shallow end before quickly immersing herself. She came up, but only to take a breath before she began swimming laps up and down the pool. After she had done a couple of lengths, she steadied herself on the shallow end and stood up. Ezra was halfway down the pool, still swimming.

When he reached the deep end, he stopped and leaned back against the ledge. "Why'd you stop?"

Aria shrugged, dipping down into the water again before she swam down to the bottom of the pool and proceeded to swim down to the deep end. She came up next to Ezra and tickled the back of his knee. He squirmed under her touch, and she laughed as she surfaced next to him. Ezra glared at her, scowling slightly.

"You're so cruel," he said as her hand lingered lightly over his skin as it moved across his torso.

Aria laughed. "C'mon, laughter is good for the soul."

Ezra grabbed her sides and pulled her closer to him. He pecked her on the lips, but a moment later, his fingers moved against her ribcage, and she squirmed under his grip, giggling and kicking her feet under the water.

He released her a moment later and chuckled. "Tickling someone is a vicious thing to do."

Aria leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Ezra moved to wrap his arms around her, but she moved away just as fast, and began to climb the ladder nearby.

"Hey!" Ezra called after her.

Aria giggled, looking back down at him. "Teasing is rude," she said.

She climbed out of the pool and walked across the floor, over to the hot tub. As she opened the small gate that led into it, she looked over at Ezra. "Coming?"

Ezra stared at her for a moment longer before he moved to the edge of the pool and climbed the ladder up onto the floor. He crossed the room and followed Aria down into the hot tub.

He groaned as he sunk down into the arm water, sitting down on the side of it across from the steps. Aria reached her foot out and brushed it up against his knee.

Ezra looked over at her. "I thought you said teasing was rude."

Aria smiled. She stood up from where she was sitting and walked over to him before sitting down on the built-in bench in the hot tub and curled her legs up behind her as she rested her elbow on the edge of it and rested her head against her palm. She leaned forward and pecked him on the lips. He moved his hand to the back of her head as her free hand rested on his thigh. She gripped his leg as his tongue slipped into her mouth and brushed over hers. She moaned softly.

Ezra sighed, and Aria pulled away, furrowing her brow at the expression on his face. Ezra shook his head, staring down at the rippling water.

"Why is this so hard?" She asked quietly.

Ezra shook his head, skimming his covered hand over the water as it rippled past him from the jets. "I don't know."

Aria shook her head, turning on the ledge so that she was sitting with her back against the hot tub wall. She extended her legs out and rested them on the ledge opposite from them. "We're in Europe. This should've been…"

"Happy?" He offered.

Aria laughed. "Better than this, for sure."

They sat there for a few more moments before Aria pushed herself up and walked out of the hot tub. Ezra followed after her, and they walked over to where their towels were. She wrapped the top one around herself and picked up the room key before he picked up the other towel.

_-  
>I never knew I'd love so much, I never thought my heart could crush<br>-_

The week progressed in a stiff fashion. Aria saw all the sights she wanted to with Ezra, but it wasn't under the same emotion pretense as she hoped it would be. Sure, they still enjoyed themselves to a degree, and they still went to all the places she wanted to see, but it wasn't what she had hoped for.

By the time the plane touched down in Rosewood, the current situation had Aria depressed. She followed her parents through the terminal to baggage claim, and then out of the building where she and Ezra parted so that he could head home.

Once she was settled in the car, she pulled her cell phone from her pocket and texted Spencer. For as odd as her relationship had been with her friends over the past few months, she needed to talk to someone she trusted, and she didn't want to get into with her mother.

**Are you at Melissas? Can I see you?  
><strong>_**Message is sending…message sent!**_

She stared out the window as they headed through town, hoping for a quick reply. She had slept the entire plane ride home, and it was mid-morning, so she hoped Spencer would be free. A moment later, her phone buzzed in her hand.

**Yes. And absolutely. **

She exhaled a small sigh of relief, and then gave her attention over to the streets until they arrived back at the house. She was nervous at first about what her parents would say when she said she wanted to go out for a bit, but Mike lessened the issue when he mentioned that lacrosse tryouts were that afternoon. Even though he'd been on the team the year before, when he'd let his grades slip and things had gone south, he had lost his place on the team.

"I'll take him," Aria said as she dropped her bags on the ground. "I just need to change."

She jogged up the steps to her room and searched through her closet until she found a pair of short dark blue jean shorts and a yellow tank top. She quickly changed out of the pajamas she'd worn on the plane and then looked around the room. She snatched the sweater lying at the end of her bed before running out of the room.

As she tugged it on, she quickly made her way down the steps before slipping her feet into a pair of flip-flops next to the door. She walked into the kitchen and grabbed her keys before heading back to the front of the house, and grabbing her phone where she'd left it lying on her suitcase. She tucked it into her sweater pocket before pushing her sleeves up.

Mike came down the steps behind her.

"Ready to go?" She asked. He nodded.

They walked out of the house, and he followed her over to her car.

Aria drove Mike over to Rosewood Day and then made her way out of town and headed to Philadelphia. She retrieved her sunglasses from the glove box as she waited at a stop light, and slipped them on her face. Her skin was still as dark as the day she'd met Ezra at the airport, though it wasn't as if she'd been trying to stay tan.

She came into the city just past noon and headed over to Melissa's condo. She pulled into the only open parking spot and then got out of the car and walked up to the house. Before she even knocked, Spencer threw the door open.

"You're so tan!" She commented cheerfully.

Aria chuckled. "I didn't exactly plan to be. It just kind of happened."

Spencer opened the door wider, and Aria followed her inside. The condo was nice and cool.

"Want anything to drink?" Spencer offered. "How was your plane ride? Better yet, how was Barcelona?"

Aria chuckled, following her through the condo to the kitchen. Spencer pulled several bottles of water out of the fridge and handed one to Aria. It was the fancy stuff that came in green glass bottles. She turned the cap off of it and took a drink.

"It was…okay," she said with a sigh.

Spencer's smile faltered slightly. "Why just okay?"

Aria shook her head, settling the water on the counter. She stared down at the floor.

"Aria, what happened?" Spencer asked nervously.

Aria looked up at her with tears brimming her eyes.

"Did something happen with Ezra?" Spencer asked. "Did…Did he…"

Aria shook her head again. She reached up and wiped away the tears before they could fall. "I feel so stupid. I just…" She sighed, shaking her head continuously. "I just don't know how we got to where we are, or how to fix it."

"How so?" Spencer asked.

Aria shrugged, looking up at Spencer. "I mean, we were in such a good place a few months ago. My parents were finally accepting our relationship, we were happy… And then I don't know. Over night, everything was about rape and trials, and I lost the guy I fell in love with. O-or I lost who I am," she said. She looked Spencer in the eyes, whimpering. "Maybe both."

Spencer shook her head, walking over to Aria and wrapping a comforting arm around her. "What… I mean did something… Did he say something? Or do something? That made you feel this way?"

"I don't know," Aria hiccupped. "Maybe.. Yes. I don't know," she repeated. "I mean the trials ended, and he was in the hospital, and we were going to therapy together, and then I was in Barcelona, and he wasn't there, and when he was…" She sighed.

Spencer led her into the sitting room, and they sat down on the couch.

"I just feel like I woke up one day, and he wasn't the same guy I fell in love with last year." She looked up at Spencer again. "And I know that he isn't, because of everything he's been through, but it's more than that. It's like who I've become can't coalesce with how I feel. I mean, I still love him, and everything is still there… But I feel like I'm watching it happen instead of being a part of it."

"And Ezra?" Spencer asked.

Aria shrugged. "I think he feels the same way. We had this moment, last week when we were in the hotel hot tub."

Spencer raised an eyebrow.

"Not like that," Aria said with slight annoyance. "But I kissed him, and I was sitting there next to him, and even though it was the two of us and we were kissing, it was like it wasn't really us. Like we were just going through the motions."

"Maybe you just need some time," Spencer said.

Aria looked up at her and shrugged. "Maybe."

"Why don't you go see him," Spencer offered. "See what he says about it all. Maybe you'll find out it's not as bad as you think."

Aria's emotions didn't shift at all, but she knew Spencer was right. She hugged Spencer and then stood, pulling her keys from her pocket.

As they headed over to the door, Spencer turned to Aria. "Have you figured out what to do about this coming school year?"

Aria nodded solemnly. "I'm gonna go to Sheridan Prep. All my credits transfer, and I'm still in line for an honors diploma if I do well this year, so I'm gonna go there."

Spencer frowned, but then smiled. "Well I'll miss you, but I'm glad if you're glad. I hope it goes well."

Aria leaned forward and hugged her friend. "We can still do breakfast, though."

Spencer eyebrows raised slightly. "We haven't had a group breakfast since Freshman year with Alison."

Aria shrugged. "New traditions."

Spencer chuckled. "I'll mention it to Hanna and Emily. Are you still going to meet us for dinner on Labor Day?"

Aria narrowed her eyes at Spencer, surprised at the question. It took a moment before she remembered that they had agreed to get dinner together on the anniversary of Alison's death, and then go to her grave and lay out flowers. "Sure."

_-  
>Don't let me tumble away into the throws of the shadowy bay<br>__I cling to the rock, but it's crumbling off  
>-<em>

Aria stared at the numberon Ezra's door as she held her curled fist up next to her head, poised and ready to knock when she was ready to finally do it. Still, she couldn't make the movement. She felt the same nervousness and fear that she'd felt the day she had come to tell him about Jenna. Still, this was wildly different, and she didn't feel okay with it. If anything, it was ripping her heart apart.

She exhaled a frustrated sigh at herself after a few moments and forced her fist to rap against the door several times. After a few moments, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked around the hallway. It was entirely empty.

The door opened a few moments later, and Hardy smiled at her. "Hey, Aria."

She smiled back at him. "Hey. Is Ezra here?"

He shook his head. "He came home to change and then headed back to Rosewood to see his mom for a bit. He should be back soon, though. Were you two planning something today?"

Aria shook her head as her shoulders dropped. "No. I just wanted to talk to him about something."

"Well if you want to wait, he shouldn't be too long," Hardy offered, opening the door a bit more. "I'm just heading out."

Aria nodded. She thought about it for a few moments and then entered the apartment. She turned and looked at Hardy as he pushed the door shut so he could tug his shoes onto his feet.

"How you and Jackie doing?" She asked. His expression told her everything. "I'm sorry. Are you two okay?"

Hardy shrugged, pulling the laces on his shoe before tying it. "It was what it was, and if anything, it made us hate each other less. I just wasn't meant to be. At least it was fun while it lasted, though."

Aria chuckled. "I'm sure you'll find the right girl for you."

Hardy shrugged again. "Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever's meant to happen, will."

Aria looked down at the floor as she smiled ruefully. "I guess that's true."

Hardy tied his other shoe and then turned and looked at her. "Are you okay?"

Aria nodded, smiling at him. "Go, really. I'm fine."

Hardy nodded, and then turned and walked out of the apartment, leaving her standing there alone. She looked around the room, and then walked over to the piano and sat down on the bench.

"_Happiness feels a lot more like sorrow…" _

"_That song is SO depressing," Aria said as she pushed Ezra's fingers off of the piano keys. "How in the world did **that **end up being our song?"_

Ezra chuckled. "I don't know. Somehow it just did. Blame the jukebox for playing B-26."

_She brushed the back of her knuckles against his cheek. "I blame the jukebox for everything when it comes to you."  
><em>

"Aria?"

She looked up at Ezra. He dropped a pile of mail onto the coffee table and then let his keys drop onto the table as well. He walked over to the bench and sat down next to her as she turned to face away from it.

"Is something wrong?" He asked.

Aria looked up at him. She didn't even know where to begin. "When…I came home that night after the party, and you were standing there, I remember thinking that I wished, above all else, that you had left. That you had gone somewhere to look for me, or that you were called away by someone, because I didn't want you to see me the way I was."

_Aria's hands trembled as she slipped her key into the lock of the front door. There weren't any cars in the driveway, so she was hoping that Ezra hadn't shown up yet._

_The lock clicked, and she turned the door knob. She turned her key back and removed it from the lock before walking into the house. She pushed the door shut behind her and leaned against it. Her shoulders shook as tears rolled down her face. She didn't even know how to deal with what had just happened. _

_She forced herself to stand up, and, with her hands shaking, walked into the sitting room. _

_She stopped in her tracks as she came to stand just a few feet inside the room. Ezra was sitting on the couch, reading over a paper. He lifted his head up, and his expression quickly shifted from that of scrutiny to shock, fear, pain, and then a mix of the three. _

"_Aria…" His voice trembled as he stared at her. _

_Her breaths became deeper until ultimately her legs gave out from under her and she fell to the floor. _

Ezra nodded. "I knew that."

"But you did everything you could to hide what you were dealing with, and that wasn't fair," she said.

"So?" He said. "It was my choice."

She turned and looked at him. "So we've been sacrificing one choice after another to protect each other, and we're not getting anywhere." Tears welled in her eyes, and she felt slightly dizzy. "We've spent so much time trying to protect each other that we're not getting anywhere, and now we're just going through the motions."

"Are you saying you don't think I love you?" He asked.

Aria shook her head. She moved her left hand to the bridge of her nose and squeezed it, hoping for the dizziness to go away. "Not at all. I'm saying that we still love each other, but we're in a position that isn't helping us, or our relationship. I feel like I'm watching us in our relationship instead of actually being a part of it." Tears rolled down her face as she lifted a hand to cup his cheek, looking into his eyes. "And I love you **so **much, but this isn't working. We're not fighting, and we're not treating each other bad…but we're…."

"Not functioning together either," Ezra said softly.

Aria nodded.

"So what do we do?" He asked, looking back up at her.

She shrugged. "Give it some time, I suppose. I don't want to lose you from my life, but we can't force this, because I'm afraid if we do, we'll just make it worse. Maybe in a few weeks, or a few months…"

Ezra nodded slowly. He lifted a hand to her cheek, and then leaned forward and kissed her. Aria kissed him back, even as tears continued to dribble down her face. It was full of the passion and love that she knew they were still capable of, but had been missing for weeks.

They parted a few moments later, and she looked up at him. She brushed her thumb over his bottom lip and then stood.

Her dizziness doubled and then tripled as she walked towards the door. Ezra's eyes watched her as she headed towards it, waiting for her to exit the room. Instead, he watched as she suddenly fell to the floor, unconscious.


	28. I Never Meant To Wither

_Chapter 28_

_I Never Meant To Wither_

_He walked three steps behind her mother, with his hands trembling as he kept them tucked in his pockets while they headed into the back of the ER. They had taken her back as soon as she had come in, and the police had already been called. _

_The on-call doctor led them into the area next to the nurses station, and walked towards the first trauma room. He stopped in his tracks. With his teeth clenched, tears filled his eyes and his fingernails dug into the palms of his hands. The memories hit him like a sharp slap across the face, and it was all he could do to keep from trembling. _

"_Ezra," Ella said when she realized he hadn't followed them in the room. "C'mon."_

_He looked up at her. The door had been opened again, and Aria had changed into a hospital gown. She had asked for the both of them to be with her while the doctor did her exam. _

_He walked over to the left side of the bed and sat down next to her, keeping his attention on the floor, or the wall behind the bed. Anywhere that wasn't intrusive of Aria's personal space, and that didn't make him have to look at the places he had when he'd been in that room himself. _

Aria opened her eyes and looked around the room. Her head was still spinning, but it felt better than it had when she had collapsed. It took her a few moments to remember where she had last been, but when she did, it only brought confusion, given that Ezra was seated at her side, holding her hand.

"What happened?" She murmured.

He sat up in his seat and looked at her. "You passed out. I called 911."

Ella walked into the room carrying several coffees. She nearly dropped them when she saw that Aria was awake. She settled them on the table at the end of the bed and then walked over to the other side of the bed and grabbed Aria's hand. "Are you feeling alright?"

Aria nodded, looking up at her. "I don't get it. What happened?"

"You passed out," Ezra said again. "The doctor said all your levels were depleted from not eating."

Aria gulped.

"What's going on?" Ella asked, looking from Ezra to Aria. "Is this affecting you more than you've let on?"

"No," Aria murmured softly. "I just…"

"Just what?" Ella asked.

Aria shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. She stared down at the floor.

Ezra looked down at his watch, as if he had to be somewhere. He pushed out of his chair a moment later. "**I **should get something to eat, so my meds don't act up. I'm gonna run down to the cafeteria."

He stood and walked out of the room, down the hall to the elevator. He rode it down to the first floor and then headed down to the cafeteria. He wasn't all that interested in the food they had to offer, but he knew if he didn't eat something, he'd find it too easy to put himself in the same position as Aria, and the last thing he wanted was for her to think he thought it was okay.

He walked up to the line of vending machines and his wallet out of his pocket. He pulled out a few bills and then slipped one into one of the machines and bought a bag of baked chips before walking over to machine with drinks in it, and bought himself a bottle of water.

He walked over to one of the tables and sat down. He tore open the bag of chips and then pulled one from the bag and popped it into his mouth and chewed it. He turned the cap on his water a moment later and took a drink from it before snatching another chip from his bag and munching on it. Frustration burned through his veins as he sat there. He was trying not to be angry with Aria, but it wasn't proving to be entirely possible.

"Ezra?"

He looked up and spotted Jackie walking towards him. He waved at her, chewing another chip.

She walked over to his table and sat down across from him. "What're you doing here?"

"Aria passed out," he said.

Jackie raised her eyebrows. "Is she…alright?"

Ezra shrugged. "She got dizzy and passed out. She hasn't been eating much…"

Jackie's eyes grew wide as she stared at him. The look on her face confused Ezra. After a moment, his eyes grew wide as well as he realized what she was probably thinking.

"She's not pregnant!" He exclaimed insistently.

"You're sure?" Jackie asked, and the look on her face said she wasn't entirely sure he was telling the truth.

"**Positive**." Ezra replied. "We haven't… She and I. It hasn't happened yet."

"Oh…" She said.

Ezra shrugged, looking up at her a moment later. "So you and Hardy broke up?"

She nodded. "It wasn't like it was the most eternal union under the sun anyway."

Ezra chuckled, shaking his head. "No, it was more like one step away from a natural disaster. I'm not sure I'll ever understand how that union ever came to be."

Jackie smiled at him. "I don't either, so you're not alone." She shrugged, stirring the straw in the iced coffee she'd gotten herself. "He's a good guy, though. And if he ever learns how to be monogamous, he'll make a great husband to someone."

Ezra laughed. "I've been telling him that for years. Don't hold your breath."

_-  
>Sometimes the only way around it,<br>__Is to let love do it's worst  
>-<em>

Aria sunk down onto her bed, staring at the tray of food Ella had brought in for her a few moments later. After her levels had been brought back up to a healthy range, she'd been released on the agreement that she would see Dr. Michaels the next day and continue seeing her as frequently as needed.

She had always promised herself she wouldn't be 'one of those girls'. She never wanted to be the girl who starved herself because she didn't feel she was pretty enough or thin enough. And it hadn't started out that way.

For weeks, she'd been finding herself repeatedly in the position of feeling like she wasn't good enough. It had started with Ezra, but it hadn't ended there. She had started getting the feeling that her family and the people around her expected her to be better than she was, and to just 'get over' the issues affecting her. All of the weight of it all crushed down on her shoulders to the point of sucking her into a black hole. All she wanted was some form of control; something that would give her the ability to have just the tiniest morsel of power in her life.

Instead, she was facing the fact that people around her were telling her she needed **more **help before she 'went down the wrong path.' It was less than comforting to her.

Ella walked into the room, carrying another tray of food. She settled it on Aria's desk. Aria looked at the tray as if it had a life of it's own.

"C'mon sweetie," Ella coaxed her. "I'll eat with you."

Aria looked up at her and shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

Ella tilted her head to the side, with the expression that told Aria she didn't believe her. She turned the chair in front of Aria's desk and sat down on it. "Aria, what's going on? I know you better than this. You're not the kind of girl who thinks these things about your body."

A choke of laughter slipped past Aria's lips as she shook her head. She turned her attention to the window. The sun was starting to set. _You know __**nothing, **_she thought to herself.

"Please, Aria," Ella said. "I'm trying here, but I can't do anything if you won't let me in."

"It doesn't matter," Aria said as she kept her head turned. "You wouldn't understand anyway."

"I'd like to try," Ella said.

Aria shook her head again as tears filled her eyes. She turned and looked at her mother. "Would you really? Would you like to understand what it's like to live inside my head? What I think about myself, and the people around me? Or how much I've hated my life since that night?"

Ella nodded tentatively; not because she didn't really want to know, but because she was worried of the reaction Aria would have. She hadn't seen such extravagant emotion from Aria since the night she and Byron had come home to find the picture of she and Ezra broken on the floor.

"I hate it all," Aria told her angrily. "I hate my life. I hate that I ever knew him, and that I trusted him. I hate that he knew how to do those things to me. But more than that, more than anything else, I hate that everyone in my life seems to be waiting for me to become who I used to be, because it's never going to happen."

Ella sat in silence, listening to Aria as she spoke. She was careful not to say anything that would hurt Aria further, or ask her if she was finished.

"And even more than that, I hate that I love Ezra."

Ella's brow furrowed, confused. She knew something had happened between the two of them during the trip away, but the comment didn't make sense to her. If there was one thing that had been constant in the last few months, it was Aria and Ezra's love for each other.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because he gets all of the focus!" Aria cried. Tears rolled down her face, and she shook her head again. "And I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it, because he suffered more, but-"

"But nothing," Ella said, cutting her daughter off. She walked over to the bed and sat down next to Aria. "You don't know that he's suffered more than you. And regardless, how he feels shouldn't control how you see yourself or how you feel. You deserve just as much as he does."

Aria shook her head, biting her bottom lip hard as she stared down at the floor. Teardrops fell off her face, onto the floor. "But I've never gotten it." She looked back up at Ella. "When everything happened back in April, everyone focused on him because he was dealing with all the flashbacks. And then it was all about Adam coming back to hurt him. And then it was because he tried to kill himself again." She brought a hand up to her chest, grasping the base of her throat where a thick knot had formed. "And I love him so much that I just stayed and took it, even when it was killing me to know that no one was paying attention."

"This is why I wanted you to take some space from him," Ella said softly. "I didn't want you ending up hurt like this."

Aria whipped her head up and looked at her mother. "But that's just it! It's all about what everyone else wants! My friends want me back at Rosewood Day! Dad wants me to be who I used to be!"

"Okay," Ella said in a calm voice. "What can I do?"

Aria shook her head, blinking as more tears fell down her face. "Pay attention." She whimpered as her bottom lip trembled. "All I wanted for months is for someone to pay attention."

Ella moved closer to Aria and wrapped her arms around her. Aria wasn't as quick to move as she cried into her mother's shoulder, but eventually she raised her arms and took the comfort Ella was offering her. It felt good to get the feelings off her chest, and to someone who was paying attention to her for once.

_-  
>Out of all of the places in this little town<br>__Yeah, you had to come walking in here and sit down  
>-<em>

The next few days passed with a comforting ease around Aria. She saw Dr. Michaels, who upped her appointments to twice a week, but she was genuinely trying to be better about eating. And for the first time in a long time, she made plans with her friends, and followed through with them. When she did so, she was even more surprised to find that she enjoyed herself while she was out with them.

The day before school started came quickly, and she found herself standing in the hallways of Sheridan prep, holding her school bag. She had just emptied all her supplies into her locker so that they would be there the first day of school. She didn't know a single soul, save for Samara, whom Emily had gotten in touch with and introduced to her a few days earlier. Even though Emily and Paige were going strong, Emily had explained the 'A' situation to Samara to clear the air. So technically, Aria supposed, she had **one** friend.

"Aria!"

She looked up, and spotted a familiar head of blond, curly hair. A small smile pulled onto her face as Samara walked up to her.

"Dropping your books off?" Samara asked as she approached her.

Aria nodded. "That, and getting a feel for the place. It seems nice here."

Samara smiled. "It's great here. You'll love it."

Aria smiled back at her. "I hope so." She took a deep breath, looking at her empty locker. There were no photos on the inside. Nothing that made it scream that it belonged to her.

"Something wrong?" Samara asked as she looked in Aria's locker.

Aria shook her head, looking back at Samara. "You know, for the first time in a long time, things actually feel a little okay. I was just thinking about how empty my locker was."

Samara chuckled. "You know, a few friends and I usually decorate our lockers on the first day after school." She turned and pointed to a locker across the hall, a few feet away. "That's mine. You're welcome to join us tomorrow."

"I don't know…" Aria murmured.

"Oh, c'mon," Samara begged. "It'll be fun! Besides, I'm sure you've got a few pictures of you and your friends that would go **great **in here. Besides, we bring all the little streamers and tape up bits of wallpaper. It's so much fun. You **have **to do it!"

Aria chuckled at Samara's excitement over something so trivial. "Okay. Sure."

"Really?!" Samara said cheerfully.

"Really," Aria replied. "I'm in."

"Aria?"

She turned around and Ella waved to her. She turned back to Samara. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

Samara nodded. "Totally. And don't forget to bring pictures! And anything else you might want in your locker!"

Aria turned around and walked back towards her mother. She headed out of the building with her and over to the car.

"Samara seems nice," Ella commented.

Aria nodded. "She is."

Ella unlocked her car door and then hit the switch on the inside of the door so that Aria's did as well. "She's… just a friend though?"

Aria laughed, looking up at Ella. "Yes!"

"I'm just checking," Ella said, with a smile on her own face.

Aria rolled her eyes, turning to look out the window as several chuckles escaped her lips. "Emily introduced her to me so that I'd know someone on my first day, but I still like boys."

They left the school and headed back to the Montgomery home, where Aria was surprised to find Ezra's car in the second parking stall, behind her car. Ella looked over at her.

"He must be here talking to your father about the fall semester…" She paused for a moment. Aria stared at the sedan parked three feet away. "Have you spoken to him since…"

Aria shrugged. "I told him in an e-mail that I needed time. He was upset with me after he found out that I hadn't been eating and that's why I passed out." She turned and looked at Ella after a moment. "I guess I can't blame him for that."

"Do you want to go in?" Ella asked. "We could go get dinner somewhere…"

Aria shook her head. "We can go inside. I can't avoid him forever."

She pushed her door open a moment later, and followed Ella into the house. As she passed the sitting room, she could hear Ezra's voice talking to her father about something. He stopped briefly, and she looked over, just as he was looking up at her. She continued her way up the steps, and he began speaking again a few moments later.

Once she was at the top of the steps, she walked into her bedroom and headed over to her closet. She was full of nervous energy at the fact that Ezra was downstairs in her house. It reminded her of the times she had seen him talking to her mother in the hallways at Rosewood Day while they'd been having issues and she'd been seeing Noel.

Once her closet was open, she pushed some of her clothes aside so that she could see others. Hanna, Emily, and Samara had taken her out on a shopping expedition on the day that Melissa's baby had been born. They had joined Spencer later up at the hospital, but spent the better part of September first in the mall.

She pulled out a pair of sandals from the floor and settled them on the chair next to her bed before turning back to the closet. She knew it was going to be warm, so she didn't want to wear jeans, but she wasn't sure how comfortable she was with wearing a skirt either.

After a few minutes, she pulled out a pair of khaki shorts and settled them over the shoes. She turned back to her closet, and then paused for the briefest moment.

"_C'mon!" Alison begged. "We'll both get one, and wear them on the first day of freshman year and senior year."  
><em>

_Aria chuckled. "Won't that make us look stupid?"_

Alison shook her head. "No. The girls who all show up in the same shade of pink will look stupid."

"_Ali!" She laughed. "You've seen Hanna's outfit for tomorrow!"  
><em>

_Alison just laughed. "Yes, I have. And I fixed it. So get one, please!"_

Aria smiled as she held the jersey in her hands. It was yellow, green, and black; the Hollis colors. She had gone shopping with Alison the day before school started freshman year, and eventually they had ended up at Hollis. Aria had always had a fondness for their merchandise, and she had decided to spend the last of the allowance she'd been given on the jersey that Alison had conned her into getting.

She settled the jersey on the chair and then closed her closet. Feeling a bit calmer, she turned towards her guitar. It was leaning up against the wall a few feet from her bed.

She picked it up and walked over to her desk, where her journal was lying open. She stared down at the pages where she'd scrawled lyrics the night before. She began to strum her guitar humming softly to the tune she had in her mind.

"Aria?"

She jumped slightly at the sudden appearance of her father, but looked up nonetheless. "Yeah?"

"He's gone. We're about to eat. Would you like to join us?" Byron asked.

She settled her guitar against her desk and stood. Her phone buzzed on her table and she looked down at it. Before she even reached to grab it, the memory struck her. Dinner with Hanna, Emily, and Spencer. "I've got a prior engagement."

_-  
>I'm hiding and hoping my face ain't too red<br>__Since we've been over, been trying like crazy to get you out of my head  
>-<em>

The next day proved to be better than Aria expected. Samara introduced her to a few people, and she made friends with the girl she sat next to in the art class she had signed up for. She'd even gotten a few compliments on her jersey.

As promised, when the end of the day came, she met up with Samara and a few of her friends in the hallway. They appeared to seemingly liberated several things from the art department, as they walked up to her, carrying several shopping bags full of supplies.

"Did you bring pictures?" Samara asked.

Aria nodded, following Samara over to her locker. Samara turned the combination until the lock popped, and she opened the door.

"You can really do whatever you want to it," Samara said. "I know some girls who paper it from floor to ceiling just in pictures. I find it easier to use a few sheets of wallpaper samples and then a few pictures."

Aria nodded. One of Samara's friends walked up to her and offered her some construction paper. They were long sheets. Aria took a few and then headed back to her locker and settled the paper on the top shelf. She retrieved a roll of tape from the locker organizer she had hanging on one wall. She then proceeded to tape up the construction paper to the inside of her door before she pulled the pictures she'd brought with her out of a folder.

She taped one up at the top. It was a photo of her with Hanna, Spencer, Emily, and Alison from the day Alison had gone missing. Mrs. DeLaurentis had taken it on the porch before they had all headed off to the Hastings' barn.

She added a few more photos of her friends, and then one of her and Mike from Barcelona. It had been before Ezra had shown up; she was laying out on a blanket on the beach reading, and Mike was flipping through a comic book next to her. Ella had called their names and then snapped a photo.

She stared at the last photo resting in her hands, nearly an hour after school had let out. Samara and her friends were just finishing up, as was Aria. She couldn't decided whether or not to put the photo up.

The photo she held in her hands was the last time she remembered being truly happy, and it was of she and Ezra.

Just before she'd left on her class trip, they'd taken a drive into New Jersey, and to the shore. It was still pretty cool outside, and she had been bundled up under her own sweater as well as an extra that Ezra had packed. The sky was grey and it had rained later that day. For any normal purpose, there wasn't any reason to be at the beach. Even so, they'd made the drive there, and he'd been talking to her about how he wanted her to meet Elijah.

A woman had been on the beach with her daughter and their dog, and they had been walking. Ezra had asked her if she would take a picture. Aria was pressed up against Ezra's chest and he had his arms around her because she was still cold. They were both smiling.

She gulped, staring at the picture a moment longer.

"Boyfriend?"

Aria looked up at Samara as she peered over her shoulder at the photo. She looked back down at it. "I don't really know right now."

"He's cute," Samara commented. "Y'know, for a guy."

Aria laughed. "I just….It's the last time I remember being really and **truly** happy, you know?"

Samara nodded. "So hang it up. Don't let a maybe relationship keep you from keeping the good memories."

Aria looked at Samara. "That's a really good piece of advice."

Samara shrugged. "Someone said it to me after I broke up with my first girlfriend."

Aria turned back to her locker. She grabbed her tape off the top of her locker and then tore off a piece and taped the photo to the inside of her locker before grabbing her bag from the inside of it.

"We're gonna get some coffee if you want to come," Samara offered.

Aria considered it for a few moments. She knew logically that she needed to try and make friends, but she also wasn't sure about spending so much time with new people that she didn't know quite yet. She stood there for several minutes, mulling over the decision before she finally nodded.

"Great!" Samara said happily.

Aria followed her out of the building and then walked over to her car when they were outside. Surprisingly, there was still a generous amount of cars still in the parking lot.

She started her car and then followed Samara and her friends out of the lot and back into the city. They were on the opposite side of town from where Aria lived, so she wasn't entirely accustomed to all the businesses she was passing. Even though Rosewood was a small town, it was still bigger than she was used to.

They arrived at the coffee shop a few minutes later, and Aria followed them inside the building. As she stepped up to the counter behind Samara, she was met with the scent of coffee, and the sounds of live music. She turned and spotted a guy on a small stage on the other side of the shop playing a guitar and singing some song about what sounded like his cat. She chuckled, following Samara up to the counter.

Once they finally reached it, the group of girls put their order in together, and then each handed over the proper amount of cash to the barista.

Aria turned and leaned against the counter as she watched the guy on the stage. "Is it like this all the time?"

Samara looked over at her, and then looked at the guy on the stage as well. She chuckled. "Always this bad, you mean? Not really. Melvin just insists that he needs to sing about his cats."

"S-so you **know **him?" Aria asked.

Samara laughed. "Know him? He's my dad's cousin."

Aria's eyes widened. "Seriously?!"

Samara nodded, laughing. "He's actually quite funny, when he wants to be. But he's basically the male version of a spinster with cats."

Aria chuckled as she retrieved he drink from the counter and followed Samara and her friends over to a table. Melvin finally finished on the stage a few moments later, and Aria couldn't help but be grateful for the singing to have ended. He might've known how to play the guitar, but in terms of his own voice, he was slightly tone deaf.

"When will you ever tell him that he sings terribly?" One of the girls asked Samara.

"When it stops being entertaining to listen to him sing about cats," Samara laughed. "And it's not as if there's **never **any talent up there!"

"Oh right!" Another one of the girls said with a giggle. "Once a month when someone with a set of pipes actually walks in here and sings, and then they hear someone else get up and realize just how bad all the other acts are and are ashamed to show their faces here."

Samara turned and looked at Aria. "Do you sing?"

Aria looked at her, surprised for a few moments. "I- um- yeah…"

"Well?" The first girl, Eden, asked. "Can you sing well?"

Aria nodded slowly. "I-I think so."

"Oh god, he's going back up for a second act," a third girl, Marissa, said. "Aria, go! Don't make us suffer through another version of Jimeny And A Piece Of String!"

Aria laughed, and slipped out of her seat as the girls pushed her gently. She walked up to the stage nervously and grabbed one of the acoustic guitars sitting by the stage. She picked it up and then walked over to the stool Melvin had been sitting on a few minutes earlier and sat down. Everyone in the place was looking at her.

She swallowed a nervous gulp and then looked down at the guitar again. "I- um… I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I guess this is what came out of it."

She began to play the guitar. After a few measures, she felt herself being pulled into the music, and the people watching her didn't affect her anymore.

"_my head is pounding  
><em>_too much red wine  
><em>_I wish I didn't love it like I do  
><em>_it gets to me every time_

_I wake up craving  
><em>_this cigarette  
><em>_yeah I know they're no good for me  
><em>_but I can't put 'em down just yet_

_I've never been held  
><em>_the way you held me  
><em>_and I've never been hurt  
><em>_the way you hurt me  
><em>_I could handle this pain  
><em>_forget your name  
><em>_if you hadn't loved me  
><em>_like you had  
><em>_why'd you have to be as good  
><em>_as you were bad…."_

She looked up at the people in the shop. They were still watching her, and more people were walking in.

Her thoughts couldn't help but travel to Ezra as she sang. After all, she'd written it about him. She still loved him, and very much so, but for the first time in a long time, she was remembering what it was like when people asked her how she felt and whether she was okay, and she wasn't ready to lose that yet.

"_I wanna hate you  
><em>_I'm mad as hell  
><em>_oh but a part of me still loves you  
><em>_and hopes and prays to god  
><em>_you're doing well_

_I've never been held  
><em>_the way you held me  
><em>_and I've never been hurt  
><em>_the way you hurt me  
><em>_I could handle this pain  
><em>_forget your name  
><em>_if you hadn't loved me  
><em>_like you had  
><em>_why'd you have to be as good  
><em>_as you were bad…"_

She looked at the people staring back at her, wondering if they really understood what she was saying. A majority of them were kids her age, but a few were Hollis students. She was surprised when she spotted a familiar pair of blue eyes in the audience.

"_they say you remember the past  
><em>_better than it really was  
><em>_but there was a time when it really was  
><em>_so good_

_I could handle this pain  
><em>_forget your name  
><em>_if you hadn't loved me  
><em>_like you had  
><em>_why'd you have to be as good  
><em>_as you were bad…"_

She settled the guitar back where she'd gotten it from and then walked back down to where Samara and her friends were seated.

"That was **so **sad," Eden said. Aria couldn't help but laugh at how dramatic it sounded coming out of her mouth.

"Thanks," she murmured. "I think."

Samara leaned into Aria. "I think you've got company."

Aria followed Samara's line of sight. Ezra was standing at the counter staring at her. She exhaled a long sigh and then pushed up out of his seat. "Guess I have to face him sometime."

She pushed up out of her chair and walked out of the coffee shop. A few minutes later, Ezra exited as well. Aria couldn't help but notice his cast was gone.

"Hey." The word sounded weak coming out of her mouth, and she felt pathetic saying it.

"Do you really hate me that much?" He asked her.

"What?" His question threw her off.

Ezra shrugged. "I haven't heard from you in days. One minute, I'm listening to you tell me you need time, and the next I'm watching you collapse on my floor because you're not eating, and now this? I mean did I make you **that **miserable?"

Aria turned and looked inside the café at Samara and the girls that she seemed to be on her way to calling friends. Tears brimmed her eyes.

Ezra nodded, looking down at the ground. "So it's not just time and space. It's for good."

Aria shook her head, looking back at him. "You don't get it. It's you, but it's in the most selfish way possible from me, and that makes it **so **unfair," she cried. "I…" She shook her head again, looking down at the ground. "Everything was about you. I felt like I was suffocating. And it just got to a point where 'I love you' wasn't enough."

"So you wanted my attention?" Ezra asked, confused.

"Yes-…No," she said, speaking the second answer more firmly. She looked back up him. "I watched both our parents worry about every little thing you went through for more than three months. I just stood by and watched. And it hurt **so **much, because I felt like if I said anything, I was taking away from your pain."

"I was hurting you?" Ezra asked. She didn't even have to look him in the eyes to know that her words had hurt him.

She pressed her hands to his chest, over his heart. "I need more than **you** can give me right now. And I still love you, and that's _**killing **_me right now. But I can't…" Her shoulders shook as tears continued to roll down her face. "I want to find a way to fix it. And not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about you."

They stood in front of each other, both clearly at a crossroads. Aria pulled her hands away from his chest. Ezra caught her right hand in his own and grasped it tightly as she wiped her tears from her face.

"I still love you," he said softly.

Aria nodded. "I still love you too." She laughed at herself quietly for a moment. "I just need you to let me be selfish for a little bit."

Ezra held her hand a moment longer before he released it and nodded. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Who knows. Maybe we can learn how to be friends."

Aria laughed. "Yeah. Maybe."

He leaned forward and cupped the back of her head, and kissed the side of her cheek. "Be happy, baby."

With that, when he released her, he walked away, leaving his back to her. Aria watched him until he reached his car near the end of the block and got in. She hoped that the sentiment would mean something to her conscience, and she would be able to achieve what he was saying to her. She exhaled a breath and then looked back inside the coffee shop. Something Dr. Michaels had told her a few days earlier occurred to her, and she couldn't help but smile.

_I'd rather choose to be happy for no reason at all, than be unhappy for the same standards. Happiness is always a choice. _


	29. It's The Way She Doesn't Try

_Chapter 29_

_It's The Way She Doesn't Try_

Ezra pressed his fingers against they keys of the piano, smiling as the small hammers inside drummed against the strings, emitting the sounds he loved. He began to let his fingers drift across the keys in a melody he knew all too well. For once it was something more cheerful than what he had often played in the past year.

Hardy looked up from the paper he was reading and looked over at Ezra. "What's that?"

Ezra shrugged. "Don't remember the title. It was on the radio today."

Hardy laughed. "Figures."

The last few weeks had passed in an odd manner. After his conversation with Aria on the street, things had taken an upturn for the both of them. They both became more devoted to focus on the things affecting them. Ezra made more of an effort to repair his relationship with Ethan, instead of just leaving a bandaid on it as he had been doing for the past few months, while Aria had been more willing to let her parents be there for her.

Which wasn't to say in any sense that either of them was all better. Ezra was still struggling with his nightmares, and Aria was still working her way through her issues with him. Still, the afternoon had brought success for their relationship, and left both of them in a cheerful mood.

Hardy looked over at Ezra. "I forgot to ask. How did your coffee date with Aria go?"

Ezra laughed, shaking his head as he looked over at his best friend. "It was **just **coffee. No date."

"Right," Hardy said, feigning belief. "So did she kiss you at the end?"

Ezra rolled his eyes, continuing to let his fingers move across the keyboard. "**No**. We got coffee and talked. It was nice."

Hardy chuckled, shaking his head. "You're keeping information from me."

Ezra rolled his eyes. "What could I possibly keep from **you**? You know everything, one way or another."

Hardy looked over at Ezra, tossing the paper he was reading onto the table and grabbing another from the stack. "Alright. Then have you told Jackie you and Aria aren't together?"

Ezra shook his head. "I don't need her thinking that I'm interested in her again. If she finds out I'm single some other way, that's to her on volition."

"Are you going to go out with the new history professor that keeps asking you out?" Hardy asked.

Ezra shook his head once more. "Nope."

Hardy sat up on the couch. "So it **was **a date!" he picked up a throw pillow from the end of the couch and threw it at Ezra's head. Ezra ducked, and it hit the window instead before falling to the floor.

"NO!" Ezra said, laughing again. "It was **just **coffee, like I told you!"

"Then why not go out on a date or profess your single status?" Hardy asked.

Ezra rolled his eyes at Hardy's inability to understand that not every guy wanted to go out and bag as many girls as he could in his twenties. He still very much loved Aria, and if the past few weeks had been any instance to show that they were moving in the right direction, then he wasn't giving up just yet.

"You got some plan figured out on how to get her back?" Hardy asked.

Ezra rolled his eyes and shook his head. "No. I'm just going to let things play themselves out, and if things work out in my corner, great. If not…" He paused for a moment, considering it. "I don't know. I guess then we'll see what happens."

His fingers began to move across the keys again, continuing to play the tune he had been for the past few minutes. It was something Aria had played for him during a brief mention that it had reminded her of him. She had laughed it off, which had only served to tell him that even if they were in a good place at the moment, she wasn't quite ready to jump head-first back into their relationship.

_-  
>Walk with me, come and walk with me<br>__To the edge of all we've ever known  
>-<em>

Aria flipped her textbook shut and looked around the room. She shared her study hall with Samara, Eden, and a girl named Katie, whom she'd met during her first week. She'd just finished her homework for her calculus class, and given that study hall was her last class for the day, she didn't have much else to do until the period ended.

Samara looked up from her desk to Aria's left, and looked at the open journal Aria had pulled out of her bag. "Finished?"

Aria nodded.

Samara looked up to the front of the room. The teacher seemed to be heavily immersed in whatever book she was reading. She looked back at Aria. "We were all gonna go to Eden's house for a cookout to study for midterms. You want to come?"

Aria frowned. "Another night? I've got an appointment and then I promised my friends from Rosewood Day that I'd meet up with them."

Samara smiled and nodded. "Sure. Let's have coffee tomorrow morning though. We haven't talked in days!"

Aria giggled softly. She and Samara had become good friends since the school year had started, but Samara was right. After the first ten school days had passed, they became more focused on their studies, and found themselves with less time to sit around and gossip. And, given that she had met up with Ezra twice already this week, she hadn't made much time for her friends.

The first few weeks hadn't been like that. Initially, she had avoided him after their impromptu meeting at the coffee shop. She had meant it when she needed time, and as much as she loved him, she needed to be able to breathe, and get through a day without him. It didn't change the fact that there wasn't a single day that didn't pass where she wasn't thinking about him.

Still, there was an unrelenting need for her to have time away from him, and know what it was like when people actually cared about what was going on in her life. It wasn't that she thought he was selfish or that he didn't deserve every ounce of attention people gave him, but she felt as if she deserved it as well.

After the first few weeks, and three meetings with her therapist, she had been the one to reach out and ask if he wanted to meet for coffee. She had extended the invitation via facebook, with the offer that she would pay. He had responded later in the day, which is what she had hoped for. She had known if he responded too eagerly that it would be a bad sign. She wanted him to be healthy **with **her, instead of _for _her.

The bell rang after a while, and she stood from her desk, tucking her journal into her bag. She said her goodbyes to Samara, Eden, and Katie before heading out of the room and down the hall to her locker. She opened it and grabbed the textbooks she would need before heading out of the building and walking over to her car.

She dropped her things in her passenger seat once she was settled inside of it and then started the car and pulled her seatbelt on. She pulled out of her parking space and then headed out of the lot and began her trek across town to the office that her therapist worked at.

As she did, she pulled a CD from above her head and pushed it into the player in her dash. It was the same CD that had been in Ezra's car when she'd driven him home from Hollis after Michael had told them about their court dates being scheduled. She'd taken the CD some time after that, but she had never actually listened to it.

As the first song started to play, she skipped past it. She'd heard it before. She paused as the next song kicked in and began to listen.

"_I think I've walked too close to love  
><em>_And now I'm falling in  
><em>_There's so many things this weary soul can't take  
><em>_Well maybe you just caught me by surprise  
><em>_The first time that I looked into your eyes_

_And there's a life inside of me  
><em>_That I can feel again  
><em>_And it's the only thing that  
><em>_Takes me where I've never been  
><em>_And I don't care if I lost everything  
><em>_That I have known  
><em>_Cause it don't matter  
><em>_Where I lay my head tonight  
><em>_Your arms feel like home…."_

She smiled as she turned the sound dial up. The CD was old; from around the time that they had told one another that they loved each other. She had often told him that the song made her think of him.

The song played through the entirety and then changed again, and she turned the dial down, though she continued to listen.

"_I woke up this morning  
><em>_With this feeling inside me that I can't explain  
><em>_Like a weight that I've carried,  
><em>_Been carried away…"_

Her smile pulled her further across her face as she reached over to turn the dial up.

_Aria moved CD's around the box in front of her, surprised at Ezra's collection. More than half of them were mix CD's, but the ones that weren't were all over the spectrum of musical genres. He had everything from heavy rock to classical; from musicals to metal. _

"_Do you even know what's on half of these?" She asked as she pulled one of the CD's off a spindle. It was the first one at the top. _

_Ezra chuckled, walking over to her. He picked up the one she was holding. "Well, this one I actually do."_

"Some sacred memory attached to it?" She asked as he offered her a hand. She took it and he helped her up from the floor before. He walked over to the small stereo he had on top of his bookshelf and put it inside before walking back over to her. The CD kicked in and she listened to the lyrics.

"_Dance?" He offered. _

_She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. _

"_It feels like today, I'm yours  
><em>_It feels like today, I'm sure  
><em>_It's the one thing that's missing  
><em>_The one thing I'm wishing  
><em>_The last sacred blessing, and hey  
><em>_It feels like today…"_

She pulled up to the doctors office and turned the car off. She grabbed her bag from the seat beside her and then made sure the car locked before she got out and walked up to the building. She walked inside and walked over to the check-in window before walking over to one of the chairs and sitting down in an open seat.

She was only seated for a few moments before Dr. Michaels walked out and waved her over. Aria walked over to the woman and then followed her into the room. Dr. Michaels closed the door and Aria walked over to the couch where she usually sat and took a seat.

"So how's your week been going?" Dr. Michaels asked as she walked over to her usual seat.

Aria shrugged, running a hand through her hair before letting it settle on her shoulder. "Ezra and I went out for coffee yesterday."

Dr. Michaels nodded. "How did that go?"

Aria chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. "I don't know, good, I guess. I mean it was a little awkward at first. Whenever we've had trouble with our relationship in the past, and faced breaking up, friendship wasn't really what we strived for."

"Is that what you are?" Dr. Michaels asked. "Broken up? Earlier on you've stated that you're taking a break. Have you decided to end things for good?"

Aria shrugged again and shook her head, taking a deep breath. "I really don't know. I know that the time away has been good. I mean, I'm still having nightmares, and I still don't really trust any guy I meet, but in a weird way, I'm happier."

"It helps when the focus isn't entirely pointed on someone else," Dr. Michaels said with a nod. She and Aria had spent more than one session discussing the effects of Ezra's issues on her, as well as how there had been more focus on Ezra since he was seemingly having a tougher situation than she was.

Aria looked around the room for a few moments.

"Lets talk about something else," Dr. Michaels said. "How are things with your friends back at Rosewood?"

Aria smiled a bit. "Better. I mean, it helps that they're all back in Pennsylvania, but it feels like things are going really well. They all seem like they're doing pretty good."

"And what about you? How do you feel when you're with them?" Dr. Michaels asked.

Aria shrugged again. "I don't know. I mean, I feel okay. It's not like it used to be, but they don't make me feel like I have to be who I used to be, either. It's comforting."

Dr. Michaels smiled. "What about your new friends at Sheridan Prep?"

Aria's smile grew. "Things are great there. They invited me to dinner tonight, but I already made plans with Hanna, Emily, and Spencer."

"Have you thought about inviting all of them to dinner somewhere? Like going out for pizza or something of the like?" Dr. Michaels asked.

Aria nodded. "We did last weekend. It was great too. It's just tough when everyone's talking about the current gossip and what's for homework."

"So tell me five things you liked about your week this week," Dr. Michaels said. It was an exercise they had started after Aria had broken things off with Ezra. The first week, she'd barely been able to name one thing, but after she'd been able to name two off the top of her head during her second week, Dr. Michaels had challenged her to name three. The stakes had been raised once again.

Aria took a deep breath. She knew two for sure. "First, coffee with Ezra was great. I didn't feel any pressure. Second, having dinner with all of my friends, new and old, the other night. Third…" She thought for a moment and then chuckled. "I passed a really tough calculus test this week, and I was so sure I was going to fail, so that was great."

She paused for a bit longer, trying to think of more things that she'd liked about her week. Instead, her mind went in another direction, and her smile faltered.

"What is it?" Dr. Michaels asked.

Aria sighed, picking at her nail polish. "I was just thinking about after I'd passed my test. I'd wanted to call Ezra, but it had been before I'd extended the coffee invitation. It just didn't feel right, wanting to call him up and tell him that. Like I said, we've never really done the friendship road, before."

"So what did you do instead?" Dr. Michaels asked.

Aria smiled again. "I called Spencer, and she said she was proud of me. I guess that was another highlight of my week. I don't think I can even name five times I've ever heard that from Spencer."

"Do you think she's not proud of you?" Dr. Michaels asked.

"No, no," Aria said dismissively. "Her family is just really tough on her, and I know that she doesn't hear that very often, even if it's implied. She tries to be better about it, I know she does. It was just nice to actually hear it."

Dr. Michaels smiled. "That leaves one more."

Aria thought for a moment and then reached into her purse. She'd written a list of things she'd liked about her week earlier in the week, and forgotten about it. She pulled it out and then opened it up. The things she'd already named were on the list, as well as one more.

"Orrick sent me a video of some of my friends back in Iceland saying hi. I haven't even heard from most of them since I left Iceland last year, so it was really cool to get to see how they'd changed. I got e-mails from a few of them too, and that was really nice."

"Would you ever want to go back to Iceland?" Dr. Michaels asked.

Aria folded her sheet back up. "I don't know. Maybe. I loved being over there."

_-  
>Every morning, you are nowhere to be found<br>__And my bed is half empty, not half full  
>-<em>

Ezra rubbed his hand over his wrist as he leaned against the wall in his therapists' office. Most of the chairs were filled, and he'd just come from teaching his last class of the day. Even though he'd been without a cast for almost a month, he still occasionally had pains in his wrist.

"Ezra?"

He looked up and then pushed off the wall and walked across the room to Adam. The older man appeared to be swamped in his own work; he was hold three files on one arm while he scribbled on the top one.

"Tough day?" Ezra asked as they walked into the room.

Adam chuckled. "Yeah. I'm sure you've got your own share of paperwork."

Ezra nodded, following Adam into the small office they spent his appointments in. "And my hand is not happy with me because of it. Plenty of cramping."

Adam waved his hand towards a chair as he walked over to his desk. He dropped the files he was holding onto it and then dropped his pen on top of them and walked over to his chair and sat down across from Ezra.

"So how's everything going this week?" He asked.

"Pretty standard," Ezra murmured, turning his wrist over under his grip. "Aria and I had coffee. My parents apparently dating again. Oh, and my brother is transferring to Hollis."

Adam laughed. "And you think that's standard?"

Ezra shrugged. "I'm poorly attempt to go with the flow. Whether or not it's actually working is beyond my sense of understanding. I never thought my parents would figure out how to make a relationship work. The ending of their marriage was the ugliest thing I've ever seen."

"Does that bother you?" Adam asked.

Ezra shook his head. "Why would it?"

Adam shrugged, though it was more for Ezra than himself. "Your parents are together, working through issues that they've had for more than a decade. You and Aria are on the edge of either making things work again or falling apart completely. That doesn't bother you in the slightest?"

"Does it bother me that my now _ex-_girlfriend and I are torn between fixing our multitude of issues that were **thrown **at us, or breaking up and being forced into a world where we're just friends, **after **spending a year fighting the system and everyone else to stay together? Yeah, it bothers me. It bothers me that I hurt her in all of this, and that she's happier without me than she was with me."

"So what're you gonna do about it?" Adam asked.

Ezra laughed. "Well, since _doing _things has gotten me nowhere, I'm going to **attempt **to do the opposite, and **not **do anything and then pray like hell that when it's all said and done, she still loves me and wants to be with me."

Adam nodded. He shifted in his seat, crossing one leg over the other so that his ankle rested on his knee. "So talk to me about other things. How're you sleeping?"

Ezra took a deep breath. "Better, I guess. Still having nightmares, but not as bad."

"And what about you and Hardy?" Adam asked. "Are you two still getting along well?"

Ezra nodded. "All the arguing stopped after he and Jackie stopped fighting with each other." As the words came out of his mouth, he still couldn't believe he was saying them. He still felt like he was talking about two people he'd never met.

"Do you still talk with Jackie?" Adam asked.

Ezra shrugged again. "When I see her at Hollis. We say hey, or have a five word conversation. We're not really friends though."

Adam nodded.

The appointment continued in the same fashion, and when it ended, they parted ways after Ezra had scheduled an appointment for the same time the following week before heading out of the building.

He headed back to Hollis, where he made his way to his office so that he could pack up the things he'd been forced to leave behind in order to make his appointment on time.

He walked over to his desk and began filling his briefcase with the things he'd left behind. He looked up a few moments later when someone knocked on his door.

Byron popped his head into the room. Ezra waved at him before turning his attention back to the things he was placing into his bag.

"What's up?" he asked, picking up his empty coffee thermos.

"We're looking to get a final headcount for the conference next month. It's Halloween weekend with the Red Cross gala at the Hyatt at the end of it? Were you planning on attending?" Byron asked.

Ezra placed the last of his things into his bag and then opened up the planner resting on his desk to the following month. He ran his index finger over the pages, looking over what was penciled in before his eyes came to fall on the notes. "Yep. Are they looking for the deposit for hotel rooms already?"

Byron nodded. "Something to do with the fact that the rooms are filling up fast, and if your money isn't in for the reservation by Friday, you're on your own to find a place to stay."

Ezra chuckled as he dug into his bag and pulled out a checkbook. He flipped it open to a fresh page and then scrawled his signature down. "How much for the weekend?"

"Four fifty," Byron replied.

Ezra looked back up at him, wide-eyed. "Seriously? It'd be cheaper to stay at my parents place!"

Byron chuckled, nodding. "I know. We're talking about staying at Ella's parents instead."

Ezra shook his head, scribbling down the amount onto the check before he pulled it from the small booklet and settled it on the desk before placing the checkbook back in his bag. He slung the bag onto his shoulder and then walked over to Byron and handed it to him.

"That all?" He asked as they walked out of the room.

Byron shrugged. "We should really start planning out the final. Aria's out of the house tonight with her friends if you want to come by for dinner?"

Ezra considered it for a moment. "You know, I really haven't paid any time to my parents lately. I've got time free tomorrow after class though."

Byron nodded. "Sounds good."

They began to head down the hall, and as they reached the doors that led to the parking lot, Ezra headed towards them while Byron turned to head back towards his own office. It was only when Byron called his name, that Ezra turned around.

"Hmm?" Ezra asked as he pulled his keys out of his bag.

"You know that you're still welcome in the Montgomery home."

Ezra mulled over what Byron was saying to him, and then looked back up at the older man. "It doesn't really feel that way. Aria is your daughter, and she wanted time away. And believe it or not, it hurts me that **I **hurt her. So I'd rather stay away until I'm sure she's ready for me to be back in her life. Just…stay friends."

He didn't wait for an answer from Byron before he walked out of the building and made his way over to his car. He got into it and started it, settling his things in the passenger seat.

He made his way through the small town, and in a matter of minutes, he was pulling up to Anne's home. He parked his car in the driveway and then turned the car off before grabbing his keys. He unbuckled himself and got out of the car before locking the doors and walking up to the front door.

Ezra opened the door and walked inside.

"I'm home," he called through the house. It wasn't necessarily that he actually considered the house home - his true home with his parents would always be their home in New York. Still, with the way things were going with his parents, he was comfortable using the same sentiment with the home his mother had bought in Rosewood.

"EJ!" Anne said cheerfully from the kitchen.

He walked into the room and smiled at his mother as he grabbed a coffee mug from one of the counters and then proceeded to fill it with the pot she must've brewed recently, as it was still full. He added creamer and a bit of sugar to it.

"How's your day going?" He asked as he lifted the cup to his lips. The liquid was still hot as it ran down his throat.

Anne smiled at him. "Quite well so far. All my patients were in oddly high spirits today. That always makes me happy." She settled her pen on the table, closing the file she'd been writing in. "What about you? How was your appointment?"

Ezra shrugged. "Alright." He settled his coffee mug down on the counter and looked down at it.

"You seem depressed," she said. "You doing okay today?"

He looked back up at her and forced a smile. "I guess. Tomorrow will be better, right?"

She smiled at him. "Right." She stood from her seat and grabbed her briefcase from the floor. She placed her things back inside it and then looked back up at him. "Your father and I are getting dinner tonight in the city. You're welcome to join us if you want to."

Ezra took a deep breath, stirring a spoon around in his coffee mug. "I think I'm going to order in and then grade some papers. Thanks for the offer, though."

Anne nodded. "Well if you change your mind, we're not meeting for another two hours. I have to run up to the clinic though for a consult." She walked over to him and kissed the side of his head. "Feel free to stick around."

Ezra nodded, taking another drink from his coffee cup. "You mind if I stay the night?"

She smiled, running her hand down the back of his head. "Of course not, sweetie. You're always welcome here."

_-  
>I just wanna run to you and break off the chains and throw them away<br>__I just wanna be so much, and shake off the dust that turned me to rust  
>-<em>

Aria settled a set of papers in front of Byron at the kitchen table. "It's worth part of my English mid-term. Can you read it over?"

Byron looked up at her. "Of course, sweetie, but why not your mom?"

Aria shrugged. "She already did. I just don't want to fail."

Byron chuckled. "Sure. Are you staying in to have dinner with us, or have you got plans again?"

Aria walked over to the fridge where her keys were hanging on the side of it and grabbed them. "I made plans with Hanna, Emily, and Spencer. We're going to have dinner."

"You sure do spend quite a bit of time away these days," Byron said lightly with a laugh. "Not having _too _much fun, are you?"

"No," Aria replied cheerfully. "I just feel… I don't know. Happy."

Byron nodded. "Well that's great."

Aria walked over to the chair next to his and grabbed the sweatshirt she'd left hanging on the back of it. She pulled it on and then zipped it up before heading out of the room, and then out of the house. She walked to her car and got in.

Once she'd pulled away from the house, she headed into town towards the grill, where she had agreed to meet Hanna, Spencer, and Emily. She arrived there just before six, which is when they had agreed to meet. She turned her car off and then looked around for any sign of her friends. It seemed as if they had yet to arrive.

She sighed and got out of the car, and then walked around it and into the grille. She walked up to the bar and sat down. A waitress placed a menu in front of her before walking away, insisting that she'd be back in a few moments.

Aria flipped the menu open and looked it over. She wasn't quite sure what she wanted for dinner.

"Aria?!"

She turned on her seat, and a smile crossed her face. "Holden!"

He walked over to her and they hugged before he sat down on the seat next to her. "I haven't seen you since…I don't know, like July!"

Aria chuckled, nodding. "I guess I got kind of busy after vacation."

"Are you home schooling now?" Holden asked.

Aria shook her head. "I decided to go to Sheridan Prep."

Holden nodded. The waitress who had given Aria her menu returned and looked over at Holden.

"Strauss order, right?" She asked. Holden nodded. "I'll get that for you right now."

"So are you here alone tonight?" He asked.

Aria shook her head again. "I'm just waiting on Spencer, Hanna, and Emily. They should be here soon."

Holden nodded. "We should hang out soon, then. Later this week, or next."

Aria nodded in agreement. "Yeah. I think I've got a free day at the end of next week." She laughed a little as she spoke. "Apparently my social life is alive again."

Holden smiled. "Good. You deserve to be happy."

The waitress settled a bag of food on the counter in front of him. He handed her several bills and then turned to Aria as he moved off the stool.

"Call me later this week. We'll plan ahead."

Aria nodded. She watched as Holden paid for his purchases and then headed out of the grill. As he did, he waved to someone, and a few moments later, Spencer walked into the building. She smiled as soon as she saw Aria and walked over to her.

"Glad to see you showed up!" She said happily. Aria stood and hugged her.

"Did I give you any reason to believe I wouldn't?" She asked.

Spencer chuckled. "No. I just know the last few months have been tough for you. I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop with you."

Aria smirked and shook her head. "I'm not. If the shoe drops, oh well. But I'm just gonna ride the wave in the meantime." She looped her arm into Spencer's arm and followed her over to the table they'd reserved earlier in the evening. "So tell me how things are going in your life while we wait."


	30. You Know That It Was Really Love

_Chapter 30_

_You Know That It Was Really Love Actually_

Aria stretched as she awoke, groaning softly in the darkness of the large room. She lifted her head up off of where she was currently resting and looked around. She was aware of her surroundings, but she couldn't quite remember how she'd gotten there.

There were Chinese containers on the table in front of her, and the TV screen had long since turned blue. The rest of the lights in the room were out, and Ezra was still fast asleep on the couch next to her.

_Samara snatched a fry off of Aria's plate as she scribbled an answer into her calculus notebook. "Please tell me you're finished with tomorrows assignment, because I don't get it."_

"Yeah," Aria said with a light laugh. "I am. As soon as I finish this worksheet, I'll show you."

_Katie sat down at the table in the seat on the other side of Aria. "I need help too!"_

_Samara looked up from her textbook. "That's because she spends too much time on the phone with her new boy. What's his name? Ivan?"_

_Aria chuckled, shaking her head at them as her phone began to buzz on the table next to her. _

"_**I'm patching up my heart again  
><strong>__**Every time it explodes  
><strong>__**Don't tell me that I've gone insane  
><strong>__**I know…"**_

_She slid the arrow across the screen and then lifted it to her ear as she filled in the final answer on her history sheet. "Hey. What's up?" _

"_I know we're doing this whole friend thing right now, but you've been with your girlfriends so much lately, I haven't wanted to interrupt," Ezra replied. "So I was thinking…"  
><em>

"_I'm free tonight," she replied. "The rest of my week is booked." She couldn't help but laugh as she said that. Samara and Katie began to argue over a coffee cake in front of her. She smacked their hands and then snatched it and began to eat it. _

_Ezra chuckled, presumably because he could hear the current argument. "In that case, are you interested in joining me in a movie night? I'm avoiding grading papers." _

_Aria paused for a moment, and Katie and Samara each stole a piece of the coffee cake. "Isn't that basically a date?" She asked after a moment. _

"_I guess….except that it wouldn't be." Ezra replied. _

"_How so?" She asked curiously. She wanted to know how he'd squirm his way out of this one. _

"_Well, you'll still bring the movie, and I'll still get the food, but when you go home, there won't be a kiss goodnight." He replied. _

_She chuckled at his reply, if not a little nervously. "Okay. I guess I could do that. I'll see you later." _

She stood from the couch and stretched more as the memory came to her, reminding her of why she had been there. They'd been watching the new Sherlock Holmes movie, and some time after the fight scene in the bar, she'd passed out. How she'd gone from having several inches of space between she and Ezra to being curled up under him was beyond her recollection. She supposed it was possible that it had happened because it was what she was subconsciously familiar with.

She placed empty food cartons on a tray and then lifted the tray and walked over to the kitchen. Ezra roused as she began tossing them in the trash and looked over at her. "What time is it?"

Aria looked over at the clock. "Almost ten."

He sat up and stretched before grabbing the rest of the empty cartons and the few leftovers and walking over to the kitchen and throwing them away.

"You sure you'll be okay getting back to Rosewood tonight?" Ezra asked.

The both looked over towards the windows. It was raining, but it wasn't anything that she hadn't faced before. Aria nodded.

"I should be fine," she said. "It's not that long of a drive, and I'll go slow. The highway shouldn't be that clogged up by this time."

She stepped around him and walked over to the coffee table. She picked up her purse off of it. Ezra met her at the door and opened it for her. Aria smiled up at him and then hugged him.

"Tonight was fun," she said. "We should do it again."

He chuckled. "Yeah. Minus the whole falling asleep twenty minutes into the movie part," he replied.

She giggled, pulling away from him a moment later. They shared a glance, and then he tilted his head down and brushed his lips over hers. Aria gulped and then suddenly turned her head away before it could progress any further.

"I'm gonna go," she murmured," pointing towards the hallway. Ezra nodded watched as she walked out of the apartment and made her way down the hallway to the elevator. She passed Hardy on her way, but said nothing as she stepped onto the elevator and rode it down to the parking garage.

Once the doors had closed and shut Ezra away from her, a heavy breath she didn't know she'd been holding escaped her, and her shoulders dropped.

She and Ezra had officially been broken up for more than six weeks. October was upon them, and when she'd accepted his invitation earlier in the evening, she had assumed he'd meant it when he told her that it was **just **as friends.

**No.** She knew for a fact that the kiss they had shared hadn't been intended; that he was just as surprised by it as she was, even if he had initiated it.

Still, it stirred up a lot of questions. The first being what it meant. She was quite comfortable in their current arrangement, even though they hadn't actually seen that much of each other in recent weeks. Of course she still loved him, but the time apart had been something she requested, and it had gone well so far. She was actually getting somewhere in her therapy instead of spending every session worrying about him, and whether or not anyone was going to realize that she needed to be tended to as well.

She knew it wasn't fair to place all the blame on him. She hadn't spoken up when she needed to, which certainly hadn't helped the situation. She also knew that he was working hard on his own issues as well. Still, she was afraid of going back to what they had been. The phrase _'why mess with a good thing' _came to mind.

As she approached her car, she pulled her keys from her pocket and unlocked the car. Once she was inside, she grabbed her phone from the middle of the dash, where she'd left it earlier in the day. She grabbed the Bluetooth headset she had as well and put it into her ear before scrolling through her contacts and finding Spencer's number.

As she started her car and pulled out of the parking garage, the phone rang. It continued to ring and ring, until she was sure the voicemail was going to pick up. She was almost sure of defeat when the line finally clicked over.

"_Hey," _came Spencer's cheerful voice. _"I was just studying. What's up?"  
><em>

"Ezra just kissed me." The words were out of her mouth before she could think to stop them, or think of a better way to have possibly phrased them. But that was the truth wasn't it?

"_Wow." _

Spencer's answer did nothing to make Aria feel better. She groaned and sunk back in her seat as she reached a red light.

"That doesn't help me process this, Spence. We've been doing so well, just being friends. I thought we were on the same page. Now I'm not sure."

"_Well, did you think about maybe talking to him about it all?" _Spencer asked.

Aria chewed lightly on the inside of her bottom lip. "No," she said tentatively. "I kind of ran away like a chicken with my head cut off because it surprised me."

Spencer laughed. _"Well that's __**very **__effective. Just call him tomorrow and ask him about it. I'm sure he'll have an answer for you." _

Aria sighed, pressing lightly on the gas as the light turned green. "I just don't want everything we've worked for these past few weeks to be shot to hell."

"_Whatever's meant to happen, will happen. So just keep that in mind when you're talking to him!" _Spencer replied in a coaching manner. _"If you're meant to be with him, that'll happen. And if you're not, then that'll happen instead." _

"You're **so **helpful," Aria laughed as she switched lanes and headed towards the highway.

"_Hey, you called me," _Spencer replied with a laugh. _"Free advice is worth the price you pay." _

_-  
>I just met you and this is crazy, so here's my number; call me maybe<br>-_

Hardy walked into the apartment and over to the coffee table. He dropped his keys into the bowl in the middle of it and then walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He pulled out a beer from the door as Ezra walked back into the room.

"Hey," Ezra murmured as he took a bottle when Hardy offered it. He popped the cap off and took a long drink from it.

"Why do you seem like someone just stole your lollipop?" Hardy asked. "And what was with Aria acting all weird?"

Ezra looked back up at him. "You saw her?"

Hardy nodded. "I passed her on my way in. She seemed…I don't know. Like her head was somewhere else."

Ezra nodded, walking over to the piano. He sat down on the bench and sighed. "I kissed her."

Hardy's eyebrows raised, and a slight chuckle escaped him. "Well, considering she didn't walk out of here with a smile on her face, what the hell happened?!"

Ezra shook his head, running his hand over the black and white keys. "I don't know. We fell asleep, and when we woke up, she was getting ready to leave. I don't know what I was thinking I just…" He sighed, frustrated. "I kissed her. I don't know what I was thinking. It just happened."

"So are you going to try and get her back?" Hardy asked.

Ezra shook his head again, taking a sip from his beer. "I don't **know**. I know we're on a so-called time out, and that she needed space, but I don't want it to be something I push on her. I want her to come to me."

"And what if that doesn't happen?" Hardy asked. "Are you just going to sit back and hold your breath?"

Ezra took another drink from his beer and then shook his head. "I don't know what's going to happen if she still doesn't want to get back together. All I can do is try."

_-  
>I'm wide awake now, and I'm holding your picture<br>__It's so cold here without you, without you  
>-<em>

Aria slammed her English textbook shut and looked around the room. The bell was going to ring momentarily, and then she was planning to head over to Hollis to talk with Ezra. She'd taken up Spencer on her suggestion and was going to see Ezra. Still, her focus had been all over the map since the night before. She couldn't get her head into the game regardless of how hard she tried.

The bell rang, and she shot up out of her seat. She breezed past Katie and Samara, out of study hall and down the hall to her locker. She yanked it open and grabbed the books she needed for the night before heading out of the building.

Once she was in her car, she wasted no time getting out of the parking lot. Her mind was entirely set on getting to Hollis. She just barely paid enough mind to the road, nearly running several lights and stop signs in her reckless need to get back into her own head space.

She arrived Hollis a few minutes later, and parked messily into an open space before getting out of the car and walking up to the doors that led into the English department. She yanked open one of the doors and then walked inside and headed up to Ezra's office and knocked on the door before opening it.

She looked around the room as she stood inside the doorway. The lights were on behind his desk, but he wasn't in the room. She pulled her cell phone from her pocket and looked down at the time. 2:45. His last class wouldn't be finished for fifteen more minutes.

She exhaled a breath and walked into the room before walking over to the couch and sitting down. As she looked around, she couldn't help but be reminded of the many conversations they'd had in that room.

_She exhaled a weary breath as she rested her head on his chest. "I told you fifteen minutes was enough time," she giggled. _

_Ezra began to shake below her, and she looked up to see him laughing. "That was enough for you? You seemed more frustrated than that when you showed up here."_

Aria sighed and shook her head, looking back up at him. "No, it really wasn't." She pushed herself up on the couch so that she was straddling his hips. "But it's just going to have to do for now." She trailed a finger down his chest, towards his belt buckle. "Unless you plan on bailing on your class."

He laughed, shaking his head at her. He placed his hands on her hips and moved her slightly as he sat up. "That's a nice idea, but I really have to get to work. I haven't been here long enough to start getting lazy about my duties."

"Aria?"

She looked up at Ezra and smiled as he stepped into the room. "Hey."

He looked out into the hallway and then back at her as he started to pull his door shut. "Is something wrong?"

She shook her head, running the palms of her hands down over her dark-wash blue jeans. She folded her hands over the top of her over-the-knee leather boots. "Not at all. I just…" She stood and walked over to his desk, running her fingers over the edge of the cherry wood. It reminded her of the day he'd told her about everything that had happened to him. She looked back up at him. "I thought we should talk. About yesterday."

Ezra nodded, leaning over to settle a few books on the coffee table in front of the couch. "Yeah. I was going to call you about that. I didn't…I mean, I-" He smiled, shrugging.

Aria nodded. "I get it."

Ezra walked over to her, though he left a few inches of space between them. Aria hopped up onto the back of his desk and crossed one leg over the other, letting her legs swing lazily.

"I guess I should ask where you **want **us to stand," he said. "I mean, last night…" He took a deep breath and shook his head. "I didn't plan it. I honestly intended on sticking to what I said when I told you that it was just supposed to be two friends having dinner and a movie. But…"

Aria watched him as he spoke. She could see his emotions as they played across his face, telling her what he was trying to put into words. He looked back up at her.

"I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't love you still. And I want you to have the time that you need. I don't want to make you feel like you have to come back into this because it's what I want. You deserve to make that choice on your own and it wouldn't be fair for me to push you. I feel like I've taken enough away from you as it is."

She nodded tentatively. When she was sure Ezra had finished speaking, she answered him.

"When I think about where we are now…" She picked at her nail polish, looking around the room. "I think about how happy we used to be, before everything happened. And sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm just fooling myself because I knew you for all of twelve hours before Mona started stalking me and my friends, and shattered that bubble. I wonder if maybe what we were a part of was just all in my head, and that's what I want. To keep the good parts that were in my head, because we don't know how to function when we're both truly happy." She took a deep breath. "And then I come back to thinking about how we are now, and how it seems like where we are now, just being friends, things have been better than they really **ever **have been." She paused for a moment, looking up at him. A knot had formed in her throat, and she could feel tears starting to fill her eyes. "I don't want to ruin that."

The meaning of her words hit Ezra like a freight train, but it was all he could do to keep it off of his face. For all the things he'd taken from her in the past, he didn't want her to feel like this was her fault too. "So where does that leave us?"

Aria shrugged, smiling ruefully. "Friends, still?" She exhaled a heavy breath. "If that's what you want. I don't want to hurt you."

He shook his head, closing the gap between them as he took her hands in his. "I want you in my life, Aria. Regardless of the capacity." He reached a hand up and caressed her cheek. She smiled at him.

"But," he said. "Maybe you should…try seeing someone else."

Her brow furrowed slightly. "Why?"

He attempted to smile, but it faltered, and he shook his head, leaning forward. He brushed his nose up against hers and then looked down into her eyes. "Because I love you, and I need to be selfish long enough for you to tell me if there's a chance for us to fix this…or if I should just let go and move on."

She gulped, gauging the reality of what he was saying to her. It made her think back to the week before when she and Holden had gotten together for dinner.

"_So how is life at Rosewood Day?" Aria asked as she moved food around on her plate. _

_Holden shrugged, chuckling. "Don't Spencer, Emily, and Hanna tell you all about the gossip over there?" _

_Aria nodded, chewing a piece of deep fried ravioli. She smiled as the flavour filled her mouth. "Yeah, but I wasn't asking about the gossip. I was asking __**you**__ how you were enjoying senior year." _

_Holden shrugged. "It's the same students we've been in school with for the last decade. it's the same drama and the same antics that have been going on since we all met each other in pre-k. I swear, I'm counting down the days until graduation when I can leave this town and not be surrounded by all this crap." _

_Aria chuckled. "Me too, trust me." _

_Holden looked up at her. "Yeah, you're going to NYU with that Fitz guy, right?" _

_Aria took a deep breath as she picked up her glass and took a drink. "I don't know. Ezra and I have been on a break for a few weeks, and I really don't know what's going to happen with us." _

_Holden was quiet for a few moments. "So…I mean, are you…dating?"  
><em>

_Aria shook her head. "No. Not right now. Or, well, I guess- I don't really know. I haven't really considered it up to this point. Maybe." _

_Holden just nodded. _

"You're really sure about this?" Aria asked as she looked up into his blue orbs.

Ezra nodded. "There's nothing I want more than for you to be happy, Aria. That's all that's ever mattered to me."

_-  
>All that you rely on, and all that you can say<br>__Will leave you in the morning, and find you in the day  
>-<em>

Aria looked around the restaurant as she ran her hands down the front of the dress she was wearing. It was a hunter green dress with a sweetheart neckline and a pleated skirt. She'd worn ankle boots with the outfit, and had her hair pulled back into a simple ponytail, with a few tendrils left down to frame her face.

She spotted Holden as he walked through the door and waved to him as he crossed the room. She couldn't help but feel nervous, and she wasn't quite sure why. She'd been friends with Holden for years, and by all technicality, she'd been out with him on a date before. Granted, on the previous date, she'd gone just so that she could see if Ezra was going to show up. Still, she felt nervous in a good way.

She had taken what Ezra had said to heart for two reasons. The first had been that she knew that he was right. She needed to know how she felt for sure. While it was somewhat for his benefit that she was embarking on this endeavor, she was also doing it for herself. After all she'd been through, she couldn't help but wonder if there wasn't something out there that would make her happier, or if Ezra was truly where her heart laid.

Holden walked over to the table and handed her a bouquet of roses. She smiled at him.

"For me?" She asked cheerfully.

He nodded, smiling. "I know it's not exactly as cute as the gummy worms, but…"

Aria shook her head, lifting the flowers up to smell them. Daffodils. She loved daffodils. "No, no, it's sweet. Thank you."

Holden sat down in the booth across from her and looked down at the menu resting there. "Did you order yet?"

Aria shook her head again. "Just a drink. I was waiting for you."

He smiled at her, looking down at the menu. He perused it for a bit before looking back up at her as a waiter settled a glass of water on the table for him. He ordered a glass of pepsi before the waiter walked away.

"So, was school totally interesting today?" He said jokingly.

Aria shrugged, chuckling. "I um, I wouldn't know. I had a doctors appointment today, so I missed half the day."

Holden nodded. "You're not sick, are you?"

She shook her head, taking a sip from her water. "No, no. Nothing like that. They were just running tests."

Holden nodded again as he took a drink from his own glass of water. The date occurred to him, and then he understood what she was talking about. October fifteenth. Six months to the day. She'd been in for an HIV test.

It wasn't that she was a high-risk candidate, but Aria and her parents had agreed long before a trial had ever been discussed that those were tests that she would adamantly fight to have done. She didn't want to put her health at risk just because someone called her a low-risk candidate.

"Does that still bug you?" Holden asked tentatively. "The day? Or anything like that?"

Aria shrugged. "I still think about it, and I still have nightmares. But I try not to let it dominate my life." She was quiet for a moment before she looked back up at him nervously. "Do you still talk to Grady? I mean I know you guys were close friends before everything…"

Holden shook his head as he looked up at her. "Not at all. I haven't spoken to him since the day after that, and I have no use to talk to him. Truth be told most of the student body doesn't talk to him. I don't know anyone that does. Some of them were ignorant after the fact, but everyone believes you, Aria. Everyone knows you were telling the truth."

She nodded, and then turned her menu shut and forced a smile on her face as the waiter returned with pepsi's for each of them. Aria took a drink from hers. When the waiter had walked away, she looked back at Holden.

"I'm sorry, this is supposed to be fun. Let's…I don't want to stay start over, but, start fresh?" She offered.

Holden smiled at her and nodded.

Though Aria didn't initially expect it, the date went better than she thought it might. They enjoyed a nice meal, and then saw a movie at the theatre in Philadelphia before heading back to Rosewood in separate cars. Even so, Holden followed her back to her parents house in his own car, and walked her up to the porch at the end of the night.

"I had fun," she said cheerfully as they came to stand on the steps. She turned towards Holden and smiled. "Thanks for doing this with me."

He nodded. "I think it was even better than last time."

Aria chuckled, nodding. "It helps when I'm not looking over my shoulder every ten seconds to see if there's another guy standing there."

"Very true," Holden said with a laugh.

The wind blew, and Aria shivered, running her hands up and down her arms. She looked down at the watch she was wearing. Ten fifteen. "I should go in," she said softly.

Holden nodded again. They stood there for a moment longer before he leaned forward and kissed her. It was quick and chaste. As he pulled away, Aria leaned into him slightly, kissing him once more. They parted a few seconds later, and she smiled at him once more before reaching for the doorknob to the house. She turned it and then waved to him as she stepped inside the house.

Once she closed the door, she leaned back against it, taking a deep breath. Her mind swam with thoughts, and she didn't even know how to begin sorting them.

She stood there several moments longer before she stood up straight and climbed the stairs to her bedroom. When she reached it, she shut her bedroom door and then proceeded to remove her clothes before grabbing a pair of flannel pajama pants and a loose t-shirt and changing into them.

She walked into her bathroom and turned on the light and the sink, and began the process of removing the makeup that she'd applied earlier in the evening. It took a few minutes, but once she had her face entirely clean, it almost glowed red from all the scrubbing.

She turned the light off and then walked back into her room and grabbed her phone from where it laid amongst her discarded items on the floor, and walked over to her bed. She plugged it into the charger and then grabbed her laptop from the floor. She walked over to her window seat and sat down, settling her laptop on her legs as she pushed the lid open.

It took several minutes to load, during which she stared out the window. It was beginning to rain, and she could see the tree that had fallen through the window in the sitting room a few months earlier. It had been trimmed quite a bit since then, and her parents were talking with the neighbors about cutting it down entirely and splitting the fire wood.

Her computer chimed as her various programs finished loading up, and she looked back at her screen. Spencer had instant messaged her.

**HastyHastings: So did the date answer all the questions you needed?**

Aria stared at the message for a few moments, letting her fingers rest on the keyboard for several long moments before she finally typed a message back.

**RosewoodHappiness10: Yes. I still love Ezra, and I always will. **


	31. When You're Close I Feel Like

**A/N: **Totally name-dropped in this chapter for a friend, who I almost **never **get to talk to anymore, but whom without I never would've started writing PLL fan fiction. He knows who he is. (And he's probably going to kill me!)

Also, on the subject of Centennial ball rooms at the Hyatt… I don't know if every hotel has them, but when I stayed at their hotel in Denver, they did.

_Chapter 31_

_When You're Close, I Feel Like Coming Undone_

The next week passed before any member of the Fitz and Montgomery families knew what had hit them. Aria and Mike were both swept up heavily by the midterms that brought an onslaught of tests, and Byron and Ezra weren't exempt from the work either as they applied tests and papers to their own students. By the time Halloween rolled around, the much-needed break was greeted with open arms, and both families were ready for the long weekend away.

Aria shoved clothes around on her bed, trying to figure out what to pack. She already had several pairs of sweats for sleeping and for lounging around, as well as a wealthy stock of sweaters, given that the first snow storm was supposed to hit Sunday morning. Finding the dress she was going to wear for the gala was an entirely different story all together. Ella had given her the option of going out to buy a new dress, but she still wasn't sure.

Spencer looked up from her phone as Aria pulled a pair of jeans from her suitcase and threw them back on the bed.

"How hard is it to pack for four days?!" She laughed. "You're leaving tomorrow afternoon when school gets out!"

Aria sighed pitifully, looking up at Spencer. "I don't know what to take! I'm finally going to talk to Ezra, and I haven't even got a clue what to say. It's affecting my wardrobe choices."

Spencer raised her eyebrows. "Seriously? You haven't talked to Ezra yet?" When Aria didn't say anything, it only further enticed Spencer's reaction. "Aria! It's been ten days!"

"I know!" She argued back. "And I had midterms and all that. I just… I didn't want to tell him I went out on a date with another guy over the phone, and I also wanted to be absolutely sure that what I'm doing is the right thing."

"But you've spent time with him _since _then!" Spencer replied.

Aria sighed again and sunk down onto her bed next to Spencer. "I'm scared, Spence. We're in **such **a good spot right now, and I **do **want to be with him. I know that I do. I just don't want to try and take this step forward and then find out that we're taking steps backward instead."

Spencer smiled ruefully. "Well you'll never know unless you try. And you never know. You could end up being happier than ever before. I highly doubt that your relationship only works when there's drama fuelling it."

Aria looked up at Spencer hopefully. "You think?"

"Yes!" Spencer replied. "You and Ezra have that crazy, once-in-a-lifetime, make people want to vomit, kind of love. You've had some major bumps in the road, but you've taken time away from each other, and you've had your good moments. I think that you two can have anything you want. I also think that you love each other more than anything, and that you'll choose each other over anything else. He loves you, Aria. **Pick** **him**."

Aria chuckled, getting back up and sorting through the clothes on her bed again, picking and choosing as she went. "Are you sure there isn't something in this for you?"

Spencer laughed. "Yeah right. Like what? He's **your **boyfriend. Unless you've got some idea in your head that he'll move onto the next student."

Aria glared at her.

"I'm just kidding!" Spencer laughed. "All I'm going to gain out of it is the sleep that I've been missing when you call me at 11 PM to talk about whether or not you've made the right choice." Her expression softened. "Aria, you'll know when you see him and talk to him whether or not you've made the right choice. You've been through enough in these past few months and had enough life lessons in the past year to figure out whether this will be right for you."

_-  
>In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream<br>__It's like a million little stars spelling out your name  
>-<em>

Ezra sighed as he scribbled a _B _on the top of a paper and then moved it into the much smaller pile of the papers he was already finished with. He picked up the coffee he'd gotten on the way over and took a long sip from it before settling it back on the counter and opening the next paper.

"Hey sweetie," Anne said as she settled a bag of groceries on the counter. "How's it coming?"

Ezra sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Slowly. I haven't even started packing for this weekend." He looked up at her. "What time are you guys leaving tomorrow?"

Anne began to take groceries out of the bag she'd carried in. "Probably around noon. Are you going to stay in the hotel?"

Ezra shook his head. "At least not tonight. I'll go and get everything cleaned up."

"Ezra, you don't have to do that," Anne told him as she placed a gallon of milk into the fridge.

He looked back up at her as he closed the paper he'd been reading. "Honestly, I've got to get out of Rosewood before I lose my mind. I can't…" He exhaled heavy breath, shaking his head again.

She turned back to face him and leaned down against the counter. "Is something wrong?"

Ezra chuckled angrily. "Nothing more than the usual. Trauma-based depression is a bitch."

"I thought things were going okay," she said gently.

Ezra shook his head, looking up at her. "One minute they are, and the next they aren't. I feel like I'm trying to navigate my emotions through a god-damned mine field."

She nodded. "So leave now. Get out of town, and go home."

"Running away from my problems isn't going to solve them," Ezra replied in a condescending manner.

"While that may be true, you aren't running from them." Anne replied. "You've been dealing with your issues for weeks, which is commendable. It may well be that getting away from here and spending time away might help."

"So that I can come back in four days and deal with it all over again?" Ezra asked her.

She nodded. "With a clear head."

"A clear head isn't going to solve anything," he growled. "Those issues are still going to be there!"

Anne sighed, shaking her head. "I know you can't see it right now, but it's a lot easier to face things like this when you can come back with an open mind, instead of having your mind clouded by everything you're thinking about. So go. Put your head in a different space. Focus on separate things."

The look on Ezra's face didn't waver, and she sighed.

"I know you know these things. We've had talks like this before. I know you know that getting away will help." She paused for a moment. "It's eight months, Ezra. Eight months and then you can leave to wherever you want. You don't ever have to come back to Rosewood if you don't want to."

Ezra rolled his eyes, nodding. "Yeah. I may just take you up on that."

He moved off his seat and grabbed his things before stuffing his work into his bag. He slung it over his shoulder and then grabbed his coffee off the counter. He walked over to the doorway and then turned and looked back at his mother. "Thank you. And I'm sorry, for taking all of this out on you."

She shrugged, shaking her head. "You're my son. You don't have to apologize."

Ezra nodded slowly. He pulled his keys from his pocket and then looked back at her. "I'm gonna do what you said; leave town now. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Anne nodded. "You've got a key?"

Ezra nodded.

They exchanged pleasantries before he headed out of the house. Once he was in his car, he headed into Philadelphia, and stopped at his shared apartment with Hardy long enough to pick up his already-packed bags before heading out to the kitchen and scribbling a note to his roommate that he would be leaving to New York early.

He looked over the room once more before he walked out of the apartment and headed down the hallway to the elevator. He stood there in silence until the doors slid open, and then stepped inside and punched the button for the parking garage. The doors slid shut a moment later, and he dropped his bag that held his clothing against the floor. His bag that carried the un-graded papers and his laptop bag were both slung across his shoulders, and he carried his suit in a clothing bag so that it didn't get dirty.

The elevator chimed a few moments later, and then the doors slid open. He walked over to his car and opened the trunk. He placed all of his things inside it and then walked around the car and got into the drivers seat. He started the car.

As he pulled out of his parking space, he punched the button to turn on the CD player, only for the LED screen to light up and tell him that there was no disk inside. His brow furrowed, and then he chuckled as he remembered Aria telling him the night before that she'd 'kidnapped' the CD.

He reached up to the visor above him and pulled out another disk before slipping it into the disk player. He turned the volume up with the buttons on his steering wheel as he pulled out of the parking garage and out onto the road. The first track began to play, and he turned the music up even louder.

"_It's not a solid, not a soft thing  
><em>_To pull the wool up like a smoke screen  
><em>_Nobody does it like a prophet  
><em>_It's gone before you know you lost it_

_There are reasons you keep your hands tied  
><em>_There's certain things you shouldn't have tried  
><em>_So if you've got it tell me something  
><em>_You better go from the beginning_

_We all forget to sleep  
><em>_And crash at someone's feet  
><em>_Everybody skips a beat  
><em>_We let the chances pass  
><em>_The few we held so fast  
><em>_Everybody breaks a glass…"_

The drive was quiet, except for the generic sounds of his car moving and the music playing through the stereo. Though he wouldn't be all that likely to admit it, he found that his mother was right. Not long after he was out of the city limits, he found his mood shifting, but the driving also helped with that.

By the time he reached the outskirts of New York City, the sun was setting, and rain was coming down steady. He'd heard about the snow storm that was supposed to hit in the next few days, but he was hoping to be back in Rosewood before it did.

When he reached Manhattan, he headed through the city until he reached the garage where his mother still had claim on two of the spaces. He parked his car and then grabbed his things before heading out of the building and waving down a cab. He settled his things in the back seat and settled in as the driver took him to his destination.

He couldn't help but feel a small swelling of pride as he watched the blocks pass. It had been so long since he'd been back home that it was refreshing to be there, and not feel like his life was entirely in shambles.

The driver pulled up in front of the large building and Ezra paid him before getting out of the car. He grabbed his things before walking up to the building. The doorman gave him an odd look, and he chuckled.

"Ezra Fitz?" The man asked.

Ezra nodded.

"Well I'll be damned," the guy replied. He was just over six feet tall with deep chocolate skin, and he'd been the doorman since Ezra had been a teenager in prep school. Still, he hadn't seen Ezekiel in more than a year. He extended a hand to Ezra. "Good to see you, kid!"

Ezra smiled, shaking Ezekiel's hand. "It's good to see you too."

"Your mom comin' in to town too?" Ezekiel asked as he opened the door for Ezra.

Ezra shook his head. "Mom **and **dad. I think Eli will probably be by here sometime tomorrow too. This Red Cross gala's got the whole family drawn back here I guess."

"Your parents are together again!?" Ezekiel asked in the same surprised manner. "Damn. Apparently the Fitz's need to move back to New York so I don't miss out on all this information!"

Ezra laughed. "Good luck with that. Apparently we're better cut out for small-town life."

Ezekiel laughed. "Well it's good to see you, kid. I'll see you later."

Ezra nodded before heading into the building. He walked across the large lobby and headed over to the elevator. He rode it straight up to the apartment they lived in, and then walked in when the doors slid open.

Stepping into the apartment was like stepping into a time warp. It smelled the same, and looked exactly the same as when he'd last left it. There were sheets over the furniture to prevent dust collecting on it, but they were spotless, thanks to the cleaning service his mother had obviously employed.

He made his way through the house, taking in the sights of things he hadn't seen in almost a year. By the time he made it through every room but his own, there was a weight resting on his shoulders. He hadn't been in there since the night he'd tried to kill himself.

Tentatively, he stepped up in front of the door and placed his hand on the knob. He turned it slowly, and his hand trembled just in the slightest as he did so. He gently eased the door open and looked around the room. There was a new bed, and all the shelves that had been in the room since he was five were still there, though most of them were bare. There were still cork boards up on the wall with notes he'd left on them from Christmas break during his senior year.

His eyes fell to the floor, where his bed still sat just as it had the night he had cut his wrists. There was almost no trace at a distance, but as he walked into the room, and then knelt down over the spot, he could see it. The wood had been sanded and then re-stained. It was just a shade or two off in color; it probably wasn't made in the exact same shade anymore.

He stood up and settled his things on the bed before making his way through the house and removing the sheets over the things in the family room before going into the kitchen and opening the boxes that held the dishes his mother left there. As he opened the first box, a smile crossed his face.

"_Why aren't you taking these?" He asked as he rubbed his wrist to keep from itching the scar on his left wrist. _

_Anne shook her head, settling a stack of plates into a box, one by one. "They're from your father's mother. She bought them after we got married. I always hated them." _

_-  
>Cause the walls burned up and our love fell down<br>__And it turned into whatever, never say never  
>-<em>

The weekend came quickly, and Aria spent most of the long weekend shopping with her mother while Ezra and Byron attended the conference they were intended to be in town for. Dr. Sullivan joined them, determined to find the right dress for the Red Cross gala. By Saturday afternoon, Aria had burned a generous hole in her pocket, and the new additions to her boot collection were strewn across the hotel room to show for it.

As she ran a hand through her freshly curled hair, she walked over to where her dress was hanging up. She had gone back and forth between wearing the red dress she'd worn on her and Ezra's first official date and getting a new one. When she'd gotten to New York, she'd made a pact with herself that she would in fact wear the dress unless she found something that made her feel like she absolutely had to have it. The search had been on from nearly the minute she arrived in New York, but it took her until that morning to actually find something that suited her tastes.

The dress she had chosen was a deep midnight blue with thin straps that wrapped from between her breasts to the back of the dress. There was a flower on the right breast. The dress fell to just above her knees, and was made of silk.

She hadn't been sure when she'd first picked it out, given that both her parents were going to be there, but their trust in her judgment seemed to have returned fully after months of questioning her moves. She couldn't help but be surprised when her mother said that it was 'the' dress.

She ran her fingers down the side of the fabric, smiling as she stared at the dress for a few moments longer before flouncing back towards the bathroom.

She spent the next hour doing her makeup so that was to he liking, and put her hair up into a bun, with a few tendrils left down to frame her face. When she was finished, she headed back to her room and pulled on the dress before slipping her robe back on. She put in a call to room service, and ordered herself a platter of fruit to munch on until the gala actually started.

Ella knocked lightly on her door and then pushed it open just before eight and popped her head into the room.

"You ready?" She asked as she spotted Aria on the bed, still in her robe.

Aria nodded, wiping her hands off with a napkin. "I was just waiting until we were ready to go down."

"We're going to head down right now," Ella told her.

Aria moved off the bed and grabbed the heels she'd bought to go with her outfit and slipped her feet into them. They were open-toed and gave her the added height advantage of three inches, suddenly making her five feet, five inches. There was crossing straps over her foot, and then around her ankles where the shoes buckled with a thin strap.

After she stood up, she slipped her robe off and did a small twirl for Ella. "Do I look okay?"

"Okay?" Ella replied.

As Aria steadied on her feet again, she saw tears in her mother's eyes, even though Ella was smiling.

"Aria, you look absolutely beautiful. I don't think I've ever seen you look so radiant. Ezra will be picking his eyeballs up off the floor."

Aria giggled, running her fingers down the front of her dress. She'd painted her nails a matching shade of blue so that nothing looked out of place.

She followed her mother out of the room, and Byron came out of her parents shared room as she pulled her door shut and then tucked her room card into the small clutch she was taking with her. The reaction she got from Ella was nothing compared to the absolute look of awe on Byron's face when he turned to face her.

When Ella managed to tug Byron down the hall towards the elevators, they made their way down to the fifth floor, where there were two adjoining centennial ball rooms. The first was dressed for a dinner party, with enough seating for five hundred people or so. There were tables with six chairs at each of them, and Aria joined her parents and Mike, along with a married couple whom her father knew.

After dinner, they headed into the next room, and Aria couldn't help but feel as if the wind had been knocked out of her. The room was absolutely decked out. It was tasteful, recalling the fact that this was a sophisticated party, and not a high school dance. Still, there was something about it that made her heart swell.

Her parents were quickly drawn away by friends, and she joined Mike for a few turns on the dance floor before he was pulled aside by a girl who was close to his age. Not wanting to salt his game, she let him go, and headed back to the outskirts of the party.

She ran her hands up and down her bare arms as she watched people move among the crowd. She pulled her phone from her clutch and looked over her text messages. There were a few from Hanna and Spencer, and one from Emily as well. They were attending a costume party in Rosewood. Hanna had dressed up as the Playboy bunny, Emily had gone as a modern-day Snow White, and Spencer had dressed up as Katy Perry.

She chuckled as she read the texts and looked at the photos, shaking her head.

"Bored?"

She looked up and smiled. "Hey, Hardy." She looked around at the people still moving on the dance floor. "Just a bit."

He offered a hand to her. "Might I have this dance?"

She giggled, tucking her phone back into her clutch. "Sure."

She let him lead her out onto the floor, and rested her hands around his neck as his hands rested on her hips, unmoving as they moved to the song that was playing.

"Have you seen Ezra yet?" He asked.

Aria shook her head. "Not yet. I meant to hunt him down, but I haven't been able to yet. I haven't seen him at all this weekend because of that conference."

Hardy nodded. "He's been catching up on grading papers when we haven't been in those meetings, and sleeping. I swear, I'm glad they're over."

Aria laughed. Things were silent between them for a few minutes before she looked back up at him. "How is he?"

Hardy shrugged, reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of Aria's face. "Okay, I guess. They diagnosed him with trauma-based depression, so I guess for him it just kind of depends on the day."

"Trauma-based?" She asked, confused.

Hardy nodded. "I don't understand the logistics of it all still, but I guess it's brought on by what he's been through, and it could go away at any time."

Aria nodded. "So…but I mean, otherwise-"

"Yeah, he's good," Hardy said. "He'd probably be better if you were asking **him **these questions instead of me."

Aria smiled ruefully at him. "Yeah, I suppose so."

Before either of them could say anything else, a girl who seemed to know Hardy well walked up to them and asked if she could cut in. Aria willingly stepped aside, and as she walked away, she could tell that the girl was clearly someone Hardy liked a lot. She was a gorgeous blond with silky, shiny curls, and deep green eyes.

She was headed back towards the edges of the room when she turned at the sound of her name being called close by. As she looked up, she spotted Ethan.

"Hey," she replied cheerfully. "Haven't seen you in a while."

He chuckled. "I could say the same. Now that Mr. Danielson, is it my turn for a spin on the floor?"

Aria took the hand that Ethan offered, and let him lead her back onto the dance floor. It was quiet for a bit before she found herself asking if Ezra was okay again. Maybe his father could offer more insight.

"Ezra's managing," Ethan replied to her question. "I think he's happy to be in New York again. He always did love it here. At least of what I remember."

There was a slight sadness in his voice as he spoke, and Aria understood why, given that he'd missed out on so much, being out of his sons lives for so long. He was pulled away a few seconds later by someone from the NYPD wanting to introduce him to his replacement, and she found herself alone again.

She turned to walk out of the room, only to bump into whoever was headed in the opposite direction.

She nearly dropped to the ground, only to be caught as the person she'd bumped into reached out and grabbed her upper arms, keeping her upright. A feeling of self-consciousness ran through her as the hand that wrapped around her left arm brushed over the scar that Grady had left with his knife. She looked up, only to realize she was face to face with Ezra.

A thousand thoughts swam through her head as she stared into his blue eyes. She knew what she felt, and what she wanted, but she didn't want to hurt him. She could see by the look on his face as he realized it was her that she had done enough of that already.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

She nodded slowly. "Y-yeah. Just…" She sighed, looking around the room. It was getting tougher to hear, because they seemed to turn the music up after every song. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

Ezra stared at her for a long moment before nodding. She slipped her arm around his, and he led her through the crowd of people. As they stepped out of the ballroom, Aria stumbled.

"Ow," she growled as she pushed herself up from the floor. She looked down at her foot and saw that the heel on the bottom of her shoe had snapped. She huffed.

Ezra shook his head at her, chuckling softly. "You really should wear shoes with heels that are thicker than a pencil."

Aria scowled at him as she removed both heels and then slipped her fingers beneath the ankle straps. The continued their journey back to the elevators, where Ezra punched a button for the elevator to come to them.

The doors opened, and a large group of apparent party-attendees stepped off. They stepped inside and he pushed the button to the floor that they were both on. She leaned against the wall, and he leaned against the wall opposite from hers, leaving several feet of space between them.

The ride was silent, but also quick given that the elevators were made to be quick. The quickness of them always made Aria a bit dizzy, which made her glad that she was no longer wearing her heels.

She stepped off the elevator and followed Ezra down the hall to his room. He slipped his key card into the door and then opened the door. He held it open for her, and then let it slide shut once they were both in the room.

Aria dropped her shoes as she looked around the room. In the lighting, she could actually see him fully. His tux was black, but he was wearing a grey button-down dress shirt along with a midnight blue vest. She wasn't sure if he'd planned to dress that way, or if he'd known about her dress, but her jaw fell open as she took in the sight of him. He'd also gotten a hair cut, making his curls a bit tamer.

"Wow," she said softly.

Ezra looked at her and nodded. "I could say the same."

She smiled and blushed. "Thanks."

Ezra nodded. He walked over to the balcony doors and opened them. Aria followed after him and looked outside. It was freezing, but the city looked beautiful.

"It's so beautiful," Aria said softly.

"I love it here," he said.

"Ezra…" She murmured, looking up at him. He looked back at her. Her heart melted as she looked into his eyes.

"Aria." He replied back. She chuckled at the banter he was trying to start.

He walked into the room and grabbed his iPhone out of his pocket before settling it on the iHome that was in every hotel room. He scrolled through a few songs before walking back over to where Aria was standing.

Aria looked over at him and smiled as the music began to waft towards them. "I love this song."

Ezra nodded. The _I know, _was implied as he stepped out onto the balcony and wrapped his hands around the cold metal.

She walked over to him and shivered. Ezra slipped his jacket off and draped it over her shoulders. As he did, she looked up at him.

"Can I ask you something?" She said quietly, slipping her hands into the pockets of his coat.

Ezra nodded, looking at her as he rested his forearms on the balcony railing. "Always."

"Are you happy?" She asked. "I mean really, truly and honestly?"

He thought about it for a moment and then nodded. "Right here and now? Yeah. Happier than I thought I could ever be."

She smiled. "Good." She looked out at the city, and at all the places lit up because of people having their lights on and working late. "I didn't think I'd ever be this happy again."

Ezra stood up straight and tucked his hands into his pockets. "That's great, Aria."

"Do you know what would make me the happiest person in the world right now?" She asked tentatively.

He looked down at her and shook his head. Aria turned her head and looked inside the room. She closed her eyes for the briefest moment as the music played.

_"two shadows standing by the bedroom door,  
><em>_no, i could not want you more  
><em>_then i did right then  
><em>_as our heads leaned in_

_well i'm not sure what this is gonna be  
><em>_but with my eyes closed all i see..."_

She opened her eyes and looked back at him.

It was as if the innate notions between them were alive again in ways that they hadn't been in months, because he moved towards her as she reached up to cup his cheek, and then his lips were on hers.

_"is the skyline through the window,  
><em>_the moon about you, and the streets below  
><em>_hold my breath as you're moving in  
><em>_taste your lips and feel your skin..."_

Aria looped her arms tightly around Ezra's neck, as if she couldn't get closer to him if she tried. All the words she'd been trying to form in her head for the past few weeks, trying to find the right way to tell him how she felt and what she was afraid of fell away as he held her flush against his warm body. In that moment, it became clear to her just how much she had missed it. Missed **him**.

_"when the time comes  
><em>_baby, don't run  
><em>_just kiss me slowly..."_

Her lips parted and his tongue slipped inside her mouth, brushing over hers. She moaned softly and unbuttoned his vest, wanting more than anything just to get closer to him. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he walked backwards into the room. When his legs hit the back of the bed, they dropped backwards.

Aria started pulling the buttons of his shirt free until it was completely open, and then reached for the button of his pants as their bodies moved in harmony with each other. It was only when she had his pants unzipped when Ezra finally broke his lips away from her.

"Stop," he gasped.

Her brow furrowed as she looked down at him. Now her mind was swimming with at least a dozen new questions, none of which she had the answers to.

He sat up, holding her up on the bed as his hands rested on the base of her back.

"Do you not…." she asked, confused. "I mean, is it me?"

Ezra shook his head, brushing hair out of her face. "Not at all, baby. He chuckled softly, brushing his lips against hers. "But is this _**really **_how you want to remember this? In a hotel room after spending two months apart because we both had issues to work through?"

Aria considered his words, and before she even answered, she knew he was right. She had always known, from the time that they had decided clear back when they had become serious, that they had decided to wait until she was ready, and they both felt it was the right time. Whether or not they both felt ready in that moment was regardless. She knew as well as he was telling her, that it wasn't the right time.

"I love you so much," she said as tears filled her eyes. "I'm sorry I needed time to realize that. I'm sorry I had to hurt you."

Ezra shrugged, brushing hair out of her face again. "Seemed a bit like I deserved it, didn't it? After all the time I spent hurting you?"

Aria shook her head, sniffling as several tears ran down her face. "I don't know. I just know that I don't ever want to go through that again. I want to be with you, and only you. No one else."

Ezra smiled, running his thumb under lip, where her lipstick had smeared. He looked her in the eyes. "I'm not going anywhere.

"_Darling, you don't have to run,  
><em>_You don't have to go  
><em>_Just stay with me, baby stay with me…"_

"Can I stay here with you tonight?" She asked. "Just to sleep?"

Ezra nodded.

She moved off his lap and went in search of his bags as he headed over to the doors to the balcony and shut them tightly to keep the cold out. Afterwards, he grabbed his discarded pajamas from the floor and slipped them on.

Aria left the room long enough to cross the hall and hang her dress up in the garment bag it had come in before she went back to Ezra's room, dressed in one of his t-shirts. She walked over to the bed and moved the blankets back, slipping between them and curling up next to him. The song still played on repeat on the iHome.

"I knew when I heard this on the radio that somehow this would happen," she said softly.

"What would?" He asked, looking down at her.

She shrugged, shaking her head. "I didn't really know exactly. But when it was playing, I kept seeing you standing on a balcony, looking at me and smiling, right before you kissed me." She tilted her head up to look at him. "That's how I knew. And after I had that dinner with Holden, I knew, when I went to bed that night….I couldn't stop picturing you."

Ezra pressed his lips to her forehead. "I'm always going to be here for you Aria."

She smiled, nuzzling her face into his shoulder, though she neglected to mention that when she was referring to picturing him after the date, it was an entirely different picture entirely. This time, instead, it was him on bended knee, with a ring. But that was something she didn't mind keeping to herself for the time being.

She looked up at him and then pushed up off the bed and kissed him, twisting her fingers in the neckline of his t-shirt as he kissed her back. When they parted a few minutes later, she was entirely breathless.

"I don't think we've kissed like that since…"

"I left for DC," she finished for him.

Ezra chuckled. "Things certainly are looking up."


	32. In This Moment, All I Know

**A/N: **The subject of trauma-based depression comes up in this chapter again. While I don't have any medical knowledge on the subject, I do have this to say about it: **When I first started attending counseling, **my therapist (and then later psychiatrist) diagnosed me with depression. For a good two years, and definitely after things started looking up, **we hoped the diagnosis would be trauma-based**. The difference between trauma-based and clinical depression being that it was possible for things to eventually (whether gradually or otherwise) get better. In chapter 31, Ezra refers to it as navigating through a minefield with his emotions, which is how I always refer to it. I don't know how I'm going to feel one day from the next. Some days are bad and I'm very low and depressed. On others, I'm joyful and happy to be alive. I live without the help of SSRIs or anything of the sort, and while I manage, there are a lot of things I've missed out on in the 5 years since my diagnosis because of it.

_Chapter 32_

_In This Moment, All I Know_

The sun was bright Sunday morning as Aria awoke. She groaned, desperately wanting to tug the blankets high up over her face, but the cool spot next to her didn't grant her the luxury of hiding in the warmth and security that she had hoped to find solace in.

She tossed the blankets back and scowled as she looked around the room. After a moment, she realized the soft sound coming from the next room was the shower. She looked over at the clock on the bedside table. 9 AM.

With a frustrated sigh, she moved off the bed and looked around the room. She walked over to where Ezra's bag was sitting on the table in the room, and opened it. She searched for a piece of scratch paper and a pen and then scribbled a note down before walking over to the unmade bed and placing it on the blanket.

_In my room. Breakfast at Perks at 10?_

She dug through her clutch, checking for her phone and wallet. When she pulled out her wallet, she flipped open and settled the extra room key on top of the note before walking out of the room and crossing the hall to her own hotel room.

She headed into the bathroom and turned on the shower before turning to look at herself in the mirror. Some of her makeup had smeared, and her hair was an absolute mess from being left up in the up-do she'd put it in. She sighed and reached for her makeup bag. She opened it up and pulled out several moistened towellette packets and tore one open. She began the tedious task of removing as much of the make up as she could before she removed a dozen or so pins from her hair and shaking it out. It was rampant with curls, or rather, more curly than usual.

Once she was finished, she removed Ezra's shirt and then stepped into the shower. The water washed down over her, taking away the curl in her hair and any remnants left from the night before. She reached up and grabbed one of the hotel-issued wash cloths, and then poured scented body wash onto it and proceeded to wash up. After rinsing the soap from her body, she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body. She tucked it into itself and then turned on the faucet and poured a dollop of facial scrub into her hand before proceeding wash her face with it.

When she was finished, she wiped her face off and then proceeded to apply a light layer of makeup before heading out into her hotel room.

As she stepped into the room, Ezra looked up at her. He was sitting on the other side of it, reading through a paper, though his jaw dropped slightly at the sight of her only wrapped in a towel. She chuckled as she picked up one of her shopping bags off the floor and rifled through it. She pulled out a new pair of dark blue jeans and a long-sleeved thermal shirt with hearts on it. She also grabbed a pair of socks and then pulled a matching pink lingerie set from another bag before she tossed them on the bed as well.

Ezra walked over to her and wrapped his arms loosely around her. "You remember how we said last night that we'd wait?"

Aria nodded, grabbing her clothes off the bed. "What about it."

"I changed my mind."

Aria giggled, shaking her head as she turned in his arms. "Too easy. I'm going to go get dressed."

Ezra feigned a scowl. "You're so unfair."

Aria shook her head, walking back into the bathroom. Once she had shut the door, she let her towel drop and then dressed herself before grabbing her hairbrush off the counter and running it through her hair. She pulled it up into a pony tail before grabbing the discarded clothing from before her shower and walked back into the bedroom. She walked over to one of the boxes containing her many new pairs of boots, and pulled out a pair that were actual winter boots that came mid-way up her calf. She slipped them on her feet and then began picking up her clothes off the floor and putting them into bags.

"Better?" She asked with a slight chuckle.

Ezra looked up from the paper he had returned to grading. "That you're dressed? Yes."

Aria pulled her dress down from where she had it hanging up and settled it over the top of her suitcase before walking over to the table and casually pushing the paper that Ezra was reading closed. "Breakfast? I'm starving."

He chuckled and pushed up from his seat.

They walked out of the hotel room and headed down the hall to the elevator. As they did, Aria slipped her hand into Ezra's, lacing her fingers between his. It phased her that it was the first time she was holding his hand since he'd gotten his cast off. Even though he'd been free from his cast for a few, weeks she could feel the subtle differences from lack of muscle.

They reached the elevator, and Ezra punched the down button before turning his gaze to look out the floor-to-ceiling windows teen feet away, at the end of the hall.

"Good God. That's going to be fun driving back in," he said sarcastically.

Aria turned towards the end of the hall and realized what he was referring to. Snow was coming down in a sheet of white, just as promised. "Wow."

Ezra sighed, running his free hand through his hair. "I don't want to drive in that crap. Not with the idiots on the highway."

Aria rubbed her hand up and down the inside of his arm. "I ride with you. Lessen the blow of idiot drivers with compelling conversation."

Ezra chuckled, shaking his head as the elevator doors opened. They stepped inside and Aria hit the button for the main floor before leaning back against the wall.

They stood in silence for a few seconds before she looked up at him. "What's it like?" She asked tentatively. "Trauma-based depression? That's what it is, right?"

Ezra nodded slowly. "Umm…" He shrugged. "It's like waking up in a minefield, and never knowing which step is going to set something off," he said honestly. "It's not that I go off on people in a rage, necessarily. But some days I wake up, and it's like a rainy day. All I want to do is pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep. Others are better, and I look forward to them."

"Is there any way to fix it?" Aria asked.

Ezra shook his head. "Some people just wake up one day and feel better. At least that's what I've been told. I hope that'll happen one day."

Aria nodded slowly. Ezra brushed his thumb over the back of her knuckles and she looked back up at him.

"Now can I ask you something?" He said.

"Of course," she replied.

"Are you absolutely sure this – us – is what you want? I mean, I know what you said last night…But now it's the next morning."

Aria sighed and stepped towards him. "There's never anything I've been more sure of. I **do **want to be with you Ezra. Through thick and thin, and everything in between." She tilted her head up and pushed up onto the tips of her toes, kissing him softly.

He kissed her back, brushing his fingers through her hair. "I love you," he whispered against her lips. "Till kingdom come."

She smiled, brushing her nose up against his. "Until the world ends."

"Okay, who had money on Halloween weekend?"

Aria giggled as she turned her head to the elevator doors opening. Ezra's parents as well as her own, and Mike, were standing in front of the doorway, apparently waiting for them.

"I said before the first snow fall," Ella said in a light tone.

Aria looked up at Ezra, and though he rolled his eyes, there was a smile on his face.

_-  
>If you fly away tonight, I wanna tell you that I love you<br>__I hope that you hear me, I hope that you can feel me  
>-<em>

"Oh good God. This is what I come home to?"

Ezra lifted his head up and Aria turned to look in the same direction as he was. Hardy was standing in the doorway, having just gotten back home. Neither of them had seen him since the night before.

"Something wrong with it?" Aria said with a giggle as she sat up straighter on the couch. Her shirt was twisted slightly around her waist, tugged up just the slightest on her hip where Ezra's hand had been.

Hardy shook his head. "You two are sickening. I guess my two months of peace and silence are over now, eh?"

"You bet your ass it is," Ezra replied, turning Aria back to face him. She looped her arms loosely around his neck, opening her mouth as his tongue against hers. Hardy's groaning as he walked down the hall only further enticed them.

Aria fell into a fit of giggles as the bedroom door shut down the hall and she shook her head. "We shouldn't torture him."

"Torture?" Ezra replied. "Torture was watching him and Jackie make out."

Aria shuddered, and Ezra laughed. "I told you!"

"I think he's into a some blond girl anyway," she replied. "Whoever asked him to dance last night. He seemed into her."

"Blond?" Ezra asked. "Tall? Curly hair?"

Aria nodded.

Ezra chuckled. "Sasha. He had a major thing for her in college, but she never gave him a chance because she said he was too much of a player. She told him that until he started respecting women, it would never happen for them."

Aria shook her head. "Well he's seriously whipped over her."

"I am **not **whipped!" Hardy yelled from down the hall.

Aria laughed, burying her face in Ezra's chest. When she calmed down a few moments later, she lifted her head up and looked up at him. "I should go home before the snow kicks back up again."

Ezra nodded, kissing her forehead. Aria moved off the couch and grabbed her purse before walking over to the door and grabbing her boots.

"Do you want to have dinner tomorrow night?" He asked as he grabbed their dinner leftovers and walked into the kitchen.

Aria pushed her left foot into one of her boots and looked up at him. "I would, but I've got plans with Spencer."

"Okay," Ezra replied. "Tuesday-"

"I'm going shopping with Samara and Katie."

She looked up at Ezra, and couldn't help but chuckle at his expression.

"I'm sorry," she giggled. "I have a booming social life now."

He chuckled and nodded. "What about lunch? Can you leave campus?"

Aria nodded. "I can do lunch on Tuesday."

She finished pulling her boot on her right foot and then grabbed her cell phone from her purse and brought up her iCal app. "And I can do dinner on Wednesday."

Ezra laughed. "I can't. Your father and I are planning lessons for the rest of the semester."

Aria dropped her head back and groaned. "Life _**sucks**_." She looked down at her phone again. "Friday?"

Ezra turned around and looked at the calander hanging on the fridge. His eyebrows raised in surprised. "I can do dinner on Friday."

"I'll pencil you in," Aria laughed, tucking her phone back into her purse.

Ezra scribbled himself a reminder on a notepad hanging on the fridge and then grabbed Aria's coat and walked over to her. He tilted his head down and kissed her chastely. She kissed him back, brushing her thumb back and forth against his cheek. When they parted, she smiled ruefully up at him.

"I swear we'll find a way to make this work."

Ezra chuckled, nodding. "After the holidays and then finals. We'll manage to find a way through it."

Aria leaned into him, brushing her nose up against his. "We have before." She exhaled a long sigh and then pecked him once more on the lips. "I gotta go."

"Alright," he said, feigning a pout as he opened the door for her. She turned around and pecked him once more on the lips before heading out of the apartment.

_-  
>Everything is beautiful when you're looking through rose colored glasses<br>-_

"Dad?"

Ezra dropped his keys into the bowl next to the door as he stepped into his old apartment and looked around.

Ethan stepped around the counter in the kitchen, popping a piece of popcorn into his mouth. "Hey, kid. What're you doing in town this late?"

Ezra shrugged. "Couldn't get to sleep."

Ethan waved his hand towards the couch as Ezra toed his shoes off. Ezra followed the older man over to the couch and sat down. It was in the same basic layout that he'd had the apartment set up in when he had lived there, but the furniture was Ethan's instead of his own.

"So what's on your mind?" Ethan asked as Ezra sat down next to him. He pushed an unopened bottle of water across the table towards Ezra. Ezra took it and took a long drink from it.

Ezra shook his head, shrugging. "I don't now. Nothing. Or a lot." He took a deep breath and then looked up at Ethan. "Can I ask you something about last year?"

Ethan was tentative, but after a moment, he nodded, looking up at Ezra.

"Why'd you say it?" He paused for a moment, and when Ethan didn't say anything, he continued. "I know you said that it wasn't right or fair, but I mean in that moment, when you said it…why?"

Ethan looked up at Ezra, clear in the eyes.

_The silence that burned through Ezra's ears as he listened for any sign of life on the other end of the phone line. He hadn't talked to his father in years, but his mother had suggested that talking with someone who had insight into the effects of sexual abuse might offer a better consolation. _

"_You there, kid?" Ethan's voice was gruff over the phone line, and his words slurred just the slightest. _

"_Yeah, dad," he replied back. He looked down at the bright white gauze wrapped around his left wrist. "Dad, I gotta ask you about something." _

"_K," came Ethan's voice back over the line. _

_Ezra took a deep breath, rubbing his fingers together. They felt ice cold. "Have you heard about what's going on in Rosewood? At Hollis?" _

"_Bit," Ethan answered. He was quiet for a moment longer, and then his demeanor changed slightly. "Someone do something to you?" _

_Ezra let out a shaky breath. "They, er-… I- I um,…" Tears burned at the corners of his eyes. "You ever have a victim try to kill themselves after coming to the police?" _

"_You tried to kill yourself?!" Ethan's voice was angry over the end of the phone. _

_Ezra gulped. His voice was so soft that for a moment, he wasn't even sure Ethan heard him. "Yeah." _

_There was a long silence, and he was about to repeat himself, when the words came back at him, and bit so hard that it was as if he had been sliced clean through in the middle of his chest. "You should've tried harder." _

"When I came to Rosewood, I'd only been off desk duty for a few weeks," Ethan started. His voice trembled just the slightest. "You remember?"

Ezra nodded. "You said you were taken out of the field for almost a year."

"That's correct," Ethan replied. He looked down at the floor as he wrung his hands together. "EJ, when you called me that day, I was already half in the bottle. My drinking was at least twice as bad as when the divorce was finalized, _if not_ worse. I was in the worst kind of way, and on the verge of losing the little I had left."

He paused for a moment taking several deep breaths. Even though he was facing away from him, Ezra could see Ethan's eyes getting glassy with tears. Ethan shook his head at the memories running through his head.

"When the investigation began in Rosewood, I hadn't yet been faced with an intervention, and I'd been asked to help head up the investigation here, with a profile and whatnot." He grabbed his bottle of water and took a large gulp of it before settling it back down on the table. "I told them no."

As he said that, he turned to look up at Ezra. "When you called me that day, I was **so **pissed at myself. I _**knew **_you were in Rosewood for school. I got every copy of the Hollis press, because your mother was fair enough to make sure I did. The day you called was the day before my coworkers did the intervention, and I knew I had two choices. I could either give in and throw in the towel, or I could try and start over, building from the ground up."

He paused for a moment, and his bottom lip trembled in the slightest as a tear ran down his face. "When you told me you'd tried to kill yourself, I was **pissed**. Not only because of what had happened to you, when I might've been able to prevent it, but also because I felt weak next to you. You had attempted something that I had been too much of a coward to try to do for _years_."

Ezra gulped. It wasn't until he felt wetness on his face that he realized there were tears in his own eyes at what his father was saying to him.

"I hate it every day that I think of it, but **you** were my redemption, EJ. After that phone call ended, I knew what I'd said was wrong. And when I went to that intervention the next day, it was early, so I wasn't drunk yet. I remembered everything I'd said to you, and I knew I had to get things together."

"You were jealous of me?" Ezra asked, his voice strained by the knot in his throat.

Ethan nodded. "When you spend as many years as I do seeing the world through the victims eyes, it violates your senses, and your psyche. It breaks your heart and simultaneously makes you so **damn **angry. I don't know why I didn't just get out, but at the time it just didn't make sense. I kept putting myself back in that position when I was too burnt out to handle it, and the things I saw when I closed my eyes broke me. I wanted to get away from it all so bad, but I was too afraid to make that jump."

Ezra gulped. He reached up and wiped the tears away on his face. "Well I'm glad you didn't ever do it."

Ethan smiled. He reached a hand out and squeezed Ezra's hand lightly. They were quiet for a few moments before he spoke again.

"Now can I ask you something?"

Ezra nodded.

"_**Why **_try to kill yourself?" Ethan asked, shaking his head sadly. "I won't give you the 'you could've called me lecture' because it probably would've been terrible, but your mom. Eli…._Someone, __**EJ.**_"

Ezra shrugged, shaking his head. "I was ashamed. I… I felt like no matter how hard I tried or how far away I got, he just kept coming back. And I talked to Hardy a little bit, but I didn't want anyone at home to know." He took a deep breath and gulped as more tears filled his eyes. "He made me feel like I deserved it." He looked down at the floor and then back up at Ethan. "Did you know he told me that I brought it on myself? That first time?"

Ethan nodded slowly. "I saw the police report."

"He blamed me for exposing him. I was just doing what the administrators wanted, but he blamed me for printing it." He sighed softly, looking around the room. "After that… I don't know. I didn't think I could do it at Hollis and get away with it, so I went home one weekend, and mom and Eli kept asking questions, and… I don't know.

"I was so sure, sitting on the floor in those last few minutes, watching the blood, that I would feel better, knowing I was getting away from it. But when she opened that door…" He shook his head again, staring hard down at the floor with a look of immense pain on his face. "I'd never seen that look on mom's face before, and I knew I never wanted to see it again."

Ethan stood from where he was sitting and walked over to a bookshelf across the room as Ezra sat there and continued to stare down at the floor. He walked back over to the couch a moment later, carrying a small leather-bound book with a blank cover. Ezra looked up at him as he handed it over.

"What's this?"

"Everything I wrote from the day after we spoke on the phone that night for the next six months after when I was getting my life together," Ethan replied. "I told you, Ezra. My redemption was you." He tapped on the top of the book with his index finger. "This is filled with letters to you. I knew I was going to give it to you one day. I just didn't know when, because I wasn't sure you'd ever talk to me again."

Ezra stared down at the journal for a moment. He brushed his free hand over it as he held it in the other. When Ethan released it, he nervously turned over the top cover, and then flipped through the page quickly with his thumb. True to Ethan's word, every page was filled.

"Elijah's going to be jealous," Ezra said with a light laugh.

"Elijah's an over-achiever and closer to your mother," Ethan replied back in the same light manner.

Ezra stared at it for a few seconds and then looked back up at Ethan with a genuine curiosity. "Tell me the story about the easter bunny in the holding cell doing ballet."

Ethan grinned as he began to laugh. "I thought I already told you that one."

Ezra shook his head. "I didn't listen, because I was still angry. Tell me now."

Ethan shook his head with tears of mirth in his eyes. "Alright. So I had just gotten back out into the field after like eight months on desk duty, and they'd moved me to VICE, so I go along with a my younger partner to make this bust on this guy. The guy didn't show, but as we're heading back to the car, we see this guy who's stoned out of his mind, like he's losing it on people in the middle of the street, crying over missing golden eggs.

"Anyway, we pick him up and take him back to the station, and we've got him in the holding cell, and he just keeps going on and on about how he's gotta get back to the trail of Cadburry eggs so that he can find Roger Rabbit and get a ride back to the village of Peeps."

Ezra was fallen into such a fit of giggles, he struggled to sit up straight as Ethan continued the story.

"I swear I'm not makin' this crap up! It's all on video tape!" Ethan laughed. "Anyway, he's getting more aggressive about this the longer we leave him sit, and finally my partner, who's got Easter candy in his drawer to munch on, bites the head off of a chocolate rabbit and then throws the rest in to the holding cell and tells the guy to shut up because his king is dead. This guy _**loses **_it. Starts crying, shaking – he's totally beside himself. We get so annoyed that the captain turns around and tells him there's probably some kind of resurrection they can perform, and tells the guy to lie down and think about it.

"This guy gets so mad at our captain that he starts stomping around in the cage, and then says he's going to honor his king because his fit is showing a _dishonor_, and starts doing pirouettes around his cell, and starts telling us he's throwing magical fairy dust around the room to heal us all. After that, the effects of whatever he was on started to wear off, and he finally calmed down, but any time I need a pick-me-up, I remind myself that the isle of Cadburry eggs will lead me to a trail of Jelly Belly jellybeans."

_-  
>You're not crazy for leaving, you're just crazy for staying so long<br>-_

Aria giggled as she stared at her phone screen, shaking her head. Like Ezra, she was having one of those nights where sleep just wasn't coming easy to her. A part of her wondered if it wasn't because she had slept next to him the night before, and, because of previous habit, she had spoiled herself a little too much, and in turn causing herself the current issue she was facing.

He'd just texted her the comment that Ethan had made about the jellybeans, and the entire story had flooded back to her. Every time she thought of Ethan and Elijah, she couldn't help but associate them with funny stories. Ethan had been with the Easter Bunny story that he'd told them, and every time she thought of Elijah, it reminded her of the 'anything you can do, I can do better' argument he and Ezra had gotten into.

Her phone chimed in her hand and she looked down at it, only start laughing again.

**REMEMBER: say no to drugs!  
><strong>**It might turn you into a rabbit!**

She giggled, shaking her head as she tapped back a quick response.

**If I don't, will you come feed me  
><strong>**fruits and nuts?**

It was a moment later when her phone chimed with a reply.

**Only if you don't bite.**

She smiled and sighed, reaching up to plug her phone into its charger before snuggling down into her blankets. She turned and stared out the window, watching the snow fall.

"_I'm **so **tired," Aria whined as she buried her face in Ezra's shoulder. "Tell me you're not leaving this weekend." _

_He rubbed his hand up and down her back, kissing her forehead. "Tomorrow afternoon," he said. "But you can stay the night if you want." _

"_What in the world have you got to run up to New York this weekend for?" Even as she whined, she curled up tighter against his body, exhausted as they sat on the couch. She was thoroughly exhausted from studying all night the night before for the rescheduled SATs. _

"_Family stuff," he said softly in response. Ezra tilted her chin up and kissed her on the lips. "So are you staying or not?" _

_Aria chuckled, looking up at him. "Do I look awake enough to drive home?" _

_He shook his head, brushing his nose against hers. "Not at all." _

"Aria?"

She turned her head and looked over towards the door. Ella walked inside the room and over to the bed. She sat down on the edge of it. "You okay?"

Aria nodded. "Yeah. Just one of those nights."

Ella nodded. She grabbed Aria's hand and squeezed it lightly. "And everything's okay with you and Ezra? You're happy? Sure about being with him again?"

Aria nodded again. "I'm sure. He's different, and I'm different. We're both happy."

Ella smiled. "Good. I'm glad."

Aria looked back out the window. "Do you think maybe we're a bit spoiled, he and I? After all that time, staying in the same place and sleeping in the same room? That maybe that's' why I can't get to sleep now?"

"It's possible," Ella replied. "But I'd imagine some of it is actually attributed to what you've been through this year."

"Exactly," Aria murmured, looking back at Ella. "Ezra is the safest place I know. When I'm with him – in his arms – that's the one place I feel like I'm totally protected. Like nothing can get to me. I think I forgot that for a while, because I was hurt. But there's no one else who makes me feel like that. No one else who makes me feel like nothing will hurt me."

Ella smiled. "Well then just keep in mind that you turn eighteen in six months. The world is wide open after that."

"And you'll be okay with it?" Aria asked. "I mean I know a lot has changed in the last six months…but if he's it? He's the one I want to be with forever? It's okay?"

"Of course, Aria," Ella replied. "There's nothing more that your father and I want more in this world than to see you happy. After everything you've been through this year, we just want you to be in the best possible place and be happy with your life. If Ezra makes you feel that way, then who are we to stand in your way and tell you no?"

Aria thought to say something about when she had first come to them with Ezra, but decided against it.

"I will say…Ezra isn't who I expected him to be. Especially not after we found out everything we did. It took me a long time to realize, beyond the similar trauma you both suffered, that he really does compliment you well, and just how much alike you two are. It took me _**months **_to see the love between you two for what it really was, instead of what I saw in my mind."

"How'd that affect you?" Aria asked curiously.

"Honestly?" Ella replied. "It scared me. I realized that my daughter was seventeen and that she was going to be graduating high school, and then moving on to bigger and better things, and she was probably going to marry this amazing guy who I was so fortunate to know as a person _before _I knew you were together. A big part of me wants to tuck you into bed and wake up tomorrow to you being five years old again. I know that's not going to happen, but if I've got to see you go, then I'm glad it's with him."

Aria's bottom lip trembled as several tears ran down her face. "You don't know what it means to hear you say that. What it means to….be **here **after this past year. In a weird way, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."


	33. Nothing To Lose, But Everything To Gain

**A/N: **I am SOOOO sorry, you guys! My life has been an absolute mess lately, and we haven't done much travelling since school started back up. I come with the reward of two chapters, though! I'm so very very VERY sorry!

_Chapter 33_

_Nothing To Lose, But Everything To Gain_

True to her word, Aria found a way to fit Ezra into her schedule without having to give up the friendships that she'd made. The weeks passed effortlessly as they both kept devoted to their therapy appointments, as well as keeping their lives as normal as possible. After announcing to their therapists that they had resumed their relationship, they had several joint sessions, which went better than the first. By all general consensus, they were closer than ever.

"I feel weird knowing I'm the only one among my friends who hasn't done **it**," Aria said as she pulled a dress from her closet. She turned to face her friends as she held the dress against her body and looked at herself in the mirror. Thanksgiving was just a two days away, and she still hadn't figured out what to wear. "Especially knowing Ezra and I have been together for a more than a year…"

"You can't look at it that way though," Hanna said as she typed a text message on her phone.

"Seriously," Spencer added. "You and Ezra will know when the time is right."

Aria sighed, hanging the dress back up in her closet. She ran her fingers over the dress she'd worn to the gala the month before, but then pushed it aside. While she wanted to wear a cocktail dress, that particular dress showed more skin than she needed to for a family event.

"Why not the black one that you wore to the dinner party at my house last week?" Samara asked as she closed the textbook she was flipping through.

Aria turned and looked in her closet for the dress Samara was referring to. It was the same dress that she'd worn when her parents had thrown the dinner party that they'd invited Ezra to. She pulled it out and looked at it for a few moments before hanging it on the door of her closet. "Maybe."

She turned and looked at Spencer and Hanna. "And while that sounds good in theory, we've been back together a month now. We're both in a great spot, and I feel like we're just…I don't know. Waiting for the 'right' time sounded good in thought, but now I feel like we're where we were last year. Always one step away from being right there, and then one of us changes our mind, or we get interrupted." She sighed, shaking her head as she looked in the mirror while holding a blue dress against her body. She shook her head. "Maybe it's just not meant to be."

"Aria, it **is **meant to be. You know that," Emily said. She was sitting next to Samara and they were flipping through one of Aria's newly acquired photo albums, the current of which contained photos from the trip to Spain. She and Samara had gotten closer over the past few weeks again, though they were still just friends.

Aria sighed again, shaking her head. "I'm not going to find anything in my closet. Who wants to go shopping?"

"Me!" Hanna and Katie said cheerfully. Laughter quickly filled the room that they were the first to say it, though there was no surprise at the fact.

"I'll come too," Spencer said. "I need something to wear that doesn't look like total crap."

"I have to meet Paige," Emily replied.

"And I have to finish homework for tomorrow," Samara said with a sigh. "I could so go for a shopping spree right now. Oh well."

Each of the girls chuckled, and then goodbyes were exchanged before Emily and Samara headed out of the house. Aria wasn't as quick to run out of the house though, given that she was dressed in sweats because her clothes had gotten soaked when she'd trudged through the not yet shoveled snow up to the house.

She pulled a pair of jeans from her closet and a pair of boots before stepping into her bathroom long enough to change before walking back out and grabbing her phone. She tucked it into her back pocket before she grabbed her coat. Spencer, Hanna, and Katie were already standing, waiting for her.

They headed down the steps, and Aria went into the kitchen long enough to grab her keys and alert her parents that she was headed to the mall before she walked out.

She started the car and then pulled out of the driveway, frustrated by the flakes that were starting to fall. It was a only a light snowfall, but there was a threat of more to come that night, and she was already ready for spring.

As she drove, the girls chatted about the current gossip both at Sheridan Prep as well as Rosewood Day. Samara and Eden had attended a few parties with Aria at Hanna and Spencer's houses since the year had started and gotten to know some of the people that Aria had known most of her life.

When they arrived at the mall, they headed into one of the stores, and Aria made a beeline for the dresses. She began moving them around as soon as she reached the racks, searching through the various colors and cuts to find the right one. As she did, her phone began to play music, signaling a phone call. She reached into her pocket and pulled it out, still moving dresses on the rack she was standing at.

"_It feels like today, I'm yours_

_It feels like today, I'm sure_

_It's the one thing that's missing-" _

She slide the arrow across the screen off her phone and lifted it to her ear, pinning it between her shoulder and ear. "Hey. What's up?"

"_I'm pressing time trying to get the last of these papers graded. Can we push dinner til eight?" _Ezra asked on the other end of the phone .

"Sure," she drawled, focusing on the dress she was currently looking at. It was a very light grey with rows of silver sequins made of sheer material.

"_Great." _There was a pause, and then something was said over the PA system in the store. _"Where are you?" _

"Shopping," she replied. "Trying to find a dress for Thursday."

Ezra chuckled. _"There wasn't one among the many dresses you already own?" _

"I guess not," she replied back in the same light manner. She moved another dress aside and then stopped. She pulled the dress in front of her off the rack and lifted it up. Spencer was standing across from her and she nodded as soon as she saw the dress. "Found it."

"_When do I get to see?" _Ezra replied. There was a loud noise on the other end, followed by a stream of curse words.

"What'd you do?" She asked, concerned.

"_Spilled coffee," _he replied, frustrated. "At least it was cold." He sighed. "I should stop trying to multitask. I'll see you in a few hours?"

"Yep," Aria replied. She ended the call and then tucked the phone back into her pocket before taking the dress in both hands. It was a strapless dress with a white bodice and a tan skirt. The bodice had embroidering on it.

"I'll have to wear something over it," Aria said as she slung it over one of her arms.

"So wear a cardigan," Spencer replied. "I'm sure I've got something you can borrow."

_-  
>So I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes<br>__All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss  
>-<em>

The final day of classes for Aria wasn't really classes at all, given that they were cut in half, and most of her teachers let the students talk amongst themselves. When the end of the day had finally come, Aria said her goodbyes to Samara, Katie, and Eden with the agreement that they would meet up together on Friday for lunch.

She awoke Thursday morning around eleven, and jumped into the shower before going through the process of getting dressed. She wore a pair of thick white tights with her dress, which fell to just above her knees. As promised, Spencer had borrowed her a cardigan which fell to just below her butt and was loose enough to let her dress show, but still fit well enough that she wouldn't be cold as long as she had it on.

She packed her phone and a book into her purse and then headed out of her room and down the hall, the steps and into the kitchen. Her parents were both seated at the table, each working on grading papers.

"Where's Mike?" Aria asked as she pulled her phone out of her purse.

"I sent him up to change," Ella replied. "He wanted to wear jeans and a t-shirt."

Aria chuckled. She brought up her text messages and clicked on Ezra's name. The message from the night before showed.

**Stuck in town cause of this storm.  
><strong>**See you tomorrow. Xoxo.**

She smiled at the message and then clicked on the small white oval at the bottom. When her keyboard came up, she began to type.

**Did you do your shoveling this  
><strong>**Morning, Mr. Fitz?**

She sent the message off and then, when Mike returned to the main level of the house, she headed out by the door and grabbed her winter boots and slipped her feet into them before she grabbed her coat out of the closet and pulled it on. She zipped it up and then buttoned it up as well.

Her parents and Mike entered the area a moment later and her parents grabbed their coats while Mike slipped on a pair of boots as well, before they all headed out of the house and walked across the walkway to Byron's car. Aria sat in the back seat behind the passenger seat where Ella was seated, while Mike sat behind Byron.

As soon as they were settled in the car, she pulled her phone out of her purse again and brought up the screen. She burst into laughter at the reply.

**Hell no! I'm not goin' out in  
><strong>**that crap! And Mr. Fitz is my  
><strong>**father. Xoxo**

Byron and Ella exchanged a look of confused mirth at Aria's reaction, though they quickly resolved to the fact that it was probably something Ezra had said. Still, there was no anger behind the realization for either of them. After everything that had happened that year, it was a sound that they had come to love and appreciate more than they ever had. There was a sadness in the both of them that there had **ever **been a time when either of their children didn't know laughter, and they were willing to do anything to make sure that never happened again.

When they arrived at the Fitz household, Ella grabbed a bag filled with food she had cooked up that morning and they headed up to the house. She and Anne had split the responsibility of food when the families had decided to spend the holiday together. To them, it seemed logical after having grown as close as they had, and Aria and Ezra got back together.

Once inside, Aria and Mike kicked off their boots and headed into the kitchen, where the entire Fitz family was gathered. Ezra and Elijah were flipping through a family album while Anne was keeping a watchful eye over stuffing on the stove, and Ethan was working his way through paperwork that Elijah needed done for school.

Aria sidled over to Ezra and slipped into the chair next to him, looking over his shoulder at the photos he and Ethan were looking at. She recognized some of them from the last time they'd looked at the family photos. She rested her hand on his thigh and his hand slipped over hers.

"That picture is so cute," she murmured, pointing to one of Ezra and Elijah. Ezra was about five, and Elijah was two. They were dressed up a Mario and Yoshi for Halloween.

"Why don't you kids go play video games or something?" Anne said, noticing that Mike seemed a bit out of place. She turned and looked at him. "Those boys have any video game you could think to want to play."

Elijah looked up from the album and at Mike. He pushed up out of his seat. "Yeah. We can play Call Of Duty. I've got Black Ops."

Mike smiled, and they headed off towards the recreation room. Aria and Ezra followed after them a few moments later and walked into the room to find Mike and Elijah already heavily immersed in the game.

Aria walked over to the piano and sat down at it. She ran her fingers over the keys before looking up at Ezra as he sat down next to her.

"Feels a little weird sitting here like this," Aria said, looking up at him as she pressed down on the keys randomly.

Ezra nodded as a light smile played on his face. "Considering every other time we've been in here, things have been at their worst, I'd have to agree."

Aria nodded as well and then looked down at the keys. She began to play the piano.

"Is that new?" Ezra asked.

She shrugged, looking up at him as she spoke. "Sort of. I wrote it the week school started. I was thinking a lot about everything that had happened because of Grady, and with us. I didn't know if it was going to get better, and even though I was happy for the first time in months, I just… I don't know. I felt this darkness around me from my own emotions, you know?"

Ezra nodded. "Those days, I usually sleep till 2 PM."

Aria smiled wanly and let out a light chuckle. She looked down at the piano again as she continued to play the opening chords of the song. "I was home alone one night, and I just sat down at the piano and started playing and writing. It was a mess, but when I was finished, it made me feel better. I just…" She shook her head, biting her bottom lip for a moment as she considered her words. She looked back up at him. "I felt like we were this firework that had shot up into the sky and burned so brightly, and then there was no fizzle or fading, but everything felt **gone**. I just had to get that out of me."

Ezra was quiet for a moment as she looked back down at the piano keys again. When she looked up at him once more, he spoke again. "Will you play it?"

Aria's fingers came off the keys, surprised. "Are you sure?"

Ezra nodded. "I want to hear it."

Aria looked up at and saw that Mike and Elijah were watching her. She had half a mind to glare at them, but then they had watched her play music before. Who was she to start yelling at them for it now?

The house seemed to be in total silence as she began to play the piano again. A few measures in, she began to sing as well.

"_I'm sorry I'm really a mess right now  
><em>_I'm trying my best to get it together somehow  
><em>_I can't see this way, locked up in this pain that you left me  
><em>_I'm unraveling, looking for things that'll never be  
><em>_Stars fade away, they just crash into space  
><em>_Disappear from the night like you and I…."_

She looked up and spotted shadows in the hallway that weren't there before. Her eyes drifted shut as she gave herself over to the song.

"_Tell me where loves goes when it's gone  
><em>_Tell me where hearts go when they go wrong  
><em>_Suddenly someone is no one, I've come undone  
><em>_Undone, undone  
><em>_Undone, undone, undone_

_I'm sorry I let me fall for you  
><em>_I can erase you and forget you, but I can't undo you  
><em>_You're the hand I can't hold,  
><em>_The words I'm not told when I'm lonely  
><em>_And I don't want you back, I just want to have  
><em>_What you took from me…"_

She opened her eyes and looked over at Ezra, entirely immersed in the song as she continued to play.

"_Stars fade away, they just crash into space  
><em>_Disappear from the night like you and I  
><em>_Tell me where love goes when it's gone  
><em>_Tell me where hearts go when they go wrong  
><em>_Suddenly someone is no one, I've come undone  
><em>_Undone, undone  
><em>_Undone, undone, undone_

_I'll come around again  
><em>_I know it's not the end  
><em>_But right now I've got nowhere to begin, to begin…."_

She paused for the briefest moment, noting all the people around her watching her sing and play. They were the people closest to her, and she loved them all, but this had to be the most vulnerable she'd ever felt as she pressed down on the keys once more.

"_Tell me where love goes when it's gone  
><em>_Tell me where hearts go when they go wrong  
><em>_Suddenly someone is no one, I've come undone  
><em>_Undone, undone…"_

There was another pause as her body moved with the movements of her fingers on the keys and she sang through the last verse, remembering what it had been like when she had written it. Every ounce of pain she had left inside of her poured into the words.

"_Nothing but emptiness inside  
><em>_Love leaves a black hole when it dies  
><em>_How can I ever love again  
><em>_I've come undone, undone, undone  
><em>_Undone, undone, undone…  
><em>_Undone, undone…"_

Even though there were only seven other people in the room, there was clapping, and she couldn't help but smile as she opened her eyes. A single tear ran down her face as she did, and she quickly reached up to wipe it away. She looked up at Ezra, and he seemed to be in entire awe of her.

"What?" She asked.

He shook his head, still without words. "You just…you carry that much hurt around and keep it to yourself because you don't want to hurt anyone else. It's amazing. Admirable."

Aria shrugged, trying to play it off. "They're just words to me when I'm writing them."

Ezra sighed, shaking his head for all the words he couldn't put together to tell her. He cupped the back of her head and kissed her forehead before moving his hand down and rubbing it up and down her back.

After a minute or so, everyone resumed their previous activities, and Aria and Ezra were left to private conversing once more. When she removed her fingers from the keys, his moved into her place and began to play. It only took a moment before Aria began to laugh.

"Seriously? Kiss Me Slowly?" She asked.

Ezra shrugged. "Isn't it better than anything else I would normally play?"

Aria nodded. "But I'm sure you probably make Hardy nuts playing this twenty-four seven. Am I right?"

Ezra shrugged again. "The man needs to open himself up to the possibility of love."

"I thought you said he was seeing Sasha," Aria replied.

Ezra nodded. "And on the verge of screwing it up every time he turns around. He's got to get his head on straight or he's going to lose her because he can't navigate relationship without lying."

Aria frowned. "That's sad."

Ezra nodded again. "I just hope he figures out to get his head on straight, cause God knows he's in love with her."

_-  
>We were just two kids in a beat up car<br>__Oh I'm still driving home from the things I've done  
>-<em>

Aria pushed stuffing around on her plate as she tried to decide if she could manage to eat anymore food. Between the sweet potatoes and ham, and the turkey and stuffing that Anne had made, her taste buds had been in a heaven of their own in the last hour.

Ezra stabbed his fork into a piece of ham left on her plate and stole it. She chuckled, running her hand up and down on his thigh has she took a deep breath. Maybe if her food settled a bit…

"I know we've been talking a lot about our own traditions, but are there any the Montgomery family would like to share?" Anne asked.

Aria, Mike, Ella, and Byron all seemed to exchange a look before Ella replied.

"In our family, we like to go around the table and name one thing that we've been grateful for this year."

"That's a good idea," Anne replied. "Why don't you start?"

Ella nodded, dabbing her mouth with a cloth napkin before she placed it down on the table. "I'm grateful for my children's happiness after this year. I know it's been really tough, but they've still managed to find a way to be happy today."

She looked to Mike.

He shrugged. "I'm thankful for second chances on the Lacrosse team."

Everyone chuckled and he shrugged, stabbing his fork into a sweet potato.

"I don't want to repeat anyone, so I think Ezra will agree with me when I say, I'm grateful for competent students this year." Byron said.

Ezra laughed and nodded.

Elijah sighed with and shifted in his seat in a slightly superior manner, but there was a smile on his face. "I'm grateful for making the dean's list."

Anne looked around the table at everyone. "You know, I think out of anything, I'm grateful to have my family together and happy for the first time in years, and elated to have new additions to join us." She looked to Aria as she added the second part, and they shared a smile.

Ethan settled his fork on his plate and gulped down a bite of stuffing. "I've been saying this for weeks now, but there's nothing I've been more grateful for this year than my son's forgiveness."

Ezra's cheeks pinked slightly as he stared down at his plate for a moment. "Well I don't want to copy anyone either," he said in a light tone. He looked up with smile on his face, and shook his head, speaking with a hint of laughter in his voice. "So I think what I'm most thankful for is that I didn't get murdered when Aria and I revealed our relationship."

Everyone laughed, and he looked to Aria. His smile fell as he saw that she had tears in her eyes.

She gulped and shook her head, reaching up with her free hand to wipe away the tears. "I'm grateful that I had all of you here. In your own ways this year, you all helped me, maybe even in ways you don't know." She turned to Ella. "You listened when I needed you to. Even when you didn't agree with the choices I was making, you let me appeal to you." She turned to Byron next, and a smile crossed her lips as her shoulders shook lightly in laughter. "You didn't murder Ezra."

Next she turned to Mike, and tears filled her eyes once more as their eyes locked across the table. "You were so patient and fair while everything was happening this spring. I feel as if I took attention off of you, and I'd already done that so much last year."

She looked to Elijah. "You showed up at the most **inopportune time**, and somehow managed to bring laughter with you." She looked up at Ezra and then back at Elijah. "We needed that."

"Well **all **needed it," Ella added, squeezing Aria's free hand.

Aria looked to Anne. Once again, she let out a light chuckle. "You helped me and my friends, and I'll always be grateful for that. And you made me feel like it was okay to be who I wanted to be."

She moved forward in her seat so that she could see Ethan. While her left hand still rested on Ezra's left thigh, she moved her left over his hand and slipped her fingers between his. "We know you don't see it that way, but you saved your son's life this year, and as grateful as he is for it… so am I. I love him too much to lose him."

She took a deep breath and then sighed a heavy breath as Ezra turned to look at her. She smiled. "You gave me the fire and the drive to overcome all the things that would've sooner torn me down. And if I tried to name every thing you made me grateful for this year, we'd be sitting here all night," she said with laugh.

Ezra smiled and tilted his head down against hers. She kissed him chastely and quickly, as to not draw the inevitable 'ew's and 'gross's from their family members.

After everyone had finished dinner, the adults stayed at the table, while Mike and Elijah returned to their rather aggressive video-gaming.

Aria followed Ezra down the hall on the other side of the house, into the bedroom that belonged to him. There were boxes all over the floor.

"Are you moving back in?" She asked as she followed him over to the chair by the window.

Ezra shook his head. "I wanted to talk to you about that."

He pulled her down into his lap, and Aria draped her arm around his neck.

"What's up?" She asked.

Ezra brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "You know how I've been talking with people back in New York again?"

Aria nodded.

Ezra pressed his lips together for a moment. "They offered me a job at a private school on the upper east side, starting in March."

Aria's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Wow. That's so great."

Ezra nodded. "I'm pretty sure I want to take it, but I'd have to move sometime in February."

Aria took a deep breath. "So you'd be leaving…"

Ezra nodded again. "I can't see driving four hours every day for work. I'd be spending all my money in gas. I just…" He took a deep breath and sighed. "I can't see staying in Rosewood any longer than I need to. It's hard just to be here now."

Aria bit her bottom lip as tears began to fill her eyes. "So what does that mean for us?"

"I want you to come with me," Ezra told her softly, brushing his thumb lightly back and forth against her cheek. "After graduation."

"I don't even know if I've gotten into NYU yet, though," she replied. "I can't see going there and not being in school."

Ezra nodded. "We can talk more about it if that happens."

"It's not that I don't want to leave Rosewood with you. I'd love to leave Rosewood with you and go to NYU. I just don't know what I'd do if I agreed to it and then I got to New York, and I wasn't going to school." Aria told him.

"I understand," Ezra said, nodding.

"So what are we going to do if we end up in two different cities?"

Ezra shrugged. "Skype. Wrack up a crap-load of frequent flier miles."

Aria laughed, shaking her head. "Yeah, every other weekend on an airplane, flying across the country."

"Exactly," Ezra said with a laugh.

Aria rested her head against his, letting out a long breath. "We're going to be okay, right?"

"Absolutely," he replied.


	34. I Want You To Be Free

**A/N: **I swear I've been getting messages about this chapter since like chapter 20.

And on the subject of something later in this chapter: **I am not a Red Sox fan. It just flowed with the story. **If I have to pick a team…Well, 1: I'm from Wisconsin and Green Bay is my home town so my chosen sport is **football**. Moreover, I root for the **Packers. **However, I love Milwaukee too, and so I guess you could say that means that **I **support the **Brewers. **(Although, for anyone who cares to know, if you're an Aaron Rodgers fan **I am**, I've been told he's a bit of a jerk. Please keep in mind that most of my family lives in Green Bay and has regular run-ins with the players.)

Now that I'm finished with my sports rant/talk/what-have-you. READ! AND REVIEW!

_Chapter 34_

_I Want You To Be Free_

Christmas loomed nearer with each passing day, making Aria more driven to fit in every moment she could with Ezra. She wouldn't be seeing acceptance letters until January at the earliest, and she was terrified that he'd end up leaving before they knew if she would be able to attend NYU.

Granted, other options had crossed her mind after their initial discussion. She knew full well that she could go to any other school, and even with the separation, Ezra would support her, regardless of her decision. Still, she didn't want to end up across the country from him for an entire year.

By the time the week before the holidays had arrived, her plans had been set in stone. She was going to meet with her friends on the 27th and exchange gifts with all of them. She and Ezra were going to spend the 23rd together, and early on Christmas eve, she would be driving with her parents to a small town in Maine, where they would be spending the holidays with her paternal grandparents. While a part of her wasn't entirely excited about not seeing Ezra or her friends for two days, she understood that they would all be spending time with their families too.

Aria dropped her books onto her desk and looked around her room. There were several duffel bags on the floor already filled with clothes, as well as all the other necessities she would need for a two day trip. Beside them sat a stack of presents that had been wrapped shortly after Thanksgiving. She walked over to them and grabbed one off the stack before she headed out of her room and down the steps. As she headed towards the door, she breezed past her mother.

"Be careful driving," Ella said in a light warning tone. "The roads are slick. And if the drive is too tough there, don't come back tonight."

Aria nodded before pulling her coat on. She grabbed her purse off the table and then said her goodbyes to her parents before heading out of the house.

Her knee-high boots did little to keep the cold out as she walked across the front walk to her car. She was careful to tread softly on the ice so as not to slip, but there was the usual silent panic in her brain as she made her way to her car that she **could **actually slip and fall.

She made it to her car without doing so, and breathed a sigh of heavy relief as she opened her car door and then got into it. It was still warm from her having come home from school not more than half an hour earlier. She started the car and then rubbed her hands together before placing them on the steering wheel, thankful for the fingerless gloves she was wearing.

She tugged her seatbelt across her body and then checked her mirrors before backing out of the driveway. She was a little disappointed that her plans had gotten in the way of seeing Mike receive his present, but her mother had promised to videotape it. As far as they all knew, he had no clue that he was getting a car, albeit used, and they had all done their very best to keep it that way.

As she headed onto the highway, cars breezed past her, but she was grateful to not find herself in the full onslaught of holiday traffic. Given that school had just let out, it likely wouldn't start for an hour or two, and continue into the night.

The only sound that filled the car was the radio playing Christmas tunes. She occasionally changed the station when one started to play a song she had just heard on a previous station. While the roads were slick as Ella had told her, they were better on the highway, given that they were taken better care of because of all the drivers.

She pulled into Philadelphia about half an hour later, and made her way through the city until she reached Ezra's apartment building. When she arrived, she headed down into the parking garage and parked her car in one of the visitor spots before grabbing her things and heading to the elevator. The garage was no warmer than it was outside, and there was nothing more that she wanted than to get into the warmth of Ezra's apartment.

She rode the elevator up to his floor and then stepped off when she arrived and headed straight to his door. She knocked thrice, bouncing lightly on her heels as she waited for the door to open. It did so a few seconds later, and she smiled up at him.

"Hey," he said cheerfully. "I didn't think you'd get here so quickly."

"Am I too early?" She asked with just a hint of sadness.

He shook his head. "Not at all." He opened the door wider, offering her entrance. Aria stepped inside the apartment, grateful when the heat hit her.

Ezra gave her a once-over and smirked. "Very festive, aren't we?"

Aria narrowed her eyes at him as she turned back to look at him. "You know I love Christmas. And you're the one wearing a tie with penguins wearing elf hats."

Ezra chuckled. "What can I say? I was called into a meeting today. I wanted to go with the holiday cheer. Still, you surpass me."

And she did. She was dressed in a red dress with a swoop neck and low back, along with white tights and a white cardigan. She'd also worn a black belt around her waist, low on her hips.

She walked over to the tree that Ezra and Hardy had gotten and placed the wrapped present under it. There were only a few under it.

They discussed how their afternoons went while Ezra made cocoa for the both of them, and then proceeded to discuss their holiday plans before heading over to the couch. Ezra sat with his legs stretched out on in front of him, crossed on the coffee table while Aria curled up next to him with her feet tucked under her.

After the sun had set and they couldn't find anything on TV anymore to interest either one of them, Ezra stood and walked over to the tree. He picked up the present he'd gotten her, and then Aria joined him and grabbed the one she'd brought for him before they both returned to the couch.

She handed her present to him, insisting he go first. Ezra chuckled at her insistence, but still took it and pulled off the wrapping paper before removing the cover of the box. As he did, he knew what it was before he even opened the large book resting in his lap by what was hanging out of the sides.

"I was very nervous about giving up the sentiments of these things," Aria told him as he turned the large scrapbook open. On the first page was the photo of she and Ezra that she had taken with her phone. As he turned the page over, the paper bags were glued down on either side of two pages. She'd had to use a large enough box that the bags didn't get beat up. Along with each thing she had put into the book, she had added a small anecdote. Between the bags in the middle of the two pages, she had written in multiple colors of marker _'Get in the bag, Mr. Fitz.' _

Ezra chuckled, though his heart swelled at the sentiments, and there was a clarity in the knowledge that she saw importance in the littlest details of their relationship. He settled the box aside with the scrapbook inside of it and leaned forward, kissing her. "Thank you. I love it."

Aria smiled cheerfully as she looked down at the box in her lap. It was rather light, but large at the same time, leaving her to question what exactly was in it. She slowly unwrapped it and then tossed the paper aside before removing the top to the box. There was gift paper resting on top of whatever was under it. She pulled it aside and her jaw dropped. She already owned the books, which meant only one thing.

She turned the cover of the first book open, and looked down at the inside of the first page.

_For Aria,  
><em>_Love can transcend anything.  
><em>_Xo, R.H._

"Signed copies of _Let You Go _and _Free Fall_, Ezra!?" She squealed cheerfully. Ezra chuckled at her reaction.

"So did I do well?" He asked in a mock tone. He pulled out a long thin box that rested between the two books. Aria hadn't even noticed it sitting there, having been so consumed with glee by the sight of the books.

"There's more?" She asked as she took the box from him. Ezra nodded, and she lifted the lid.

Tears flooded her eyes as she stared down at the necklace. It was sterling silver with a heart hanging from it. Hanging from the end of the heart was a star. The necklace had been referred to often in the books, and had been sold on limited release earlier in the year, but they had been sold out before she'd been able to order one.

"I ordered this _weeks _before they were even sent out," he told her as he removed the necklace from the box. Aria turned and lifted her hair off her neck so that he could put it on her. "I was still like the two thousandth order or something like that."

"I can't believe you got this for me," Aria said as she lifted up the necklace off her neck and looked down at it. As he finished clasping it, she turned to face him. "I love it."

She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him. Ezra's hands moved to her waist as he kissed her back, brushing his tongue gently over hers.

They parted a few moments later and she smiled at him. "Thank you. It really is beautiful."

"You're welcome," he replied in the same cheerful tone. He breathed a soft sigh. "I'm just sorry I couldn't give it to you on Christmas day."

Aria shrugged. "Maybe we can do something the day after. We'll be back by mid-afternoon."

Ezra smiled, reaching a hand up to caress her cheek. "Maybe. But we've got all night tonight to ourselves, so what do you want to do? Hardy's gone until after New Years."

Aria looked around the room, pondering the options for a moment. Ezra twirled a strand of her hair absentmindedly, waiting for her to speak. She looked up at him and smiled shyly. "Whatever you want."

He chuckled. "Why don't we start with movie and take-out."

"Okay," she murmured in reply.

He put in a call for chinese food while Aria raided the DVD collection. Eventually, she came up with How The Grinch Stole Christmas and then put it in the DVD player. It wasn't necessarily romantic, but she enjoyed holiday movies, and since Christmas was in a few days, she was feeling festive.

They settled against the couch and watched the first half of the movie before being disturbed by their dinner arrival. They picked over the food and continued watching the movie, even reciting lines back and forth to each other and laughing at all their favourite parts together. Aria genuinely felt comfortable with him there, and she could see that he felt the same way.

"Aren't you gonna cuff me?"

She giggled, looking up at Ezra. He was looking down at her, smiling. "What?"

He shrugged, shaking his head. "It's stupid."

"What?" She asked seriously. "I wanna know."

"I just used to wonder if I'd ever see you enjoy the holidays like this ever again. Sometimes I wondered if we'd be able to get over the hurdles in front of us, and if we did, if we would still want to be together. I always loved you, and sometimes I was afraid of losing you."

"Aww, babe..." Aria gave the slightest pout before pushing her body flush up against his and pressing her lips to his. Ezra tightened his arms around her, sliding a hand under her cardigan until it rested on her bare back, between her shoulder blades. His lips parted and his tongue brushed over her bottom lip. It only took a moment for them to realize this was serious.

Aria straddled his right leg as she came up onto her knees, bringing Ezra up with her. He pushed her cardigan off her shoulders as Aria unbuttoned his green dress shirt. As she started to push it off of him, he pulled her belt buckle apart and then threw it onto the floor to join her cardigan. His shirt joined them a moment later.

He pulled his lips away from hers, breathing a 'stop' as he did so. Aria sighed, dropping her head onto his shoulder.

"Really?" She asked.

Ezra cupped her face in both of his hands and tilted her head up to look at him. "Do you really want to go at it on my couch?"

Aria thought about it for a moment. Ezra chuckled, giving a small smile.

"I was merely suggesting we move to the bedroom."

A smile crossed her face as she realized that, and she moved off his lap before offering him her hand. Ezra grabbed his shirt and her cardigan from the floor before taking her hand and leading her through the apartment to his room.

When they entered the room, Aria wrapped her arms around Ezra's neck, while his hands rested on the small of her back. They moved south to cup her butt as he lifted her up and moved backwards toward the bed. When his legs hit it, he sat down and then rolled over, resting on his arms as he began to trail kisses down her neck as his hands moved under her dress. Aria reached for the buckle of his pants but he was just out of her reach.

She lifted her hips so that he could move her dress up before she sat up. They stared each other in the eyes as he lifted it over her head and then let it fall to the floor, forgotten as he pulled her closer to him and kissed her once more. Aria moved her hands into his hair, fighting him for dominance as his tongue probed her mouth.

He laid her back down on the bed and moved his hands down to her panties. He tugged gently, and they came off of her along with her tights in one quick tug as Aria lifted her waist off the bed, and then brought her legs up so that he could pull them all the way off. He grabbed her left leg before she could let it drop back to the bed and trailed kisses from the inside of her ankle down to the inside of her knee, and then up to her pelvic bone before repeating the same action with her right leg. As he came back to her center, Aria moaned breathily, feeling his breath on her.

He moved up on the bed, capturing her lips once more, but only for a moment before he began trailing kisses down her naked flesh, from her neck, down between the valley between her breasts to her stomach. As he came to rest in front of her again, she was trembling.

"Aria," he asked cautiously.

"I need you," she murmured back. Ezra crawled back up the bed and kissed her cheek softly. Her brow knit in confusion for a moment before she shook her head and grabbed his hand. She brought it nervously down to her folds and pushed his fore- and middle finger into her wetness. "Ezra, I NEED you."

Realizing the true meaning behind her words, he pushed his index finger inside of her and gently rubbed his thumb over her clitoris as his tongue brushed against hers. His slow movements drove her crazy, but gave her the freedom to finally get his pants unzipped. She could already feel his erection starting to grow.

She moaned softly into his mouth as he added a second finger to his ministrations and began to trail kisses down her neck. She reached to move her hand inside his boxers, but he moved down farther on the bed and took one of her nipples into his mouth and began to suckle. Erection momentarily forgotten about, Aria dug her fingers into his hair and moaned, begging him for more pressure as she rose her hips up off the bed. After a minute, he moved to her other breast as he began to pick up his movements inside of her. Aria began to rock gently against the bed, meeting his torturous thrusts. He could tell she was close as she dug her nails into his scalp. He slowed his movements just for a few moments as he kissed down her stomach and then came to rest in front of her center again. Without any warning, he pressed his thumb hard over her clitoris once and then took it into his mouth and sucked as hard as he could as he began to thrust his fingers in and out of her as fast as possible. Aria pressed her hands hard against his skull as she cried out and gushed streams of liquid into his mouth.

Her body spasmed as she laid there while Ezra licked her clean. Afterwards, he crawled back up the bed and laid down next to her, pulling her gently into his arms. She breathed heavily as she waited for her heartbeat to come back down.

"Oh my..."

"Name's not God, but I'll take it," he teased.

She giggled softly, closing her eyes for a moment. Once she had a handle on herself, she reached a hand down over his boxers and squeezed lightly. His erection had grown. He groaned as she wrapped her hand around him from outside his boxers. "Aria..."

It was a tone of a different nature.

She trailed her lips down his neck and down his chest until she came to his jeans and boxers. She pulled his throbbing manhood from his pants and immediately took his head into her mouth. A shudder ran through him as she rubbed her tongue over it and then took bobbed up and down once on him. Taking his reaction as a good sign, she repeated the motions, alternating between sucking on the head of his erection and taking him entirely into her mouth. As she did, she managed to move his pants and boxers off his waist a few inches and took his balls into her hands. She massaged them gently, but she knew he had held out long enough waiting for her to climax, and a few moments later, he came into her mouth. it wasn't pleasant, but she swallowed it before crawling back up onto the bed and lying down next to him.

"I can't believe you just did that," he murmured softly.

Aria smirked at him and curled her body up against his. "Believe it. Along with what I'm going to do to you in a little while."

Ezra chuckled and shook his head. When he realized he was serious, his tone changed. "Aria, we don't have to DO anything."

She cupped his cheek. "I want you, Ezra. I've waited long enough."

They laid there in eachother's arms for a while as they both regained their energy. Aria was tracing circles over one of his scars as she laid with her back pressed against his chest while he made the same lazy movements over the inside of her thigh. Each time he grew closer to her center, she held her breath in anticipation that he might finally touch her again, but each time he moved his fingers away instead of continuing.

Finally she groaned and grabbed his hand. "You're mean."

Ezra chuckled, running his tongue over a spot at the base of her neck. "You're not ready."

Aria reached behind herself and gripped his manhood. "I AM ready."

Ezra moaned and she kissed him. His tongue was quickly inside her mouth as his fingers rubbed the outside of her folds. She was in fact wet.

She rolled over and tossed a leg over his hip before pushing him down on the bed and pinning his arms beside his head. For a brief moment they both tensed, and then each reminded themselves of their earlier actions and that they were both safe. Ezra bumped his hips up against Aria's. She moved back and forth over him, rubbing her wetness onto him. He groaned, obviously wanting more.

"Aria," he growled after she continued for a few minutes.

"You're not ready," she said in the same mocking tone he'd used with her, sitting up straighter.

That was all it took. he flipped her over and pinned her down the same way she'd had him. Every muscle in her body tensed, but she took several deep breaths, and she and Ezra shared a look until he was sure she was okay. He reached into the nightstand and retrieved a condom before sheathing it onto his erection and settling between her legs. His eyes bore into hers as he slowly pushed into her. She shifted slightly under him, struggling to find comfort for a few moments. Finally, she settled and wrapped a leg loosely around his hip, bringing her lips up to meet his.

He began with slow movements, keeping in mind that she'd only been through this once before, and it had been painful. His kisses on hers were feather light as he thrust into her with gentle vigor. It didn't take long before she began to grow bored with his movements though, and began to bring her hips up against his, demanding more. He began to pick up his pace, moving in and out of her faster and faster until finally she collapsed on the bed while her walls spasmed around his erection in climax. He continued to thrust into her as he bit down on her shoulder; each time her walls spasmed around him, his own climax became that much closer. Suddenly she cried out as she reached a second orgasm, and her walls tightened against him again, sucking him into her body. He came, moaning loudly as he stopped moving and lowered onto her. They both heaved breaths, taking comfort in lying in each others arms as her body continued to spasm around him, each time eliciting a soft moan from them.

He didn't move until he had softened entirely, and then only did so to dispose of the condom before lying down on the bed next to her. Aria curled up into him, resting her head on his chest.

"That was **so **worth waiting for," she said when she had regained most of her energy back. Ezra chuckled, brushing his lips over the top of her forehead as he leaned over to tug a blanket over their naked bodies.

Aria looked up at him after a few moments when he hadn't said anything in response. He stared down at her with a look of something she wasn't sure of.

"Is something wrong?" She asked.

Ezra shook his head, brushing his fingers through her hair as her head rested on his other arm. "I just…I wish we'd been able to have this moment before he hurt you. That what he did didn't have to be your first experience, memory… you know?"

Aria nodded. "But it's the past. We can't change it. And I don't really want to spend any more time thinking about how I would if I could."

Ezra smiled ruefully. "You have a very astute view on your life."

Aria shook her head, leaning into him once more and nuzzling against his chest. "I just don't want to be defined by my rape. For the longest time, I wanted to go back and change it; figure out what I did wrong and fix it so that it didn't happen." She exhaled a heavy breath. "And then I made this promise to myself a little while ago that I wasn't going to do that anymore. No matter what I do, the past isn't going to change what he did, and even if I could, it's not my fault. I did nothing wrong."

She tilted her head up to look at him and reached a hand up to cup his cheek, making him look down at her. "You did nothing wrong. There's nothing you could have done."

Ezra nodded. "I keep telling my father that. I think in some way it's started ingraining itself into me as well."

Aria smiled up at him. "Did you think six months ago you'd ever call him that again?"

Ezra chuckled, shaking his head as his hand trailed small circles on her back. "I was determined to never speak to him again."

"And now look where we are," she said breathily. She closed her eyes, weary.

_How can I ever love again; I've come undone, undone, undone_

When morning came, Aria awoke early and moved off the bed. She snatched one of Ezra's t-shirts from the floor and slipped it over her body before heading out of the room and across the hall to the bathroom.

She turned on the shower and then removed the t-shirt before using the toilet and then getting into the shower. Her only choices were men's body wash and unscented shampoo, so she quickly washed up with both and then stepped out and grabbed a towel.

She wrapped the towel tightly around her body and then headed back into the bedroom. She picked up her discarded clothes from the floor and shook them out before unfurling her coiled up tights and panties and stepping into them.

Ezra groaned, opening his eyes at the sounds of movement. He looked up at Aria. "What time is it?"

"Around eight," she murmured. "But my family is leaving in a few hours. I have to get home."

Ezra nodded. He sat up and rubbed a hand down his face before shaking his head, attempting to shake away any sense of sleep left. "I'll go make some coffee."

He moved off the bed and grabbed his boxers from the floor, and tugged them up his body before walking around the bed and heading out of the room.

Aria dropped her towel as she settled her tights and panties on her hips, and then reached for her dress. She gave it another good shake and then pulled it over her head and down her body. She ran her hands over the front of it afterwards, trying to smooth out any wrinkles. There were a few that stretched across the bodice from lying on the floor all night.

She grabbed her belt and slipped it on before grabbing her cardigan finally and pulling that on as well.

Aria walked out of the bedroom and down the hall into the kitchen where Ezra was spreading cream cheese onto a bagel. She walked over to the door and picked up her boots and then leaned against the wall as she pulled them onto her feet.

"You ready for Christmas with the Montgomery's?" Ezra asked with the slightest hint of laughter in his voice.

Aria narrowed her eyes at him and stuck her tongue out at him. "It's two days, and then I'll be back, thank God."

"I thought you liked your grandparents," he asked.

"My **mom's **parents," she replied. "My dad's are just…they're so right wing conservative that I feel like I'm in a room alone with Emily's mother. For two days straight."

"What's wrong with Emily's mom?" Ezra asked.

"Nothing," she said quickly. "She's just very…." She shook her head, sighing. "She expects a lot of people. It can be very tough to be around."

Ezra nodded. "I've got a few family members like that."

The coffee maker spewed out a few more drops and then stopped and beeped three times, alerting them that it had finished. Ezra walked over to it and grabbed one of the disposable coffee cups that sat stacked nearby and a cover. He poured coffee into it and then added creamer and sugar to it before handing it to Aria with the cap pressed firmly on. She took it from him and then leaned up and kissed him on the lips.

"Thank you."

Ezra nodded, picking up his bagel and taking a bite out of it. "Call me when you get to your grandparents so I know you made it safe?"

Aria nodded, kissing him once more before grabbing her coat and pulling it on. She buttoned and zipped it before heading over to the door. She murmured an 'I love you' over her shoulder as she headed out of the apartment and down the hall to the elevator. She punched the button and then stepped inside once the doors opened, and quickly hit the button for the parking garage. The ride down was quiet, not even filled by Muzac.

When she reached the garage, she jogged over to her car, wanting to get into warmth as quickly as possible. She unlocked her car and then got inside and immediately started the car before turning the heat up as high as it could go.

She tugged her seatbelt across her body and then rubbed her hands together before placing one on the steering wheel and the other on the gearshift. She shifted the car into reverse and moved out of the parking space before shifting into drive and heading out of the garage.

The sun was bright as she made her way onto the road, and it was snowing lightly. Drifts blew across the road, making random shapes as she drove.

She reached over and turned on the stereo before turning the CD player on and letting whatever disk was inside of it start to play. The song that started was unfamiliar to her at first, and then she remembered why.

_Aria walked out of her bathroom, rubbing her hair down with a towel. It was mid-November, and there had been a week of weather in the sixties, which had led to her friends banding together and deciding to throw a car wash to raise money for the senior class trip. She was nervous about the idea of taking another class trip, given what had happened the last time, but she was reminding herself to not become entirely swept up in her fear. As it was, the boys on the school hockey team had decided to bomb the girls with water balloons that they had put food coloring in, which left her needing to take a shower when she got home. _

"_What're you doing?" She asked as Ezra wrote on a disk with a permanent marker. _

_He turned to look at her and smiled. "It might be the cheesiest thing for me to do yet, but it's a mix. For starting over." _

_He handed it over to her and Aria smiled. _

Even though she'd had the CD for more than a month, she hadn't listened to it yet, due to the fact that she was generally either driving with one or more of her friends with her, or having something else in the player. She'd put it in the day before, and then had gotten a phone call before leaving the driveway, and had forgotten to turn the radio on before she left.

She turned the stereo up and listened to the first few lines.

"_never thought a train going any place  
><em>_could've changed my life  
><em>_never thought I'd say I could go insane  
><em>_till I saw your eyes  
><em>_and I had to take another look  
><em>_to know for sure that you could be for real_

_you found an empty seat sitting next to  
><em>_and I asked your name  
><em>_where you coming from, where you headed to  
><em>_this Saturday  
><em>_cause I'm gonna be out on the town  
><em>_as long as you are going there with me…"_

A smile tugged across her face, and she turned the stereo up louder, tapping the stereo in time with the music.

"_yeah, my head keeps spinning  
><em>_you got me tripping  
><em>_there's something about the way you move  
><em>_yeah every little single thing you do  
><em>_its like one part angel and one part danger  
><em>_but oh, the kind of crazy I like  
><em>_you got me losing my mind  
><em>_I'm losing my mind."_

She continued to listen to the CD as she made her way back into Rosewood, and found that she was grateful that she left Philadelphia when she did, because the highway was filling more and more as she got further away from the city limits.

She arrived in Rosewood in record time, and parked her car outside of her parents house before breezing into the house and dashing up the steps to her room. She changed out of her dirty clothes into a pair of jeans and a long t-shirt before grabbing one of the several sweatshirts she had pilfered from Ezra's closet. It was her favourite – a red and white Red Sox sweatshirt that he'd worn so much that his scent clung to it.

She headed back down the steps to find her parents and Mike at the table eating breakfast. She walked over and sat down, stealing a generous helping of bacon before taking some scrambled eggs as well. As she ate, she let Mike fill her in on all the gadgets and gizmos that were in his new car as well as how her parents had gone about giving him the car.

After breakfast, she headed up to her room and brought down her already packed bags into the family room while she waited for her brother and parents to change and bring their own things down. While she waited, she texted back and forth with Spencer, who was already awake, given that she was headed to Florida to spend the holidays with her mother's parents.

When her parents returned to the first level, everyone donned their jackets and boots before heading out to the car. They left stocking the trunk properly to Byron, and Ella made a passing joke about Aria's separate bag for boots and shoes.

It wasn't until her family was headed out of town and they passed the exit sign for Philadelphia that Aria thought about the events of the night before, and for the briefest moment, a surge of fear, regret, terror, and all the other emotions that came with having sex for the first time after a sexual trauma hit her. It only lasted for a few seconds though, before she forced herself to forget about it. Ezra loved her, she loved him, and she wouldn't be defined by her past. She was better than that.


	35. Take Me As I Am, Bad Or Best

**A/N:** The last chapter. Are you serious!? Yes I am... I started this story in January and then put it off til April after writing the first six chapters... I love it so much, and it was such a learning curve for me to write. I seriously hope you guys loved it as much as I do, because it meant so much to me to write it, and even more that you guys read it! This little baby wasn't even ever going to get posted because Katie (bitemeimirish) never thought that anyone would read about such a taboo subject. I'm amazed that you guys have, and have come with me this far, and I thank you so very much! I Love you all! Muahs!_  
><em>

_Chapter 35_

_Take Me As I Am, Bad Or Best_

_Six Months Later_

Maybe it was cliché, but she could've sworn that in the time it took for that red cap to come floating back down into her hands, the last two years of her life flashed before her eyes, reminding her of all the struggles, pains, accomplishments, and successes she'd made. She dropped her head back forward and found herself looking into the sea of people that were here to celebrate with herself and her classmates. Somewhere in the group was her family. She could hear Mike calling her name, even though she couldn't see him. Anne, Ethan, and Elijah were roughly twenty feet away waving to her. And of course, Hanna, Spencer, and Emily were just feet away, coming to tackle her in a fit of squeals and giggles. Ezra was the only one not in attendance.

Her body hit the ground hard as she laughed with her friends. The Rosewood Day graduation had been the day before, and she had been grateful for that fact, as it gave her the ability to attend her friends' graduation, and for them to do the same for her.

After the Rosewood Day graduation ceremony, she had joined her parents back to Spencer's parents, where Mr. and Mrs. Marin and Mrs. Fields had also joined all of them for a joint family celebration. Jason had also dropped in, where the girls had given him an honorary diploma in Alison's name, given specially from the mayor. In mid-March, it had been revealed that Garret had been the one to murder their friend, and the case had been officially closed. Ironically enough for Aria and her friends though, all hell seemed to break loose after that.

Toby got his own apartment in Philadelphia and asked Spencer to move in with him – and she did, after she'd turned eighteen.

Caleb left Rosewood after the first semester of school ended and moved to California to live with his mother. He and Hanna had actually managed to maintain a long-distance relationship during that period. Aria was pretty sure though, that what really blew Hanna's mind was when Ashley started dating Detective Wilden again, and the two actually got serious. Graduation day for her friends had also been their five month anniversary, and, after asking Hanna's blessing, Wilden had proposed to Ashley.

Emily's father had gone missing for several days over seas, but was found, and he was sent home for several weeks before returning back to Afghanistan. She'd also found herself in a bit of a tryst between Samara and Paige before ending things with Paige to give her relationship with Samara a second chance.

And of course, her newest friend, Katie, had managed to find herself in a few skirmishes that always ended up having the funniest stories. Aria's favourite senior year memory still rated as the water balloon fight she'd joined Katie and Samara on. It had been something the entire senior class had gotten involved in, but instead of water being in the balloons, they had been filled with finger paint.

It had taken Aria nearly three days to get all the paint off her body, and nearly twice as long for the school to get the paint off the soccer field.

For herself, she didn't feel as if hers second half of senior year was as crazy. As promised, Ezra had packed up and moved to New York just after Valentines Day. They had stuck to their promise of visiting each other, and split the weekends amongst themselves for who took the two hour drive to see one another. He had moved into his parents old place after Anne had signed over the lease to him.

Still, things became strained, and there had been a brief amount of time when Aria wondered if they were going to be able to make it work, or if their relationship was simply destined to fail. That fear was quickly squashed a few days later when her acceptance letter from NYU arrived. It had been on a Friday on which she was supposed to take her turn to drive to see him, and in the midst of all the fighting they'd been doing, she wasn't sure that she wanted to make the trip before the letter had come. She'd ended up making the choice to go after mulling it over, and in the weeks leading up to graduation, they worked through their issues. It had come to a realization to the both of them that the major reasons they'd been arguing was that, with Ezra having moved away, they had put less work into making their relationship **work**, and both were putting heavy pressure on themselves to do well with where they were in their own lives.

"We're not in high school anymore!" Hanna squealed cheerfully as she and Emily pulled Aria up from the floor. They would both be heading to California in a few weeks because they were both planning to attend UCLA, even though all the girls had agreed that they would return to Rosewood in December for Ashley and Darren's wedding. Caleb would be attending UCLA with them.

Spencer was headed to Connecticut and would be attending Yale. She and Toby were planning to stay together, though he hadn't yet decided if he was going to follow her to Connecticut.

"No, we're just devoting another four years of our lives to more schooling," Aria said with a laugh.

"Girls, squeeze in for a photo!" Aria wasn't sure who said it; it was one of their mothers, and she wrapped her arms around Hanna and Emily while Spencer stood on the other side of Emily. They all smiled brightly, and Mrs. Hastings snapped a photo of them.

Samara, Katie, and Eden joined them a few moments later, and Aria's parents came along a few moments after, insisting on taking more photos. It was only a few seconds later though, that the girls were pulled off into different directions with their own families. The room had started to empty out as people headed off to their various destinations.

"Why don't we head out," Ella said. "Your father's already headed back to the house to get the grill started up."

Aria linked her arms through Spencer's and Hanna's arms as they walked, and the action reminded her of the day she'd gone back to school and had assumed that Ezra was cheating on her. Her mindset was so entirely opposite from that day though, and there wasn't anything anyone could do to remove the smile from her face.

They headed out of the school and made their way through the crowds of people before Aria stopped in her tracks, halfway across the parking lot. Her friends and family continued walking, and Hanna and Spencer only stopped and turned a few paces later when they realized she wasn't walking anymore.

Her eyes narrowed for the briefest moment through crowd before she took off in a sprint, running past her family and her friends. Only when she'd crashed into his chest with her arms wrapped tight around his neck was she stopped by the force of gravity, though he nearly stumbled off his feet. The flowers in his hand fell and he chuckled, wrapping an arm around her too.

"I'm **so **sorry," Ezra said as she leaned back far enough to see him. Suddenly her lips were on his, and he was speaking between kisses. "I. Tried. To. Get out of. The field trip. And I drove. As fast. As I could."

He lowered her to the ground a moment later, and she was reminded of the kiss they had shared in the parking lot at Rosewood Day when he resigned to go work at Hollis. She finally released her hold on him a few moments later and Ezra chuckled, brushing a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry I missed your graduation."

"I'm sure at least three people attending the barbeque at my parents place got it on video tape," she replied. She wrapped her arms tight around his neck and buried her face in his neck, sighing. They hadn't seen each other in more than two weeks because they'd both been preparing for final exams, and then, as part of the job he'd taken on, he'd been required to chaperone a class trip to D.C.

Their parents caught up to them a few moments later, quickly flanked by her friends.

"Ezra, you made it back," Anne said cheerfully. Hugs were exchanged among family members before Ezra finally managed to pick up the flowers that Aria had knocked from his hand when she had thrown herself at him.

"These are for you," he said, though it didn't carry as much effect as it would have if she hadn't knocked them to the ground. She chuckled and thanked him for them before slipping her free hand into his. The large group began making their way across the parking lot once more, and split off to head towards their own cars.

Aria walked to Ezra's car with him and he opened the passenger door for her before circling the car and getting into the drivers seat. They each buckled themselves in and then he started the car and pulled out onto the road. The roads were shiny from rain, which had been the cause for her graduation being indoors.

"How was your fieldtrip?" She asked as he drove.

Ezra shrugged. "It was a bunch of teenagers whining about being surrounded by adults instead of being able to go out and party. But it was okay." He looked over at her as Aria grabbed his hand in held it in her own. "Wish you could've been there with me."

She smiled at him and then looked out the windows. "If I had done that, I wouldn't have been able to pack everything I own into a dozen boxes so that it can all be moved to New York."

"Really?" He asked. "Only a dozen? You fit your shoes into under a dozen boxes?"

"Hey!" She squealed. Given that he was driving and she couldn't hit him, she lifted his hand to her mouth and bit the back of his hand, hard enough to hurt but not enough to draw blood.

"Ow!" He whined, though he was laughing as well. Aria rubbed her thumb over the bite mark to soothe the superficial wound.

"It's so weird," she said as they came to sit at a stop light. "Everything in my room fitting just into a few boxes. It's funny what you realize you don't want anymore or don't need when you're going somewhere completely new."

Ezra nodded, understanding where she was coming from.

Aria looked up at the stoplight and then back at him. "Can I ask you something?"

Ezra nodded, looking at her. He looked up at the adjacent lane's lights, and moved his foot onto the gas, waiting for the light to turn green as the other lanes' light turned red.

"Will you marry me?" She asked, completely serious.

There was no answer, but the car suddenly lurched before coming to a complete stop and they both were thrown forward in their seats. Their seatbelts restricted them, and Ezra thanked God for good breaks as he looked up at the light. It was now green.

He gently pressed on the gas, and once they had eased across the intersection, he dared a glance over at her. "…Are you serious?"

Aria nodded, still holding his hand in hers. "I don't mean next week or next month, or even next year. Just…" She shrugged. "Will you?"

Ezra said nothing as they drove through the remaining streets until they were parked outside her parents home. Everyone else had already arrived, and from the distance, they could be seen in the back yard of the Montgomery's, talking and generally just having a good time.

He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled something out before removing his seatbelt so that he could turn to face her.

"I was going to ask your parents' blessing first," he said with a soft laugh. "And then ask later, when the time felt right. You beat me to it."

Aria smiled at him, blushing. "I love you Ezra, and I may not know much, but I know I love you, and I want to be with you forever. I want to marry you, and have babies with you, and grow old together."

He smiled and looked down at the box in his hand. He opened it and revealed the ring inside. It was simple; a sapphire stone held within the confines of the ring. She loved it.

He pulled the ring from the confines of the box and then took Aria's hand in his own. "Yes, Aria, I will marry you."

They shared a celebratory kiss before getting out of the car and heading up to the house, where everyone greeted them excitedly. Aria let her friends pull her aside where the conversation was a mix of excitement and sadness; excitement for what was to come for each of them in the next few months, and sadness for the fact that, except for Hanna and Emily, they would be split up. She said nothing about the ring, and either her friends didn't notice or didn't ask, but she didn't mind. Becoming engaged was something she was happy to keep to herself for a while, because if she Ezra half as well as she thought she did, there would be a 'real' proposal for the benefit of their friends and family sometime in the future.

But for them at their core, their relationship had been made up of private moments, from the very beginning. And while they had come out to the public about their relationship, she was only too happy to let the private moments continue. It was in those moments that they really knew each other, and knew what their relationship was at its core.

As the sun started to set, her guests began to disperse, until it was just her parents, Ezra, and Mike. Mike and Byron had headed into the house to help Ezra with the boxes as Ella sat at the patio table they had in the back yard with Aria. Aria was turning the ring absentmindedly on her finger.

"Must you **really **go tonight," Ella said, though her tone wasn't angry. It was merely the plea of a mother quickly coming to the realization that her baby was about to leave the nest. And that, unlike the more typical situations, there was very little chance that Aria would ask to return.

Aria chuckled, shrugging. "I love him, mom." She took a deep breath and looked around the yard. "And he's right. This town carries too many memories. Alison's death, Mona….Grady…"

Ella reached across the table and squeezed Aria's hand. "I know, sweetie. I was merely making a futile last-ditch effort as a mother."

Aria smiled, squeezing Ella's hand in return. "Thanks, mom. For everything this past year. I don't know that I would've gotten through it without you."

Ella smiled even more so. Her gaze fell and then drifted back up to Aria. "When's the wedding?"

"What?" Aria was surprised. Had she seen the ring earlier?

Ella chuckled. "Sweetie, Ezra pulled us aside after you two got here and explained how your proposal nearly got you two killed."

Aria blushed. "I've never really been very patient, have I?"

Ella laughed once more. "No, you haven't."

Aria looked down at the ring on her finger, turning it back and forth on her finger as she did. "I wonder what a stranger would think of me, if they knew nothing but the last two years of my life."

Ella shook her head, pulling gently on Aria's hand to make her daughter look up at her. "They'd think you were strong and determined. That you fight for what you deserve, and you'd move heaven and earth to help the people you love."

Aria looked up at Ella "You have to say that because you're my mom."

"No," Ella disagreed. "I have to say that because it's true."

_-  
>I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken<br>__I'm gonna say it like it's never been spoken  
>-<em>

The drive to New York was only filled by the generic sounds of their cars and the stereo as Aria followed Ezra back to New York from Rosewood in her own car. Her parting gift from her parents had been a GPS so that she would know how to continue if, for some reason, she and Ezra got separated on the highway.

By the time they reached the city, it was late, and they headed down to the garage and parked the cars. They each grabbed a box and then headed out of the building, and Ezra waved down a cab before giving the driver the address to the apartment. They would retrieve the rest of her things in the morning.

The drive to the apartment was quiet, as the three of them all seemed tired from their own daily events. When they arrived in front of the building a few minutes later, Ezra handed over a few bills to the driver and then he and Aria got out and retrieved the boxes from the trunk of the cab before heading into the building. Aria followed Ezra through the lobby to the elevator, where they rode it up to the apartment.

They stepped inside, and Aria quickly settled the box on the floor, looking around the room. There was new furniture in the family room, as well as Ezra's baby grand piano. The TV was centered in the middle of the entertainment system, and the large floor-to-ceiling windows gave a generous view of the city.

"You tired?" Ezra asked as he pulled his shoes off.

Aria shrugged. "A little. Not enough to go to sleep yet."

"Do you want the tour then?" He asked. Aria nodded.

She pulled her boots off and took his hand before letting him lead her down the hall. He led her to the master bedroom first, which was nearest the end of the hallway, and opened the door.

The walls were painted a soft shade of teal, and the bed had the same bedding that had been in his apartment back in Rosewood. There were two desks in the room, on either side of a dresser that sat in the middle. There was a TV mounted on the wall a few feet above it. There were bedside tables on either side of the bed, which had a wooden frame.

And of course on the farthest wall, there were bookcases filled with books of all shapes and sizes.

"This used to be my parents room," Ezra explained.

"Did you not want to go back to your old room?" Aria asked.

Ezra shrugged as he pulled the door shut. They stepped across the hall, and he showed her the bathroom briefly, just so that she knew where it was before he led her back up the hall a few feet and stopped at the door that led into his old room. His hand rested on the door knob for a moment as he looked back at her. "I don't know. Maybe. I just didn't want to be in that headspace again. All the memories, you know?"

Aria nodded.

He turned the knob to the door and pushed it open before reaching over and turning on the light so that she could see into the room. There were a few bookshelves left in the room, but they were bare. It was otherwise empty, except for a few boxes sitting inside the room, unopened.

"I figure at some point we'll figure out what to do with it." He said.

Aria walked into the room, looking around. There was nothing left in the room to suggest that it had ever been his room, but it only took a few seconds before she spotted the oddly colored wood on the floor. She knelt down onto the floor and ran her fingers over it and then turned to look back at Ezra.

"Do you regret it?"

He stared at her for a moment. "No. Because, including a long line of other things, I believe that those events led me to you. And any reality where you don't exist in my life isn't one I want to know."

She smiled wanly at him and then pushed to her feet and walked back over to him. He flipped the light switch off and pulled the door shut before they headed back down the hall into the family room. Ezra led her around the corner into the kitchen, and showed her where everything was before they each grabbed a water bottle and headed back into the family room.

Aria stood in front of the windows, staring down at the street as Ezra sat at the piano, pressing his fingers on the keys. She turned and looked at him a moment later.

"Wait a second," she said. "You didn't show me Elijah's old room!"

Ezra chuckled. "There's nothing in it. It's empty, other than bookshelves."

"Have you figured out what to do with it?" Aria asked as she walked over to the couch and sat down.

Ezra looked up at her, smiling coyly. "I've got a few thoughts."

Aria raised an eyebrow at him, curious. "Like what?"

Ezra looked over at her, chuckling softly. "It's not set in stone, but Hardy's asked if he might stay here for a few weeks."

Aria sat up straighter. "He's going to move here to be with Sasha?"

Ezra nodded, tinkering on the piano keys. "In a few weeks. I told him I'd talk to you about it. He only wants to stay long enough to find a job and then either move in with her or get a place of his own."

Aria smiled. "That's sweet."

She laid back on the couch, fluffing the throw pillows behind her as she watched Ezra continue to fiddle with the keys, not actually playing anything that sounded like any part of a song.

"Are you going to continue to fool around or actually play something?" She teased after a while. Ezra looked over at her and smiled before sitting in silence for a few moments. When he figured out what to play, he placed his hands back on the keys and began to play.

Aria immediately knew the song he was playing, and a smile crossed her face as she watched him play. She wondered if, in the depths of everything he had gone through two years earlier, Dr. Sullivan had ever considered the idea that he might find himself in that very same room years later, finding a way back to the piano to play just for the sake of playing, instead of doing it to keep from hurting himself or trying to escape the turmoil he had suffered through.

Her eyes drifted shut, and the memories of that night back in her bedroom more than a year earlier ran through her mind. She remembered how disconnected she had been to everything, and how cold he'd been to her. How she had heard him punching the wall after that, but hadn't known what it was at the time, only that the sound had scared her. She could look back now with a slightly more objective view of where they had been at that point in their lives, and shake her head at some of the actions they had made, whether out of fear or any other emotion. She knew that she was still recovering, even more than a year after the fact, but her trauma didn't dominate her life, and she didn't let herself give the memories the time of day. Grady and the things he had done to her were in her past.

"_You know there **is **an upside to feeling like this, right?" _

_Aria could swear that Hanna had become the life coach she'd never asked for. She wasn't quite sure what it was that was driving her emotions, but for the past few days, she'd just felt like utter crap. She didn't have very much drive to do anything other than lay in bed and hide from the world. _

_Hanna reached over and pulled the earbud out of Aria's ear. Her brow furrowed a moment. "That song is **so **depressing." _

"_What do you care?" Aria asked, finally looking up at her friend. Her tone was angry and frustrated. "You know __**nothing**_ _about how I feel right now! You haven't been through what I have!" _

_Hanna seemed to shrink back at Aria's anger towards her. "I didn't mean…I'm sorry, Aria." _

_Aria breathed heavy, angry breaths for a few moments before forcing herself to remember that it wasn't Hanna that had hurt her. "No. I'm sorry." She was quiet for a few more moments before running a frustrated hand through her hair. "What were you saying?" _

"_I was saying there's an upside to feeling the way you are," Hanna said tentatively, clearly afraid of having her head bitten off again. _

"_How do you figure?" Aria asked. _

"_Because," Hanna replied. "If you've hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is up. Things can only get better." _

_Aria sighed and leaned back against the wall behind her. She stared out her bedroom window. _

"_And regardless of what that song is telling you right now, you **can **be fixed, Aria." _

She opened her eyes sometime later to find that she was wearing a different t-shirt, and tucked under the confines of a heavy blanket in a strange room. She looked around her, grateful to be in the comfort of Ezra's arms, until she remembered that they were in New York, and that she didn't have to be scared. She exhaled a breath and then turned and looked up at him. He was fast asleep. She snuggled closer to him and rested her head on the middle of his chest, staring down at his bicep as she laid there in the darkness. Innately, his arms tightened slightly around her. A moment later, she heard him laugh, and she couldn't help but giggle softly to herself. He was laughing in his sleep again. That was so much better than his screaming.

She reached her hand up and brushed it over his naked torso where the ink was pressed permanently into his skin.

Serenity. For the promise that he wouldn't be afflicted by the things that had affected him anymore.

She looked down at her hip as she moved her hand and moved her shirt up slightly. Her own tattoo was smaller, but it was just as personal. It was the word Innocence, for the choice she'd made to not let what Grady had done take away everything innocent about her, and the kind of person that had made her for the previous seventeen years of her life.

Serenity meant to be calm and untroubled. The definition of innocent was to be pure and uncorrupted.

That didn't sound like a bad life to her.


	36. Tidbits And Extras

_Lost That War:_

_Tidbits, Extras, Deleted Scenes…_

So of course, we've reached the end where, as usual, I do the questions/answers, extras that you miss out in the story, and the deleted scenes.

To start off, I want to say this because there's been many times when there have been statements about it.

**SOS was discontinued so that I could write this story. **When I initially started writing this story, it was after discussing, over a period of several weeks with Katie (bitemeimirish) that I wanted to do something involving the subject of rape. We both discussed it, and to be honest, I think we both had agreed that we weren't sure anyone in the PLL world would actually want to read a story about such sensitive subject matter. Imagine how floored I was when the story had as many reviews as it did.

**Why was the story so heavily rested on Ezra's shoulders? **

The answer to this is very simple. When I first started this story, it was with the excerpt posted at the top of chapter one. All I knew was that I wanted to come back to that excerpt somehow. I wanted to somehow tie it into the story, and show how Aria could go from being so desperately in love with Ezra, to a point where she almost saw him as poison.

As it was, the first ten chapters or so **were **very heavily rested on his shoulders. However, as I continued to write the story, I gained more feedback from friends, who wanted to know more about what was going on with Aria, which drove me to shift the story more into her direction. I gave Ezra the stronger voice for the majority of the story because in terms of my own issues that I've been through, I've been in the situation of having to deal with something like that happening more than once. It was easier to pull from my own memories for his arc than it was to try and navigate how Aria would feel, though why, I'm not exactly sure.

I have to put this in here:

**Why not have Aria and Ezra have sex earlier in the story? **

I put this in here because I got a review earlier on asking for them to have sex, and to be honest, it really hurt me. Regardless of whatever reason that someone would think this would be okay with where the characters were at (which, at the time, was before Aria's trial had happened), **it's not**. I don't think I know of a single person who would become sexually involved that soon after being assaulted. Being able to have sex after a trauma like that is terrifying, and trying to do it before you're ready (which believe me, the characters weren't) can have lasting effects that can severely hurt a person emotionally.

**Why did Ezra keep referring to himself as damaged? **

Very simple really. I said many times on twitter and tumblr that Ezra's story was a mock-up of my own. (Not the same, but some of the same elements). A lot of the things that he said were modeled after things I said/say about myself. As unfortunate as it is, one of the words I clung to early on (sadly because of the 'friends' I had at the time, who didn't really help me as much as I thought they were) was **damaged.** Over the years, I've gotten better, but really up until the past year, I used it almost on a daily basis. I remember on one occasion, there was something said on TV (I think it was Oprah or something; maybe a commercial _during_ Oprah?) about how so many people don't know why they're unhappy, and I said out loud in front of two close friends, "I do! I think I'm too damaged to be loved."

As sad as that is, it **is **a belief I have about myself. Putting those words in Ezra's mouth seemed easier not only because his story was modeled slightly after mine, but also because Ezra and Aria are who I identify on PLL, and it seemed as if, given that we're both creative types, that it was something I could actually see him saying.

**And YES: **Ezra **was **the other person on the site Aria was using. **No, **they didn't know that the other was also using it.

**DELETED SCENES: **

There weren't many this time around. There were a few that were changed around a bit, but otherwise they were all used, I think, as far as I can remember.

_This first scene was the first scene I wrote that revealed Ezra telling Ella about what had happened to him. I'm pretty sure that at the time, I was still writing chapter one. It was what led to the final version, but this one needed some edits, as it was pretty bare bones. _

Ella walked over to Ezra's couch after she'd watched Mike and Aria walk off towards their father's office.

Ezra looked up from the book he was skimming through at her. "Something wrong?"

"Not at all," she replied. "I just...Can I ask you about something?"

Ezra nodded, turning a pen between his fingers. He settled it on his desk and walked around to the front of it, leaning back against it. "Anything." He gestured to the couch. "Please."

Ella sat down on the leather couch and looked up at him. She folded her hands as he perched on the edge of his desk and gripped the edges of it with his fingers.

"You know that we spent a year overseas in Iceland?"

"Right." Ezra nodded. "Aria and I met the day you guys got back."

Ella nodded as well. She was tentative to even bring the subject up. "When we got back, we really didn't know much about what was going on here. But Byron, he saw some of the papers from last term's Hollis students put out-"

Ezra bit down on his tongue. "Did you guys talk to Hardy?"

Ella looked at him with her mouth slightly ajar. She didn't know how to answer his question without worrying that she had upset him. The last thing they had wanted was to make him feel like they were prying into his life.

"The night Aria was hurt, we asked why you were so upset. He wouldn't say anything beyond the papers. Ezra, we-"

Ezra shook his head at her, pushing off of his desk. "You don't want anything more than to pry into my past is what you and Byron want."

"No," Ella insisted. She stood up. "Byron and I wanted to apologize, Ezra."

His brow furrowed in confusion. _"Why?"_

"For accusing you of the things we did, when you and Aria came to us. If we had known-"

"Stop," he said angrily. "There's a reason no one knows about those things. They're in the past. And it feels really disrespectful that you would suddenly decide that the choices we made weren't wrong anymore because you can see that I'm damaged now."

Ella shook her head. "Ezra, that's not at all what I'm saying."

"I really can't deal with this right now," Ezra insisted. He turned around and faced his desk, moving things around just to keep himself focused on anything else but what she was bringing up.

"Ezra, please just listen- Oh screw it. I'll talk to your back if I have to." Ella crossed her arms. "You know the reason that I was the first to come to you and tell you it was alright to see Aria was because I understood how real this is for the two of you. Aria is my oldest child, and my only daughter. I expected this to happen a few years from now though. I never expected that she'd find...you, at sixteen."

Ezra turned around and look at her. "Your point?" His voice was raw with pain.

"When I started accepting that I couldn't change how you and Aria feel about each other, I knew that I had to start accepting that, like it or not, you're a part of this family now. We care when things happen to you."

Ezra nodded, clenching his jaw as he leaned back against his desk again. His fingers gripped the edge of it again, and he stared at the floor.

"It was about a year ago," he said softly. "I was twenty-one, and I was alone on campus for the weekend. And he, ah, broke the hinge on my window. I should've been on the top bunk, but Hardy was gone, and I had been studying for finals in the library."

Ezra looked up at her and crossed his arms. "When Hardy came back Sunday evening, he thought I'd lost my mind, because I wouldn't say anything. And then he got pissed because I stripped the bed to get rid of the evidence, and thought I threw a party while he was gone. It took me missing three days of classes and an STI for him to realize what happened. Not sure he's ever really gotten past the way he treated me that week."

_This was the original version of the fight that took place in Ezra's office. I wasn't sure how to introduce it into the story when I actually wrote it, so I ended up changing some things because of it. **This excerpt is very detailed and graphic. You have been warned. **_

"Don't touch me!" Aria screamed, shoving Ezra backwards. He hit the floor, most of his weight falling onto his cast.

He steamed, clenching his fists. "I get it, alright? Damn it! I know what you're going through!"

Aria cackled at him. "Yeah, right. Like you could ever know anything-"

Ezra shook his head, angry tears filling his eyes. "Was my senior year of college, Aria." A knot was tight in his throat, threatening to keep every word he was trying to say from getting out. "And someone was going after dark-haired guys on campus."

Aria stared at him with an angered expression. "So?" Her voice had softened just in the slightest.

Ezra looked down at his cast. He clenched and unclenched his fist. "He broke in when Hardy was out of town visiting family. I liked to sleep on the bottom bunk when he was gone so that I didn't have to do the ladder.

I woke up, and my arms were tied to the bed, and he was just getting settled behind me. I opened my mouth to scream, and he shoved a sock in my mouth and shoved my face down into the pillow so I couldn't spit it out.

I screamed and screamed when he finally did it. The funny thing was, all I remember thinking was how awful that sock tasted, and how I was going to do laundry once it was all over.

When he finally got off, I thought maybe he'd leave, but then he made me lick him. MADE me suck on him. He came on my face and then FORCED me to get off. And while he did he got off a third time.

He left the key in one of my hands and left me there. When Hardy came home, I had barely moved, beyond getting dressed."

"Did they catch him," Aria asked.

Ezra shook his head. "And he came back. Three times. I was his first and only repeat victim. In the sociology stacks, he came in and shoved my face into the books and ripped my pants off. He had a knife to my throat that time. He always wore a mask, but he tied my hands with a zip tie that time.

The last time, he followed me right back from the infirmary and raped me with my door open. Everyone was in class, and i had jsut given the police a statement. When they finally came along, he locked the door and then made me gag on him until he was satisfied. He beat the hell out of me too."

Aria's shoulder were slumped as she sat on his desk, her arms tightly crossed. "What about Jackie?"

Ezra forced a laugh as several tears fell from his eyes. "She didn't believe me. She said that it wasn't possible. Jackie said a lot of things, and we didn't speak for almost eight months. That day, that you saw that photo of us from Italy? She had messaged me. She was working with one of the other victims, and wouldn't you know it, he said he knew me. She asked him how. He told her he'd seen a photo of me when the police asked if he knew any of the other victims.

We met once. He came by the dorm room when I was packing my things to move into my apartment. Asked if we could talk. I asked him why. He showed me his discharge papers from the hospital."

Ezra forced a gulp down, nodding his head. "I didn't know where my life was when I met you. I was just trying to get through things day to day, and you made things a whole hell of a lot better. When I found out I was your teacher, I pushed you away because I didn't want something to happen to you where I ended up hurting you like I'd been hurt. But when I came back from New York... I'd seen my mom and brother while I was there. They both knew about what happened, and they knew I was seeing someone, without even saying anything."

He walked over to her, but he didn't touch her. "I hated falling in love with you. Thats why I left. I hated feeling that vulnerable again. If I could be so vulnerable that someone could come after me in what I felt like was my home, then what stopped them from coming after me at my apartment?"

"I get it," she whispered, staring up at him.

Ezra shook his head. "I thought I could keep this from you. That if I never said anything, then you would never know. Ever since that night, though…" [unfinished]

_Of all the scenes that I couldn't figure out a way to adapt, this one I was most sad to lose. It's the most different from the original, and I love it. However, it was written before the existence of Ezra's family came into play, which leaves it kind of bare in that regard. **This scene is graphic. You have been warned (for the second time now).**_

"Ezra Fitz?"

Ezra looked up from his desk, holding his finger in place of the page he'd just reading in the book he had his western lit. class reading. A man was standing in the doorway with a clipboard in his hands.

"Can I help you," he asked.

The man nodded. "Got some papers for you to sign for the new coffee table you ordered." The name on his shirt said Justin.

Ezra nodded, looking over at the one he was still using. Ever since he'd knocked into it when Aria had shoved him a few weeks earlier, it had been rather unsteady. He walked over to the man and took the clipboard from him.

"Just need your account number and a few signatures," Justin said as Ezra looked the sheet over. He looked around the room. "You seem too have a nice setup in here."

Ezra looked up at him for a quick second, and then back down at the papers he was signing. "Thanks."

"Certainly have come a long way in a year."

Ezra furrowed his brow and looked up at the guy. "Excuse me?"

"Don't recognize me?" Justin asked.

Ezra looked at him suspiciously. "What?"

Before he realized what had happened, he was on the ground, blood dripping from his lower lip. He brought his good hand up to his lip. "What the hell?" His eyes grew wide as he watched Justin shut his door. Suddenly he couldn't scramble fast enough to get to his feet. "Get the hell out of here. Now!"

"YOU drove me out of town," Justin growled as he advanced towards Ezra. He punched him again, and then kneed him in the gut. "Had a pretty nice set-up going before you went to the paper."

He shoved Ezra to the ground and dropped next to him, holding him by the collar of his shirt as he returned to punching him.

"You were raping students," Ezra argued as he tried to deflect the man's fists. He screamed as Justin brought his knee down on his healing wrist.

"I should've killed you that day in your dorm," he growled as he picked Ezra up by his collar and slammed his head back into the floor. He moved to his feet and began kicking Ezra in the torso.

Ezra struggled to get onto his elbows and knees, trying to get in a breath. "Why come back now," he gasped in short breaths.

"Because you're the unfinished piece of the puzzle," Justin growled. He stomped on Ezra's casted arm several times, causing the plaster to fracture and weaken as he did so. Ezra pushed himself onto his hands with less restraint from the cast, and Justin kicked him, knocking him into the coffee table. One of the back legs snapped off.

"You'll never get away with this," Ezra groaned. "Someone will catch you eventually."

Justin kicked him in the side of the head, effectively knocking him unconscious.

Aria turned the door handle to Ezra's office. She hadn't heard from him her entire drive over to the campus, which had her worried. There hadn't been a time that she'd called him since their discussion two weeks earlier, that he didn't pick up. They were finally in a place where they were being honest with each other and telling each other everything.

She pushed the door open and gaped at the sight. An unfamiliar man was kneeling over one of Ezra's legs, working on trying to get his belt undone. His shirt was already ripped open.

"Get off my boyfriend!"

Justin glared back at her. "Leave, or I swear to God, I'll kill him right now."

She could see that he was serious. He had a knife in his hand.

Aria looked panicked at Ezra. He was still unconscious. She looked back at Justin and then turned and closed the door. She had to find Jackie or Hardy.

She was barely ten feet away from the door when Jackie turned into the hall. Aria ran to her. "You have to call the cops. This guy- he-he was in Ezra's room. He's-"

Jackie looked down at her, shaking her head. "What are you talking about?"

"The guy who hurt him before!" Aria cried. She tried not to be loud. "He's got a knife."

Jackie shook her head, pulling her phone from her pocket. She was already speed dialing 911 as she charged down the hall.

"He'll hurt him-"

Jackie glared back at her. "He already has! Do you WANT Ezra to be in the same damaged state you are?!"

She didn't wait for an answer. Jackie yanked the door open and charged into the room. She didn't wait for Justin to react. She charged at him and kicked the knife from his hands and then shoved him backwards and shoved her boot down against his throat as she spoke into her phone.

"You need to send an ambulance and the police to the Hollis English Department. Your campus rapist just tried to attack again." Jackie looked over her shoulder at Aria. "Hey, little Montgomery. Catch."

Aria looked up at her, having just draped her jacket across Ezra. She knew she hadn't left Justin with Ezra long enough to let him hurt him, but he'd managed to get his pants unbuckled and started pulling them down. She caught Jackie's blackberry.

"Hello?"

_"Can you tell me if the victim is alive?"_

Aria pressed her fingers up against the side of Ezra's neck. His pulse was racing.

"He's alive. Unconscious, and really beat up."

_"Any gaping wounds?"_

Aria looked over Ezra's body. He had a few cuts on his head, and a nosebleed that had stopped, but she couldn't find anything that seemed super deep. "Not that I can see."

"_Alright. An ambulance has been dispatched to you. EMTs will be along shortly." _

Aria closed Jackie's phone and settled it next to her, turning her attention back to Ezra. She ripped a piece of his torn shirt off and gently pressed it against the deepest wound on his forehead. He winced and groaned under her touch.

"Ezra?"

She looked over at Jackie, who was arguing with Justin. She still had her boot in his throat. "I swear to God, I'll drive the spike of this boot right into your throat if you don't shut the hell up."

"S'not worth it," Ezra groaned, leaning his back up off the ground as he coughed.

Aria leaned down towards him, turning his head towards her. "What hurts?"

Ezra winced. "The table leg digging in my back."

"Don't move him."

Aria looked up towards the sound that the strict order had come from. An EMT was coming towards them. He was quickly flanked by police officers and more EMTs, who had a stretcher with them.

"Sir, you can't-"

"That's my son-in-law in there!" He lied.

Aria whipped her head around at the police officer trying to bar Byron from getting into the room. "He's my dad," Aria explained.

"Let him in. I want out of here," Jackie told the cop at the door.

"We need your statement," another piped in as he shoved Justin to his feet.

"So follow me to my office," she argued with the officer. "I didn't touch anything in here besides him, anyway."

Byron was at Aria's side a moment later. "Are you alright? Did he touch you?"

Aria shook her head. "No, Jackie tackled him before he could."

"Broke my cast," Ezra said. His voice was raw and cracked from choking and coughing. "Ow, damnit!" He growled at one of the EMTs as he moved Ezra's arm. "You DO realize the kind of force it takes to break plaster, don't you?"

"Sorry, Mr. Fitz."

They finally shifted him, rolling him off of the table leg that had snapped off the coffee table so that they could get the body board under him to put him on the stretcher.

"We're gonna follow you to the hospital," Byron insisted as he lifted his phone to his ear. He pushed up from the floor and walked out of the room.

Aria was pushed back as the EMTs worked to get him settled onto the stretcher and then pushed him out of the room. An officer pulled her aside and took her statement before she was ushered out of the room so that they could start taking photos and sketches of the crime scene.

She leaned against the wall outside of Ezra's office with her phone cradled tightly in her hands. She tapped on her screen, not knowing what to do. She knew her father had called her mother, and she didn't feel right calling one of the girls about this. It felt like calling one of them to talk about this, when they didn't even know what had happened to him a year earlier, would be an invasion of privacy.

Byron walked back into the hallway a moment later as he was tucking his phone into his pants. "Your mother is going to meet us at the hospital."

"Okay," Aria replied quietly. She pushed away from the wall and tucked her phone into her right sweater pocket before crossing her arms. She walked over to Byron.

He wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulders as they walked out of the builiding. "Are you alright?"

She looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you just saw someone you care for very much get hurt. Are you alright?" Byron repeated.

Aria shrugged. "I guess it hasn't hit me yet."

Ezra winced as he settled back against the pillows on his bed. They had stopped by the Montgomery home to snatch some off of Aria's bed when Ella had found out that Ezra only had two on his bed. She insisted that he needed more support for having three broken ribs and a major concussion.

Aria walked over to the bed and sat down in the space next to him. She handed him a glass of water. Ezra took it from her and took the Vicodin Ella had given him. He passed the glass back to Aria and then moved the pillow behind him into her lap. Aria leaned back against the pillows stacked behind her and wrapped her arms loosely around him. She brushed her fingers gently through his hair.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly.

"Bad, bad headache," he murmured softly.

Aria pulled her hand gently from his hair.

"Don't stop. That feels good."

_This scene actually did get used, but I don't think it was under the same context, and it was altered slightly, given that it wasn't the first time Ezra heard Aria play. _

Ezra awoke to the sound of piano playing. He looked around the room, and realized he'd fallen asleep in Aria's room. He yawned and pushed up off the bed. As he walked towards the door, he realized he could hear Aria singing as well.

He opened the door and stood there for a moment. He had no idea the Montgomery's owned a piano. He didn't even know Aria played piano. He strained his hearing, and then headed down the hall towards the stairs.

He stood there for a few moments and listened for a bit longer before he walked to the door at the end of the hall. The piano playing became less muffled, and he could actually make out the words Aria was singing.

He put his hand on the doorknob and turned it, opening the door a few inches. He could see her sitting on the piano bench.

_"Don't you dare look out your window,  
><em>_Darling everything's on fire..."_

He pushed the door open and walked over to her.

_"The war outside the door keeps raging on  
><em>_Hold on to this lullaby  
><em>_Even when the music's gone...gone..."_

He sat down on the piano bench next to her. She was playing with such adoration, it amazed him that he didn't know how well she could play. He almost felt ashamed for not knowing this about her.

_"Just close your eyes,  
><em>_The sun is going down,  
><em>_You'll be alright,  
><em>_No one can hurt you now  
><em>_Come morning light,  
><em>_You and I'll be safe and sound..."_

Aria opened her eyes, and jumped as she realized someone was with her. She looked up at him.

"S-sorry. Did I wake you?"

Ezra shook his head, brushing a strand of hair out her face. "I heard you playing. I didn't know you played."

Aria shrugged. "I don't much...At least not anymore."

Ezra shook his head. "Why not?"

Aria pulled the cover down over the keys on the piano. Her hands rested there for a minute. "I don't know. I guess after everything happened, I didn't have the drive for it. It was hard enough just to pick up a pen again."

"You know you're not alone though, right?" He asked.

Aria nodded. She turned on the bench to face him. "I just...I couldn't get the song out of my head." She laughed, but a moment later there were tears in her eyes. "I woke up from my nap and it was just there, and I thought maybe if I played it..."

Ezra cupped her cheek and leaned forward. He pressed his lips to her forehead. Aria wrapped her arms loosely around his torso, closing her eyes.

"Do you believe it's ever going to feel like that again," she asked. "Like everything's going to be okay again? That it's not going to hurt so much?"

"Yeah," Ezra said softly. "You know why?"

Aria shook her head as she sat up straight again. She wiped away the tears on her face.

He smiled at her for a moment. "Because. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, I met you."

Aria laughed again as more tears fell from her eyes. Her bottom lip trembled. "I don't know how I'd get through any of this if you weren't here."

Ezra moved over on the bench so that he was sitting right next to her, though she faced the piano and he faced the wall. He looked over at her.

"I can guarantee you, if you weren't here, I couldn't get through this." He wrapped his arm around her waist as Aria rested her head on his shoulder.

_For anyone who saw the video I made for this story, I said many times that the scene in Ezra's car from 217 was used for a reason. **And it was**. I'm not sure how I got distracted or forgot about this scene, but I did. I tried to reintegrate it in chapter 31, I believe, but there was a specific point I was going for when I had written this (around the time of chapter seven being written), and I was sorry to lose it. I love it very much. _

Ezra stared at Aria through the haze of water dripping into his eyes from the rain that had fallen on them outside.

"I need you to be sure that this- that we, are you want." He said softly.

Aria leaned over and cupped her hand around his face. "Why would you EVER think that I would feel differently?"

Ezra shook his head. "Aria, you're dealing with one of the hardest things you've ever been through right now, and I'm hardly in a position to help. I just want you to be okay, and I don't think that right now I can do very much to help you aide in being okay."

She leaned over and kissed him chastely. "I never thought, FOR A MINUTE, that any of this was your fault. And I know you don't think you can help me with everything that's happening with everything that's going on with you right now..."

Her voice trailed off and tears filled her eyes. She stared out the rain pouring down in sheets outside the window, shaking her head.

"Don't you get it," she murmured. "With everything going on right now, you're the ONE constant in all of it. My parents are arguing every time I turn around, my brother and my friends don't get it... It's not just that you do get it, it's that you listen, and you understand. I don't have to listen to you tell me that everything is going to get better 'eventually' or have you ask me WHY I'm upset. You just know."

Ezra stared at her as she spoke, listening to everything she was saying. He didn't' think she was wrong for anything she felt, because he felt the same ways when he was with her. He simply didn't want her to be hurt by his own problems.

"I know," he agreed a few moments later. "But there's a darkness to all that's going on around and with me right now-"

Aria whipped her head around to look at him. There was anger in her eyes. "You think I don't KNOW anger?!" She cried.

Ezra shook his head. "I never said that, Aria."

"Then what!?" She cried. "What's SO bad that you can't be with me?!"

"I don't want my pain to hurt you," he said softly. "Your own trauma is bad enough without adding mine on top of it. It's not fair of me to ask you to do that."

Aria exhaled a long breath, reaching up to wipe a tear away from her eye. "Who ever said you were asking me to do anything? I love you, Ezra, and that's that. I want to be with you, whether we're living in New York at our very best, or stuck where we are now. How I feel you isn't predicated on what you're dealing with at that point and time."

"I just know I'm going to end up hurting you," he murmured.

"No," Aria disagreed. "You really don't. So just give things a chance before dismissing them. Please."

_This is the last scene I wrote outside of the story and it was because I couldn't stop listening to Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute. I love that song and I love that band, and I had to use this song. It's almost word-for-word what ended up in the story, but switched around. _

Ezra stared out the doors of the balcony in the hotel room they were standing in together and looked out at the moon. October was certainly upon them, and it was freezing outside. He tucked his hands into the pockets of his suit and shivered.

Aria walked up to him with a sweater tugged around her shoulders. She shivered as she smiled at him. "Having fun tonight?"

Ezra shrugged, smiling back at her. "It's been great. You should look at the sky out here."

Aria walked over to him and peered out of the room at the sky. With so many people at the gala, there were more stars visible than usual. Her jaw dropped slightly. "That's so pretty."

Ezra nodded. He walked over to the iPod base where he'd placed his phone so that it could charge for a few minutes. He picked it up and tapped on it a few times before he found what he was looking for. The song began to fill the silent air as he placed it back on the base.

Aria looked over at him and smiled. "I love this song."

Ezra walked back over to the balcony and walked out onto it. He leaned against the railing, wrapping his hands around the cool metal. Aria walked over to him.

"Are you happy, Aria?" He asked as she stood next to him.

She nodded. "I think so. Happier than I've been in a while, at least. What about you?"

Ezra nodded. "Honestly, I didn't think I'd ever be this happy again."

Her smile widened. "That's great, Ezra."

"Do you know what make me happiest right now?" He asked her.

She looked up at him and shook her head. He turned his head and looked inside the room.

_"two shadows standing by the bedroom door,  
><em>_no, I could not want you more  
><em>_then I did right then  
><em>_as our heads leaned in  
><em>_well I'm not sure what this is gonna be  
><em>_but with my eyes closed all i see..."_

He looked back her. He placed his hands on her ribs and lifted her just the slightest as he tilted his head down and pressed his lips onto hers.

_"is the skyline through the window,  
><em>_the moon about you, and the streets below  
><em>_hold my breath as you're moving in  
><em>_taste your lips and feel your skin..."_

Aria was surprised by his actions at first, but a moment later, she placed her hands on his neck and leaned into him. Ezra's lips parted, and he brushed his tongue over her bottom lip.

_"when the time comes  
><em>_baby, don't run  
><em>_just kiss me slowly..."_

Aria opened her mouth, welcoming the warmth of his mouth into hers as she moved a hand down around his back, under his suit jacket. They parted when neither of them could stand to wait another moment for air. Aria closed her eyes as she rested her head against his chest.

"I don't think you've kissed me like that since the night before I left for DC."

Ezra chuckled. "Things are certainly looking up."

**The Playlist: **

As with any story, I create a playlist as I go along, of the music that either a) helps describe the emotions of the characters, b) I use in the chapter breaks or c) is actually used in the story or very specifically drives a scene.

My playlists can get rather long for stories because of this, but I always try to make sure to list them all. So… The Lost That War Playlist:

I Won't Give Up by Jana Kramer

What I Love About Your Love by Jana Kramer

Echo by Jason Walker

Down by Jason Walker

Damaged by Plumb (both the original and the remix)

We Are Broken by Paramore

In The Mourning by Paramore

When It Rains by Paramore

The Girl Who Broke In Two by Paul Freeman

Skyscraper by Demi Lovato

Where The Lonely Ones Roam by Digital Daggers

How Strong Do You Think I Am by Alexz Johnson

How I Feel by Alexz Johnson

Never To Know by Lene Marlin

Darkness Round The Sun by Alexz Johnson

A Town Like This by Cady Groves

Fix A Heart by Demi Lovato

Lost That War (feat. Alexz Johnson) by Jimmy Robbins

Where Do You Go by Alexz Johnson

I Will Be There For You by Jessica Andrews

Resolution by Nick Lachey

Stranger In My Skin by Christine Dente

Life After You by Daughtry

Heal by Westlife

Higher Window (Josh Groban Acoustic Cover) by Gavin Mikhail

Tightrope by Rone Pope

Crawling (Carry Me Through) by Superchick

Hold by Superchick

Breathe by Superchick

Romance Is… by Lights

She Blames Herself by Jenni Schaefer

Everybody Breaks A Glass by Lights

Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne

Lullaby by Nickelback

Look At Those Eyes by Alexz Johnson (both original and remix)  
>Cry by Jason Walker<p>

Face Up (iTunes Session) by Lights

Take Control by Love Is A Story

Everything But Me by Daughtry

Crazy by Daughtry

Come Undone (Acoustic Version) by Jackson Waters

Between Shades Of Gray by Gavin Mikhail

To Write Love On Her Arms by Helio

You'll Ask For Me by Tyler Hilton

Kicking My Heels by Tyler Hilton

Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless

Broken by Lifehouse

My, My, My by Rob Thomas

What If by Ashley Tisdale

Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute

Undone by Haley Reinhart

And, after being requested after 40 Days' playlist was posted: **a musical companion will be posted on my tumblr. **The musical companion will contain a short statement as to why each song on the playlist is actually **on **the playlist.

**What's next? **

**Redemption: A Lost That War Prequel **will be up sometime in the near future. It will be substantially shorter than this story. I'm hoping less than twenty chapters. It will essentially cover the final months of Ezra's senior year in college and his initial run-ins with the campus rapist.

**Where The Lonely Ones Roam: **This story will discuss some of the same elements of Lost That War, though it will be even darker. If you enjoyed the dark elements of this story, you'll enjoy Lonely Ones as well.

**Drops Of Jupiter: **On a **MUCH **lighter note, this story is entirely AU, and because of how much I love it, I just can't even bare to share the plot at this point, but I promise that you will love it, and it will make you laugh. It will be a much lighter story than anything I've written up to this point.

**In the meantime: **

**GO READ 40 DAYS AND COUNTING!**

(and Say Anything)


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